Chapter 14- Forever Remember
Mandeline sat on her bed and stared into her open closet. She was trying to find some black clothes to wear for-yes-Shaun's funeral. Normally, she would have just grabbed anything to wear and would've been long gone out the door. But lately, everything she did, from making dinner to paying bills, seemed troubling. Now, finding black clothes in Mandeline's wardrobe was pretty rare. She preferred wearing bright colors, such as lavender and light green and sky blue-she believed they were friendly and welcoming colors. Mandeline was always trying to make people feel that way. At her father's sermons, she would always stand by the door as people were leaving to say good-bye and have a nice day, or to thank them for coming to church. Recently, that changed. The last sermon her father taught was two days ago. It was about the hardships and pain that would be set before us on this earth- but we still have to uphold our faith. Mandeline knew her father preached that for her. After that service she didn't feel like greeting or thanking people. The sermon was too depressing for her and she had wanted to hurry home, before she burst into tears in front of the whole congregation.
So, anyways, Mandeline was puzzling over some black articles of clothing that she needed to find. 'Maybe I shouldn't go.' She thought. 'It would be rude to show up wearing bright colors.' She tried to talk herself into not going to Shaun's funeral because of her attire, but she knew the reason she didn't feel like going-it's because she was afraid.
* * *
Mandeline crunched through the dry leaves on the ground. Autumn was just ending. She had ending up going to the funeral, knowing that she would never forgive herself if she DIDN'T go. Mandeline was walking in the cemetery towards the place where Shaun would be buried. As she walked up, she saw everybody watching her sypathetically. She glanced away, trying to avoid their eyes. Mandeline stood with the crowd and bowed her head in silence. Then, the black car containing the coffin arrived. A few men carried the coffin towards their area. As it got nearer, Mandeline could feel blood rushing through her veins and her face was turning warm. As the coffin reached the crowd, Mandeline stared, thinking, 'There it is. There's Shaun. Lying in there. Motionless and still.' Mandeline felt like crying her eyes out, but before she could break out a sob, she ran away from the crowd, away from the coffin. She couldn't take it. It was just too much- handling her biggest fear: sorrow.
She broke away from the crowd; the people were staring at her in confusion. Shaun's mother, Mrs. Weston, had called out her name once, not too loud, when she ran. But she didn't stop. She kept on running across the huge cemetery, in her black shoes and black clothes. She ran on until she lost sight of the coffin and ended up at a large lake at the edge of the cemetery. The breeze was just kicking in and bouncing off the water, making it chilly. She pulled her coat tighter around her and hugged her arms. Everything seemed so strange to her. Here she was, standing all alone in a place she didn't even know of, she had run away from her fear, and couldn't go back because it would be too embarrassing. She had nowhere to go and nothing to do. She closed her eyes and felt warm tears coming up. They opened back up, making her vision blurry.
"Hi." Mandeline heard a voice say from behind her. It was a soft and gentle voice, filled with sincerity.
Mandeline turned around and saw Ms. Weston standing behind her smiling softly. "Hi." Mandeline whispered back.
"You okay?"
Mandeline nodded. She looked at the ground. "Yeah." Ms. Weston is a nice lady, she decided. She was kind of like Landon's mother off of that movie A Walk to Remember. There was silence for the next few moments. "I'm sorry for running out like that." Mandeline said, staring at her feet.
Ms. Weston took a step closer and put her hands in her pockets. "It's okay. I understand."
Mandeline looked up. "You do?"
"Oh, yes." Ms. Weston nodded. "When I saw that coffin, I felt like shattering into a million pieces."
"I- I just got scared . . . scared of the coffin." Mandeline laughed slightly to herself, thinking that she was afraid of an object.
"No, dear. You weren't scared of the soffin. You were afraid . . . of not being with Shaun."
"I still am." Mandeline whsipered.
Mrs. Weston paused. "I loved Shaun very much."
Mandeline bit her lip and nodded ever so slightly. "So did I."
"He loved you a lot, too, you know." She sighed. "When he came back from Minnesota, all he talked about, at home, was you. When he were still there, he would call me and tell me how excited he was to come back and see you again."
Mandeline laughed softly.
"I'm just sorry it had to end this way." Ms. Weston said so softly, Mandeline could barely hear her.
"It's all my fault!" Mandeline suddenly cried. "If I didn't accept Josh's proposal, he wouldn't have driven in the rain like that!" Tears spilled out and rolled down her cheek.
