Title: Complicated Lives
Author: Kate
Pairing: CJ/Toby
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine – I'm just having fun with them
Spoilers: Everything up to 25
Archive: Just let me know
Feedback: Is always appreciated
Thanks to Angie for being my sounding board, beta and friend!
(1/14)
"Andi's pregnant." Toby stated simply and quietly.
CJ looked up at him shocked. They had agreed to wait a few more weeks before letting the others know about Andi's pregnancy.
Toby looked at CJ as he held up his fingers, first one and then a second – they were having twins! Toby quietly left the room knowing that CJ would make her excuses and follow him.
"I'm gonna get hats," she laughed as she left the makeshift office. As she got to the bottom of the stairs she felt a hand reach out for her and pull her into a darkened corner.
His mouth pressed against hers and he kissed her hungrily until they both remembered where they were and could be caught at any moment.
"Twins." CJ sighed.
"Pretty amazing isn't it." Toby dropped another light kiss on her neck. "Listen I didn't mean for all this 'Team Toby' business to start. I know when we talked about it you were okay with the idea but now that everybody else seems to want to be involved – well, I just don't want you to feel like you being edged out."
"Toby we talked about this when we decided to go ahead with it – I understand you want to make sure you have the legal rights of a father, I understand you want your children to have your name, I even understand you wanting to protect Andi. It's not like it's going to be a real marriage, I know it's me you're going to come home to each night." She sighed again and rested her head on his shoulder. "Twins – wow".
Three Months Earlier
"Toby."
"Andrea."
"We need to talk," she said not waiting to be invited in. Toby rose and poked his head out the door telling Bonnie he didn't want to be disturbed. He closed the door and took a seat next to his ex-wife.
"What's up?"
"I had a call from the fertility clinic this morning. They want to know what to do with the eggs. They only keep them for four years and our time is almost up."
Toby leaned forward and began rubbing his hand across his head. With that one sentence Toby saw the last chance he would have to become a father about to be defrosted.
"I know what you're thinking Pokey and lets not be too hasty – if I thought that was our only choice I wouldn't be here talking to you." Andi reached out and took his hand. "I know why CJ left you all those years ago." Toby looked at her, concerned she thought she had been his second choice. "I know you married me because you thought you loved me - but I knew part of your heart would always belong to her."
"I did love you Andi – in a strange way I still do."
"I know you do. But you and CJ are together again and that is the way it was always meant to be. She was my best friend and you were my husband – I know you both better than I think you know yourselves sometimes."
Toby smiled at her directness – knowing she was probably right.
"Toby, I think CJ should be here to hear what I want to say." Toby nodded and rang CJ's extension quietly telling her Andi was in his office and wanted to talk to them both.
Once they were all seated Andi began. "This isn't exactly the place I would pick to talk about this but the chances of us all being free again………" She smiled at the nervous look on Toby's face. "CJ, you know Toby and I were having fertility problems just before we broke up."
CJ nodded, the irony was not lost on her. The whole reason she had left New York all those years ago was because she found out she couldn't have children and she knew it was something Toby wanted very badly.
Andi continued. "We had some eggs frozen and the fertility clinic called this morning to let me know we have to make a decision about what we want to do with them." She leaned forward taking their hands in hers. "Guys I want to have a baby."
CJ and Toby looked first at Andi and then at each other, startled by what she had just said.
"Hear me out before you say anything," she pleaded. "I want to be a mother, you two are a couple – even though I'm probably the only person in DC who knows it," she smiled at them, "and I know if you could you would have a tribe of kids by now." She didn't miss the look of pain that crossed CJ's face.
Her inability to conceive was a topic she had only ever discussed with Andi when she had first found out. Andi had begged her not to leave New York, not to leave Toby but CJ had been stubborn and thought she was doing what was best.
"I've been thinking about this for a while now – I think we can do it. We've known each other for over twenty years and yes we have a complicated relationship but we would be giving this child three loving parents – that's more than a lot of kids get".
"Wow – I certainly wasn't expecting that when I came in here," CJ said when she recovered her power of speech. "You're sure. I mean, are you sure you want to do this. With us, you really want to do this with us."
Andi turned and faced the woman she had gone to college with, her closest friend for over two decades. "CJ, I wouldn't consider doing this with anyone else."
Toby sat staring dumfounded at these two amazing women in front of him. The only two women he had ever loved and here they were, calmly talking about how they could make him a father. "This is all surreal – I need to think about this – CJ we need to talk about this and then I think we should all talk again."
Andi rose. "You're right. Dinner tomorrow night at my place – we'll talk some more."
(2/14)
Saybrook Institute
CJ had barely been able to contain her happiness as she emceed the mock debate. She couldn't get the smile off her face. As much as she was enjoying the challenge of debate prep she couldn't wait until they finished for the night and she had a chance to talk to Andi.
Finally at midnight she knocked on the of Andi's cabin. "I come bearing gifts of hot chocolate mother of twins!." CJ said to the still closed door.
The door opened. "Thank God it's you, I thought Toby had come to propose again!" Then, realising what she had said, clamped her hand over her mouth.
CJ smiled. "It's okay, I know about it – hell I'm even part of 'Team Toby,'" she laughed sarcastically. "I can't say I'm over the moon about the idea but I can understand his reasoning."
"CJ, I don't want to marry him again – you have to convince him of what a really bad idea it is."
"Andi, Andi, Andi, you were married to the man for nine years – do you really think I could convince him to do anything?" CJ laughed at the idea. "His motives are pure, he wants the babies to have his name, he just wants to protect you and the kids. A single, liberal congresswoman who is pregnant – you are going to get a lot of bad press about this – he just wants to shield you from it."
"I know," Andi sighed, "but I knew that was going to happen – our lives are complicated enough as it is without Toby marrying me and living with you."
"When you put it like that we sound like we belong on some bad daytime soap – but I'll talk to him."
That sat in companionable silence for a while, both sipping at their hot chocolate.
"We've never talked about what happened after you left New York." Andi said cautiously.
"I left, you and Toby fell in love and got married." CJ shrugged. "I was happy you found each other – at least he married someone I liked," she forced a smile.
"That's just it, looking back on it, I don't think Toby and I did fall in love," Andi confessed. "Don't get me wrong, we certainly loved each other but we were never in love – we missed you and sort of gravitated to each other. It was over a year after you left before he even kissed me" Andi laughed.
California 1989
"CJ, is that you?"
"Yeah – Andi?"
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Umm I have some news………" CJ held the phone to her ear, knowing what her friend was about to say – wanting to hear it so she would have closure and at the same time not wanting to hear it because it would mean that Toby would never be hers. "Toby and I ……. you know how I wrote and told you we had been seeing a lot of each other ………….. well…….god this is so hard…………." CJ heard Andi take a deep breath, "Toby and I are getting married."
CJ felt the tears begin to well in her eyes but she knew this was for the best. Andi could give Toby something she never could – a family. "Andi, that's great – I'm really happy for both of you – listen I have to go, there's someone at the door but I'll call you next week and you can tell me all about it."
The minute she hung up the phone CJ gave in to the tears that had been threatening the whole time she had been talking to Andi. She hadn't lied, she was happy for them but she was only human, she was also as jealous as hell. Andi was going to get the life she always wanted.
Saybrook Institute
CJ remembered how she had cried for close to a week and decided it had been her choice to leave and it was a choice she had to live with and by the time she had sat in the front row at their wedding she had been genuinely happy for them.
She looked up at Andi. "We all make choices in our lives – we can either live with them or spend all our time second guessing ourselves." The two women were still looking at each other when their thoughts were interrupted by a knock.
"Toby." They said in unison.
Toby walked in, not at all surprised to find the two women together. Since they had decided to go ahead with having the baby they had become even closer than when he first met them. Toby sat next to CJ and rested his hand on her thigh and gently began stroking.
"How the hell did I score the cabin between you two." Andi groaned. "I hope you've gotten quieter over the years." Andi grinned as the two heads in front of her shot up. "I used to have the room next to CJ in the flat in New York – you think I didn't hear?" She laughed.
