The main reason for this fic is to get Harry and Draco together in one of the most interesting ways and to make it funny... wish me luck
Rating: R (just to be safe)
Disclaimer:
Fay (My muse): walks forward holding a tape player, she presses play... nothing happens... she carefully taps it on the side... nothing happens... she smiles at the readers before she suddenly smacks the tape player to the ground... nothing happens... she stomps on it... nothing happens... once...nothing happens... twice... the tape starts to play, quivering at first.
*From the tape player* I do... I mean...I d-d-d-don't............... ownHarryPotterthebookoranyofthecharacters (a sudden despairing cry erupts from the tape)
Fay: scrambles to shut off the inhuman wail. "That my dear reader is the only acceptance that I have been able to wring from the author, I mean... capture on tape"
Pen (the author... me): sobbing in the corner hugging her meager Harry Potter collection
Warnings: yaoi, violence, bad language, Lemony fresh flavor...(whatever else there is just to be safe)
Tittle: Land, air, and water
Ch. 1
In the middle of no where...
A place only meant for fish and the extremely insane...
Or that's what was running through Draco's mind as the rail he was leaning against rose softly with the waves, his stomach rising as well.
"Isn't this wonderful Draco?! The soft breeze the fresh air, the cleansing sun, and your mother getting a full body tan!" Lucious peaked over his sunglasses to look towards the bow where his wife was currently sunbathing... in the nude.
Draco only groaned in response refusing to lift his head.
Lucious Malfoy took his eyes off his wife's bare skin and turned his attention to his son, who was currently dehydrated and slowly dying of thirst in a boat surrounded by undrinkable water. Grinning Lucious took a piece of ice from his glass and headed toward his son's sunburned back.
"Lucious! Don't you dare do that to my baby!"
Lucious cringed, grin still on his face. "Darling, do you truly think I'm capable?"
Narcissus got up and grabbed a towel. "Don't give me that! I know what you were going to do!"
Lucious eyed the slim woman making her way to his side. "Well its sooooo boring sitting over here with only Draco as company." A lazy smile made its trek across his face as she moved in front of him.
Narcissus laughed and placed her hand at the top of her towel she paused only for a moment to look around her husband. "Good, it looks like Draco was kind enough to go in so we could have the boat to ourselves" she wiggled her eyebrows and let her towel drop almost bursting into laughter at her husbands gleeful expression.
"I'll have to give that boy a reward for this!"
At that Narcissus burst out in laughter, quickly stifled as she was pulled into her husband's lap and promptly French kissed.
O.oO_Oo.O
(Draco)
"Uh, I can't stand this blistering heat much longer" Draco whispered to himself as his hand slid from the rail he looked at it through hazy eyes then brought his other hand up to wipe away the sweat beading on his brow. With a cartoon effect he suddenly realized it was not humanly possible to be holding on with no hands and the moment he realized it he registered the cool water all around him.
He had fallen off the boat...
Forcing his body into action, Draco furiously swung his limbs to pull him towards what he thought was the surface... only it wasn't. A twist of fate had him upside down in the water so that now Draco was madly trying to reach a surface unreachable to a human such as himself.
His lungs began to burn and fear bubbled up in him as stroke after stroke only reveled even darker blue depths and just as he had given up hope, silver flashed before his eyes
What could it be? He squinted his eyes and stopped struggling as a smooth gray body pushed up under him. He grabbed onto a fin that cropped up before his eyes and held on for dear life as the thing under him shot quickly to the surface.
The moment the surface was breached Draco took in a huge breath and collapsed onto the blue gray body he still clung to.
"I'm bloody alive..." Draco burst out into giggles
The body under Malfoy moved and dipped slightly into the water causing Draco to clutch at the slippery skin and let out a sharp squeal stopping his earlier giggles
"Don't you dare dive you monstrous animal! I can't breath under water!"
The animal let out a few high pitched clicks as though it were laughing and wiggled even more under the palling Draco
"I said stop you bloody animal!"
More clicks like laughter, but the body stilled.
Draco slowly lay down on the rubbery skin curving his body around the protruding fin to lay where he though the head most likely to be and sighed. "That's good. Now, isn't it much nicer to do as I say?"
