Operation Just Because
Warning - This is a warning about the previous chapter. DO NOT READ IT AT ANY COST! It will warp your fragile little minds. What I suggest is that you skip over that chapter and go straight to this one. Though don't read this entire chapter. Read only those parts approved by the 'We Want to Shield You from the Real World Association for the Controlling, Power-Hungry and Easily Shocked (WWSYFRWACPHES or WWSYFWACM for short).
Chapter Two – The Ignominious Chapter
[Setting: Ross' apartment]
[Emma is crying]
Rachel: Ross? …Ross? …Ross!
Ross: What?
Rachel: Emma's crying.
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: It's your turn.
Ross: Err…No, no it's not.
Rachel: Err…Yes, yes it is.
Ross: If you remember it was my turn last night.
Rachel: I don't remember that. What I do remember is me having to get up last night and look after Emma because you were asleep.
Ross: I got up last night to look after Emma.
Rachel: I don't think you did.
Ross: I did!
Rachel: So did I!
Ross: What time did you get up?
Rachel: I don't know. What time did you get up?
Ross: I don't know either.
Rachel: Ross, you obviously got up before me.
Ross: Why is that obvious?
Rachel: Because when you're asleep you don't wake up until morning no matter what.
Ross: That's not true.
Rachel: Remember the night in the cabin?
Ross: Hey! That was only one time and how was I to know bats did that sort of thing?
Rachel: All I'm saying is that you're a girly man who needs his beauty sleep.
Ross: Well, what about that time I accidentally set off the fire alarm.
Rachel: I had taken some sleeping tablets thinking they were aspirin, remember?
Ross: Oh yeah.
Rachel: And you didn't accidentally set off the fire alarm. You were trying to melt one of your toy models for…for…why were you doing that?
Ross: I had my reasons. Anyway none of this helps decide whose turn it is?
Rachel: It's your turn.
Ross: Is not.
Rachel: Ross, you are being so childish.
Ross: Am not!
Rachel: Listen, how about you do it this time and I'll do it next time?
Ross: Okay, that seems fair and…wait a minute…there is a catch, isn't there?
Rachel: Catch?
Ross: There is something about this that isn't right.
Rachel: Ross, you're being paranoid.
Ross: Am I? Am I!
Rachel: …Yes.
Ross: There is no way you are going to offer to do your fair share.
Rachel: Hey!
Ross: Err…Rach…
Rachel: Yeah…okay. But it's not my fault when you keep inventing things for me to do.
Ross: Like what?
Rachel: Like…like…like taking out the trash.
Ross: What?
Rachel: You say I have to take out the trash when you know that the trash man does that.
Ross: The trash man?
Rachel: Yeah, the guy who comes and takes the trash away…the trash man!
Ross: Okay, you've lost me.
Rachel: Whenever the bin gets full the trash man comes and empties it.
Ross: Where was this?
Rachel: Monica's.
Ross: O…Kay…
Rachel: What?
Ross: When you were living with Joey did the trash man come less often?
Rachel: …Yeah. Sometimes he wouldn't come for days…how did you know that?
Ross: Just a lucky guess.
Rachel: …So…taking out the trash is a job you invented because the trash man does it.
Ross: Well Rach, in this building we don't have a trash man so you have to take out the trash yourself.
Rachel: No trash man?
Ross: Nope.
Rachel: This building sucks.
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Anyway it's still not fair.
Ross: What isn't?
Rachel: You complaining I don't do any work.
Ross: You don't.
Rachel: Yeah…well…maybe if I knew what my jobs were I would do them.
Ross: I knew this would happen. I should have kept those charts.
Rachel: Oh God! Not the charts, again.
Ross: They were good charts!
Rachel: Ross, just go look after Emma.
Ross: All right, fine. [Ross picks up Emma] Hmm…What's that smell?
Author's note: I hope that you haven't killed yourself whilst reading this chapter since then I may be liable for manslaughter and I don't want any of that, especially after last time. So remember, be safe and don't sue me whatever you or one of the voices in your head think I have done. Thank you and don't sue me.