Food wrappers littered the floor of Bigg's car. "Wow- you really need
to clean this thing our. I've seen landfills cleaner than this," Faye said.
"You're telling me- I can't feel my legs anymore," RS replied, gazing at
the wrappers that seemed to envelope the lower half of his body. "Ha ha.
Very funny," Bigg said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "So what do we do
once we get to the convention?" Faye asked. "Well, The Isaac, Garret, Mia,
and Ivan aren't showing up until 1:00. That gives a some time to cruise the
convention. Now, my mom's second cousin's nephew who's friend works as a
security guard told me that we MAY be able to catch them as they come out
of their limo," Bigg explained. "Right- and what if we don't catch them as
they come out of the limo?" RS asked. "Well, then we wait in a line and pay
$18 bucks like all the other assholes," Bigg said.
"Hey- are we near a city or something?" RS asked, noting the rapid urbanization of his surroundings. "Yup. And inside that urban blight lies our chance to MEET THE GOLDEN SUN CHARACTERS!!" Biggs shouted excitedly. "Hey- d'you think that if I begged Ivan he'd hook me up with an internship? I here that's how Garret started out," RS said. "Sure RS, and his first job for you will be to stay at least 5 miles away from him at all times," Faye replied. "Then how can he hit on Mia?" Biggs asked. "Yeah RS, how do you plan on talking to Mia at the convention?" Faye asked. "Well, you know those stories about two people who fall in love on opposite ends of a crowded room.." RS asked with a dreamy look in his eyes. "Yeah- and the room is so crowded that they never end up meeting each other and they leave the party and they spend the rest of their lives wondering if that person was their only special someone until they die cold and alone?" Biggs asked. "DAMMIT BIGGS! Way to ruin the mood!" RS shouted, punching Biggs as hard as he can.
"What about you, Biggs? You looking for someone special?" Faye asked. "Are you kidding? Biggs thinks that the romance in Romeo and Juliet is shallow!" RS said. "Well, I just don't understand how two people can be that devoted to another in the span of two hours!" Biggs replied. "Biggs, the length of the play doesn't reflect the time span covered in the story," Faye said. "Well.. uh.. they're still shallow!" Biggs said, pulling into a parking lot. "We're here?!" RS shouted excitedly. "That's right troops! Suit up!" Biggs said, grabbing some bags from the trunk. In a few minutes, he transformed into a Megaman doppelganger. "Nice Biggs! Can I see the blaster for a minute?" RS asked. Biggs pulled off the arm-mounted cannon with a grunt, and shoved it into RS's eager hands.
"Why is it so heavy?" RS asked, securing it to his forearm. "Look inside," Biggs said. RS opened a small side panel to reveal some complex parts on the inside. "Dude!? This is a potato rifle!?" RS asked. "Hells yes. I spent at least 4 weeks building it. Try firing it!" Biggs suggested. RS squeezed the trigger, and a small potato rocketed out. "CoOOOool," Faye and RS said. After a few minutes, the other two suited up as well: RS as Sheik (the Zelda guy), and Faye as Battle Angel Alita. The three strode into the hotel and were greeted by a huge gathering of fan boys, cosplayers and hardcore gaming fans. "Ok guys, remember: everyone meet back here in an hour, sharp!" Biggs said, walking off. "Ok RS, try not to get into any more fights. Remember the Love Hina incident?" Faye asked, walking off. "That wasn't my fault! You can't prove it!" RS shouted after her. "Besides, how much trouble could I get into in an hour?" RS murmured.
* * *
He soon found out. While checking out a Sailor scout up close, he failed to notice her boyfriend. "Hey- step off. She's with me!" a very disgruntled Cloud (FFVII) growled. "Don't mind me, I'm just checking out the merchandise!" RS replied. "I'm warning you!" the boyfriend replied, running his hand along the hilt of his massive foam sword. "What are you gonna do? Wear a dress at me?" RS taunted. Cloud drew his foam sword and moved in to attack. "So it's a fight you want, eh?" RS said, grabbing his wooden Sheika dagger. The two crossed fake blades, and pushed off each other. Cloud prepared to cleave RS with his foam sword (which, in retrospect wouldn't have done jack diddily-squat). At the last second, RS grabbed a flash grenade from his belt and detonated it. The surrounding area was scorched with a blazing flash, and when the light faded, he was gone.
