Goodnight by Gaki

Goodnight, sleep tight
No more tears
-- Evanescence

It rarely happens. So rare that whenever it did happened, it would some times catch him by surprise. Yet, he did not say anything about it. He would only watch quietly as silent drops of water trail down the person's cheek. He would just sit there, watching silently as the person softly cried in their sleep and he would slowly bring their head onto his lap. It rarely happens and when it did, he would stay awake the whole night. He would stay awake so that he would be able to see each silent teardrop.

It rarely happens and when it did it reminded him of how much he was still hurting inside.

No one knew about it of course. It wasn't as if they wouldn't be able to understand, it's just that they would be surprised. Probably even shocked. He was always so calm and composed in everything he did. So sturdy and strong, like cement for the entire household yet they couldn't see behind the veil of dark hair across his eyes that he was still human. That he was just like them and he was suffering silently but was keeping it to himself because he was not the type of person to bother others with his own sorrow.

Always thinking about others, that was how he always was. No matter what time or day it was, he would always be ready to tend to those of his family. Always thinking about others. He was so selfless.

He ran his hand slowly through those locks of dark hair, letting them caress his skin as he brushed them away from a closed eye. He gazed down at that eye. His head tilting slightly to the side, he gazed at the eye that was wounded. He gazed down into the eye that would forever hold the scar of what had happened and of what could never be undone. The closed eye looked fine. It looked like what any other eye would look like when closed, yet he knew. He knew that in that eye, Hatori could still see the past being repeated over and over again. He knew that in that eye that was forever scarred the past, where Hatori had done the one thing to protect the person he loved most, was being played over again for him.

He knew he was seeing that every day. He knew because there would be moments where Hatori would just stand still in one place. He knew because some times when they were together, he would look over his shoulder and find Hatori standing there with a distant look in his eyes. He knew because whenever he looked deep into Hatori's eyes he could see it. He could still see her in his eyes. He could see her smile and the way the wind would play with her hair just so. He could see the way she used to reach out to Hatori and could almost picture in his mind the smile the other man would have on his face.

He knew that that eye was still seeing her. He knew that that eye would always be missing her, would always be longing to see her again if only for one moment. He would not deny and say that he wasn't jealous. He won't put up a show and say loudly in his voice that he wasn't the least bit jealous. He was jealous. He was very jealous that a part of Hatori would always belong to her. He was jealous that even after all the time they've spent with each other, it would only take a single moment and Hatori would once again remember how it felt to hold hands not with him, but with her. He was jealous but mostly he was angry.

He was angry because of what happened. He was angry because he could not un-do the past. He was angry because while she is able to move on with her life, Hatori couldn't. Hatori couldn't because he alone is left with the memories they had made together. Hatori alone was suffering from being away from the one person he cared about the most in the world while she was living with someone else. Someone who she thought was the one person she loved the most while in truth, he was Hatori. He was angry because he was not the person Hatori loved the most. He was angry because he would never be able to compare to her. He would never be able to stand up to what she had given to Hatori. He would never be able to give Hatori the joy he felt when she had accepted him as himself. He would never be able to be the person Hatori thought as the only one who saw him as Hatori and not the cursed member of the household.

He was angry and so very jealous of her. He was jealous of the smiles Hatori had given to her alone and never to anyone else, not even him. He was jealous of the open affection they had for each other.

Yet, as he looked down at Hatori's sleeping face, his jealousy melted away. As he took in the soft picture of Hatori sleeping, his anger and resentment towards the one person who was both a blessing and a curse in his life slowly faded. As he saw another teardrop fall silently and slowly down a cheek, he no longer felt jealous of the person who should never be spoken of.

Pressing his hand gently against Hatori's cheek, he felt calm again. And at that moment, he realized something. He realized something very important as he brushed another tear from Hatori's cheek.

He realized that even though Kana would always have Hatori's smiles and open affection to herself, he… he had this. He had the Hatori that no one would ever be able to see. He had the Hatori who wasn't calm and composed. He alone had the Hatori that still felt pain and showed emotion. The Hatori that was always composed was for every one to see. The Hatori that smiled and knew what happiness was like was for Kana. The Hatori that was hurt, in pain, showed emotion and needed comfort… was his alone.

And that thought comforted him. It comforted him because this is the part of Hatori that Hatori would give to him alone. Only with him would Hatori feel safe enough to let down his guard enough to show him that he was hurting inside. It comforted him that Hatori allowed him to be the one to see the pain and comfort him. And as he continued to dry the tears from Hatori's face, he smiled softly. Let her have the smiles and the affection. Let them have the seriousness and the support. He was happy with this. He was happy to be able to be apart of this and some how comfort him. Once, he'd run away from someone when they needed him and now he had to suffer the lost. But now… now he won't run anymore. He won't turn away from the hand that was currently reaching out for him. He won't ignore the look in those eyes whenever they turned to gaze at him. No. Instead he would meet them halfway. If that hand were to reach out for his own, he would catch it halfway. If those eyes were to ever look for his, he would find them halfway.

That wounded eye might still be seeing her. That eye and a part of him might always miss her but that was fine. Because he is here and she isn't. He is the one who was currently caressing Hatori's face. He is the one who watched him adoringly as he worked. He is the one who gaze at him as he slowly drifted off to sleep and the one he saw when he woke up in the morning. He is always here and she was no longer. And he would continue to stay where he was for as long as he was allowed to be and even then, he would not leave. He would stay by Hatori's side. He would be the shoulder for Hatori when he needed it. He would be the laughter when Hatori couldn't laugh himself. He would be the loud annoying cousin just to let Hatori know that he was never alone. He would act and joke and flutter about just to prove to Hatori that whenever he needed someone… that someone was already there.

Looking up, he found that morning had already come. The sun was just peaking over the rooftops and was slowly making its way into the room. Closing his eyes for a bit, he leaned his head back against the pillow, letting the cool morning air lick at his skin as he fought off the need to sleep. The body lying halfway on his lap stirred a bit as the birds outside continued to sing loudly. His eyes still reminded closed even when he tried to open them again. Letting out a breath, he gave in to them and let them stay closed. The body stirred once again and he tiredly tangle a few strands of hair around a finger.

There was suddenly a warm hand to his cheek. There was suddenly two warm hands to his cheek and he was suddenly being pulled down. Suddenly he was surrounded by warmth from all sides and he felt so comfortable that he couldn't, didn't want to, move. And then suddenly there was a hand running through his hair and an arm pulling him closer to a warm body and he felt so warm. And then suddenly there was a face pressed against his own and a warm breath across his cheek as a voice muttered softly…

"… Goodnight."

And Ayame smiled, turning around so that his face was pressed against Hatori's neck as he replied.

"… No. It's good morning, Tori-san."

Goodnight morning, I'll be here
And when we say goodnight, Dry your eyes