Story Revolution, an evangelion fanfic

Disclaimer: implied

A/N: the story gets better as I nears the end, but don't read the end right away coz you might not get it. Although you might not get it anyway if you're imagination's been fried up by your constant exposure TV radiation. Happens in a somewhat AU setting; it is up to you the readers to interpret "when" this happens. Contains scenes with sexual themes, so if a little of this sort offends you, go away, you don't deserve to read this!

Story Revolution

-darksaber

~*~*~*~

Asuka's acting weird. It has kind of been a habit for us to walk home together. We really didn't have much of a choice since she lost her key to the apartment. Misato was supposed to have another copy made for her, but knowing Misato it was never made. She kept saying that she would have it made tomorrow, but that tomorrow never come, until eventually we forgot about it and ended up walking home together. This afternoon however was different. She seemed really irritated and I have no idea why.

The walk home was awkward. I am tailing her from behind instead of the usual side by side; really careful not to have my eyes wonder down her ass. She caught me once looking down there, and thought it only happened by chance, the hurting she inflicted on me was injected unto my memory. Well actually, it wasn't that bad, physically I mean, but the public humiliations really did it for me. So from then on I settled to walking side by side, not behind her, reason already mentioned, and not in front of her because she would take it as an insinuation of superiority over her, something about me leading the way or something.

As we neared home Asuka suddenly sprinted off; she really was in a hurry to be in the safety of our casa. She was such in a hurry that I had to pick up the stuff she dropped along the way. I made my way from the elevator to our floor and from the end of the corridor I saw Asuka still standing on our doorstep. 'What she doing there?' I thought. 'Wasn't she in a hurry? What's she waiting for?'

"Hurry up idiot!" she called out to me. 'Oh yeah' I realized; I had the key, "Coming" I called back. I slid the key to its slot and turned it till I head the click of the lock opening. "Why are you in such a hurry anyway?" I asked her, but instead of answering me, she shoved her way into the apartment and went straight to her room. Her actions really puzzled me, after a moment of thought, I realized, 'this is Asuka I'm talking about, do I really need an explanation to the weird things she does?" satisfied with that I did the same and changed from my school clothes.

After putting on some old shirt and pants, I went out to the living room, I don't know why but stead of putting on my earplugs, that I usually do, I felt like going out of my room. As I stepped out I was surprised to see Asuka out too, and what surprised me even more was that she her gaze fell directly towards mine. I braced my self for the impending ass kicking or another ear-numbing scolding, but she surprised me even more. She just shied away; She shifted her gaze and shied away. That was strange since it usually was my fault when circumstances like these happen, even if it was her who was staring at me.

She must have felt that I was still staring at her because her faced flushed and she looked at me irritated "Why don't ya take a picture?" she sarcastically said "It'll last longer!" She caught me off guard with that, and I found myself lost in thought and words.

I said some incoherent syllables before I finally managed a "sorry", after which I just sat on the couch parallel to where Asuka was. Then out of the blue she says "You know that idiot jock friend of yours just confessed his feelings towards me and asked me out!" "Oh…" I managed to reply. That was the biggest surprise of all. 'Touji has a crush on Asuka? Well I should have known, he's been like a schoolboy pulling on his crush's hair every time she was near.' But despite the surprise and this uneasy feeling in me, I still was able to remain indifferent. "So… what did you say?"

~*~*~*~

"What do you care!" I screamed at him. "Hey, you brought it up" he replied. "So what!?" "So.." he said hesitantly "So what did you say?" "Hey I don't butt-in in your thing with that dull Ayanami bitch!" "Come on! No need to get personal, besides I thought you didn't mind me and her going out!" "I don't!" I screamed at him before getting up, grabbing my coat and walking out on him.

I walked around, not really going anywhere. It's just that I had to get out of there. I could not stand his stupid ass face any longer. That ass! I tell him huge news and he just sits there as if nothings happened. I was so irritated that I think that I just insulted a man back there for no reason and kicked a some kid's ball and had it soar right into tree, popping it. But I was so irritated that I had no idea what I was doing. I wonder why no one chased me away or had the cops arrest me. Must be because of my natural charms and beauty. Damn idiot didn't even see that!

I then found myself standing in front of a pay phone at the park. I have no idea when or when I ended up at the park, but as I stood there I thought that I ought to call someone and vent out. I took out the receiver and held it against my left ear. However as my hand was about to dial the number, it froze up. I found myself tapping on the phone while contemplating on who to call. Then a number came up.

"Hello" the familiar voice on the other line said "Hikari, its me" "Oh hey! What's up?" "Nothing, just needed someone to talk to…" "Something wrong?" "I'm just really pissed off right now." "You're going to vent out on me are you?" "Hey, you're my friend and that's what you're here for! So just listen up will you!" "Okay, okay, I'm here for you. So what blew your bubbles this time?" "I'm really, really pissed at idiot at home!!!" "What did Shinji do now?" "I swear Hikari, the boy is a living, breathing, waste of a human being!" "Calm down and tell me what happened" Taking a deep breath, I calmed down and slowly said to Hikari.

"I was sitting there telling him about idiot jock and how he just propositioned me…." "Touji asked you out!?!?" "Yeah, now that idiot Shinji just sits there with that blank stare on his face-" "So what d'ya say?" "Why do people always ask that?" "I think it's a normal response to your news." "Okay!" I said giving up "I said No, a resounding N. O." I firmly stated. "Whew.." I heard the other line sigh as if of relief, then I continued "I'd rather have my tonsils ripped out by a flying monkey and then have my throat scalded by acid before going out with that moron! What the hell was he thinking asking me!?" "What are you complaining about again?" Hikari asks "Haven't you been listening!?" I calmly say to her "Lets pause a sec and clear things out, Touji asked you out, and now you're complaining about Shinji? "What's you're point?" "My point is, is he more than a friend to you?" "What?!" "You know, are your feelings for him go beyond friendship?" "Of coarse NOT! Don't be freaking' ridiculous!" "Well if I'm being freaking ridiculous, why did you call me again?"

With that heard, I found myself dumbstruck. Staring out into nothing my mind began to wonder off, the time in the pay phone slowly ticking down to zero.

