Chapter 15 - He Doth Protest Too Much
The low, gravelly voice startled her, causing Jack to nearly jump out of her seat. "Riddick, I.I didn't know you were here." *Busted,* she thought, feeling the heat climb into her cheeks.
"Really? Lights on." The lights came on at twenty-five percent, but it was bright compared to the darkness before. Riddick stood there, arms crossed over his chest, and looked at her, his eyes gleaming in the soft light. She looked like a kid that had gotten caught sneaking into the kitchen after lights out or something, and he had to suppress a grin at her obvious discomfort. "You wanna tell me what you're doing here, then?" He leaned against the door leading out into the rest of the ship, effectively trapping her there.
*Oh, I am so busted,* she thought, swiveling the seat to face him. The question was, did she try to make up a lie that sounded good or go with the truth? Well, it was usually easier to deal with the consequences of telling the truth. "Ok, so I knew you were here." She squared her shoulders. "I wanted to see you again, and after the other night, well, I was afraid you might forget your promise."
*Well, she's got you there, Riddick.* But he wasn't ready to let her off the hook that easily. He was going to be here on the station for another two days, and he had to make her understand that it just wasn't the best idea for her to be hanging around. For either of them. "I didn't forget it. I told you up front that I don't do promises."
Jack sighed. She had been right about his intentions to leave without another word to her. How could he tell her he cared about her, kiss her like that, and just leave? "You wouldn't even have said goodbye?" she asked quietly, already knowing the answer.
Riddick was starting to feel like he was the one in the wrong here. How had that happened? Wasn't she the one that broke into his ship? He frowned down at her. "Is that what you came here for? A goodbye?"
"No!" She threw her hands up in frustration. "I wanted to know why the hell you kissed me like that, then just walked away?"
*Shit. Why do women always ask the hard questions?* "You wanted a good night kiss, so I gave you one. That's it." He shrugged almost imperceptibly. "So what do you want from me? Everyone wants something, what do you want?"
That deflated Jack considerably. "I just want to be with you. I want to go with you. I know I can help you if you'd just let me, I'm a pretty good engineer and a pretty good hacker." Her voice sounded very small, even to her own ears. She had to let him know how she felt, find out if it made any difference to him. "I love you."
Riddick ran a calloused hand over his head, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. *Damnit!* He just couldn't get a break here. When he opened his eyes again, the look she was giving him kicked him in the stomach. Why couldn't she just be content with the life she had? It was a pretty damn good one from what he'd seen. "Jack, you are still a kid, you don't know what you want out of life yet. You've been out of school what, six months? You don't even know what real life is like yet. You sure as hell don't want to come into my fucked up version of a life. Trust me on this, I've been living it for 43 years now, it ain't a picnic."
Jack pushed herself angrily from the co-pilot's seat and came to stand toe to toe with him, having to look up just a bit to look him in the eye. Anger bled through the myriad of other emotions clouding her mind. He hadn't even acknowledged her admission that she loved him. "Goddamnit, Riddick. I'm 25 years old. I'm old enough to know what I want, and all I've ever wanted was to be with you."
"Then you don't want enough for yourself," he countered, still trying to keep his anger in check. "I want more than that for you and since I'm older I get to choose what I think is best."
The audacity of the man. Who did he think he was? Who did he think she was? She was an adult; she didn't need someone else telling her how to live her life. "That shit might have worked when I was twelve, it doesn't now."
"Ok, how about this." He felt his hold on his temper slipping. "It's my fucking ship and I decide who gets to ride in her. You don't! Case closed."
Jack looked him in the eyes, searching the silver/blue depths for some clue as to what was going on in his mind. "What are you so afraid of? Me? Actually having to open up to another human on a personal level? Feeling something again? What?"
He let a stony expression fall over his face. "That's assuming I ever felt anything in the first place." She had spirit, standing toe to toe with him like that. Looking him in the eye, even if she had to look up to do it. He admired her, and he cared about her and what happened to her. He didn't want her to throw away her life because she thought she loved him. He wasn't worth that. "Jack, I'm not some fantasy lover like one of your books. I'm not a pirate with a heart of gold who's going to come in and sweep you off your feet and take you to some island paradise where we'll settle down, run around naked in the sun, and have fifteen kids. I'm a wanted man. That life doesn't allow for what you're asking for." *Or what you deserve,* he added silently. "Everywhere I turn I have to watch my back, I can't watch yours too."
