Chapter 4
Relapses And Regrets
When Tiffany fell asleep Jackie kissed her head and tucked her in the warm blankets. Her eyes were all red and dry from the crying. There was absolutely no reason for Steven to beat up on a sleeping Eric and scare HER daughter. She put on her silk robe and saw the light on in the guest room, still knocking instead of barging right in like she would have done if she were still sixteen.
"Come in, Jackie." Donna's eyes were red and dry, too. Eric was still not back yet. She didn't want to admit that he was-------
Jackie sat on foot of the bed.
"I'm sorry, Donna. Steven was way out of line. I never saw him that angry before."
"I should have followed, Eric. Why didn't I follow Eric?" Donna got up, she fell asleep or had tried to in her clothes.
"Are you worried he might have-um, started up again?"
"Yes-and I swear if something happens to him, I'll kill Hyde. I'm sorry for wording it that way, Jackie. But-"
"It's all right. I want you to promise me one thing?"
"What?"
"If Eric did reach for drugs don't abandon him. He's a good man."
"I'm not going to abandon him," Donna sighed, "I love him too much to do that."
Besides this episode wasn't entirely his fault she rationed before she felt Jackie's arms go around her.
"I need a hug." She whispered
"So do I. We'll get through this." Donna replied trying to make them both feel better.
Even though he could afford better lodging Hyde chose to stay at a cheap motel on the other side of the tracks. It matched his mood. He didn't mean to lose his cool with Forman. He came home early because the band he was working with were going through some internal troubles and he thought all the way home, he could deal with his former best friend. He would do it for Jackie-the woman he's loved for years. He would be good and Jackie would be proud of him. It wasn't meant to be he supposed when he saw that Forman and Tiffany fell asleep on the couch watching Star Wars coupling with the fact that Jackie would mention that Eric and Tiffany were getting along splendidly. He was going to be that girl's stepfather in a couple of months and how could Tiffany accept him as that when she was having a blast with Forman? The jealousy and anger got to him and he starting pounding him while he was sleeping. He thought of Mrs. Forman and felt awful. He thought of Tiffany waking up to it and being frightened that he wanted to open up the window and jump out of it. He tried phoning Jackie but she took every single phone off the hook. He was sorry. He finished another beer and crushed the can throwing it across the room landing in a pile by the door with the other cans. He felt like shit. He didn't know what he was going to do if Jackie didn't take him back.
Donna fell asleep again and around two am she felt Eric kissing her neck.
'Shit' Eric noticed a small smear of blood on her neck and licked his finger with saliva to wipe it away.
"I'm back from my walk." 'Lying bastard'
It wouldn't take that long to walk back to here on a normal day but Eric had sat on a park bench for the longest time trying to grapple with what he had done. Even though Hyde was the biggest f***ing jerk on the planet-he just had to run right to back to the Cocaine monster. There was no excusing or justifying to be done regarding that.
Donna put her arms around him, he was relatively safe, he was back in bed with her, and the problem would still be there when they woke up.
"I love you, Eric." She kissed him on the lips.
"I don't deserve you, Donna." He yawned as he sank into the covers. "But I do love you." It was himself that he hated.
(note-I have to do one or two more angst bits to get out of this arc, but they don't involve Hyde and Eric.)
11:00 am
As soon as Jackie returned from dropping Tiffany off at her playgroup she started to cry again. She loved Steven with all of her heart. If it was only Eric she don't think she'd have freaked out so much, but the fact that their fight happened with her daughter present made her very angry. The way that Hyde attacked Eric in his sleep made her uncomfortable. She walked quietly to the kitchen and hoped Donna wasn't in there because she needed to be alone. She poured herself a cup of tea and thought about the current state of things-She kicked Hyde out of the apartment and god only knows where he went because she took all the phones off the hook and told the doorman to not let him up here. He could have gone back to his apartment in Wisconsin. She wanted to call his cell and hear his voice, the quiet sensitive voice he used only for her-She looked at the engagement ring on her finger. Not knowing whether to take it off or keep it on. They were going to work through this right? He was great with Tiffany before this, maybe not as natural with children as Eric, but Eric despite the hardness of Red still had a great childhood when you compared it to Hyde's traumatic one. Jackie took a deep breath and got up to use the telephone. She knew she'd get his voice mail.
