Disclaimer: I am NOT Tolkien.

A/N: Youzers… I just found out that someone else has a LOTR fic with the same title and theme as mine. For anyone else who as also spotted that, I want you all to know that that was purely coincidental. I didn't have any idea until a friend of mine used the searchy thingy and typed in the title. To her surprise (as well as mine) there were two of them. If the author of that one happens to see this, I did not steal your idea. Tomeka helped me come up with it and apparently two people had the same idea. Ok, now that I got that cleared up, I wanted to apologize for the chapters being all screwy. The other night when I tried to upload chapter two, my computer started wigging out on me and just… well, died. I went back on to see if it had loaded and when I saw that there were two chapters, I was happy with that. Little did I know they were reversed. Don't ask me how the hell that happened, because I couldn't tell ya. Hopefully they're fixed now and there won't be anymore confusion. Um, this chapter takes place when Gandalf gets back from Minas Tirith after doing some research. Also, sorry for the late update. I've been feeling a bit "poopy" "under the weather" …. "ill" lately. I'm still sick, but at least I'm not in school! And another bonus, now I'm finally done with my wretched wedding project so I won't have that thing sucking up all my time either! YIPPEE!

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"Golly, Gandy." said Frodo stupidly. "That sure was a long trip ya took there."

Gandalf whacked Frodo with his cain before he sat down in front of the fireplace.

"You foolish boy." said Gandalf irritated. "Keep in mind where Minas Tirith is. Of course it was a long trip."

Gandalf whipped out his pipe from some unknown and probably ungodly place, and lit it. He paused for a moment after inhaling.

"By the way, if you call me Gandy one more time, I'll do to you what I did to Tob Fuddlecake."

"Who?" asked Frodo curiously. He walked in front of Gandalf's seat and sat down upon the floor. The old wizard grinned at the perplexed look on Frodo's face.

"You know that legendary purple toad with three eyes that is said to live in the pond near the Proudfoots?" he asked.

"Yeah…" said Frodo, still far from the point.

"Well…" said Gandalf with a smirk as a cloud of smoke rose above his head.

"… Oh…." said Frodo, now understanding. "Please don't do that to me!"

"Oh, hush." Gandalf snapped. "That is beside the point. You know that ring that Bilbo left you?"

"Yes sirrie!" said Frodo. Gandalf sat up straight in his chair.

"Bring it to me."

Within a few minutes, Frodo returned with the Ring in his palm.

"Cast it into the fire." commanded Gandalf.

"Oh, are we going to brand summin?!" asked Frodo delightedly. "I've been meaning to get that Samwise Gamgee branded, but every time I come near him--"

"No, we're branding no one, Frodo." said Gandalf rubbing his brow irritated. "Just throw it in the fire."

Frodo frowned from his disappointment and carelessly threw it into the fire over his shoulder. Gandalf rose from his seat and strode over to the mantle where a pair of tongs had been so conveniently place. He then reached into the fireplace and picked up the Ring with the tongs.

"Here you are." said Gandalf cooly as he tried to put the "fresh out of the oven" ring into Frodo's palm. Frodo, however, recoiled his hand.

"What's the matta with you?!" Frodo shrieked. "I may not be very bright, but I ain't drunk! I ain't about to touch that!"

"Take it. It's quite cool." Gandalf tried to persuade.

"NO!" yelled Frodo. Gandalf sighed and dropped it to the ground where, to Frodo's surprise, it landed with a thud.

"Take a look at it." said Gandalf. Frodo got down on his knees for a better look at the Ring. "What do you see?"

"Someone scratched it! It looks like the Sackville-Bagginses have been rummaging through my stuff again!!"

"Frodo, calm down." said Gandalf, who was beginning to get a headache from this incredibly stupid hobbit.

"I WANT A DUEL! A NOON SHOWDOWN!" yelled Frodo, getting to his feet. He began to walk towards the gun cabinet when the wizard grabbed him by the hair and pulled him up to his face. Gandalf had finally lost his temper.

"Listen here, you little wannabe wrangler!!" he bellowed. "There will be no showdown! What you see is an inscription that was placed on that ring which was forged by the great Lord Sauron! Now you are about to leave the comfort of your little dusty home to take care of this little matter! Now you are going to sit down in that chair while I explain it all to you, and dammit, YOU ARE GOING TO LIKE IT!"

He then threw poor little Frodo into the armchair. Frodo, whom was completely flabbergasted by what just happened., remained in the chair, whimpering a bit.

*This is the part where Gandalf explains the history of the forging of the One Ring and yada yada yada. You all know this, I hope.*

"Gee, that is some story Gandy." said Frodo after Gandalf was finished explaining. Gandalf gave Frodo a look that said pretty much, 'Remember the toad.' "So what am I supposed to do then?"

"Make for the town of Bree. I will meet you there." Gandalf began to rush around Frodo's home grabbing various things and throwing them into a bag for Frodo. "You mustn't stay here. A great danger seeks you."

Gandalf seemed so intent on getting Frodo to leave as soon as possible that he didn't realize exactly what he was packing for Frodo. Frodo, however noticed. While the wizard went on in a frenzy panic, Frodo peeked into the bag. There was three oversized shoes that used to belong to Bilbo, there were the tongs that he had gotten the Ring out of the hearth with, a cookbook, and a few pens in there for who knows what. Frodo grabbed the wizards arm just before he threw a portrait of Old Took into the bag.

"Take it easy, desperado. I'll handle the packin' and I'll head out in the morning."

Even before Gandalf could smile or relax, a rustle was heard from below the window outside. Gandalf rushed to the window and snatched a head of curly sandy blond hair. Frodo laughed when he pulled Samwise Gamgee himself into the room. Gandalf smirked.

"Oh, look. I found you a mule."

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A/N: That's it for now. Again, sorry for the delay. …. *cough*….review…. *hack*