Greetings, and welcome to my wacky little world!!

So, yeah, like I don't own any of the characters that will be gracing this story . . . but at the next auction I hope to buy Chevron Guy!!

Warnings: Severe Out of Character-ness, little or no following of the time line . . . and little or no respect for the SGC . . . [grin] what can I say?

Dedication: When watching Stargate non-stop, eating much chocolate, and *trying* to figure out a plot for a Daniel/Sam fic, when very dedicated to Jack/Sam . . . they are MEANT to be together, besides . . . Daniel's married for crying out loud! . . . I lay blame for this ficlet *entirely* at Cucumber Faye The Paranoid One's feet!

"Speaking"

//Thinking//

*Emphasis/stressing*

~Flashback ~

--Dream—

~Sweet Dreams~

By Doctor Megalomania

Part Four: . . . And Came Across Sam and Martouf In A Bathtub . . .

Jack was muttering to himself as he snuck into Sam's room.

Daniel rolled his eyes, as Jack got on to making fun of Daniel's haircut when they first met. Daniel sighed, and floated toward Sam's bed. She was sitting upright in bed, with her laptop buzzing on her lap. He rolled his eyes again, "She still doesn't take time out of her busy life do to the most basic of human things . . . like sleeping. . . having a life . . ."

"Fine one *you* are, Jackson, mocking Sam about having a life . . ." Jack grinned, "I seem to remember that a certain person in this room, not me or Sam but not mentioning any names . . . doesn't have a life anymore either . . ."

Daniel rolled his eyes again, and grabbed Jack's hand, "Let's just do this and get out before she catches us . . ."

"I could take her on."

"I'm sure you could, but wouldn't you prefer to live your life as a man, than a eunuch . . .?"

"Hey . . . let's not even entertain that image, thank you very much."

"I'm not the one who claims he could take on Sam Carter . . ."

"Well, I could."

"I'm sure you could . . ."

"Was that sarcasm, Doctor Jackson?"

Daniel smiled to himself as they walked down the long corridor, "Your abilities never cease to amaze me . . ." He paused at the corner and glanced around, "Where are we?"

"Hey, just because I happen to like the Simpsons, eat ice cream and drink beer like any other normal red blooded American . . . doesn't mean you can insult my intelligence, Daniel!"

There was an open door a little way down from their corner; Daniel glanced about to check for any guards. There were none, and he moved forward, "Jack . . ."

"And maybe I should remind you that just because you are all ascended like some sort of smarty pants . . ."

". . . Jack . . ."

". . . Does NOT mean you can usurp my authority . . . got that?"

"Yes!" Daniel hissed, "Now let's go Jack!"

Jack nodded to himself, "Good, now I say that we go to that open door on the left and see what Sam's got going on!"

The sound of laughter reached their ears long before they approached the door.

The two grown men peered into the room; with Daniel crouching just on Jack's back. Jack growled as Daniel's ethereal knee prodded into his shoulder blade, "Why are you on top anyway?!"

"Because I'm the lightest, Jack!"

"Who says?!"

"Well, then let's think about this scientifically . . . since I'm the one without any earthly form, and you are the one who is technically the heaviest, which of us do you think needs to be on top . . .?"

"Okay, I've had just about as much as I can take from you, Mister Smarty-pants!"

"Jack!"

The two men froze as Sam's voice rang out. Daniel slid off Jack's back, and Jack straightened he was just about to push the door open when Sam's voice sounded again, "Be a dear and bring the champagne . . ."

Jack frowned. "What the--?"

"Of course, Samantha . . ."

Jack jerked as his own voice replied warmly to Sam's request. Instantly the older man clapped his hand over his mouth, his brown eyes widening. Daniel raised an eyebrow, and his finger to his lips. There was the sound of water floating clearly from the room, and light footsteps padded close to the door. "Would you prefer the champagne or would you like to break open the sparkling whites, my beautiful major . . .?"

"My beautiful major?!" Daniel mouthed to Jack with a clearly amused tint in his eye, Jack raised his fist and shook it at the smirking doctor.

Sam hummed, and then there was another splash. "I think . . ." She paused, "Which is the most expensive to open?"

"The Sparkling White Rose . . ." Dream Jack rattled off smoothly, "Will that one be all right?"

"Yes . . ." Sam's voice was warm as Dream Jack's footsteps padded away from the door. "Oh, and Daniel darling . . ."

"Me?!" Daniel mouthed with surprise, Jack's shock faded to amusement as he smirked at Daniel.

"Yes, Samantha?" Dream Daniel's voice floated almost dreamily from the room, "Please . . . tell me what I can do to make your day so much more . . . *pleasant* . . ."

Jack's eyes widened impossibly at the suggestive tone of the dream version's Daniel. "What the hell?!"

"Shh---" Daniel started but paused, "Wait . . . what are we doing out here for?!" He frowned, "They can't see us in there . . ."

Jack frowned, "But I saw you . . ."

Daniel shrugged, "Eh, must have been a fluke . . ." He tugged at Jack's sleeve as he pushed the door open, "Move it, captain!"

