Author's Note: A fic centering on my two favorite androids and the daughter of one of them. The inspiration for this came from a volume of the *uncensored* Arabian Nights stories, some of which were pretty racy. And Juunana, being the evil guy that he is . . . well, let's just say that it was a rather obvious connection.
Disclaimers: Dragonball Z, all associated characters and concepts, belong to Akira Toriyama. "The Jar" belongs to Ray Bradbury, and the Arabian Nights belong to . . . uh . . . someone who's definitely not me. That's all I know.
I DREAM OF DENDE
"It was just one of those things," Juunanagou narrated coolly, seemingly oblivous to the nervous and frightened expression of his niece, "That travelling carnivals, on the outskirts of a sleepy little town, often have. One of those dead things in alcohol plasma, drifting aimlessly for all eternity, peeled eyes staring without sight at the world around it . . . "
Marron shivered. "Can you tell me a different story, Uncle Seventeen?" she asked, scrunching up in the blankets and staring around her with wide four-year-old eyes. "Sumthin' that Mister Bradbury didn't write?"
Juunanagou grinned. "Sure, kiddo. What do you want to hear?"
"How 'bout . . . " Marron wrinkled her nose, obviously thinking hard. "A fairy tale!"
"Alright, I know a lot of really good fairy tales." Juunanagou patted the little blonde's head gently, seeming to reassure her. In fact, he was still grinning inside. Six or seven years was a long time to repress one's evil instincts, and he had just stopped trying when Juuhachigou had ordered him to tell Marron a bedtime story. He turned a page in the small, yellowed volume, scanning for something that would either knock her fuschia socks off or fill her with a lot of inappropriate questions. Ah, the joys of unclehood. "Here's a neat one- it comes all the way from Arabia."
"Really? What's it called?"
"The Porter and the Fallen Women of Baghdad."
"Great!"
Two hours later, Juuhachigou was interrupted by a pattering of feet on the kitchen floor. Turning away from her dishwashing, she beheld a wide-eyed and curious Marron, with a snickering Juunanagou behind her. Suddenly, Juuhachigou was hoping her husband would be home soon.
"Marron! What are you doing up?" The android glowered suspiciously at her brother, who replied with a completely innocent look that fooled absolutely nobody.
"I just wanted to ask you a question, momma." Marron replied, crossing her small arms in a way that just screamed 'Krillin.' Juuhachigou rolled her eyes, sighed, and gave in. She could never deny her little girl anything, especially when the four-year-old did that.
"Alright, honey. What is it?"
"Momma, what's a eunuch?"
Sweatdrop.
"You were telling her the uncensored Arabian Nights?!" Juuhachigou demanded, hauling her brother up by his long black hair. Juunanagou winced and tried to pull himself out of her grip, but against the strength of outraged motherhood, the jinzouningen was helpless. It was ten minutes after the fatal question, Marron had been packed off to bed with a completely untrue answer, and the blonde was torturing information out of the situation's instigator.
"Owwww, shit! Put me down!" Juunanagou yelled. Not wanting her precious little girl to pick up bad language, Juuhachigou assented- dropping him three feet to the tiled floor. Juunanagou fell on his rear, cursed, and clambered back to his feet again. This time, Juuhachigou seized him by his prized orange bandanna. "She asked for a fairy tale, sis!"
"The Arabian Nights HARDLY qualify, you butthead! You're just lucky she didn't pick up on any of the other terms, or you, mister, would be in very very very very very very VERY deep shit, got it?! Just wait 'til I tell Krillin about this! The girl could be scarred for life!"
"I- leggo!- doubt it," Juunanagou replied distractedly, prying at the hands which clutched his bandanna. "Look, she's four, she'll forget it. I skimmed or censored most of those parts anyway."
Slightly reassured, Juuhachigou loosened her grip. "Which ones did you read to her, anyway?" she asked.
"Um- Kalifah the Fisherman, Judar and His Brothers, The King of the Black Isles, The Fisherman and the Jinnee, The Young Woman of Baghdad and Her Five Lovers, most of Sinbad the Sail-"
"WHAT?! F- five- FIVE LOVERS?"
"Yeah. So?"
"KIIIIIIIIISAAAAAMAAAAAAA!"