"Steven, it's me. I knew I'd get your voice mail. Call me-okay?"
Her heart skipped a beat when Donna walked in.
"Hi-are you hungry for lunch?" Jackie wanted to remain the gracious host.
"No-Did you talk to Hyde?"
"He didn't pick up, so I had to leave a message. How's Eric?"
"Still sleeping. I've had time to think about what happened Jackie and I hope you don't let what happened ruin your relationship."
"What?" Jackie stirred her tea, "I thought you of all people would say to dump him for what happened."
"Maybe, I will have a cup of tea," Donna got up to pour it herself, "I learned a great deal when I left Eric hanging in rehab. It's easy to run away when it's not perfect, when you get hurt. It doesn't excuse Hyde for beating Eric up while he was sleeping-but I think he was jealous of how natural it was for Tiffany and Eric to get along. After all-Jackie you have to keep in mind Hyde's going to be your daughters stepfather. He probably has all these feelings inside he doesn't know what to do with. I don't know if he and Eric will ever sort things out. And at this point it's really between them."
Like Kitty, Donna and Jackie abandoned their plans to get involved in getting them back together. For Hyde and Eric to get their friendship back they had to both want it. And they were both so f***ing stubborn.
"He's great with Tiffany."
"Did you ever tell him that? In those words?"
"I didn't think I had to. I always thought my actions, my trust was enough." Jackie replied. For the talkative Jackie she felt that of all the things to not say, this was the worst. She never thought Steven needed to hear her praise him on getting along with her daughter. She assumed he just knew. That it was one of those things you didn't have to say.
"Hyde needs to hear that. He's probably very nervous regarding being someone's father. After all your ex-husband ignores Tiffany. He probably feels a great deal of weight on his shoulders. It's the biggest responsibility he'll ever have."
Jackie held Donna's hand, "Thanks. I plan to tell him all this when I can reach him. What happens with you and Eric?"
If one thing made Jackie feel better is that both couples were going through turmoil. She wasn't facing uncertainty alone.
"We're still getting married," Donna pulled something out of her pants pocket, "Despite this."
Donna put the bag of Coke on the table. She didn't mean to go through his pockets. It just sort of happened when she was getting dressed. She saw his jacket thrown across a chair and something told her to search the pockets.
"Donna! I don't want Tiffany to see that stuff when she comes home! Flush it."
"I'm not going to flush it. Eric is. I'm going to make sure of that." She put it back in her pocket.
"He was doing so well. You know it's really not Steven's fault that Eric ran to drugs."
Donna sighed. "I know. I needed somebody to blame."
"The only thing he did wrong was the fight." Jackie needed a piece of cake. Her cook Simone made the best desserts.
"I know, Jackie," Donna replied not wanting to lose her cool, "You know it is hard to look at Eric and---it's just easier to blame others for his drug use. I blamed myself constantly. I still do sometimes. Both Eric and Hyde are responsible for their own actions."
"I hope they can make up. They were best friends as close as guy friends can be without the sappy emotions we women insist our friendships be filled with."
"Are you kidding? When everyone left the basement Eric was always trying to get Hyde to open up." She did love him for having a sensitive side.
"How do you know that?"
"Because he told me." Donna got up, she wanted to check to see if Eric was awake yet.
"Donna, I hope we can have our double wedding." Jackie hoped her and Steven were going to get married. What if they messed things up?
"I'd like that. Mrs. Forman would be over the moon." Donna heard a noise coming from the side room.
"It's the fax machine."
Donna took her tea and went back to the guest room. Jackie put her cup in
the sink and went to check on her fax. She ripped the paper and sat in her office chair to read it.