Jack smirked as Daniel walked into the room, "And you were the one who protested . . . Look who's just so right now . . ."

Steam obscured their sight as the two men walked into the room.

As it cleared slightly, it became rapidly apparent why the two were suddenly extremely grateful for so much steam in the room . . .

There were men.

Many men.

Many NAKED men.

Many naked men bathing.

Many naked men showering.

Many naked men serving drinks.

Many naked men serving strawberries and grapes.

And a hellava lot of whipped cream.

. . . Did I mention the naked men?

No?

Samantha Carter's dream consisted of about half a dozen naked men, stark bollock naked, either bathing in the massive, sunken bathtub, showering under the mini waterfall that fell into one side of the massive, sunken bathtub, or carrying a tray filled with glasses of drinks, strawberries, grapes or cans of spraying whipped cream.

And in the middle of all of this, Samantha Carter lay lent back against the side of the bathtub, with Martouf on one side, the dream version of Daniel on the other and . . .

A series of bubbles floated up from before Samantha.

The dream version of Jack surfaced from evidently exploring territories unknown.

The two non-dream men – who were both fully clothed - gaped at the pallet of handsome stargatian men, both human and alien. Jack's jaw was nearly brushing the floor. A drop of sweat rolled down Daniel's forehead as his eye twitched.

"Jack . . ."

"I know, Daniel . . ."

"But Jack, she's . . ."

"I know, Daniel . . ."

"Jack, she . . ." Daniel swallowed, and raised his arm to point at Sam, "That's Sam!!"

Sam blinked and looked over at the two, "What the . . .?" Beside her, the dream's version of Jack and Daniel faded away. A smile lit Sam's face as she leant back, "Oh . . . is this important, gentlemen?"

"Huh?" Jack blinked slowly, then motioned himself slowly, "Us?"

"Yes, you . . ." Sam smiled and swam over to lean her forearms on the side of the massive, sunken bathtub. She smiled predatorily up at the two, "It seems that a new mission has cropped up for you two . . ." She looked them over once, and then glared at them, "But I think you're both seriously overdressed . . ."

"Overdressed . . .?" Daniel murmured, his jaw working, "Uh . . ."

"Yes, now . . . let's see . . . Jack, I think you better loose that shirt . . . and Daniel . . . you can loose your socks . . ."

The two gawked at her for a moment . . . a moment too long for Sam. She raised a hand, and clicked her fingers. Jack and Daniel stared in surprise as Teal'c walked out of the mist in the room, with his staff pointed at the two.

"Gentlemen . . . Start your stripping!"

Daniel stared at Teal'c and his . . . Daniel swallowed hard . . . gold and black thong. Jack frowned; choosing to ignore Teal's . . . Daniel swallowed hard again . . . gold and black thong, and turned to Sam, "Why do I have to lose my shirt and he only gets to lose his socks?!" Jack folded his arms defiantly, "What's fair about that?!"

White teeth bit kittishly into red lips, as Sam smirked, "Because . . ." She said slowly, "I say so, and what I say goes, so . . . Now move it, solider!"

Teal'c took a step forward, and Daniel bent over tugging at his shoes and socks. Jack sighed sharply, and started to pull open his shirt.

"Slowly . . ." Sam reminded them, "Nice and slow, boys . . ."

"You know . . ." Jack grumbled, "You're not usually this horny in really life. . ."

Daniel looked up slightly and found himself nose to . . . he gulped, and whimpered slightly . . . codpiece – a codpiece that had tassels by the way, nice threaded, red ones – with Teal'c. Suffice to say, Daniel was getting a little more than traumatised by the sight of Teal'c . . . thing wrapped up in shiny silky gold and PVC black with red tassels.

Sam laughed, "Yeah, but in real life I don't have . . ." She frowned, "Wait . . . this is a dream?"

Jack tugged his boxers up slightly as he loosened his trousers, "Well, duh . . . Of course this is a dream!"

"Uh, Jack. . . bad idea . . ." Daniel said, trying to take his eyes off Teal'c . . . Thing . . .

"Really?" Sam looked around, "Well . . . I suppose that could be possible . . ." She murmured, she pointed at Martouf, "I mean, you're dead . . ."

Martouf held out his hand, "but Samantha!" He cried out, "I love you!!"

Sam raised an eyebrow, "Eh . . . go figure . . ." She turned back to the now half naked Jack and the transfixed Daniel. "But the thing is, if this is my dream . . ." She folded her arms, and stared at them deeply, "How do *you* know this is a dream?"

"Uh . . ." Jack held up a finger, "Well . . . Erm . . ."

Sam's eyes widened.

-------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

DrM: been a while since I last updated, sorry, sorry!! I got kinda side tracked . . . Thanks to some loosy directions SOMEONE gave me . . .

Jack: what, you found it in the end didn't you?

DrM: Your attempts to discourage me from writing Stargate have not gone unnoticed . . . [shakes head] anyway, Please Review!! Thanks for reading!!