Had she been thinking of him in those terms? Was that what she wanted? No, she just wanted to be with him so she didn't feel empty anymore. She didn't really care where she had to go, as long as it was with him. But he was so damned stubborn, what was his problem anyway? It wasn't like every person in the galaxy was gunning for him. "Get over yourself, Riddick. It's been what, 18 years since you escaped? No one remembers you. No one knows who you are and no one gives a shit. The only people who care if you are alive or dead are bounty hunters and mercs, and then only the old- timers who want to go out with a bang or the newbies who want to make a name for themselves by catching a legend." She crossed her arms over her chest, unconsciously mirroring his stance. "Richard B. Riddick who escaped 18 years ago and has managed to kill every hunter sent after him. Most normal, everyday people don't even know who you are. I bet the Company doesn't even remember why they put the contract out on you in the first place. I think you might be a little delusional about your own importance in the universe."
He cocked an eyebrow at her, wondering if she realized she was mimicking him. "You have been harboring fantasies about a common criminal for 13 years and I'm delusional? You said so yourself, I'm nothing special, so what does it matter if I don't take you with me?"
Jack didn't have a good answer for that, she was just spouting off the top of her head, she hadn't actually meant any of it, but he'd stung her and she lashed out. How do you gracefully back away from insulting someone like that? "You've never been a common criminal to me."
Grabbing the doorframe over his head to keep from reaching out and shaking some sense into her, he laughed mockingly at her. "No, you've got some fucked up idea that I'm this knight in tarnished armor. I'm not. I'm just a guy trying to live from one day to the next and if I have to kill people to do that I will."
Jack could feel the tears burning, unshed, behind her eyes. She was more than angry now, she was hurt, and that was twice as dangerous. "You are such a fucking coward. I always thought you were so strong, so brave, but you are just another chickenshit has-been who can't do anything but run. You won't even stand and fight for yourself anymore. I could help you, but you won't let me."
He felt the leash on his temper snap, felt the anger washing through him. His muscles tensing, he hit the wall beside Jack's head, probably denting the bulkhead, he knew he could feel the pain already pulsing in his knuckles. His voice dropped deathly low, little more than a growl. "What the hell do you think I've been doing for the past 18 goddamned years of my life, Jack? Fighting for my fucking life. I'm tired of fighting, I just want to be left the hell alone by everyone, including you!" Riddick hated losing his temper, it never turned out well. The last time he'd lost his temper, he'd killed someone and hadn't even known it until he felt the man's blood on his hands.
Jack had never seen him this angry before; he'd never even raised his voice to her before. She was sorry she'd let her own anger carry her away, Imam had always told her it would be her undoing. *I guess he was right.* "Let me help you," she said quietly. "Maybe I can find something in the computers, something you can use against the Company."
"Just get out, Jack." Riddick moved back away from the door, his muscles still singing with the force of his anger. "I only do about one decent thing a decade, and I figure HG set me up for about twenty years of good deeds, so I'm not really due one for another seven years." He didn't want to hurt Jack, not physically, but if he had to hurt her emotionally to get her to come to her senses, he would. "This is a freebie. Get the hell out before you get hurt."
Jack felt a tear trace down her face. Why did he have to be so stubborn? It must show he cared for her at least a little if he was so concerned about her well-being, right? She had to believe that, otherwise her life and her heart were about to fall dramatically apart. Stepping out into the corridor, she didn't turn to leave; instead she stood in front of him. One of them had to give in, and it wasn't going to be her. Despite the tears, there was a serene expression on her face as she looked up at him. "I know you won't hurt me," she said quietly, "even if you don't."
Reaching out slowly, she took his injured hand in hers, the knuckles were red and raw from the impact, and she was pretty sure they'd be bruised later. She could feel the muscles of his arm almost shaking from the tension in them. Running her fingertips lightly over the damaged skin, she felt him shiver, almost imperceptibly, though when she looked at him his face was still a stony mask. She thought he looked almost like a dragon, standing there with his jaw clenched tightly, and breathing heavily through his nose, nostrils flaring.
Her eyes never left his as she brought his large hand to her lips, placing a soft kiss on his middle knuckle. Sliding the tip of her tongue over the marred flesh she could taste the coppery tinge of blood just beneath the surface of the scraped skin. She smiled as his eyes closed, his mouth opening enough for him to let out a ragged breath as he touched the tip of his tongue to the corner of his mouth. When he opened them again, all traces of anger had vanished, replaced by a dark desire. She felt her heart pounding in her chest as he looked down at her.
Riddick watched her with something like detached fascination, trying to keep himself separated from what he was feeling, but it wasn't working. When she kissed the broken skin of his hand, he felt the anger draining from him, replaced by something a lot more dangerous. Jack didn't know what kind of fire she was playing with. Threading his long fingers through the silky skeins of her hair, he cupped the back of her head in one big hand and pulled her closer. Leaning down, he captured her mouth with his in a bruising, heated kiss that had as much to do with control as passion.
