Chapter 6: More Family-Critics-Brainless Dribble!
Ok here we go then! You know you asked for it! This is specially dedicated to ASHIE because he said I never include him in any of my stories, and it was the biggest lie I've ever read.
Ever wondered why only in America do banks open their doors to mostly anybody (except a hobo with no money and who keeps gold tucked inside his teeth) and chain their pens to the counter? Or how people go to In-n-Out (yeah!!) and order a double-double with everything, (including grilled onions-yum!), huge french fries and a huge diet Pepsi? If you're gonna order the whole fattening thing order a freaking normal Pepsi for crying out loud! And why does your hair lighten under the sun but your skin gets tanned? UH? Bet you can't answer that! HA! O.o I knew I'd get you there mi amigo!
These are only half the questions that I wonder every day, and also Gary, who by the way sent me these. Point is his mum (who sent him these that he later sent me that I later sent everybody in my list) got it from a wise thinker! Yes she did! Somebody, somewhere, ponders these same puzzles, and I am determined to unscramble them! Ok then, people take advantage of every single deal that will cost nothing and give them more money in the banks, so the bank peeps, tired of getting stepped on, decided to take away the fabulous privilege of taking home with you a bank pen. And by doing this, they're taking away importance from you because everybody used to gape at your marvelous bank pen. Unfair? I think so too. And the sun, since it's a sushipoo (who by the way has decided to explode, killing all of us in a billion years) thought about making you look a shade darker (or to maybe even burn your baby-soft skin! *gasp*) so that he could laugh at your suffering (if it's the burned skin case). And also at your grumpiness when you find out you did the exact same opposite as Michael Jackson, without your consent. If you can't handle the truth then nobody may eat your socks, Wesley!!
By the way, talking about the devil, did you see what Jackson did with his baby son in Germany? Dude, me and my brother used to be gigantic fans of his, and ever since he turned a shade crazier I've decided to back off. I mean who in their mind would 1) Grab a baby without holding its head, 2) sway him around an open balcony, and 3) cover its head with a blanket??! They baby could have fallen out, (or fly if he's Superman) or suffocated with the blanket thingy covering his nosey and mouthie!! Like a psychologist once said. (after watching what crazy-loony-cracker-head Jackson did) "Jackson is so crazy he got kicked out of the rehab center, and Hannibal shrieked when he saw Jackson approaching him to give him an autograph." The truth sometimes bites.
Anyways, getting back to the point of chapter five, me and my friends have decided to make (yes I said make, as in oblige) more people join our little Family. Now, Grace said she wanted Richard (from Covina.HEY!) as her brother, so he is now officially Chrissie's and my foster brother, Grace's brother, Haleigh's foster brother-in-law, and Ryan's ex-foster-brother-in- law. Wow that took me three seconds to come up with! I'm smarter than Haleigh thinks! *wink*
Now, with my fave boy, Harry Potter. Now I've read very harsh critics about him, or rather the movie, but some were funny. For example; one critic said that harry was always wining his fights with my bro, Lord Voldie, because his parents did it for him. Um hello? HIS PARENTS ARE DEAD YOU MORON!! They might give him interior strength to do all the good deeds he does, but, man, he isn't a good-for-nothing little brat! *roars and launches to bite the critic* There was another story clipping about a case of rapidly-spreading lice in the set of the second movie. And they had titled it "Hairy Potter". well I must confess that that was funny, but not the "Will Potter be bald now?" *scratches the author's leg* Anyways, and what about a little, er, joke-comment that a guy from the HP movie business said about the "young actors"? It goes like "'We're experimenting with cryogenic techniques to simply freeze the actors until we're ready to go again, but so far there's no scientific evidence to suggest that it's a workable plan.'" ER. Um can I imagine a sixteen year old me, drooling over a thirteen year old Dan Radcliffe like I'm doing right now? Can you imagine how unnerving it is going to be for an eccentric person like me?? CAN YOU?? *faint* I really don't know what's going to happen to the movies. They're even thinking about making two Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movies. This British-Americans wannabe's. *tsk tsk*
Anyway, me and Haleigh are now fighting again because she can't take the fact that I am married to Tom Felton (and have two wonderful kids, Rudy (12) and Katy (14) with him), and she declares that he visits HER because I am boring. I am anything, I repeat, ANYTHING but boring, OK? I can pull a joke out of nowhere, and make people laugh at it!! But we all know that what she says is pure jealousy talking. Because we all know that me and Tom are a happy couple. *ahem* By they way, I forgot to talk about my wonderful children! SHAME on me! Ok well, it goes this way (as Rudy told me): It happened when I was born a month before my siamese twin sister, and was hanging out there by my left foot. By the time I got inseminated (you know what that is, just don't ask) (from Tom, of course, who by that time was about ten months or so older) I was only two months old. You see I didn't get it either, but Rudy informed me that the government has MANY secrets so that really explains everything. Anyway, back to the script, so Katy was born only two months after I, you know, had the whole thing. Weird, but that's the CIA stuff. So, when I was about a year and nearly half old, I was going through the same CIA procedure as with Katy, and Rudy was born nine months afterwards. Of course, neither me nor Tom knew about this, and my parents took care of them. I only found out they were MY kids in June of this very year! But of course, it doesn't really matter, because me and Tom had been in "love" since like January of last year, so it really makes no difference. so when we found out about our kids we got married, and that's it really. But of course, Haleigh is jealous, and Chrissie and Grace are happy because they're aunties, and so is Richard, the "uncleie" (hehehe). It's a Utopia we live in! (A/N: if EVER someone from the cast of HP reads this and like sends me a message or something, I swear I'll blush so badly it'll last for a month, and you'll find me eating pieces of fluff, hiding under my covers, and whatnot.)
Anyways I hope I fulfilled your cravings for more stupidity through my writing!
