Fidelius Week

by Weaver

Part Three of Seven

Starring Sexy!Sirius, Repentant!Peter, and one HavingSecondThoughts!DeathEater...

In which a woman pries rather more than is good for her, Lord Voldemort learns of the Potter's plans, and Sirius learns that sometimes dreams turn into nightmares in the light of day.

FRIDAY: SHADOWS OF THE PAST

In the way of dreams, it seemed perfectly natural to Sirius that he should wake to the warmth of Fin's body tangled with his own. She lay curved into him, her legs resting across his own and her head pillowed on his arm. Her dark hair felt as silky as ever against his skin.

He moved, and she opened her eyes. They seemed even more deeply green than he remembered, the faint depression in the middle of the faceted gemlike orbs more pronounced -- but no more human than they'd ever been. It was part of why he loved her, that exotic alien beauty, although he'd loved her even before he knew what she looked like.

"Fin," he whispered. "You came back."

"Oh, Sirius, I never left you." Her musical voice seemed to echo perfection. He was here, and she was with him, and this was how the world should always be.

"You died," he said, but the anguish those words carried was dulled and far away from the dream, and he couldn't shake the feeling of rightness that suffused him. "I - I missed you." His voice cracked, recalling the pain-filled years, but when she smiled everything was well again.

"Oh, you silly," she murmured. "Did you think a little thing like that could keep me from you?"

There didn't seem to be anything Sirius needed to say to that, so he said nothing, just pulled her closer and held her. She seemed thinner than he remembered, more fragile.

"I love you, Star," she whispered gently. "I'll always love you, no matter what happens."

Sirius took her triangular face in his large, coarse hands, wondering at the fineness of her skin and the delicacy of those elfin features. "Nothing's going to happen. Except maybe, this dream will end." A sharp pang cut through him. "I don't want it to end."

"All good things come to an end, Star." There was a quiet serenity in her features. "But maybe this doesn't have to." She sat up, her silky nightgown settling around her tiny figure. "I'm going to visit you today, Sirius. I need to talk to you. It's important. Don't be surprised when you see me."

Sirius reached up and cupped her face in his hands. "Fin, if I see you today, it will be the answer to my prayers."

She smiled, and reached a fine-boned hand out to touch the faint scar on his cheek. "Dreams can come true, Star. I will not fail you." As her fingers brushed the line of his scar, she faded from his sight, and a dazzling beam of sunlight blinded him...

"Wake up!" This voice was rough with anxiety, lacking the musicality of Fin's sweet tones. Sirius blinked away the haze -- the morning sunlight was shining full on his face, and the red-headed owner of the safe-house was bending over him. "You have to get moving!"

Banishing the embers of the dream, Sirius went from sleepy to full alert in a second. It was a skill he wished he hadn't had to learn.

"What's wrong?" He'd slept in his clothes, since he knew he'd be moving on in a hurry; he bent now to pull his long boots on. "What's happened?"

"We had a security breach - just about ten minutes ago - nothing seems to have happened yet, but you should be moving before anything does," the man said. He produced a large package from which the smell of mushrooms was rising. "My wife packed this for you to take, since you can't wait to eat here."

Sirius pulled his belt on, holstered his wand, and hastily concealed several knives in various places about his body. Taking the package with a grateful "Thanks!" he snatched his travelling cloak from the floor. "I'm Flooing?"

"They can trace Apparition too easily," the man said. "In the kitchen - the fire's going. Go to a Floo-Port before your next destination, so they can't hear where you're going -- got that?"

"Kitchen, Floo-Port, right. Thanks so much --" Sirius began hurriedly, but the man shoved him towards the stairs.

"Just go! You can thank us later!"

"Right," Sirius said, already half-way up the cellar stairs towards the kitchen. The flames in the fireplace were burning green: apparently the Mrs of the house had already Powdered them. From here, too, he could hear the wail of a broken perimeter charm -- just one, and by the sound of it, their visitor wasn't a corporeal one. He tossed a grateful smile towards the mistress of the house before diving into the flames.

