Before starting this chapter, I wanted to thank Shadowdragon66 and Ultima Bigaroh for their very positive and inspiring reviews. It is so good to know, that at last some people liked this story.
Awaiting for news (Next morning, in the waiting room of NERV hospital)
Kensuke and Shinji were sitting in the waiting room of NERV hospital, waiting for any news about Asuka. Last night, just after flames at the battlefield calmed down, Asuka was retrieved from her Evangelion seriously wounded and barely conscious, for she sustained a lot of injuries during her battle against Fourth Devil. After that, she was immediately delivered to NERV hospital and there weren't any reports about her condition ever since. Right now, Misato was checking Asuka's current condition, while Kensuke and Shinji could only sit and wait for news.
"You know" – said Kensuke, breaking long silence – "Asuka was really great last night!"
"Uh-huh" – muttered Shinji in response. Shinji was too deep in his own thoughts, to take notice, what his friend was talking about.
"Well" – continued Kensuke – "Of course Rei fought also very good during our battle with Second Devil, but she was able to defeat Second Devil only with my help. While Asuka managed to defeat Fourth Devil all by herself. And judging from all we know, that Fourth Devil was a great deal more powerful then the Second Devil, right?"
"Uh-huh" – muttered Shinji in response.
"She is very beautiful too, despite the fact, that she has a really big aptitude problem." – continued Kensuke – "But, I guess, I don't have a chance with her now, judging from circumstances of our first meeting, and all following meetings too. But it is a different story with you, I guess, since two of you have lived under same roof for quite some time. So what do you think about her, Shinji, do you like her?"
"Uh-huh" – muttered Shinji in response.
"Aha! So you finally confessed it! You are in love with Asuka!" – shouted Kensuke triumphally.
"Uh-hu… What?!" – said Shinji, who finally took notice what his friend was talking about.
"It is easy" – said Kensuke, smiling broadly – "You have just confessed that you are in love with Asuka!"
"Hay, I didn't said anything like that!" – said Shinji blushing to the roots of his hair.
"Maybe you didn't" – said Kensuke, smiling even more broadly – "But your reaction spoke louder then any words. And besides, you weren't same since the day Asuka fell in coma. And now, when she finally awoke from coma, you become visibly less depressed. I wonder why is that."
Fortunately for Shinji, exactly at this moment doors to the waiting room opened, and Misato came in, saving Shinji from answering the question, he wasn't prepared to answer yet.
"How is Asuka?" – asked Shinji immediately.
"Her life isn't in danger" – answered Misato – "But her injuries are quite serious. Her left arm is apparently broken, but it is not problem for our medics. However, Asuka also sustained large number of serious burns. Her Evangelion was heavily damaged in combat with Fourth Devil, and her temperature control system was shut down. And explosion, which was result of death of the Fourth Devil overheated unprotected Entry Plug. Unfortunately, with EVA-02 almost out of working order, we weren't able to retrieve Asuka from her Entry Plug fast enough, and so…" – Misato left phrase unfinished.
"But she would recover, Miss Misato, wouldn't she?" – asked Shinji with concern in his voice.
"Yes, she would" – answered Misato – "As I have already told you, Asuka's life isn't in danger. However, it would take quite a long time for her to recover, probably about a week."
"But what are you going to do with her then?" – asked Kensuke, who understood military laws much better then Shinji.
"I don't really know" – answered Misato – "It is up to Commander Ikari and Professor Fuyutsuki to decide, not for me."
When Shinji looked at Misato without understanding in his eyes, Misato explained – "Of course, Asuka killed the Fourth Devil. But Asuka also disobeyed direct orders from her superior, and thus put whole operation into danger. We can't dismiss her, for now when she synchronized with her Evangelion once again, it is very unlikely, that EVA-02 will accept another pilot. But we also can't leave her unpunished, for if we will do so, we will give her an impression, that she can do whatever she wants."
"But I also disobeyed orders for a few times!" – protested Shinji – "And you didn't punished me. You just gave me lecture about how I should obey orders, and that was all. Why is it different with Asuka?"
