Into the woods
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I'm not going to put a disclaimer on every chapter because frankly, it's a waste of time.
For your convenience and in case you forgot, here's the cast list. Don't worry I'm putting it at the binging of every scene.
Cast:
Narrators: Clear Shadow, Yume Tenshi, Sharpsnout and MereMew
Jack: Himura Kenshin
Baker: Miroku
Cinderella's Stepmother: Irvine
Lucinda: Moonbay
Little Red Ridinghood: Hibiki Miaka
Cinderella's Mother: Rudolf
Wolf: P-Chan
Rapunzel: Maxwell Duo
Cinderella's Prince: Raven
Milky White (Called Yahiko-White for the sake of humor): Yahiko
Cinderella: Lilli
Jack's Mother: Kamiya Karou
Baker's Wife: Chiyumi
Florinda: Fiona
Cinderella's Father: Dr. D
Witch: Maxwell Rina
Mysterious Man: Inuyasha
Granny: Mousse
Rapunzel's Prince: Hawk
Steward: Van
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Scene Two
::On the stage are a lot of trees. Some are really old and bent and some aren't. Sunlight streams down in scattered paths. As the scene goes one the sunlight turns to moon light. Lilli kneels before a hazel tree::
MereMew: Cinderella had planted a branch at the grave of her mother and she visited it so often, and wept there so much, that her tears watered it until it had become a handsome tree::
Cinderella: Damn, that's a lot of tears.
MereMew: Yes it is now sing your little song before I get the hose.
Cinderella: I'VE BEEN GOOD AND I'VE BEEN KIND, MOTHER,
DOING ONLY WHAT I LEARNED FROM YOU.
WHY THEN AM I LEFT BEHIND, MOTHER,
IS THERE SOMETHING MORE THAT I SHOULD DO?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME, MOTHER?
SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG.
I WISH…
::Just then the ghost of Cinderella's Mother appears within the tree::
Cinderella: GYAAA!!! Rudolf?!? What the hell?!?
Cinderella's mother: ::Shrugs:: What child? Specify. Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor.
Cinderella: Huh?
Cinderella's Mother: It means hurry up and tell me what you want.
Cinderella: I WISH…
Cinderella's Mother: DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WISH?
ARE YOU CERTAIN WHAT YOU WISH
IS WHAT YOU WANT?
ASK THE TREE,
AND YOU SHALL HAVE YOUR WISH.
Cinderella: ::stands up and raises her arms::
SHIVER AND QUIVER, LITTLE TREE, SILVER AND GOLD
THROW DOWN ON ME
:: A gold and silver ball gown and slippers fall out of the tree onto Lilli's head::
Cinderella: Ow, damnit….
::Sorry::
Cinderella: Like hell. Anyway. I'M OFF TO GET MY WISH. ::Grabs clothes and runs off stage::
::Kenshin leads Yahiko-White through the forest. He pauses and sits down on a tree stump::
Jack: Silence everywhere Yahiko-White. Not to my liking, that it isn't.
Yahiko-White: Moo.
Mysterious Man: ::Jumps down from a tree:: Hello Jack.
Yahiko-White: DEMON!!!!!
Mysterious Man: Half demon, and shut up anyway, cow.
Yahiko-White: You gonna make me dog boy?
Mysterious Man: ::Growls::
Jack: ::clears throat:: How did you know my name?
Mysterious Man: When first I appear, I seem mysterious. But when explained, I am nothing serious. What the hell is this crap?!?
Jack: Say that again.
Mysterious Man: ::Shakes head:: On your way to market? You might have been there long time ago. Taking your time, Jack?
Jack: No, sir, that I'm not..
Mysterious Man: Is that the truth?
Jack: Well, you see now I'm resting—
Mysterious Man: How much are you asking for the cow?
Jack: No less than five pounds sir, that I am.
Mysterious Man: ::bursts into laughter:: Five pounds? For that?!?
Jack: My mother told me—
Mysterious Man: Mother?!? A boy your age?!? ::More laughter:: You'd be lucky to get a sack of beans for the damn thing!
::Before Kenshin can answer—::
Yahiko-White: Shut up!
::I said, before Kenshin could answer Inuyasha disappears::
Jack: Come on Yahiko-White, there are spirits here, that there are.
