Into the Woods

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 Ok since it's a new act and there are new characters I'll put up a new disclaimer. Ahem. I own Chiyumi, Lilli, Rina, Amari, Nadeshiko, Sakura, and Akemi. Sharpsnout Owns Hawk, Ty and Ashi. Yume Tenshi owns Miaka and Matiko. None of us own Rorouni Kenshin, Gundam Wing, Zoids, Inuyasha, Ranma ½ or the musical "Into the Woods".

Also since we have some new faces in this Act I have added to the cast list and put it into some sort of order.

Cast List:

Narrators: Clear Shadow, Yume Tenshi, Sharpsnout and MereMew

Cinderella's Cast:

Cinderella's Stepmother: Irvine

Lucinda: Moonbay

Cinderella's Mother: Rudolf

Cinderella's Prince: Raven

Cinderella: Lilli

Florinda: Fiona

Cinderella's Father: Dr. D

Steward: Van

Baker's Cast:

Baker: Miroku

Baker's Wife: Chiyumi

Mysterious Man: Inuyasha

Little Red Ridinghood's Cast:

Little Red Ridinghood: Hibiki Miaka

Wolf: P-Chan

Granny: Mousse

Jack and the Beanstalk's Cast:

Jack: Himura Kenshin

Milky White (Called Yahiko-White for the sake of humor): Yahiko

Jack's Mother: Kamiya Karou

Rapunzel's Cast:

Rapunzel: Maxwell Duo

Witch: Maxwell Rina

Rapunzel's Prince: Hawk

New Faces:

Cinderella's Prince: Ashi

Rapunzel's Prince: Ty

Little Red Runningshorts: Hibiki Matiko

Giant: Sagara Sanosuke

Giant: Mizukagami Akemi

Baker and Baker's Wife's Baby: Ugami Amari

Rapunzel's Twins: Ugami Sakura and Ugami Nadeshiko

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ACT TWO

Scene One

::On the stage are three sections. On the left is a castle where Lilli now lives. She's sitting on the throne. In the middle is Kenshin and Karou's house. It now looks very posh. Kenshin is with Yahiko-White and Karou is holding the Golden harp. On the right is Chiyumi and Miroku's house. It's s huge mess—::

Baker's Wife: Hey.

::Well, it is.::

Baker's Wife: You could put it more nicely.

::Alright, alright, alright. It's cluttered with baking stuff and baby stuff. Chiyumi holds a baby that won't shut up. All on stage are frozen Clear Shadow, Yume Tenshi, Sharpsnout and MereMew step forward::

Clear Shadow: Once upon a time— ::Music begins:: —Later— 
::Spotlight on Lilli::
Cinderella: I WISH...

Yume Tenshi: —in the same far-off kingdom—
Cinderella: MORE THAN ANYTHING...
Sharpsnout:—lived a young Princess--
Cinderella: MORE THAN LIFE...
MereMew: —the lad Jack—

::light on Kenshin::
Cinderella: MORE THAN FOOTMEN...
Jack: I WISH, that I do ...
Clear Shadow: —and the Baker and his family—
::light on Miroku and Chiyumi with the baby::
Baby: WAAH!
Jack: NO, I MISS, that I certainly do...
Cinderella, Baker: I WISH...
Baby: WAAH!
Jack: MORE THAN ANYTHING...
Cinderella, Baker, Jack: MORE THAN THE MOON...
Baker's Wife: ::to the baby:: There, there...
Cinderella: I WISH TO SPONSOR A FESTIVAL.
Baby: WAAH!
Baker: MORE THAN LIFE...
Jack: I MISS, that I do...
Cinderella: THE TIME HAS COME FOR A FESTIVAL...
Baby: WAAH!
Baker's Wife: Shh...
Baker: ::overlapping:: MORE THAN RICHES...
Cinderella: AND A BALL...
Jack: I MISS MY KINGDOM UP IN THE SKY, that I do.
Cinderella, Baker: MORE THAN ANYTHING...
Baker's Wife: I WISH WE HAD MORE ROOM...
Jack: ::to harp:: PLAY, HARP...
Baker: ANOTHER ROOM...
::Kenshin pokes the harp and it sings. Irvine, attended by the blinded Fiona and Moonbay, enters the castle::

Yume Tenshi: But despite some minor inconveniences, they were all quite content...
::Raven enters the castle::
Cinderella: I NEVER THOUGHT I'D WED A PRINCE...
Cinderella's Prince: I NEVER THOUGHT I'D FIND PERFECTION...

