Waking up from an inadvertent nap by her parents' arguing, Ren rolled over groggily and saw that it was nighttime already. She must have been sleeping for a long time. Now that it was fall time, days seemed to be getting heavier with passivity and detachment. Not being able to go back to school to see all of her friends was something she had never experienced, and she hated having nothing to do. Sometimes she and Elizabeth found time to do something together, but it wasn't often that Elizabeth wasn't occupied with school or her unwanted job working for the school librarian, a job she had acquired through multiple late charges. However, Ren spent a lot of time with her mom; talking to her, baking with her, stuff they'd never done when Ren was younger. There was a crap load of years for the mother and daughter to make up for, but Ren didn't mind. She had discovered that her mother was never worthless, and now she was loving getting to know her finally.

She hadn't spoken to Chris in almost two months. She kind of figured he had a girlfriend already, considering the facts that he wasn't lacking in the looks department and his charisma was enchanting. Sometime she would get around to phoning him, or maybe even drop by for the Thanksgiving weekend. But that was in November, a long time away. [AN: November is when the American Thanksgiving is, right?] And there was this nagging voice in her mind telling her that she would never call him, she would either just wait for him or let him fade completely from her life.

The fighting downstairs that had woken her up was worse than usual. When her parents fought, it didn't normally take very long because all that would happen was her dad would make her mom cry, possibly give her a reason to wear dark sunglasses to hide her face for a couple of days, and then he'd go sulk in the TV room. But right now they were shouting at each other, and every once in awhile, Ren would hear the sound of something breaking.

She debated going downstairs to see what was going on, but she decided against it. The truth was, she was terrified of her father turning his anger on her. She had always expected that someday he would hurt one of them instead of their mom for once. So, she ventured out into the hallway and no further than that. Unsure of where she wanted to be, she went into Ryder's room.

"Stop boogering on me, Rindy," he was telling their younger sister, who was crying on his shoulder. "I am not a tissue."

"What are they fighting about?" Ren asked, and both of her siblings finally noticed that she was in the room. "I was sleeping. They woke me up."

"Mom found out about Dad cheating on her," he replied.

"Dad's cheating on her?"

"What doesn't Dad do to her?" Ryder snapped, "Rindy, would you stop crying already? Stop being a baby."

"Ryder!" Ren chided, and went over to her sister, putting her arms around her. "It's okay, they'll stop fighting, they always do."

"If you walk out that door, don't you ever fuckin come back."

"That sounds very inviting, Daniel," their mother snapped.

"Sit back down, you dumb bitch! You are not leaving this house!"

"Mom's leaving?" Rindy asked quietly.

"She'd so better not be," Ren murmured. She would be lost without her mother. There would be nothing for her to come home to if her mom wasn't there.

"Why should I stay here, Daniel? You don't care about me, you never have!"

"You can't just leave me with those kids, Miranda."

"I'm going to stay with my sister in Cottage Grove. If they need me, they know the number. Goodbye, Dan."

Ren disentangled her arms from Rindy's and ran from the room to see her mother with a lone suitcase and her hand perched on the doorknob. "Mom?"

"What about me, Miranda?"

"Go to hell."

Daniel grabbed his wife around the throat by one hand and shoved her into an end table, shattering the vase sitting on top. From her place on the stairs, Ren could hear the glass crunch under her mother's hands as she struggled to get up. Ren dashed down the stairs to help her, but her father backhanded before she could get near her, sending her sprawling across the floor.

"You stay out of this, Ren. Get the hell upstairs," Daniel barked.

"You stay the hell away from her then!" Ren snapped. "Just let her go!"

Miranda was on her feet, blood starting to seep down her wrist from the wounds made by the shards of glass. She grabbed her suitcase and ran for the door.

"Mom?" Ren called. "I want to come with you--"

"Sorry baby," Miranda said, and without another word or glance, her mother was gone.

Staring dumbfounded at the door, Ren murmured, "Mama…?"

Daniel was also staring at the door. "That fucking slut."

"Daddy," Ren said.

Daniel turned back to her. "What."

"I don't want to be here with you."

"Then leave, I don't give a shit. You know that." He stormed off into his study and slammed the door.