"On that note," CJ grinned, "I'm off to a 'Team Toby' meeting," she rose from the couch. Toby groaned. CJ cupped his face in her hands and gently kissed him. "Don't you want me on the inside making sure they aren't planning anything too horrible for you?"
"I wish I'd kept my big mouth shut." He grumbled in response.
"Well you didn't and now you have to pay." She laughed as she walked to the door and opened it. "Oh Andi, by the way – we're louder!" Toby and Andi could still hear her laughing as she walked towards Sam's cabin.
3/14
Two hours later CJ let herself into her cabin, careful not to make any noise in case Toby was asleep.
"It's ok, I'm awake and before you ask nobody saw me come in here."
"I wasn't going to ask because everybody was in Sam's cabin trying to come up with a plan to get you married to your ex-wife." There was a hint of bitterness in her tone.
"CJ?"
"It's okay Toby." She sighed as she stripped off her clothes and crawled under the blankets, lying with her body spooned to his so he couldn't see the emotions playing across her face. "I've told you a hundred times I understand but I'm only human, it was hard trying to come up with a plan to get the man you love married to another woman."
"I know – and I'm sorry to put you through this but……."
"I know." She sighed again. "I also know it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better." She turned to face Toby. "Toby I've been thinking about the whole situation – this administration won't survive another scandal and believe me if the press ever got wind of our situation it would be a scandal that would rival the MS. You need to convince Andi to marry you and you – god I don't want to have to say this – but when you do get married you need to live with her. To the outside world it needs to look like you and your ex-wife have reconciled."
"CJ," Toby began to argue with her.
"Toby look at the situation without your emotions and you know I'm right – I have to be seen as a supportive friend to both of you and nothing more."
"CJ, I can't live with Andi, we'd kill each other within a week." He turned to face her and stroked one hand gently down her cheek. "You are the only person I want to live with."
"Well we don't have to worry about it for the moment, which is good because she is pretty adamant that she doesn't want to marry you, she even asked me to get you to back off – are you that bad a husband?" She laughed at the look on his face.
"Well if you had said yes to any one of the two hundred proposals I have made since Rosslyn you would know wouldn't you." He teased her.
CJ was silent, lost in thought because if she had accepted any one of his proposals they wouldn't be sneaking into each others cabins and she wouldn't be spending her free time trying to come up with a way to get her best friend to marry Toby. Not one to dwell on the negative though, she conceded that if she had said yes she, Toby and Andi might not be looking forward to the two babies that would be coming into their lives in a few months.
Toby began to lightly stroke his hand over her hip. "CJ?"
"Hmmmm," she murmured contentedly.
We'll cross the living with Andi bridge if she agrees to marry me but she said something tonight…."
"What?" CJ turned her head slightly so she could see Toby's face
"She wants you at the birth, if fact her exact words were if it came down to a choice she would rather have you there than me." He smiled, he knew how much it would mean to CJ to be at the birth of the twins.
"I'm sure we can work something out – it's not unheard of to have a close friend at the birth and if she wants me there, press be damned, wild horses couldn't keep me away". CJ smiled contentedly as she fell asleep in Toby's arms.
(4/14)
Night of the Debate – Air Force 1
Andi sat there watching them – amazed no-one had guessed about their relationship. Maybe it was because she knew them so well but every time they looked at each other sparks just flew. They seemed to be able to communicate without speaking but then they always had been like that. That was why she kept turning Toby down – he and CJ belonged together, they had spent too long apart.
1988 New York
"You two are really sickening – you know that right?"
CJ just smiled and snuggled in closer to Toby as he wrapped his arms around her. "Yeah we know, but what are we going to do about it?"
"Well you could just get married, move to the 'burbs and raise a pack of little Zieglers, you know, like normal people." She grinned at her two friends.
"Well yes I suppose we could do that – what do you think CJ? Could you put up with me for the rest of your life?"
CJ sat upright. "What do I think? What do I think! I think if that was your best effort at proposing Mr Speechwriter then we are in serious trouble."
"Yeah, well we probably are, but you haven't answered my question."
"I don't recall you actually asking a question."
"CJ."
Andi sat there listening to them, thinking life would never be boring in their house. "Actually, she's right, technically you didn't ask her a question."
"Yeah, thanks for the back up there, Andi," Toby grumbled.
"Hey, I'm not taking sides here and, if you recall, it was actually my idea. I am merely pointing out that you didn't actually phrase it as a question."
"Thankyou counsellor – your check is in the mail." CJ laughed as she turned to face Toby. "Well?"
Toby got down on one knee in front of CJ. "CJ, I love you with all my heart and would be honoured if you would marry me," he turned to look at Andi who nodded, "and move to the 'burbs and raise a pack of little Zieglers?"
"Hmmmm well I might need to consult my attorney", CJ turned to look at Andi who was grinning from ear to ear. "How many are we talking when you refer to a pack? And in the interest of full disclosure, I come with this incredibly annoying best friend who thinks she has unlimited rights to stick her nose in my private life."
"Well, let's see. . . I firmly believe in the keeping women barefoot and pregnant theory and you're what, 28? I think you probably have at least fifteen good child bearing years left in you so…………"
Andi was barely able to hold in her laugh. "I think as CJ's attorney, I can safely say you might want to revise your stance on this particular subject. My client has spent 22 years in school - I doubt she is going to want to throw all that away to turn into your personal breeding machine."
"Damn straight!" CJ laughed as she took a sip of her wine.
"Well, I suppose I am negotiable on that point." Toby spoke directly to Andi. "If you would like to inform your client that I will be happy with whatever number of children she is comfortable with . . . and in regard to the annoying best friend, I am prepared to accept that she will be an important part of our life and really wouldn't want it any other way."
There was silence for a moment. Toby still looked at Andi, "Well?"
Andi looked at CJ, "Well?"
CJ looked thoughtful before addressing Andi, "this is the best deal you can get me?"
"I think you'd be mad to pass it up."
"Well in that case, Yes! Yes! Yes!" CJ was kissing Toby every time she gave him her answer.
Night of the Debate – Air Force 1
Andi glanced at them again. If they wanted to keep their secret, she had better get over there and run interference because they both had that 'we're completely oblivious to our surroundings' look on their faces.
"So you like the roundness of his head, CJ?" Andi asked as she approached them.
"Yeah! Who knew when we were in New York there was such a perfectly round head under all that hair." CJ laughed. She was still on a high from their debate win and the several glasses of champagne she had consumed since boarding made her feel very relaxed.
"You two really should watch out if you want to keep this relationship of yours a secret – you looked like you were about to jump each other a few minutes ago." CJ blushed. Andi knew her too well because that was exactly what she had wanted to do.
"CJ seems to think my proposals have lacked a certain amount of romance and that if I crank it up a bit I might get a more positive response," Toby said.
"Not likely". Andi turned to CJ. "Why are you encouraging him?"
"Because I think it will be better for everyone if you guys remarry."
"You can't truly mean that – how could it possibly be better for you to have Toby and me remarried?"
"Andi, this is bigger than me. We all have very public lives and it is my job to make sure what we do in our private life doesn't interfere with getting the job done."
"But at the expense of your own happiness?" Andi asked, concerned that CJ was once again sacrificing herself for what she believed was the greater good.
CJ sat there staring at Andi. She had no answer for that because encouraging Toby to marry Andi was sacrificing her own happiness.
(5/14)
"Hey Josh!"
"Hey CJ, watch out, he's turned into some kind of weird – I don't know – father person."
"Thanks for the heads up but I'll take my chances." CJ walked into Toby's office and shut the door behind her.
"Josh seems to think you have been possessed by some kind of father demon – I take it things went well this morning."
Toby ached to take her in his arms – he wanted to be able to hold her, to kiss her whenever he felt like it, to not have to worry about what people might think, not have to worry about damaging the administration. For the first time he began to have doubts about the wisdom of remarrying Andi.
