Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Saiyuki characters. They honorably belong to Minekura Sensei. Please don't sue me.
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Ayie: Sorry for the delay of this fic… I was striving to finish the chapters for my main fic "Surviving Life"…but here it goes… the second chap, where we left the three elders weeping over Goku's dead body. Thanks for those who reviewed… Saiyuki_gal and Chris.. arigatou minna-san..^__~. Where's Sanzo?
Hakkai: He's taking his night bath… he asked you to start this chap without him…
Gojyo: Well, he's not in favor of this fic after all…. The selfish bouzu was so sad to read the last chap but he didn't want to admit it…smirked
Sanzo: Nanda'to ?!!appeared from nowhere… just wearing a towel with bubbles all over hair
Ayie and Aiko: Argh!!! screamed madly and ran out of the house at seeing Sanzo's 'outfit'
Sanzo: blushed and ran back into the bathroom Hakkai and Gojyo: -__-"
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Soledad
If Only You
Could See The Tears
In The World You Left Behind
If Only You Could Heal My Heart
Just One More Time
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Hakkai's POV
Why I didn't hear any of your laugh anymore… why didn't I hear the "Harahetta yo Hakkai" or the "Are we there yet?" that I always heard before. Goku… I'm going to miss that…
I spent my energy to the last… trying to heal you… but a healer I am. I could not save you, even to make you speak for one last time or at least to make you smile. Tears rolled down on my cheek for the umpteenth times… countless. I tried to make it stop but it won't. I tried it once, twice… but when it didn't stop when I tried for the third time… I gave up. I just let it flowed like a stream, until I realized that someone needed me to console them.
Can you see them from where you are right now Goku? Gojyo, I never saw him cried like he was doing right now. He banged his head to the wall until it bled when you took your last breath. He wailed madly as if there's no tomorrow. Well… Goku, there is no tomorrow for us anymore when you were gone…
Goku, I tried really hard to stop Gojyo from causing more damages to his body. But I can't hold back my tears when he broke down and cried just like a child. My shoulder was soaked wet with his tears.
Goku, Gojyo might have treated you harshly and brutally all this time… but deep inside, you're always his little brother. Your words "Your hair… it thought it was hot because it had the color of a blazing fire" really had changed his perception of his taboo mark, the red hair. Your words brought him back to a new beginning, which he thought he would never had. He always loved you as a little brother but he would freak out if he lets you called him o-nii-chan… he feared that he would get so attached to you that he didn't have the courage to take it if he would someday lose you… and I guess he was so wrong… with you calling him 'kappa' or 'gokiburi', you and him still tightly bonded to each other. Goku, come back now and tell him he'll never lose you… come back now Goku… I couldn't stand watching him torturing himself… these tears wouldn't stop no matter how hard I tried.
And your sun, your guardian, whatever you called him… was nothing better… he wouldn't eat, or sleep or drink… he's killing himself slowly. Goku, you're the only one who could snap him out of it. He's not himself anymore. He held your diadem close to his chest and laid himself on the bed, facing the wall… but his shoulder trembled madly… he was crying but he tried hard to conceal it. He's been doing that since the day we buried you… that day… we saw the thing that we would never see in thousands years to come…Sanzo dug your grave with his bare hands. He said he would do it by himself… he said he's the one who found you and he's the one who will keep you back.
I could not hold back my tears as he cradled you in his arms and kissed you softly on the cheek. Even Gojyo turned his eyes away. Now he knew why the monk never wanted to show his softer side. Your sun collapsed as soon as he finished burying you… that's the last we could see you… he kept whispering that he'll find you again someday… somehow… and he kept saying that he's not strong that he couldn't protect the one he loved. It was you… Goku, he might say that you're a saru and his pet, but deep inside I knew, Gojyo knew that he loved you as a son, as a brother, as his everything. God, these tears wouldn't cease a bit.
Come back Goku… even in our dreams, please help me console them… I'm not that strong… I lost everything the day you were gone. I found my life in you after Kannan died… you didn't know Kannan… I never told you, I never did. May be if I told you, you won't leave me, leave us, like this… But I found happiness and I gained my cherish in your laughter, in your smiles, in your genki self. But I guess I lost it all once again the day you left.