"Your punishment was also considered for a few times." – said Misato coldly – "However, each time Commander Ikari decided against punishing you, due to the fact, that you have grown up in civilian society, and didn't knew much about military laws. However, in Asuka's case it is different. Since her early childhood, Asuka was educated in the military ways, and she knew too well importance of orders, especially in such critical situation, as it was last night. And she knew too well penalty for disobeying direct orders from her superiors. In any normal military organization, she would be thrown out, but due to the fact, that she alone can pilot EVA-02, Commander Ikari would find another punishment for her without doubt."
"But you will speak in her defense, Miss Misato, wouldn't you?" – asked Shinji hopefully.
"There is little need for that" – answered Misato – "Both Commander Ikari and Professor Fuyutsuki knew well about her achievements and that her actions at battlefield probably saved us all. However, orders are orders, and as I have already said, it is up to Commander Ikari and Professor Fuyutsuki to decide, whatever they will punish her or no, not for me."
"Okay" – continued Misato after a moment of silence – "I think, that you better go to your homes now. We don't expect any attacks today, so you can have rest of the day for yourselves. Oh, and I almost forgot to tell you, that your school was finally rebuilt, and so your classes will start in a few days. So, you better enjoy your free time, as long as you still have it. With both classes and Devil attacks, you will hardly have time to sleep and eat. Okay, I have to go now. Bye, Kensuke. Until evening, Shinji."
And after that, Misato hurried to exit, leaving Shinji and Kensuke alone.
"So, it going to be like in the old days, isn't it?" – said Kensuke – "School, enemy attacks and synchronization tests… and no free time at all. I wonder whatever I will manage to live through all this…"
Then Kensuke noticed, that Shinji fall into depression once again.
"Hay, keep head up, Shinji!" – tried to comfort him Kensuke – "I am certain, that Asuka will be alright. You hard what Misato said, Asuka probably saved all of us back at the battlefield. I am certain, that your father would take this into notice, before punishing her, so probably, she wouldn't be punished at all. And her life isn't in danger at all, just a few scratches. I am certain, that Red Devil survived much more serious injuries in her time. So, don't you worry about anything, all will be just fine."
"I will better go home" – said Shinji, still gloomy.
"Okay then. See you, Shinji!" – said Kensuke.
And then, both Kensuke and Shinji left the hospital.
Analyzing the previous battle and current situation (Meanwhile, in NERV command office)
This day, all NERV command office personal didn't even hoped about sleep. Form number of drained cups of coffee, it seemed, that at last half of NERV financial support would be spent on coffee.
"So, have you finally finished analyzing information about our previous battle against Devil?" – asked Gendo blond-haired scientist who set in front of him.
"Yes, I have analyzed all the information we were able to gather" – answered Ritsuko – "But, there weren't much information to analyze. After Asuka cut off communication between her Evangelion and NERV command office, EVA-02 resist all further attempts to reestablish communication until it was finally deactivated. So, we weren't able to get any information about Asuka's battle against Fourth Devil from EVA-02's computer. As about our scanners, they ceased to function right after EVA-02's impact with Fourth Devil, due to massive energy discharge, which happened after death of Fourth Devil. Only one piece of information was learned: just before EVA-02's impact with Fourth Devil, Fourth Devil's AT Field completely loss all its defense capabilities, this is only reason, why Asuka was able to kill Fourth Devil."
"You want to tell me, that Asuka was able to neutralize defense capabilities of Fourth Devil's AT Field, while leaving its offense capabilities still working?!" – asked Gendo in astonishment – "But I thought, that such thing was impossible! You either neutralize enemy's AT Field, or you don't neutralize it, isn't that so, Professor Fuyutsuki?"
"Indeed" – answered Professor Fuyutsuki – "All our previous research about AT Field claim, that AT Field could be neutralized only wholly, and never partially. How would you explain, what has happened in the battlefield, Dr. Akagi?"
"Unfortunately, I have no explanation for this, Professor Fuyutsuki" – answered Ritsuko – "I have some theories, but I have no facts to support them. I will continue to study this event. But I fear, that no more information could be learned, before we will encounter others Devils. AT Fields of Devils are a great deal different from AT Fields of both Angels and humans. Perhaps, the reason of Asuka's victory is in flawed structure of Fourth Devil's AT Field."
"But I though, that you claimed, that Fourth Devil's AT Field was very powerful" – said Gendo – "Wasn't that so?"
