Buffy stood on top of the hill staring at the moon. She didn't understand
why she acted the way she did. Her sister just wished her dead. Her friends
were acting like she was about to break into a million pieces if they so
much as confronted her. The only person she could talk to was a vampire, a
soulless vampire. To say her life was in shambles was putting it mildly.
Buffy heard the steps behind her but didn't say anything. It was Spike. If she ignored him, he might go away. She didn't want company. She didn't want anything. She wanted to go back in time to one month ago and let her friends not be able to complete the spell. To have something go wrong, anything so she could be in that place again.
"The 'lil Bit was just venting Pet," Spike said a couple feet behind her. "She didn't mean what she said. She doesn't want you to die."
"Yeah she does," Buffy said quietly.
"No she doesn't," Spike said again. "That sister of yours, she loves you so much. When you were gone, nobody cried harder over you. She was the shell of the Dawn we all know and love." Spike waited to see if Buffy was actually listening to him. She turned to face him and Spike continued. "She acted like you did, when your mum died. And she's hurting now. Having you admit that you didn't want to come back to her, it had to hit her right where it hurts luv. Her heart, and nobody has a bigger heart than 'lil Bit."
"It's not that I don't want to be here with Dawn. I love Dawn, she is me," Buffy said walking over to the wall that blocked the hill from the cemetery. She sat down, leaning her back against it. "I just wish you could have felt what it was like there. How peaceful."
"Well, I won't know Pet," Spike said a little sarcastically. "Me being a demon and all."
Buffy glared at him. Spike laughed, that was probably the most emotion she had shown since being back. "Now I know why I never put up with you."
Spike smiled. "Are you sure it wasn't the sexual chemistry Pet? That would make any innocent slayer run."
Buffy glared at him again. "Can we talk about anything else?" She looked back up at the sky. "Like what my first step should be? Do I start patrolling?" She looked at him quickly. "Oh God, I am no longer a student. How are they paying the bills? How am I going to keep the house? Do I need to get a job?"
Spike chuckled. "Slayer, you need to take it one step at a time. And step one should be going home to bed. You can start patrolling after you make good with the scoobies. Dawn and your friends are more important than anything else. So go home."
Buffy stared at Spike. "You always surprise me. Just when I think you are a peroxide british vamp, you turn and become all nice on me." She pretended to shudder. "Do you even realize how strange that is? I can't figure you out."
"Well that makes two of us," Spike said pulling the Slayer onto her feet. "Now go on, go make peace. Come see me in a day or two, we can patrol then."
Buffy nodded and began the long trek home. She turned once to see the lone figure watching her. Not only did he surprise her, he made her want things that she couldn't have. But she'd never tell him that.
Buffy entered the house quietly. She didn't know who was still there, or if anybody was there. She didn't want to disturb anyone if they were sleeping. She walked into the living room and froze when she saw Giles. "Ahhh.how's it going?"
Giles stood up. "I thought it was going to be okay, but now I'm not so sure." He took his glasses off to clean them.
Buffy stared at him. She wanted to confide in him, to tell him everything. About Heaven, about her mixed emotions. She wanted to be in high school again. Giles would tell her how it was suppose to be, she wouldn't listen but then always ended up doing it in the end. But she couldn't confide in the only guy she thought as her father. For one, he wouldn't understand.
"Well, you should get in bed," Giles said walking towards the door. He looked at Buffy and sighed. He was hoping she would talk to him once they were alone but it looked like she wasn't going to say anything. "I'll call you tomorrow, maybe you can come into the shop and start training.
Buffy nodded but still didn't say anything. She smiled at him before she shut the door behind him. She turned around and glanced into the living room. The one lamp by the couch was on, she turned it off before making her way up the stairs.
Dawn's bedroom door was shut as she paused outside it. She knocked twice but when Dawn didn't answer she decided to just say what she had to say. "Dawnie, it's not that I don't want to be here. I just.it's an adjustment. You will never know what it's been like for me. I love you Dawn, you are my only sister. The only family I really have. I just wish you could understand."
Buffy made her way into her room, barely checking to make sure it was empty. She walked over to her dresser and pulled out her pajamas and then made her way into her bathroom.
