Chapter 1: hobbits ARE evil
Two rather surprised shrieks echoed through Rivendell as the rest of the fellowship, Legolas' family and Elrond were in council. "Ho! What calls so?" asked a rather nervous [well wouldn't you be if you were marrying Arwen?] Aragorn/Strider. "'Tis only Merridoc and Perrigrin, I believe." Wheezed a rather decrepit old man smoking weed.
Just then the two aforementioned hobbits careened into the room, covered in stew and their hair sticking on end. "Why, what has happened to you, friends?" asked Elrond. Out of what followed only the words: Legolas, shroom, evil and help! Could be understood. But that was enough to bring horror to the faces of those of Mirkwood.
They all knew what the hobbits didn't.
Shrooms + Elf =Little Elf.
BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG mistake. At the same moment that the elvish cross dresser attempted to run to the room where the hobbits had emerged from, a little elf in extra large clothes (at least for him) sprinted out of the room yelling like a maniac. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" He ran up and down the hall swinging on banisters and knocking everybody over. Thranduil, who had dealt with this a thousand years before, decided that he would duck into the next room.
In here, he met up with a variety of others, who had also ducked in the room to escape the carnage. "I'm apologise if I sound ignorant," began a rather fat, clock-stoppingly-ugly dwarf, "but WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" Gimli seemed to be with the hobbits on the shroom + elf thing. And he paid for his ignorance as well. "You see master dwarf," started Thranduil, " when an elf eats a certain type of mushroom, it takes 2000 years off of their life. For some elves, this would be quite all right, as they are about 4000 years old. However, Legolas was a mere 2963 years old, and the mushrooms that those-" "IDIOTIC HOBBITS FED TO HIM TURNED HIM INTO A BLOODY LITTLE DEVIL." Interrupted the old man, who seemed a lot more powerful when he was cursing hobbits. Gimli, who seemed a bit lost, then asked Thranduil what was wrong with a sweet little elf tagging along with them to the wedding. "Look at your beard, Master Dwarf." intruded one of the elves in the room.
Outside, all that could be heard was a loud roar of AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH's. And then he got really mad and started screaming even loader. "MY BEARD!!! MY BEAUTIFUL BEARD!!! IT'S PINK…" at which point he burst into tears, and started crying on Elronds purple robes. Elrond patted the dwarf awkwardly on the back, and when Gimli was finished crying, he stood up and demanded to know "Who did this to me????" "As I was saying, Master Dwarf" continued Thranduil, "Legolas was a bit of a trouble maker when he was little-"
"A BIT? A BIT OF A TROUBLEMAKER? ARE YOU F@#$&*^G INSANE!" Interupted one of Legolas's brothers on the verge of hysteria. "Sauron was 'a bit of a troublemaker'! Legolas was a bl*&dy force of nature! The One Ring ordeal was a picnic compared to the terror that little gremlin can create!" Thranduil sighed and continued. "If you will remove your helmet, I'm sure you will find his trade mark somewhere." As expected, when Gimli removed his helmet, a little green leaf floated to the ground, and landed at his feet.
*How bad is a kiddie Legolas actually? What happens to Rivendel? Why is a baby Legolas a bad thing? Find out in the next chapter: It ws THEIR fault.*
Two rather surprised shrieks echoed through Rivendell as the rest of the fellowship, Legolas' family and Elrond were in council. "Ho! What calls so?" asked a rather nervous [well wouldn't you be if you were marrying Arwen?] Aragorn/Strider. "'Tis only Merridoc and Perrigrin, I believe." Wheezed a rather decrepit old man smoking weed.
Just then the two aforementioned hobbits careened into the room, covered in stew and their hair sticking on end. "Why, what has happened to you, friends?" asked Elrond. Out of what followed only the words: Legolas, shroom, evil and help! Could be understood. But that was enough to bring horror to the faces of those of Mirkwood.
They all knew what the hobbits didn't.
Shrooms + Elf =Little Elf.
BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG mistake. At the same moment that the elvish cross dresser attempted to run to the room where the hobbits had emerged from, a little elf in extra large clothes (at least for him) sprinted out of the room yelling like a maniac. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" He ran up and down the hall swinging on banisters and knocking everybody over. Thranduil, who had dealt with this a thousand years before, decided that he would duck into the next room.
In here, he met up with a variety of others, who had also ducked in the room to escape the carnage. "I'm apologise if I sound ignorant," began a rather fat, clock-stoppingly-ugly dwarf, "but WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" Gimli seemed to be with the hobbits on the shroom + elf thing. And he paid for his ignorance as well. "You see master dwarf," started Thranduil, " when an elf eats a certain type of mushroom, it takes 2000 years off of their life. For some elves, this would be quite all right, as they are about 4000 years old. However, Legolas was a mere 2963 years old, and the mushrooms that those-" "IDIOTIC HOBBITS FED TO HIM TURNED HIM INTO A BLOODY LITTLE DEVIL." Interrupted the old man, who seemed a lot more powerful when he was cursing hobbits. Gimli, who seemed a bit lost, then asked Thranduil what was wrong with a sweet little elf tagging along with them to the wedding. "Look at your beard, Master Dwarf." intruded one of the elves in the room.
Outside, all that could be heard was a loud roar of AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH's. And then he got really mad and started screaming even loader. "MY BEARD!!! MY BEAUTIFUL BEARD!!! IT'S PINK…" at which point he burst into tears, and started crying on Elronds purple robes. Elrond patted the dwarf awkwardly on the back, and when Gimli was finished crying, he stood up and demanded to know "Who did this to me????" "As I was saying, Master Dwarf" continued Thranduil, "Legolas was a bit of a trouble maker when he was little-"
"A BIT? A BIT OF A TROUBLEMAKER? ARE YOU F@#$&*^G INSANE!" Interupted one of Legolas's brothers on the verge of hysteria. "Sauron was 'a bit of a troublemaker'! Legolas was a bl*&dy force of nature! The One Ring ordeal was a picnic compared to the terror that little gremlin can create!" Thranduil sighed and continued. "If you will remove your helmet, I'm sure you will find his trade mark somewhere." As expected, when Gimli removed his helmet, a little green leaf floated to the ground, and landed at his feet.
*How bad is a kiddie Legolas actually? What happens to Rivendel? Why is a baby Legolas a bad thing? Find out in the next chapter: It ws THEIR fault.*