"London Floo-Port!"

The friendly kitchen spun away behind him. He reached the Floo-Port and then, in quick succession, Moscow Port, Knockturn Alley Books, Azkaban guardhouse, and finally the Leaky Cauldron, where he pulled his hood up and sank anonymously into a chair in the shadowy corners of the pub. Barely five minutes had elapsed since he'd been woken by his host.

His oddly sharp dream returned freshly to his mind, filling him with pain and an unmeasurable, endless longing. Oh, Fin...

*

At the same time, Peter was waking slowly from an unhappy sleep. His dreams had been filled with shadowy threats, vague grey formlessness, and the faces of his friends. They had been dead.

He shuddered, pulling the blankets closer. He couldn't seem to forget the dream -- couldn't forget seeing James, Lily, Angel, Remus and Sirius staring accusingly at him from blank dead eyes, while worms wriggled cheerfully through their decayed flesh. If I let them die, I'm no better than the Death Eaters. I can't just wait helplessly any more! I have to do something. I have to move! He had never been at his best sitting around and thinking; action had always seemed easier to him.

The problem now was that there was no action to take. He could do nothing except wait, and see what You-Know-Who decided to do with him. Sitting up, Peter forced himself to let go of the horrific images that had plagued him all night. His mouth tasted as though he'd eaten old socks, and when he went to clean his teeth he saw how haggard he looked. I look like I've spent a night dreaming about horrible things that could happen to those who trust me, he thought wryly, glad that even the small act of cleaning his teeth seemed to restore a semblance of normality to the morning. He shaved and found a clean set of robes to wear, and in doing so managed to almost forget the sight of Lily and James rotting away in the dirt. Whatever happens isn't my fault any more. They chose me, so it's on their own heads. Voldemort makes me tell, I don't have a choice. If James were in my position he'd do the same. But that last justification stuck in Peter's throat; he knew James wouldn't ever betray anyone. It just wasn't in him. I wish I was more like James...

An idea struck him as he was running a comb through his hair, trying to make it spike the right way. I can't just do nothing. But I can try to warn them, at least... right?

Minutes later, he was Apparating to the centre of Godric's Hollow, as close as he could to the charms protecting the Potters' house.

*

Dear Albus

I'm not going to mince words -- I feel awfully guilty skulking behind shields like this. Is there any way I can rejoin you on the fighting front? I -

James scrunched up the parchment and threw it towards the bin, where it joined a heap of similar crumpled bits of paper. "I can't make it sound right!"

"That's because it's the wrong thing to do," Lily said serenely. "You know you have to stay with us, and you know Albus won't let you help him any further, because you've been targeted. So you may as well give up." She put down the cup of coffee she'd brought him and perched herself on the table beside him. "You're just trying to fill in time."

"I know." Sighing, James pushed the rest of the parchment away and dropped his quill on the top of it. Lily slipped her hands around his shoulders and began massaging him. "That can't stop me wishing I was able to do more to help them. I feel guilty about just hiding here."

"We've only been hidden for a day, and you're already fretting? Consider it a well-earned holiday, Mr Potter," she said. "We haven't had this much time to ourselves since... since a long time ago, anyway. Just think of all the things we could do..."

James reached up and pulled her into his lap -- and the doorbell rang. Lily looked comically disappointed. "Oh... I'll bet that's Peter. He does have a habit of turning up at the worst possible time, doesn't he?"

James, who knew Peter had no such habit, just laughed at her.

It was Peter, and he looked exhausted and worried. James immediately Summoned the still-hot jug of coffee from the kitchen and poured him a strong black cup.

"What's bugging you, Pete?"

"Well... nothing, really," he said evasively. "I just thought I'd come to see if you were all right."

"We're fine," Lily said cheerfully. "James is just being silly. He wants to go back and fight, and I won't let him."

"You couldn't stop me, woman," James said arrogantly, although a twinkle in his eye betrayed his inner grin. "What, a mere Muggle-born stop me from doing as I like?"