::In another part of the woods, Miaka is skipping along and is surprised by the wolf::
Wolf: Bwee! Bwee, b-ki! (Good day young lady)
::I said wolf not pig!::
Ceres: ::runs onstage:: He's the only thing we have, we can't find Pantyhose Tarou.
::You're kidding right?::
Little Red Ridinghood: Wow, who's afraid of the big bad piggy? ::Giggles::
Ceres: Seriously, he's the only one who…erm… "volunteered".
Little Red Ridinghood: Which basically means that you splashed him from behind right?
Ceres: Yeah basically.
Little Red Ridinghood: Okay.
Ceres: ::Grins, runs off stage::
::Do you wanna start again then?::
Little Red Ridinghood: Okay.
Wolf: Bwee, bwee, b-ki! (Good day young lady)
Little Red Ridinghood: Good day Mr.…er….Wolf. ::She begins skipping again and P-Chan runs in front of her, tripping her. Miaka hits the floor:: Owie… ::Gets back up::
Wolf: Bwee, bwee, b-ki, bwee? (Wither away so hurriedly?)
Little Red Ridinghood: To my grandmother's. ::begins skipping and is again tripped:: Owie again…
Wolf: B-ki, b-ki, bwee? (And what might be in your basket?)
Little Red Ridinghood: Bread and wine so Grandmother has something good to make her strong.
Sharpsnout: And drunk!
Clear Shadow: ::kicks her:: Kris-Chan!
Sharpsnout: Ow!! Sorry!
Wolf: ::sweatdrop:: Bwee, bwee, bwee, b-ki? (And where might your grandmother live?)
::Miroku walks in and hides behind a tree::
Little Red Ridinghood: Further in the woods, her house stands under three large oak trees.
::Miaka skips off, P-Chan, after a moment runs after her and trips her a third time::
Little Red Ridinghood: Owie! Stop it!
Wolf: Bwee. (Sorry)
Little Red Ridinghood: Just sing the stupid song.
Wolf: BWEE, BWEE, B-KI, (LOOK AT THAT FLESH,)
BWEE, BWEE, BWEE. (PINK AND PLUMP.)
BWEE, BWEE, B-KI BWEE… (HELLO LITTLE GIRL...)
BWEE, BWEE, B-KI, (TENDER AND FRESH,)
BWEE, BWEE, BWEE. (NOT ONE LUMP.)
BWEE, BWEE, B-KI BWEE… (HELLO LITTLE GIRL...)
BWEE, BWEE, B-KI BWEE, BWEE, (THIS ONE'S ESPECIALLY LUSH,)
BWEE… (DELICIOUS...)
BWEE, BWEE, B-KI BWEE, (HELLO LITTLE GIRL)
BWEE, BWEE, BWEE? (WHAT'S YOU RUSH?)
BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, BWEE B-KI. (YOU'RE MISSING ALL THE FLOWERS)
B-KI, B-KI, B-KI, (THE SUN WON'T SET FOR HOURS)
BWEE, BWEE, BWEE. (TAKE YOUR TIME)
Little Red Ridinghood: O_O Wow…Um. Oh yeah! ::Clears throat:: MOTHER SAID,
"STRAIGHT AHEAD,"
NOT TO DELAY
OR BE MISLED.
Wolf: B-KI, BWEE, BWEE, (BUT SLOW LITTLE GIRL)
BWEE! B-KI— (HARK! AND HUSH—)
BWEE, BWEE, B-KI, B-KI-KI, (THE BIRDS ARE SINGING SWEETLY,)
BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, B-KI, (YOU'LL MISS THE BIRDS COMPLETELY,)
B-KI B-KI B-KI-KI. (YOU'RE TRAVELING SO FLEETLY.)
BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, (GRANDMOTHER FIRST,)
B-KI, BWEE, BWEE… (THEN MISS PLUMP...)
B-KI, B-KI, BWEE: (WHAT A DELECTABLE COUPLE:)
BWEE, B-KI, B-KI— (UTTER PERFECTION—)
BWEE, BWEE, B-KI, B-KI— (ONE BRITTLE, ONE SUPPLE—)
::sees LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD start to move off again::
BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, B-KI—! (ONE MOMENT, MY DEAR—!)
::Miaka stops and considers this::
Little Red Ridinghood: MOTHER SAID,
"COME WHAT MAY,
FOLLOW THE PATH
AND NEVER STRAY."
