(Standard disclaimers apply. I'm sorry for taking so long to
update this, and I guess I should let you know, that this
idea came from someone who actually went through something
like this. I did change some things to fit the story, but
other then that, this story was based on an actual event. The
song Sympathy is a new one from the Goo Goo dolls. It's a
great song, and I recommend everyone to listen to it. Please
read and review.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The drive home was the longest one that Mac ever took. But she didn't drive to her apartment; instead she drove over to Harm's place. She knew she couldn't get away with staying at the hospital, so she decided to sleep at Harm's. She knew he wouldn't mind, and right now, Mac needed to feel as close to him as possible. Digging through his drawers, she took out his Annapolis sweatshirt, and curled up under his blankets. She couldn't help but cry for her best friend.
No matter how she tried though, she couldn't get the doctors voice out of head. He was paralyzed from the waist down, and would never walk again. How could life be so cruel? His career was over, he would never walk again, and he would never fly again. What would he do now? Mac hugged the pillow tightly, and cried herself to sleep. Not knowing how her relationship with Harm would be affected by the tragedy.
Fade out.
A few days later
(Harm's POV)
Jan. 4th
Today a psychiatrist stopped by and gave me this notebook. He said if I wasn't going to talk about what about what I was feeling, than the next best thing to do was to write my feelings down. What a load of crap. But to please the doctors and my mother, I'll do it. But it's under protest.
Jan. 5th
I hate this. I hate it so much it is killing inside, earlier this morning the Admiral stopped by with my medical discharge. I was no longer a naval officer. I was just Harmon Rabb, cripple. I know I was being morbid, but after one damn accident everything I ever wanted was taken away. Mom and Frank flew this morning, and asked me what I was going to do now. How the hell did I know? Everything just happened so damn fast. No one asked me, if I wanted to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. And I admit I did get a little angry. They tried to comfort me, and tried to calm me down, but I was too angry and hurt to listen. I knew I was pushing them away, but I didn't know what else to do. After they left, I finally knew I was no longer the same. I would never be.
Stranger the your sympathy
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out
I wish for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees
Jan. 6th
It seems like I had an endless stream of visitors today. Bud and Harriet came by earlier this morning with little AJ. He was so happy to see me, and when he held up his arms and asked me to do 'airplane' I almost cried. Can you imagine? A big naval aviator-well former I guess, but could you imagine me crying? Bud and Harriet looked like they were going to faint, and so I did the only thing I could think of doing. I pulled him onto my lap, and told him maybe another time. He gave me a confused look, and then asked me why my legs don't work anymore. Bud and Harriet tried to hush him, but I was quicker. I told him I just didn't know, and he seemed satisfied with that. It was just so wrong.
Oh everything's all wrong
Everything's all wrong yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?
Jan. 7th
Aside from the daily visits from my mom and step father, today Mac came to visit me. I know she was trying to cheer me up, but it wasn't working. She told me about the letter she got from her uncle Matt, and that Chloe was coming up for a visit next month. I know she was trying to stay away from certain topics like work, but I was glad she came by. There was something really important I needed to talk to her about.
I knew that in a few weeks she would be getting her pilot's licenses, I told her, so I told her that I wanted her to have Sarah. She started protesting like I knew she would, but I told her that she was the only one who I trusted to take care of her. As soon as I handed her the paperwork, that did it for her, she started crying. I held her for the longest time and had to keep my own tears at bay. I couldn't think right now about how much I loved her and how much it hurt to know now that I have lost all my chances to be with her, why would she want someone stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, when she could do so much better? After she stopped we laughed and joked before she said she had to go. She didn't tell me why, but I know she had an early court date tomorrow, but didn't want to tell me. I wanted to cry after she left, but I sucked it up. I would have to.
Stranger then your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt
Jan. 8th
I told them all today. I told the Admiral, Mac Bud and Harriet, that I was going back to California to live with Mom and Frank. Strangely Sturgis was the only one whom I haven't seen since the accident. I knew he felt guilty about this whole thing, but I don't blame him; only myself. They took it pretty well considering. But I knew that look in Mac's eyes. I knew what she was feeling. I would have to talk to her again in private. I knew the Admiral was disappointed that I was leaving, but hell, what could he do? After they left I was sad that Mac didn't stick around, but I knew she needed some time to sort things out. I was leaving the hospital in two days; I just hoped I would be able to talk to her before I left; Sturgis too.