Dear Jackie,
It's over. I'll send for my things later. I'll never stop loving you.
Steven
"F***." Jackie started to cry again. Then she realized the fax for what it was. Another brick in the great wall of Steven Hyde.
"No, Steven, it's not over." Jackie ripped the paper up and threw it in the wastebasket determined now more than ever to knock his self imposed bricks down.
Donna walked in the room to find Eric lying in bed with his eyes open.
"Good morning, or I should say good afternoon, Eric." She kissed him on the cheek.
"My head hurts." He groaned.
"Good. When you get up you have to do me a favor." Donna walked around to get back to her side of the bed.
"Which is?"
"You'll see." She stroked his hair as she picked a magazine off the end table.
Eric closed his eyes he didn't want to wake up today.
"No," Donna shook his shoulder, "You are not going back to sleep."
"All right," Eric stretched and forced himself to sit up right, "Happy now?"
He looked a wreck and Donna knew what he would look like-she saw it with her own eyes before-what he would have looked like if he did the whole bag.
"As a matter of fact I am." She held his hand.
"I need a shower, but I'm too tired to move. So, Donna, what's this favor you want me to do?"
"You'll see. You want some tea or coffee?"
"No."
"Do you want to get high?"
Eric looked at Donna like he couldn't believe she would ask the question.
"Do I want to? No. Do I need to? Yeah."
Eric got out of bed and if Donna had her hunches right she knew he was going to go to his jacket pocket. This was a new one to do these things right in front of her. Did Eric honestly think she was going to let him do it?
"All right, Donna-what did you do with it?"
Donna got up and stood in the doorway of the guest bathroom.
"I have it. It's in my pocket and you are going to dispose of it."
Eric looked at her with I-can't-believe-you-are-doing-this-to-me eyes
"And if we have to stay here all day and all night, we are not going anywhere until you flush it." She took the bag out of her pocket and went inside the bathroom.
Hyde sat on the steps of a quaint country cottage in rural Pennsylvania. He wiped the dust from the knees of his faded jeans. He had a knack for ruining his life. Why did he have to pounce on Forman while he was sleeping? He wasn't high or even drunk when he did that. Did he just want to sabotage a perfectly great thing with Jackie? He couldn't even call Mrs. Forman to see how her and Red were doing because he didn't know if they knew about what happened in New York. He loved Tiffany and he didn't mean to scare her. Jackie was like the Mother bird who would bite your finger off if you went inside the nest and bothered the little bird. He thought of going into the barn to crash into the hay pile and do a joint but that made him think of the little drug addict that couldn't. The place was barely furnished all that was there was a bed and a portrait for above the fireplace still wrapped in bubble wrap and brown paper. This was to be a gift for Jackie after the wedding when he surprised her with this cottage. That was close enough to New York because he respected that Jackie did not want to sell her City apartment as well as change locations for the sake of her career. He did want to call her and hear her beautiful voice but he couldn't. He did feel like his parents for running away when it got tough. And this wasn't the first time. They should have been married after high school. He was nine years to being fifty f***ing years old! Hyde felt he didn't accomplish anything much at all. He had his producing career and his love of real rock and roll but what good was it when there wasn't Jackie by his side? While he was in the hospital in a coma thanks to the scrawny high idiot using a trophy as a knife it was Jackie who made the phone calls on his behalf. Today was the day he handed in his resignation at the label by modern means of fax. He financially didn't need to work, which made him happy to think back at the poor sad orphan boy who had to work at the Photohut. His plan was to take a sabbatical for a few months and think of what he wanted to do with his life. He supposed he could take his mind off things and get the furniture put in and sublet his apartment in Wisconsin. He couldn't go to Kitty or Red because he didn't know what anyone told him and he didn't want to take that risk, he didn't have a best friend because he (Eric) was a loser, and he didn't have a beautiful woman by his side who had a child who needed a positive Father figure. He didn't have parents. Well he had parents he just didn't know where they were since he last heard about their whereabouts ten years ago in a trailer park in the mid west. He was what he hated most of all-alone. He got up and took a deep breath in the country air. What he wouldn't give for one last touch of Jackie.
