Harry's Memories
I often reflect on my life. Now that we've defeated Voldemort, I look back on my life and what has brought me to my present. Whether I am watching my wife sleep or holding my daughter, I realize how lucky I am. I'm married to a beautiful woman, we have a daughter that is the pride of my life and my godfather's name is finally cleared so I have a magical father figure in my life at last. I don't need it now as much as I did while I was still a student at Hogwarts, but it's still a comfort to know that Sirius Black is never far.
At the moment, I'm watching little Lily playing on the floor with a toy wand. She's already mumbling spells and charms that she has heard Hermione and I say. "Umos! Aseeyo! Wigadia Weviosa!" she is saying as she pointed the wand at nothing in particular.
"Lily, not quite, sweetie," Hermione corrects our daughter. I'm not surprised. Hermione was always the best student in our year (and possibly at Hogwarts, period - if it weren't for the courage she constantly shows me, I'd swear she should have been in Ravenclaw for that brain of hers) and it is just expected that the child of "The boy who lived" and "the smartest girl at Hogwarts" would be a natural at magic. "It's 'Lumos,' 'Accio,' and 'Wingardium Leviosa.' You'll get it, pumpkin," Hermione sweetly says as she hugs our little girl.
I can only smile as I watched the two most important women in my life - "my girls" as I call them. Hermione is such a perfect mother. Despite the fact that she didn't grow in the ways of witchcraft (her parents were both muggles), she knows exactly how to raise little Lily to be a proper witch, one that would be a good student at Hogwarts.
I can't even imagine my life without my sweet Hermione. She has always known me better than I know myself (and it's not just from the books written about my history). She sees more than the scar that represents the amazing story of the boy who lived. She sees the simple green-eyed, black haired boy who still has nightmares about the night his parents died and she loves me anyway.
She's probably the most loving person I have ever met. Through all my insecurities, she sticks around anyway. When I wake up with nightmares, she holds me. She'll just hug me sometimes to "take the sadness away." I get so much comfort just from looking at her. Waking up to those big brown eyes makes it possible to face the day. Hermione is a perfectionist, yet she puts up with all of my flaws anyway. She's strong, smart, dependable and the most beautiful person I know, inside and out.
Hermione smiles back as she catches me staring at her. She knew these moments were bittersweet to me. I love my family, and I could never say otherwise, but it made me think of all I missed with my own parents since they were killed that fateful night I defeated Voldemort (the first time).
"Are you ok?" she asked.
"I'm fine. Just thinking," I replied.
"Happy!" Lily cried as she pointed her wand at me.
"'Happy'? I'm not sure that's a real spell, princess, but I think it worked," I said as I sat down on the floor with my girls. "I'm happier already."
Lily gave me a kiss on the nose and went back to "charming" things around her.
****
I let my thoughts wander back to the important moments in my life with Hermione. The first one that came to my mind is when I first began to really know when I could like her. We were both only eleven, but even then I knew that she could be more than a good friend. She told me I was a great wizard and I told her that I wasn't as good as her.
"Heh, me? Books and cleverness. There are more important things. Friendship and bravery. And Harry, just be careful," Hermione said with a nervous smile. That smile alone gave me the strength to go into the chamber where the Sorcerer's Stone was held. That simple vote of confidence from her was enough to help me face Voldemort.
After leaving the hospital wing, I was delighted to see Ron was all right, but I was overjoyed to see Hermione. I wasn't sure why then, but later it was obvious why. I couldn't have beared to have lost her, even then. If she didn't make it out of there, life would have been meaningless without her.
The next year, leaving her was even more difficult. I should have been happy that I defeated the basilisk, defeated Tom Riddle (AKA the one who wants me dead, Voldemort), but I wasn't happy about any of that. I was only happy that Hermione was alive. I worried for weeks about her. If she didn't make it out of this then I might as well have gone back into the Chamber. What if we couldn't save her from being petrified? But we did. When I saw her running at us after returning from the hospital, I was overwhelmed. We flew into each other's arms and melted away the sadness of what happened. It just felt right to have her there - to hold her. How could I go back to the Dursleys after that?
After our first 4 years at Hogwarts, I began to fall further and further for her. Then, at the King's Cross station after our fourth year, she kissed me on the cheek. I felt such a rush as she did. I was completely taken by the smile that she gave me. Fine, it wasn't a romantic or passionate kiss, but it was a kiss nonetheless! Ever since that kiss I had been lost. I knew there would never be anyone else, but I didn't quite know how to get her.