"Indeed" – answered Ritsuko – "All our scanners claimed, that Fourth Devil had very powerful AT Field. But we weren't able to study Fourth Devil's AT Field long enough, to fully analyze it. It is possible, that very structure of Fourth Devil, has some critical flaw, which resulted in failure of Fourth Devil's AT Field to support its defensive capabilities, and so, it ended in Fourth Devil's death."
"Is it really possible?" – asked Gendo in astonishment – "Flawed AT Field?"
"Well" – confessed Ritsuko – "Precisely speaking, possibility of such thing is about zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero one percent. But I have no other explanation for all these."
"I see" – said Gendo – "As I understand, you can't provide us with any more information, Ritsuko. Okay, let's proceed to the other problems. Some time ago, you claimed, that EVA-03 could be repaired, isn't that so?"
"Yes" – answered Ritsuko – "EVA-03's core was damaged, but not destroyed. With sufficient financial support, we could try to restore EVA-03 to function. While I believe, that it would be almost impossible to repair EVA-03 to its fully potential, nevertheless another Evangelion would be a big advantage against Devils. However, sufficient financial support is a problem now, with SEELE too busy creating their Mass Production Evangelions."
"Let me worry about financial support, Ritsuko" – said Gendo – "What is status of Fourth Child, Toji Sazuhara?"
"All implanting and surgery were complete." – answered Ritsuko – "He is still unconscious, but he will recover in a few days, maybe in a week. However, he will hate us, when he will learn, what we have done with him."
"Otherwise, his injuries could be fatal" – said Gendo – "And besides, he pledged to serve us, and the whole humanity. If we wouldn't do what we have done, even if he would recover from his injuries, he wouldn't be able to pilot Evangelion and fight for the fate of humanity. There weren't any other way, Ritsuko."
"If you say so" – said Ritsuko, still unconvinced.
"Alright, I believe you can finish all other work without me" – said Gendo – "I and Professor Fuyutsuki are going to have council with some important people. I hope, that we will be able to find necessary financial support for repairing EVA-03. Goodbye, Ritsuko."
Discussions and necessary financial support (Ten minutes later, in SEELE council room)
"So" – started meeting SEELE-01 – "What news have you brought to us today, Ikari?"
"I have a good news" – said Gendo – "Last night another Devil fall before us. And with each fallen enemy, we are getting closer and closer to our ultimate goal. Were there any other Devil attacks, besides attack against Japan NERV branch?"
"I'm afraid so" – said SEELE-07 – "Last night, some sort of incident happened in our research and manufacture complex in China. At first, we thought that it was natural work incident, but soon after incident whole complex was fully destroyed. We believe, that it was work of a Devil."
"Any records about attack survived?" – asked Gendo, despite the fact, that he already knew, what answer would be given to him.
"No, no records at all" – said SEELE-03 – "We can even be hundred percent sure, that it was Devil's attack. But it seemed to be most likely explanation. It seemed, that before complete destruction of the complex, somebody was able to cut off all communications between this complex, and all our other complexes. Of course, it is possible, that it was due to the energy faults, or some damage, dealt to the destroyed complex during the incident, but it looks more like somebody just cut off all communication. Somebody very influential."
"You mean, that one of us is supporting this Devils?!" – said SEELE-11 losing his temper – "But it is impossible!"
"Still" – said SEELE-05 calmly – "We can't dismiss such possibility."
"I doubt, that any of you needs reminding" – said SEELE-01 – "That payment for betraying this council is death. I don't believe, that there is traitor among us, but if traitor is indeed present among us, then I advice him to think carefully about what he is doing."
"For me, it is too hard to believe, that one of us has betrayed this council" – said SEELE-05 – "But still, we can't dismiss such possibility."
"Anyway" – said SEELE-11 – "Ikari, you did well, defeating another Devil. Unfortunately, due to recent incidents, we can't send you more reinforcements right now. However, two more Evangelions are almost ready, and we are going to sent them to you, as soon as it will be possible."
"There is another problem" – said Gendo – "Recently, due to construction of your Mass Production Evangelions, you have cut down financial support of Japan branch of NERV a bit too much. I understand your desire to build as much Mass Production Evangelions as possible, but this cutting down of our financial support has left our defenses in very bad shape. If you don't want see Japan branch of NERV overwhelmed by Devils, I advice you to increase your financial support greatly. Due to intensity of recent Devil attacks on Japan branch of NERV, we need much money to restore our defenses. And if we won't restore our defenses before Devils will launch another attack of such intensity, Japan branch of NERV would be overwhelmed by Devils. I hope, that it isn't something you desire."