~*~*~*~

"Hello Asuka? Hello?" hmm… must have hung up on me. That is so much like her, hiding and pretending. Sometimes I really get fed up with it coz I know that she would be happier without the masks, yet she still insists on wearing them. I have been trying again and again, but I do not seem to get through to her. But then again, she is one of my dearest of friends and deep down I could never get mad at her, no matter how much she sometimes get to me, which are at times accidental and at other times due by mere insensitivity. Despite that however, I could never really get mad at her. Never.

I then remembered that I had a guest, "Sorry that I had to keep you waiting" I called out from the kitchen "No, no, I should be the one saying sorry, disturbing you and all.." "Nah, you're no trouble at all, would you like some juice or something?" "I'll have what you're having" I opened the fridge to see what I had in stock, and to my dismay it bore no beverage whatsoever. I then hastily began to rummage through the counters and closets finding anything to serve my guest. 'Dammit!' I thought, 'knew I should have gone for groceries' As I shuffle through, I clumsily knocked down some empty containers and a few canned foods. "OWWCH!" I scream out as a can of tomato sauce dropped right down on my foot "Everything okay?" he asked after hearing the noise from the kitchen, "I'm fine" I called back "Just umm…tripped" "You sure?" "Yeah" I answered as I limped around still in search for something to serve my guest. Then as I spot the champagne from the last time my parents spent the New Years at home. I wanted to save it for a special occasion but what the hell.

I walk to the living room, still limping, carrying two glasses and the wine. "Sorry for asking again, but you sure you're okay?" "Yeah, don't worry" "What happened in there?" "Nothing really, just tripped and this thing dropped to my foot" "Oh no! There's a lump, and it's turning blue! Here sit down and lemme get you some ice." "No, Touji, you're the guest here, I should be-" but before I could finish, he had already rushed to the kitchen and had opened the fridge taking out some ice "Hey, where do you keep the ice bag?" "…. It's in the drawer below the coffee machine." I say really embarrassed. "Found it!" Touji then emerges from the kitchen with the ice bag on his hand. He lifts my injured, places a throw pillow atop the center table and sets my foot there, after that he gently places the ice bag atop the injured region.

I could feel myself blush as he took care of my foot, my heart pounding, and my breathing difficult. I soon snapped out of my trance as he looked at me and smiled. "Let me take that…" he said pointing at the Champagne I was holding. He took the bottle and examined it after setting the two wineglasses on the table. "Isn't this, I mean, shouldn't you save this for some kind of occasion? Its just us see and I wouldn't want-" "No its fine, go ahead have some..." "Well, if you insist I guess..." He pours the bubbly drink into the two glasses and hands me one of them. "This is good!" he said after a sip "Thanks, glad you liked it.." I then felt an awkward silence as he was swirling the glass while contemplating on something. I stare at him waiting for the appropriate time to initiate conversation. Then I hold the glass with both hands, as if I was holding something delicate and fragile, and slowly take my first sip. It was good. As I let the smoothness and fizz of the drink savor in my mouth, memories of that day returned to me. That New Year's particularly stood out, since it was the last time the whole family was actually together. These days I would be lucky if I see my both my parents in the same room.

"Umm… sorry again for barging unexpectedly in here like this, because of me you wasted really good Champagne..." "Don't worry, it's never a waste if you share it with a friend." "Thanks… You know I usually turn to Kensuke or Shinji for…stuff, but this… I couldn't … and you're the only friend I could turn to…" "This is about Asuka isn't it?" "Wha? How did-" "She was the one who just called" "Oh… I should leave it wouldn't be fair. She is your best friend after all…" "No, stay" I call out, grabbing his shirt as he was about to leave. "Stay, you're my friend too." He hesitates, looks at me for a second, unsure what to do, then decides to sit down. "Thanks…" "No need to thank me, that's what friends are for." "But she's you're friend too, I wouldn't want you to take sides of something…" "I won't, think of me as uh… wait lemme think about it, uh… hell, scratch that, you're both my friends and that's that. So tell me what happened".

I felt a queasy uneasiness deep inside of me. Some how this bothered me, no it hurts me that Touji has feeling for Asuka, but I put on a brave face as Touji began to narrate the events that transpired.

~*~*~*~

I swirled the champagne in my hand as I recalled what happened today. I know that I have to be careful and choose my words carefully because it is Hikari I am talking to hear and the subject is her best friend. I look at her trying hard to remain calm, and although I am past the stage of anger and am at this time at the stage of self pity and gloom, I feel my self revert back to anger as I recalled what happened. But I took control of it and calmly began. I opened my mouth to say the words I chose carefully.

"The bitch dumped me! Humiliated me! Then insulted me!" I suddenly blurted out "What!?" she replied shocked, I was shocked too at the words that left my mouth. I didn't realize that much anguish was in me because of the dumping. "Sorry about that…" I said as I calm myself down. "What happened exactly?" I took a deep breath then started. "It was after class, I had finally mustered enough courage to approach her…"

I was sitting as usual leaning back with my head rested on my hands. I watched every get up and leave the room. Kensuke then yells out "See you at the arcade?" I waved my hand at him "yeah, yeah" uninterestingly. I watched Asuka get ready to leave screaming at Shinji to hurry up, Shinji then says to her to wait for him outside the gates, he said he had some business to attend to or something. She was fuming at that time yelling out her suspicion that it had something to do with Ayanami again. Shinji just smiles it off and tells her that he won't be long. I had thought at first that there was something going on between the two of them, but after her public speech about that happening being impossible, I felt hope. I waited until it was just her and me then I approached her. "Hey Asuka." "What now idiot?!" "Um… You free Saturday?" "Why?" "Well, just thought that um… we could um… go see a movie or something…" She then falls silent, bowing her head as if she were thinking about something. I felt the tension in my nerves building up, the anticipation fuelling my body with adrenaline. At the back of my mine I thought that I had it in the bag, her silence must be because she was shocked was feeling nervous. Flashbacks on movies I've seen came to me. The scenes where the hero confesses his feelings to the heroine and then the heroine would fall silent and then would suddenly burst into tears crying out 'I thought you'd never ask!' I snap back into reality and gently laid my hand in on her shoulder. Then she suddenly looked up to me her face in near tears but the expression on her face was not of happiness but of rage. "GET YOUR FILTY HANDS OFF ME YOU IDIOT!!!" I was caught by surprise by this sudden outburst and was starting to back off fearfully. Students in the hallway began to flock in, curious about what was happening. "WHY THE HELL WOULD I GO OUT WITH A STUPID JOCK LIKE YOU!? I'D RATHER DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH THAN TO EVEN BE SEEN WITH A PERVERT LIKE YOU!!!" she yelled out. The gathered crowd began to echo with ohh's and ahh's as well the word 'busted', not to mention the laughter that served as the background of it all. My face red with embarrassment, I headed out, the crowd mocking me, guys saying that I was so stupid to stick my neck out like that. I could not stand the looks the people were giving me, I just had to get out of there.

