Chapter 3: When Elves Try and Hide.
Once it was obvious that Legolas wasn't following them, the elves stopped running to listen to what was happening back in Elrond's house. They started a discussion on what to do about the situation, which was suddenly interrupted by a high-pitched, almost girlish, scream. In seconds this scream was matched in decibels by what sounded like…a laugh?
"What the Morodor?" Glorolas broke the silence.
That was quickly followed by an "OH MY ELBERETH…THAT SOUNDS LIKE ESTEL!!!"
"MY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE" a rather sarcastic "That's such a lovely house Elrond!"
and various other murmurs which we didn't catch, and therefore can't add into the story.
Anyway, somewhere in between all of this, the fleeing weed-basher, the incredibly stupid hobbits and the new punk dwarf came wheezing into the picture. Everyone was absolutely terrified. In part because Elrond's million year old house lay in shambles, perhaps because of that blood-curdling girl shriek which Arwen could actually identify, and maybe because the transvestite elf was crying, but mostly because Gandalf had managed to keep his pipe full, and lit, while they were fleeing.
Everyone saw the tiny figure emerge from the ruins, and perch himself on the tallest tree in the garden. "EST-" Thranduil managed to gag Undomiel before she gave them away. He dragged her into the cover of the brush (scratching her along the way. Followed by a sarcastic, "aww…poor Arwen."). All of the others followed. When he was sure Arwen was going to stay silent, Thranduil quietly whispered, "I love my son, but I think we'd better go into hiding." Then to his sons "Do you still remember the location of the underground caves where we hid during Legolas' childhood? Good, lead on." Turning back to the others, "When Legolas was growing up, we left him to it, and went in hiding below Lothlorien. When he had matured Celeborn and Galadriel let us know, and then we went and re-built our house. But perhaps this time they have a cure for the shrooms. Only Elbereth can say."
This lovely little speech set Arwen fuming. She may look like an elf, but she is a female elf, and her temper soars high. "THIS IS MY WEDDING DAY, AND I WILL GET MARRIED, AND IT WILL BE TO ARAGORN AND WE ARE NOT GOING TO LEAVE HIM IN THAT CRAP HOLE WITH THAT TERROR THAT THRANDUIL CALLS A SON!!! YOU KNOW WHAT, I BET IT ISNT EVEN YOUR SON. I BET YOUR WIFE WAS CHEATING ON YOU WITH CELEBORN!!!! AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF THAT BASTARD IS GOING TO RUIN MY WEDDING DAY!!!! NOW GET BACK UP TO THOSE RUINS NOW. ALL OF YOU. And Thranduil, if you ever touch me again I will whip your ass so bad you will wish you had left for the Grey Haven yesterday. MOVE!!!!"
Those holes in the ground wouldn't have helped them anyways. Legolas was following only two meters behind. Now Arwen's wedding dress was brown, Gloralas was bald and Elrond had a great big hole in his robe, which was flashing his polka dot boxers at everyone.
*Where will they go now that Rivendel is basically fucked? Is Celeborn really Legolas's father? Will Arwen ever get married? Will Elrond ever notice that he's flashing? Find out in the next chapter: What's its gots in its packsiz?*
Once it was obvious that Legolas wasn't following them, the elves stopped running to listen to what was happening back in Elrond's house. They started a discussion on what to do about the situation, which was suddenly interrupted by a high-pitched, almost girlish, scream. In seconds this scream was matched in decibels by what sounded like…a laugh?
"What the Morodor?" Glorolas broke the silence.
That was quickly followed by an "OH MY ELBERETH…THAT SOUNDS LIKE ESTEL!!!"
"MY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE" a rather sarcastic "That's such a lovely house Elrond!"
and various other murmurs which we didn't catch, and therefore can't add into the story.
Anyway, somewhere in between all of this, the fleeing weed-basher, the incredibly stupid hobbits and the new punk dwarf came wheezing into the picture. Everyone was absolutely terrified. In part because Elrond's million year old house lay in shambles, perhaps because of that blood-curdling girl shriek which Arwen could actually identify, and maybe because the transvestite elf was crying, but mostly because Gandalf had managed to keep his pipe full, and lit, while they were fleeing.
Everyone saw the tiny figure emerge from the ruins, and perch himself on the tallest tree in the garden. "EST-" Thranduil managed to gag Undomiel before she gave them away. He dragged her into the cover of the brush (scratching her along the way. Followed by a sarcastic, "aww…poor Arwen."). All of the others followed. When he was sure Arwen was going to stay silent, Thranduil quietly whispered, "I love my son, but I think we'd better go into hiding." Then to his sons "Do you still remember the location of the underground caves where we hid during Legolas' childhood? Good, lead on." Turning back to the others, "When Legolas was growing up, we left him to it, and went in hiding below Lothlorien. When he had matured Celeborn and Galadriel let us know, and then we went and re-built our house. But perhaps this time they have a cure for the shrooms. Only Elbereth can say."
This lovely little speech set Arwen fuming. She may look like an elf, but she is a female elf, and her temper soars high. "THIS IS MY WEDDING DAY, AND I WILL GET MARRIED, AND IT WILL BE TO ARAGORN AND WE ARE NOT GOING TO LEAVE HIM IN THAT CRAP HOLE WITH THAT TERROR THAT THRANDUIL CALLS A SON!!! YOU KNOW WHAT, I BET IT ISNT EVEN YOUR SON. I BET YOUR WIFE WAS CHEATING ON YOU WITH CELEBORN!!!! AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF THAT BASTARD IS GOING TO RUIN MY WEDDING DAY!!!! NOW GET BACK UP TO THOSE RUINS NOW. ALL OF YOU. And Thranduil, if you ever touch me again I will whip your ass so bad you will wish you had left for the Grey Haven yesterday. MOVE!!!!"
Those holes in the ground wouldn't have helped them anyways. Legolas was following only two meters behind. Now Arwen's wedding dress was brown, Gloralas was bald and Elrond had a great big hole in his robe, which was flashing his polka dot boxers at everyone.
*Where will they go now that Rivendel is basically fucked? Is Celeborn really Legolas's father? Will Arwen ever get married? Will Elrond ever notice that he's flashing? Find out in the next chapter: What's its gots in its packsiz?*