Goku… you knew how I loved cooking and you knew I loved to cook for you… but I guess I would never had the chance to cook again after you left. Who would eat it anyway? Neither Sanzo nor Gojyo's appetite combine together would equal to yours. Goku… I would miss cooking and I would miss the sight of you gobbling up the food and thanking me for feeding you. I guess, our dining table would turned silent and quiet as Gojyo don't have anyone to fight with him over the food and Sanzo wouldn't have a reason to fire his shoureijuu or taking out his harisen in the open. I would miss that too… the day won't be peaceful anymore… I'll smile but the smile would never cheered up anyone, even myself. Man… these tears were streaming down like the current of the river.
Goku… come back and give me my life back…
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Even When I
Close My Eyes
There's An Image Of Your Face
And Once Again I Come To Realise
You're A Loss I Can't Replace
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Gojyo's POV
Damn you Goku! How dare you leave us just like this…? We haven't even completed our journey to the west yet… you were so angry of me calling you saru that you left us forever? It's my fault… it was… if only I didn't call you saru that day… we wouldn't fight and the jeep won't swerved into the wrong direction… and it would never fall off the ravine. Why are you alone to suffer the worst damage and leave us with slight scrapes and scratches all over our body? Why did you being the one to knock your head with that bloody rock and gained yourself a brain hemorrhage?
I'd always wanted to get rid of you for a moment of peace… but it never worked. Now you left me forever but it was not what I always wanted. Not like this… not forever… Goku… come back… call me kappa, call me gokiburi, call me whatever you want but please come back… I could not afford losing you like this. I never dreamed that I would miss your curse, your laughter, or your whines for food… but now I did and it was no dream. I hated that… I want to hear it all over again.
Goku… even Sanzo wouldn't whack my head anymore… like the way he used to do to us when we fought for no reason. His shoureijuu never got warmed up… he had saved a lot bullets by not having to shoot at us crazily like those days. But I guess that's not what he wanted. And do you know? Sanzo cried… but I could not teased him without you around… and what more can I do… I was crying myself. Goku… you made me cried when all my life I tried really hard to hold it back… kono baka…
Saru…? I've always wanted to call you little bro or anything like it… but I never did. It gives me the creep to hear you called me o-nii-chan the first time we met. But now I really want to hear that from your mouth… please come back and call me once by that name… would you please? No, you would never came back, no matter what it takes.
Goku… Hakkai had finally stopped smiling. And I didn't like that just the way we hated his smiles… he looked better with a smile on his face. I'm afraid he was Cho Gonou once again. You were not here to see that. Not fair!!! He tried really hard to stop me from hurting myself… but he himself was even worst! The tears hadn't cease from his face. He was hurting and torturing himself more than I did. Goku, come back and make him smiled again… onegai…
Hakkai made me lied down on the bed… but how can I sleep when I kept seeing you everytime I closed my eyes and your voice whining for food kept penetrating my ears. You wouldn't stop pestering me with all the memories that you had given me… do you know how disturbing that was and do you know how it gives me the greatest sorrow ever…? No you wouldn't understand because you were not here to share it with us… we wouldn't have to go through all this if you were here…
Goku… you are selfish little brat… you leave us when you gave us the light and hope to carry on with our life…now you were taking it all back by leaving us like this. I hate you Goku… No, I was lying… I always did. I loved you Goku… even the love of hundred brothers couldn't compared to my love to you… because our bond was tightened differently from any brothers' would be. Goku… you are my little brother, even on the day where we met for the first time…
Poor Sanzo… I never thought I would say this someday, but I did. You want to know why… that poor guardian of yours suffered the most. Of course, why shouldn't he? He raised you up for eight long years. Enough time for him to build a strong bond with you, even he never show it upon you… Goku, I beg you, come back for him… at least in his dream. It's freaking me out to see him like that. Tears didn't suit him very well and solemn didn't fit his personality.
Sanzo buried you with his bare hands. His hands swelled and his knuckles reddened from digging the ground for your burial. He refused to let me help him… I'm weak he said… indeed I am. I almost collapsed when we tried to lift you and put you in the grave. He lifted you up all by himself and buried you… It was not easy for him… He was knocked out senseless when he finished his last responsibility on you. Even now, Sanzo was like a zombie… he might seemed to be alive but deep inside he was a dead man… he was dead the day you left… everyone of us was dead.
"Goku!!!!" I cried out loud for you… no one cares anymore… of course you will definitely ignored my scream. You were not here… Hakkai give me a pathetic look and Sanzo's shoulder trembled even harsher than before. "Come back…." The words slipped out my mouth like a soft hiss. I guess you would never listen.
