The lack of updates explained
I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry all you extrodinary people out there have to wait three months or more for a decent chapter. I'm sorry that I'm being a lazy ass.
I'm sorry.
The reason being?
I found out my brother more than once tried to commit suicide.
I found out that my brother has been pushed away by the two people he loves.
I found out that my brother is living through hell.
I found out my brother has been writing entries like this:
I want this all to go away.
I've
been broken for most of the day today. Worked on a song for my second
attempt at making music. This one is turning out a bit better then
the last.
There are many reasons for why I've been broken.
Most of them have to do with Adrian, and my ex-fiance',
Joellen/Jo/Rainy.
I met Adrian some time ago.. and there was
something about him that made me happy. As I got closer to him, that
something that made me happy started to warm my heart... and I ended
up falling in love with him.
Then, a lot of things happened.
Those things were told to me, because Adrian trusted me not to tell
anyone else, so I will not speak of them. However, a lot of things
happened, and this left Adrian very broken.
Through all this,
I was there for him. Many times, I ended up "eating the
stick"*... but I felt it was worth it, because some day, he
would be happy again, and we could fully enjoy our time together.
A
year of pain, and "eating the stick" would have been
easily compensated by a week of happy Adrian.
It started to
become a burden. ...Then, one weekend, Adrian came down to see me
here in Mankato. He drove all the way down, met my parents... We had
a decent time. I introduced him to Joellen. They got along just as
well as I thought they would, and things were great.
So, I
brought Joellen up to see him the following (I think it was, anyway)
weekend. We had a blast. I had a happy Adrian. Then he started
wanting to see Joellen exclusively. They were becoming great
friends.
Adrian came down to Mankato again. This time, I was
kicked out of Joellen's apartment so they could spend some time
alone. When I came back, I was all but ignored (when I say ignored, I
mean I would have had to work at including myself in a
conversation).
It used to be that Adrian would come down to
see me, and Joellen on the side.
Now he comes down to see
Joellen... and me for a few hours.
I talked to Adrian about
it, and came to the world crushing realization that I had been living
in a fake world again.
Adrian: "You thought we were going
out?!"
I am in love with Adrian and Joellen. I know for
a fact that Adrian is not in love with me. ...and I don't know about
Joellen. What I do know, is that I've spent all day today feeling
sorry for feeling sorry about the events last night, and how I wished
I wouldn't have apologized for doing nothing again... only this time,
my apology was accepted.
I woke up at 11:30 this morning.
Ever since then I've been waiting for the phone to ring... waiting
for Joellen and Adrian to have me over. I called them at 5:00pm.
Adrian answered Joellen's cellphone to tell me that they were going
to hang out for a while, and he wanted to spend some time with me
this evening.
I have to be asleep in less then 3 hours.
I
don't want to have to deal with this pain any more. I don't want to
be involved with Adrian or Joellen. It hurts like hell to say it...
but at least it would only hurt for a little while.
I can't
cope with this.
Eating the stick = Getting the bum end of the deal. Ex: Chipping in $10 for a slice of pizza, and not getting anything at all.
Now, I hope you all can see my concern. He never talks to anyone in the real world; he just pours out his feelings to people that he's never met online.
So, I'm sorry. I really, truly am.
*Goes off and cries in a corner*
Expect more chapters possibly in the next week or twenty. I really don't know.
I'm also sorry if anything like this disturbes you.
Now that I've given you all an explanation, please don't badger me about updating. I'll update when I'm mentally stable. Kay? Kay. (;.;) He's really hurting me...