Toby locked the door to his office and reached for CJ's hand pulling her onto the couch next to him. "Oh CJ, I wish you could have been there – to see their little hearts beating right there in front of us – it doesn't seem fair that you couldn't be part of it too."
"I know. I wish I could have been there – I really do, but all three of us going – it's bad enough Roll Call have got wind of the pregnancy – if all three of us had shown up for the sonogram…….." She sighed, wishing, not for the first time, their lives weren't this complicated, that she could openly share in this with Toby and Andi.
"I bought you a couple of presents though," Toby smiled at her, hoping he could cheer her up. He handed her a small black and white snapshot of the sonogram. "That is for you to keep." He was heartened by her smile as she looked in wonder at the grey masses in front of her. He rose and put a video in the machine, "and this is exactly what we saw this morning."
They sat there watching the two babies moving around inside of Andi, their little hearts beating, seeing the two rows of what looked like pearls that were their spines. "God Toby, this is………..this is amazing." She leaned over and kissed him. "I still can't believe you and Andi are letting me share in this."
Toby looked startled for a moment. "CJ, you are an important part of the twins lives – we are going to have joint custody of Beatrice and Bluto – you are going to be there when they are born – you are going to love them like they are your own." He stroked his hand gently down the side of her face, getting lost in the moment when there was a knock at the door.
Toby got up to open it while CJ turned the television off, planning to have another viewing of the tape when they got home tonight.
Ginger stuck her head around the corner to tell them they were needed in the mural room.
"So, has Andi agreed to marry you yet?" CJ asked lightly, knowing that Ginger would overhear her question as they walked through the bullpen.
"No and she won't even let me write a statement – jeez she is so damn stubborn, I don't know what I'll do if these kids are born with her stubborn streak!"
"Because they would never inherit such a character trait from their father." CJ laughed. "If I could make a suggestion here, you might want to pull back on the calling her stubborn and try romancing her a little – you know pull out some of that old Ziegler charm," CJ smiled at him knowingly. "I know I've said it already but it really would be better all around if we can announce a wedding……."
"I'm still working on it." Toby grumbled as they walked into the mural room and were immediately swallowed up by the election night revellers.
Later that Night
Toby climbed into bed and looked over at CJ who was wearing one of his Yankees t-shirts, her glasses perched on her nose, reading a briefing book. Toby though she had never looked sexier.
"I spoke to Andi earlier – she told me you two had quite the congratulatory kiss – should I be jealous?" She laughed as Toby's hands began to wander.
"Mmmmm I don't think so – purely for show." Toby answered as he slowly moved his hand over CJ's thigh.
"By the way – we have agreed that hell will be frozen over before we let you name these children Beatrice and Bluto."
"I'm not sure I like the way you two gang up on me," he smiled as he slipped his hand under the t-shirt, taking note of the lack of underwear.
"So how did it go telling the President and Mrs Bartlett?" She asked as she closed the folder, removed the glasses and lay down next to him.
"Good – better than I expected actually."
"I told you you had nothing to be nervous about. I bet Abby cried didn't she?"
"She wanted to – I think I may have caught them at a bad time." He said as he began to kiss the nape of CJ's neck. "I think the President wanted to cry for another reason," he laughed at the memory of the President telling him how close he had been to making love to his wife.
Toby's hand began to remove her Yankees t-shirt. "Toby – if you are going to make love to me could you please stop talking about the President and Mrs Bartlett's sex life?"
(6/14)
CJ slipped into one of the back pews – noticing that the front rows were empty and absently wondered why Catholics gravitated to the back of the church. She knew she should have been home in bed, she was exhausted but she had always gone to midnight mass at Christmas.
As she sat there her mind began to wander over everything that had happened in the last few weeks. Andi and Toby were having twins. Sam left. Danny came back. For the first time CJ really though about the implications of all these events and tears started to slip down her face.
She knew Andi and Toby were including her as much as they could but Andi was carrying them and Toby was their father – where did that leave her? And she couldn't lie, even to herself, in a place of God, she was jealous. Jealous that Andi was giving Toby something she couldn't, jealous that Andi was the one receiving Toby's proposals of marriage and jealous that Andi could show her affection for Toby.
Sam left them, it was the right thing to do, but he was still gone and she missed him. Danny came back and she wasn't sure what to make of that. Before he left, before Rosslyn there had been something, she wasn't sure what and had never allowed it to go beyond a kiss but when her kissed her today all she had thought was that she wished Toby could kiss her in public like this.
CJ snuck out the back of the church after communion, more confused than when she went in.
CJ crept into the house quietly, knowing Toby would be asleep. She didn't bother to turn the lights on, so she didn't notice the sleeping form on her couch.
CJ woke first the next morning and decided she would put the coffee on and let Toby sleep a bit longer before waking him to exchange gifts. She slipped, naked from the bed and walked into the living area. It was a few seconds before her bleary eyes registered that there was a man sitting on her couch staring at her.
It was even less time for Toby to come running into the living room, also naked, in response to CJ's scream. He ran into her, literally, in the hall as she tried to escape.
"my father slept on the couch." Toby told her quietly.
"You might want to have shared that piece of information BEFORE I walked into the living room completely naked!"
"I'm sorry it was a last minute thing and I knew you were going to church and would have your cell turned off."
"How the hell am I supposed to eat Christmas lunch across from your father today when his first impression of me …….." CJ just groaned not even wanting to complete the thought let alone the sentence.''
"CJ, I've seen you naked plenty of times," he grinned at her, "I'm sure you won't have any trouble sitting across the table from me." He tried to make light of the situation.
"I'm not even going to dignify that with a comment. I am going to have a shower and try and wash away the humiliation and you might want to go and explain why there is a naked woman walking out of your bedroom when your ex-wife is expecting twins!" She turned and left Toby standing there wondering how on earth he was going to explain this to his father.
New York 1989
'What do you mean you want to call of the engagement?" Toby sank to the bed hoping this was some kind of sick joke CJ was playing.
"I can't marry you Toby – I can't give you everything you need – I can't give you a family and you say that doesn't matter we both know it does. You were born to be a father and you deserve to have that chance." CJ was trying so hard not to cry but the tears were rolling down her cheeks anyway.
"We can adopt, they've been making some huge medical advances, CJ, we've already lost so much, I can't live without you!" He reached out to hold her, needing to have physical contact.
"Toby I have made up my mind – please don't make this harder for me?" She begged.
"Heaven forbid that I should make this hard!" He yelled. "You are ripping my heart out and you want me to make it easy for you? I love YOU CJ not your ability to have babies – I want to be married to you!"
"I have to go. I need to tell Andi and then I am going to LA – I've got a job out there – I think we should make a clean break so please don't call." Her eyes were pleading with him. This was the hardest thing she had ever had to do but she knew in the end it would be the right thing. If she married Toby she knew he would end up resenting the fact that she couldn't have children.
Christmas Day – Toby and CJ's
Toby sat on their bed remembering the day CJ had left him, remembering the pain he felt. The fact that CJ could no longer have kids was never an issue for him, he loved her with all his heart but he knew it was an issue for her and he knew that nothing he said or did would change her mind.
He snapped out of his self destructive trip down memory lane and wondered how he was going to explain their situation to his father.
Julie took the news quite well considering how complicated the situation was – he even hugged CJ when she managed to summon enough courage to come back into the room.
After breakfast the three of them loaded up the car with presents and headed over to Andi's where they enjoyed a very traditional and festive lunch.
"Time for presents I think," Andi said as she manoeuvred herself from behind the table.
"Yay! Presents!" CJ squealed sounding like a five year old.
"CJ, your 42 years old – you really should be over this whole getting excited about Christmas presents thing." Toby smiled at her indulgently.
"You can never be too old for Christmas presents – and I for one am nominating myself as chief Christmas educator for the twins!"
"Well as I'm Jewish and Andi isn't really anything I guess by default you get to educate them in the wonders of Christmas," he laughed.
Later that night, as they got ready for bed, CJ handed Toby a box. "I know we already did presents but I wanted to give you this one in private."