"And before I knew it was standing in front of your house…I really thought we had something…" I said, my state of self pity and gloom returning. "All those times we fought… thought I felt a kind of mutual attraction. I was so stupid to think that there was some kind of… sexual tension between us…" I said blushing. "Don't think about it" she says trying to comfort me. "She doesn't know what she wants and although deep down she does, the constant denial is really straining her. That is probably why she's the way she is these days… Plus you did catch her at a really bad time." "So I should try again when she's calmer?" a hoping inside me asked. "Well… I'd advice you not to do it again…" "But you said that she was in denial" "Yes, I did" she replied with her face looking away. Then what she meant I hit me. I then finished what remained of my drink and stood up. "Thanks Hikari…" She then tried to stand up as well, only to be reminded of the injury of her foot. "You shouldn't be moving around much, let the pain subside a little… Well I'll be going now…Thanks again" "Yeah, sorry I couldn't walk you to the door" "Nah, no need for that…"I replied.

I walked to the door and waved good bye to her. As I did I felt really thankful to her, cause somehow I felt that our talk was hard on her, but she did it anyway. I closed the door feeling a bit better, finally accepting the fact that I was dumped and headed for the arcade.

~*~*~*~

Okay, now wait for it; wait for it… now! Die you scum Die! Ha, Ha, Ha! I am invisible! Man I'm good! Another game topped! "Hey Touji over here!" I call out as I spot him going in. "Where you been man?" "Someplace…" "Okay… Oh by the way did you hear? Some sap just asked Asuka out! Ha! Ha! Ha! Poor boy got humiliated! He should have known better than ask out a demon. Ha! Ha! Ha!" "Yeah… should have known better…" "Man, you okay?" "Yeah, its nothing…"he replied.

I notice that something bothering the guy, he seems to be desolate or something. I couldn't be all sympathetic and stuff on him, it wouldn't be my style, so I did the next best thing… tease him. "Hey, whatsa matter? Failing Math, Science, history, and Literature again?" "Wha? No!" "You really ought to pass a subject other than PE you know." "Shut up!" "Hmm… I know that your sister just got released form the hospital, so it couldn't be that… You're having some girl trouble?" "What!?" "You dog!" "What the hell are you talking about!!" he replied trying to hide the blush on his face by turning away. Touji does not blush! So I must have hit something there. "Is it Hikari?" "What??" "You know I knew that there was something going on between you two!" Touji then looks at me surprised. "You can't fool me! Come on, the free lunches, the tutoring, and all that other stuff." "Hey don't put malice on what the two of us have!" "Come on! A gal would never do those things for a friend!" "Yes they would, true friends would!" "Then why does she not make me lunch huh?" "Big deal, Shinji makes lunch for Asuka" "They live together, plus the demon probably stuck a knife on his side and forced him to" he argued "Man you're so dense!" "Shut up!" "Whatever! Let's just challenge those guys over there!" I pointed at the guys playing a popular fps. I hate those guys! Jerks thing they're better than us just coz they're a year older, we'll show them!

"You guys challenging us?" "Ha! Ha! Kid must be delusional or something!" they said. I was really boiling up inside as those jerks' laughter resonated around the arcade. "Come back ten years from now! Maybe then we'd even consider thinking about it!! Ha! Ha! Ha!" the leader of the gang mockingly said, "What you scared that us two kids would beat up your asses?" I countered. "Oh yeah pipsqueak! We'll see about that!" "And how bout making things a little interesting?" "What do you mean?" I asked. "If we win asides from paying, you would owe us ¥100,000 each!" I felt some what startled by this. ¥100,000 each? There's five of them so we would have to pay up ¥500,000? I look at Touji and asked "That okay bud?" but he seemed distracted, "hey? That okay bud" I repeated "Yeah sure" he answered. I doubt that he knows the question but hey if he did he might say no. "Yeah okay" I say to them "But if you lose you'd be paying us ¥250,000 each since there's only two of us and five of you." "What!?" a subordinate complained "Yeah sure whatever, losers!" the leader calmly said as he insured his comrade telling him that it was a win-win situation. Then suddenly Touji turns and heads for the door, "Hey where you going!" "Sorry, but I forgot to do something" "Can't it wait?" "Sorry!" he said as he rushed off. I chased after him but by the time I reached the door he was long gone. "Well, well, it seems your partner wimped out on ya!" one of them said "So why don't ya just give us our money and save some time…" "Yeah, coz now you'll either lose by default or by the fact that the five of us are gonna cream your ass!" "No, wait!" I said to them, then as luck would have it, I spot Kawrou Nagisa walking across the street. "Hey! Kawrou! Kawrou!" I called as I went out to catch up with him. "Hey" "Kawrou, need a favor" I said gasping for air. "Come with me" "Where we going?" "Just the arcade." So I went in, dragging an unsuspecting Kawrou along. "Got myself a new partner" I say to the gang, "So what are you waiting for shrimp? Let's get this started!" "What's going on?" Kawrou asks, "Where just gonna be playing a game, know haw to play Counter Strike?" "Dunno, never played it before" oh shit, were gonna be slaughtered! "What taking so long! Get in your capsule already!" the gang leader called out.

