Chapter 33 - Starlight, Starbright
Journal Entry - Thirtieth of June, Earth Year 3836
My eyes are opened,
And now I see.
What I loved in you,
Was only in me.
Closing the cloth cover of the journal Amy had given her, Jack sighed heavily. It had been a long time since she'd written anything about Riddick in a journal, almost exactly a year. When she'd turned twenty-five, she'd decided that half her life day-dreaming about a man that she would most likely never see again was more than enough. It had been that day that she'd decided to send the box and everything in it back to Imam. Not that she hadn't still thought about Riddick, but as time wore on she didn't think about him every day. At least not until he showed back up in her life again.
Jack sat on a large, flat, stone outcropping at the mouth of one of the many entrances to the underground city. Lying back, she pillowed her head on her arm. It was nice to look up at the stars again, even though they were all completely alien to her. The lack of any modern lights on the surface of the planet made the night sky all that much more crisp and clear. Not as clear as seeing them from space, but even so, stars just looked different through atmosphere. It was one of the things she'd missed most during her time on Orion Station. The house she shared with Imam in Wallaby Bay was well outside the city limits of Celedon and they had a spectacular view of the night sky, even if the stars weren't as bright as D2. She could remember lying in the garden behind her home with Imam and searching the stars, wondering which one of the many systems Riddick was traveling through right then. Ironic that now, millions of miles away from her home and searching an alien sky, she was still searching for the same answer.
"Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight." Jack laughed at herself as she recited the silly poem her Grandmother had taught her. She hadn't wished on the stars in a long, long time.
"You know, that sky doesn't change much, no matter how long you look at it." Doc's voice had startled her, and she winced as she quickly sat up. Doc frowned. "I didn't mean to scare you, sweetheart."
Jack smiled, sheepishly, rubbing absently at the scar just below her belly button. Sometimes if she moved wrong or pulled it, it still gave her a little pain. "It's not you, I just didn't expect anyone." In fact, everyone she knew right now was at a party at Akemi's house, and that's where she was supposed to be.
"Akemi sent me to look for you." Doc sat down next to her on the outcropping, letting his legs dangle over the side, his boots scraping in the dirt. "It's usually considered bad form to leave your own birthday party." A half smile turned up the corner of his mouth. "No one can eat cake until you blow out the candles."
Scooting over, Jack settled next to his side and laid her head on Doc's shoulder as his arm came around her back in a half hug. "I'm sorry, Doc. I just needed to be alone for a few minutes." The party had been a surprise from Akemi and Sloane. Jack had always had an easy time making friends and she had become close to the other hackers in the short seven weeks since Doc had introduced her to them. But just then she had wanted to be by herself. She knew, now, that Riddick wasn't coming back. It really didn't take a genius to figure that one out, but she'd still held out hope. And even though her mind knew it, the romantic dreamer inside her had hoped that she might get a special birthday present, or a granted wish. "The sky here is so beautiful. I'm going to miss it."
Doc sighed. "So you're leaving then?"
Jack was quiet for a moment before answering. "Yeah. I'd like to do something for D2, and all my friends here."
"Being a Hunter/Gatherer is dangerous, Jackie." He knew it was useless to talk her out of something once she set her mind to it, but he had to try. He and Amy had never had children of their own, and they'd grown quite fond of her. "You know we need engineers here on planet too."
"I know that, Doc, but I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself." Irritation flared under the surface, but it was hard to stay mad at Doc. Riddick on the other hand, well, she was becoming an expert at staying pissed at him. "And there's Corbett and Deni to take care of stuff here on planet, so I'm going to join the HGs and maybe I can do something actually useful with the skills I have."
He waited half a minute before pressing on. "And you know I promised Rick I'd keep you safe."
"If Riddick gave so much as half a shit about me he wouldn't keep leaving me with people to keep me 'safe' like some lost puppy left at a pound." She pulled away from Doc's comforting embrace. "And I think that's how Riddick sees me, too. Just some stray he picked up. He doesn't feel right leaving me to fend for myself, but he doesn't want to have to feed me either." She looked back at Doc, weariness older than her twenty-six years evident in her eyes. "I'm tired of being left at the pound, Doc."
"You know. Rick was here about eight years ago, it was an accident that he came here but I think maybe there are reasons for everything. He was pretty banged up, and I fixed him up again, but during the short time he was here we talked, actually talked about things. I could tell something was different about him."
"Riddick actually 'talked'?" She snorted. "I'd have to see that to believe it."
"Yeah, he did. He told me about the crash of the Hunter-Gratzner, about the planet and the other survivors. About you." He watched her, to see her reaction.
"He told you about me?" her voice was quiet. "What did he say?"
Doc smiled. He knew he had her attention now. "Lots of things. You impressed him, which is quite a feat because not many people do."
"I impressed him?" She could feel the anger that had been building over the last eight weeks slipping away, but she tried to hold onto it. She needed it. It was all she had. "I was twelve, how impressed could he have been?"
"You'd be surprised."
*Really?* "Tell me."
