A/N: Here it is, chapter 1 as promised. Thanks for all the reviews so far, I really appreciate it! Chapter 2 will be a little delayed though, since I've got less than 48 hours until my hardest final *cringe*, but, it's only 4 days until summer! Oh yea, and since I forgot to say this last chapter, a big thanks to Emcron for the title.
Chapter 1: Assignments
Kurama's window was unlocked, as usual. Kurama was doing his homework. As usual. It would be the end of the world before the kitsune decided that, just maybe, he didn't need to relearn something that he'd only known for about two hundred and fifty years. And heaven forbid that he get a 99 percent on an assignment!
Kurama was just as bad as Keiko.
Hiei grumbled a stream of curses under his breath, promising a variety of messy and very painful fates to a certain human woman if he saw her before he absolutely had to. (Which, if he got his way, would be never.)
"Something wrong Hiei?" Kurama asked innocently.
Kitsunes had to be the most annoying creatures in the universe. He was sure of it. That bastard was actually amused! No doubt he knew every detail of his predicament better than Hiei himself, and he actually found it funny.
Hmm… it wasn't illegal to kill another demon. And he was really in the mood for some bloodshed at the moment. Still, Kurama did have his uses. Damn. Maybe he could find something cute and fluffy to take his frustrations out on. Or perhaps that idiot Kuwabara. Yes, Kuwabara would be easy to pick a fight with, as he was constantly just asking to get his ass kicked.
But first… "Tell me about this 'marriage' thing," he demanded.
The humor drained off the kitsune's face to be replaced by shock. But Kurama knew better than to ask why Hiei wanted to know, so instead he did his best to answer the fire demon's question. "Umm… well Hiei, when two people love each other very much…"
Twenty minutes and a much-annoyed Hiei later, the fire demon had a much better idea of the human concept of marriage. And quite frankly, it was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. "So it's like mating but you're stuck with them?"
"Something like that," Kurama replied with a sigh. He should have known better than to try and make Hiei understand. Demons occasionally had life mates, but even then they were far from monogamous. "Why did you want to know anyway?"
Hiei looked sullen. "I got married to Keiko."
Kurama toppled out of his chair, which was quite a feat seeing as his butt had been firmly planted in the middle of the seat and all four legs had been flat on the floor. He stayed on the ground, not quite trusting himself to keep a straight face around Hiei at the moment.
It was strange. Not the fact that Keiko had somehow managed to trick Hiei into marrying her, for he knew that she was more than capable of such a thing. But he had always thought that she had a thing for Yusuke.
"Don't strain yourself thinking too much, fox. It is a school assignment; 'family economics' or something like that."
Kurama sat up slowly, suddenly feeling very sorry for Keiko for having to put up with Hiei for however long this assignment was going to last.
The doorbell rang, and his mother answered. A few moments later, she called, "Suuichi! Your friend Keiko is here!"
"Where is he?!" Keiko yelled as she flung open the door. "I know that little shrimp is here; don't you dare try to hide him!" Then she caught sight of Hiei.
Kurama wisely decided that it would be a good idea not to come between the – ahem – newlyweds. Scooting as far out of the way as possible without leaving the room – he really didn't want to miss this – the kitsune sat back to watch.
"Think you can get out of this do you?" the girl yelled as Hiei began to inch toward the window. "Well think again, because I've found a way to make this count!"
On second thought, Kurama began to feel sorry for Hiei.
The fire demon turned back to Keiko and growled in a way that confused the kitsune for a moment. Upon more careful inspection, Kurama took in the way that Hiei's eyes remained firmly fixed upon the girl's face, as if he was afraid that his gaze would slip lower if he wasn't careful. And suddenly, Kurama had a very hard time keeping a straight face.
"Oh really? And what's that?" Hiei growled, taking a step toward the woman. Kurama choked as he tried to swallow a laugh.
Hiei had a thing for Keiko!
And Yusuke was going to murder him. Brutally. Poor Hiei didn't stand a chance.
"I'll have a little talk with Koenma – seeing as the way I hear it you have to obey him – and he'll make sure that you are properly motivated to do well on this assignment," the girl said, looking quite proud of herself.
She was a devious little bitch wasn't she? Must be what Hiei saw in her.
The fire demon smirked. "I'd like to see that. You'd be too scared of Koenma to say a damn thing. He's ten feet tall, and hideous and eats little girls like you for breakfast."
Keiko smirked back. "Nice try. Yusuke told me that he's a toddler." Her smile grew wider, baring her teeth in a positively evil grin. "So don't you dare think that you are going to get away with making me take care of our son all by myself."
Kurama nearly passed out. Son?! Whatever happened to gestation and childbirth and what the hell was Yusuke going to say, and why the hell did this defy all laws of nature?
Blink. Blink.
Oh.
Keiko was holding up a life-sized doll clad only in a blue diaper by the ankle, dangling it upside-down…
"I don't even like kids, and anyway, we'll fail if you don't help out!"
… and it was dripping on his nice clean floor!
If it smelled, Kurama was going to murder both of them, to hell with the laws and morals and Yusuke's anger.
"Now come on hubby-dearest. We've got a lot of work to do." And with a goodbye to the kitsune, Keiko stuffed the baby into her bag, latched onto Hiei's ear, and dragged him away.
For the first time in either of his lives, Kurama wondered if it was possible to die laughing.
LL: Ok, so it's still kinda short, but it's longer than the last chapter, ne?
Hiei: *blink*blink* That was so utterly humiliating. *jumps on LL with sword (the metal one) drawn* Change it now woman!
LL: Oy, there are so many things wrong with this position that I'm not even going to comment.
Keiko: *feels LL's forehead* Those finals must be getting to you, are you sure you are feeling all right?
LL: *suspiciously* I thought you were mad at me for pairing you up with Hiei.
Keiko: *blushes* Well, I was, but then I actually took the time to look at Hiei, and well…
LL: Yea.
Keiko: So I'm gonna be on top, huh?
Hiei: WTF!!! *pokes LL with sword* You better put me on top, woman!!!
LL: @_@ ------- passed out from Hiei jumping on her stomach
(Don't tell Hiei, but we actually have no idea what's going to happen next, seeing as this all came from a random burst of inspiration and we're all out of ideas (not to mention that studying for finals is not very inspiring). So if you've got any that you want to share, jokes, Hiei/Keiko torture, plot, or whatever, let us know. And to show our appreciation, if we use your idea, then we'll put you in for a cameo Hiei (or whatever char you want) glomp/grope. So make them good! And thanks a bunch in advance!! ~Landlady and muses)