HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! New chapta and you gotta love it cause if you don't I'll hunt you down, tie you up, and cover you with cool whip and cottage cheese.
CHEESE MADE US DO IT!
After Mad recovered and Claire could walk without wincing, the group settled. They were all hungry, sitting around the study they tried to decide on what to eat.
"How about Chinese?" Claire said from her perch in Spike's lap.
"No," Lestat said. "I don't like how they taste... how about Italian?"
"WOAH WOAH WOAH... She meant Chinese FOOD, we're not eating people!" Mad said, slapping Lestat on the shin.
"Yeah! Who do you think we are, Hannibal Lecter?" Claire said, raising an eyebrow.
Everyone but Spike, Mad, and Claire looked confused.
"Hannibal? You mean the one that traveled across the Alps?" Erik asked, confused.
Mad rolled her eyes, "No, Hannibal Lecter as in Dr. Lecter, as in the cannibal."
"Yeah," Claire said. "Here's his three books," Claire pulls out 'Red Dragon', 'Silence of the Lambs' and 'Hannibal' by Thomas Harris, she threw one to each confused party.
Lestat, who had received Silence looked at the title and scoffed, "Why do I want to know about lambs?"
"Hey, lambs have pretty good blood... better than pigs blood..."
"He drinks pigs blood?" Mad said, her noise wrinkling.
"What do you think?" Spike said, raising his eyebrow.
"Mostly, I think 'ew'," Mad said.
Jareth had received "Red Dragon" and grinning at Claire, "This sounds like one of those trashy sex novels... are you inferring something, mon ange?"
Claire smacked her forehead.
Erik who had received "Hannibal" was looking at it. "See, it IS about the man who traveled the Alps."
Mad banged her head in the table.
"Ah! No! Someone please educate this poor, deprived child!"
Erik just looked away, insulted.
"Well," Lestat said. "I think there is only one lamb in this room." He stared at Mad's fleece sweater, or what was under it.
"Aw cut it out!" Spike drawled.
"Why don't you just take her! She's not that strong looking. I mean come on!"
"Hey!" yelled Claire. "She's my friend and she can fend for her self, right?"
"I..guess." answered Mad.
Jareth started playing with Claire's hair.
"Wha?" she asked.
"Oh nothing..."
"NOTHING TRALALA!!" crowed Mad.
"I'm still hungry." Claire stated.
"As am I," Spike said, grinning. "Can I snack a bit?" He goes to bite into her neck and she giggles.
"Hey, that TICKLES!"
Jareth suddenly grabs her away. "HEY, I can bite too! SEE!" Jareth suddenly starts biting Claire's throat, which in turn, shocks everyone else.
"OW!" Claire cried as he bit.
Erik stood, "Monsieur!"
Mad had risen as well, "What do you think you're doing?"
Finally, Claire struggled away and ran towards Erik. Erik, who hadn't seen it coming, is therefore knocked over. "Erik, keep me safe. You're the Phantom. Punjab HIM!"
"You don't mind?" Erik asked.
"Of COURSE not! Throw him in the TORTURE CHAMBER! I wanna see him FRY!"
Erik jumps up and starts to chase Jareth around, trying to lasso him.
Jareth, however, is running away, screeching like a girl. But, as we all know, Prada boots are not meant for running in, so of course he trips.
And...
Lands...
in a pile of Goblin shit.
And...
of course...
everyone laughs.
"I'm still hungry," Claire stated.
"Good god I need a shower!" wailed Jareth.
"You need to be taught some manners as well you useless pig!" shouted Erik.
Lestat laughed in a foppish way. Mad looked at him.
"It's not that funny any more..."
"Spike?" Claire cooed.
"Yes?" he answered.
"Be a bad boy and sit on mommy's lap?" She giggled.
"What! That was completely out of context!"
"So?" Claire asked.
"This entire fic is out of context, now come on! Sit!"
While Claire was trying to seduce Spike, Lestat was alllllmost but not quite successfully seducing Mad.
"Come here, little one."
"Oh no! You're not going to pull that 'little one' crap on me buddy!"
"But....but...(remembers Spike's suggestion) Bend over."
"What?"
"Take your clothes off and bend over! Now!"
"NO! AND I'M HUNGRY!!"
"I'm still hungry," Claire whined.
"You're hungry, he's hungry, I'm hungry, we're all hungry!" Mad cries as she laughs hysterically and runs into a wall.