"No, it's not your fault, dear. You didn't know."
Mandeline sniffed and began wiping her tears furiously. "I miss him so much."
Ms. Weston stepped closer and closely embraced Mandeline. "We all do. It's gonna be okay, dear. You'll hold up. We all will."
Then they both let the feelings out and cried on each other's shoulder, like the mother and daughter they could've been.
* * *
Mandeline strolled across the decrepit cemetery over to her father who was saying good-bye to the crowd who were now leaving.
"Daddy." She whispered.
Reverend Morrison spoke softly, "You didn't even stay for the prayer."
"I know, I'm sorry."
Reverend Morrison nodded. "You really did love him, didn't you?"
"Yes."
Mandeline's father wiped his eyes and shook his head slightly. "I'm sorry I got in the way of you two, before."
"It's okay, daddy."
"It's just that . . . I was afraid. Of losing my little girl."
"That won't happen, now." Mandeline said, trying to make her father feel better, when she couldn't even make herself feel better.
Reverend Morrison looked beyond all of the tombstones with a glazed look upon his face. "Mandy, remember your school play?" Mandeline nodded. "Well, when you sang that love song . . . you were singing to Shaun, not John Gordon, weren't you?"
Mandeline's lips curled into soft smile. "Yes."
-- Epilogue --
[Mandeline's Point Of View] [Summer. 2003]
I walked along the beach, barefooted, remembering all of the times I've been here. Some times were good, some bad. I'll never forget any of them. The sand dug into the spaces between my toes as I walked. It tickled. The warm breeze was blowing against my face, whisking my hair back. I breathed in the salty sea air deeply and hugged my arms.
I am Mandeline Morrison and I am 24 years old. I have been living in the misery and grief of Shaun's death for almost three years now. And it's been hard. It's not easy going through life without him. Sometimes at night, I would cry myself to sleep, thinking of what we could've been. Hopefully, one day, I'll get over it and live my life normally again.
I remember the times we would go on walks on this beach. We would talk about anything, from politics to the pizza place around the corner and the new ice-cream flavor at the parlor. On those walks, I had the time of my life. I wanted them to last forever. Just the two of us, hand in hand, in love. What could be more satisfying?
Unfortunately, those walks stopped after he left. Well, of course they did. Who else could I have walked with? Definitely not Josh. Sure, he was a dear and fun to be around, but he wasn't Shaun. He didn't understand or relate to me like Shaun did. No one ever could. He was one in a million. I got very lucky just to even know him. And it was a blessing that we fell in love. The greatest blessing I had ever encountered. Because he was a miracle. People might think that I changed him and steered him into going to church and believing in faith, but, actually, he is the one who changed me.
I closed my eyes, trying to reminisce the times we had spent together on this beach. I could remember the exact way I felt when he had said he loved me. That feeling of happiness, hope and will and realization that he wasn't the only one loving. And the time he had announced his sickness. I'll never forget how devastated I was. That night I tried to tell myself that it wasn't true and that Shaun was just playing some kind of joke on me. But he wasn't. I sighed and looked across the sky. It was stained with pinks and oranges and reds. The sun was just setting, looking like a great ball of fire sinking into the blue, green and gray ocean. This beach holds so many memories to me. Memories that pretty much sum up my entire life: my love for Shaun. Even now, as I set foot on this beach today, I still love him more than ever. Because I know, that he's watching over me, somewhere out there.
~ Special Authors Note ~ I can't believe I'm finished with this story! It's been so great writing it! I really want to thank you for all of your wonderful reviews! Every single one of you! I luv ya guys! Lolz! Well, anywayz, it's been so much fun working on this, I really loved it. And I really appreciate all of your guys' support! I couldn't have done it without you! I'm so sad. I'm gonna have to leave this fic now. But watch out for me, cuz I'm leaving fanfiction.net, yet. And view some of my Fic art: www. geocities.com/ xobsesssedx/ fic. html my little page for my little graphics. I wanna thank you ALL again, you've been so nice! But I'm gonna have to say good-bye to this fic now. Bye! Good-bye to all! And remember that there's always a special someone for YOU, somewhere out there! --olivia--
--Dedications- My family, My best friend Sharleen (Isabella Dragon), My other best friend Maria, The Shugart crew, INC family, And to A Walk to Remember!