Five hours past and I am laughing my ass off. Who would have thought that a calm and easygoing guy like Kawrou could be a trigger happy whiz at shoot em ups! "Here Kawrou." I said as I handed him his share of the winnings "What's this?" he asks "uh… a gift from the guys…" "Hey thanks guys!" he called out to the foes I have just vanquished with the help of my ringer. The gang leader gave Kawrou a sad wave as his troops wept. "what' up with them?" "They just don't take losing too well…" "Oh… okay…" "Hey wanna join me in the tournament next week?" "well…" "with you by my side we'd be a sure win!" "uh… lemme think about it" "Yeah, okay see you here tomorrow for another game?" "Yeah, sure"

~*~*~*~

I notice that something's bothering the guy, he seems to be desolate or something. I couldn't be all sympathetic and stuff on him, it wouldn't be my style, so I did the next best thing… tease him. "Hey, whatsa matter? Failing Math, Science, history, and Literature again?" "Wha? No!" "You really ought to pass a subject other than PE you know." "Shut up!" "Hmm… I know that your sister just got released form the hospital, so it couldn't be that… You're having some girl trouble?" "What!?" "You dog!" "What the hell are you talking about!!" he replied trying to hide the blush on his face by turning away. Touji does not blush! So I must have hit something there. "Is it Hikari?" "What??" "You know I knew that there was something going on between you two!" Touji then looks at me surprised. "You can't fool me! Come on, the free lunches, the tutoring, and all that other stuff." "Hey don't put malice on what the two of us have!" "Come on! A gal would never do those things for a friend!" "Yes they would, true friends would!" "Then why does she not make me lunch huh?" "Big deal, Shinji makes lunch for Asuka" "They live together, plus the demon probably stuck a knife on his side and forced him to" he argued "Man you're so dense!" "Shut up!" "Whatever! Let's just challenge those guys over there!" I pointed at the guys playing a popular fps. I hate those guys! Jerks thing they're better than us just coz they're a year older, we'll show them!

"You guys? Challenging us?" "Ha! Ha! Kid must be delusional or something!" "Or Retarded!" "Ha! Ha! Ha!" they said laughing. I was really boiling up inside as those jerks' laughter resonated around the arcade. "Come back ten years from now! Maybe then we'd even consider thinking about it!! Ha! Ha! Ha!" the leader of the gang mockingly said, "What you scared that us two kids would beat up your asses?" I countered. "Oh yeah pipsqueak! We'll see about that!" "And how bout making things a little interesting?" "What do you mean?" I asked. "If we win asides from paying, you would owe us ¥100,000 each!" I felt some what startled by this. ¥100,000 each? There's five of them so we would have to pay up ¥500,000? I look at Touji and asked "That okay bud?" but he seemed distracted, "hey? That okay bud" I repeated "Yeah sure" he answered. I doubt that he knows the question but hey if he did he might say no. "Yeah okay" I say to them "But if you lose you'd be paying us ¥250,000 each since there's only two of us and five of you." "What!?" a subordinate complained "Yeah sure whatever, losers!" the leader calmly said as he insured his comrade telling him that it was a win-win situation. Then suddenly Touji turns and heads for the door, "Hey where you going!" "Sorry, but I forgot to do something" "Can't it wait?" "Sorry!" he said as he rushed off. I chased after him but by the time I reached the door he was long gone. "Well, well, it seems your partner wimped out on ya!" one of them said "So why don't ya just give us our money and save some time…" "Yeah, coz now you'll either lose by default or by the fact that the five of us are gonna cream your ass!" "No, wait!" I said to them, then as luck would have it, I spot Kawrou Nagisa walking across the street. "Hey! Kawrou! Kawrou!" I called as I went out to catch up with him. "Hey" "Kawrou, need a favor" I said gasping for air. "Come with me" "Where we going?" "Just the arcade." So I went in, dragging an unsuspecting Kawrou along. "Got myself a new partner" I say to the gang, "So what are you waiting for shrimp? Let's get this started!" "What's going on?" Kawrou asks, "Where just gonna be playing a game, know haw to play Counter Strike?" "Dunno, never played it before" oh shit, were gonna be slaughtered! "What taking so long! Get in your capsule already!" the gang leader called out.

~*~*~*~

I pocketed the money given to me by Kensuke as we went out separate ways. I figured that it was from some wager that went on under my nose, but despite knowing this, I kept my lips zipped. Better that way. Besides I think that the guy meant well, maybe I should join him at that tournament.

I walked down the road, the sun setting before me. Its rays blinded me as I descended down the steep sidewalk. To keep the glare from stinging my eyes, I stoop my head and kept my eyes glued to the cement road instead. This is really quite ironic because here I am standing in front of one beautiful sight that is often photographed or painted, and here I am with the real thing shinning down on me and I can't look at it.

I smiled as I thought of the irony but was cut short when a squeaking sound disrupted my thoughts. I realize that I now stand next to the playground, and on the swing was a girl. She looks familiar, but I could hardly make out a face with the sun glaring down at me. I shield my eyes with a hand as I walked towards her. Each step I took disturbed the dirt ground, and with a sudden gust of wind, I found myself enveloped by a cloud of dust. As the cloud slowly dispersed I find her looking at me, as if she had sensed my presence and knew I was standing there all along, though I had made certain that I walk towards her as silently as I can. I then smiled and greeted her.

"Hello Ayanami…" "Hello…" she responds to me in a weak and emotionless voice. Though this response from her was the usual, the way her eyes spoke made me know that something was troubling her. I stood there for a while contemplating whether to leave or to take the seat next to her. What the hell, I'm here so I might as well. I sat down the swing and with a kick swung slowly before finally slowing to a stop. I leaned my elbow down my knees and looked at Ayanami who seems to be staring out into space.