Wolf: BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, BWEE— (JUST SO, LITTLE GIRL—)
BWEE, BWEE, BWEE. (ANY PATH.)
BWEE, B-KI, B-KI, BWEE, BWEE. (SO MANY WORTH EXPLORING.)
B-KI, B-KI B-KI-KI. (JUST ONE WOULD BE SO BORING.)
BWEE, BWEE, B-KI, BWEE, BWEE… (AND LOOK WHAT YOU'RE IGNORING...)
::gestures to the trees and flowers. Miaka looks around::
BWEE BWEE BWEE BWEE BWEE, BWEE BWEE BWEE, (THINK OF THOSE CRISP, AGING BONES,)
BWEE BWEE BWEE B-KI, (THEN SOMETHING FRESH ON THE PALATE,)
BWEE BWEE B-KI B-KI BWEE (THINK OF THAT SCRUMPTIOUS CARNALITY)
BWEE BWEE BWEE—! (TWICE IN ONE DAY—!)
BWEE, B-KI B-KI (THERE'S NO POSSIBLE WAY)
B-KI, B-KI, BWEE, (TO DESCRIBE WHAT YOU FEEL,)
BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, BWEE, B-KI, B-KI. (WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO YOUR MEAL.)
Little Red Ridinghood: ::stops:: MOTHER SAID,
NOT TO STRAY
STILL I SUPPOSE,
A SMALL DELAY…
GRANNY MIGHT LIKE
A FRESH BOUQUET…
Goodbye, Mr. Wolf. ::Goes over to some flowers, picks them and leaves::
Wolf: Bwee, bwee, b-ki. (Goodbye little girl.)
BWEE, BWEE, BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…(AND HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO…) ::Howls:: B-ki! :I said howl!:: B-ki. B-ki! ::That's a howl? Oh well. P-Chan leaves::
Baker: ::Comes out from behind the tree:: Is harm to come to that little girl…in the red cape!
::Rina appears in a puff of smoke::
Witch: Forget the little girl and get the cape!
Baker: ::Clutches chest:: Where did you come from?!?
Witch: That's the cape. Get it!
Baker: How am I supposed to get it?
Witch: ::smacks forehead:: You go up to the little thing and you take it!
Baker: I can't take a cloak from some little girl. Why don't you take it?
Witch: If I could, I wouldn't need you now would I…
Rapunzel: ::singing sweetly off in the distance:: AHHHHH……
Witch: Ahh…my Rapunzel…listen to her—
Rapunzel: ::goes vastly off key::
Witch: ::cringe:: —Beautiful music… ::turns to Miroku:: Get me what I need! ::Leaves::
Baker: ::unhappy:: I'll never get that red cape, nor find a golden cow, or a yellow slipper— or was it a golden slipper and a yellow cow? Oh no…
Baker's Wife: ::softly, behind a tree:: THE COWS AS WHITE AS MILK,
THE CAPE AS RED AS BLOOD,
THE HAIR AS YELLOW AS CORN,
THE SLIPPER AS PURE AS—
Baker: ::whirls around:: What are you doing here?
Baker's Wife: ::comes forward and tries to put a scarf around Miroku's neck:: You forgot your scarf—
Baker: ::takes scarf off:: You have no business being alone in the Wood! Now go home immediately!
Baker's Wife: Don't you take that tone with me Miroku!
Baker: ::pale::
Baker's Wife: I wish to help.
Baker: No! The spell is on my h—!
::Kenshin walks in dragging Yahiko-White by a leash::
Yahiko-White: ::struggles:: I'm rebelling! I didn't want to play the damn cow!
Clear Shadow: Do it and I'll give you a cookie.
Yahiko-White: ::thinking:: Better be a big cookie.
::Chiyumi, seeing Kenshin and Yahiko-White, puts a hand over Miroku's mouth::
Baker's Wife: ::half-whispering:: A COW AS WHITE AS—
::Miroku sees Kenshin and removes Chiyumi's hand::
Baker and Wife: ::Half whispering:: —milk.
::Chiyumi pushes Miroku in Kenshin's direction and follows::
Baker: Hello there young man.
Jack: ::surprised:: Hello sir.
Baker: What might you be doing with a cow…in the middle of a forest?
Jack: I was heading towards market, that I was—but I seem to have lost my way, that I did.