Mandeline sat on her bed and stared into her open closet. She was trying to find some black clothes to wear for-yes-Shaun's funeral. Normally, she would have just grabbed anything to wear and would've been long gone out the door. But lately, everything she did, from making dinner to paying bills, seemed troubling. Now, finding black clothes in Mandeline's wardrobe was pretty rare. She preferred wearing bright colors, such as lavender and light green and sky blue-she believed they were friendly and welcoming colors. Mandeline was always trying to make people feel that way. At her father's sermons, she would always stand by the door as people were leaving to say good-bye and have a nice day, or to thank them for coming to church. Recently, that changed. The last sermon her father taught was two days ago. It was about the hardships and pain that would be set before us on this earth- but we still have to uphold our faith. Mandeline knew her father preached that for her. After that service she didn't feel like greeting or thanking people. The sermon was too depressing for her and she had wanted to hurry home, before she burst into tears in front of the whole congregation.
So, anyways, Mandeline was puzzling over some black articles of clothing that she needed to find. 'Maybe I shouldn't go.' She thought. 'It would be rude to show up wearing bright colors.' She tried to talk herself into not going to Shaun's funeral because of her attire, but she knew the reason she didn't feel like going-it's because she was afraid.
* * *
Mandeline crunched through the dry leaves on the ground. Autumn was just ending. She had ending up going to the funeral, knowing that she would never forgive herself if she DIDN'T go. Mandeline was walking in the cemetery towards the place where Shaun would be buried. As she walked up, she saw everybody watching her sypathetically. She glanced away, trying to avoid their eyes. Mandeline stood with the crowd and bowed her head in silence. Then, the black car containing the coffin arrived. A few men carried the coffin towards their area. As it got nearer, Mandeline could feel blood rushing through her veins and her face was turning warm. As the coffin reached the crowd, Mandeline stared, thinking, 'There it is. There's Shaun. Lying in there. Motionless and still.' Mandeline felt like crying her eyes out, but before she could break out a sob, she ran away from the crowd, away from the coffin. She couldn't take it. It was just too much- handling her biggest fear: sorrow.
She broke away from the crowd; the people were staring at her in confusion. Shaun's mother, Mrs. Weston, had called out her name once, not too loud, when she ran. But she didn't stop. She kept on running across the huge cemetery, in her black shoes and black clothes. She ran on until she lost sight of the coffin and ended up at a large lake at the edge of the cemetery. The breeze was just kicking in and bouncing off the water, making it chilly. She pulled her coat tighter around her and hugged her arms. Everything seemed so strange to her. Here she was, standing all alone in a place she didn't even know of, she had run away from her fear, and couldn't go back because it would be too embarrassing. She had nowhere to go and nothing to do. She closed her eyes and felt warm tears coming up. They opened back up, making her vision blurry.
"Hi." Mandeline heard a voice say from behind her. It was a soft and gentle voice, filled with sincerity.
Mandeline turned around and saw Ms. Weston standing behind her smiling softly. "Hi." Mandeline whispered back.
"You okay?"
Mandeline nodded. She looked at the ground. "Yeah." Ms. Weston is a nice lady, she decided. She was kind of like Landon's mother off of that movie A Walk to Remember. There was silence for the next few moments. "I'm sorry for running out like that." Mandeline said, staring at her feet.
Ms. Weston took a step closer and put her hands in her pockets. "It's okay. I understand."
Mandeline looked up. "You do?"
"Oh, yes." Ms. Weston nodded. "When I saw that coffin, I felt like shattering into a million pieces."
"I- I just got scared . . . scared of the coffin." Mandeline laughed slightly to herself, thinking that she was afraid of an object.
"No, dear. You weren't scared of the soffin. You were afraid . . . of not being with Shaun."
"I still am." Mandeline whsipered.
Mrs. Weston paused. "I loved Shaun very much."
Mandeline bit her lip and nodded ever so slightly. "So did I."
"He loved you a lot, too, you know." She sighed. "When he came back from Minnesota, all he talked about, at home, was you. When he were still there, he would call me and tell me how excited he was to come back and see you again."
Mandeline laughed softly.
"I'm just sorry it had to end this way." Ms. Weston said so softly, Mandeline could barely hear her.
"It's all my fault!" Mandeline suddenly cried. "If I didn't accept Josh's proposal, he wouldn't have driven in the rain like that!" Tears spilled out and rolled down her cheek.