"What's troubling you?" I ask her "Nothing…" she responded without looking. "You know I just had a thought…" I started again, but she seemed disinterested with what I had to say, I smiled and then continued. "Beautiful things have certain quirks that prohibits us from entirely appreciating its beauty" "What do you mean?" she asked me while still staring out into nothing. "Well, like take the rose for instance… the thorns makes us think twice before touching it, and the sun set…. That as I had just realize glares the eyes and prevents you from seeing it fully" "…Sunset don't glare the eyes…" "You sure? Coz I was just-" "What is the point of this?" she interrupts "Well I'm saying that though you stand before something beautiful, you don't always see it." "Are you saying that I am beautiful?" she asks as she finally breaks her stare and looks at me. A faint blush crept into her face as she looks at me awaiting an answer. "Well, that's not what I had in mind but, yeah, sure you are Ayanami…" "I see…" she says returning her gaze to empty space. "What is troubling you Ayanami?" I ask again "It is none of your business…" "Well I want to know, so I am making it my business…" "Why do you wish to meddle in my affairs?" she asks me sternly "Why not?" I respond back. Ayanami then falls silent, she is probably starting to just ignore me. I got up walked towards the front of her and took a seat at the ground. I block her gaze with my own and said "Forgive me Ayanami, perhaps I was too insistent. I do not wish to meddle in you affairs, but perhaps you may share it with me so as I might be of some help…" I stare at her eyes which clearly show that she is debating within herself on whether or not to confine in me. She then drops her gaze and falls silent for a while.

"There are some uncertainties and anxieties that bother me at the moment…" she started "What of them?" "Of feeling, of emotion…" "Of what?" "Of whether or not these emotions, these feeling would be equally reciprocated…" Okay, now I won't pressure you into revealing the identity of-" "Ikari" "Okay… So you fear that Ikari would not reciprocate your feelings… Why?" "I fear that he may have some part of it dedicated to another…" "What makes you say that?" "I sense it…" …To who if I may ask…" "Sohryu" "You know Ayanami, Ikari and Sohryu have long been friends, besides that the two share quarters with their guardian. I believe that a bond would naturally grow, however I do not think that it would be one that should trouble you. Besides If I recall correctly, Sohryu declared publicly that she had no interest on Ikari in that sense." "….But I doubt her sincerity at that." "You doubt? So no proof for this allegation is at hand is there? So why-" "because I sense it…" "To intuition does this all now fall into? Besides suppose you are right, what she feels should not impede on what you feel." "But it is also of what he feels that troubles me…" "You my friend are placing distrust on a relation that has barely begun." "That is what troubles me…" "Ikari is my friend, he would never hurt you. Believe me…"

~*~*~*~

I do not believe you. However I found myself going off to where Ikari had set for us because of what Nagisa said after "Besides what you feel should be important to you and not the feeling of others. Live your life for you, only then would you be truly happy." And as these words echoed in my mind the will to fight or at least try invigorated me.

I arrived it my apartment with only an hour to spare before our meeting. I know that I must hurry, to be late would be a sign of disrespect. I started to strip off my clothes as soon as I closed the door, leaving a trailing of it towards the shower, then I started to shower though I still wore my under garments. I stripped off my wet brassiere and tossed it out, not caring where it landed, and I did the same to my underwear. As I finally stood there stark naked, I closed my eyes leaned my head back and allowed the warm droplets of water to massage my face and slowly glide down my body. A sensation of utter relaxation caressed my body and there I stood, still and in a state near sleep yet of conscious mind. I then recover moments later. For how long I have been standing there, I have no idea. So I quickly lathered my body with soap and just as quickly washed it off. I then searched for the shampoo but was unable to spot the item. Only then did I realize that I had used it up this morning, so I turned off the shower and got out. With my body still dripping wet I head towards the cupboard where I had stashed an extra bottle of shampoo. I take it out and began to shampoo right at the sink and rinsed it off there as well. I exit the bathroom and searched for a towel, I take one out of the cabinet, dried myself, and wrapped it around my body. I then wondered how much time I had left and began to search for my watch. I search the tabletop, which had been where I usually set my timepiece down; it was however missing from that spot. I then recall that I had been in such a hurry to shower and began to search the trail of clothes. I sighed in relief as I find it underneath my blouse, but was shocked when I realized that I had only 10 minutes left. I quickly ran to the cabinet and took out the dress that I had purchased at that time Misato and Asuka took me shopping. Though I hesitated back then because I figured that I had no use for such a thing. Misato was however persistent and encourage me into buying it not only because it looked good in me and may come in handy for an occasion someday but because it was half priced then. I am now relieved that I had purchased the dress because today came in such a surprise that without it I may be going out wearing my uniform since it was what my wardrobe plainly consisted of. I zip up my black dress but was only able to do so half way, but I was in such a hurry that I ignored it for the moment and just proceeded to drying and brushing my hair. With that done I grab the purple purse that came with the dress and placed in it my wallet, after which I hastily ran towards the door. However I stopped as I passed by the mirror and looked at my self, I wondered if the tight black dress with the purple jacket indeed suited me. I stood there wondering for a while as I straightened out the dress and the accompanying jacket. Then I realize that I had no shoes on. So I quickly recovered the shoes that I had bought with the dress beside the cabinet. As I placed it on I spot the perfume, the powdering kit, and the lipstick that I had also purchased that day. I reach out to them but hesitated half way before finally deciding to put them on. I puckered my lips up and slowly ran it across casting my lips into a brilliant scarlet tone. I sprayed some of the scent on and the powdered face as well. Placing the three items into my purse, I one again headed for the door. I looked at my watch as I locked my apartment to find that it was time. I'm already late! Oh no! I've never been late, at anything! I ran as fast as I could thankful that the climate was somewhat chilly, since I would be sweating like a pig otherwise.

I spot Ikari sitting underneath the clock post amongst others who are probably waiting there too. I realize that I had been 20 minutes late as I see the time at the clock. "Sorry I'm late…" I say as I had my hands on my knees catching my breath. "Don't worry bout it. I wasn't waiting long. Besides compared to how long Asuka makes me wait, this is nothing" he says in a cheerful voice. I felt a pang as he mentioned her name, but hid my displeasure by pretending to still catch my breath. "Anyway, seeing how pretty you are now makes the wait worth it…" Hearing him say that made my face heat up and my heart pound as if I were still running. I look up to see that he had a faint blush in his face, which he tries to hide by looking away. "You good yourself, Ikari…" I say as I had a look at the blue polo shirt and dark pants, which I obviously notice, are new. I notice him scratch his head and look away after I had commented on him."…Oh by the way, these are for you…" he says as he reached for a bouquet of roses beside the seat he had previously occupied and gave them to me. I accepted his present and took a whiff as he once again reached down to retrieve his jacket. I smiled at him as my cheeks once again felt flush and gently said "Thank you…"