"He couldn't get over the fact that you were never afraid of him. And that you looked up to him, like a hero." Doc smiled as he remembered what Riddick had told him. 'And the little shit had the nerve to shave her head to look like me. Didn't care what anyone else thought about it either.' "He thought you were strong, and brave."
"He said that?" There was wonder in her voice. "About me?"
"Even then I could tell that he cared a lot about you." Doc put his arm around her again. "I think you managed to open a window in his heart and you crawled inside it and made a home there."
Jack sighed, running her fingers through her hair as the breeze blew long tendrils about her face. "But if he 'cares' so much about me, then why the hell does he keep leaving me?"
Doc shook his head, it was hard to make someone like Jack see the kind of logic that Riddick was working with. "Because he cares about you, honey. He's an escaped convict with bounty hunters and mercs on his ass all the time. He can't piss without looking over his shoulder. He wanted you to have a good life and a chance to be a kid."
"Yeah, I know. He gave me that speech. I understand why he left me with Imam before." *But this time was different.* There was hurt in her voice as she allowed herself to remember their time together on Orion Station. The kiss in her apartment, the afternoon he'd made love to her. She'd never been happier at any time in her life than lying in his arms and falling asleep. She'd thought in those few stolen moments that there had been something, that she'd seen some actual emotion flickering through those mercury eyes of his, but then he'd shut her out again. And then he'd left her on D2. "And I understand why he left this time, but why hasn't he come back?"
"Maybe he can't yet, but he will." Doc believed in his heart that if there were any way possible, Riddick would be back.
"I just don't understand him, Doc." She chewed on the inside of her lip as she thought about how much she should tell him, he probably didn't want to know the details any more than she wanted to tell them. "I told him I loved him and for about a minute, I thought he felt something for me. But I'm not so sure now."
Being a doctor, Doc was a good student of human behavior. Unless he missed his guess, his boy was feeling quite a bit for Jack, feeling things that scared the hell out of him. It didn't take a genius to figure out there was more there than just an overprotective streak on Riddick's part, but that was something he'd have to figure out for himself. Doc hugged Jack. "Baby girl, just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, or expect they should, it doesn't mean they don't love you with all they've got."
"And what if that's not enough?" She held tightly to Doc.
"That's going to be something you're going to have to decide," he told her quietly, hoping she'd make the right decision. He held her for a while, not saying anything, because he sensed she needed it. Finally, he pulled away from her, hooking his knuckle under her chin to make her look at him. "Now, why don't we go back and eat some of that birthday cake. You look like you need some." He smiled down at her. "Doctor's orders."
Journal Entry - Thirtieth of June, Earth Year 3836
My eyes are opened,
And now I see.
What I loved in you,
Was only in me.
Closing the cloth cover of the journal Amy had given her, Jack sighed heavily. It had been a long time since she'd written anything about Riddick in a journal, almost exactly a year. When she'd turned twenty-five, she'd decided that half her life day-dreaming about a man that she would most likely never see again was more than enough. It had been that day that she'd decided to send the box and everything in it back to Imam. Not that she hadn't still thought about Riddick, but as time wore on she didn't think about him every day. At least not until he showed back up in her life again.
Jack sat on a large, flat, stone outcropping at the mouth of one of the many entrances to the underground city. Lying back, she pillowed her head on her arm. It was nice to look up at the stars again, even though they were all completely alien to her. The lack of any modern lights on the surface of the planet made the night sky all that much more crisp and clear. Not as clear as seeing them from space, but even so, stars just looked different through atmosphere. It was one of the things she'd missed most during her time on Orion Station. The house she shared with Imam in Wallaby Bay was well outside the city limits of Celedon and they had a spectacular view of the night sky, even if the stars weren't as bright as D2. She could remember lying in the garden behind her home with Imam and searching the stars, wondering which one of the many systems Riddick was traveling through right then. Ironic that now, millions of miles away from her home and searching an alien sky, she was still searching for the same answer.
"Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight." Jack laughed at herself as she recited the silly poem her Grandmother had taught her. She hadn't wished on the stars in a long, long time.
"You know, that sky doesn't change much, no matter how long you look at it." Doc's voice had startled her, and she winced as she quickly sat up. Doc frowned. "I didn't mean to scare you, sweetheart."
Jack smiled, sheepishly, rubbing absently at the scar just below her belly button. Sometimes if she moved wrong or pulled it, it still gave her a little pain. "It's not you, I just didn't expect anyone." In fact, everyone she knew right now was at a party at Akemi's house, and that's where she was supposed to be.
"Akemi sent me to look for you." Doc sat down next to her on the outcropping, letting his legs dangle over the side, his boots scraping in the dirt. "It's usually considered bad form to leave your own birthday party." A half smile turned up the corner of his mouth. "No one can eat cake until you blow out the candles."