On the other side of the room, Biggs dropped the model he was holding. "A flash grenade? That can't be good." he said. Suddenly, RS appeared besides him. "Ok RS, what happened?" Biggs asked. "My dear friend, I have no idea what you mean," RS replied, batting his eyes innocently. "THERE HE IS!!" a voice yelled as Cloud, flanked by a group of evil looking ninjas, approached the pair. "RUN!" RS cried, dragging Biggs towards the bathrooms. "Ninjas!? What the hell did you do!?" Biggs asked as RS and he took cover in a stall. "That's not important right now- all you need to know is it isn't my fault," RS explained. "Be fair RS- everything is your fault," Biggs said, rolling his eyes. Suddenly, the ninjas and Cloud entered the bathroom. "Oh crap- what the hell are we gonna do now?" RS whispered anxiously. Cloud started to check each stall for the pair, and was fast approaching their hiding spot. The pair held their breath and prepared for their inevitable beating.
Suddenly, the room was filled with cries of pain, and it all went silent. "Biggs? RS? You guys in here?" Faye yelled. "Faye! Thank god you're here!" The pair yelled, bursting out of the stall. They gasped when they saw what had happened to their pursuers. "Sweet Jesus, what the hell did you do!?" Biggs asked. Faye produced a small linen rag wrapped around a bar of soap, twirling it expertly. "I soaped their asses, Full Metal Jacket Style," She said, getting a badass look in her eyes. "Remember to never let Faye near soap again," RS whispered to Biggs. "Wait! We gotta get to the back door pronto! The GS crew's gonna be here any minute!" Biggs said.
* * *
"Hmph. I hate doing these stupid convention gigs," Isaac muttered in the back of his limo. He sipped his cocktail, and set it down. "Why the hell do we sign up for this crap?" he asked. "Appearances Isaac. The crowd loves us!" Garret said, slipping on his Gucci leather gauntlets. "So do we have our stunt doubles for the show?" Isaac asked. "You don't need a stunt double Isaac. It's not a real dragon," Mia said. "Well, tell the stunt doubles to get their asses down here. When I'm this rich, I shouldn't have to work!" Garret replied. "I can't believe how much you two have sold out! It's disgusting!" Ivan exclaimed. "He's right! You guys were never like this until the money started coming in!" Mia said. "Hey you snot nosed punks! You may have fresh faces, but the only reason we're as popular as we are is because of Garret and Me! So if you don't like it, you two can kiss my ass!" Isaac said.
The limo started to pull into the back parking lot of the hotel. "Great. Looks like some losers knew where we were gonna be," Garret said. "Well, I'll get security to make 'em go away," Isaac replied, whipping out a cell phone. "You can't do that Isaac! You're a hero to these people!" Mia said. "Mia, you still don't realize that these people are idiots," Isaac retorted as the limo pulled to a stop. The group stepped out and was immediately greeted by a Megaman, A Sheik rip off and a chick in a cat suit and trench coat. "ISAAC I'MYOURBIGGESTFANCANIHAVEYOURAUTOGRAPH?!" Megaman yelled, handing Isaac a photo of.. Isaac (A/N: wow that's an awkward sentence). "Wow! I never thought I'd get to see you in person! You're like.. an icon of good versus evil! You've saved the world countless times!" Megaman said. "Yeah, and you know what's the best part? It's all fake! I never saved the world, I never even learned alchemy! It's all smoke and mirrors, yet I have countless legions of LOSERS LIKE YOU willing to eat dirt I found under my fingernail!" He laughed, shoving the picture into Bigg's chest. Isaac and Garret walked off, and Mia said, "I'm REAL sorry you had to see that. They have no idea what you people think." She and Ivan reluctantly followed their other party members.
"Biggs? You going to be ok?" Faye asked quietly. Biggs murmured and dropped the photo. On it was scrawled 'To the world's biggest loser- get a life.' "I'm going to wait in the car until the convention ends, ok?" Biggs said, trudging off towards the parking lot. Faye tried to console him, but RS stopped her. "Just let him go. He needs a little me-time," He explained. "But.. It just feels wrong to enjoy the convention without him," Faye replied. "He'll get over it. Just give him some time," RS said as he walked away. Faye watched him walk off, gave one last glance at Biggs, and went back inside.
