Chapter 4
Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Thank God. Not Sydney. Irina had taken so much from him – he could not have borne losing the one scrap of comfort he had. He opened them to see Elsa watching him closely, understanding and a hint of compassion in her eyes. Suddenly he felt an overpowering need to get out of the room, away from the gaze of this Russian spy who was not his wife, but knew so much about him. He didn't want her pity. "I'm taking a break," he muttered, turning on his heel and leaving the room.
He wandered blindly down the corridor, stopping only to drink from the water fountain, his mouth suddenly dry. He found an empty room and stepped inside, finding the dimness of the lightless room soothing. Snatches of the earlier conversation rippled through his head… "studied your case file"… "spectacularly successful"… "rewrote the book"… "handler's notes"… "hotel room"…He knew that he wasn't compartmentalizing well, knew he hadn't been for weeks. He wasn't even sure why he was asking Elsa Caplan these questions – while he was learning much about Irina's thought process 30 years ago, he was no closer to finding her now. He briefly considered calling Sydney to finish the debriefing, then dismissed it. He had many failings as a father, but exposing her to Caplan's revelations about her mother would not be one of them. Jack took several deep breaths, then squared his shoulders and headed back to the debriefing room.
Elsa was still sitting at the table, composed, hands folded together on the table. She looked up and studied Jack as he re-entered. He appeared to have regained control, his face once more an impassive mask. Elsa reflected on the differences between the man in front of her now and the laughing, adoring husband she had imagined from Irina's notes. She had recognized him from his pictures. She would never have recognized him from Irina's description.
Jack cleared his throat. "We were discussing the protocols for your mission," he said levelly.
"There were several other changes that Irina recommended as her assignment progressed that were incorporated into my mission," Elsa responded. "The first was about 3 years in. She had… extracted… information about an upcoming mission in which you were to be involved. Syria, I think." Elsa looked up at Jack to see if he remembered, and saw him watching her intently. "The KGB counter mission did not go as planned. They were surprised and there was a firefight. You were badly injured."
Jack remembered the Syrian mission. Remembered waking up in a hospital, Laura holding his hand, tears of joy in her eyes. He had been so comforted, having her there next to him. She had scarcely left his side until he had been able to leave. The tears, he realized now, had been tears of guilt.
"Derevko was livid. Her first transmission following the incident challenged the parentage of the officer in charge of the counter mission. Later communications were more moderate in tone, pointing out that, as her husband, you were worth far more to the KGB alive than dead. The incident touched off a turf war within the KGB, which was eventually won by the undercover unit. Irina was not asked to provide information on your upcoming missions again, and efforts were made to assure some level of protection for you when you were abroad. The same provisions were made for Neil."
Jack's head snapped up. "You want me to believe that I was being 'protected' by the KGB all those years?" he exclaimed angrily.
"You would probably be a better judge than I. Your case file indicated that you developed a reputation for lucky escapes in those days."
Jack ground his teeth together. He cast his memory back over his missions. He had indeed had more than his share of luck in those early years. He had been rather proud of some of his getaways. How dare she, he thought with fury. His fingers itched with a sudden, overwhelming urge to throttle Irina.