***
During our fifth year, I began to get desperate. Sometimes Ron and I would be studying or playing wizard's chess in the common room and she would walk by. I would honestly stop in mid-sentence and watch her walk by. It was stupid of me to deny it, but I did.
"You know, you would make it a hell of a lot easier if you would just ask her out already," he said as I lost concentration on the conversation again. He didn't miss a beat, never looking up from the Divination homework that sat in front of us.
"Huh? What?" I blindly asked.
"Hermione. You would do us all some good if you would just ask her out. The Quidditch team is thinking of banning her from games so you won't fly right into a bludger or a goal hoop or one of us!"
"What are you talking about?" I asked, knowing full well what the answer would be. During the last game, I got a little foggy while thinking about her and I almost flew right into the Gryffindor crowd. I had thought I covered it well by pretending to have seen the snitch, but I guess I was just that transparent. Did I almost hit a team member in the process? Maybe this was worse than I thought.
"Ok, Harry. Let me spell it out for you. You love Hermione and she loves you. Maybe Muggle-raised people see things like this differently, but I doubt it. Because let me tell you, everyone in this tower sees it but you two."
"Look, even if I did have feelings for Hermione, I wouldn't act on them. I couldn't put her into a position like that."
"Positions? Whoa, Harry, there's more than I need to know!" Ron quipped.
"Ron! Not like that!" My face must have been redder than my Quidditch robes. "I don't want to put her in any danger."
"Danger?" Ron asked.
"Yes, danger. I'm not sure why anyone comes near me. Do you realize how many times you and Hermione both have almost died just because you know me?"
"Harry, it's not because we know you. It's because we care. We've made it out of every predicament we've gotten ourselves into. Besides, I like a little adventure!"
"Ron, come on. I have almost gotten you killed like 5 times since I've known you. How could I expect Hermione to live a lifetime like that?"
"A
lifetime?" Ron asked quickly. "How long
have you been planning this?
I stopped. Did I really just say "a lifetime?"
"Well," I began. "I mean, sure, I like Hermione-"
"A confession, ladies and gentlemen! Harry Potter has finally come to the realization that everyone else in the world has!" Ron yelled.
"Shut up! Do you want the whole bloody school to hear you?"
"Yes. Yes, I do! It's about time you admitted it!"
"Fine, Ron. Fine! I like Hermione. I think I might love her, but I can't act on it. I can't put her life in danger. If we dated, she would be a target. What if Voldemort kidnapped her to get to me? I couldn't live with myself if she got hurt because of me," I said. Ron flinched at the name "Voldemort" again but I didn't care. He just wasn't getting it.
"Harry, you are a twit. I just want to tell you that as your best friend. You are a complete moron. Have you considered her feelings in this? Have you thought that maybe she's stuck around this long and she'd be willing to stick around longer if you would just let her? For God's sakes! Just tell her how you feel already and get a load off of everyone's chests!"
"Maybe I should," I muttered.
"I'm sorry. I didn't hear that mumble. Did you say something?"
"Ok, ok! I said maybe I should tell Hermione that I love her. Maybe I should finally say it to her."
"Thank you. That was all I wanted," Ron said, beaming. "When are you going to do it?"
"When I am good and ready! I'll know the right time. Promise me that you won't tell her beforehand!"
"Yeah, yeah. Just keep me posted on what happens, ok?" he asked.
"Fine, you will be the first person I tell. Now, can we please get back to Divination? I still need three more ways to die for my homework!" I said, hopefully changing the subject.
Ron saw right through me, but played along. "Did you put down drowned by a crazed mermaid?"
***
One night (Valentine's Day), during our fifth year, our feelings were finally admitted. I flopped onto my bed. I couldn't figure out how I just got through another study session with Hermione. It was getting more and more difficult to concentrate on Transfiguration (or anything for that matter) when there was such a beautiful girl sitting across from me. We were alone in the Tower since the most of the other Gryffindors went to the Valentine's Day ball. There was no use denying it, I was falling in love … with my best friend. I flipped on my wizard wireless. The DJ announced the song as "Can't Fight This Feeling" by the Muggle group REO Speedwagon. I thought the song sounded familiar from when I lived with the Dursleys, so I listened to the lyrics.