She stood in front of the mirror trying to see what her friends saw. Outwardly, she looked the same, just a little skinnier and paler. But the biggest change were her eyes, she knew. Where there once was life, a passion for the fight, just the old Buffy, now they showed nothing. They showed how tired she was, how exhausted, how empty. She wasn't the same girl.
Buffy watched as one tear rolled down her face. She watched it reach the end of her chin and then drip onto the ground. She closed her eyes before she could cry anymore. Tears weren't going to change anything. They were a weakness. And that was one thing the old Buffy and the new Buffy had in common. They weren't weak, they were strong.
She changed quickly and walked back onto her room. Carelessly throwing her clothes near her hamper before climbing into bed. Tomorrow she would meet with Giles and learn to be the Slayer again. If there was thing she could still do, it was Slay. Nothing could change that.
Dawn sat on the edge of her bed holding a picture of her and Buffy. It was taken the summer before Glory. They were both in the backyard, it was after their biggest water fight yet. Dawn had the hose but Buffy had turned it on her, making her take the brunt of the spray. It was one of the happier moments in Dawn's life.
She wiped away tear after tear as she stuffed the picture into her duffle bag. She grabbed her favorite sweatshirt and sweats. She was going to L.A. She was going to find her father. Buffy was right, she didn't understand. All she knew was the sister she loved didn't want to be with her supposedly only family member left. Well, maybe Buffy could say those things, but Dawn knew she didn't mean it. Buffy was surrounded by family. Willow was her sister, Xander her brother, Giles her father and Spike was her soul mate, she just had yet to admit that one.
And without Dawn around, maybe she could move on faster. Dawn was to big a reminder of things better left forgotten. Without her, they wouldn't have to constantly worry about her. They could go back to the way things were. Without her.
Dawn grabbed her jean jacket and put it on. She picked up her duffle bag and set the letter she had written Buffy on the nightstand. Buffy would freak, or maybe she would sigh in relief. Dawn didn't know anymore.
But as Dawn made her way out of Sunnydale. The farther the bus took her, the easier it was to breath. The closer she reached the end of city limits, the better she felt. This was the right thing. Buffy had run away once and she had gotten a whole new outlook on life. Dawn was just doing it a little sooner and she was running with a goal in mind. Her father.
There was only one final question. Did he want her?
Buffy heard the steps behind her but didn't say anything. It was Spike. If she ignored him, he might go away. She didn't want company. She didn't want anything. She wanted to go back in time to one month ago and let her friends not be able to complete the spell. To have something go wrong, anything so she could be in that place again.
"The 'lil Bit was just venting Pet," Spike said a couple feet behind her. "She didn't mean what she said. She doesn't want you to die."
"Yeah she does," Buffy said quietly.
"No she doesn't," Spike said again. "That sister of yours, she loves you so much. When you were gone, nobody cried harder over you. She was the shell of the Dawn we all know and love." Spike waited to see if Buffy was actually listening to him. She turned to face him and Spike continued. "She acted like you did, when your mum died. And she's hurting now. Having you admit that you didn't want to come back to her, it had to hit her right where it hurts luv. Her heart, and nobody has a bigger heart than 'lil Bit."
"It's not that I don't want to be here with Dawn. I love Dawn, she is me," Buffy said walking over to the wall that blocked the hill from the cemetery. She sat down, leaning her back against it. "I just wish you could have felt what it was like there. How peaceful."
"Well, I won't know Pet," Spike said a little sarcastically. "Me being a demon and all."
Buffy glared at him. Spike laughed, that was probably the most emotion she had shown since being back. "Now I know why I never put up with you."
Spike smiled. "Are you sure it wasn't the sexual chemistry Pet? That would make any innocent slayer run."
Buffy glared at him again. "Can we talk about anything else?" She looked back up at the sky. "Like what my first step should be? Do I start patrolling?" She looked at him quickly. "Oh God, I am no longer a student. How are they paying the bills? How am I going to keep the house? Do I need to get a job?"
Spike chuckled. "Slayer, you need to take it one step at a time. And step one should be going home to bed. You can start patrolling after you make good with the scoobies. Dawn and your friends are more important than anything else. So go home."