"What are you looking at Ikari?" I ask him. We are at the middle of dinner and I notice that he is just sitting there watching me. "Is there something on my face?" I asked wondering why he had been doing so; here, at the movies, and even while we had been walking. "No! Uh… it's nothing!" he replied nervously before gulping down his meal. I watch him eagerly feast for a while before resuming on my own, but before I could take a bite, his hastiness caused him to choke on his meal. "Here! Wash it down with this!" I say as I hand him my cup of wine. He quickly poured it down his throat; it was however lacking so I poured him another glass full. "Thanks… you saved me!" "No I did not…" "Yes you did! If you had not had acted quickly, I may have choked to death!" I smile at him and once again resumed on my dinner. Minutes pass and I realize that it had been terribly silent after the scene that had happened. I see that he is finishing up on his dinner while I just sat there not knowing what to do ever since I had finished my meal. "Am I boring you?" I asked feeling awfully worried that I am. "No! Of course not!" "Then does not this silence bother you?" "Well, I feel really comfortable with you, that is why…" "Or perhaps you I bear no interest worth of discussion…" I thought out loud. When I realize that I had indeed spoken out loud, I felt embarrassed and sadden at the same time. Ikari then held my chin with his forefinger, holding my face up to meet his stare "Sorry, if I made you think that… That is and never will be true, it's just that I'm nervous and I really don't know what to say…" He pulled back his hand as he sees me smile once more. The boldness had somewhat shocked me at first, I however guilty as the pleasure may be, I was glad that the alcohol started to take effect. Ikari then began to once again stare at me after he had finished his meal. He seems to be content in doing so, smiling as he followed my every move. The attention may be flattering, it however felt uneasy to be sitting there silent. "Uh… Ikari…" I say initiating the conversation, although it was not like me to do so "Yes?" he replied. I sat there pondering upon a subject, then out of the blue, or perhaps caused by anxiety, I asked, "…Why did you ask me to dinner?" "Uh… because I like you and I just wanted to get to know you better" he replied blushing "Or at least get to stare at you all night." he added humorously. His remark made me feel all tingly, but then I was not satisfied with it. "I mean… why me Ikari?"

Underneath the night sky, Ikari and me had a walk. The silence between us is starting to get really comfortable, just like as he had said. Though no words were exchanged much, just being in the presence of each other had somehow fused a bond between us. We walked there underneath the moonlight and as the night breeze blew, my arms somehow found its way into his. "Here you must be cold…" Ikari then takes his jacket and gently places it on me. I tug it closer to my body and as I did I was able to breathe his scent in. I close my eyes and inhaled deeply, taking in the soothing night scent, Ikari's presence, and just about everything that relates to this moment. I wanted to remember this night forever, this feeling, this wonderful night, I wish that I could freeze this moment so that it would last forever. Ikari then takes held of both my arms; I was shocked out of my reverie and awoke to his gaze that seemed to pierce right into my soul. "I've been thinking about it, thinking for the perfect answer, and as I thought I realized this. I chose you because being with you is the closest to heaven as I've ever been…" Hearing him say those words froze me, my heartbeat raced and every muscle in my body felt molten. Then as the moon slowly retreated to the sanctity of the nights dark clouds leaving us in the shadows, he drew closer and closer to me, and there I was showing no resistance and instead felt the impatience to what seems to be an eternity. Then as I was waiting there with my eyes closed, I felt something cold dropping down my lips, then to my forehead, then out of the blue the sky poured. Ikari led me by the hand as he scampered for cover. Then completely soaked, we took solace in a small abandoned chapel.

With the cool rainfall resonating in the background, Ikari and me sat inside the old chapel, staring out into nature as it bathed. A cold air now replaced the chilly breeze of before, which was made worse by the dripping wet clothes we had on. "Come, sit closer to me… that way we could keep each other warm." So I did and Ikari then took me in his arms and began to rub my freezing arms. As he said, it did felt warmer, and with the tremors I felt inside, I no longer noticed the cold at all.

"What you said earlier… is it true?" I asked, "Yes… every word of it…" "What about Sohryu?" "What about her?" "I sense that you have feelings for her…" I replied apprehensively. "…She has been one of my oldest, closest and dearest friends, I would be lying if I said that I did not. But don't you think it would only natural to feel that way?" "… But these feeling do they only stay in the context of friendship?" He falls silent, with each second that he remained silent, I felt more and more fearful. "… For a time I thought that it does go beyond, in some level it still does… but believe me it changes nothing of what I feel for you." Hearing this felt like a bullet shot straight into my guts, my stomach churned as my eyes slowly watered. I could not bear to look at him, so I moved away as I turned and covered my eyes. "Please!" he begged as reached for me, however though he firmly held me by the arms, I could not look at him. "At this moment, this very moment. If I had to choose between you and her, I would choose you in a heartbeat! Please believe me, each and every word I say to you is true, and the feelings I have is genuine, please believe me!" I slowly looked into his eyes and saw in them the warmth that is distinctively his, with it close to tears; he drew me into a tight embrace. As Ikari embraced me with a passion I had never felt, I thought back to Nagisa words. And with that in mind, I decided to fight for his affection, to win his heart, the whole of it.