A blast of air lifted Draco's wet bangs and little bits of water went up his nose. Draco cursed as he sat up, while the animal laughed in its special way.
"You're a dolphin, aren't you?" Draco growled as he wipped away the water in his face
The animal bobbed in a sort of confirmation and Draco slid into the water keeping a tight hold onto the dolphin's fin so that he could look into the face of his rescuer.
"You know my dad says he likes dolphins. Because he says aside from humans dolphins are the only other species that have sex for pleasure." The dolphin let off more clicks and wiggled a bit Draco held on for dear life.
"Don't do that I CAN'T swim!" more clicks were let off and Draco breathed relief when the animal stopped.
There was a moment of silence before Draco found it uncomfortable and decided to talk. "Now where am I? Do you know?" The dolphin looked over at Draco with one dark eye. Draco giggled, "I guess you do, but even if you did I wouldn't be able to understand you therefore!" Draco raised one finger and took a deep breath. "It is completely useless... to me" his finger drooped and his head fell after his last statement. The dolphin let off a string of clicks obviously amused by Draco's mini drama.
Draco smirked his trademark smirk and petted the smooth skin under him. "At least I'll die with company."
Silence reigned for a few moments before the dolphin got a glint in his eye and began his scheme. The animal clicked and bobbed Draco squealed and clutched onto the slippery skin. "Stop, stop! I want to die latter then sooner!" but the dolphin didn't listen and bobbed some more getting Draco to clutch even harder.
O.oO_Oo.O
The dolphin remembered that an entrance cave was near by but he couldn't remember for the life of him how long it took to swim down there. Two minutes... five... oh well the human could hold its breath. And with one last dip to make sure the blond had a good grip on his fin he dove, the joy of water all around him egged him on faster and faster. The dolphin finally saw the cave entrance and registered the Humans grip on his back.
Good, he'd be able to keep him!
With joy throughout his body the Dolphin entered the dark moth of the cave an extra flip of his tail showing how happy he was.
They emerged into a pocket of air.
O.oO_Oo.O
Draco coughed and clutched tightly with one hand while the other wiped the hair and Water out of his eyes.
"you evil nasty creature! I almost died!" Draco splashed a bit in indignation.
The dolphin seemed not to hear Draco for he just kept on swimming happily up to a shore that magically appeared in front of him. Draco slipped away and let out a happy shout as he emerged completely from the water and collapsed on the sandy shore face firmly buried into the sand.
"I'm alive!" he mumbled into the ground getting sand in his mouth and not caring.
"Yes you are, and I'm very glad of it"
Draco twisted around to where the voice had come from and his mouth dropped open a dribble of sand falling back to the floor, slightly lumpy and wet.
Before him stood a buck naked bronze god with a smile on his lips, mused raven hair and eyes that shone like emeralds.
"oh my... hell..."
the boy burst out in a soft chuckle and he hid his mouth for a moment at Draco's expression.
Draco's poor water starved body couldn't help his reactions and there were reactions... Draco gulped and his eyes seemed to fall of their own accord.
The boy became aware of Draco's distress, it only seemed to entertain him more as he walked around him to where his clothes were laid. The blonde's eyes stayed on him the whole time.
"so..."
Draco jumped and looked down at his hands to help slow his breath.
"I saved your life"
Draco lifted his eyes to meet sea green, "Yes, and I'm sure my father will reward you handsomely... well that is if I ever see him again... if you're not some freak who just wants to hurt me..."
Now wearing a pair of loose Kakuei tie shorts the boy couldn't help but burst into laughter. "I'm not going to hurt you, well, that is... only if you want me to." He smiled at Draco with a glint in his eyes. Draco's own gray eyes widened at all that implied.
Silence reighned between them when a sudden interuption drew both their attention.
"Harry! I've told you a million times! You have to stay within my sight whenever you're..."
Two pair of eyes turned to the Red head who came storming out of the water and stood stock still when he caught sight of Draco.
"Bloody Hell Harry, what have you done..."
Hee hee heeee!! Where is Draco? and what does this all mean?... no, realy I don't have a clue! *innocent eyes*
Is there a magical world or isn't there? Why is Ron acting like Harry's Dad? Why was Harry Naked? All this and more in the next episode of Land, Air, and Water!!