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Soledad
It's A Keeping For The Lonely
Since The Day That You Were Gone
Why Did You Leave Me
Soledad
In My Heart You Were The Only
And Your Memory Lives On
Why Did You Leave Me
Soledad
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Sanzo's POV
I clamped my ears with both hands but still I could hear Gojyo's scream. I wanted to kill somebody… not him… but myself. You left me just like oshio-sama… Goku… I failed to protect you. Why you'd called me for the first place if you want to leave me like this. I wished I never have found you eight years ago… I wished I never went up that Gogyo mountain… I wished that I never held out my hand for you… I wished I never did anything… then we'd never met and I wouldn't have someone to protect and in the end failed to do so.
"The sun", that's what you always called me… "You hair shines like the sun" that's what you always said to me. A hell of a sun I am, a sun supposed to give light and life to all the beings while I can't even give life to one being like you… I failed you… Goku.
Why did it took a simple reason for you to die and leave us like this when all this while you should die in the brutal fights that we had fought? You should die fighting not just because a silly collision with a stupid rock… and that old hag… why did she wanted me to take you with me if she took you away from me?
Kono kannon-sama…! Why did you take him away from me? Why are you torturing me…? Kono baka yarou…!!! Give me back my Goku… give me back my life! You would never listen won't you… baka megumi! These tears… these tears… why it never stopped?
Ore wo baka! I should have told you how much I cared for you… how much I treasured you… but I guess it was too late. You were not here to listen. Goku… no one could replace you… no one could whine like you do… and no one would care for me like you do. I could never find someone like you. Come back and help me stop these tears. Only you can make me happy… Yes! I'm happy… I'm happy to have you with me. I know I never said or showed that in the open, but I'm happy when you were here with me.
Goku… you took my happiness and my life away with you… just like Oshio-sama did. You give me life, you give me hope, you give me everything… but you took it all away. You didn't know how much I liked it when you tugged at my sleeve and you didn't know much my heart melt when you gave me that puppy look of yours… couldn't you figure it out by yourself? Couldn't you figure out how much I cared when I surrendered to you…? I guess you never try to figure it out… of course you wouldn't… you're still a kid. You might looked like a young adult in the outside… but from the inside you are not more than nine year old kid who just want to play.
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Walking Down
The Streets Of Nothing Ville
Where Our Love Was Young And Free
Can't Believe Just What An Empty Place
It Has Come To Be
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My heart was empty right now… without you around… my heart contained nothing.
"K'so!" I cursed… that's what I could do now. I looked at my hands… these hands dug the ground for your grave… these hands held you and put you inside the grave…these hands were the one which took your hands and pulled it away from the stone prison… these hands were the one that whacked your head over and over… these hands were the one that shot you for being noisy… these hands patted your head… Goku… I wished I never had these hands so I don't have to do the things I did.
I held your diadem tightly to my chest, close to my heart… like the way I'd always wanted to hold you. What a fool I am? I should have hugged you and took you in my arms and told you how much I cared when I had the chance… now I'm just a complete baka who made a fool out of himself by hoping for something he would never get… this diadem proved to everyone that our bond was something out of this world.
The only thing I had with me right now was your memories… the only thing you left for me other than this diadem. I would never forget that… if only I could reach out for you and take you back into my life. The tears kept rolling down on my cheek. I tried to hide it from those two but I failed. Hakkai knew well I was crying… so did Gojyo… but they didn't say anything. Even they were crying… Hakkai's smile finally ceased and Gojyo had stopped talking and laughing… I hated that Goku although I really hope for that to happen someday… but not at the cost of losing you. You gave us everything and now you took it all away… you always said that I was mean and now who's the meanest among us? It's you Goku… it's you….
Or is it me? I'm sorry for whacking your head… I'm sorry for shooting at you… I'm sorry for treating you coldly… I'm sorry for making you cry… I'm sorry for disheartening you… I'm sorry that I never you how much I loved and how much I cared… I'm sorry for everything Goku… Gomen… but please come back.
Come back Goku and bring back the smile on Hakkai's face, come back and make Gojyo laughed again… come back and help me to stand up on my feet again. Come back and give me the chance to say how much I cared and how much I loved you… come back Goku… come back…
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I Would Give My
Life Away
If It Could Only Be The Same
'cause I Can't Still Hear The Voice Inside Of Me
That Is Calling Our Your Name
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What will it take for you to come back to us…? I'll do everything if that was possible… even if it means I have to die to make you come back… I would die… I would sacrifice my life to get you back. I would do whatever it takes… I just wished that everything would be the same… just like the way when you were around.