Lily lowered her head like a rhinoceros about to charge. "James, do you really want to be tickled to within an inch of your life?"

James raised his hands. "I surrender! I surrender!"

Peter grinned weakly. "I hear Harry," he said.

Sure enough, Harry's wails were echoing from the back room. Lily excused herself hurriedly, and within moments of her leaving the cries stopped.

"James ... I'm worried I'll fail you," Peter blurted suddenly. "I think you should have another plan ready in case ... in case anything happens."

"Pete, you won't. I've known you for how long now? Are you calling me a bad judge of character?"

Peter managed a wry grin. "I'm a Slytherin, remember. We're the ones you can't trust."

"Wrong." James put aside frivolity, since it obviously wasn't working to reassure Peter. "You're the ones with the smart ideas, the ones with the brains to follow things through. Everyone looks up to Slytherin."

"You're telling me you look up to Snape? Or Avery, or Nott?" Peter raised an eyebrow.

"Snape's smart, you can't deny it... even if he is an insufferable git." James laughed suddenly. "Avery's so tall that even Sirius looks up to him!"

"Not the point, Prongs." Peter frowned mock-severely. "Ten from Gryffindor."

"Seriously, though, Mouse? I don't think you need to worry. You're a stronger person than you think. You'll be fine. It's Sirius who wants to watch out, because that's who they'll be after."

"I'm not convinced, James. I really think it'd be better if you had a fallback plan."

"He's right, you know," Lily said unexpectedly from the door, having just returned with Harry in her arms. "We should have another option. The Fidelius can't keep us hidden for ever, no matter what."

James was silent for a time, while Peter nodded firmly. "They'll sort it out eventually, you know," Lily added. "Besides, I don't feel right putting you-" she smiled at Peter "- or Sirius - in danger for any longer than we have to."

"So what should we do?" James asked, agreeably. "Run away and hide? There's always the Potter estate in Wales, but... what difference does it make, whether we're there or here or somewhere else? The Fidelius is the same."

Lily shook her head, exasperatedly sending tendrils of scarlet hair flying free from her bun. "We won't go to the Potter estate -- we'll go somewhere where they won't look for us. That way, at least when the Fidelius is gone they still won't know where we are, and we'll know that the Charm's off, so we'll have the advantage."

"Yes! Do that!" Peter's enthusiasm was obvious. "Then you'll be safe even if I fail."

"You won't fail, Mouse," James reiterated. "But if it makes you happy, we'll move away."

"Typical male," Lily said. "Won't listen to me, has to be convinced by another male first..." She grinned, obviously pleased with the solution. "Look, Mouse, Harry wants you to hold him!"

The baby was reaching pudgy arms towards Peter's spiked hair. "Pike," he said firmly. "S'arp. No!" The last word was such a good imitation of Lily that both men burst out laughing.

"Yes, Harry, spikes are sharp. Spikes are a 'no'," Lily told her son, choosing to ignore them both. "Good boy. You won't impale yourself on a fence when you fall off the roof, will you?"

James stopped laughing and became very interested in his boots.

"Prongs? Did you fall off the roof?"

*

The sun was fairly low in the western sky when Sirius became aware that he was being followed. He didn't change his stride or look around, but he did alter course towards a slightly less populated area of Magic London. He was confident he could deal with a single follower, and he definitely didn't want to draw attention to himself.

He reached Chamber Lane without mishap; halfway along it, he ducked quickly into an alley too small to have a name -- nothing more than a metre-wide gap between buildings, really -- and concealed himself behind a rubbish bin, wand in hand.

Soon enough, he heard soft footsteps in the lane. His follower stopped abruptly level with the little alleyway; he assumed they were looking around. Presently the footsteps started down the alley, quite slowly. Sirius waited.

When the person -- a small figure in a bulky cloak -- came level with the bin, he pounced forward, slamming the figure back against the opposite wall, and levelling his wand at their throat.

Then his brain caught up with what his eyes were seeing.

"FIN?"