Meanwhile, in her bedroom, Marron tossed and turned. She could hear her momma and her uncle Juu fighting, and that wasn't nice. She hated it when they shouted- it was loud, and scary. To try and divert herself, she rolled over (away from the door) and started thinking about all the funny stories Uncle Juu had told her.
They weren't bad stories, really. She had really liked the one about the lady and the five guys, although she kept mentally replacing all her extended uncles and aunts in place of the characters. That shouldn't be bad- after all, there wasn't anything wrong with imagining, right? Soon, the little girl drifted off to sleep, her mind teeming with funny images . . .
Sequence One: The Android and Her Five Z-Senshi
Once upon a time, in a farway city, there lived a beautiful blonde jinzouningen. Every man in town was in love with her, but she was married to a ki fighter named Krillin and always remained faithful to him. One day, however, Krillin had to go away to the Kame House for some reason and all the men came to her, trying to seduce her. However, she refused their advances, and called on her brother- also a jinzouningen, only with black hair- to protect her from the mob of rejected suitors. Her brother agreed eagerly, because he loved to fight, and went out and thrashed the whole bunch of them.
All the men he had beaten up weren't exactly thrilled about it, so they went to to the Governor- a Saiyan named Vegeta- to complain about it. Vegeta was a pretty nasty guy himself, so he threw the black-haired android in jail for multiple attempted homicides, making sure he couldn't escape by using a captured remote to deactivate him. The beautiful jinzouningen was worried about her brother, so she brought a petition to the governor, calling for his release. She greeted him humbly and handed him the scroll, which read: "My noble master, the young man Juunanagou, whom you have arrested and thrown into prison, is my brother and sole support. He is the victim of a villainous plot, for those who testified against him were false witnesses. I hereby beseech you to consider the justice of my cause and order his release."
When Governor Vegeta lifted his eyes and saw the blonde jinzouningen who had brought the scroll, he suddenly forgot that he had been married to the Lady Bulma for three years and was overcome with an intense desire for this mysterious android woman. "Wait in my harem," he told her, "While I write out the order for your brother's release. Then, I will visit you there and give it to you."
Now the jinzouningen was neither naive nor unworldly, and she knew exactly what the governor was thinking and answered: "You will be welcome, benevolent master, at my own house this evening. However, custom forbids me to enter a stranger's dwelling."
"And where is your house?" Vegeta demanded, perking up immediately.
She named the place. "I will await you at six o'clock this evening," she told him, and left quickly. She did not, however, hasten to the prison; instead, she went straight to the house of the Cadi, Bardock.
"I implore you, lord," she said, bowing low, "To listen to my plea; Kami will reward you."
"Sure- *slurp*- anything," Bardock replied, not looking up from his economy-sized dish of noodles. Once he did look up, however, he realized something . . . something along the lines of *Heeeey, she's cute! Wonder if I can . . . *
"Sir," she said, "My brother, the sole pillar of my house, has been imprisoned by the Governor on false charges; I implore you to order his release."
*Ooooh- a chance!* "Sure, I'll do that," Bardock replied eagerly. His mate was dead- no one would know if he got a little illicit lovin'. "Wait in the harem- I'll join you in a few minutes, 'kay?"
"Sire," the jinzouningen said, "You do me great honor; if you would come to my house this evening at six-ten, I would be glad to welcome you there."
"Great! It's a date!"
The beautiful jinzouningen then hastened to the palace of the Vizier Piccolo, and repeated her plea to him. Somehow, it slipped Piccolo's mind that Nameks were technically asexual, and he arranged to meet her at six-twenty, also at her house. King Goku was similarly suckered for six-thirty, and the jinzouningen walked out of the palace carrying a heavily-marked scroll that ordered Juunanagou's release by four different authorities. Once again, however, she did not go to the prison; her next destination was the Capsule Corporation, where she met with the leader, Turonkuso AKA Trunks.
"Trunks," she said in a businesslike manner that Trunks somehow found incredibly sexy, "I need a capsulized cabinet with four large compartments. They have to be big enough to hold a man, and each have a strong lock. What will that cost me?"
"Thirty zenni," Trunks replied, eyes fixated on her sizeable chest. "However, if you'll step into the back with me- it'll be no charge at all."
"In that case," the jinzouningen replied, "You'll be welcome at my house this evening- is six-forty good? But I just remembered . . . I need five compartments on that cabinet, not four."