I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
(Terrified, even)
What started out as friendship has grown stronger
(It sure has)
I only wish I had the strength to let it show
(You'd think a Gryffindor would have no problem, but look at me. I'm a mess)
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I say there is no reason for my fear
'Coz I feel so secure when we're together
(And yet so nervous)
You give my life direction, you make everything so clear
And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might
And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I've started fighting for
(You know, I think I have)
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars forever
'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I've started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
(Oh that would be a sight. Hermione's roommates would love that)
Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
(Ever since she pointed that wand a my head and fixed my glasses)
I've been runnin' around in circles in my mind
And it always seems that I'm following you girl
'Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find
(She helped me with every single problem I've had since our first year)
And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might
And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I've started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
(It is time to get this done)
And throw away the oars forever
'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I've started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore
I couldn't believe it. One simple Muggle song summed it all up. I couldn't fight the feelings anymore. Our friendship had grown to something stronger and I knew she felt it, too.
I had to talk to her and I had to do it now! I didn't want to sacrifice our friendship, but I had to get my feelings out in the open. It was time to do it. I ran down the stairs to the Common Room to see if Hermione was still there. She wasn't and my heart dropped. If I didn't tell her soon, I might lose the courage to do it.
Suddenly, she appeared behind me.
"Harry, I heard this song on the wireless and I -"
"Shh," I said as I placed a finger on her lips. "Just kiss me."
She nodded and allowed me to pull her close. Suddenly, her lips were pressed to mine. It was the most amazing feeling in the world for both of us. Our friendship would never be the same and both of us knew it. It didn't matter, though, because our friendship wasn't being destroyed; it was being improved. A new level was added and what a wonderful level it was.
We fell back onto the couch and began kissing the first of a lifetime of kisses. Once we finally had to come up for air, Hermione found the courage to speak first.
"Did you hear the song, too?"
"Yeah, I did. I couldn't believe how well it said everything I wanted to say to you for so long now," I admitted.
"Oh, Harry. I've been dying to tell you. I just couldn't find the way to do it."
"It doesn't matter. I think we just told each other everything with that kiss," I said as she began to giggle. I began to think about how much I loved her smile. As long as she was happy, I would be happy.
"I love you, Harry Potter. Not for your past, not for that bloody scar, but for you. I love you for the way you make me feel. You don't care that I'm a Muggle-born and you never cared about the way I looked, even when it was really bad. I love you for those green eyes that look right through me. And I especially love you for our future together," Hermione said with a slight blush.
I took her face into my hands and stared deeply into her eyes. "And I love you, Hermione Granger. I love you for everything you are. I love you for your intelligence, your beauty, for the way you make me feel like I'm special just as me, not as the famous boy who lived. I can't believe I was so stupid to deny it in the past, but I'm smarter now and I'm telling you that I will love you forever."
We kissed again. The kiss lasted for several minutes until the flash of a camera interrupted us.
"FINALLY!" a chorus of recently returned Gryffindors yelled as we looked up and saw our audience. Colin Creevy had his camera out and it was he who took the distracting photo.
"Colin, I want a copy of that picture," Hermione said, much to my surprise. I expected her to explode at the fourth year. "It's going on our mantle someday," she said with a warm smile.
I smiled and pulled her close to a round of applause from our Housemates. Fred and George set off fireworks; Ron did a little dance of joy and even Professor McGonagall, who had come up to see what all the racket was about, was cheering.
True to her words, even today, Hermione finds herself dusting the mantle on which that picture and several others documenting our life sit, telling a story of love.
***
Then of course, there was the big moment when I asked her to marry me. I waited until her 18th birthday. I was awfully confused. I had faced death curses in infancy, dragons, several evil wizard attacks, Potions classes, plenty of Quidditch matches and countless other death defying acts, but for some reason, I could barely muster up the courage to propose.
I knew I loved her and I knew she loved me, so what was so difficult about actually asking the question?
To this day, I don't know.
At dinner that night, I was very quiet, but this isn't completely abnormal for me. I tend to get quiet every now and then and Hermione knew that. She probably still saw right through me though. I tried to put some sort of masking spell on my eyes to keep her from looking right into my soul and finding my plan. Hermione's greatest allies against me are these eyes of mine. She says she can read my thoughts with them and she's probably right. So, I had hoped to somehow put up a magical "Do Not Enter" sign over them and keep my secret safe for the time being.
Once we got through dinner, I knew it was time. Plus, I figured my spell would be ending soon. I stared deep into her eyes and I knew she was catching on. She wasn't the smartest girl at Hogwarts for nothing. Suddenly, I felt determined. It was as if the Golden Snitch was right in front of me; all I had to do was reach out for it.
Then it occurred to me. 'Damn it, Potter! Now is not the time to be thinking about Quidditch!' Figures, I always knew I could relate everything to that bloody sport and there was the proof. But if anything, it was calming me down for a little bit.