Her hood fell back, revealing her familiar features. Sirius stepped back, numbness giving way to a wild, desperate hope. "Fin? Is it -- is it really you?"

She closed her eyes briefly. "It's me, Star."

"I don't understand," he said. He reached out a shaking hand to touch her cheek. "I -- you're dead, Fin." She felt warm, healthy, alive.

"Obviously not," she whispered, covering his hand with her own.

Sirius wrenched his hand away and stepped back sharply. "No, you're dead. I identified your body, Fin! I was at your funeral! You can't be here. Who are you?"

She didn't make a move, just looked at him with those heartbreakingly beautiful eyes. "Star -- Sirius -- it is me."

Sirius didn't realise he'd been backing up until his back hit the brick wall behind him. "Don't do this! Whoever you are -- don't! I saw your dead body, Fin, it couldn't have been anyone else." His voice broke sharply. "Just go away."

Fin watched him, her tiny hands folded across her stomach in a way so painfully familiar that he bit down hard on his lip. "Sirius..."

"Don't do this to me," he cried, tasting warm saltiness on his lips. "Findabhair is dead!"

"Sirius." She was kneeling beside him now, and he realised he was sitting -- his back pressing into the rough wall, his knees up in front of his chest. She laid a cool hand on his face. "Sirius, I'm not. I'm real, I'm here, I'm alive. This is me."

"Dreams don't come true!" He reached out blindly to push her away.

She stepped back, her thick robe leaving trails on the muddy ground, anxiety lining her narrow face. "Star. Do you remember the day we first met?"

Her voice was compelling, and Sirius found himself answering through the ashes that filled his mouth. "Of course I do. We were on the Hogwarts Express, and you were staring at Remus."

"I knew what he was and he knew me. He, and Danielle. But she's gone now, isn't she? She was my closest friend, until I knew Lily."

"You and Danielle... it used to annoy me, that you were so close when you were Slytherin and she Gryffindor."

"You used to tell her she was a traitor to her house. She had a huge crush on you for years."

"Yes, and she wouldn't say a word for fear of hurting Lily."

"I remember you telling me about the night she owned up... you said you'd never told anyone else what she said."

"I never have."

"And you never told anyone where we went after our engagement party, either, did you?"

"Never. It was a secret for a while ... and then I couldn't talk about you. I couldn't."

"Remember the green-painted waitress?"

"And the frogs in the waterfall..." He raised his eyes from the heels of his boots, an urgent hope springing back up in him.

"And I told you that I'd always love you, even though you were so ugly..." She had moved back to him, and her fingers traced his scar lightly. "And you said the pain had been worth it, since I was there to heal you."

Sirius reached up to take her hand, and this time he didn't pull away. "Fin... it is you."

"Always and forever, my Star."

*

"I don't understand, though."

It was only a short time later; he and Fin were seated across from each other at a small table in the back of the Leaky Cauldron. She wore her glamour; all most people would see was a short plain woman with frizzy hair. Sirius still couldn't keep his eyes off her, nor a foolish grin off his face. The touch of her hand on his was electrifying, bringing all the happiness of their time together back in a flood. He thought he must be glowing with the energy he felt; and indeed, a few old ladies smiled indulgently at him, as if to say Young love. Oh, you lucky thing.

"What don't you understand, Star?" Fin looked as if she felt the same way; flushed and breathless, her fingers twined with his, her eyes shining like the star she named him.

"Where have you been? When I thought you were dead -- well, I wasn't interested in living much myself, for a while. Wasn't there any way you could have contacted me -- let me know you were OK?"

"I ... don't know," she said slowly. "I don't know where I was. I can't remember much -- only a vague grey coldness, and a terrible choking feeling. I can't explain." She shivered delicately, and Sirius instinctively reached across the little table to hold her closely.

"It's all right. I'm just being selfish," he told her. "Don't worry about it."

Fin glanced up at him gratefully, and rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm so glad to be back."

"Oh, just wait till we tell everyone!" Sirius exulted suddenly. "They'll all be so happy!"