Eric sat on the bathtub determined to change the subject. He wanted to tell Donna that he was disappointed in himself. That no one else could be held responsible for him going out and getting high. It still remained that if she suddenly were to disappear in a vat of smoke he'd have done the Coke. He tried to resist his demons before Hyde even came back to New York, he couldn't pin it on him. It was like suicide a girl about sixteen in the first support group told him and the rest of them-it ultimately comes down to yourself. No one is making you reach for the gun or the bottle of little green pills. Drug use was the same. You could have a massive verbal or physical fight with Your spouse, child, friend, whomever and if you go out and shoot, snort, or pop it eventually comes down to yourself. Eric hated talking to therapists and doctors but he didn't mind the support groups. The sixteen year old girl who sat next to him on his right was brought up in one of those perfect suburban households pushed to be a tennis star by her domineering parents and she developed a penchant for Crack. He felt so bad for her, she really had her whole life ahead and many more chances of relapses. He couldn't find any words to say to Donna when he wanted to tell her so much. He had her back again and he didn't want to lose her. The only thing that gave him some relief was that his drug use started AFTER the divorce.
That wasn't why their marriage broke up. He fretfully picked up a bottle of conditioner rather than look her in the eye. There was something else he didn't have words for-one of the darkest days of Eric Forman's life but he chose to block it out. He threw the bottle in the bathtub and stood up. Grateful that Donna gave him the silence. He put his hands on her shoulders.
"I love you and although I can't promise it won't happen again," They were told in rehab to never 'promise it won't happen again' which Donna knew from the Highpoint literature. "I can only promise you it won't happen today."
He kissed her on the lips feeling the spark that he never wanted to lose sight of.
"I love you, too, Eric." She handed him the bag realizing how difficult this was for him.
Eric took whole bag and threw it in the toilet. Knowing that there would be some people who would have gone in the water for it. There was a time when it would've been him. Eric flushed it away.
"I'm very proud of you," Donna kissed him on the cheek and held his hand, "Now let's go eat lunch I'm starving."
"Your scumbag fiancée needs a shower, remember?"
"Oh, right. Do you fancy company then?"
He smiled a faint smile. The fact that she still loved him and wanted to still marry him made him more determined than ever that this "Day One" would be the last.
Jackie sighed bored out of her head, as she wouldn't be picking up Tiffany until later and Donna and Eric were taking a shower together as she could hear the water running. She was about to go out and get some air, go to the newsstands to pick up a magazine when the phone rang. 'Please let it be Steven.' she thought.
"Hello?"
It was one of her fake friends from the department store. She was about the same age as Jackie but the only thing they had in common was a superficial knowledge about cosmetics.
"Hi, Jackie! Why didn't you tell me we were going to be neighbors?"
'Huh?' "Well, Phyllis---"
"Roger came back from antiquing without me-and the cottage is adorable, Jackie."
'Cottage? What cottage?' "Yes, it is." She played along. She had nothing else better to do.
"And you've got a stable for horses. I bet Steven is going to buy you one.
Roger didn't get talk to Steven but he saw him get the mail out of the box and waved from the car."
What? Steven had a secret cottage? Since when?
"You know, Phyllis. I'm bad with directions and I lost the ones Steven left for me-do you think you could be a dear and get them for me? You know I get lost every time I drive." "No problem. I'll have Roger fax them to you. I'm glad you guys chose Pennsylvania---"
'Pennsylvania?'
"Connecticut is too snobby and upper crust-not to mention your uptight former in-laws live there."
"Thanks for calling, Phyllis, but I have to check on Tiffany." She lied.
"Give her my love. I'll talk to you later. Bye."
Jackie hung up the phone and tried to put together what Phyllis just told her. Steven bought a cottage in Pennsylvania? She went to her office area and made sure her fax machine was still on as she sprinted to her room to get a suitcase out of her walk in closet.