Clear Shadow: It can sing!
Cinderella, Cinderella's Prince: I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD BE SO HAPPY!
Cinderella: NOT AN UNHAPPY MOMENT SINCE...
Jack, Jack's Mother: I DIDN'T THINK WE'D BE THIS RICH...
Cinderella's Prince: NOT A CONCEIVABLE OBJECTION...
Baker, Baker's Wife: I NEVER THOUGHT WE'D HAVE A BABY...
Cinderella, Cinderella's Prince, Jack, Jack's Mother: I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD BE SO HAPPY!
Baker, Baker's Wife: ::overlapping:: I'M SO HAPPY!
Stepmother: HAPPY NOW,

        HAPPY HENCE, HAPPY EVER AFTER—

Stepmother, Stepsisters: ::to Lilli:: WE'RE SO HAPPY YOU'RE SO HAPPY,

    JUST AS LONG AS YOU STAY HAPPY,
               WE'LL STAY HAPPY...

Cinderella, Cinderella's Prince: NOT ONE ROW...
Jack's Mother: POTS OF PENCE...
Jack: WITH MY COW...

Yahiko-White: For the last time!!! I am not a cow!!!!
Baker, Baker's Wife: LITTLE GURGLES...
Cinderella's Prince: ::to Lilli:: DARLING, I MUST GO NOW...
::exits::

Cinderella: ::Giggles:: "Darling"?
Jack's Mother: ::to Kenshin:: WE SHOULD REALLY SELL IT. 
Baker: ::to Chiyumi:: WHERE'S THE CHEESECLOTH?

Jack's Mother: No really, all Yahiko-White does is eat and sleep.

Yahiko-White: Yeah well at least I don't have a tonooki face!!!

Jack's Mother: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?!?

All others: WISHES MAY BRING PROBLEMS,

      SUCH THAT YOU REGRET THEM.

All: BETTER THAT, THOUGH,

       THAN TO NEVER GET THEM...
Cinderella: I'M GOING TO BE A PERFECT WIFE!
Jack: ::overlapping:: I'M GOING TO BE A PERFECT SON!
Baker's Wife, Jack's Mother: I'M GOING TO BE A PERFECT MOTHER!
Baker: I'M GOING TO BE A PERFECT FATHER!

           I'M SO HAPPY!
Cinderella, Jack, Jack's Mother, Baker's Wife: ::overlapping:: I'M GOING TO SEE

   THAT HE ::SHE::

   IS SO HAPPY!

All: I NEVER THOUGHT I'D LOVE MY LIFE!

       I WOULD HAVE SETTLED FOR ANOTHER!
Cinderella: THEN TO BECOME A WIFE...
Jack, Jack's Mother: THEN TO BE SET FOR LIFE...
Baker, Baker's Wife: THEN TO BEGET A CHILD...
All: THAT FORTUNE SMILED...

       I'M SO HAPPY!
Baker's Wife: ::hands the baby to Miroku, who is very awkward in holding the child:: If only this cottage were a little larger.  With a backyard or something.
Baker: I will expand our quarters in due time.
Baker's Wife: Why DIY when we can move? It'd be easier and you wouldn't screw up anything. ::Baby cries::
Baker: We will not move. This was my father's house, and now it will be my son's.
Baker's Wife: Long family heritage, blah, blah, blah. You would raise your child alongside a Witch?
Baker: ::edgy:: Why does he always cry when I hold him?
Baker's Wife: Babies cry. He's fine. He's not made of china you know.

Baker: I might upset the prayer beads. Besides, he wants his mother. Here.

::Baker carefully passes Baby back to Chiyumi. Baby stops crying::
Baker's Wife: I can't take care of him all the time!
Baker: I'll take care of him when he's older.