I missed everything about you… the way you smiled, the way you laughed, the way you pled me for food, the way you melt my heart with that puppy look of yours… I missed it all. Just give me all that back… just give me Goku back… and I wouldn't ask for more. That's the only thing I want… Goku… is it too much to ask?
'Sanzo, look for me!' I could hear your voice inside my head. Is it really you or is it my imagination? I couldn't figure it out… I kept hearing it over and over since the day you closed your eyes forever. 'I'll be waiting for you!!!' there it goes again. I clutched my head in my arms and tried to shake it away. But I could not. What? What are you trying to tell me?
Would it be possible? That someday I will meet you again? That someday you'll come back for me…for us? Will it possible that one day I will found you again and we'll be back together? You, me, Hakkai and Gojyo and once again we set on our journey? Your voice asked me to look for you… where should I start? When will I find you?
"Sanzo, look for me!"
"Sanzo, I'll be waiting for you"
"Sanzo, we'll be back together one day… wait for me"
Your voice rang in my ears from time to time. I guess that was it. You want me to look for you… you want us to look for you… but where should I begin?
"Continue our journey… I'll wait for you guys… I promised"
The last word that came out from your mouth answered my question. Are you sure? Will we ever meet again someday… looks like I have to trust in you… I will, I always do. Wait for me Goku! I'll find you somehow… I'll take in your hands in mine and once again we'll be together and this time I'll protect you and I would never let you go again.
I rose up on my feet and put your golden diadem in my robe… I'll give this to you the next time I meet you. I shook the tears away and looked at the two. They stared at me bewilderedly.
"Ikkuzo" the word slipped out from my tongue. Hakkai and Gojyo looked at me. They looked astounded… who wouldn't when the man who asked them to continue on the endless journey to the west was the one who suffered the most from your death? We should be mourning for your death but I guess you didn't want that right?
"Sanzo?" Hakkai gave me the pathetic look.
"We'll continue our journey to the west" I said… it's amazing on how I could find the courage to say that.
"Are you out of your mind…? This journey ended here… it ended the day Goku died" Gojyo tried to punch me on the face but I grabbed his fist right before it reached my face. He sunk onto me and cried like a baby. "How could you?" he wept.
"Get a hold of yourself Gojyo" I tried to console him. I knew he too suffered a great deal from your death. He loved you, didn't he? He's just to stupid to admit it, just like me.
"Yes… Gojyo, that's what Goku had always wanted… at least let's do it for him… let's complete it for him" Hakkai appeared from behind Gojyo and patted the red haired shoulder. The tears in that brunette's eyes already ceased and the smile reappeared. It was not the same like it used to be… but at least he's smiling again.
Gojyo lifted his face… "How do you know that?" he asked with rage.
"Goku told me… he talked to me" I whispered softly. Hakkai smiled. Gojyo gaped at me. "It's true and I'm not going to say it again" I turned around and headed for the door.
"Hai hai! Looks like we have no choice ne?" Hakkai was the first to tail me.
"Ch!" and Gojyo was the last. "It seems that I'll be bounded to follow that namaguza bouzu forever" he jested me again.
I allowed a faint smile to appear on my face as the two trailed my steps. Life would never be the same for us Goku… but we'll carry on for your sake.
"You are my sun Sanzo" your words rang in my ears. I would always remember that. I'll be your sun forever and I would find you at all cost, even if would take forever and even if it took me another life of my next reincarnation. And we'll found you because our love was beyond all things that any men could reach.
'Wait for us Goku… we'll find you for sure'
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Time Will Never
Change The Things You Told Me
After All We're Meant To Be
Love Will Bring Us Back To You And Me
If Only You Could See
To be continue…
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Ayie: Hai hai! One more chap to go and this fic will be completed. Cannot wait… Sorry to keep you wait for so long to upload this chap… chapter three which would be the last will be uploaded soon. You don't think I would leave this fic to end here right? ^__^
Sanzo: you're unpredictable…. That's why I don't trust in you…
Goku: Harahetta yo Sanzoooo? Made a puppy look at Sanzo
Sanzo: Ch! shoved a curry puff inside Goku's mouth
Gojyo: he…he…smirked devilishly you did have a softer side after all Sanzo-sama
Sanzo: Urusai!!! whacked Gojyo's head madly
A/n: In case you don't know… Soledad and Season in the Sun were Westlife songs… it didn't belong to me…