I grabbed his collar and pulled him into a deep kiss, pressing my lips forcibly against his. Though wavering at first, he soon returned the gesture with an unambiguous desire, pressing against mine as I had him. I split his lips open; the savor the alcohol as it flowed into me while my tongue swirled with his. I experienced a strong sense of guilt, as I tasted the liquor in his mouth "Wait… No, I'm sorry, this isn't right… you're drunk and I'm taking advantage of it… and you… I'm sorry…" I say to him pushing him away as hid my face and the tears forming in my eyes. "No…" he says as he drew me like before "I've never thought clearer in my life… I want this… and I want you." Slowly he slid his jacket off of me taking down with it the jacket I had on as well leaving the soaked dress I wore. The thin tight material revealed much of my shape, and with much moisture it stuck into my skin manifesting an illusion of the cloth being part of my body. His eyes traveled from the bottom, up before pulled me into a close embrace. And it was I this time who wavered as he induced me into a lip-lock while his hands naughtily roamed. As his passion grew, my anxiety faded; and soon enough I too got into the act, responding to his advances with much enthusiasm. My hands then too roamed across his before settling on his back. Now that I had found the leverage I needed, I pushed myself into his embrace drawing him even closer to me, and as I did so I felt him go hard against my torso, this was alarming me a bit. Then after a deep breath I linked my lips with his once more, drawing enough space just to be able to undo the buttons. With the last button undone, I break away and sat up then gently removed his shirt and tossed it away. Then with a playful push I managed to make him lie flat on the floor before mounting him, pushing down on him hard. And as my kisses traveled down his neck, his hands groped all around my dress before easily taking care of the zipper that I as I now remember I had left half closed. I idly peeled the water and sweat soaked garment off, timely stopping to see the wild reaction printed on his face. I stopped as it reached my waist and lay flat on his body, showering him again with kisses as I pushed down his pants with my feet. Ikari position it so that it would no go against motion of what I was doing, then kicking off his shoes as well as the garment I was ridding of. And to finish it off, I unbuckled the upper part of what remain of the clothing between us while Ikari slid the dress and the final covering I had on. Though distracted by the silky feel of the garment at first, he snapped out of it when I snatched it off his hands and set the two pieces aside. I resumed the activity anew by showering him with kisses as before, as the heat of the unopposed contact between us offered a whole new sensation, his sexuality rubbing steadily on mine heightened the sensation. Upping the stakes, I spread myself opened and pushed him into me, slowly, steadily. He moaned in pleasure as I felt like my skin being ripped opened. In one swift motion, deciding to get on with it quickly, I pushed him in, breaking into me quickly. I felt the warmness of the blood as dripped down my skin, he became distressed as he too felt it drip down his lions; so I shushed him with a gentle touch to his lips before intimately beginning my stride. I soon felt a fire build between my groins, a burning sensation I had never felt, and with a domineering push I felt a strong release causing me arch my back and throwing my head back. I fell down hard on top of him after the discharge, though nearing exhaustion, I continued with my stride. Then in an abrupt movement, Ikari altered the placement and situated himself this time in the position of dominance. I felt energized once more as he vigorously went inside and out, moaning in delight with every thrust. As the fire in between begun to build once more, I cried out his name in time of his essence's liberation; and with his warmth sweeping up my walls I gave out and felt the electricity of before jolt my senses while my fluids leak down with his. And with exhaustion finally setting in, we drowsed off as the sky cleared and the last drop of rain touched the earth.

I opened my eyes to the sight of a sleeping Ikari merely inches from me, and as I stirred he sluggish awoke and greeted me with a smile and a kiss. With the realization of our nakedness I remember the vents that had happened and a mixture of emotion filled me. "What's wrong… you don't regret last night do you?" He asked worriedly, truth be told what I worry is that HE may be the one who regrets it "Ikari…Do you?" I ask with a trembling voice that I thought I never had. "No, it was the best night of my life…" "That's good to hear…." I replied in a mixture of relief and joy. "And-" he added "call me Shinji, after last night it would only be right that we go by the first name basis don't you think?" "Of course… and Shinji…."I say, feeling how good the name felt as I spoke it "Yes?" "…Get dressed before you catch a cold!" "Ha, ha, yeah you too…" he replied giving me a gentle peck at the lips before getting up and gathering the scattered bundles of clothing.

We emerged from the chapel to greet the sun as it rose; I stopped and breathed the fresh morning air in. The birds chirped their songs as I took in the beautiful sight of nature while the suns early rays caressed my face refreshing me. As I open my eyes I see that Shinji had been watching me with a dreamily. "It's so beautiful here isn't it?" I say stretching the sleep of my arms and legs "Yes… it sure is…" he replied still watching me with that dreamy look. "Let's go." I say as I locked my arms with his and pulled him along. Today really was a beautiful day. Somehow, I the air felt very comfortable and the sky was clearer. The soft grass seemed to massage my feet with every step I took and it all was so because of him. "Wait here…" Shinji suddenly says as we reached the main road, "Huh?" I wondered as I see him run off to the other side of the road. He then headed to the wild flower patch located there and emerged moments later holding a crown of flowers. From here I see just how pretty it was and what fascinated me more was that he made it in less than 3 minutes. Then as he was walking halfway across the street I hear a tire screech and see in its direction a truck scudding out of control. I watched in horror as the huge metal narrowed closer and closer to him. Then, instinctively I rushed to his aid, with no thoughts other than the danger Shinji was in. With a push I see him fall out of harms way, I blissfully smile knowing that I had saved him before coming face to face with death.

~*~*~*~

"REI! No!!!"

I struggled to get on my feet but the shaking on my knees made me trip twice before I was even able to get up. I searched for her with a fear that seemed to be crushing my chest, running towards her frantically as I finally spot her form. I see her bloody and wounded, lying at the middle of the road. She opened her eyes as I caress her checks clearing her face of the blood and dirt that covered it. "Sh-hinji…" she spoke weakly, "Yes Rei I'm here…" "Thank god you're okay…" "Silly girl…." I softly spoke as tears began to flow freely down my eyes. "I'm sorry Shinji…I'm sorry that out time is cut short…" "Hush now… save you strength…" I say as I continued to feel her soft skin, my heart hurting at the pain I see in her. "I'm so sorry…." "Please Rei, We have all the time in the world!" "No… I feel that our time will soon end…" "NO! DO NOT SAY THAT! Please Rei, fight it! Live! Please! Please live… For me… " "I'm sorry…" "No! No! I can't go on, not after this… Please don't give up on me… Listen I'm gonna take you to the hospital and it will all be better… Then we can live our life just life last night!" "That would be lovely…."