"No, it's not your fault, dear. You didn't know."
Mandeline sniffed and began wiping her tears furiously. "I miss him so much."
Ms. Weston stepped closer and closely embraced Mandeline. "We all do. It's gonna be okay, dear. You'll hold up. We all will."
Then they both let the feelings out and cried on each other's shoulder, like the mother and daughter they could've been.
* * *
Mandeline strolled across the decrepit cemetery over to her father who was saying good-bye to the crowd who were now leaving.
"Daddy." She whispered.
Reverend Morrison spoke softly, "You didn't even stay for the prayer."
"I know, I'm sorry."
Reverend Morrison nodded. "You really did love him, didn't you?"
"Yes."
Mandeline's father wiped his eyes and shook his head slightly. "I'm sorry I got in the way of you two, before."
"It's okay, daddy."
"It's just that . . . I was afraid. Of losing my little girl."
"That won't happen, now." Mandeline said, trying to make her father feel better, when she couldn't even make herself feel better.
Reverend Morrison looked beyond all of the tombstones with a glazed look upon his face. "Mandy, remember your school play?" Mandeline nodded. "Well, when you sang that love song . . . you were singing to Shaun, not John Gordon, weren't you?"
Mandeline's lips curled into soft smile. "Yes."
-- Epilogue --
[Mandeline's Point Of View] [Summer. 2003]
I walked along the beach, barefooted, remembering all of the times I've been here. Some times were good, some bad. I'll never forget any of them. The sand dug into the spaces between my toes as I walked. It tickled. The warm breeze was blowing against my face, whisking my hair back. I breathed in the salty sea air deeply and hugged my arms.
I am Mandeline Morrison and I am 24 years old. I have been living in the misery and grief of Shaun's death for almost three years now. And it's been hard. It's not easy going through life without him. Sometimes at night, I would cry myself to sleep, thinking of what we could've been. Hopefully, one day, I'll get over it and live my life normally again.
I remember the times we would go on walks on this beach. We would talk about anything, from politics to the pizza place around the corner and the new ice-cream flavor at the parlor. On those walks, I had the time of my life. I wanted them to last forever. Just the two of us, hand in hand, in love. What could be more satisfying?
Unfortunately, those walks stopped after he left. Well, of course they did. Who else could I have walked with? Definitely not Josh. Sure, he was a dear and fun to be around, but he wasn't Shaun. He didn't understand or relate to me like Shaun did. No one ever could. He was one in a million. I got very lucky just to even know him. And it was a blessing that we fell in love. The greatest blessing I had ever encountered. Because he was a miracle. People might think that I changed him and steered him into going to church and believing in faith, but, actually, he is the one who changed me.
I closed my eyes, trying to reminisce the times we had spent together on this beach. I could remember the exact way I felt when he had said he loved me. That feeling of happiness, hope and will and realization that he wasn't the only one loving. And the time he had announced his sickness. I'll never forget how devastated I was. That night I tried to tell myself that it wasn't true and that Shaun was just playing some kind of joke on me. But he wasn't. I sighed and looked across the sky. It was stained with pinks and oranges and reds. The sun was just setting, looking like a great ball of fire sinking into the blue, green and gray ocean. This beach holds so many memories to me. Memories that pretty much sum up my entire life: my love for Shaun. Even now, as I set foot on this beach today, I still love him more than ever. Because I know, that he's watching over me, somewhere out there.
~ Special Authors Note ~ I can't believe I'm finished with this story! It's been so great writing it! I really want to thank you for all of your wonderful reviews! Every single one of you! I luv ya guys! Lolz! Well, anywayz, it's been so much fun working on this, I really loved it. And I really appreciate all of your guys' support! I couldn't have done it without you! I'm so sad. I'm gonna have to leave this fic now. But watch out for me, cuz I'm leaving fanfiction.net, yet. And view some of my Fic art: www. geocities.com/ xobsesssedx/ fic. html my little page for my little graphics. I wanna thank you ALL again, you've been so nice! But I'm gonna have to say good-bye to this fic now. Bye! Good-bye to all! And remember that there's always a special someone for YOU, somewhere out there! --olivia--
--Dedications- My family, My best friend Sharleen (Isabella Dragon), My other best friend Maria, The Shugart crew, INC family, And to A Walk to Remember!