Disclaimer: nothing (haven't u read the last page?!)
It was a conspiracy that's what it was. They were all against him. He could see it in the way they talked to him and the way they offered advice. It was so damn patronising. That's what got to him the most. The fake overplayed sympathy when they mock whispered in his ear with their pearls of wisdom. He couldn't stand it anymore. Something had to give soon.
Something wet splashed down his leg. He looked down and smiled tightly. He hadn't realised he'd been so violently splashing the water as he scrubbed off the body paint until then. He lifted his head to look in the mirror. Hair chopped shorted because all the dye was causing it to fall out, currently a deep green colour with a pale grey bandana keeping it off his face. Eyes small and mean, mouth twisted into an ugly frown. His body was pale and skinny; he hadn't been taking care of it for a while. He'd been too drained.
When had wrestling suddenly taken a back seat? When had everything else nudged its way forward and shoved it out the way? He couldn't pinpoint the exact time or place but he knew it had happened over a long stretch. Music was a light in his life and always had been. Now it was a big glowing sun, shining on everything, making everything clearer. He was sick of being criticised over the internet where his so-called fans expressed themselves; their disappointment at his changed attitude and flakiness. It made him to sick to think about it. He'd forced himself to read some just to see what they said. He'd had to throw up afterwards. They were some damning scornful words that he couldn't stomach despite the nagging feeling that there was some truth hidden in the festering heap.
He wanted to leave. That much he knew. But he couldn't. There was safety, security here and so much money to be made. His brother would be so disappointed and so would his father. Who knew what Amy would think of him? Let along the millions of fans who didn't trash him online. He leaned forward, his forehead pressed against the mirror, his eyes closed. Everything seemed to be crashing down on him and he knew he had to make a move but he didn't know how.
"Just leave" a voice piped up
His head shot up. He whirled around and caught sight of a young guy leaning against the bathroom wall. Where had he come from? Sure it was a public arena so anyone could use the bathrooms here though only crew were allowed backstage. This guy looked a bit too young to work on the crew though.
"Are you part of the local crew?" he asked at last
The guy laughed. It sounded like he was mocking him.
"You could say that Jeff yeah"
Jeff frowned at the voice. There was an accent. What was it? Then he placed it. British. It reminded him of thick grey storm clouds. The guy was watching him, a slight smile on his face. Jeff looked back, taking in his appearance; a crisp white long sleeved button down shirt with a black short sleeved one over the top completely undone, worn blue jeans and untidy sneakers. His hair was brown and didn't seem to have a style. He wore glasses too, round ones and jewellery, some sort of silver star on a black cord around his neck and another silver symbol on a black cord around his right wrist. He seemed perfectly at ease and comfortable where he was. He was watching Jeff.
Jeff didn't like the way the guy was watching him, a smile on his face. He felt like he was being judged and looked through. Finally he turned to the younger guy
"Why are you staring? Shouldn't you be shifting the ring or something?" he asked in exasperation
"They've got people to do that, I'm watching you" replied the guy with more than a hint of laughter in his voice "have some fun out there?"
Jeff thought about it. Fun? That wasn't the word. Neither was torture, or calling, or exhilarating. He paused, his hand cupped with water against his arm quickly draining.
"No, not fun really" he absent-mindedly began rubbing his empty hand against his arm "more like work really, it just what I do"
"You get to kiss that very attractive blonde and its just work?" the guy said incredulously
Jeff grinned. He'd kissed Trish before and she was beautiful; long icy blonde hair, big brown eyes and a tight curvy body. She was more a friend than anything and if he even started to enjoy the kiss, he'd feel guilty; Beth would be watching. Once, he would have been excited about having an angle with Steven Richards involving Richards' partner Victoria and Trish but now, it was just dead ended. He didn't feel any joy about it even though he knew he should. The WWE were throwing angles and ideas at him for him to catch hold of and use but he was sick of half-heartedly trying to be excited.