When Tiffany fell asleep Jackie kissed her head and tucked her in the warm blankets. Her eyes were all red and dry from the crying. There was absolutely no reason for Steven to beat up on a sleeping Eric and scare HER daughter. She put on her silk robe and saw the light on in the guest room, still knocking instead of barging right in like she would have done if she were still sixteen.
"Come in, Jackie." Donna's eyes were red and dry, too. Eric was still not back yet. She didn't want to admit that he was-------
Jackie sat on foot of the bed.
"I'm sorry, Donna. Steven was way out of line. I never saw him that angry before."
"I should have followed, Eric. Why didn't I follow Eric?" Donna got up, she fell asleep or had tried to in her clothes.
"Are you worried he might have-um, started up again?"
"Yes-and I swear if something happens to him, I'll kill Hyde. I'm sorry for wording it that way, Jackie. But-"
"It's all right. I want you to promise me one thing?"
"What?"
"If Eric did reach for drugs don't abandon him. He's a good man."
"I'm not going to abandon him," Donna sighed, "I love him too much to do that."
Besides this episode wasn't entirely his fault she rationed before she felt Jackie's arms go around her.
"I need a hug." She whispered
"So do I. We'll get through this." Donna replied trying to make them both feel better.
Even though he could afford better lodging Hyde chose to stay at a cheap motel on the other side of the tracks. It matched his mood. He didn't mean to lose his cool with Forman. He came home early because the band he was working with were going through some internal troubles and he thought all the way home, he could deal with his former best friend. He would do it for Jackie-the woman he's loved for years. He would be good and Jackie would be proud of him. It wasn't meant to be he supposed when he saw that Forman and Tiffany fell asleep on the couch watching Star Wars coupling with the fact that Jackie would mention that Eric and Tiffany were getting along splendidly. He was going to be that girl's stepfather in a couple of months and how could Tiffany accept him as that when she was having a blast with Forman? The jealousy and anger got to him and he starting pounding him while he was sleeping. He thought of Mrs. Forman and felt awful. He thought of Tiffany waking up to it and being frightened that he wanted to open up the window and jump out of it. He tried phoning Jackie but she took every single phone off the hook. He was sorry. He finished another beer and crushed the can throwing it across the room landing in a pile by the door with the other cans. He felt like shit. He didn't know what he was going to do if Jackie didn't take him back.
Donna fell asleep again and around two am she felt Eric kissing her neck.
'Shit' Eric noticed a small smear of blood on her neck and licked his finger with saliva to wipe it away.
"I'm back from my walk." 'Lying bastard'
It wouldn't take that long to walk back to here on a normal day but Eric had sat on a park bench for the longest time trying to grapple with what he had done. Even though Hyde was the biggest f***ing jerk on the planet-he just had to run right to back to the Cocaine monster. There was no excusing or justifying to be done regarding that.
Donna put her arms around him, he was relatively safe, he was back in bed with her, and the problem would still be there when they woke up.
"I love you, Eric." She kissed him on the lips.
"I don't deserve you, Donna." He yawned as he sank into the covers. "But I do love you." It was himself that he hated.
(note-I have to do one or two more angst bits to get out of this arc, but they don't involve Hyde and Eric.)
11:00 am
As soon as Jackie returned from dropping Tiffany off at her playgroup she started to cry again. She loved Steven with all of her heart. If it was only Eric she don't think she'd have freaked out so much, but the fact that their fight happened with her daughter present made her very angry. The way that Hyde attacked Eric in his sleep made her uncomfortable. She walked quietly to the kitchen and hoped Donna wasn't in there because she needed to be alone. She poured herself a cup of tea and thought about the current state of things-She kicked Hyde out of the apartment and god only knows where he went because she took all the phones off the hook and told the doorman to not let him up here. He could have gone back to his apartment in Wisconsin. She wanted to call his cell and hear his voice, the quiet sensitive voice he used only for her-She looked at the engagement ring on her finger. Not knowing whether to take it off or keep it on. They were going to work through this right? He was great with Tiffany before this, maybe not as natural with children as Eric, but Eric despite the hardness of Red still had a great childhood when you compared it to Hyde's traumatic one. Jackie took a deep breath and got up to use the telephone. She knew she'd get his voice mail.