Baker's Wife: Give me a break!
Baker, Baker's Wife, Jack, Jack's Mother: WE HAD TO GO THROUGH THICK AND THIN.
Stepmother, Florinda, Lucinda: WE HAD TO LOSE A LOT TO WIN.
Cinderella: I VENTURED OUT AND SAW WITHIN.
All: I NEVER THOUGHT

       I'D BE SO MUCH I HADN'T BEEN!
       I'M SO HAPPY...
::The song is suddenly interrupted by a loud rumbling noise followed by a big ass crash. Hey that rhymed. Anyway.  Miroku's house caves in. He is caught underneath the rubble as Chiyumi runs forward with their Baby
::Everyone freezes. Kenshin, Yahiko-White and Karou look concerned. Lilli sends Irvine out to investigate. I'm not really sure if there's an accident onstage::

Clear Shadow: You mean you don't know? But you're the stage directions. You know everything.

::Sorry::
Baker's Wife: Oh, my goodness.
Baker: ::stunned:: Are you all right?
Baker's Wife: I think so.
Baker: And the baby?
Baker's Wife: Yes, he's fine. Are you all right?
::Miroku nods. Rina enters, looking highly disgruntled::
Baker: ::to Rina:: You! Have you done this to our house?
Witch: Always thinking of yourself? Look at my garden.
Baker's Wife: What of your garden?

Witch: ::Smacks forehead:: Look!
::Miroku and Chiyumi look at the garden which is squashed flat::
Baker: Destroyed.
Baker's Wife: Damn that sucks…what happened?
Witch: I was thrown to the ground. I saw nothing.
Baker's Wife: What could do such a thing?
Baker: An earthquake.
Witch: No earthquake! My garden has been trampled. Those are footprints!
Baker's Wife: Who could do such a thing?
Witch: Anything that leaves a footprint that big is no "who."
::the following spoken in rhythm::
Baker: Do you think it was a bear?
Witch: A bear? Bears are sweet. Besides, you ever see a bear with forty-foot feet?
Baker's Wife: A dragon?
Witch: ::shaking her head:: No scorch marks-- Usually they're linked.
Baker: Manticore?
Witch: Imaginary.
Baker, Baker's Wife: Griffin?
Witch: ::Exasperated:: Extinct.
Baker: Giant?
Witch: Don't be… wait…Possible. Very, very possible...
::music fades under::
Baker: A Giant...
Baker's Wife: Maybe we should tell someone.
Witch: Who are you going to tell?
Baker: The royal family, of course.
Witch: ::lets out a loud snicker:: The royal family!?!? I wouldn't count on that family to snuff out a rat! With a Giant, we'll all have to go to battle! ::change of tone:: A Giant's the worst! A Giant has a brain. Hard to outwit a Giant. A Giant's just like us—only bigger! Much, much bigger! So big that we are just an expendable bug beneath its foot. ::suddenly steps on a bug:: BOOM...CRUNCH! ::we hear it crunch as she grinds it into the floor and then eats it::

Witch: What?!? No way am I eating a bug. Not for you, not or anyone!!! ::Rina exits::
Baker's Wife: We are moving! And don't argue!!!

Baker: ::Holds up hands in surrender::
Sharpsnout: And so, the Baker proceeded to the castle, but not before visiting Jack and his mother. Why the detour anyway?

Baker: Because they know a lot more about giants than I do.

Sharpsnout: Oh, alright then.
::knock on Kenshin's door; Miroku enters::
Jack: Look, Yahiko-White. It's the butcher, that it is.
Baker: The baker.
Jack: The baker...

Yahiko-White: Yeah whatever.
Jack's Mother: What can we do for you, sir?

Baker: You can bear my child.

Clear Shadow: Miroku!!

Baker: Oh don't worry you and Yume are on the top of the waiting list.

Clear Shadow: Oh. That's alright then. Go ahead.
Baker: I'm here to investigate the destruction that was wrought upon our house today.
Jack's Mother: ::defensive:: Jack has been home with me all day.

Jack: Oro?
MereMew: The Baker told Jack and his mother that he feared there was a Giant in the land.
Jack: I can recognize a Giant's footstep, that I can! I could go to your house—
Jack's Mother: You'll do no such thing!
Baker: Any help at all—
Jack's Mother: I am sorry, but you'll get none from us. ::opens the door for the Miroku::
No one cared when there was a Giant in my backyard! I don't remember you volunteering to come to my aid.
Baker: A Giant in your backyard is one thing. A crushed home is quite another.
Jack's Mother: ::change of tone:: Look, young man. Giants never strike the same house twice. I wouldn't worry.
Baker: I am taking this news to the castle, nonetheless. ::exits::
Clear Shadow: When the Baker reached the castle, it was the Princess who greeted his news. The story unfolds.
::fanfare; Van enters::
Steward: S'cuse me Lil, this monk wants to see you.