Scooting over, Jack settled next to his side and laid her head on Doc's shoulder as his arm came around her back in a half hug. "I'm sorry, Doc. I just needed to be alone for a few minutes." The party had been a surprise from Akemi and Sloane. Jack had always had an easy time making friends and she had become close to the other hackers in the short seven weeks since Doc had introduced her to them. But just then she had wanted to be by herself. She knew, now, that Riddick wasn't coming back. It really didn't take a genius to figure that one out, but she'd still held out hope. And even though her mind knew it, the romantic dreamer inside her had hoped that she might get a special birthday present, or a granted wish. "The sky here is so beautiful. I'm going to miss it."
Doc sighed. "So you're leaving then?"
Jack was quiet for a moment before answering. "Yeah. I'd like to do something for D2, and all my friends here."
"Being a Hunter/Gatherer is dangerous, Jackie." He knew it was useless to talk her out of something once she set her mind to it, but he had to try. He and Amy had never had children of their own, and they'd grown quite fond of her. "You know we need engineers here on planet too."
"I know that, Doc, but I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself." Irritation flared under the surface, but it was hard to stay mad at Doc. Riddick on the other hand, well, she was becoming an expert at staying pissed at him. "And there's Corbett and Deni to take care of stuff here on planet, so I'm going to join the HGs and maybe I can do something actually useful with the skills I have."
He waited half a minute before pressing on. "And you know I promised Rick I'd keep you safe."
"If Riddick gave so much as half a shit about me he wouldn't keep leaving me with people to keep me 'safe' like some lost puppy left at a pound." She pulled away from Doc's comforting embrace. "And I think that's how Riddick sees me, too. Just some stray he picked up. He doesn't feel right leaving me to fend for myself, but he doesn't want to have to feed me either." She looked back at Doc, weariness older than her twenty-six years evident in her eyes. "I'm tired of being left at the pound, Doc."
"You know. Rick was here about eight years ago, it was an accident that he came here but I think maybe there are reasons for everything. He was pretty banged up, and I fixed him up again, but during the short time he was here we talked, actually talked about things. I could tell something was different about him."
"Riddick actually 'talked'?" She snorted. "I'd have to see that to believe it."
"Yeah, he did. He told me about the crash of the Hunter-Gratzner, about the planet and the other survivors. About you." He watched her, to see her reaction.
"He told you about me?" her voice was quiet. "What did he say?"
Doc smiled. He knew he had her attention now. "Lots of things. You impressed him, which is quite a feat because not many people do."
"I impressed him?" She could feel the anger that had been building over the last eight weeks slipping away, but she tried to hold onto it. She needed it. It was all she had. "I was twelve, how impressed could he have been?"
"You'd be surprised."
*Really?* "Tell me."
"He couldn't get over the fact that you were never afraid of him. And that you looked up to him, like a hero." Doc smiled as he remembered what Riddick had told him. 'And the little shit had the nerve to shave her head to look like me. Didn't care what anyone else thought about it either.' "He thought you were strong, and brave."
"He said that?" There was wonder in her voice. "About me?"
"Even then I could tell that he cared a lot about you." Doc put his arm around her again. "I think you managed to open a window in his heart and you crawled inside it and made a home there."
Jack sighed, running her fingers through her hair as the breeze blew long tendrils about her face. "But if he 'cares' so much about me, then why the hell does he keep leaving me?"
Doc shook his head, it was hard to make someone like Jack see the kind of logic that Riddick was working with. "Because he cares about you, honey. He's an escaped convict with bounty hunters and mercs on his ass all the time. He can't piss without looking over his shoulder. He wanted you to have a good life and a chance to be a kid."
"Yeah, I know. He gave me that speech. I understand why he left me with Imam before." *But this time was different.* There was hurt in her voice as she allowed herself to remember their time together on Orion Station. The kiss in her apartment, the afternoon he'd made love to her. She'd never been happier at any time in her life than lying in his arms and falling asleep. She'd thought in those few stolen moments that there had been something, that she'd seen some actual emotion flickering through those mercury eyes of his, but then he'd shut her out again. And then he'd left her on D2. "And I understand why he left this time, but why hasn't he come back?"
"Maybe he can't yet, but he will." Doc believed in his heart that if there were any way possible, Riddick would be back.
"I just don't understand him, Doc." She chewed on the inside of her lip as she thought about how much she should tell him, he probably didn't want to know the details any more than she wanted to tell them. "I told him I loved him and for about a minute, I thought he felt something for me. But I'm not so sure now."
Being a doctor, Doc was a good student of human behavior. Unless he missed his guess, his boy was feeling quite a bit for Jack, feeling things that scared the hell out of him. It didn't take a genius to figure out there was more there than just an overprotective streak on Riddick's part, but that was something he'd have to figure out for himself. Doc hugged Jack. "Baby girl, just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, or expect they should, it doesn't mean they don't love you with all they've got."
"And what if that's not enough?" She held tightly to Doc.
"That's going to be something you're going to have to decide," he told her quietly, hoping she'd make the right decision. He held her for a while, not saying anything, because he sensed she needed it. Finally, he pulled away from her, hooking his knuckle under her chin to make her look at him. "Now, why don't we go back and eat some of that birthday cake. You look like you need some." He smiled down at her. "Doctor's orders."