Toby undid the wrapping and removed a solid gold band. "I don't know what to say?"
"You don't have to say anything, you don't even have to wear it," CJ said uncertainly. "If you and Andi get married you'll have to wear a ring and I want it to be mine – no-one but the three of us will know but I love you if there is a wedding ring on your finger I want it to be mine," she said far more forcefully than she intended.
"Great minds think alike," Toby said as he removed a small box from the dresser. CJ unwrapped the box carefully and removed a circlet of tiny diamonds. "I know you can't wear it on you engagement finger but I want you to know that you are the woman I love and you are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. We may not be married legally but know that in my heart you will always be my wife."
CJ leaned forward and kissed him. "I wish things could be different." She sighed as she wrapped her arms around him.
7/14
"CJ."
"Mrs Bartlett" CJ said as she stood to greet the First Lady.
"Grab your coat – we're going shopping," the First Lady instructed.
"Excuse me, ma'am?"
"I told my husband I was taking you to lunch and then an afternoon of shopping – my way of saying thanks for everything you did for the campaign."
"That's very sweet, ma'am but it was a team effort." CJ told her, not quite sure what to make of Abbey's appearance in her doorway.
"I know it was a team effort but I don't want to have lunch and shop with anyone else – besides I have a small favour to ask."
Ah, thought CJ, an ulterior motive.
"CJ, I don't have to get Jed down here to make it an order do I?"
CJ knew that's exactly what Abbey would do too. "No ma'am."
Less than half an hour later they were seated in a small Georgetown bistro, sipping wine and chatting.
"So . . . how are you coping with Andi's pregnancy?" The First Lady asked, wanting to dispense with the idle gossip and get straight to the heart of things.
"Coping?" CJ spluttered, not liking the turn the conversation had taken.
'Yes, CJ. I want to know how you are coping with the fact that the man you love and his ex-wife are having twins, and from all that I've heard, he is planning to re marry her. I want to know how you are dealing with all that."
CJ sat there looking at the First Lady, wondering how much she actually knew and how much was an educated guess, but the thought of being able to confide in someone was too tempting. Abbey would keep her secret, she would never do anything to betray her husband's administration. CJ wasn't one to discuss emotions but she needed to let someone in, this situation had become harder to deal with than she had ever imagined.
"The answer to you question is – not well."
"Well, that didn't take as long as I thought – I expected to have to drag it out of you." Abbey took a sip of her wine and relaxed back into her chair. "So, talk".
"How much do you know about Toby and me?" CJ asked.
"Not much really. I know you two have some kind of past and I know that since Rosslyn you have been very close. If I was a betting woman, which by the way I am, I would say that you and Toby are very much in love."
"Yeah, we are. I've been in love with Toby for over fifteen years." Abbey looked at her, shock written all over her face. CJ laughed, it wasn't often you could shock the First Lady. "We….. since Rosslyn we……….that is …………Toby and I……………."
"Spit it out girl!" Abbey demanded, wanting to hear exactly what CJ and Toby's relationship was.
"We have been living together for the last three years." CJ finally got out.
The First Lady was shocked into silence – for a split second. "Okay, I am ordering another bottle and you are going to tell me all about this relationship you have with Toby Ziegler."
CJ took a deep breath. "I really don't know where to start…."
New York 1988
"Hey there, Papa bear – I'm just going out for some milk." CJ dropped a kiss on Toby's forehead and grabbed her keys.
"And chocolate?" He asked, knowing exactly what the answer would be.
"And maybe some chocolate," she grinned, "I can't help it if this child is a chocoholic!" CJ laughed as she rubbed her hand over her still flat stomach.
"CJ, you realise you are only seven weeks pregnant – you might want to pace yourself." He laughed as she poked her tongue out at him.
CJ had never been so happy – she was having Toby's baby. Discovering she was pregnant two weeks ago had come as a shock but she would never forget the look of pure joy on Toby's face when she told him about the baby.
It certainly hadn't been planned and she had been nervous about telling him, but he had been so excited and had wanted to get married immediately. She had wanted to wait until after the baby, so they could throw a big party to celebrate and, reluctantly, Toby had agreed.
As she got to the corner store, CJ wondered what she had done in the last day or so to be causing the pain in her side.
Four hours and an ambulance ride through busy New York traffic later, Toby sat beside her in the hospital as she listened to all her dreams being torn apart.
Georgetown Bistro
"It was an ectopic pregnancy and when they operated, the damage was so bad that they had to remove the fallopian tube. Then they discovered the other one was damaged too – I'd already lost his baby, I couldn't rob him of all chance of becoming a father. So I left him." CJ told Abbey, as a tear slipped from her eye at the memory. Her baby was something she tried not to think about, but as Andi's pregnancy progressed it was becoming harder and harder.
Abbey leaned across the table and squeezed CJ's hand encouraging her to continue.
"I left. He married my best friend and I was happy for them, I really was, but you want to hear the ironic thing – Andi couldn't get pregnant, they spent years going from one fertility treatment to another and, just when we have moved on with our lives, Andi gets a call from the fertility clinic to ask what they want to do with the eggs they still had stored. We discussed it very civilly and decided they should be implanted. It seemed like such a good idea at the time – but now – now I have to listen to him propose to her and I have to watch as her stomach gets bigger, knowing his children are in there and I hate it. I hate it!" She sobbed.
Abbey moved around the booth and held CJ as she cried. Cried for the baby, she had lost, the man she had lost and the life she had lost.
Once she regained her composure, CJ was embarrassed by her tears. "You really shouldn't let me drink during the day, you never know what I'm likely to say and do," she laughed at herself.
"CJ, you have every right to be upset – it's a terrible situation to be in."
"No – not terrible – more unique. I know I've sounded like I'm miserable and part of me is – I won't deny that - to you anyway," she smiled at the older woman, "but no matter what, I am going to be part of these children's lives and I am excited about that. I guess the problem is I just don't know what part I'm going to have," she sighed.
"Well you know if it all gets too much, you can come and talk to me any time you want – you're not alone, okay." Abbey smiled reassuringly.
"I appreciate that, thankyou."
"If you really want to show your appreciation you can do me a little favour . . . "
CJ waited expectantly for the catch.
"I need you to set up a photo op for my husband – with a goat……" Abbey smiled mischievously.
8/14
Toby knew everything was not fine in Dayton. CJ had been quiet and withdrawn ever since her return early that morning. At first he thought it was something he had done but rather than confronting him – which was CJ's normal style, it was almost like she was avoiding him.
She had spent most of the day briefing the press about the embassy bombing but the few times they had managed to be in the same place at the same time she hadn't even made eye contact with him.
"You want to talk about whatever happened in Dayton that is making you so miserable?" Toby asked as he handed her a glass of wine that evening.
CJ looked at him. She knew she had to tell him the truth but her emotions were so jumbled at the moment that she wasn't sure where to begin.
"I did something really stupid," she whispered almost inaudibly. "Something really, really stupid." CJ turned to face him for the first time and he could see the tear as it slipped down her cheek.
Toby's stomach began to knot up. CJ was the most together person he knew and if she was telling him she had done something and it was making her cry, instinctively he knew he wasn't going to like what she had to tell him.
"I told you everything was fine and it's not. In fact everything is about as far from fine as it can be," she told him honestly.
Toby moved closer to her and held her hand.
"Dad isn't good and he's only going to get worse, my brothers couldn't care less and I don't know how long I can count on Molly to stay around! Toby he…….there was a photo………..he ……….of me as a little girl………..he didn't know me!" CJ sobbed openly into Toby's shoulder.
She sat there crying, taking what comfort she could because she knew what she had to tell him next would kill their relationship.
CJ looked him in the eye. "I ran into an old high school friend."
"CJ, that's hardly surprising, you were there for a high school reunion." He wasn't sure if he was trying to lighten the mood or delay what she was going to tell him.