The low, gravelly voice startled her, causing Jack to nearly jump out of her seat. "Riddick, I.I didn't know you were here." *Busted,* she thought, feeling the heat climb into her cheeks.
"Really? Lights on." The lights came on at twenty-five percent, but it was bright compared to the darkness before. Riddick stood there, arms crossed over his chest, and looked at her, his eyes gleaming in the soft light. She looked like a kid that had gotten caught sneaking into the kitchen after lights out or something, and he had to suppress a grin at her obvious discomfort. "You wanna tell me what you're doing here, then?" He leaned against the door leading out into the rest of the ship, effectively trapping her there.
*Oh, I am so busted,* she thought, swiveling the seat to face him. The question was, did she try to make up a lie that sounded good or go with the truth? Well, it was usually easier to deal with the consequences of telling the truth. "Ok, so I knew you were here." She squared her shoulders. "I wanted to see you again, and after the other night, well, I was afraid you might forget your promise."
*Well, she's got you there, Riddick.* But he wasn't ready to let her off the hook that easily. He was going to be here on the station for another two days, and he had to make her understand that it just wasn't the best idea for her to be hanging around. For either of them. "I didn't forget it. I told you up front that I don't do promises."
Jack sighed. She had been right about his intentions to leave without another word to her. How could he tell her he cared about her, kiss her like that, and just leave? "You wouldn't even have said goodbye?" she asked quietly, already knowing the answer.
Riddick was starting to feel like he was the one in the wrong here. How had that happened? Wasn't she the one that broke into his ship? He frowned down at her. "Is that what you came here for? A goodbye?"
"No!" She threw her hands up in frustration. "I wanted to know why the hell you kissed me like that, then just walked away?"
*Shit. Why do women always ask the hard questions?* "You wanted a good night kiss, so I gave you one. That's it." He shrugged almost imperceptibly. "So what do you want from me? Everyone wants something, what do you want?"
That deflated Jack considerably. "I just want to be with you. I want to go with you. I know I can help you if you'd just let me, I'm a pretty good engineer and a pretty good hacker." Her voice sounded very small, even to her own ears. She had to let him know how she felt, find out if it made any difference to him. "I love you."
Riddick ran a calloused hand over his head, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. *Damnit!* He just couldn't get a break here. When he opened his eyes again, the look she was giving him kicked him in the stomach. Why couldn't she just be content with the life she had? It was a pretty damn good one from what he'd seen. "Jack, you are still a kid, you don't know what you want out of life yet. You've been out of school what, six months? You don't even know what real life is like yet. You sure as hell don't want to come into my fucked up version of a life. Trust me on this, I've been living it for 43 years now, it ain't a picnic."
Jack pushed herself angrily from the co-pilot's seat and came to stand toe to toe with him, having to look up just a bit to look him in the eye. Anger bled through the myriad of other emotions clouding her mind. He hadn't even acknowledged her admission that she loved him. "Goddamnit, Riddick. I'm 25 years old. I'm old enough to know what I want, and all I've ever wanted was to be with you."
"Then you don't want enough for yourself," he countered, still trying to keep his anger in check. "I want more than that for you and since I'm older I get to choose what I think is best."
The audacity of the man. Who did he think he was? Who did he think she was? She was an adult; she didn't need someone else telling her how to live her life. "That shit might have worked when I was twelve, it doesn't now."
"Ok, how about this." He felt his hold on his temper slipping. "It's my fucking ship and I decide who gets to ride in her. You don't! Case closed."
Jack looked him in the eyes, searching the silver/blue depths for some clue as to what was going on in his mind. "What are you so afraid of? Me? Actually having to open up to another human on a personal level? Feeling something again? What?"
He let a stony expression fall over his face. "That's assuming I ever felt anything in the first place." She had spirit, standing toe to toe with him like that. Looking him in the eye, even if she had to look up to do it. He admired her, and he cared about her and what happened to her. He didn't want her to throw away her life because she thought she loved him. He wasn't worth that. "Jack, I'm not some fantasy lover like one of your books. I'm not a pirate with a heart of gold who's going to come in and sweep you off your feet and take you to some island paradise where we'll settle down, run around naked in the sun, and have fifteen kids. I'm a wanted man. That life doesn't allow for what you're asking for." *Or what you deserve,* he added silently. "Everywhere I turn I have to watch my back, I can't watch yours too."