Rating: R (just to be safe)
Disclaimer:
Fay (My muse): walks forward holding a tape player, she presses play... nothing happens... she carefully taps it on the side... nothing happens... she smiles at the readers before she suddenly smacks the tape player to the ground... nothing happens... she stomps on it... nothing happens... once...nothing happens... twice... the tape starts to play, quivering at first.
*From the tape player* I do... I mean...I d-d-d-don't............... ownHarryPotterthebookoranyofthecharacters (a sudden despairing cry erupts from the tape)
Fay: scrambles to shut off the inhuman wail. "That my dear reader is the only acceptance that I have been able to wring from the author, I mean... capture on tape"
Pen (the author... me): sobbing in the corner hugging her meager Harry Potter collection
Warnings: yaoi, violence, bad language, Lemony fresh flavor...(whatever else there is just to be safe)
Tittle: Land, air, and water
Ch. 1
In the middle of no where...
A place only meant for fish and the extremely insane...
Or that's what was running through Draco's mind as the rail he was leaning against rose softly with the waves, his stomach rising as well.
"Isn't this wonderful Draco?! The soft breeze the fresh air, the cleansing sun, and your mother getting a full body tan!" Lucious peaked over his sunglasses to look towards the bow where his wife was currently sunbathing... in the nude.
Draco only groaned in response refusing to lift his head.
Lucious Malfoy took his eyes off his wife's bare skin and turned his attention to his son, who was currently dehydrated and slowly dying of thirst in a boat surrounded by undrinkable water. Grinning Lucious took a piece of ice from his glass and headed toward his son's sunburned back.
"Lucious! Don't you dare do that to my baby!"
Lucious cringed, grin still on his face. "Darling, do you truly think I'm capable?"
Narcissus got up and grabbed a towel. "Don't give me that! I know what you were going to do!"
Lucious eyed the slim woman making her way to his side. "Well its sooooo boring sitting over here with only Draco as company." A lazy smile made its trek across his face as she moved in front of him.
Narcissus laughed and placed her hand at the top of her towel she paused only for a moment to look around her husband. "Good, it looks like Draco was kind enough to go in so we could have the boat to ourselves" she wiggled her eyebrows and let her towel drop almost bursting into laughter at her husbands gleeful expression.
"I'll have to give that boy a reward for this!"
At that Narcissus burst out in laughter, quickly stifled as she was pulled into her husband's lap and promptly French kissed.
O.oO_Oo.O
(Draco)
"Uh, I can't stand this blistering heat much longer" Draco whispered to himself as his hand slid from the rail he looked at it through hazy eyes then brought his other hand up to wipe away the sweat beading on his brow. With a cartoon effect he suddenly realized it was not humanly possible to be holding on with no hands and the moment he realized it he registered the cool water all around him.
He had fallen off the boat...
Forcing his body into action, Draco furiously swung his limbs to pull him towards what he thought was the surface... only it wasn't. A twist of fate had him upside down in the water so that now Draco was madly trying to reach a surface unreachable to a human such as himself.
His lungs began to burn and fear bubbled up in him as stroke after stroke only reveled even darker blue depths and just as he had given up hope, silver flashed before his eyes
What could it be? He squinted his eyes and stopped struggling as a smooth gray body pushed up under him. He grabbed onto a fin that cropped up before his eyes and held on for dear life as the thing under him shot quickly to the surface.
The moment the surface was breached Draco took in a huge breath and collapsed onto the blue gray body he still clung to.
"I'm bloody alive..." Draco burst out into giggles
The body under Malfoy moved and dipped slightly into the water causing Draco to clutch at the slippery skin and let out a sharp squeal stopping his earlier giggles
"Don't you dare dive you monstrous animal! I can't breath under water!"
The animal let out a few high pitched clicks as though it were laughing and wiggled even more under the palling Draco
"I said stop you bloody animal!"
More clicks like laughter, but the body stilled.
Draco slowly lay down on the rubbery skin curving his body around the protruding fin to lay where he though the head most likely to be and sighed. "That's good. Now, isn't it much nicer to do as I say?"