* * *
"Ok, run this by me one more time," Garret said to the portly stage manager. "Alright: you guys are going to be introduced, and then we'll walk on stage. You guys wave, make up some bullshit about how happy you are to be here, and then Herb'll come out in the animatronic dragon, we shoot some fireworks and smoke, and you guys beat the dragon," The stage manager explained. "Ok. Can the dragon do any real damage?" Garret asked. "Well, ya, but Herb'll be driven, so you got nothing to worry about," The Stage manager replied. He glanced down at his watch. "Speaking of which, it's almost show time. Places everyone!" he yelled, and waddled off. Herb, the dragon pilot, started making his way towards the stage elevator, where the dragon was waiting. He never saw the giant foam sword hit him from behind.
"Hey- are we near a city or something?" RS asked, noting the rapid urbanization of his surroundings. "Yup. And inside that urban blight lies our chance to MEET THE GOLDEN SUN CHARACTERS!!" Biggs shouted excitedly. "Hey- d'you think that if I begged Ivan he'd hook me up with an internship? I here that's how Garret started out," RS said. "Sure RS, and his first job for you will be to stay at least 5 miles away from him at all times," Faye replied. "Then how can he hit on Mia?" Biggs asked. "Yeah RS, how do you plan on talking to Mia at the convention?" Faye asked. "Well, you know those stories about two people who fall in love on opposite ends of a crowded room.." RS asked with a dreamy look in his eyes. "Yeah- and the room is so crowded that they never end up meeting each other and they leave the party and they spend the rest of their lives wondering if that person was their only special someone until they die cold and alone?" Biggs asked. "DAMMIT BIGGS! Way to ruin the mood!" RS shouted, punching Biggs as hard as he can.
"What about you, Biggs? You looking for someone special?" Faye asked. "Are you kidding? Biggs thinks that the romance in Romeo and Juliet is shallow!" RS said. "Well, I just don't understand how two people can be that devoted to another in the span of two hours!" Biggs replied. "Biggs, the length of the play doesn't reflect the time span covered in the story," Faye said. "Well.. uh.. they're still shallow!" Biggs said, pulling into a parking lot. "We're here?!" RS shouted excitedly. "That's right troops! Suit up!" Biggs said, grabbing some bags from the trunk. In a few minutes, he transformed into a Megaman doppelganger. "Nice Biggs! Can I see the blaster for a minute?" RS asked. Biggs pulled off the arm-mounted cannon with a grunt, and shoved it into RS's eager hands.
"Why is it so heavy?" RS asked, securing it to his forearm. "Look inside," Biggs said. RS opened a small side panel to reveal some complex parts on the inside. "Dude!? This is a potato rifle!?" RS asked. "Hells yes. I spent at least 4 weeks building it. Try firing it!" Biggs suggested. RS squeezed the trigger, and a small potato rocketed out. "CoOOOool," Faye and RS said. After a few minutes, the other two suited up as well: RS as Sheik (the Zelda guy), and Faye as Battle Angel Alita. The three strode into the hotel and were greeted by a huge gathering of fan boys, cosplayers and hardcore gaming fans. "Ok guys, remember: everyone meet back here in an hour, sharp!" Biggs said, walking off. "Ok RS, try not to get into any more fights. Remember the Love Hina incident?" Faye asked, walking off. "That wasn't my fault! You can't prove it!" RS shouted after her. "Besides, how much trouble could I get into in an hour?" RS murmured.
* * *
He soon found out. While checking out a Sailor scout up close, he failed to notice her boyfriend. "Hey- step off. She's with me!" a very disgruntled Cloud (FFVII) growled. "Don't mind me, I'm just checking out the merchandise!" RS replied. "I'm warning you!" the boyfriend replied, running his hand along the hilt of his massive foam sword. "What are you gonna do? Wear a dress at me?" RS taunted. Cloud drew his foam sword and moved in to attack. "So it's a fight you want, eh?" RS said, grabbing his wooden Sheika dagger. The two crossed fake blades, and pushed off each other. Cloud prepared to cleave RS with his foam sword (which, in retrospect wouldn't have done jack diddily-squat). At the last second, RS grabbed a flash grenade from his belt and detonated it. The surrounding area was scorched with a blazing flash, and when the light faded, he was gone.
On the other side of the room, Biggs dropped the model he was holding. "A flash grenade? That can't be good." he said. Suddenly, RS appeared besides him. "Ok RS, what happened?" Biggs asked. "My dear friend, I have no idea what you mean," RS replied, batting his eyes innocently. "THERE HE IS!!" a voice yelled as Cloud, flanked by a group of evil looking ninjas, approached the pair. "RUN!" RS cried, dragging Biggs towards the bathrooms. "Ninjas!? What the hell did you do!?" Biggs asked as RS and he took cover in a stall. "That's not important right now- all you need to know is it isn't my fault," RS explained. "Be fair RS- everything is your fault," Biggs said, rolling his eyes. Suddenly, the ninjas and Cloud entered the bathroom. "Oh crap- what the hell are we gonna do now?" RS whispered anxiously. Cloud started to check each stall for the pair, and was fast approaching their hiding spot. The pair held their breath and prepared for their inevitable beating.