"You got it!" Trunks exclaimed, making a note in his appointment calendar.
That evening, the jinzouningen waited in the front hall of herself, wearing a scandalously cut dress and lots of perfume. The Governor flew in, landing in her yard at promptly six o'clock, and the jinzouningen welcomed him into her house. They had just lain down on the couch, however, when a knock sounded on the door.
"What the-?" Vegeta growled.
"Oh, Kami! My husband!" The android exclaimed, feigning distress. "Quickly, sire- hide in this cabinet!"
"I don't like hiding," the governor grumbled, but he did as he was told. Being caught like this could ruin his political record, and besides Bulma would kill him if she found out. Having locked the first compartment on the Governor, the jinzouningen went to the door and welcomed the Cadi Bardock.
"Sire," she said, bowing low. "You do indeed favor me greatly. Come in- I am at your service."
Bardock was quite prepared to enjoy all of her, services included, but just when he was about to really get going . . . there was a knock on the door.
"What the hell was that?"
"My husband!" she moaned, seemingly frightened beyond belief. "My lord, you must hide!" And into the second compartment he went. When the visitor was admitted- the Vizier, Piccolo- a similar trick was played on him, with the now-predictable results. King Goku was even easier to fool; he didn't even want to sleep with her, he just wanted to make friends. But he went through Door #4 all the same, and the jinzouningen admitted Trunks into the hall.
"What kind of cabinet have you made me?!" she snapped. "Why, the compartments are so small, I can barely put my hand in them!"
"Nonsense!" Trunks protested. "It would hold three guys my size, easy!"
"Then prove it!"
So Trunks climbed into the fifth compartment, and the jinzouningen locked the door on him. Then she quickly packed up all her clothes, called the moving company, and went straight to the jail to fetch her brother.
"Get your stuff," she told him. "We're gonna have to move out to the Kame House for a while- I locked the kingdom's four senior officers in a cabinet."
"How- never mind, I don't want to know." Juunanagou didn't have much in the way of belongings- two pairs of tennis shoes, three sets of his normal outfit, and a comb just about did it- and the moving van had already encapsulated all the stuff in the house, so the move was pretty easy. For some reason, though, the jinzouningen told the moving men to leave the large cupboard behind . . .
Disclaimers: Dragonball Z, all associated characters and concepts, belong to Akira Toriyama. "The Jar" belongs to Ray Bradbury, and the Arabian Nights belong to . . . uh . . . someone who's definitely not me. That's all I know.
I DREAM OF DENDE
"It was just one of those things," Juunanagou narrated coolly, seemingly oblivous to the nervous and frightened expression of his niece, "That travelling carnivals, on the outskirts of a sleepy little town, often have. One of those dead things in alcohol plasma, drifting aimlessly for all eternity, peeled eyes staring without sight at the world around it . . . "
Marron shivered. "Can you tell me a different story, Uncle Seventeen?" she asked, scrunching up in the blankets and staring around her with wide four-year-old eyes. "Sumthin' that Mister Bradbury didn't write?"
Juunanagou grinned. "Sure, kiddo. What do you want to hear?"
"How 'bout . . . " Marron wrinkled her nose, obviously thinking hard. "A fairy tale!"
"Alright, I know a lot of really good fairy tales." Juunanagou patted the little blonde's head gently, seeming to reassure her. In fact, he was still grinning inside. Six or seven years was a long time to repress one's evil instincts, and he had just stopped trying when Juuhachigou had ordered him to tell Marron a bedtime story. He turned a page in the small, yellowed volume, scanning for something that would either knock her fuschia socks off or fill her with a lot of inappropriate questions. Ah, the joys of unclehood. "Here's a neat one- it comes all the way from Arabia."
"Really? What's it called?"
"The Porter and the Fallen Women of Baghdad."
"Great!"
Two hours later, Juuhachigou was interrupted by a pattering of feet on the kitchen floor. Turning away from her dishwashing, she beheld a wide-eyed and curious Marron, with a snickering Juunanagou behind her. Suddenly, Juuhachigou was hoping her husband would be home soon.
"Marron! What are you doing up?" The android glowered suspiciously at her brother, who replied with a completely innocent look that fooled absolutely nobody.