It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
And you can't see when all your dreams are coming true
Jan. 9th
This morning, a physical therapist came by to offer to take me to the physical therapy room, for a workout. I was so happy, I could have kissed her. I worked about two hours, lifting weights, learning how to use my wheelchair, and learning new ways to exercise. It was the first time I cracked a smile since this whole thing started. For awhile there I almost forgot that I couldn't use my legs. The therapist just smiled, and said that exercise helps a lot of people. And that is how Mac found me, cracking jokes with the therapist. It was the first time that I had seen her smile since this whole thing started too.
After the therapist left to let us talk, I knew it was now or never. I started off by telling how sorry I was. I told her that there was no place in Washington for e anymore. How would I support myself? In anger, she shot back that I had friends who would take care of me, friends that cared about me. I didn't know what to say to that. I knew I was letting everyone down. I hung my head, and sighed. I told her that I would never stop being her friend. That I would never stop caring for her, but it just hurt too much to stay. I guess she understood, because she left it at that.
When I asked her about Sturgis, she just shook her head. She said that he had asked the Admiral for leave, and we haven't heard from him since. From what she told me, I knew that he was running. Now I knew Sturgis, and he wasn't the type of man that ran from his problems, but when he was pushed to his limit, he needed a little time to regroup. And I guess that he was just doing that. I just hoped I would be able to see him before I left.
Oh yeah it's so easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?
Jan. 11th
I know I didn't write yesterday, but from all the packing, everyone coming to visit one last time, I just didn't have any time. I asked Mac to come by at a certain time, so we could talk in private, and she did. She asked me again not to go, but I told her I just couldn't stay. I just couldn't stay in a place where I didn't belong anymore. But I told her that she would be okay. I promised her that I would keep in touch, that I would IM (Instant message) her, and call her everyday to see how she was doing. And that I would think about her everyday. She cried; I knew she would. I held her close, and just keep telling her that she was going to be okay. I didn't want to tell how much I loved her, and how much it was killing me that was leaving her, but I just couldn't. Sturgis still hasn't shown up. No one knows how to reach him.
Stranger then your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong
Jan. 12
We flew to California, home, I guess, back on Frank's company jet. As I watched the city lights fade into the night, I knew the old saying was true. You could never go home again, and I never believed it until now. I could never go home again.
And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one who kneel
Before all the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were empty things disguised as me
Yeah stranger then you sympathy stranger then
Your sympathy
TBC
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The drive home was the longest one that Mac ever took. But she didn't drive to her apartment; instead she drove over to Harm's place. She knew she couldn't get away with staying at the hospital, so she decided to sleep at Harm's. She knew he wouldn't mind, and right now, Mac needed to feel as close to him as possible. Digging through his drawers, she took out his Annapolis sweatshirt, and curled up under his blankets. She couldn't help but cry for her best friend.
No matter how she tried though, she couldn't get the doctors voice out of head. He was paralyzed from the waist down, and would never walk again. How could life be so cruel? His career was over, he would never walk again, and he would never fly again. What would he do now? Mac hugged the pillow tightly, and cried herself to sleep. Not knowing how her relationship with Harm would be affected by the tragedy.
Fade out.
A few days later
(Harm's POV)
Jan. 4th
Today a psychiatrist stopped by and gave me this notebook. He said if I wasn't going to talk about what about what I was feeling, than the next best thing to do was to write my feelings down. What a load of crap. But to please the doctors and my mother, I'll do it. But it's under protest.
Jan. 5th
I hate this. I hate it so much it is killing inside, earlier this morning the Admiral stopped by with my medical discharge. I was no longer a naval officer. I was just Harmon Rabb, cripple. I know I was being morbid, but after one damn accident everything I ever wanted was taken away. Mom and Frank flew this morning, and asked me what I was going to do now. How the hell did I know? Everything just happened so damn fast. No one asked me, if I wanted to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. And I admit I did get a little angry. They tried to comfort me, and tried to calm me down, but I was too angry and hurt to listen. I knew I was pushing them away, but I didn't know what else to do. After they left, I finally knew I was no longer the same. I would never be.
Stranger the your sympathy
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out
I wish for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees
Jan. 6th
It seems like I had an endless stream of visitors today. Bud and Harriet came by earlier this morning with little AJ. He was so happy to see me, and when he held up his arms and asked me to do 'airplane' I almost cried. Can you imagine? A big naval aviator-well former I guess, but could you imagine me crying? Bud and Harriet looked like they were going to faint, and so I did the only thing I could think of doing. I pulled him onto my lap, and told him maybe another time. He gave me a confused look, and then asked me why my legs don't work anymore. Bud and Harriet tried to hush him, but I was quicker. I told him I just didn't know, and he seemed satisfied with that. It was just so wrong.