Baker's Wife: ::coaching Miroku:: What are you planning to do there?
Baker: …Oh! And what are you planning to do there?
Baker's Wife: ::mutters:: Idiot.
Jack: Sell my cow sir, that I was. No less than five pounds.
Baker: Five pounds!
Baker's wife: For that? She weighs about five pounds.
Yahiko-White: Shut up!
Baker's wife: ::Kicks the cow::
Yahiko-White: Ow!! Owowowowowowow!
Baker's Wife: ::clears throat:: She must be generous of milk to fetch that sum.
Jack: ::Hesitant:: Yes Ma'am, that she is.
Baker's Wife: And if you can't fetch that sum? Then what are you to do?
Jack: I suppose Miss Karou and I will have no food to eat, that we won't.
::Miroku empties his pockets. He only has, some string, a pencil, a paper clip, a dirty magazine subscription card—::
Baker's Wife: A what?!?
Baker: ::very red:: Heh, heh, heh. N-nothing. You saw nothing…
::—and the witch's beans::
Baker's Wife: ::glaring at Miroku:: Beans— we mustn't give up our beans! Well…if you feel we must.
Baker: Huh?
Baker's Wife: ::to Kenshin:: Beans will bring you food little Samurai boy.
Jack: "Little Samurai Boy?" ::Head shake:: I mean. Beans in exchange for my cow?
Baker's Wife: Oh these are no ordinary beans, Chibi-Samurai-Kun. These beans carry magic.
Jack: Magic? What kind of magic?
Baker's Wife: ::nudges Miroku:: Tell him.
::Inuyasha appears in a tree::
Baker: Magic…that defies…description. Yes, that's it. These are Holy Beans.
Mysterious Man: …you'd be lucky to exchange her for a sack of beans.
::Miroku, Yahiko, and Kenshin jump. Chiyumi looks bored::
Jack: How many beans?
Yahiko-White: You're exchanging me for beans?!? ::Tries to bite Kenshin's leg::
Baker: Six.
Baker's Wife: Five! We can't part with all of them. We have to keep one for ourselves. 'Sides I bet they're worth at least a pound each.
Jack: Can I buy my cow back someday?
Baker: Umm……maybe. ::Hands Kenshin five beans then drops one in his pocket:: Good luck there young lad.
Jack: ::To Yahiko-White:: I GUESS THIS GOODBYE OLD PAL,
YOU'VE BEEN A PERFECT FRIEND.
I HATE TO SEE US PART OLD PAL.
SOMEDAY I'LL BUY YOU BACK.
I'LL SEE YOU SOON AGAIN.
I HOPE THAT WHEN I DO,
IT WON'T BE ON A PLATE. ::Runs off, sad.::
Yahiko-White: Plate?!? Whaddya mean on a plate?!?! Come back here!!!
Baker: ::pissed, well, for Miroku anyway:: Take the cow and go home!
Baker's Wife: I was trying to be helpful.
Baker: Magic beans!
Baker's Wife: Hold it Chibi-Monk-Kun, who said they were Holy Beans?
Baker: Are we going to dispel this curse through deceit?
Baker's Wife: IF YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU WANT
THEN YOU GO
AND YOU FIND IT
AND YOU GET IT—
Baker: ::points:: Home.
Baker's Wife: Do we want a child or not?
Baker: Well…
Baker's Wife:—AND YOU GIVE
AND YOU TAKE
AND YOU BID
AND YOU BARGAIN
OR YOU LIVE
TO REGRET IT
Baker: Will you please go home.
Baker's Wife: THERE ARE RIGHTS AND WRONGS
AND IN-BETWEENS—
NO ONE WAITS
WHEN FORTUNE INTERVENES.
AND MAYBE THEY'RE REALLY MAGIC
WHO KNOWS?
WHY YOU DO WHAT YOU DO. THAT'S THE POINT;
ALL THE REST OF IT IS CHATTER.
Baker: ::Looking at Yahiko-White:: Look at her she's crying.
Yahiko-White: I wanna go hoooooooooooome!!!!!!!
Baker's Wife: IF THE THING YOU DO IS PURE IN INTENT,
IF IT'S MEANT,
AND IT'S JUST A LITTLE BENT,
DOES IT MATTER?
Baker: YES.
Baker's Wife: NO, WHAT MATTERS IS THAT EVERYONE TELLS TINY LIES.
