Ah…ah…Ken, Ken please…ah…ah, ahhh…
Oh…uh, Omi, ohh…I…I love…love…
Moans echoed in Omi's head as he got ready for school the next morning. Ken's moans, his own moans, both of their voices gasping each other's names…
He'd never had a dream like that before, for all that he was a teenage boy! He shivered, not quite able to decide whether he was desperate to see Ken again today or would rather not - how could he look at Ken without thinking about…
Omi, Omi…ahh…I love you!
He was blushing terribly already - and there wasn't even anybody here! He tried to push Ken, along with the dream and all his current thoughts, out of his head and worry instead about the fact that he hadn't done any homework last night at all. He had spent hours with his book in front of him, sucking his pen and thinking about…
Oh that worked.
Omi walked to school in a daze. It was just unbelievable how much this whole thing was getting to him. He really couldn't stop thinking about Ken, and it was really driving him crazy… This was so stupid! How could he possibly be even thinking of the possibility of anything ever happening between him and Ken, who Ouka had labelled "his gorgeous soccer-player" when he'd spoken to her on the phone last night. Omi sighed. If only he was "his". But he never would be, and that was why the whole thing was stupid!
He felt like hitting his head on a wall, perhaps it would knock some sense into him…
The formroom was empty apart from Aya and Youji. As Omi walked in, he smiled slightly to see Youji with his head on his arms on the table, and Aya stroking his wavy hair gently.
Then he sat down and banged his head on the desk.
Youji lifted his head and winked blearily at him.
"'ey Omi."
Aya let go of Youji's blond hair and glared at Omi by way of a morning greeting.
"Late night Youji?" Omi asked vaguely, and Aya smirked.
"Someone stayed out till four clubbing…" he said simply, and Youji groaned. Aya smirked again, then stared pointedly at Omi.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
Aya continued to stare at him.
Dammit, why'd he always know?
"'sup Omes? Looks like love to me.." Youji commented, head in his arms again.
Aya glanced at Youji, then looked at Omi in surprise.
"Love!" Omi snorted. "That's ridiculous! Who'd ever love me!"
"You should have more confidence," Aya said shortly. Youji nodded and sat up.
"If that's why love's getting you down, you're being ridiculous! You're perfectly loveable! Not that I love you.. But…what Aya said."
"But he'd never..I'm just…me…and he's so…love? That's ridiculous! There's nothing wrong!" He could feel his face heating up, and got to his feet quickly. "I have to go see Ouka!"
He rushed out of the door. Ouka would help him, she was a girl, she knew about this…love stuff and stuff…right? He was going to go crazy if he didn't…if something didn't…he was just going to go crazy! He was already crazy!! It was just insane…what was he doing falling for a gorgeous, twenty year old football player? Or for anyone? He didn't know how to deal with this! What was he supposed to do?
"Ouka!" he called, catching sight of his friend in the corridor before he got to her formroom. "Ouka! You have to help me! I'm going crazy!"
Ouka turned around and waited for him, one eyebrow raised.
"Calm down, Omi!" she said as he hurried agitatedly towards her.
"I don't know what to do Ouka, I can't stop thinking about him, and I'm going mad thinking about him, and I don't even know him, I don't even know anything ABOUT him, but I want him SOOOO bad, and every time I think about him I think he'll never want me, and it makes me feel so bad, and I don't know what to…"
"OMI!" Ouka shouted, shocking Omi out of his upset rant. He stared at her. "Calm down! Listen, don't worry, come on…let's go to somewhere a little less people-full and you can talk properly about it…talk, not rave like a loony…"
Omi stared at the floor miserably.
"Omi…I know this is upsetting you, but please, you have to think about the whole thing calmly or it'll just feel like it's getting worse! Come on."
"You're right," he said quietly as he followed her to the soundproof practice rooms where they could safely talk about anything. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go on…it's just…I don't even know how I feel, how I SHOULD feel… Nothing like this has ever happened to me before! I've never felt anything like this…"
"So sit down, and tell me about it," Ouka said as she shut the door behind them.
"Oh Ouka, it's just…it's unbelievable, and I love it, but I hate it, I can't concentrate, I can't think about anything else… I KNOW it's wrong, in here, you know…" He touched a finger to his head. "I am aware that I only met him yesterday… But…it doesn't FEEL wrong, it feels like…in here…" He tapped his chest. "It feels like I've never done anything in my life except meet him! I mean…I just knew when I saw him, I just…I…oh I give up! I can't even begin to explain it... Does it sound crazy?"
Ouka smiled at him.
"A little."
Omi smiled back at her, then shook his head.
"But he'll never like me, and god, it almost hurts when I think about that… I don't feel like there'll be anything left without him…that sounds crazy aswell, doesn't it? We'll be late to register, we better go… But… Oh man…what am I supposed to do? How can I stop thinking about him? I don't want to stop…lo…liking…I don't want to stop! But if I don't, it won't stop hurting, and I won't stop feeling sad… But if I do, this amazing happy feeling will go…and I don't think I can even be happy for any other reason any more… Don't you have any advice? What do I do?!"
"Omi, I wish I could help but…I've never been in love!"
"I'm not in love! I just like him.. I mean… I can't love him!"
Ouka sighed exasperatedly.
"OK, you want my advice? Wake up, Omi! Open your eyes…you know you love him! DON'T say it's impossible, because it can't be, because you do! Just accept it, and think about it, and…and you'll know what to do better than I ever could, because I'm not you!"
Omi stared at her. The bell rang loudly, and Ouka stood up abruptly.
"I will listen, Omi, but I can't help you, and I'm sorry… This thing is yours. See you later. And Omi? Be HAPPY! Everything will work itself out, everything always works out if you just let it."
Omi stared at the door the girl had just left by.
How truly helpful she was.
Love? He didn't love Ken! Ouka was wrong. It was just…impossible…impossible…
I love you more than anything! I'll love you forever..
His dream came back to him again, his own words… Just because you dreamed of saying something…that didn't mean you really meant it, did it?
You know you love him, Ouka had said.
I know I love him.
I know I love him.
I know I love him.
"I know…I love him," he murmured.
TBC