"Got lost in thought there" the guy laughed "so it is just work? I think you need to find a new job"
"Maybe I do" Jeff conceded with a nod as he turned his attention back to washing "I'm not in love with this one anymore"
"So find a new one" the guy said with a sudden urgency in his voice that made Jeff look at him in surprise "find one that does make you happy, excited. Make music, sell holidays, spend days catching the breeze and shooting the wind, write your life's work in a million paintings and sell them for nothing, you're full of ideas so use them"
Jeff gaped at him. It was like the guy had got into Jeff's head and spread all the contents bare. He knew just what Jeff was feeling and articulated it better than Jeff could have. The guy smiled, pulling back. Jeff noticed his eyes. He couldn't figure out the colour of them; they were a pale watery green or light brown. Maybe they were grey or gold. A colour that faded and sparkled.
"You know what you want to do so make it happen. Hey it may sound cheesy but I know you want to break away and why not? Your brother's happy with that he's doing, so his girlfriend. They all are; if they're not then they walk. You need to make your choice, there's a chance you won't get paid and it'll take time for you to find the right place, person and time but you'll get there" the guy laughed suddenly "I should know, I do it everyday"
Jeff was speechless. It was like someone had unzipped him and let a fresh breeze flow through his body, blowing all the dirt and dust out. It felt good, refreshing. This guy had pushed him round to face the right way and now he felt like he could do it. Maybe he would leave. The WWE would probably be glad to see him gone anyway. He had a lot to do; his music, his art, his poetry, his house. There were so many possibilities. He smiled, truly and properly for the first time in a while.
"You know, for a geeky-looking guy, you're pretty intelligent" he said
The guy looked upwards as if seeing something no one else did and smiled, raising an eyebrow
"See? Someone thinks I'm intelligent" he said, talking to the air, he paused as if listening and laughed "maybe, we can discuss that later"
He turned back to Jeff
"Just do what you want to, you say 'live for the moment' a lot to the fans so why not follow it yourself' all you need is some hope and faith"
Jeff concentrated on scrubbing an upper arm as his thoughts correlated slowly, slotting into place. He didn't even know the guy standing there yet the guy seemed to know him inside out. Better than anyone else. It meant no useless words were used trying to explain. There was no need, the guy already knew. That was a blessing. Jeff lifted his head to say something then smiled. The guy had disappeared. He hadn't even heard the door open. Somehow Jeff wasn't even surprised. Things made more sense now. He had a lot of thinking to do.
It was a conspiracy that's what it was. They were all against him. He could see it in the way they talked to him and the way they offered advice. It was so damn patronising. That's what got to him the most. The fake overplayed sympathy when they mock whispered in his ear with their pearls of wisdom. He couldn't stand it anymore. Something had to give soon.
Something wet splashed down his leg. He looked down and smiled tightly. He hadn't realised he'd been so violently splashing the water as he scrubbed off the body paint until then. He lifted his head to look in the mirror. Hair chopped shorted because all the dye was causing it to fall out, currently a deep green colour with a pale grey bandana keeping it off his face. Eyes small and mean, mouth twisted into an ugly frown. His body was pale and skinny; he hadn't been taking care of it for a while. He'd been too drained.
When had wrestling suddenly taken a back seat? When had everything else nudged its way forward and shoved it out the way? He couldn't pinpoint the exact time or place but he knew it had happened over a long stretch. Music was a light in his life and always had been. Now it was a big glowing sun, shining on everything, making everything clearer. He was sick of being criticised over the internet where his so-called fans expressed themselves; their disappointment at his changed attitude and flakiness. It made him to sick to think about it. He'd forced himself to read some just to see what they said. He'd had to throw up afterwards. They were some damning scornful words that he couldn't stomach despite the nagging feeling that there was some truth hidden in the festering heap.
He wanted to leave. That much he knew. But he couldn't. There was safety, security here and so much money to be made. His brother would be so disappointed and so would his father. Who knew what Amy would think of him? Let along the millions of fans who didn't trash him online. He leaned forward, his forehead pressed against the mirror, his eyes closed. Everything seemed to be crashing down on him and he knew he had to make a move but he didn't know how.
"Just leave" a voice piped up
His head shot up. He whirled around and caught sight of a young guy leaning against the bathroom wall. Where had he come from? Sure it was a public arena so anyone could use the bathrooms here though only crew were allowed backstage. This guy looked a bit too young to work on the crew though.
"Are you part of the local crew?" he asked at last
The guy laughed. It sounded like he was mocking him.