::Miroku enters. ::

Baker: ::kneels, kisses Lilli's hem::  Will you bear my child?

Cinderella: No.

Baker: Oh. Well then. Princess, I've come to report the appearance of a Giant in the land.
Cinderella: Where did you see a Giant?
Baker: Well, I didn't exactly see it.
Steward: Then how do you know there is one?
Baker: Our house was destroyed and there are footprints—
Steward: That could have been caused by any number of things. Raven is out and about. I bet it was his Zoid.

Cinderella: Yeah probably. Don't worry about it.

Baker: Wait. A Giant visited a nearby household not long ago...descending from a beanstalk—
Cinderella: Yes, I remember.
Steward: That Giant was killed, pal. Now c'mon—
Baker: ::apologetic:: Wait, please. We have a young child. Princess, our child was very difficult to come by. His safety is of great importance to me.

Cinderella: So you did find someone to bear your child?

Baker: Yes.
Steward: Are we done now?
Baker: Yes.
Cinderella: I will take this news up with Raven when he gets back. I doubt it's anything serious though. Probably Irvine or Dr. D out for a joyride. They do that you know.

::Miroku and Van exit. Lilli, Van, Miroku, and Chiyumi freeze::
Jack's Mother: ::with her coat on:: I'm going off to market, Jack.
Jack: Goodbye, Miss Karou.
Jack's Mother: Now, I want you stay inside.
Jack: But I haven't been outside all day, that I haven't!
Jack's Mother: Jack. Listen to me! I don't want you out when there might be a Giant on the loose.
Jack: But I know how to kill a Giant, that I do!
Jack's Mother: Please! We've had our fill of Giants!
Jack: But Miss Karou, if I could help—
Jack's Mother: Enough! Promise me, son, you won't leave your surroundings!
Jack: But Miss Karou, I'm a man now.

MereMew: And a hot one at that!

Clear Shadow: Was that necessary?

MereMew: Is bearing Miroku's child?

Clear Shadow: Yes.

MereMew: Then so is this.

Clear Shadow: No it isn't!

MereMew: Yes it is!

Clear Shadow: Oh shut up!

MereMew: You!

Clear Shadow: You!

Everyone else: CAN WE CONTINUE OR NOT!?!?

Clear Shadow, MereMew: Sorry….
Jack's Mother: You're still a little boy in your mother's eyes. I want you to promise. ::pause:: Promise!
Jack: ::reluctantly:: I promise.
::Karou gives Kenshin a peck on the cheek, then smacks Yahiko-White upside the head, and exits. Kenshin, Karou and Yahiko-White all freeze::

::Miaka knocks on Miroku and Chiyumi door and enters, suitcase in hand followed by Matiko; Miroku and Chiyumi are sitting, looking over insurance papers for the house::

Baker's Wife: Yep, here it is. We are covered for giant damage.

Baker: ::Whistles:: Giants, tornados, bad cooking, baking accidents,  dueling martial artists, floods, robberies, polynomial division………
Little Red Ridinghood: What happened to your house?
Baker's Wife: We've had a baking accident.
Baker: Baking accident?

Little Red Runningshorts: What's a baking accident?

Clear Shadow: ::Opens her mouth to go into the whole baking accident thing again and is pounced on by the other narrators::

Yume Tenshi: Don't you even!!
Baker's Wife: ::whispers to him:: No use frightening the young thing.
Baker: ::whispers back:: You can't frighten her.  She lives with Milky Way.

Baker's Wife: Oh yeah…

Yume Tenshi: ::Threatening:: What about my cat?

Everyone else: Nothing!
Little Red Ridinghood: Well, I guess Mousse-san will have to do without the bread and sweets. Besides, I have all I can carry. ::drops suitcase::
Baker's Wife: ::trying to lift suitcase:: Oi! What the hell d'ya have in here??
Little Red Ridinghood: Oh. We're moving in with Mousse-san. We had an accident, too. I came home to find our house collapsed. As if a big wind blew it in. I couldn't find my mother anywhere. All I could find was my brother.

Little Red Runningshorts: ::Has set the insurance papers on fire:: Pretty…
Baker's Wife: Stop that!! ::Tries to put out fire but the papers are ruined:: Oh shit…
Little Red Ridinghood: So we salvaged what we could, and now we're off.