Buffy stared at Spike. "You always surprise me. Just when I think you are a peroxide british vamp, you turn and become all nice on me." She pretended to shudder. "Do you even realize how strange that is? I can't figure you out."
"Well that makes two of us," Spike said pulling the Slayer onto her feet. "Now go on, go make peace. Come see me in a day or two, we can patrol then."
Buffy nodded and began the long trek home. She turned once to see the lone figure watching her. Not only did he surprise her, he made her want things that she couldn't have. But she'd never tell him that.
Buffy entered the house quietly. She didn't know who was still there, or if anybody was there. She didn't want to disturb anyone if they were sleeping. She walked into the living room and froze when she saw Giles. "Ahhh.how's it going?"
Giles stood up. "I thought it was going to be okay, but now I'm not so sure." He took his glasses off to clean them.
Buffy stared at him. She wanted to confide in him, to tell him everything. About Heaven, about her mixed emotions. She wanted to be in high school again. Giles would tell her how it was suppose to be, she wouldn't listen but then always ended up doing it in the end. But she couldn't confide in the only guy she thought as her father. For one, he wouldn't understand.
"Well, you should get in bed," Giles said walking towards the door. He looked at Buffy and sighed. He was hoping she would talk to him once they were alone but it looked like she wasn't going to say anything. "I'll call you tomorrow, maybe you can come into the shop and start training.
Buffy nodded but still didn't say anything. She smiled at him before she shut the door behind him. She turned around and glanced into the living room. The one lamp by the couch was on, she turned it off before making her way up the stairs.
Dawn's bedroom door was shut as she paused outside it. She knocked twice but when Dawn didn't answer she decided to just say what she had to say. "Dawnie, it's not that I don't want to be here. I just.it's an adjustment. You will never know what it's been like for me. I love you Dawn, you are my only sister. The only family I really have. I just wish you could understand."
Buffy made her way into her room, barely checking to make sure it was empty. She walked over to her dresser and pulled out her pajamas and then made her way into her bathroom.
She stood in front of the mirror trying to see what her friends saw. Outwardly, she looked the same, just a little skinnier and paler. But the biggest change were her eyes, she knew. Where there once was life, a passion for the fight, just the old Buffy, now they showed nothing. They showed how tired she was, how exhausted, how empty. She wasn't the same girl.
Buffy watched as one tear rolled down her face. She watched it reach the end of her chin and then drip onto the ground. She closed her eyes before she could cry anymore. Tears weren't going to change anything. They were a weakness. And that was one thing the old Buffy and the new Buffy had in common. They weren't weak, they were strong.
She changed quickly and walked back onto her room. Carelessly throwing her clothes near her hamper before climbing into bed. Tomorrow she would meet with Giles and learn to be the Slayer again. If there was thing she could still do, it was Slay. Nothing could change that.
Dawn sat on the edge of her bed holding a picture of her and Buffy. It was taken the summer before Glory. They were both in the backyard, it was after their biggest water fight yet. Dawn had the hose but Buffy had turned it on her, making her take the brunt of the spray. It was one of the happier moments in Dawn's life.
She wiped away tear after tear as she stuffed the picture into her duffle bag. She grabbed her favorite sweatshirt and sweats. She was going to L.A. She was going to find her father. Buffy was right, she didn't understand. All she knew was the sister she loved didn't want to be with her supposedly only family member left. Well, maybe Buffy could say those things, but Dawn knew she didn't mean it. Buffy was surrounded by family. Willow was her sister, Xander her brother, Giles her father and Spike was her soul mate, she just had yet to admit that one.
And without Dawn around, maybe she could move on faster. Dawn was to big a reminder of things better left forgotten. Without her, they wouldn't have to constantly worry about her. They could go back to the way things were. Without her.
Dawn grabbed her jean jacket and put it on. She picked up her duffle bag and set the letter she had written Buffy on the nightstand. Buffy would freak, or maybe she would sigh in relief. Dawn didn't know anymore.
But as Dawn made her way out of Sunnydale. The farther the bus took her, the easier it was to breath. The closer she reached the end of city limits, the better she felt. This was the right thing. Buffy had run away once and she had gotten a whole new outlook on life. Dawn was just doing it a little sooner and she was running with a goal in mind. Her father.
There was only one final question. Did he want her?