"You could say that Jeff yeah"
Jeff frowned at the voice. There was an accent. What was it? Then he placed it. British. It reminded him of thick grey storm clouds. The guy was watching him, a slight smile on his face. Jeff looked back, taking in his appearance; a crisp white long sleeved button down shirt with a black short sleeved one over the top completely undone, worn blue jeans and untidy sneakers. His hair was brown and didn't seem to have a style. He wore glasses too, round ones and jewellery, some sort of silver star on a black cord around his neck and another silver symbol on a black cord around his right wrist. He seemed perfectly at ease and comfortable where he was. He was watching Jeff.
Jeff didn't like the way the guy was watching him, a smile on his face. He felt like he was being judged and looked through. Finally he turned to the younger guy
"Why are you staring? Shouldn't you be shifting the ring or something?" he asked in exasperation
"They've got people to do that, I'm watching you" replied the guy with more than a hint of laughter in his voice "have some fun out there?"
Jeff thought about it. Fun? That wasn't the word. Neither was torture, or calling, or exhilarating. He paused, his hand cupped with water against his arm quickly draining.
"No, not fun really" he absent-mindedly began rubbing his empty hand against his arm "more like work really, it just what I do"
"You get to kiss that very attractive blonde and its just work?" the guy said incredulously
Jeff grinned. He'd kissed Trish before and she was beautiful; long icy blonde hair, big brown eyes and a tight curvy body. She was more a friend than anything and if he even started to enjoy the kiss, he'd feel guilty; Beth would be watching. Once, he would have been excited about having an angle with Steven Richards involving Richards' partner Victoria and Trish but now, it was just dead ended. He didn't feel any joy about it even though he knew he should. The WWE were throwing angles and ideas at him for him to catch hold of and use but he was sick of half-heartedly trying to be excited.
"Got lost in thought there" the guy laughed "so it is just work? I think you need to find a new job"
"Maybe I do" Jeff conceded with a nod as he turned his attention back to washing "I'm not in love with this one anymore"
"So find a new one" the guy said with a sudden urgency in his voice that made Jeff look at him in surprise "find one that does make you happy, excited. Make music, sell holidays, spend days catching the breeze and shooting the wind, write your life's work in a million paintings and sell them for nothing, you're full of ideas so use them"
Jeff gaped at him. It was like the guy had got into Jeff's head and spread all the contents bare. He knew just what Jeff was feeling and articulated it better than Jeff could have. The guy smiled, pulling back. Jeff noticed his eyes. He couldn't figure out the colour of them; they were a pale watery green or light brown. Maybe they were grey or gold. A colour that faded and sparkled.
"You know what you want to do so make it happen. Hey it may sound cheesy but I know you want to break away and why not? Your brother's happy with that he's doing, so his girlfriend. They all are; if they're not then they walk. You need to make your choice, there's a chance you won't get paid and it'll take time for you to find the right place, person and time but you'll get there" the guy laughed suddenly "I should know, I do it everyday"
Jeff was speechless. It was like someone had unzipped him and let a fresh breeze flow through his body, blowing all the dirt and dust out. It felt good, refreshing. This guy had pushed him round to face the right way and now he felt like he could do it. Maybe he would leave. The WWE would probably be glad to see him gone anyway. He had a lot to do; his music, his art, his poetry, his house. There were so many possibilities. He smiled, truly and properly for the first time in a while.
"You know, for a geeky-looking guy, you're pretty intelligent" he said
The guy looked upwards as if seeing something no one else did and smiled, raising an eyebrow
"See? Someone thinks I'm intelligent" he said, talking to the air, he paused as if listening and laughed "maybe, we can discuss that later"
He turned back to Jeff
"Just do what you want to, you say 'live for the moment' a lot to the fans so why not follow it yourself' all you need is some hope and faith"
Jeff concentrated on scrubbing an upper arm as his thoughts correlated slowly, slotting into place. He didn't even know the guy standing there yet the guy seemed to know him inside out. Better than anyone else. It meant no useless words were used trying to explain. There was no need, the guy already knew. That was a blessing. Jeff lifted his head to say something then smiled. The guy had disappeared. He hadn't even heard the door open. Somehow Jeff wasn't even surprised. Things made more sense now. He had a lot of thinking to do.