"Toby, I was an emotional mess. My dad has Alzheimer's – he's getting worse and I'm not coping with this situation with Andi," she admitted for the first time. "I hate having to watch you propose to her, I hate knowing that she is the mother of your children and I'm not and will never be, and . . . and most of all, I hate not being able to tell you and show you how much I love you whenever I want!" CJ got up and began to pace. "I slept with him," she whispered as she knelt down in front of Toby who looked like he had been dealt a body blow.
"It didn't mean anything, and you have no idea how much I regret it – I would never do anything to hurt you but I needed…….I needed to feel…………to know that my world wasn't coming apart at the seams……….what I needed was you." She reached out to stroke his face but he withdrew from her touch. "I love you Toby and it will never happen again………I need to know if you can forgive me?" She made a futile attempt to brush away her tears.
"I….I….I….I don't know what to say. I need to get out of here……I need to be away from you at the moment." As if on autopilot, he moved to the door and walked out without once looking at the woman crying on the floor.
Toby walked aimlessly through the streets. He didn't even want a drink, he didn't need alcohol to numb him – CJ telling him she had slept with another man had successfully done that. He looked up and realised he had walked to Andi's.
"This better be good Ziegler!" Andi growled as she opened the front door. The minute she saw the devastated look on Toby's face she regretted the way she had spoken to him. "Come on in," she said more softly.
They sat opposite each other in silence for about fifteen minutes.
"She slept with an old boyfriend……in Dayton……Things weren't good with her dad and she's having trouble dealing with our situation. She said it didn't mean anything and I believe her, but………." Toby rested his head in his hands.
Andi looked at Toby. "Let me tell you a story."
New York 1987
"So have you…..you know?" Andi asked giggling. The two women had just polished off their second bottle of wine and both were feeling very relaxed.
"That would be kissing and telling," CJ laughed.
"CJ, you can't come in here and tell me he's 'the one' and then not spill the details!"
"Okay, okay," CJ sighed and took another sip of her wine. "Remember when we were at college and I told you I had sex with Brad McMillan?"
"Yeah and I'm still grossed out by that visual! My therapist had a field day with that one!"
"Andi - you have never been to a therapist in your life – don't exaggerate!" both women laughed.
"Okay, yes I remember when you felt the need to tell me you had sex with Brad McMillan, but what the hell does that have to do with Toby Ziegler being 'the one'?"
"I didn't have sex with Toby," Andi looked up, shocked, "we made love." CJ took another sip of the wine. This was something she had been coming to terms with ever since she and Toby spent the weekend in bed. "I never knew the difference before – it's not semantics – I love Toby and together we make love…….it's not just a physical release…………I don't know…………it's more……..more everything, I feel it with my heart and my emotions as well as my body."
Andi sat there looking at her friend. CJ had always enjoyed men but she had never heard her talk about her heart or emotions and never heard her talk about having made love to a man. Toby Ziegler was obviously someone very special.
"That all sounds really dumb when I say it out loud." CJ laughed at herself knowing in her heart that what she had just told Andi was true – she loved Toby Ziegler.
Andi's Apartment
Andi rubbed her enlarged stomach. "We both know that what CJ did was a really stupid thing to do and CJ probably knows it better than anyone. But when she said it didn't mean anything – she is telling the truth. It doesn't mean she loves you any less. What you need to decide is if you can move past it." Andi yawned.
"I'm sorry I woke you – go back to bed, I'll let myself out." Toby stood and helped Andi to her feet. He leaned forward and lightly kissed her cheek. "Thank you for telling me that."
Toby let himself back into their house three hours later. He had spent that time wandering through Washington, thinking about his relationship with CJ and his relationship with Andi – he still didn't have any answers but he knew he wasn't going to let CJ go again.
He slipped into bed beside the woman he loved and she instinctively turned to him. Toby took her in his arms and stroked her hair. "It's okay, it's okay," he soothed her as she sobbed.
(9/14)
Inaugural Ball
"You look incredible."
"Why thankyou kind sir, you don't look too bad yourself." CJ smiled wishing she could kiss him, but for the moment she would have to be content with being held in his arms on the dance floor. "The speech was really wonderful Toby – and I'd like to thank you for making me read every draft you bought home!" CJ laughed. "I hear you and the boys had an interesting evening," she smirked.
"Yeah great," Toby grumbled. "It's always a treat spending time with your ex-boyfriend."
"Danny was never my boyfriend, you know that right?" She pulled back slightly so she could look him in the eye.
"Not through lack of trying. If you gave him the slightest indication…….."
"Toby, you said you trusted me." CJ thought back to the night she came home from Dayton. They'd had a rocky couple of weeks but they seemed to have moved passed it and it made CJ realise how much they really did love each other. "I don't feel anything for Danny except friendship. I love you," she whispered.
"I love you too." Toby whispered in her ear as he lightly kissed her cheek.
Neither of them saw the red headed man standing a few feet away from them. A man whose job it was to notice everything and what he just witnessed was two people who were very much in love. Danny mentally filed the information away for a time when he could talk to CJ in private.
It was two days before Danny had a chance to talk to CJ. He sat, reading the paper, on the couch in her office waiting for her to return from a meeting.
"Don't you have a job to do?" CJ asked as she breezed into her office.
"Nope, story is filed and I seem to be at a loose end so I thought I'd come for a chat."
"A chat?" CJ mocked in a put-on voice.
Danny got up and closed the door and took one of the seats opposite her. CJ looked at him sensing he wanted to discuss something serious.
"So – I know why I never stood a chance with you," he began.
"Danny….." CJ didn't want to have this conversation.
"I saw you and Toby on the dance floor at the Inauguration."
"Toby and I always dance at these things – you saw what you would have seen at any Ball or State Dinner since we took office." CJ tried to cover.
"See that's where you're wrong – I've seen you and Toby dancing together before and this was different. What I saw wasn't colleagues dancing, it was lovers dancing." CJ didn't know how to react but the colour rising in her cheeks told Danny everything he needed to know.
"Danny…" CJ started but she didn't know what to tell him.
"CJ, don't worry, I'm here as Danny your friend, not Danny the reporter. This is not a story – not to me anyway – although I couldn't vouch for the National Enquirer," he laughed.
"Ok, so now you know – yes Toby is the reason things never went any further with you – well one of the reasons," she smiled. "And yes, I love him."
"CJ, I don't want to see you get hurt – I mean you have to know about Congresswoman Wyatt and it's no secret that Toby has proposed to her – what the hell is going on?"
"This is really between Toby, Andi and me and the situation is well…..complicated…..but I'm a big girl and we are all dealing with it the best way we can". CJ silently added 'I hope'.
Danny stood, knowing she had confided as much as she would and walked to her side of the desk and bent to give her a soft kiss on the cheek. "Be happy CJ".
After Danny left CJ sat there thinking about what he had said, 'be happy'. Was she happy? Part of her was – Toby made her happy. Her work was stressful and she was worried about her dad but knowing she could go home to Toby – that made her happy. She had no idea how long she sat there smiling to herself.
"What's got you smiling like a Cheshire cat?" Toby asked from her doorway.
"You." She replied simply, not really caring who heard.
(10/14)
CJ was packing the largest suitcase she could find, clothes were strewn all over the bedroom and Toby sat on their bed watching her.
"You know we're only going to be in California for a couple of days right ? It's not like we're moving there permanently," he mocked.
"Toby, last time we were in California I got to wear my brand new, DKNY suit for a grand total of forty one minutes – by my calculations I need at least thirty eight outfits for this trip!"
"CJ, get over the suit – it didn't even look that great on you." The minute the words left his mouth he knew it was the wrong thing to say and by the look on CJ's face he was going to pay dearly for it.
"Didn't look that great on me," she repeated slowly as she looked him in the eye. She knew he knew it was the wrong thing to say but that wasn't going to stop her having a little fun with him. "In future, you can come shopping with me and help me pick out my clothes – and we both know how much you love clothes shopping. And seeing as you seem to have such a strong opinion, you can pay too – and guess what? I'm sensing a big shopping trip in my future!" She turned and continued packing her bag.