Oh everything's all wrong
Everything's all wrong yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?
Jan. 7th
Aside from the daily visits from my mom and step father, today Mac came to visit me. I know she was trying to cheer me up, but it wasn't working. She told me about the letter she got from her uncle Matt, and that Chloe was coming up for a visit next month. I know she was trying to stay away from certain topics like work, but I was glad she came by. There was something really important I needed to talk to her about.
I knew that in a few weeks she would be getting her pilot's licenses, I told her, so I told her that I wanted her to have Sarah. She started protesting like I knew she would, but I told her that she was the only one who I trusted to take care of her. As soon as I handed her the paperwork, that did it for her, she started crying. I held her for the longest time and had to keep my own tears at bay. I couldn't think right now about how much I loved her and how much it hurt to know now that I have lost all my chances to be with her, why would she want someone stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, when she could do so much better? After she stopped we laughed and joked before she said she had to go. She didn't tell me why, but I know she had an early court date tomorrow, but didn't want to tell me. I wanted to cry after she left, but I sucked it up. I would have to.
Stranger then your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt
Jan. 8th
I told them all today. I told the Admiral, Mac Bud and Harriet, that I was going back to California to live with Mom and Frank. Strangely Sturgis was the only one whom I haven't seen since the accident. I knew he felt guilty about this whole thing, but I don't blame him; only myself. They took it pretty well considering. But I knew that look in Mac's eyes. I knew what she was feeling. I would have to talk to her again in private. I knew the Admiral was disappointed that I was leaving, but hell, what could he do? After they left I was sad that Mac didn't stick around, but I knew she needed some time to sort things out. I was leaving the hospital in two days; I just hoped I would be able to talk to her before I left; Sturgis too.
It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
And you can't see when all your dreams are coming true
Jan. 9th
This morning, a physical therapist came by to offer to take me to the physical therapy room, for a workout. I was so happy, I could have kissed her. I worked about two hours, lifting weights, learning how to use my wheelchair, and learning new ways to exercise. It was the first time I cracked a smile since this whole thing started. For awhile there I almost forgot that I couldn't use my legs. The therapist just smiled, and said that exercise helps a lot of people. And that is how Mac found me, cracking jokes with the therapist. It was the first time that I had seen her smile since this whole thing started too.
After the therapist left to let us talk, I knew it was now or never. I started off by telling how sorry I was. I told her that there was no place in Washington for e anymore. How would I support myself? In anger, she shot back that I had friends who would take care of me, friends that cared about me. I didn't know what to say to that. I knew I was letting everyone down. I hung my head, and sighed. I told her that I would never stop being her friend. That I would never stop caring for her, but it just hurt too much to stay. I guess she understood, because she left it at that.
When I asked her about Sturgis, she just shook her head. She said that he had asked the Admiral for leave, and we haven't heard from him since. From what she told me, I knew that he was running. Now I knew Sturgis, and he wasn't the type of man that ran from his problems, but when he was pushed to his limit, he needed a little time to regroup. And I guess that he was just doing that. I just hoped I would be able to see him before I left.
Oh yeah it's so easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?
Jan. 11th
I know I didn't write yesterday, but from all the packing, everyone coming to visit one last time, I just didn't have any time. I asked Mac to come by at a certain time, so we could talk in private, and she did. She asked me again not to go, but I told her I just couldn't stay. I just couldn't stay in a place where I didn't belong anymore. But I told her that she would be okay. I promised her that I would keep in touch, that I would IM (Instant message) her, and call her everyday to see how she was doing. And that I would think about her everyday. She cried; I knew she would. I held her close, and just keep telling her that she was going to be okay. I didn't want to tell how much I loved her, and how much it was killing me that was leaving her, but I just couldn't. Sturgis still hasn't shown up. No one knows how to reach him.
Stranger then your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong
Jan. 12
We flew to California, home, I guess, back on Frank's company jet. As I watched the city lights fade into the night, I knew the old saying was true. You could never go home again, and I never believed it until now. I could never go home again.
And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one who kneel
Before all the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were empty things disguised as me
Yeah stranger then you sympathy stranger then
Your sympathy
TBC