"I just wanted to ask you a question, momma." Marron replied, crossing her small arms in a way that just screamed 'Krillin.' Juuhachigou rolled her eyes, sighed, and gave in. She could never deny her little girl anything, especially when the four-year-old did that.
"Alright, honey. What is it?"
"Momma, what's a eunuch?"
Sweatdrop.
"You were telling her the uncensored Arabian Nights?!" Juuhachigou demanded, hauling her brother up by his long black hair. Juunanagou winced and tried to pull himself out of her grip, but against the strength of outraged motherhood, the jinzouningen was helpless. It was ten minutes after the fatal question, Marron had been packed off to bed with a completely untrue answer, and the blonde was torturing information out of the situation's instigator.
"Owwww, shit! Put me down!" Juunanagou yelled. Not wanting her precious little girl to pick up bad language, Juuhachigou assented- dropping him three feet to the tiled floor. Juunanagou fell on his rear, cursed, and clambered back to his feet again. This time, Juuhachigou seized him by his prized orange bandanna. "She asked for a fairy tale, sis!"
"The Arabian Nights HARDLY qualify, you butthead! You're just lucky she didn't pick up on any of the other terms, or you, mister, would be in very very very very very very VERY deep shit, got it?! Just wait 'til I tell Krillin about this! The girl could be scarred for life!"
"I- leggo!- doubt it," Juunanagou replied distractedly, prying at the hands which clutched his bandanna. "Look, she's four, she'll forget it. I skimmed or censored most of those parts anyway."
Slightly reassured, Juuhachigou loosened her grip. "Which ones did you read to her, anyway?" she asked.
"Um- Kalifah the Fisherman, Judar and His Brothers, The King of the Black Isles, The Fisherman and the Jinnee, The Young Woman of Baghdad and Her Five Lovers, most of Sinbad the Sail-"
"WHAT?! F- five- FIVE LOVERS?"
"Yeah. So?"
"KIIIIIIIIISAAAAAMAAAAAAA!"
Meanwhile, in her bedroom, Marron tossed and turned. She could hear her momma and her uncle Juu fighting, and that wasn't nice. She hated it when they shouted- it was loud, and scary. To try and divert herself, she rolled over (away from the door) and started thinking about all the funny stories Uncle Juu had told her.
They weren't bad stories, really. She had really liked the one about the lady and the five guys, although she kept mentally replacing all her extended uncles and aunts in place of the characters. That shouldn't be bad- after all, there wasn't anything wrong with imagining, right? Soon, the little girl drifted off to sleep, her mind teeming with funny images . . .
Sequence One: The Android and Her Five Z-Senshi
Once upon a time, in a farway city, there lived a beautiful blonde jinzouningen. Every man in town was in love with her, but she was married to a ki fighter named Krillin and always remained faithful to him. One day, however, Krillin had to go away to the Kame House for some reason and all the men came to her, trying to seduce her. However, she refused their advances, and called on her brother- also a jinzouningen, only with black hair- to protect her from the mob of rejected suitors. Her brother agreed eagerly, because he loved to fight, and went out and thrashed the whole bunch of them.
All the men he had beaten up weren't exactly thrilled about it, so they went to to the Governor- a Saiyan named Vegeta- to complain about it. Vegeta was a pretty nasty guy himself, so he threw the black-haired android in jail for multiple attempted homicides, making sure he couldn't escape by using a captured remote to deactivate him. The beautiful jinzouningen was worried about her brother, so she brought a petition to the governor, calling for his release. She greeted him humbly and handed him the scroll, which read: "My noble master, the young man Juunanagou, whom you have arrested and thrown into prison, is my brother and sole support. He is the victim of a villainous plot, for those who testified against him were false witnesses. I hereby beseech you to consider the justice of my cause and order his release."
When Governor Vegeta lifted his eyes and saw the blonde jinzouningen who had brought the scroll, he suddenly forgot that he had been married to the Lady Bulma for three years and was overcome with an intense desire for this mysterious android woman. "Wait in my harem," he told her, "While I write out the order for your brother's release. Then, I will visit you there and give it to you."
Now the jinzouningen was neither naive nor unworldly, and she knew exactly what the governor was thinking and answered: "You will be welcome, benevolent master, at my own house this evening. However, custom forbids me to enter a stranger's dwelling."