"Very well" – said SEELE-01 – "Ikari, we will send you additional financial support. Of course, due to our own problems, it won't be much, but I hope, that it would be enough to prevent Devils from overwhelming Japan branch of NERV."
"I too hope, that it would be enough to prevent Devils from overwhelming Japan branch of NERV." – said Gendo.
"Very well" – said SEELE-01 after a moment of silence – "If nobody has anything else to say, then I proclaim this meeting finished."
Interrupted dream (Midnight of the same day, in Copperfield apartment; Karl Bakers' point of view)
I sat at the bed with bare torso. Helen just finished bandaging my wounds, even thou there weren't many of them, and now was looking at me with admiration in her eyes.
"You have been just magnificent today!" – she said, breaking long silence – "I never thought that anybody would be able to defeat these Evangelions so easily! There were two of them against you, and still, you defeated them easily! Now, the world is finally safe!"
"They were nothing against me!" – I said – "Before battle, I promised to you to kill them in your honor, and I am always fulfill my promises."
"Oh, Karl" – she said, leaning closer to me – "I have realized it since the first time I saw you, you are greatest warrior in the whole universe! I love you!"
She leaned even close to kiss me, and then…
And then she was gone…
Angrily I looked to the smiling figure, which appeared just in front of me.
"How dared you, Denis!" – I said angrily – "How dared you to interrupt such a pleasant dream! It was my dream, not yours! You had no right to interrupt it!"
"There are more important things then dreaming about your fellow Saviors, Karl." – said Denis, as he finally stopped to smile – "Last night, when I failed to reestablish contact with Seventh One, I feared that something terrible has happened. And now, I have finally received confirmation. Seventh One is no more."
"My ancient enemy?" – I asked in surprise – "But how was it possible? After I and Second One attacked NERV headquarters in Japan, they should be almost defenseless."
I expected to feel happy, for my ancient enemy, whom I hated for almost eternity has indeed died, I felt it now. However, I felt no happiness. Instead I felt great sadness, as if part of me died with Seventh One, Master of Blades.
"I can show you how Seventh One met his end" – said Denis – "The way how he died is even more disturbing, then the fact of his death. And it will be lesson to all of us."
"What do you mean?" – I asked
"I'll show you" – answered Denis
And in next moment I found myself as some devastated city, or probably devastated part of Tokyo-3 near the huge crater. My ancient enemy hovered above me for about a second, then dived down, prepared to impale me upon his blade. For some reason, instead of using my Weave of Force against my ancient enemy, I drew some kind of dagger, and prepared to strike him down.
"It is just a Little Devil" – I head voice, which seemed to come directly into my mind – "Now, when I can kill him without fearing to blow up entire NERV headquarters, he is no match against me!"
"Asuka" – I head somebody's voice – "At all costs, avoid direct contact with enemy. Shinji and Kensuke will arrive in about a minute, and together, three of you will be able to kill Fourth Devil. Alone, you have no chances against the Fourth Devil, for Fourth Devil's AT Field is too powerful for you to penetrate. Understood, Asuka?"
"What is going on?" – I though – "Is he addressing me? And if he is addressing me, why did he called me Asuka? And if he isn't addressing me, them whom?"
"Negative, Lieutenant Hyuga" – answered somebody else's voice through my mouth – "I don't need any help from either Shinji or Kensuke. I will deal with this Fourth Devil myself."
"It must be another person's dream!" – I suddenly realized – "But how is it possible? I can't intrude other persons' dreams like Denis. Oh yes, Denis must have seen this dream, and then he make me to experience this dream, as if it was my own. Then it is not happening to me. It is happening with some kind of foolish girl, who think, that she would be able to defeat Master of Blades."
"It is a good thing, that he chose to finish me personally" " – once again I head voice, which seemed to come directly into my mind – "If he would just keep throwing his blades at me from a distance, I wouldn't even have a chance against him. But now, resolution of our battle will depend only from skill."
