The Choice To Love

Authors Note: I can not believe that I'm doing this… It's so completely unlike me… but, sometimes a story idea won't leave you alone. Thank god for pen names. Any way here's my story.

Chapter One:

Impossible

Squall lay on his back, limbs sprawled haphazardly over his massive bed. He wasn't about to delude himself that sleep was coming. For the past week now he'd barely slept or ate. He wasn't in the strictest sense of the word starving himself, and had no real premeditation to harming himself. His body wouldn't let him sleep, and his mind had been often too occupied to remember food. His friends simply figured he was entering a strong internal dialogue phase that would phase out as quickly as it had appeared. In the mean time they placed food in front of him periodically and he eat mechanically.

God knew he'd tried to tear himself from this deep reflection, but there was something he had to figure out first. Thoughts he should never have had that needed to be controlled…

With an exasperated sigh he shoved the blankets from him. They were just smothering him and would serve no purpose sense it didn't look like he'd be sleeping anyway. He sat up, wincing a little at a back muscle he'd sprained the other day. It was nuisance that could be easily massaged away…if he could've bloody reached that spot. So out of pride and a few other things he'd simply ignored the pain theses past few days, though it hadn't made trying to get sleep any easier. As he flicked on his dorm lights he wondered over one thing… why did fate torture him so much? Dangle the one thing he wanted within arms reach filling him with too much fear and pride to reach out and take it. He didn't get to dwell over this long, however. Shortly after his light as on their was a muffled string of curses from next door and the shuffling of angry feet.

Even with his head in his hands Squall managed a smirk. After the defeat of Ultimacia Seifer had become another member of the 'gang'. He'd mellowed down a lot towards his friends, even though he still had the fighting spirit. It was almost as if he was tired of being such an arrogant ass all the time. Aside from the lingering temper, Squall didn't mind the change at all. It was more like the Seifer he could vaguely remember from the orphanage.

There was a brief slamming of doors and before the angry blond could storm into his room Squall remembered how dorm construction had caused Seifer, to his apparent displeasure, to be relocated right next to Squall. "Here it comes…" Squall murmured silently to himself as Seifer in boxers, a t-shirt and ruffled hair stalked into the room.

"Do you have any idea exactly what time it is?!" Seifer hissed dangerously at the Brunette. Squall chuckled softly, with almost a biting tone as he turned to face the angry blond.

"I don't know Seifer. 3? 4 AM? Enlighten me please."

Seifer growled dangerously, "If you know how late it is than why in gods name are you still up? Still keeping me up! You know your stupid light leaks through the walls!"

Squall just shook his head and tried for the thousandth time to massage the pain out of his back, and failed miserably. "Whatev-" he started but never finished. There was a rustle of fabric and the there were hands on his back. Running up and down it in an examining fashion.

"You've pulled quite a few muscles…" Seifer mused, his voice thick with sleepiness and concentration. His hands hesitated a moment before rubbing the knots of Squalls muscles in a similar massage Squall himself would've done if he could reach the spot. "Why didn't you go to the damned infirmary or at least ask one of us for help?" Seifer said in a scolding tone full more of concern than discipline. It was surprising how fast the group had reformed all their old friendships just like they'd been at the orphanage, with the addition of a few others of course. As stubborn and afraid that it would all fade away one day Squall had to admit to himself that he liked having people to count on. Even if it was just for now. He would take whatever the hands of fate dealt him and try to make do.

"Because it's not that bad," Squall insisted. Even as he said this he arched his back into Seifer's hands to allow him better access to all his aching muscles. He still wouldn't ask his friends for help, but at least he didn't refuse it when it was offered anymore.

Seifer just shook his head and continued with the back rub, waiting until all the knots had given way. When they had his hands stilled on the small of Squalls back for a few moments. Call it morbid curiosity, but he just had to ask. "All this isn't because of Rinoa is it?" He asked tentatively.

"No," Squall murmured, leaning on the headboard, almost half asleep. Seifer knew this would be the best time to get truthful answers out of him and he didn't feel the slightest bit of guilt about using it to his advantage. Just when Seifer thought he'd fallen asleep or into another interior monologue Squall spoke up again. "I told you and everybody else a dozen times, Rinoa is not my girlfriend. She's more like another member of family I never knew or something. Like another sister. Seems fitting that she went of with Sis and Laguna to help rebuild the cities destroyed by Ultimacia. They all have such big hearts." Squall paused a moment. "If your asking me if I miss them … yes, of course I do, but they do come to visit fairly often."

Seifer only nodded. At least he knew what wasn't bothering Squall. Now only if he knew what was. Even with their growing friendship he never got much out of Squall. It wasn't until he felt the vibration of the light snoring in Squalls back that he realized his companion had fallen asleep. With a little role of his eyes he shifted Squall so that he was in a better position for sleeping. Once that was done he didn't hesitate to lean down on the bed and close his eyes for a moment, not knowing that when he opened his eyes again that it'd be well into the morning and things would be a lot more complicated…