WHAT'S IMPORTANT, REALLY, IS THE SIZE.
ONLY THREE MORE TRIES AND WE'LL HAVE OUR PRIZE.
WHEN THE END'S IN SIGHT, YOU'LL REALIZE:
IF THE END IS RIGHT, IT JUSTIFIES THE BEANS!
Baker: Go home. I will carry this out in my own fashion!
::Chiyumi grabs Yahiko-White roughly by the leash and begins to drag him out::
Yahiko-White: No! Lemme stay with that guy! I'll be good! Oh please?? She's gonna eat me!!!
Clear Shadow: And so the Baker continued his search for the cape as red as blood. As for Rapunzel, the Witch was careful not to lose this beauty to the outside world, and so shut her within a door less tower ::Not a tower.:: What? ::Not a tower. We had to use a Gundam:: Oh, ok then…. Shut her within a Gundam that lay deep within the forest. And when the old enchantress paid a visit, she called forth:
::Rina goes to the tower, meanwhile Hawk comes in and kneels behind a tree hiding::
Rapunzel: AHHHHHH……..
Witch: Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair to me—Duo?!? What the hell?!
Rapunzel: ::lowers hair:: Not like I asked to do this!!
Witch: I should've known it was you when you went majorly off key!!
Rapunzel: My singing is just fine!!! Now are you going to climb up my braid or not?!
Witch: Yeah, yeah. :: Grabs braid and yanks herself up. Duo looks like he's in a huge amount of pain and has to grab the side of the Deathscythe to keep from falling down::
Rapunzel: Ever consider a diet?
Witch: ::Smacks him really hard:: SHUT UP!!!
Rapunzel's Prince: I won't say it, you can't make me!!
Sharpsnout: What the hell are you taking about?
Rapunzel's Prince: I'm not saying the line! Nobody told me it was Duo up there!!
Sharpsnout: Who'd you think it was?
Rapunzel's prince: anyone else! Terr! Rina! Hell, Relena, I could've understood, but Duo?!?!
Clear Shadow: Just say it.
Rapunzel's Prince: No way!
Yume Tenshi: Please?
Rapunzel's Prince: No!
MereMew: That's it! I'm getting' the hose!!!
Rapunzel's Prince: Yeah, well I'm getting' my Gundam!!! ::Leaves::
::Miroku enters and nearly runs over Miaka::
Little Red Ridinghood: That's the fourth time today! Stop knocking me down!
Baker: Sorry. Um, have you saved some of those sweets for Granny?
Little Red Ridinghood: I ate all the sweets…and half the loaf of bread.
Baker: Where did you get that beautiful cape? I so admire it.
Little Red Ridinghood: My Granny made it for me.
Baker: Is that right? I would love a red cloak like that. ::examines the cape::
Little Red Ridinghood: ::giggles:: You'd look pretty foolish. ::Miroku tugs on her cape, Miaka grabs on and tugs back::
Baker: May I take a look at it?
Little Red Ridinghood: ::panic:: I don't like to be without my cape! Please give it back! ::Tug of war ensues::
Baker: ::frustrated:: I want it badly.
Little Red Ridinghood: IT'S MINE!!!!!
Witch's Voice: Forget the little girl and get the cape!
::Miroku wins the tug of war and runs off with the cape::
Little Red Ridinghood: ::Blink, blink. Bursts into hysterical anime tears::
Baker: ::sheepish, puts cape back around Miaka's shoulders:: I just wanted to make sure you really loved it. Go on, go to granny's and make sure that no wolf come your way.
Little Red Ridinghood: I'd rather a wolf than you any day! ::Kicks Miroku in the shins. Wow, you're getting beat up left and right aren't you?::
Baker: ::nods Painfully:: IF YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU NEED
THEN YOU GO
AND YOU FIND IT
AND YOU TAKE IT
Do I want a child or not?
IT'S A CLOAK,
WHAT'S A CLOAK?
ITS A JOKE,
IT'S A STUPID LITTLE CLOAK,
AND A CLOAK IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.
::nods, convincing himself::
SO YOU TAKE IT.
THINGS ARE ONLY WHAT YOU NEED THEM FOR
WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS WHO NEEDS THEM MORE—
I need that cape! ::He chases after Miaka::
Yume Tenshi: And so the Baker, with new-found determination, went after the red cape. As for the little girl, she was surprised to find her Grandmother's cottage door standing open.