Master of Blades was getting closer and closer to his prey, and now I could discern nearly invisible protective barrier, that would defend my ancient enemy from any physical attack, Master of Blades' so-called Sphere of Protection. But still, instead of trying running away, not that it would do any good against him, foolish girl was still holding her pathetic dagger, as if it would do any damage to my ancient enemy.
"Then I have to penetrate his AT Field as well in order to kill him?" – for a third time I head voice, which seemed to come directly into my mind – "Piece of cake!"
"Foolish girl indeed!" – I thought – "Whoever is doing this, she is a fool indeed, if she hope to kill Master of Blades with some kind of pathetic dagger. But what the hell is AT Field?! Why she is calling Master of Blades' Sphere of Protection AT Field? Another mystery of this strange dream."
And in the next moment this strange dream was over. Once again I set at the bed in my room in Helen's apartment. And once again, Denis stood before me. But this time, he didn't smiled.
"Was it what I am thinking it was?" – I asked Denis with astonishment in my voice.
Denis just nodded in response.
"But why?!" – I asked with even more astonishment in my voice – "Why Master of Blades did something like that?! He was one of the most ferocious warriors among us!"
"I fear, that it was my fault" – said Denis sadly – "I didn't have him time to fully realize who he was. He displayed excellent control of his powers, and I thought, that he was ready for lending killing blow against Japan branch of NERV. But I was wrong. All of us are prisoners of our human conscious. We are Saviors, but we are humans as well. It is hard for me to explain, because even I don't understand it fully. But I will try to explain anyway, because it could be vital in our coming battle against NERV. Technically, we Saviors are dead. Our conscious and bodies are dead, only some of our power remains, along with purpose of our existence. So we are neither Saviors, nor humans, precisely speaking, we are humans with power and purpose of Saviors. But our human conscious cannot fully understand power and purpose of Saviors, that is why our memories are limited by separated fragments. That is why we must rest for some time, each time after we use our power, because our human bodies aren't strong enough for enormous amount of power, which they are currently containing. Alan Slicer's human mind wasn't fully prepared for receiving power and knowledge of the Seventh Savior, the Master of Blades. I can only speculate about what has happened next. I think, that he couldn't decide whatever to follow his purpose as Savior or to continue his life as human. And he went mad. By the way, if you haven't realized it already, it was dream of one of Evangelion pilots, and it was one of Evangelion pilots and her Red Evangelion, who defeated Master of Blades. So, in the finally part of Master of Blades' battle against Red Evangelion, his subconscious couldn't bear this dilemma of his twisted existence anymore, and following his subconscious' orders, Master of Blades' Sphere of Protection cease to function, letting Red Evangelion to kill him."
"This is theory is mad even for you, Denis!" – I said
"Sorry" – said Denis – "But it is the only theory, which I got. If you have better theories, then speak up."
I didn't answered, for indeed, I didn't had better theories.
"Why the hell this stupid Master of Blades let this foolish girl to kill him?!" – I asked myself – "I could understand, when Linna sacrificed her life to give me chance to save Steve, but this was something, which I just couldn't understand."
"So, if you don't have anything better to say" – said Denis – "I will be off. I have others businesses to attend this night. And you know, how hard for me to maintain contact with somebody's dream for a long time. And I don't want to exhaust myself to death, just as Linna did."
"Just one more question" – I said – "Why did this foolish girl called Master of Blades' Sphere of Protection AT Field?"
"I don't know it for certain" – answered Denis – "But from Master of Blades' dreams about his past life, and from dreams of some very important humans I was able to gather some information about so-called AT Field. AT Field is short name for Absolute Terror Field. Apparently humans believe, that all our power is manifestation of our AT Fields. I don't know anything more, I don't even know, whatever humans idea, that all our power is manifestation of our AT Fields, is correct or no. My knowledge is limited by dreams, and humans rarely explain things wholly in their dreams. So, all I got are my theories and speculations."
"Very well" – I said – "Goodbye, Denis"
"Goodbye, Karl" – said Denis – "Oh, and sorry for interrupting your pleasant dream. I would wish you more pleasant dreams, but unfortunately, it is time for you to wake up."
And then, with his trademark smile, Denis disappeared.
And then, I woke up.
Night of regret (A few minutes later, in Katsuragi apartment)
Scene. Once again Shinji was in the Entry Plug of his Evangelion, in the Terminal Dogma. And once again, he was holding tiny fragile body of Kaoru in massive strong hand of his Evangelion. And then, he squeezed tiny fragile body of Kaoru. And Kaoru's head slowly fall into pool of LCL Fluid.