"I'm so happy now," she said, into the hollow of his neck. He could feel her warm breath through his shirt, giving him goosebumps. "I just want to stay like this forever."

Sirius folded his arms around her, wrapping her inside his cloak as well as hers.

She laughed. "The table's digging into me!"

"I can fix that," Sirius remarked, and moved himself around to her side, scooping her into his lap. "See? No more table!"

Fin snuggled in against him. "I can't wait to see everyone again," she murmured. "Especially Lily. Did she miss me?"

"Miss you? Of course she missed you, you silly pumpkin!" Sirius felt giddy, elated, as though his head was filling with hot air. Fin was back! Fin was back, and everything was going to be perfect.

"I'd like to visit her. We have a lot to catch up on."

"We'll go tomorrow," Sirius promised rashly. "We'll go everywhere you want us to." The warmth of her against him was making him feel intoxicated. "Anything you want me to, I'll do. Anything."

"Where are they now, Sirius?" She sounded oddly hazy. "Where have they all gone?"

"Everywhere. We're losing, Fin... there's not many of us left. They're all scattered. Remus is in Belfast, in Northern Ireland, working with the resistance there."

"There's a resistance group in Belfast? I never knew that..."

"I wish there weren't. I hate being part of 'the resistance movement' when just five years ago we were the major power. But Voldemort's too much in control now, there's nothing left but a pitiful resistance..." He stroked her hair, feeling her shiver. "We'll survive, Fin. Somehow, we'll make it through. We always do."

"Almost always," she murmured, and he thought briefly of that awful day two years ago when he'd realised she hadn't made it through. As if she knew what he was thinking, Fin smiled up at him, a smile so perfect he lost his train of thought completely.

"How about Peter, where's he these days? And Anne? How did the wedding go?"

The smile fell from Sirius's face. "The wedding was fine... it was beautiful. We went to Australia and they were married on an idyllic beach."

Fin looked sharply at him. "Then what? Something's wrong, Star."

"Anne's dead," he said. "On their honeymoon. Voldemort -- Peter woke up to the Dark Mark hovering above their bed. Anne's gone, Fin."

Fin bowed her head, her expression unreadable. "How's Peter now?"

"Withdrawn. Depressed. He's in Birmingham, with the group there -" Sirius cut himself off. "No, that's not right. I don't know where he's gone. He's in hiding now."

"He's in hiding? Why? That makes two of you."

"Five," Sirius said. "James and Lily have hidden, too..."

"You, James, Lily, and Peter. I count four." Fin smiled impishly. "Of course, you never were that bright to start with..."

"You missed one," Sirius told her. "Harry."

She blinked. "Harry who?"

"Harry Potter," Sirius said, enjoying the look of surprise on her face. "Lily found out she was pregnant just after - just after we lost you. I'm his godfather."

"Harry Potter..." she whispered softly to herself. "Hmm. What's he like?"

"He's fantastic. He's the brightest spot in everyone's day... he has the sweetest smile, and these incredibly bright green eyes."

"Well, look at you," Fin teased. "The doting godfather already... You're going to spoil that lad."

Sirius tilted his head to the side to see her better. "So what if I do? I always told James we'd corrupt him."

"Where are they? I'd like to see them even more now!"

"They're ... in hiding," Sirius said. "They used the Fidelius Charm. Nobody can see them or speak to them except ... the Secret-Keeper."

Fin laughed. "Poor James, having nobody to talk to except you and Lily - and Harry, I suppose."

"Oh, it isn't me," Sirius said. "It was going to be, but they switched it."

He felt her tense. "It isn't you? Why on earth not?"

"Fin, are you all right? You look - odd."

"I don't believe it! Why wouldn't it be you?"

"Fin! What's wrong?"

She sat upright, her face a mixture of emotions - anger, confusion, frustration and something else, something darker. Sirius felt a tiny swirl of anxiety penetrate the bubble of happiness that had enclosed him for almost the whole evening.

"Oh, shit," she said. "It isn't you!"