Then, the courage began to appear. "Hermione?" I said, knowing my voice was cracking.
"Yes, Harry?" she replied.
"I have something I need to ask you." 'Did I just say I needed to ask her something?' I thought to myself.
"Ok, ask away," she said with much curiosity in her voice.
"Well, you know how much I love you, right?"
"Of course I do. And I love you more than anything," she said. I was glad of her answer. That would make things a little easier as well.
I gave her a nervous smile. "Well, that's why I want to ask you this." I stopped. I almost couldn't find the words. "Hermione, will you . . . what I mean is . . ."
Finally, the determination I recognized from (as inappropriate as it was) Quidditch experience took over. I stood up and got down on one knee right in front of her.
"Hermione, will you marry me?" I finally asked.
"Oh, Harry! Of course I will!" she said as her tears began to flow.
Suddenly it didn't matter that we were in a public place. I took her face into my hands and kissed her right there in the restaurant.
All I can remember for the rest of the night is staring into her beautiful brown eyes.
***
The day we got married was such a wonderful day, although I was a nervous wreck for the entire beginning. I stood in my office (I was the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor - much to Snape's dismay, but who better to teach it than someone who has lived through it - and Hermione was the new Charms professor) with Sirius as he helped me with my bowtie.
"You know, I helped your dad just like this the day he married your mother," he said with a mixture of pride and sadness in his voice. "Amazing how much you look like him now. Always did, but now especially."
"Thank you so much, Sirius. For everything," I said softly.
"Don't you worry about it. What are Godfathers for?"
"Do you think they can see me? I mean, do you think they're here today?" I asked.
"I know they can and I know they are. They would not miss this for the world! Their little baby, all grown up. Teaching at Hogwarts and getting married to such a wonderful girl. I can guarantee you that Lily and James are proudly watching you. And I have something for you." Sirius pulled out another one of James and Lily's letters for me. I hastily opened it.
Dear Harry,
So today is your wedding day. I can't believe it. I'm sure she's a wonderful girl! (I know you must have impeccable taste, you are my son after all! Plus, you're a Marauder and we Marauder's always could find the best girls!) Harry, your mother and I want to tell you how proud of you we are. We know that you have grown to be a perfect wizard, a wonderful friend and a great man. Today you will become a loving husband and we hope that you understand what that entails. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it can also be difficult. We know that you are not taking it lightly. I'm sure Sirius raised you better than that (at least I hope he did. Sirius never seemed like the marrying type). I know that you're taking this seriously (and not Siriusly - sorry, I couldn't resist!). Always have fun with each other and never fail to express your love. Your mother and I just want you to know how much we love you and how much we wish we could be there in person. Please know that we are there in spirit and will always be with you.
Love,
Dad
Further down, my mother included a note as well.
Dearest Harry,
My baby is getting married today. I'm so happy just thinking about it. Currently, you are sitting on my lap trying desperately to catch my quill as I write this. You are so cute and precious to your father and I. It's hard for me to believe that on the day that you read this, you will be getting ready to wed. I know she must be a wonderful girl. I wonder did you meet her at Hogwarts? Was she in your house? Is she pretty? (I'm sure she is) Does she know how lucky she is to have you?
I know you must really love her because I know you wouldn't consider marriage otherwise. It's a challenge, but it's also the most beautiful thing a couple can do. I'm sure you thought about that, though. Hopefully, Sirius has talked to you about everything (though I worry about what you'll learn from a Marauder!) Of course, I know that you are a wonderful man now. An excellent friend, an amazing wizard and now a devoted husband. Do not take love lightly, but never take it too seriously either. If your father taught me anything, it's to keep love fun. Harry, please do not worry about being alone today. Your father and I are right beside you.
Love always,
Mum
I began to think I was going to cry. "Thank you so much, Sirius."
"Don't thank me. Thank them. I only held onto the letters," he sighed, obviously shook up by the thought of his deceased friends.
I thought about the letters. My parents seemed to think that Sirius raised me for all those years. It was a shame he didn't. But things worked out in the end, so I wasn't about to complain.
"My father called me a Marauder," I said quietly.
"Well, of course he did. You're his son. You're as much a Marauder as I am!" Sirius replied. "You've got the map, you've got that knack for finding trouble, and you've got a wonderful woman by your side."
Finally, I did start to cry. But, as usual, Sirius had to lighten the mood. "So, all set to become a man tonight?"
I knew I shouldn't have told him we decided to wait until our wedding night.
"Yes, Sirius. I am. Is that the end of that speech?" I replied, on edge.