"Why did you killed him?"
"I had no choice!"
"Why did you killed him?"
"Because he was an angel!"
"So, you killed him, because he was an angel?"
"Yes, he was an enemy!"
"And if he was human, would it matter?"
"Of course, I had to kill him only because he was an angel!"
"I thought, that you killed him because he was an enemy."
"Yes, that's it! He was an angel, and so he was my enemy!"
"But humans are also enemies of humans. Would you kill human, if he would be your enemy?"
"No! I would never kill human!"
"Really?"
Scene shifted. Victorious EVA-01 stood over remains of EVA-03.
"Really?"
"It was my father! He forced me to injure Toji! He forced me to pilot Evangelion!"
"Really?"
Scene shifted. Shinji stood with his head lowered, as train, which should take Shinji from Tokyo-3 departed.
"Really?"
"Yes, they forced me to pilot Evangelion!"
"Then why didn't you left?"
"Because I realized, that I shouldn't run away!"
"And so, your only other option was to pilot Evangelion? Your only other option was to fight and kill?"
"Yes!"
"But why you shouldn't run away, if your only other option is to pilot Evangelion, fight and kill?"
"Because it is wrong to run away!"
"But why it is wrong to run away, if your only other option is to pilot Evangelion, fight and kill?"
"Because Misato said, that I shouldn't run away!"
"So, you piloted Evangelion, because others told you to do so?"
"Yes, they told me, that it was right thing to do!"
"But you thought, that it was wrong thing to do?"
"I don't know!"
"Or, you too thought, that it was right thing to do?"
"No! No! No!"
"Then, why do you pilot Evangelion?"
"Because… I don't know!"
"Then, why do you pilot Evangelion?"
"I know it! I pilot Evangelion to save humanity!"
"But how can you save humanity from humanity itself?"
"What do you mean?"
"All angels are dead. But humanity's worst enemy is humanity itself. How can you save humanity from humanity itself?"
"Worst enemy?"
"Since the beginning of time, humans always fought against each other. Since the beginning of time, humanity always wanted to destroy itself. The history of human race is history of wars, killing and death. So, how can you save humanity from humanity itself? How can you save humanity, if humanity don't want to be saved?"
Scene shifted. Shinji and Misato stood near the Tokyo-3 Lake after Shinji killed Kaoru.
"No, he didn't deserved to live." – said Misato coldly – "Only life form that has desire to live deserves to live. And Kaoru desired to die."
"I can't believe it! Humanity doesn't desire to die! Humanity desire to live!"
"Really?"
Endless number of scenes began to shift each other before Shinji's eyes. Wars. Killing. Death. Humans fighting each other. Humans killed by other humans. Entire cities destroyed, put to flame. Only to be rebuilt again. Only to be destroyed again. Over and over. And millions of people were dying in the process.
"It is history of human race. Entire history of wars, killing and death. Bloody history. But history nevertheless."
"Stop it!"
The beginning of the day (A few seconds later, in Katsuragi apartment)
Shinji awoke in a sweat.
"What a horrible nightmare!" – he thought – "Almost, as if my worst nightmares were mixed together. But it was just a nightmare after all."
Loud snoring from Misato's room informed Shinji, that Misato was still asleep. It was okay for Shinji, since in the past days he tried to talk with Misato as little as possible. Misato's recently acquired cold manner of speaking made Shinji feel uneasy, when he talked with her.
Trying not to wake Misato, Shinji quietly walked to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. Then Shinji quietly prepared himself a quick breakfast and still quietly ate it. And after breakfast, Shinji still quietly left his home.
Day of reflection (Half an hour later, near the Tokyo-3 Lake/in the Tokyo-3)
Shinji slowly walked through the shore of Tokyo-3 Lake. Today, Shinji wasn't listening to the music, which was very unlike him. Usually Shinji listened to the music, because music helped him to forget about his problems, but today, he didn't wanted to forget about his problems. Today, Shinji concentrated on his problems instead.