Had she been thinking of him in those terms? Was that what she wanted? No, she just wanted to be with him so she didn't feel empty anymore. She didn't really care where she had to go, as long as it was with him. But he was so damned stubborn, what was his problem anyway? It wasn't like every person in the galaxy was gunning for him. "Get over yourself, Riddick. It's been what, 18 years since you escaped? No one remembers you. No one knows who you are and no one gives a shit. The only people who care if you are alive or dead are bounty hunters and mercs, and then only the old- timers who want to go out with a bang or the newbies who want to make a name for themselves by catching a legend." She crossed her arms over her chest, unconsciously mirroring his stance. "Richard B. Riddick who escaped 18 years ago and has managed to kill every hunter sent after him. Most normal, everyday people don't even know who you are. I bet the Company doesn't even remember why they put the contract out on you in the first place. I think you might be a little delusional about your own importance in the universe."
He cocked an eyebrow at her, wondering if she realized she was mimicking him. "You have been harboring fantasies about a common criminal for 13 years and I'm delusional? You said so yourself, I'm nothing special, so what does it matter if I don't take you with me?"
Jack didn't have a good answer for that, she was just spouting off the top of her head, she hadn't actually meant any of it, but he'd stung her and she lashed out. How do you gracefully back away from insulting someone like that? "You've never been a common criminal to me."
Grabbing the doorframe over his head to keep from reaching out and shaking some sense into her, he laughed mockingly at her. "No, you've got some fucked up idea that I'm this knight in tarnished armor. I'm not. I'm just a guy trying to live from one day to the next and if I have to kill people to do that I will."
Jack could feel the tears burning, unshed, behind her eyes. She was more than angry now, she was hurt, and that was twice as dangerous. "You are such a fucking coward. I always thought you were so strong, so brave, but you are just another chickenshit has-been who can't do anything but run. You won't even stand and fight for yourself anymore. I could help you, but you won't let me."
He felt the leash on his temper snap, felt the anger washing through him. His muscles tensing, he hit the wall beside Jack's head, probably denting the bulkhead, he knew he could feel the pain already pulsing in his knuckles. His voice dropped deathly low, little more than a growl. "What the hell do you think I've been doing for the past 18 goddamned years of my life, Jack? Fighting for my fucking life. I'm tired of fighting, I just want to be left the hell alone by everyone, including you!" Riddick hated losing his temper, it never turned out well. The last time he'd lost his temper, he'd killed someone and hadn't even known it until he felt the man's blood on his hands.
Jack had never seen him this angry before; he'd never even raised his voice to her before. She was sorry she'd let her own anger carry her away, Imam had always told her it would be her undoing. *I guess he was right.* "Let me help you," she said quietly. "Maybe I can find something in the computers, something you can use against the Company."
"Just get out, Jack." Riddick moved back away from the door, his muscles still singing with the force of his anger. "I only do about one decent thing a decade, and I figure HG set me up for about twenty years of good deeds, so I'm not really due one for another seven years." He didn't want to hurt Jack, not physically, but if he had to hurt her emotionally to get her to come to her senses, he would. "This is a freebie. Get the hell out before you get hurt."
Jack felt a tear trace down her face. Why did he have to be so stubborn? It must show he cared for her at least a little if he was so concerned about her well-being, right? She had to believe that, otherwise her life and her heart were about to fall dramatically apart. Stepping out into the corridor, she didn't turn to leave; instead she stood in front of him. One of them had to give in, and it wasn't going to be her. Despite the tears, there was a serene expression on her face as she looked up at him. "I know you won't hurt me," she said quietly, "even if you don't."
Reaching out slowly, she took his injured hand in hers, the knuckles were red and raw from the impact, and she was pretty sure they'd be bruised later. She could feel the muscles of his arm almost shaking from the tension in them. Running her fingertips lightly over the damaged skin, she felt him shiver, almost imperceptibly, though when she looked at him his face was still a stony mask. She thought he looked almost like a dragon, standing there with his jaw clenched tightly, and breathing heavily through his nose, nostrils flaring.
Her eyes never left his as she brought his large hand to her lips, placing a soft kiss on his middle knuckle. Sliding the tip of her tongue over the marred flesh she could taste the coppery tinge of blood just beneath the surface of the scraped skin. She smiled as his eyes closed, his mouth opening enough for him to let out a ragged breath as he touched the tip of his tongue to the corner of his mouth. When he opened them again, all traces of anger had vanished, replaced by a dark desire. She felt her heart pounding in her chest as he looked down at her.
Riddick watched her with something like detached fascination, trying to keep himself separated from what he was feeling, but it wasn't working. When she kissed the broken skin of his hand, he felt the anger draining from him, replaced by something a lot more dangerous. Jack didn't know what kind of fire she was playing with. Threading his long fingers through the silky skeins of her hair, he cupped the back of her head in one big hand and pulled her closer. Leaning down, he captured her mouth with his in a bruising, heated kiss that had as much to do with control as passion.