Little Red Ridinghood: ::walking up to the open doorway:: How uneasy I feel. ::snaps fingers:: The sweets… ah well. ::Walks in. P-Chan is laying in the bed under the covers all the way.:: Good day Grandmother. ::Gets closer to the bed and pokes the lump that is P-Chan:: My Grandmother, you're looking very strange. What big ears you have!
Wolf: Bwee, bwee, bwee, bwee. (The better to hear you with my dear)
Little Red Ridinghood: Oh. But Grandmother, what big eyes you have!
Wolf: Bwee, b-ki, b-ki, bwee. (The better to see you with my dear)
Little Red Ridinghood: Oh, grandmother what a big wet terrible mouth you have!
Wolf: Bwee, b-ki, bwee bwee! (The better to eat you with!)
::P-Chan launches himself out of bead and latches onto Miaka's face. Miaka runs around the room, trying to get him off and smacks into a wall. P-Chan tries to get her in the trapdoor under the bed, fails and squeals loudly::
Ceres: ::runs out:: What? Oh. Good job Ryoga you killed your daughter.
Wolf: Bwee bwee, b-ki, bwee!!! (Just help me out!)
Ceres: Sheesh, ok, ok, ok. ::gets the dazed Miaka under the door:: Happy? ::Leaves::
Sharpsnout: Uh…yeah. Ok. Um.. With his appetite appeased, the Wolf took to bed for a nice long nap.
::P-Chan begins snoring, Miroku enters::
Baker: Wow! What a snore! ::Looks through the window:: Odd, where is the little one? Eating, no doubt. ::Turns to go.::
Wolf: Buuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrppppppppppp………….
Baker: Or eaten!! ::stops, turns, goes into cottage with staff held defensively, and pokes lump on bed:: Grandmother, hah! I'll stop you before you eat some poor defenseless little girl!! :: goes to release the Vortex in his hand and all four narrators jump on him::
Clear Shadow: Are you nuts?!?
Yume Tenshi: It's just a play! P-Chan didn't really eat Miaka!!
Sharpsnout: Are you trying to kill us all?!?
MereMew: MORON!!!
Baker: ::blush:: Sorry, got a little carried away. ::Narrators back off, Miroku turns back to the lump and pulls out a knife:: What is that red cloth in the corner of your mouth? Looks to me to be a piece of the—A-HA!! I'll get the cape from within your stomach! ::Cut's open the lump. Ha ha, you thought it was P-Chan didn't you? Hee hee! Anyway, he cuts open the lump and Miaka steps out.::
Little Red Ridinghood: Ew disgusting! How dark and dank it was in there!
::Mousse pops out of the wolf::
Little Red Ridinghood: O_O!! Mousse-san?! How—Who—
Granny: ::throttling a lamp:: Kill the devil!!
Baker: ::Sweatdrop:: Why is he strangling a lamp?
Little Red Ridinghood: He doesn't have his glasses on. Mousse-san over here!! ::Grabs his hands and places them on the lump:: There you go throttle that.
Granny: Thank-you. Kill the devil!
Little Red Ridinghood: Granny!
Granny: Quiet child, this evil must be destroyed! Let's put rocks in his stomach and watch him try to get up!
Baker: ::scared:: Well, I will leave you to your task.
Granny: ::turns and talks to a chair:: Don't you want the skins?
Baker: Over this way. ::Miaka turns Mousse so he's facing Miroku::
Granny: Oh. Don't you want the skins?
Baker: No. No! You keep them.
Granny: What kind of hunter are you?
Baker: I'm a baker! ::Points to himself with the hand holding the knife, forgetting the he's still holding the knife and stabs himself in the chest:: Owie….
Clear Shadow: Miroku!! ::Runs over::
Yume Tenshi: He hurt himself!! ::Follows::
::Miaka goes outside the cottage as Clear Shadow and Yume Tenshi fawn over Miroku::
Little Red Ridinghood: MOTHER SAID
"STRAIGHT AHEAD,"
NOT TO DELAY
OR BE MISLED.
I SHOULD HAVE HEADED
HER ADVICE…
BUT HE SEEMED SO NICE.