A blast of air lifted Draco's wet bangs and little bits of water went up his nose. Draco cursed as he sat up, while the animal laughed in its special way.
"You're a dolphin, aren't you?" Draco growled as he wipped away the water in his face
The animal bobbed in a sort of confirmation and Draco slid into the water keeping a tight hold onto the dolphin's fin so that he could look into the face of his rescuer.
"You know my dad says he likes dolphins. Because he says aside from humans dolphins are the only other species that have sex for pleasure." The dolphin let off more clicks and wiggled a bit Draco held on for dear life.
"Don't do that I CAN'T swim!" more clicks were let off and Draco breathed relief when the animal stopped.
There was a moment of silence before Draco found it uncomfortable and decided to talk. "Now where am I? Do you know?" The dolphin looked over at Draco with one dark eye. Draco giggled, "I guess you do, but even if you did I wouldn't be able to understand you therefore!" Draco raised one finger and took a deep breath. "It is completely useless... to me" his finger drooped and his head fell after his last statement. The dolphin let off a string of clicks obviously amused by Draco's mini drama.
Draco smirked his trademark smirk and petted the smooth skin under him. "At least I'll die with company."
Silence reigned for a few moments before the dolphin got a glint in his eye and began his scheme. The animal clicked and bobbed Draco squealed and clutched onto the slippery skin. "Stop, stop! I want to die latter then sooner!" but the dolphin didn't listen and bobbed some more getting Draco to clutch even harder.
O.oO_Oo.O
The dolphin remembered that an entrance cave was near by but he couldn't remember for the life of him how long it took to swim down there. Two minutes... five... oh well the human could hold its breath. And with one last dip to make sure the blond had a good grip on his fin he dove, the joy of water all around him egged him on faster and faster. The dolphin finally saw the cave entrance and registered the Humans grip on his back.
Good, he'd be able to keep him!
With joy throughout his body the Dolphin entered the dark moth of the cave an extra flip of his tail showing how happy he was.
They emerged into a pocket of air.
O.oO_Oo.O
Draco coughed and clutched tightly with one hand while the other wiped the hair and Water out of his eyes.
"you evil nasty creature! I almost died!" Draco splashed a bit in indignation.
The dolphin seemed not to hear Draco for he just kept on swimming happily up to a shore that magically appeared in front of him. Draco slipped away and let out a happy shout as he emerged completely from the water and collapsed on the sandy shore face firmly buried into the sand.
"I'm alive!" he mumbled into the ground getting sand in his mouth and not caring.
"Yes you are, and I'm very glad of it"
Draco twisted around to where the voice had come from and his mouth dropped open a dribble of sand falling back to the floor, slightly lumpy and wet.
Before him stood a buck naked bronze god with a smile on his lips, mused raven hair and eyes that shone like emeralds.
"oh my... hell..."
the boy burst out in a soft chuckle and he hid his mouth for a moment at Draco's expression.
Draco's poor water starved body couldn't help his reactions and there were reactions... Draco gulped and his eyes seemed to fall of their own accord.
The boy became aware of Draco's distress, it only seemed to entertain him more as he walked around him to where his clothes were laid. The blonde's eyes stayed on him the whole time.
"so..."
Draco jumped and looked down at his hands to help slow his breath.
"I saved your life"
Draco lifted his eyes to meet sea green, "Yes, and I'm sure my father will reward you handsomely... well that is if I ever see him again... if you're not some freak who just wants to hurt me..."
Now wearing a pair of loose Kakuei tie shorts the boy couldn't help but burst into laughter. "I'm not going to hurt you, well, that is... only if you want me to." He smiled at Draco with a glint in his eyes. Draco's own gray eyes widened at all that implied.
Silence reighned between them when a sudden interuption drew both their attention.
"Harry! I've told you a million times! You have to stay within my sight whenever you're..."
Two pair of eyes turned to the Red head who came storming out of the water and stood stock still when he caught sight of Draco.
"Bloody Hell Harry, what have you done..."
Hee hee heeee!! Where is Draco? and what does this all mean?... no, realy I don't have a clue! *innocent eyes*
Is there a magical world or isn't there? Why is Ron acting like Harry's Dad? Why was Harry Naked? All this and more in the next episode of Land, Air, and Water!!