Suddenly, the room was filled with cries of pain, and it all went silent. "Biggs? RS? You guys in here?" Faye yelled. "Faye! Thank god you're here!" The pair yelled, bursting out of the stall. They gasped when they saw what had happened to their pursuers. "Sweet Jesus, what the hell did you do!?" Biggs asked. Faye produced a small linen rag wrapped around a bar of soap, twirling it expertly. "I soaped their asses, Full Metal Jacket Style," She said, getting a badass look in her eyes. "Remember to never let Faye near soap again," RS whispered to Biggs. "Wait! We gotta get to the back door pronto! The GS crew's gonna be here any minute!" Biggs said.
* * *
"Hmph. I hate doing these stupid convention gigs," Isaac muttered in the back of his limo. He sipped his cocktail, and set it down. "Why the hell do we sign up for this crap?" he asked. "Appearances Isaac. The crowd loves us!" Garret said, slipping on his Gucci leather gauntlets. "So do we have our stunt doubles for the show?" Isaac asked. "You don't need a stunt double Isaac. It's not a real dragon," Mia said. "Well, tell the stunt doubles to get their asses down here. When I'm this rich, I shouldn't have to work!" Garret replied. "I can't believe how much you two have sold out! It's disgusting!" Ivan exclaimed. "He's right! You guys were never like this until the money started coming in!" Mia said. "Hey you snot nosed punks! You may have fresh faces, but the only reason we're as popular as we are is because of Garret and Me! So if you don't like it, you two can kiss my ass!" Isaac said.
The limo started to pull into the back parking lot of the hotel. "Great. Looks like some losers knew where we were gonna be," Garret said. "Well, I'll get security to make 'em go away," Isaac replied, whipping out a cell phone. "You can't do that Isaac! You're a hero to these people!" Mia said. "Mia, you still don't realize that these people are idiots," Isaac retorted as the limo pulled to a stop. The group stepped out and was immediately greeted by a Megaman, A Sheik rip off and a chick in a cat suit and trench coat. "ISAAC I'MYOURBIGGESTFANCANIHAVEYOURAUTOGRAPH?!" Megaman yelled, handing Isaac a photo of.. Isaac (A/N: wow that's an awkward sentence). "Wow! I never thought I'd get to see you in person! You're like.. an icon of good versus evil! You've saved the world countless times!" Megaman said. "Yeah, and you know what's the best part? It's all fake! I never saved the world, I never even learned alchemy! It's all smoke and mirrors, yet I have countless legions of LOSERS LIKE YOU willing to eat dirt I found under my fingernail!" He laughed, shoving the picture into Bigg's chest. Isaac and Garret walked off, and Mia said, "I'm REAL sorry you had to see that. They have no idea what you people think." She and Ivan reluctantly followed their other party members.
"Biggs? You going to be ok?" Faye asked quietly. Biggs murmured and dropped the photo. On it was scrawled 'To the world's biggest loser- get a life.' "I'm going to wait in the car until the convention ends, ok?" Biggs said, trudging off towards the parking lot. Faye tried to console him, but RS stopped her. "Just let him go. He needs a little me-time," He explained. "But.. It just feels wrong to enjoy the convention without him," Faye replied. "He'll get over it. Just give him some time," RS said as he walked away. Faye watched him walk off, gave one last glance at Biggs, and went back inside.
* * *
"Ok, run this by me one more time," Garret said to the portly stage manager. "Alright: you guys are going to be introduced, and then we'll walk on stage. You guys wave, make up some bullshit about how happy you are to be here, and then Herb'll come out in the animatronic dragon, we shoot some fireworks and smoke, and you guys beat the dragon," The stage manager explained. "Ok. Can the dragon do any real damage?" Garret asked. "Well, ya, but Herb'll be driven, so you got nothing to worry about," The Stage manager replied. He glanced down at his watch. "Speaking of which, it's almost show time. Places everyone!" he yelled, and waddled off. Herb, the dragon pilot, started making his way towards the stage elevator, where the dragon was waiting. He never saw the giant foam sword hit him from behind.