"Steven, it's me. I knew I'd get your voice mail. Call me-okay?"
Her heart skipped a beat when Donna walked in.
"Hi-are you hungry for lunch?" Jackie wanted to remain the gracious host.
"No-Did you talk to Hyde?"
"He didn't pick up, so I had to leave a message. How's Eric?"
"Still sleeping. I've had time to think about what happened Jackie and I hope you don't let what happened ruin your relationship."
"What?" Jackie stirred her tea, "I thought you of all people would say to dump him for what happened."
"Maybe, I will have a cup of tea," Donna got up to pour it herself, "I learned a great deal when I left Eric hanging in rehab. It's easy to run away when it's not perfect, when you get hurt. It doesn't excuse Hyde for beating Eric up while he was sleeping-but I think he was jealous of how natural it was for Tiffany and Eric to get along. After all-Jackie you have to keep in mind Hyde's going to be your daughters stepfather. He probably has all these feelings inside he doesn't know what to do with. I don't know if he and Eric will ever sort things out. And at this point it's really between them."
Like Kitty, Donna and Jackie abandoned their plans to get involved in getting them back together. For Hyde and Eric to get their friendship back they had to both want it. And they were both so f***ing stubborn.
"He's great with Tiffany."
"Did you ever tell him that? In those words?"
"I didn't think I had to. I always thought my actions, my trust was enough." Jackie replied. For the talkative Jackie she felt that of all the things to not say, this was the worst. She never thought Steven needed to hear her praise him on getting along with her daughter. She assumed he just knew. That it was one of those things you didn't have to say.
"Hyde needs to hear that. He's probably very nervous regarding being someone's father. After all your ex-husband ignores Tiffany. He probably feels a great deal of weight on his shoulders. It's the biggest responsibility he'll ever have."
Jackie held Donna's hand, "Thanks. I plan to tell him all this when I can reach him. What happens with you and Eric?"
If one thing made Jackie feel better is that both couples were going through turmoil. She wasn't facing uncertainty alone.
"We're still getting married," Donna pulled something out of her pants pocket, "Despite this."
Donna put the bag of Coke on the table. She didn't mean to go through his pockets. It just sort of happened when she was getting dressed. She saw his jacket thrown across a chair and something told her to search the pockets.
"Donna! I don't want Tiffany to see that stuff when she comes home! Flush it."
"I'm not going to flush it. Eric is. I'm going to make sure of that." She put it back in her pocket.
"He was doing so well. You know it's really not Steven's fault that Eric ran to drugs."
Donna sighed. "I know. I needed somebody to blame."
"The only thing he did wrong was the fight." Jackie needed a piece of cake. Her cook Simone made the best desserts.
"I know, Jackie," Donna replied not wanting to lose her cool, "You know it is hard to look at Eric and---it's just easier to blame others for his drug use. I blamed myself constantly. I still do sometimes. Both Eric and Hyde are responsible for their own actions."
"I hope they can make up. They were best friends as close as guy friends can be without the sappy emotions we women insist our friendships be filled with."
"Are you kidding? When everyone left the basement Eric was always trying to get Hyde to open up." She did love him for having a sensitive side.
"How do you know that?"
"Because he told me." Donna got up, she wanted to check to see if Eric was awake yet.
"Donna, I hope we can have our double wedding." Jackie hoped her and Steven were going to get married. What if they messed things up?
"I'd like that. Mrs. Forman would be over the moon." Donna heard a noise coming from the side room.
"It's the fax machine."
Donna took her tea and went back to the guest room. Jackie put her cup in
the sink and went to check on her fax. She ripped the paper and sat in her office chair to read it.
Dear Jackie,
It's over. I'll send for my things later. I'll never stop loving you.