"Was it true?" – thought Shinji – "Was all I saw and heard in my nightmare true? It is hard to believe it, but still… at last some part of it must be true…"
Once again, scenes from Shinji's nightmare flashed before Shinji's eyes: Shinji, killing Kaoru; Shinji, injuring Toji; Shinji, refusing to leave Tokyo-3, because he knew, that his duty was to pilot Evangelion…
"No, stop it!" – shouted Shinji aloud.
"I can't bear it anymore!" – thought Shinji – "I just can't carry all this pain inside myself anymore! I must unburden my heart to somebody, just as Kaoru said, I should do! I must tell somebody about all these things! I must tell somebody about all, I have done! They will hate me, but I deserve their hatred! I am monster!"
"But I don't have anybody, to whom I can tell all these." – continued to think Shinji – "I can't tell it Kaoru, because I have killed him myself. I can't tell it to Misato, because she wouldn't have time to listen to me. In these days, she only work and sleep, I don't even see her eating anymore. I can't tell all these to Kensuke, because he would just laugh, and say that it is just a nightmare, and that I shouldn't worry about it. Kensuke wouldn't understand it. I can't tell all these to Asuka, because they say, that she is still unconscious after her victory over Fourth Devil. I can't tell all these to Rei, because… I don't know! I just can't tell all these to Rei! I don't know why! I just can't bring myself to talk with her again! I don't even know, how to talk with her, after all I have learned about her! I just can't do it!"
Shinji stopped, and looked into deep waters of Tokyo-3 Lake for about a minute, trying to calm himself down. And he almost succeeded, but then…
*Splash*
Part of electrical post, which still was rising above surface of the Tokyo-3 Lake fall apart from the electrical post and fall into the Tokyo-3 Lake with a loud splash, interrupting Shinji's concentration. To Shinji's mind, this splash seemed to be almost identical to the splash, made by Kaoru's head, when Kaoru's had fall into pool of LCL Fluid.
"Why did you killed him?.. Would you kill human, if he would be your enemy?.. Then why didn't you left?.. But why it is wrong to run away, if your only other option is to pilot Evangelion, fight and kill?.. Then, why do you pilot Evangelion?.. But humanity's worst enemy is humanity itself… How can you save humanity from humanity itself?.. How can you save humanity, if humanity don't want to be saved?.. Only life form that has desire to live deserves to live…"
"No, stop it!" – shouted Shinji aloud once again.
And the Shinji ran. Shinji ran faster, then he had ever ran in his life. Shinji ran without choosing direction. Shinji ran without caring about anything. Shinji ran from the voice in his mind. Shinji ran from his nightmares. Shinji ran from his memories. Shinji ran from his life.
And then, Shinji stopped, as he found himself before battered door to the old house, which stood not far from coast of Tokyo-3 Lake.
Help in reflection (A few seconds later, in the Tokyo-3/in Ayanami apartment)
For a few seconds, Shinji stood silently before battered door to the old house, uncertain what to do next. Without realizing what he was doing, Shinji outstretched his hand, reaching for door ring. However, he stopped his hand just a few inches from door ring.
"No, I just can't bring myself to talk with her again" – thought Shinji, as he turned away from the door and started to slowly walk away. However, a few second later, familiar voice called him.
"Do you want something, Ikari?" – heard Shinji familiar voice.
Shinji turned and saw Rei Ayanami, who stood patiently at opened door to her apartment and gazed at Shinji with her strange red eyes. As usually, Rei was dressed in her school uniform. It seemed, that the fact, that school was currently closed, and that her school uniform was out of place, didn't bothered Rei at all.
"Um… Rei, I…" – muttered Shinji.
"Come in, Ikari" – said Rei, as she turned around and walked into her apartment, without even bothering to close door behind her.
Shinji couldn't think about anything else, so he just followed after Rei into her apartment, carefully closing door behind him. Rei's apartment was as messy, as Shinji remembered it. Last time he was there, Shinji cleared Rei's apartment a little, but apparently enough time has passed for Rei to fill her apartment with crumpled papers, dirty clothes and some recently acquired bandages.
At last this time aren't as blooded, as they were, when I came to her apartment for a first time" – thought Shinji – "What a relief."
Meanwhile Rei sat on the bed and motioned for Shinji to sit near her. Shinji sat at the bed beside Rei and continued studied Rei's room, trying to look everywhere, except for Rei herself.