Sirius caught at her wrist as she went to climb off him. "Findabhair! What's going on?" She ignored him, and he tugged at her hand, forcing her to swing back towards him. There were tears in her eyes -- and she'd dropped the glamour entirely. Her triangular face was creased with emotion.

"Sirius -- oh, Sirius, I'm so sorry," was all she said. She wrenched her wrist out of his grip and ran, her cloak flying out behind her. Sirius gaped.

"Well? Are you going to chase her?" a wizened little man sitting at the next table asked irritably. "She'll be angry if you don't..." But Sirius was out of the door and after her before the man could finish.

Fin was a fleeting shadow, already halfway down the Muggle street that the Leaky Cauldron opened into. Sirius, his mind in turmoil, chased her desperately. "Fin! Fin, come back!"

She hesitated for a moment, and then ducked into a side street. Sirius knew he didn't have a chance of finding her among the dark alleyways --

--but he could in canine form. Barely hesitating, he dropped into the shape of the familiar black dog. Fin's scent stood out clearly in the night, tinged with fear, anxiety and misery - he galloped after her at his top speed.

She was waiting crouched behind a low garden wall, scrubbing at her eyes and trying not to breathe loudly. In human shape, he would have run right by; as the dog, he leaped the fence and landed on human feet. Fin turned, frightened, and he caught her hands.

"Fin?" he asked, uncertainly. She had been crying -- was still crying, sobbing softly as he held her. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

"Oh, Sirius... I don't want to do it any more!"

"I don't understand, Fin," he repeated, feeling suddenly like a little lost boy again. His emotions were almost as tangled as his thoughts - joy at finding Fin again had been shadowed by fear of losing her and hurt that she'd run from him, tinged by a horrible dark core of suspicion that was forming in his mind. What was going on?

She leaned into him, crying. "I have to, Sirius... that poor child, I can't do it... I have to!" He felt her breathe deeply and stop crying. She stepped back slightly from him, reaching up to place a hand on either side of his face. He stared, completely lost at sea.

"I love you," she said. "I have always loved you." Her voice was quite steady - he wouldn't have believed she could have been crying desperately just a second ago. "I always will." Then her voice took on a different tone, like steel sheathed in velvet - soft, but immovable. "Sirius. You will tell nobody you have seen me. You will forget that I have been here."

Sirius would have pulled away at the first sound of that tone, had he been able to move - but he found himself transfixed. Dread ran through his veins like something alive, and he watched Fin through fearful eyes.

She went on, after a pause to gather herself. Although her voice was steady and strong, her face was crumpled and her grip on his face was shaky. "Peter is the Secret-Keeper, yes?"

"Yes," Sirius found himself saying, through a mouth that suddenly seemed thickly coated with lint.

She nodded. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," she whispered, so softly he barely heard her. "You will speak to nobody. You will go somewhere safe and stay there."

Sirius suddenly felt his blood turn to ice inside him. A rock seemed to have lodged in his throat. Fin had moved slightly, turning to see if anyone was coming, and her voluminous sleeve had fallen back. Marring the perfect white of her inner arm was an ugly black skull - the Dark Mark.

He stopped breathing. For a wild instant, he wondered if he'd ever bother to start again. Fin, Dark? That didn't make any sense. But nothing made any sense tonight...

Life returned to him in a sharp rush of agony. Fin had released him, stepping carefully backwards, her eyes fixed pleadingly on his. He stared helplessly at her.

"I'm sorry... I love you," she whispered, almost soundlessly. Then she turned and fled. Sirius stared after her for a futile instant before his legs gave way underneath him. The grass was wet beneath him, and he knelt there for a while, hands full of damp earth, head bowed. He didn't realise he was crying until a warm drop splashed on his hand. He didn't care much... just wondered vaguely if it was blood or tears he was crying. He rather thought it would be the former.

Then his rage and pain roared up inside him, demanding to be let out, and he flung his head back and screamed at the endless uncaring sky.

*

Revised 11th January 2003