"Ooooooooo," hissed Lestat.
The one thing you should know about Claire is that even though she doesn't eat much, when she is hungry- you do NOT mess with her. You get out of the way, take cover, and possible find an escape route as she raids the kitchen.
"I WANT FOOD... NOW!" Claire bellowed.
Jareth, actually thinking for a second instead of posing for a portrait that will make him look smart, smirks and conjures a crystal. Walking up to her, he rolls the crystal along his wrist and it turns into a peach. "Here you are my dearest precious snookums. It's a present."
Claire looks at the peach, takes it, and then tosses it at his head. "This is NOT real food, I'm talking about five course dinners!"
"I have a two course meal, right now." He smiles wolfishly. Looking at the two humans he points to Claire, "Entree," and smirking at Mad he says, "Dessert."
Spike jumps in as 'Super Big Bad' and says, "NO! You can't hurt her!" He covers Claire. "She's mine!"
"HEY!" says both Claire and Mad.
"I'm NOT an entree, I taste better with chocolate than with meat sauce." Claire looks at both Spike and Lestat, "I shouldn't have said that."
"What about me?" Mad wails. "I want a PROTECTOR! I WANT TO BE LOVED!" Mad starts to cry.
Lestat, seeing his opportunity, walks over to Mad and acts concerned. "I'll care for you, my love!"
"Will you give me your lips?" Mad asked.
"Yes," Lestat said, leaning closer.
"Do you give me your mouth?"
"Yes," He said, leaning even closer.
"Do you give me your teeth?"
"YES!" Lestat cried, now practically on top of her.
Mad sighs and very dreamily says, "Do you give me your love?"
Lestat pauses, and immediately draws back. "Well..."
Erik suddenly pipes in, "It really isn't necessary to eat more than once a day, you know."
Mad adds, "See Phantom by Susan Kay. Page 247, paperback. Only $5.99"
"I'm. Still. HuNgRRRRRRRRY!" Claire yelled. Her eyes blazed and immediately her hands go up to her eyes. "Owch..."
Erik, fed up, takes the first thing she finds and shoves it in her mouth. "Here!"
Claire starts to laugh hysterically when she realizes what's in her mouth.
Wedged between her teeth is a large chunk of cheese.
CHEESE MADE US DO IT!
After Mad recovered and Claire could walk without wincing, the group settled. They were all hungry, sitting around the study they tried to decide on what to eat.
"How about Chinese?" Claire said from her perch in Spike's lap.
"No," Lestat said. "I don't like how they taste... how about Italian?"
"WOAH WOAH WOAH... She meant Chinese FOOD, we're not eating people!" Mad said, slapping Lestat on the shin.
"Yeah! Who do you think we are, Hannibal Lecter?" Claire said, raising an eyebrow.
Everyone but Spike, Mad, and Claire looked confused.
"Hannibal? You mean the one that traveled across the Alps?" Erik asked, confused.
Mad rolled her eyes, "No, Hannibal Lecter as in Dr. Lecter, as in the cannibal."
"Yeah," Claire said. "Here's his three books," Claire pulls out 'Red Dragon', 'Silence of the Lambs' and 'Hannibal' by Thomas Harris, she threw one to each confused party.
Lestat, who had received Silence looked at the title and scoffed, "Why do I want to know about lambs?"
"Hey, lambs have pretty good blood... better than pigs blood..."
"He drinks pigs blood?" Mad said, her noise wrinkling.
"What do you think?" Spike said, raising his eyebrow.
"Mostly, I think 'ew'," Mad said.
Jareth had received "Red Dragon" and grinning at Claire, "This sounds like one of those trashy sex novels... are you inferring something, mon ange?"
Claire smacked her forehead.
Erik who had received "Hannibal" was looking at it. "See, it IS about the man who traveled the Alps."
Mad banged her head in the table.
"Ah! No! Someone please educate this poor, deprived child!"
Erik just looked away, insulted.
"Well," Lestat said. "I think there is only one lamb in this room." He stared at Mad's fleece sweater, or what was under it.
"Aw cut it out!" Spike drawled.
"Why don't you just take her! She's not that strong looking. I mean come on!"
"Hey!" yelled Claire. "She's my friend and she can fend for her self, right?"
"I..guess." answered Mad.
Jareth started playing with Claire's hair.
"Wha?" she asked.
"Oh nothing..."