Ok here we go then! You know you asked for it! This is specially dedicated to ASHIE because he said I never include him in any of my stories, and it was the biggest lie I've ever read.
Ever wondered why only in America do banks open their doors to mostly anybody (except a hobo with no money and who keeps gold tucked inside his teeth) and chain their pens to the counter? Or how people go to In-n-Out (yeah!!) and order a double-double with everything, (including grilled onions-yum!), huge french fries and a huge diet Pepsi? If you're gonna order the whole fattening thing order a freaking normal Pepsi for crying out loud! And why does your hair lighten under the sun but your skin gets tanned? UH? Bet you can't answer that! HA! O.o I knew I'd get you there mi amigo!
These are only half the questions that I wonder every day, and also Gary, who by the way sent me these. Point is his mum (who sent him these that he later sent me that I later sent everybody in my list) got it from a wise thinker! Yes she did! Somebody, somewhere, ponders these same puzzles, and I am determined to unscramble them! Ok then, people take advantage of every single deal that will cost nothing and give them more money in the banks, so the bank peeps, tired of getting stepped on, decided to take away the fabulous privilege of taking home with you a bank pen. And by doing this, they're taking away importance from you because everybody used to gape at your marvelous bank pen. Unfair? I think so too. And the sun, since it's a sushipoo (who by the way has decided to explode, killing all of us in a billion years) thought about making you look a shade darker (or to maybe even burn your baby-soft skin! *gasp*) so that he could laugh at your suffering (if it's the burned skin case). And also at your grumpiness when you find out you did the exact same opposite as Michael Jackson, without your consent. If you can't handle the truth then nobody may eat your socks, Wesley!!
By the way, talking about the devil, did you see what Jackson did with his baby son in Germany? Dude, me and my brother used to be gigantic fans of his, and ever since he turned a shade crazier I've decided to back off. I mean who in their mind would 1) Grab a baby without holding its head, 2) sway him around an open balcony, and 3) cover its head with a blanket??! They baby could have fallen out, (or fly if he's Superman) or suffocated with the blanket thingy covering his nosey and mouthie!! Like a psychologist once said. (after watching what crazy-loony-cracker-head Jackson did) "Jackson is so crazy he got kicked out of the rehab center, and Hannibal shrieked when he saw Jackson approaching him to give him an autograph." The truth sometimes bites.
Anyways, getting back to the point of chapter five, me and my friends have decided to make (yes I said make, as in oblige) more people join our little Family. Now, Grace said she wanted Richard (from Covina.HEY!) as her brother, so he is now officially Chrissie's and my foster brother, Grace's brother, Haleigh's foster brother-in-law, and Ryan's ex-foster-brother-in- law. Wow that took me three seconds to come up with! I'm smarter than Haleigh thinks! *wink*
Now, with my fave boy, Harry Potter. Now I've read very harsh critics about him, or rather the movie, but some were funny. For example; one critic said that harry was always wining his fights with my bro, Lord Voldie, because his parents did it for him. Um hello? HIS PARENTS ARE DEAD YOU MORON!! They might give him interior strength to do all the good deeds he does, but, man, he isn't a good-for-nothing little brat! *roars and launches to bite the critic* There was another story clipping about a case of rapidly-spreading lice in the set of the second movie. And they had titled it "Hairy Potter". well I must confess that that was funny, but not the "Will Potter be bald now?" *scratches the author's leg* Anyways, and what about a little, er, joke-comment that a guy from the HP movie business said about the "young actors"? It goes like "'We're experimenting with cryogenic techniques to simply freeze the actors until we're ready to go again, but so far there's no scientific evidence to suggest that it's a workable plan.'" ER. Um can I imagine a sixteen year old me, drooling over a thirteen year old Dan Radcliffe like I'm doing right now? Can you imagine how unnerving it is going to be for an eccentric person like me?? CAN YOU?? *faint* I really don't know what's going to happen to the movies. They're even thinking about making two Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movies. This British-Americans wannabe's. *tsk tsk*
Anyway, me and Haleigh are now fighting again because she can't take the fact that I am married to Tom Felton (and have two wonderful kids, Rudy (12) and Katy (14) with him), and she declares that he visits HER because I am boring. I am anything, I repeat, ANYTHING but boring, OK? I can pull a joke out of nowhere, and make people laugh at it!! But we all know that what she says is pure jealousy talking. Because we all know that me and Tom are a happy couple. *ahem* By they way, I forgot to talk about my wonderful children! SHAME on me! Ok well, it goes this way (as Rudy told me): It happened when I was born a month before my siamese twin sister, and was hanging out there by my left foot. By the time I got inseminated (you know what that is, just don't ask) (from Tom, of course, who by that time was about ten months or so older) I was only two months old. You see I didn't get it either, but Rudy informed me that the government has MANY secrets so that really explains everything. Anyway, back to the script, so Katy was born only two months after I, you know, had the whole thing. Weird, but that's the CIA stuff. So, when I was about a year and nearly half old, I was going through the same CIA procedure as with Katy, and Rudy was born nine months afterwards. Of course, neither me nor Tom knew about this, and my parents took care of them. I only found out they were MY kids in June of this very year! But of course, it doesn't really matter, because me and Tom had been in "love" since like January of last year, so it really makes no difference. so when we found out about our kids we got married, and that's it really. But of course, Haleigh is jealous, and Chrissie and Grace are happy because they're aunties, and so is Richard, the "uncleie" (hehehe). It's a Utopia we live in! (A/N: if EVER someone from the cast of HP reads this and like sends me a message or something, I swear I'll blush so badly it'll last for a month, and you'll find me eating pieces of fluff, hiding under my covers, and whatnot.)
Anyways I hope I fulfilled your cravings for more stupidity through my writing!