AND HE SHOWED ME THINGS,
MANY BEAUTIFUL THINGS,
THAT I HADN'T THOUGHT TO EXPLORE.
THEY WERE OFF MY PATH ,
SO I NEVER HAD DARED.
I HAD BEEN SO CAREFUL
I NEVER HAD CARED.
AND HE MADE ME FEEL EXCITED—
WELL EXCITED AND SCARED.
WHEN HE SID "COME IN"
WITH THAT SICKENING GRIN,
HOW COULD I KNOW WHAT WAS IN STORE?
ONCE HIS TEETH WERE BARED,
THEN I REALLY GOT SCARED—
WELL, EXCITED AND SCARED—
BUT HE DREW ME CLOSE
AND HE SWALLOWED ME DOWN,
DOWN A DARK SLIMY PATH
WHERE LIES SECRETS THAT I NEVER WANT TO KNOW,
AND WHEN EVERYTHING FAMILIAR
SEEMED TO DISAPPEAR FOREVER,
AT THE END OF THE PATH
WAS GRANNY ONCE AGAIN.
SO WE WAIT IN THE DARK
UNTIL SOMEONE LET US FREE,
AND WE'RE BROUGHT INTO THE LIGHT,
AND WE'RE BACK AT THE START.
AND I KNOW THINGS NOW,
MANY VALUABLE THINGS,
THAT I HADN'T KNOWN BEFORE:
DO NOT PUT YOUR FAITH
IN A CAPE AND A HOOD—
THEY WILL NOT PROTECT YOU
THE WAY THAT THEY SHOULD—
AND TAKE EXTRA CARE WITH STRANGERS,
EVEN FLOWERS HAVE THEIR DANGERS.
AND THOUGH SCARY IS EXCITING,
NICE IS DIFFERENT THAN GOOD.
NOW I KNOW, DON'T BE SCARED
GRANNY IS RIGHT JUST BE PREPARED
ISN'T IT NICE TO KNOW A LOT?
AND A LITTLE BIT…NOT.
::Miroku walks up, dejected::
Mr. Baker you saved our lives. Here. ::Hands him the cape::
Baker: Are you certain?
Little Red Ridinghood: Yes. Maybe Granny will make me a new one with the skins of that wolf…with his glasses on I hope.
Baker: Thank you! ::Does happy dance of the ferret, kisses Miaka's cheek and leaves. Miaka makes an "Eww, cooties" face and leaves::
MereMew: And so the Baker, with the second article in hand, feeling braver and more satisfied than he had ever felt, ran back through the Woods. ::We see Karou's Dojo:: As for the lad Jack:
Jack's Mother: ::pissed like a distempered raccoon:: Only a dolt would exchange a cow for beans! Even a cow like Yahiko-White!! ::Chucks beans onto the ground::
Jack: Miss Karou no— ::Goes to get them::
Jack's Mother: To bed without supper for you! ::Grabs Kenshin's ponytail and drags him into the house.
Jack: Oro!!
Clear Shadow: Little did they know those beans would grow into an enormous stalk that would stretch into the heavens. Little also did they know since they could've eaten the damn beans!
::Chiyumi enters dragging a protesting Yahiko-White by the leash. Yahiko-White has a lantern. In the distance is ball music. Lilli runs onstage. Men's voices can be heard and Lilli dashes behind a tree and mouths the words "Keep quiet" to Chiyumi who nods::
::Fanfare, Raven and Van enter, look around and notice Chiyumi who is bowing gracefully::
Cinderella's Prince: Have you seen Lilli?
Steward: That's not the line.
Cinderella's Prince: Shut up slave boy.
Steward: I'm not your slave!
Baker's Wife: ::takes out Shukusens and hurl them at Raven and Van. Both young men become quiet:: You, ::Points to Raven:: Say the lines right.
Cinderella's Prince: Yeah fine. Have you seen a beautiful young woman in a ball gown pass through?
Baker's Wife: I don't think so sir.
Yahiko-White: Liar! She's behind the ::is whacked off the top of the head with a Shukusen:: Owie…
Steward: I think I see her over there. ::They dash off yelling insults at each other the whole way::
Baker's Wife: I've never lied to royalty before. I've never anything to royalty before!
Cinderella: ::comes out from tree:: Thanks.
Baker's Wife: What a beautiful gown! Were you at the king's festival?
Cinderella: ::Sarcastic:: No.