Air Force 1
"Can I get you anything – a drink, something to eat?" CJ asked her friend as they sat on Air Force 1. They were alone and she was looking forward to spending time with Andi – everything else aside they were good friends and CJ felt like she had been losing that for the last few months.
"No, I'm fine." Andi said as she moved uncomfortably in the seat, "Just grateful I don't have to fly cattle class." They both laughed. "So did you tell him I was coming?"
"Are you crazy? He is going to go ballistic when he finds out you're on this trip – you think I want that directed at me? Oh no, my friend, you can tell him yourself." CJ laughed at the look on Andi's face.
Andi rubbed her stomach and moved slightly in the seat.
"Are they moving around in there?" CJ asked hesitantly. She had been torn ever since Toby had come home to tell her he had felt the babies move. Part of her wanted to feel it too, but part of her thought it might bring up too many memories and emotions she didn't want to have to deal with.
"They never stop." Andi sighed. "You haven't felt them yet – do you want to?" Andi asked her, searching her eyes to try and work out what CJ was feeling.
"I don't know – part of me wants to more than anything – I think they'll seem more real to me but the other part doesn't know if I can deal with it."
"That's honest, but CJ they are yours too." Andi reached for CJ's hand and gently rested it on her stomach. CJ immediately felt the twins somersaulting inside Andi and she sat there amazed that she had denied herself such an incredible experience.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"Well, I guess I should go and face the music – how bad can it be right? I mean we're halfway there, it's not like he can have the plane turned around." Andi groaned as she looked at the amused expression on CJ's face.
Andi rose awkwardly. "Oh Andi, I should warn you he's probably not in a very good mood – I made him carry my suitcase, and I may have over-packed slightly." CJ grinned.
"Great." Andi groaned as she left to confront her ex-husband.
Andi returned ten minutes later and fell inelegantly into the seat across from CJ. "You may need to get out there. That idiot man of yours just called this thing a 'flying death tube' – I think everyone is about ready to stampede. And while you're out there, you can tell him that if he ever refers to me as a mini van again, you and I will have custody of these kids and he'll be lucky to get an invitation to their first birthday!"
"Seriously, he called you a minivan?" CJ laughed.
"Yes and there is no need for you to laugh, beanpole." Andi smiled, using the name she had teased CJ with in college.
"Wow, I can't believe he was that dumb twice in one day! Let me tell you about a little shopping trip I have planned – I think you should join us."
(11/14)
"How could you? I mean, HOW COULD YOU?" CJ paced the hotel room.
"CJ…"
"Don't you 'CJ' me – do you have any idea how pissed I am at you?"
"I'm getting the idea," Toby mumbled.
"Do you know what I have given up to make sure this administration isn't exposed to any kind of scandal about Andi's pregnancy? With one STUPID move you have managed to get it in every newspaper and TV broadcast in the country!"
"CJ, I'm sorry I ended up in jail – but what did you expect me to do?"
"I expected you to show a little sense – the White House Communications Director decking someone is not the kind of press we need and it's not the kind of press Sam needs.. . ." She continued ranting at him.
"Technically I didn't 'deck' anybody – Charlie did. Would you rather I didn't defend her?" Toby knew getting defensive was not going to help the situation, but he couldn't seem to stop himself.
"Well, gee Toby, I don't know. I managed to try and defend her without throwing any punches." She stopped talking and just looked at him. "You don't get it do you?" She asked her, voice quieter, almost vulnerable. "I am being eaten away inside doing everything I can to make this work so we can protect the President and Andi, and in one evening you and Charlie manage to make us a laughing stock."
"CJ," Toby whispered as he moved to take her in his arms, "I'm so sorry. I know how hard this is for you and I know what I did tonight just made it that much harder." He wrapped his arms around her, then gently traced her cheek with his fingers. "Let's forget about everything tonight - Andi, the twins, the President – it's just us."
CJ sighed and melted into him. "Okay. But as punishment you are going to have to stand on that beach tomorrow and not complain about it."
"CJ, I have loved you from the moment we met, you know I will do anything for you but I am begging you, don't make me go to the beach."
New York 1987
"Oh my God! I am so sorry – I'm such a klutz! Here let me help you. . …" The tall woman was obviously embarrassed.
"It's fine, don't worry about it – it was only a really bad speech for a really bad congressional candidate." Toby smiled at her. She was beautiful; she had the most expressive eyes he had ever seen.
He hadn't stood a chance when the tall woman had come bounding out of the lift and run straight into him.
"I'd love to be able to tell you that I'm not usually this clumsy – but I'd be lying." She laughed at herself. Toby was in awe of her. In less than a minute he knew she was self-confident without being egotistical - she was obviously intelligent and beautiful.
"It's okay, really." Toby wanted to talk to her, he wanted to get to know her but she was collecting her things and getting ready to walk out of his life forever. "Would you…..I was wondering? ……I mean………..if you like……….." Great first impression, he thought to himself – she's got me so wound up I can't even string a sentence together. "Can I buy you a coffee?" He finally got out.
CJ looked at him and tilted her head slightly to the side as if considering his offer. "I don't usually let strange men buy me coffee – actually that's a lie too – I don't have a job yet – I'd let Jack the Ripper buy me a coffee." She laughed as she held out her hand. "CJ Cregg."
Toby took her hand in his. "Toby Ziegler," he told her as they shook hands.
Toby lead her out the door and down the street to a coffee shop "So tell me, what does CJ stand for?"
"Ah, for that kind of information you are going to have to buy me cake too." She laughed again.
Half an hour in this woman's company and Toby felt lighter, happier; she made him want to smile. He felt like he needed to be around her all the time; that she would make him a better person.
By the time they had finished coffee and cake they had a date for that night and Toby went back to his office to write a great speech for the bad congressional candidate.
California
"Why didn't you tell me to wear a hat?"
"Toby, I did tell you to wear a hat – at least five times." CJ was exasperated. Toby had done nothing but complain about the sand in his shoes and his sunburnt head all night.
"I hate California." He grumbled.
"I know you do, but as you are stuck here you may as well use your time constructively, run Sam's campaign and shut up about the bloody sand and sun!"
Toby looked at her and realised he needed to steer this conversation in a different direction. "Did I tell you you looked really hot tonight?" He whispered seductively in her ear. "And when you sing to me I get really turned on?"
"No I don't believe you told me any of that." CJ gasped as he began to kiss her throat and nibble at her ear.
"That dress is fabulous." He smiled at the effect he was having on her. "Mind if I rip it off you?"
(12/14)
Poker Night
They were hurried out of the briefing room by the secret service. The minute they had cleared the room, Toby turned and pulled CJ into a strong embrace, running his hands through her hair, unable to stop himself from kissing her. He needed to reassure himself she was alright.
They were both oblivious to Will, who was standing there, unsure where to look and wondering what the hell was going on.
Once he was able to pull away from her, Toby cupped her face in his hands, staring into her eyes to make sure she really was okay. "CJ." He was running his hands all over her, as is to make sure she was really alive and standing in his arms.
"Toby, I'm okay - it's okay." The sound of her voice visibly soothed him. She stroked his face, "It's not Rosslyn – it's okay."
May 2000
"That press briefing……it was amazing…….you were amazing." Toby said as he stood in the doorway of CJ's office. As she raised her eyes to look at him, he thought he had never seen anyone looking so lost, so desolate. Even after she lost the baby, she still had some inner strength that helped her deal with it, but tonight she just looked broken.
CJ was moving her mouth, trying to say something but the words seemed to get stuck in her throat. Toby moved inside the office and locked the door. He walked to CJ and wrapped her in his arms as she began to sob. After a few minutes, he moved them to the couch and the crying began to subside.
"CJ, I know you were scared but it's okay – you're okay and Josh is going to be fine."
CJ looked up at him and he could see her pulling herself together.
"Toby,………it's you," she whispered.
"It's me, what?" He asked, not sure of what she was talking about.
"You are the reason I'm crying like a little baby." She laughed self deprecatingly. "When I heard someone had been shot, my immediate thought was of you – and the thought of you being hurt made me physically sick. The thought of not seeing you, not having you in my life – well, it made me realise something."