"Nope, 'fraid not, Harry. I want to make sure you understand what you're doing. See, when a wizard and a witch love each other very much-"
"Thank you, Sirius! I know all about that," I interrupted.
"Fine, fine, know-it-all! Don't come crying to me when you don't know what to do." My godfather smiled. "Seriously, Harry, I couldn't be more happy for you. Hermione is simply perfect for you. You guys were made for each other and I know that your parents would have loved her to pieces. So, are you ready to get going?"
"Yeah, I think I am," I said. And with that, Sirius and I walked down to the Great Hall.
When we stepped inside, I had to catch my breath. The hall looked amazing! It was decorated in white, scarlet and gold for our Gryffindor colors. I had seen the hall decorated in Gryffindor colors before, we won the house cup all seven of my years at Hogwarts, but this was different. It was . . . well, beautiful, perfect for Hermione and me.
I took my place in the front of the hall with Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred and George and Sirius and Ron (my two best men).
Alicia Spinnet, Katie (Bell) Weasley, Angelina (Johnson) Weasley, Bill's wife Gabrielle and Penelope (Clearwater) Weasley were Hermione's bridesmaids. Lavender Brown and Ginny Weasley were her Maids of Honor.
Also in the hall were most of the Hogwarts staff (Snape and Filch decided not to attend), all the current Gryffindors and a few from the past as well.
"So, Harry. Are you ready to go?" Fred asked me.
"I think so," I replied, waiting for the smart comment to follow.
"You're a very lucky man, you know that, right?" George said.
"Yes, I know that very well," I said, beaming and also breathing a sigh of relief that the twins didn't have some sort of wedding day joke for me, just happiness for us.
The rest of the Weasleys shook my hand and got in line. Just then, the doors to the hall were flung open and Dumbledore made his way down the aisle. He nodded to the groomsmen and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Mr. Potter, it certainly seems to be a big day for you. You'll make a beautiful bride!"
"Thank you, Professor Dumbledore," I laughed. The man had a strange sense of humor, but you had to love him.
Once he reached the front, he nodded towards the back and Ginny began to walk down the aisle, followed by Lavender, Gabrielle, Alicia, Penelope, Angelina and Katie. They all looked very nice in the simple scarlet and gold dresses Hermione picked to match the vests on the guys.
Then she appeared in the doorway. I couldn't believe how beautiful she looked. She looked like a princess in her white gown and white robes, my princess. Her mother instantly began to cry, as did Mrs. Weasley. I felt a tear come to my eye as well as my love for her surged.
The ceremony was wonderful. Dumbledore made a few jokes (some were only funny to him) and he said some really nice things about us as well. At the end, when he told me I could kiss my bride, I couldn't help it, I let the tear fall. I pulled Hermione to me to kiss her, but before I could, she wiped the tear away. I tried to make a motion to wipe hers away as well, but she had already begun kissing me. I let myself surrender to it. There were cheers and applause when we finally came up for air. Some of the first and second years brought Gryffindor banners and were waving them madly. The Grangers and the Weasleys were all crying and so were Hermione and I. As I glanced over, I could see Professor McGonagall crying a little.
Then I heard Dumbledore clear his throat. Everyone hushed, knowing that it meant he was going to speak.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce the new Mr. and Mrs. Harry and Hermione Potter. Professor Potter, Professor Potter, congratulations," he said as he hugged us both.
"Mrs. Hermione Potter." I thought the name over and over in my head. It sounded so perfect. She was my wife now and I was her husband. All those years had finally led to this. She looked at me and I found myself drowning in her chocolate brown eyes. Life was now perfect.
***
That night was perfect as well. Yeah, it was our first time and there were some embarrassing moments, but it was still the most amazing night of my life. It didn't even matter that her hair got tangled in my glasses. Hermione giggled and I burst into laughter. The mood wasn't spoiled, it was just typical us. When it came time, I was so afraid of hurting her. I could never hurt her intentionally, but I didn't know how to get around it now. If she had told me to stop, I would have right then and there. It would have been extremely difficult, but I would do anything for her. But this was eleven years in the making and she assured me that she didn't want to stop. After a remarkable night of lovemaking, my life was complete. I had my Hermione, my comfort, my best friend, my lover, my wife with me and that was all I needed.
It didn't matter that the dark lord was still alive; I had my Hermione by my side. I knew it was dangerous out there, but in that room, there was nothing wrong. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her and I would defend her with my life if I had to. She is my world and no harm will ever come to her. I could have stood on the roof of Hogwarts castle and yelled to the world. "I love Hermione Potter and I always will!"