Baker's Wife: Really?
Cinderella: Yes I was at the ball!!
Baker's Wife: Aren't you the lucky one? If a prince were chasing after me, I certainly wouldn't hide. Tell me about the ball.
Cinderella: What brings you here—and with a cow?
Baker's Wife: Oh, my husband's somewhere in the woods. ::proud:: He is undoing a spell.
Cinderella: ::impressed:: Oh?
Baker's Wife: Oh, yes. Now, the Prince, what was he like?
Cinderella: HE'S A VERY NICE PRINCE.
Baker's Wife: And—?
Cinderella: And— IT'S A VERY NICE BALL.
Baker's Wife: And—?
Cinderella: And— WHEN I ENTERED, THEY TRUMPETED.
Baker's Wife: And—? The Prince—?
Cinderella: Oh, the Prince...
Baker's Wife: Yes, the Prince!
Cinderella: WELL, HE'S TALL.
Baker's Wife: IS THAT ALL? Did you dance? Is he charming? They say that he's charming.
Cinderella: Charming? Raven? WE DID NOTHING BUT DANCE.
Baker's Wife: Yes—? And—?
Cinderella: AND IT MADE A NICE CHANGE.
Baker's Wife: No, the Prince!
Cinderella: Oh, the Prince...
Baker's Wife: Yes, the Prince.
Cinderella: HE HAS CHARM FOR A PRINCE, I GUESS...
Baker's Wife: Guess?
Cinderella: I DON'T MEET A WIDE RANGE.
AND IT'S ALL VERY STRANGE.
Baker's Wife: Are you to return to the festival tomorrow eve?
Cinderella: Perhaps.
Baker's Wife: Perhaps? Oh to be pursued by a prince. All that peruses me is tomorrow's bread. And Miroku on occasion. Ok not on occasion…a lot. What I wouldn't give to be in your shoes.
Cinderella: Hey look a huge vine is growing next to that!
Baker's Wife: I mean slippers!
Cinderella: Looks like a beanstalk.
Baker's Wife: ::excited:: As pure as gold?!
Cinderella: I must get home. ::Begins to leave::
Baker's Wife: Wait! ::Lilli leaves:: I need your shoes!
Yahiko-White: I'm outta here! ::runs::
Baker's Wife: Wait! You little creep! Get back here!! ::runs after Yahiko-White::
::one by one each of the characters appears moving through the woods, darting in and out of trees and paths, pursuing their errands, mostly oblivious to the others::
Baker: One midnight gone...
Mysterious Man: No knot unties itself.
Witch: Sometimes the things you most wish for are not to be touched.
Cinderella's Prince, Rapunzel's Prince: The harder to get, the better to have...
Cinderella's Prince: Agreed?
Rapunzel's Prince: Agreed.
Florinda: Never wear mauve at a ball...
Lucinda: Or pink...
Stepmother: Or open your mouth...
Jack: ::Looking at the beanstalk:: The difference between a cow and a bean is a bean can begin an adventure, that it can…
Jack's Mother: Slotted spoons don't hold much soup...
Little Red Ridinghood: The prettier the flower, the farther from the path...
Cinderella's Father: The closer to the family, the closer to the wine...
Rapunzel: ::Offstage:: AHHH... ::Goes off key, all cringe::
Witch: One midnight gone!
Granny: The mouth of a wolf's not the end of the world...
Steward: A servant is not just a dog, to a Prince...
Cinderella: Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor...
Baker's Wife: You may know what you need, but to get what you want, better see that you keep what you have...
::All begin to overlap each other::
Baker: One midnight gone...
Witch: Sometimes the things you most wish for are not to be touched...
Cinderella's Prince, Rapunzel's Prince: The harder to get, the better to have...
Cinderella's Prince: Agreed?
Rapunzel's Prince: Agreed...
Baker: One midnight gone...one midnight gone...
Florinda: Never wear mauve at a ball...
Lucinda: Or pink...
Jack's Mother: Slotted spoons don't hold much soup...
Baker's Wife: To get what you want better see that you keep what you have...
Little Red Ridinghood: The prettier the flower...
All: One midnight, one midnight, one midnight gone!
INTO THE WOODS,
INTO THE WOODS,
INTO THE WOODS,
THEN OUT OF THE WOODS
AND HOME BEFORE—
END OF SCENE TWO