"What?" He asked, hoping it was the same thing he'd thought when he didn't know whether CJ was safe.
"Toby, I love you. I never stopped loving you." The tears began to roll down her face. "You don't have to say anything – I just needed to tell you." CJ tried to stand, indicating the moment of vulnerability had passed but she felt Toby's hand pulling her to sit again.
"I love you too," he whispered as he leaned in to kiss her.
Poker Night
"You want to explain what I saw outside the briefing room?" Will asked as they waited for the others to arrive to continue the poker game.
"Not really – no." Toby mumbled. He was still cursing himself for being so stupid, but the thought that CJ might have been hurt had overwhelmed him and at that moment he hadn't cared who saw how much he loved her.
"So, I should ask CJ then?"
"No." Toby sighed knowing he owed Will an explanation. "I'm giving you the Readers Digest version and I don't want you to comment and I don't want you to think the fact that I have confided in you means I like you or anything." Toby said gruffly.
Will knew better than to take offence at anything Toby said, and nodded.
"CJ and I go back a long way. In fact we were once engaged." Toby paused and then continued, "Things happened that I don't want to talk about and we broke up. I married her best friend and now CJ and I are back together and Andi is having twins. I wanted Andi to marry me so I could protect her and the President and my children from and negative publicity and CJ agreed with me."
"She did?" Will asked in amazement.
"She's a special woman." Toby grinned as he unwrapped a lollipop and stuck it in his mouth.
Will looked at him, not daring to ask why Toby was sucking on a lollipop instead of a cigar and then it came to him. "Which one of them made you give up?"
Toby sighed. "They both did."
Early Morning CJ and Toby's
CJ crept into the house quietly and began to undress.
"I'm awake," she heard Toby call from their bedroom.
"I thought you were coming home to sleep?"
"I was, but the bed felt empty without you." He grinned at her. "Did you let everyone know the crash had been lifted?"
"Yep."
"So, Suzy Cream cheese, I saved your butt twice tonight; if I hadn't covered for you I'm sure there would have been plenty of questions about why you have so much faith in us"
CJ grinned at him, "You may have saved my butt, my friend, but I'll lay odds you had a lot of explaining to do to Will after that kiss you planted on me."
"Well, yeah, let's just say he knows about us," Toby mumbled as CJ climbed into bed next to him.
"So, how did the house hunting go today?"
"Good actually – I found exactly what we need, I'll tell you about them tomorrow."
"Will Andi like it?"
"Yeah I think so – aren't you more interested in the one I found for us?"
"Toby as long as you are there, I really don't care where I live."
"CJ?"
"Hmmm?"
"I'm glad you have faith in us."
13/14
Toby and Andi sat in the car in silence. Her waters had broken back at the house but after everything that had been said, all they had between them now was uncomfortable silence.
"I didn't tell CJ I bought the house." Toby confessed eventually.
Andi turned to stare at him, amazed he had kept something this important from CJ. "Why?"
"To be honest, the reason seems pretty silly right now."
"Tell me anyway," Andi said softly.
"I wanted to be able to do this for you. I didn't want CJ's money and I didn't want it to come between us." He sighed. "But it has – she found out about it this morning."
"She's pissed?"
"Let's just say I'm not looking forward to going home tonight." He waited before asking, "any contractions yet?"
"No." Andi paused. "That's what you meant about selling your soul – you didn't tell her you planned to spend nearly all your money on a house . . . for me……." Andi trailed off.
"Like I said, when I say it out loud now it sounds really dumb."
"Toby?" He turned to look at her briefly. "I'm sorry. What I said back at the house – it came out all wrong. I think what I was trying to say is that I make you sad. I'm not the person you want to be married to. If we did get married that would make you sad and I don't want the kids to grow up with that." Andi felt she had explained it better that time, but it didn't ease the ache in her heart for hurting Toby so badly.
"Did my friends think I was sad?" He asked her again and she could hear the vulnerability in his voice.
"You mean CJ?" She asked, not realising until that moment how badly she had hurt him.
"Yeah"
"Toby, CJ loves you. She always has loved you. She makes you happy. With her you are a different person and that's the person the twins need for a father, so stop trying to get me to marry you because you think it's what's best for the babies. What is best for the babies is for their father to be happy. CJ is the one that makes you happy." As she finished speaking Andi felt the first twinge of pain. "You really should have told her about the house."
"I bought her one too." He said quietly.
White House
"So I had an interesting lunch with Danny Concannon today." Josh said as he stood in the doorway of CJ's office.
"Hmm?" Was all CJ managed to answer. She was trying to deal with the Danny/Shareef story while being so monumentally pissed at Toby. She saw red every time she thought him and the fact that he had gone ahead and bought a house without even consulting her.
"So anyway," Josh continued, "Danny made a comment about how the reason he was no longer chasing you was because you were off the market - and believe it or not I have actually noticed the looks between you and Toby – so what gives, Claudia Jean?"
"First off, I really resent the 'off the market' comment, but I will let it pass for the moment. And as for Toby Ziegler, he is the last person I want to talk about – so if you could take your speculating, and you know – go somewhere else I would really appreciate it." CJ sighed. Josh walked right into the office, shut the door and sat opposite her.
"You jealous of Toby and Andi?" He asked directly.
CJ's head snapped up. "No!…What?….No! I am not jealous of him and Andi." CJ looked him squarely in the eye and decided to tell him the truth. Will knew - it was only fair they let Josh in on their secret too. "At least not the way you think."
CJ spent the next fifteen minutes filling Josh in on her and Toby's relationship, ending with the fact that the first CJ had heard about Toby buying a house, was when Josh had told her this morning.
"Boy, did he screw up." Was Josh's useful reply.
"Yeah – as you can imagine, he is not my favourite person at the moment, so it's probably best that he's not around."
Toby and Andi had arrived at the hospital and been admitted quickly. The doctor had just left after dropping the bombshell that the first baby would be born within fifteen minutes. Toby's heart leapt at the thought – in fifteen minutes he would be a father, his life was never going to be the same again.
Toby walked to the waiting room to call CJ; he knew he'd screwed up with the house and he wanted nothing more than to make things right with her. Her phone went straight to voice mail and he left a message telling her his cell was turned off, but to page him as soon as she got his message. He paused a moment before he told her he loved her.
With a heavy heart, Toby walked back into Andi's room and sat there quietly while the doctor examined her.
"I know I hurt you back at the house. I can't believe you bought that house…I can't …" Andi began to cry. She had hurt Toby so badly and she had never wanted to do that, and now CJ was going to miss the birth. It was all just too much.
Another contraction hit and Toby watched as she tried to breathe through it. What she had said that morning had hurt him, but he did love her. He always had, the same way he had always been IN love with CJ. Andi knew that, and with sudden realisation, he knew he had hurt Andi far more than she had hurt him. She was the mother of his children and he would always love her for that, but she was right, CJ was the woman who made him want to smile, and his kids deserved a father who wanted to smile all the time.
Toby wrapped a hand towel around his hand. "Bite my hand when it hurts."
"Thanks." Andi gasped through another contraction. "I wanted CJ to be here for this."
"I know, I know, but it looks like it's going to be just you and me – besides you probably don't want us in the same room at the moment."
"Don't worry Pokey, once you tell her about the babies and the other house, all will be forgiven – she loves you." Another contraction hit and Toby thought they seemed to be getting stronger and closer together. "So where is the house you bought her?"
"Behind yours," he confessed. "I figured that way the kids could grow up with all their parents."
Andi breathed through another contraction. "Toby you don't WANT to marry me anymore than I want to marry you, do you?"
Toby looked at this beautiful woman who was about to present him with the most precious gift, and knew he owed her nothing more than total honesty. "No – I was afraid…….I was afraid if I wasn't married to my kids' mother that I might…….I don't know……..I was afraid that they would think I'd failed them………….and afraid that maybe if I wasn't there all the time…. that I might not be able to love them enough."
"Toby, you are going to be a wonderful father – you don't need to be married to me to be that." She smiled at him.