"Hey, dude… I just called the ambulance They'll be here any sec, Gonna go down the road and wait for them there…" the truck driver suddenly interrupted before running down the road. A rage burned as I see him rush down the road, my fist curled painfully and anger filled my eyes as I slowly made my way up, planning to go kill the man who did this. "Shinji…. Stay with me…" my rage slowly died as I heard her weak voice, the will to take revenge was lost as I again lost myself in her eyes. Then as I stared at her ravishing eyes that despite the pain she was in, still seemed to retain its sparkle. I hurts me to see her this way and as my tears continued to flow I realized that only one is to blame for this. "THIS IS ALL MY FAULT! I should have moved quickly, jumped to the side, or something!" "No, Shinji… Don't pin this on you… It was an accident and what happened could not have happened another way…" "… I won't blame myself…If you go out with me again… how's Saturday?" I ask her jokingly reply. She gave me a slight giggle and a smile that melted my aching heart then her face became distressed and downhearted "The one thing I would want is to spend that Saturday with you, and all the day's after that… But I can't…" she begins to cry as she reached out to wipe the tears off my face. "But promise me…" she continued "Go on with a happy life… live it for me… " with those last words she slowly drifted off. Not knowing if she had died or fell asleep, I assumed the worse and with a burst of emotions lifted her into my arms, weeping as I kept calling her name.

Five months have passed and I had lived it dejected and alone. And I had been this way since the day the doctor came out of the E.R. and informed me of Rei's passing. And what pains me even more was that her body had been mistakenly cremated. It hurts me that I was not able to see her even for the very last time…It hurts that I never will again. Misato took charge and filed a lawsuit against the Hospital for their mistake, but I see that futile and worthless, even if we win that, nothing will change. She will still be missing from my life. A lot has changed these months, asides from me becoming a cast off shunning the world. Touji and Hikari had now also become somewhat of an item; this however came at a cost. Though Hikari is all gentle and kind, she does have the tendency to become jealous. She had Touji keep his distance from Asuka and in the process kept hers as well. And the two best friends slowly grew apart with Asuka finding a new circle of friends and Hikari spending much time with Touji. Kensuke and Kawrou went and joined some kind of tournament and won gold, they have become a local celebrities especially after winning in some kind of world competition. Asuka no longer lives with us. It all started when one day we got into a fight, she wanted me to get on with my life, and at the heat of the moment harsh words were exchanged. She moved out the next day. Though it had not been the first time she pushed me day after into forgetting about Rei, the last quarrel must have really hurt her. I see her now and again at school, but every time she does she flees. And I have an inkling that she has been avoiding me, which she is getting good at considering that I barely see her though we are at the same class. I had wanted to apologize to her, but the coward in me rendered me helpless. Then one night I dreamt of her again. But this time it was different, Rei was very disappointed with me. "Why do you hide from the world?" she asked "I…. I just don't see it the same since you left… " I replied. "Please take a good look, and see it as it truly is…" she then started to fade away before my very eyes. I reached out to her, longing to feel her once more, but I fall helpless feeling only air. I the fall on my knees and wept as I always do, then suddenly there came a bright light and as my eyes adjusted I found myself watching myself sob. I felt disgusted as I watched my pitiful self cry there. Then Asuka walks in, and tells me to get over it. Then she goes in again telling me to go and help her shop, then asks me to taste the soup she had just made. And she goes on doing so for weeks, never missing a day, coming in with all different reasons, but I reject her time and time again. Until finally I see the day of the fight. As it finally quieted, I find myself in the dark once more and this time with a sudden insight. Asuka had been, in her own way, trying lift my spirit. And now felt even infuriated myself more by the way I had treated her. I wake up upon the sound of my alarm with the decision to right my wrong today.

"Asuka wait!" I cry out as I spot her leaving after class. She saw me but chose to ignore me, turning her back on me and walked away. I race after her, not giving up, but as I was about to catch up four of her girlfriends stopped me. "Stop right there Ikari!" one of them said "She does not want to talk to you so just leave okay?" Still not giving up I cut right through them and caught up with her. "Please wait…" I beg her "What do you want!" she angrily said as she removed the grip I had on her hands. "Please I wanna talk…" "Why!?" " Please… just five minutes…" She then looks at me then signals her friends to go on. "You got three…" she said crossed her arms and waited "Well first I want to apologize for the last few months, I' really sorry Asuka…." "Fine… Bye!" "No wait, I was wondering if we could be friends again and maybe I could treat you to dinner tonight? It's a Friday so we--" "No No! NO! I am not going to be a rebound for Ayanami! Fuck you for even thinking you could do this to me!" she said before turning her back and walking away again. "No wait, wait" I caught up with her and see that she had been crying. "What the hell do you want now!?" "Asuka… You're wrong, You're not the rebound… listen ever since my mother died, there had only been two women that I truly loved. Well three if you count Misato, but she's more of a mom to me." "What's your point!?" "My point is that I when one of these two died, I foolishly chased the other away…And I regret have regretted it ever since… I missed you Asuka…" With that said Asuka turns her back once more, but this time she just stood there. I gently held her shoulder as reach into my pocket and hand her my handkerchief. "So what do you say?" I asked. Asuka then takes it and I then comforted her as she wiped her tears away and blew her nose, enclosing her in an embrace as I lightly patted her back. She then looked up to me with those tearful eyes and gave me the answer that I had always wanted to hear.

~*~END~*~

A/N: Correct me if my portrayal of the female psyche is wrong (to female readers only, what do we guys really know anyway…).

A/N: the " the closest to heaven as I've ever been…" -(if you didn't know) excerpted from Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls, think I should mention it considering I ripped that line off their song.

A/N: I didn't italicize Touji's recollection because doing so is an eyesore. Besides I you didn't get that it was a recollection would mean that you're slow, stupid, or dumb (just pick one). Pick one as well if you do not get my narration.

A/N: I would really appreciate reviews, but I really hate those who complain about my grammar and spelling. Like this guy who complained about it but had mistakes in the grammar of his written review, how hypocritical is that!? Most of my grammatical mistakes are either typographical or caused when I change or correct the story. Sometimes I over look some sentences and miss on renewing them to keep things parallel. So lay off insulting my grammar ignoramus!

A/N: Not sure if I should leave this as a one-shot or a two parter… I have a great idea for a sequel but I'm not sure….We'll see if there will be a 2nd part, depending on the reviews I get on this one and if there would be numerous requests for it (if it a hit, there will be a sequel. If it flops then good-bye….)

A/N: Goddamn worked hard for this one! Slept many a nights late coz of this shit. So you guys better review saying it's a great fuckin story!

FYall!