"Something is troubling you, Ikari?" – asked Rei in her usual calm and almost emotionless voice. However, this time it seemed for Shinji, that he heard hint of concern in Rei voice. But still, he wasn't sure.
"Um… Rei, I don…" – started to say Shinji, but then he silenced himself for some reason, unknown even to him.
"Please, tell me, Shinji" – said Rei, while this time her voice was still calm, all her usual emotionless was now gone from Rei's voice this time, and all her usual emotionless was now replaced with concern – "You can trust me, Shinji."
The last barriers, which Shinji raised around his mind, were broken now. And Shinji started to talk. Shinji talked and cried. And Shinji told Rei everything: all about his feelings about his father, Misato and Asuka; all his feelings about piloting Evangelion; and finally all about his dreams. Rei listened to Shinji silently, look of concern seemed to froze on her face.
After what seemed to be eternity Shinji finally stopped talking, and then he lowered his head, as he realized, what he had done. Never, not even with Kaoru, Shinji let himself to talk as much. Never, not even with Kaoru, Shinji let himself to talk about nightmares, which kept tormenting him since the day, when he came to Tokyo-3 and piloted Evangelion for the first time. And Shinji felt, as he blushed to the roots of his hair. Shinji never was as embarrassed in his life, as he was today.
"I am sorry" – muttered Shinji – "I guess, I shouldn't burden you with all my problems."
"It is okay, Shinji " – said Rei – "Sometimes, you just need to let all your problems go. Sometimes, you just need to unburden you hear to somebody, who is willing to understand you. You did the right thing, Shinji."
"Thank you, Rei" – said Shinji.
They set on the bed silently for a few minutes, then Rei spoke again.
"It is already late, Shinji." – said Rei – "You better go home."
"Yes, I guess so" – said Shinji – "Goodbye, Rei. And thank you once again."
The end of the day (About two hours later, in Katsuragi apartment)
Tried and still embarrassed, but strangely satisfied, Shinji finally was able to reach his current home in Misato Katsuragi's apartment.
"I am home" – said Shinji, as he opened the door into his current home in Misato Katsuragi's apartment.
But silence was his only answer.
"Apparently will be working until late today" – thought Shinji, as he want into empty kitchen – "As usual."
Shinji sighed, and then note at the kitchen table attracted Shinji's attention. He took the note, and started to read it aloud.
"Shinji" – read Shinji – "I am sorry, but I will have to stay at work until late today. Please don't wait for me. Cook something to yourself, and go to sleep. Misato."
"As usual" – said Shinji to himself.
Concluding the progress (An hour later, in NERV command office)
"Unbelievable!" – said Ritsuko, as she looked at the
list with covered expenses – "May I ask you, Commander Ikari, how you was able to make them give us such enormous financial support in such short period of time?"
"I didn't do anything" – answered Gendo, smiling coldly – "I just let all these old farts to think about what will happen to them, if NERV branch in Japan would be overwhelmed by Devils, and if our precious possessions would fall into hands of Devils. And they reacted just as I suspected. I believe, that this financial support would be enough to start immediate repairment of EVA-03?"
"More then enough, Commander Ikari" – answered Ritsuko.
"Then proceed with your orders and initiate repairment of EVA-03 immediately." – ordered Gendo.
"Yes, Commander Ikari" – said Ritsuko and departed.
"Major Katsuragi" – said Gendo, when Ritsuko departed.
"Yes, Commander Ikari" – said Misato, and walked closer to Gendo's table.
"I and Professor Fuyutsuki thought carefully about Devils' surprise attacks, which almost always were catching us unprepared, and I believe, we have found the only solution for this problem. Starting from tomorrow, at last one Evangelion pilot should always present in NERV headquarters, ready for battle. So, Pilot Ikari and Pilot Aida would have to shift each other at their duty in NERV headquarters. Major Katsuragi, I leave it to you to regulate their shifts. Just remember most important part, at last one Evangelion pilot should always present in NERV headquarters, ready for battle, no matter what. Even in school time. Even in the middle of the night. Always. Is it understood, Major Katsuragi?"
"Understood, Commander Ikari" – answered Misato.
"Then proceed with your orders, Major Katsuragi" – said Gendo – "Remember, you must regulate pilots' shifts for tomorrow before tomorrow. After you will finish regulating pilots' shifts for tomorrow, you will be dismissed until tomorrow morning."