"And where is your house?" Vegeta demanded, perking up immediately.
She named the place. "I will await you at six o'clock this evening," she told him, and left quickly. She did not, however, hasten to the prison; instead, she went straight to the house of the Cadi, Bardock.
"I implore you, lord," she said, bowing low, "To listen to my plea; Kami will reward you."
"Sure- *slurp*- anything," Bardock replied, not looking up from his economy-sized dish of noodles. Once he did look up, however, he realized something . . . something along the lines of *Heeeey, she's cute! Wonder if I can . . . *
"Sir," she said, "My brother, the sole pillar of my house, has been imprisoned by the Governor on false charges; I implore you to order his release."
*Ooooh- a chance!* "Sure, I'll do that," Bardock replied eagerly. His mate was dead- no one would know if he got a little illicit lovin'. "Wait in the harem- I'll join you in a few minutes, 'kay?"
"Sire," the jinzouningen said, "You do me great honor; if you would come to my house this evening at six-ten, I would be glad to welcome you there."
"Great! It's a date!"
The beautiful jinzouningen then hastened to the palace of the Vizier Piccolo, and repeated her plea to him. Somehow, it slipped Piccolo's mind that Nameks were technically asexual, and he arranged to meet her at six-twenty, also at her house. King Goku was similarly suckered for six-thirty, and the jinzouningen walked out of the palace carrying a heavily-marked scroll that ordered Juunanagou's release by four different authorities. Once again, however, she did not go to the prison; her next destination was the Capsule Corporation, where she met with the leader, Turonkuso AKA Trunks.
"Trunks," she said in a businesslike manner that Trunks somehow found incredibly sexy, "I need a capsulized cabinet with four large compartments. They have to be big enough to hold a man, and each have a strong lock. What will that cost me?"
"Thirty zenni," Trunks replied, eyes fixated on her sizeable chest. "However, if you'll step into the back with me- it'll be no charge at all."
"In that case," the jinzouningen replied, "You'll be welcome at my house this evening- is six-forty good? But I just remembered . . . I need five compartments on that cabinet, not four."
"You got it!" Trunks exclaimed, making a note in his appointment calendar.
That evening, the jinzouningen waited in the front hall of herself, wearing a scandalously cut dress and lots of perfume. The Governor flew in, landing in her yard at promptly six o'clock, and the jinzouningen welcomed him into her house. They had just lain down on the couch, however, when a knock sounded on the door.
"What the-?" Vegeta growled.
"Oh, Kami! My husband!" The android exclaimed, feigning distress. "Quickly, sire- hide in this cabinet!"
"I don't like hiding," the governor grumbled, but he did as he was told. Being caught like this could ruin his political record, and besides Bulma would kill him if she found out. Having locked the first compartment on the Governor, the jinzouningen went to the door and welcomed the Cadi Bardock.
"Sire," she said, bowing low. "You do indeed favor me greatly. Come in- I am at your service."
Bardock was quite prepared to enjoy all of her, services included, but just when he was about to really get going . . . there was a knock on the door.
"What the hell was that?"
"My husband!" she moaned, seemingly frightened beyond belief. "My lord, you must hide!" And into the second compartment he went. When the visitor was admitted- the Vizier, Piccolo- a similar trick was played on him, with the now-predictable results. King Goku was even easier to fool; he didn't even want to sleep with her, he just wanted to make friends. But he went through Door #4 all the same, and the jinzouningen admitted Trunks into the hall.
"What kind of cabinet have you made me?!" she snapped. "Why, the compartments are so small, I can barely put my hand in them!"
"Nonsense!" Trunks protested. "It would hold three guys my size, easy!"
"Then prove it!"
So Trunks climbed into the fifth compartment, and the jinzouningen locked the door on him. Then she quickly packed up all her clothes, called the moving company, and went straight to the jail to fetch her brother.
"Get your stuff," she told him. "We're gonna have to move out to the Kame House for a while- I locked the kingdom's four senior officers in a cabinet."
"How- never mind, I don't want to know." Juunanagou didn't have much in the way of belongings- two pairs of tennis shoes, three sets of his normal outfit, and a comb just about did it- and the moving van had already encapsulated all the stuff in the house, so the move was pretty easy. For some reason, though, the jinzouningen told the moving men to leave the large cupboard behind . . .