Baker's Wife: The insurance…

Little Red Runningshorts: ::Grins up at her::
::music continues under. birds descend, chirp to Lilli::
Cinderella: Oh, good friends. Any news for me? ::listens:: What of Mother's grave? ::listens:: What kind of trouble? ::listens:: Oh, no. I can't investigate. A Princess is not supposed to go into the woods unescorted. ::Lilli begins to cry—:: What again? Why am I always crying? ::I dunno. I didn't write it.:: Well, ok then… ::birds chirp:: Geniusness!!! I will disguise myself and go to see what's wrong. Thank you, birds. ::birds ascend. Lilli exits::
Baker's Wife: We'll take you to Granny's.
Baker: What?!
Baker's Wife: ::whispers:: We're not going to let them go alone! The little boy might start a forest fire.

Little Red Runningshorts: ::Has set some random bread on fire:: Fire…

Baker's Wife: Cut that out!!
Baker: All right. I will take you.
Little Red Ridinghood: I don't need anyone to take us. I've been so many times that I know the way.

Baker's Wife: What about the Hibiki Bad Sense of Direction?

Little Red Ridinghood: I'm better than my father!!

Little Red Runningshorts: So am I!

Baker's Wife: But you still get lost.

Little Red Ridinghood: ::Growls::

Baker's Wife: ::Growls back::

Baker: ::Edges nervously away::

Narrators: ::Edge nervously away::

Little Red Runningshorts: ::Edges nervously away::

::Guys, behave.::

Little Red Ridinghood: ….Ok….
Baker's Wife: That's right. We'll all take you.
Baker: No!
Baker's Wife: I'm not about to stay here with the baby when a "wind" might return to this house, too! Do I look stupid?

Baker: You are not to co—

Baker's Wife: Finish that sentence and you're dead.

Baker: ::Gul….ulp::

Little Red Ridinghood, little Red Runningshorts: ::Giggles::
Jack: I know Miss Karou made me promise, but I'm going to find that Giant anyway!

Yahiko-White: Woo-hoo!! Field trip!!
::Lilli, Kenshin, Miroku, Chiyumi, Miaka, Matiko, and the baby all make their way into the woods::
Baker: INTO THE WOODS,

IT'S ALWAYS WHEN

YOU THINK AT LAST

YOU'RE THROUGH, AND THEN

INTO THE WOODS YOU GO AGAIN

TO TAKE ANOTHER JOURNEY.
Baker's Wife: INTO THE WOODS,

           THE WEATHER'S CLEAR,
           WE'VE BEEN BEFORE,
           WE'VE NAUGHT TO FEAR...
            INTO THE WOODS, AWAY FROM HERE—

Jack: INTO THE WOODS, TO FIND A GIANT—!

Yahiko-White: Field trip!
Little Red Ridinghood, Little Red Runningshorts : INTO THE WOODS TO GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE...
Baker: INTO THE WOODS,

THE PATH IS STRAIGHT,

NO REASON THEN

TO HESITATE--
Baker's Wife: INTO THE WOODS,

           IT'S NOT SO LATE,
           IT'S JUST ANOTHER JOURNEY...

Cinderella: INTO THE WOODS,

       BUT NOT TOO LONG:
                   THE SKIES ARE STRANGE,
                   THE WINDS ARE STRONG.
                   INTO THE WOODS TO SEE WHAT'S WRONG...
Jack: ::picking up a huge pair of broken eyeglasses:: INTO THE WOODS TO SLAY THE GIANT!
Baker's Wife: INTO THE WOODS TO SHIELD THE CHILD...
Little Red Ridinghood: TO FLEE THE WINDS...

Little Red Runningshorts: TO START SOME FIRES…
Baker: TO FIND A FUTURE...
Baker's Wife: TO SHIELD...
Jack: TO SLAY...
Little Red Ridinghood: TO FLEE...

Little Red Runningshorts: TO START…
Baker: TO FIND...
Cinderella: TO FIX...
Baker's Wife: TO HIDE...
Little Red Ridinghood: TO MOVE...

Little Red Runningshorts: AND STUFF…
Jack: TO BATTLE...
Cinderella: TO SEE WHAT THE TROUBLE IS...
::music fades::

END OF SCENE ONE