Steven
"F***." Jackie started to cry again. Then she realized the fax for what it was. Another brick in the great wall of Steven Hyde.
"No, Steven, it's not over." Jackie ripped the paper up and threw it in the wastebasket determined now more than ever to knock his self imposed bricks down.
Donna walked in the room to find Eric lying in bed with his eyes open.
"Good morning, or I should say good afternoon, Eric." She kissed him on the cheek.
"My head hurts." He groaned.
"Good. When you get up you have to do me a favor." Donna walked around to get back to her side of the bed.
"Which is?"
"You'll see." She stroked his hair as she picked a magazine off the end table.
Eric closed his eyes he didn't want to wake up today.
"No," Donna shook his shoulder, "You are not going back to sleep."
"All right," Eric stretched and forced himself to sit up right, "Happy now?"
He looked a wreck and Donna knew what he would look like-she saw it with her own eyes before-what he would have looked like if he did the whole bag.
"As a matter of fact I am." She held his hand.
"I need a shower, but I'm too tired to move. So, Donna, what's this favor you want me to do?"
"You'll see. You want some tea or coffee?"
"No."
"Do you want to get high?"
Eric looked at Donna like he couldn't believe she would ask the question.
"Do I want to? No. Do I need to? Yeah."
Eric got out of bed and if Donna had her hunches right she knew he was going to go to his jacket pocket. This was a new one to do these things right in front of her. Did Eric honestly think she was going to let him do it?
"All right, Donna-what did you do with it?"
Donna got up and stood in the doorway of the guest bathroom.
"I have it. It's in my pocket and you are going to dispose of it."
Eric looked at her with I-can't-believe-you-are-doing-this-to-me eyes
"And if we have to stay here all day and all night, we are not going anywhere until you flush it." She took the bag out of her pocket and went inside the bathroom.
Hyde sat on the steps of a quaint country cottage in rural Pennsylvania. He wiped the dust from the knees of his faded jeans. He had a knack for ruining his life. Why did he have to pounce on Forman while he was sleeping? He wasn't high or even drunk when he did that. Did he just want to sabotage a perfectly great thing with Jackie? He couldn't even call Mrs. Forman to see how her and Red were doing because he didn't know if they knew about what happened in New York. He loved Tiffany and he didn't mean to scare her. Jackie was like the Mother bird who would bite your finger off if you went inside the nest and bothered the little bird. He thought of going into the barn to crash into the hay pile and do a joint but that made him think of the little drug addict that couldn't. The place was barely furnished all that was there was a bed and a portrait for above the fireplace still wrapped in bubble wrap and brown paper. This was to be a gift for Jackie after the wedding when he surprised her with this cottage. That was close enough to New York because he respected that Jackie did not want to sell her City apartment as well as change locations for the sake of her career. He did want to call her and hear her beautiful voice but he couldn't. He did feel like his parents for running away when it got tough. And this wasn't the first time. They should have been married after high school. He was nine years to being fifty f***ing years old! Hyde felt he didn't accomplish anything much at all. He had his producing career and his love of real rock and roll but what good was it when there wasn't Jackie by his side? While he was in the hospital in a coma thanks to the scrawny high idiot using a trophy as a knife it was Jackie who made the phone calls on his behalf. Today was the day he handed in his resignation at the label by modern means of fax. He financially didn't need to work, which made him happy to think back at the poor sad orphan boy who had to work at the Photohut. His plan was to take a sabbatical for a few months and think of what he wanted to do with his life. He supposed he could take his mind off things and get the furniture put in and sublet his apartment in Wisconsin. He couldn't go to Kitty or Red because he didn't know what anyone told him and he didn't want to take that risk, he didn't have a best friend because he (Eric) was a loser, and he didn't have a beautiful woman by his side who had a child who needed a positive Father figure. He didn't have parents. Well he had parents he just didn't know where they were since he last heard about their whereabouts ten years ago in a trailer park in the mid west. He was what he hated most of all-alone. He got up and took a deep breath in the country air. What he wouldn't give for one last touch of Jackie.
