"7th Heaven
When I see their happy faces
Smiling back at me
7th Heaven
I know there's better feeling than the love of a family
Where can you GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO when the world don't treat you right?
The answer is HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME that's the one place that you'll find
7th Heaven
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN 7th Heaven
7th Heaven" (do do do do do do do)
7th Heaven
"Matt and Mary Leave the Show"
(MATT, MARY, SIMON, MIKE, LUCY, RUTHIE, ANNIE, RIC, THE TWINS, and MATT'S fiancée, I think her name is SARAH, are standing by the stairs and front door in the Camden home. MATT and MARY have their bags packed.)
ANNIE(in fake tears): Matt, are you really leaving us to get married to this Jewish heathen?
MATT: Yes, we are getting married. We will join ourselves, symbolizing that Christianity and Judaism, while having some differences, are all alike under God, and share the same moral truths. Amen. That way we will please everybody, since that's all this country is about anymore.
ERIC: Matt! What have I told you about using the "G" word?!
MATT: Sorry pops.
ERIC: Well, don't think I'm going to marry you and this Jewish sinner! Not until she converts!
SARAH: I'm sorry you feel that way. In marrying Matt, I was hoping to infest—I mean, spread the Jewish culture throughout your family. Here. (Passes out brochures) Here is a 55-page brochure summarizing the Jewish belief and culture. If you have any further questions, don't hesitate to let me know.
RUTHIE: What's up with circumcision anyway?
Everyone hollowly chortles and coos
MATT: (in a fake sweet voice while reaching behind his back) Why little Ruthie, you're so cuteBURN IN HELL!!!!!!!!! (Shoots her in the head)
RUTHIE dies, much to everyone's relief
MATT: Well now that that's been taken care of…
LUCY: Wait just a minute now, do you really expect us to believe that you're actually getting married? I mean, you've been engaged at least five times by now, and every one of your girlfriends you were sure was you future wife at one point or another. Now all of a sudden you meet this girl and two episodes later you're getting married and moving off to New York? And that's how they're getting you off the show? That's less credible than Robbie and Joy's brief love affair! Are we really supposed to swallow that crap?
MATT: Well, no. What can I say, our writers suck.
SIMON: Yeah, now that you mention it, Mary's reason for leaving isn't much better. Yesterday's episode you were all over Robby, the day before that someone else, the day before that someone else, the day before that someone else, the day before that someone else, the day before---
MARY: Ok! I get the picture!
SIMON: And now we're expected to believe that today you've realized the fireman guy is your one true love, and you're moving to Buffalo to be with him, where you're going to work as a stewardess on Jet Blue, and you're never coming back? Give me a break! And don't even let me get started on all the careers you've started and given up within 3 hours….
MARY: Look, I don't write this stupid show, I just work here.
ANNIE: AHEM! It's getting a little late, you better go before you miss your flight.
MATT, MARY, and SARAH leave, everyone else hugs and waves them goodbye.
ANNIE and ERIC: Hurray they're gone! Only four more to go!
LUCY: Gee mom, it's a good thing you had twins.
ANNIE: What! Why?
LUCY: Well, if you hadn't we couldn't have gotten rid of Matt and Mary, because then there would only be 5 of us left and that just wouldn't do on a show called seventh heaven.
ERIC: That's very tru—
ANNIE: (Slaps him) I'll tell you when to voice your opinion!
SIMON: Wait, now that Ruthie's dead… there is only five of us!
LUCY: 6, Simon, there's 6
SIMON: I mean 6!
ANNIE: (frowns) You're right, what are we going to do about that?
MIKE: Hey now, don't forget about me, Flamer Boy!
ANNIE (frowns deeper): Well, looks like we have no choice but to adopt Flamer Boy.
SIMON: Eeeew! But then he'll be my… brother!!!!!!!!
LUCY: Incest has never stopped you before.
SIMON: Oh yeah, good point.
MIKE: You're sure I won't be a bother, Mrs. Camden?
ANNIE: Oh no, now you and Simon run along.
(he and Simon leave)
ERIC: It's late, I better be going off to bed.
LUCY: Yeah, and I'll tuck the twins in.
Everyone leaves except Annie
ANNIE: …………… oh they're all such a bother!