"NOTHING TRALALA!!" crowed Mad.
"I'm still hungry." Claire stated.
"As am I," Spike said, grinning. "Can I snack a bit?" He goes to bite into her neck and she giggles.
"Hey, that TICKLES!"
Jareth suddenly grabs her away. "HEY, I can bite too! SEE!" Jareth suddenly starts biting Claire's throat, which in turn, shocks everyone else.
"OW!" Claire cried as he bit.
Erik stood, "Monsieur!"
Mad had risen as well, "What do you think you're doing?"
Finally, Claire struggled away and ran towards Erik. Erik, who hadn't seen it coming, is therefore knocked over. "Erik, keep me safe. You're the Phantom. Punjab HIM!"
"You don't mind?" Erik asked.
"Of COURSE not! Throw him in the TORTURE CHAMBER! I wanna see him FRY!"
Erik jumps up and starts to chase Jareth around, trying to lasso him.
Jareth, however, is running away, screeching like a girl. But, as we all know, Prada boots are not meant for running in, so of course he trips.
And...
Lands...
in a pile of Goblin shit.
And...
of course...
everyone laughs.
"I'm still hungry," Claire stated.
"Good god I need a shower!" wailed Jareth.
"You need to be taught some manners as well you useless pig!" shouted Erik.
Lestat laughed in a foppish way. Mad looked at him.
"It's not that funny any more..."
"Spike?" Claire cooed.
"Yes?" he answered.
"Be a bad boy and sit on mommy's lap?" She giggled.
"What! That was completely out of context!"
"So?" Claire asked.
"This entire fic is out of context, now come on! Sit!"
While Claire was trying to seduce Spike, Lestat was alllllmost but not quite successfully seducing Mad.
"Come here, little one."
"Oh no! You're not going to pull that 'little one' crap on me buddy!"
"But....but...(remembers Spike's suggestion) Bend over."
"What?"
"Take your clothes off and bend over! Now!"
"NO! AND I'M HUNGRY!!"
"I'm still hungry," Claire whined.
"You're hungry, he's hungry, I'm hungry, we're all hungry!" Mad cries as she laughs hysterically and runs into a wall.
"Ooooooooo," hissed Lestat.
The one thing you should know about Claire is that even though she doesn't eat much, when she is hungry- you do NOT mess with her. You get out of the way, take cover, and possible find an escape route as she raids the kitchen.
"I WANT FOOD... NOW!" Claire bellowed.
Jareth, actually thinking for a second instead of posing for a portrait that will make him look smart, smirks and conjures a crystal. Walking up to her, he rolls the crystal along his wrist and it turns into a peach. "Here you are my dearest precious snookums. It's a present."
Claire looks at the peach, takes it, and then tosses it at his head. "This is NOT real food, I'm talking about five course dinners!"
"I have a two course meal, right now." He smiles wolfishly. Looking at the two humans he points to Claire, "Entree," and smirking at Mad he says, "Dessert."
Spike jumps in as 'Super Big Bad' and says, "NO! You can't hurt her!" He covers Claire. "She's mine!"
"HEY!" says both Claire and Mad.
"I'm NOT an entree, I taste better with chocolate than with meat sauce." Claire looks at both Spike and Lestat, "I shouldn't have said that."
"What about me?" Mad wails. "I want a PROTECTOR! I WANT TO BE LOVED!" Mad starts to cry.
Lestat, seeing his opportunity, walks over to Mad and acts concerned. "I'll care for you, my love!"
"Will you give me your lips?" Mad asked.
"Yes," Lestat said, leaning closer.
"Do you give me your mouth?"
"Yes," He said, leaning even closer.
"Do you give me your teeth?"
"YES!" Lestat cried, now practically on top of her.
Mad sighs and very dreamily says, "Do you give me your love?"
Lestat pauses, and immediately draws back. "Well..."
Erik suddenly pipes in, "It really isn't necessary to eat more than once a day, you know."
Mad adds, "See Phantom by Susan Kay. Page 247, paperback. Only $5.99"
"I'm. Still. HuNgRRRRRRRRY!" Claire yelled. Her eyes blazed and immediately her hands go up to her eyes. "Owch..."
Erik, fed up, takes the first thing she finds and shoves it in her mouth. "Here!"
Claire starts to laugh hysterically when she realizes what's in her mouth.
Wedged between her teeth is a large chunk of cheese.