Eric sat on the bathtub determined to change the subject. He wanted to tell Donna that he was disappointed in himself. That no one else could be held responsible for him going out and getting high. It still remained that if she suddenly were to disappear in a vat of smoke he'd have done the Coke. He tried to resist his demons before Hyde even came back to New York, he couldn't pin it on him. It was like suicide a girl about sixteen in the first support group told him and the rest of them-it ultimately comes down to yourself. No one is making you reach for the gun or the bottle of little green pills. Drug use was the same. You could have a massive verbal or physical fight with Your spouse, child, friend, whomever and if you go out and shoot, snort, or pop it eventually comes down to yourself. Eric hated talking to therapists and doctors but he didn't mind the support groups. The sixteen year old girl who sat next to him on his right was brought up in one of those perfect suburban households pushed to be a tennis star by her domineering parents and she developed a penchant for Crack. He felt so bad for her, she really had her whole life ahead and many more chances of relapses. He couldn't find any words to say to Donna when he wanted to tell her so much. He had her back again and he didn't want to lose her. The only thing that gave him some relief was that his drug use started AFTER the divorce.
That wasn't why their marriage broke up. He fretfully picked up a bottle of conditioner rather than look her in the eye. There was something else he didn't have words for-one of the darkest days of Eric Forman's life but he chose to block it out. He threw the bottle in the bathtub and stood up. Grateful that Donna gave him the silence. He put his hands on her shoulders.
"I love you and although I can't promise it won't happen again," They were told in rehab to never 'promise it won't happen again' which Donna knew from the Highpoint literature. "I can only promise you it won't happen today."
He kissed her on the lips feeling the spark that he never wanted to lose sight of.
"I love you, too, Eric." She handed him the bag realizing how difficult this was for him.
Eric took whole bag and threw it in the toilet. Knowing that there would be some people who would have gone in the water for it. There was a time when it would've been him. Eric flushed it away.
"I'm very proud of you," Donna kissed him on the cheek and held his hand, "Now let's go eat lunch I'm starving."
"Your scumbag fiancée needs a shower, remember?"
"Oh, right. Do you fancy company then?"
He smiled a faint smile. The fact that she still loved him and wanted to still marry him made him more determined than ever that this "Day One" would be the last.
Jackie sighed bored out of her head, as she wouldn't be picking up Tiffany until later and Donna and Eric were taking a shower together as she could hear the water running. She was about to go out and get some air, go to the newsstands to pick up a magazine when the phone rang. 'Please let it be Steven.' she thought.
"Hello?"
It was one of her fake friends from the department store. She was about the same age as Jackie but the only thing they had in common was a superficial knowledge about cosmetics.
"Hi, Jackie! Why didn't you tell me we were going to be neighbors?"
'Huh?' "Well, Phyllis---"
"Roger came back from antiquing without me-and the cottage is adorable, Jackie."
'Cottage? What cottage?' "Yes, it is." She played along. She had nothing else better to do.
"And you've got a stable for horses. I bet Steven is going to buy you one.
Roger didn't get talk to Steven but he saw him get the mail out of the box and waved from the car."
What? Steven had a secret cottage? Since when?
"You know, Phyllis. I'm bad with directions and I lost the ones Steven left for me-do you think you could be a dear and get them for me? You know I get lost every time I drive." "No problem. I'll have Roger fax them to you. I'm glad you guys chose Pennsylvania---"
'Pennsylvania?'
"Connecticut is too snobby and upper crust-not to mention your uptight former in-laws live there."
"Thanks for calling, Phyllis, but I have to check on Tiffany." She lied.
"Give her my love. I'll talk to you later. Bye."
Jackie hung up the phone and tried to put together what Phyllis just told her. Steven bought a cottage in Pennsylvania? She went to her office area and made sure her fax machine was still on as she sprinted to her room to get a suitcase out of her walk in closet.