That was it. That was when Ren's world turned empty and void. She had been right all along, no one wanted her. No one cared. Her mom didn't want to save her. She had left her. Her dad didn't care if she lived or died. Her life was shit. Nothing anyone could have said to her right then could have changed her mind, unless it came from one certain person. And that person was in Portland. And he was probably busy trying to forget about her.

Crying, she went into the bathroom and fumbled through the medicine cabinet. Finally, she found a bottle of Advil. She struggled to open the lid, but it was childproof, and her mind was jumbling and incoherent. All she could think of was how she was going to get to sleep now, and she wouldn't be woken up again. Figuring out a childproof lid wasn't quite in her thinking capacity at the moment. After trying to use her teeth to pry off the lid, she flung it against the wall, and, sobbing, sat on the edge of the bathtub, her hands in her hair and her elbows on her knees. She couldn't even kill herself right.

"Ren, where are you?" Ryder called cautiously. "Ren? Where's Mom?"

She didn't call out to him so he could find her. She didn't care.

But he found her anyway. She didn't look up, but she knew it was him.

"Hey," he whispered gently. "Mom left, didn't she? Are you okay?"

"Nope. Piss off, okay, Ryder? Just close the door and leave me alone."

"I know how much you love Mom, but this isn't the end of the world, and you have enough problems, Ren," Ryder snapped, striding across the bathroom and picking up the bottle of Advil. The lid had popped off and there were capsules littering the floor. "Don't add to them. This isn't the answer, you know that."

"I'm sorry," she growled sarcastically, snatching the bottle away from him. "Obviously we have a different answer key, because it's the only thing I'm coming up with."

"I've already told you how badly I'd die if anything happened to you!"

"Oh, go cry to your boyfriend."

The look in his eyes was terribly hurt. But he shook his head and the dark disappointment clouding his eyes disappeared. He took the Advil from her again. "I'm going to ignore that. You touch these again, and I'm going to drive you to the hospital."

"I'm a big girl. I can deal with this myself."

"No you can't," he barked. "Exactly how many of those did you take?"

"I didn't take any," she told him abruptly. "I couldn't get the fucking thing open."

"How many would you have taken?"

"Enough," she replied.

"What do you mean, 'enough?'"

She snarled, "Think about it."

Ryder cursed under his breath. "You would do that, wouldn't you? You start feeling bad and you'd hurt yourself."

She snatched the pills from him again. "Fuck off."

"Come on, Ren, stop scaring me! You know I can help you!"

"You can't!"

"Give them to me," he said in a low voice, ignoring her.

"No! You can't help me, Elizabeth can't help me, and I just want this to fucking stop! This is what can help me!"

"Give them to me," he said again, this time slower.

"Ryder, please, you have to realize--"

"Maybe you are just weak." He stared at her angrily, his eyes narrowing. "Maybe you're just not strong enough to handle anything." He regretted it as soon as it came out of his mouth.

"Yeah, that's right, Ryder," she said.

"I'm sorry," he said hastily. "I didn't mean to say that. I know that you feel alone. Like no one cares about you. It's not true, but you just can't seem to understand that, I know. I know that your mind is a little…off-kilter lately. But honestly, is it so bad that you want to leave me too? And Elizabeth? And Chris?"

"I don't want to," she immediately told him weakly. "But nothing's going to get better. I'm a fuck up, Ryder. I just can't stop fucking up everything."

"You're too scared to breathe to fuck up, Ren," he whispered.

"I don't know what else to do." Her voice was barely audible and flooded with tears.

Sticking out his hand, Ryder said flatly, "Just give the pills to me. That's a start."

"I told you, no."

"Just--" He reached out and grabbed it, but she hung on. For someone so weak, she certainly was strong. "Ren! Fucking let go!"

"Don't pretend you care!" she cried. "Don't pretend! I'm so tired of people saying they care but never showing it! You haven't done anything for me yet!"

"I've loved you!" he yelled. "Isn't that enough?"

"I love you too, Ryder, but I can't do this anymore!"

"Can't do what anymore?" he shouted. "Feel sorry for yourself?"

She let go and slapped him.

"Go to Portland," Ryder told her, unfazed by the pink mark her hand had left on his face. "The person that's there is what you should be living for."

Her entire body giving way, she nodded, sobbing, and collapsed into her brother's arms.