"Okay folks," the doctor said as he came back into the room, "let's get you down to delivery."
Toby sat there cradling his newborn son, while gazing at his baby daughter nestled in her mother's arms.
"I guess we should give them names?" Toby suggested.
"I'd like to call the boy Huckleberry," Andi said, "after my grandfather."
"Your grandfather was called Huckleberry?"
"Yes." Andi said defensively.
"Well, now I know why everyone always called him Finn – far less likely to get beaten up at school."
"Toby, you just watched me push these two kids out of my body……"
"Right, Huck it is." Toby reached over to brush his baby daughter's head with his finger. Before he could suggest a name for her his pager went off and as he read the message his face paled.
"Toby, what is it?" Andi asked, concerned by the look on his face.
"It's Zoey – she's been kidnapped….I…..I….I….have to go…..I'm sorry…..I have to get there………Andi….."
"Shhh, Toby. It's okay - I understand – tell the Bartletts I'm thinking of them."
14/14
It had been over an hour since Toby had returned to the White House. He had expected CJ to come to his office as soon as he'd told them about the babies. He knew she understood why he had to tell them together, he couldn't have gotten through telling CJ and then the rest of the staff; they had a job to do and they needed to keep their heads in the game. The minute she put her hand over her heart he knew she understood. He had never felt such overwhelming emotions in his life and he wasn't sure how to deal with them.
"Hey." A soft voice said from the doorway.
"Hey." Toby looked up at the woman he loved.
"Can you talk about it yet?" She asked.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want you to find out with the others, I just…..I…..I couldn't have got through it twice."
"I know. Toby, it's okay, I understand." CJ closed the door behind her and moved into Toby's arms. "I was so angry at you before and it all seems so petty now – I think Josh thought I was going to flatten you earlier," she smiled as she rested her head on his shoulder.
"You had a right to be pissed – I should have told you about the house."
"Yeah, but it doesn't matter now – I can't believe they are here."
"We tried to call you, but it went to voicemail."
"With everything that has been going on here today, I've hardly even been in my office. It's okay - she had you there with her."
"But I think she would have preferred you." Toby laughed ruefully.
"What's the girl's name?" CJ asked before Toby could beat himself up further by thinking he was a failure.
"We didn't get to that – I got paged as we were arguing about Huck."
"Don't like it, huh?" She laughed.
"Let's just say I'm already planning self defence lessons for him."
"I like Molly. It just seems right that we do something to honour her tonight. I don't know…if you and Andi don't like it, maybe you could use it as a middle name?" She asked hopefully.
Toby tightened his embrace on this amazing woman. "I think Molly is perfect." He would wait until they were all together before he told her of the middle names he and Andi had picked out months ago.
"I wish I could see them." CJ sighed.
"I know you do but…….."
"It's okay, Toby. The twins are going to be around for a very long time, we need to focus on getting Zoey back."
"Actually, as you seem to have everything here under control, I wanted to duck back to the hospital to see if Andi needed anything. It all happened so fast, she hasn't even got a bag with her. I just need to see Leo on my way out."
CJ smiled. "Give her my love and tell her I'll be there as soon as I can."
"I will." Toby paused before he spoke again. "You know I love you, right?"
"Yeah I do. Now go and give Huck and Molly a kiss from me."
Andi's Hospital room
Toby slipped into the room quietly in case Andi was asleep. She turned as soon as she heard the door.
"Have they found her yet?" She asked anxiously.
"Not yet. CJ has got all the media working with us to try and get her back. That's why she's not here……she wanted to…..but …….well with everything going on she needs to…"
"I know Toby – she'll get here as soon as she can – I know that. She's where she needs to be right now."
"Anyway, CJ and I thought Molly would be nice. The secret service agent who was killed tonight ….her name was Molly….. we thought it would be …."
"Molly is perfect. You still happy with the middle names?"
Toby looked at her. "I am if you are."
"So Huckleberry Claude and Molly Jean it is."
Toby smiled as he thought about CJ's reaction when she heard the names. "Listen, I have to get back….I just wanted to see if you needed anything and to have another look at them."
"We're fine." Andi said as she shifted uncomfortably in the bed. "Toby?" She said quietly, "I love the house – thank you."
Toby smiled as he left the room ten minutes later and went to look at the two miracles that had come into their lives today.
White House
Toby was asleep on her couch as CJ entered her office from yet another briefing. Since they had sworn in a Republican as the Acting President, it seemed like she had lived in the briefing room. As she looked at her watch and saw that it was 5am, the tiredness she had been holding at bay all night seemed to wash over her.
The movement in the office as CJ walked in woke Toby up. He took one look at CJ and got to his feet. He sat her on the couch and pulled her feet into his lap, removed her shoes and began massaging. Her eyes closed automatically and she began to relax – finally.
"They'll find her soon CJ, and this will all be over."
"I hope so Toby. I hope so, because if something happens to her….." CJ didn't want to speak the words out loud, but after seeing the President and Abby tonight, she knew they wouldn't survive if they didn't find Zoey.
"So much has happened today." He sighed as he continued massaging.
"I know, but technically most of it happened yesterday." She smiled weakly.
"Andi and I talked – she said some things…"
The tone of Toby's voice made CJ sit up and look at him. "What did she say?"
"It doesn't really matter what she said, more what she made me realize." Toby took a deep breath, knowing that this was probably the most inappropriate time for this, but he needed to do it before he lost his nerve. "She made me see that I was wrong. I don't need to be married to Andi to be a good father, I need to be married to you."
CJ was startled by what Toby had just said. It sounded like he wanted to be married to her, but she hadn't slept for 24 hours so she had obviously misheard.
"CJ – you are the woman who makes me happy; you make me want to smile, you make me laugh, you challenge me, you make me want to be a better person – I love you and I want to marry you."
There it was again, the 'marry' word. CJ thought her mind was playing some cruel kind of trick. Toby had been proposing to Andi for nearly nine months and now she was imagining he was proposing to her. She really needed to get home and have some sleep.
"Well?"
CJ looked at him and she could see the serious look on his face.
"Did you just propose to me?"
"Yes. CJ, I love you. I want to be married to you. I want you officially to be the twins step-mom."
CJ's tears spilled over. She was emotionally overwrought and tired but she had never been happier in her life. "Yes!"
Two Months Later
The first thing they did when they moved was to pull down the fence that divided the two properties. Toby could just imagine Molly and Huck happily running between the houses in years to come.
CJ had been leaving work as early as possible ever since they had bought the babies home from the hospital. In the first weeks after they were born, that had been almost midnight every night, but since Zoey had been found alive and well and the President had been reinstated, things seemed to be getting back to normal – well as normal as they ever were.
She loved spending time with the twins and, since they had moved, it seemed that if she wasn't at work, she either had the babies at their house, or she was over at Andi's. That was where Toby found her that night.
Toby had been in a late meeting and CJ had decided not to wait for him. He walked through the front door and called out to CJ. When he didn't get an answer he quickly got changed and headed out the back door and across the yard to Andi's house.
As he got to the glass doors, he stopped to drink in the sight. Two beautiful women were sitting opposite each other, curled up on the over-stuffed couches, talking and laughing. Each had a baby in her arms and was giving it a bottle. He quietly opened the door and snuck in so not to disturb them. He just wanted to watch and think about how much his life had changed.
All the things that used to be important to him still were. In fact, since the birth of the twins, they had become more important. He wanted to make the world a place they could grow up, safe and happy. He walked over and dropped a light kiss on CJ's head before sitting down next to her.
"Hey you," she said as she leaned over to kiss him, "you want to feed Molly?"
"No, I'd rather watch you do it." He smiled at her self consciously.
"So when are you two going to tie the knot?" Andi asked as she watched the two people opposite her. She loved them both and she watched as they communicated without speaking a word to each other.
CJ and Toby looked at each other. Toby shrugged, indicating it was up to CJ to tell Andi if she wanted to.
"We did." CJ grinned, "about three weeks ago."
The End