Chapter 8: Chain Letters!

Okay, so don't you get annoyed by those goddamned chain letters that your friends (or enemies) send you, because they think it's funny, and actually think it'll work? (Or because they hate you to death and want to annoy you for ever and ever 'til the end, when you die of a heart attack, and then they will laugh at your dead ass.) Well, my friend ASHIE (formerly known as Iankiens, Ian, Good Boy, or "fourth sexiest man alive wanna-be) sent me this made up chain letter, that made me laugh (even though he sent it to me last week, I just read it when I pasted it down *cheesy grin*) and thought I'd put it up here, to make you all see what's really behind those cheesy chain-good-luck-yeah-right-letters that you have in your inbox. (Unless you're a freak with no computer whatsoever, and think the internet is Satan Claws, and not Santa Claus, which comes to be the same thing anyways)

So Merry Satan-X-mas and read on for the laugh of the day!!

^_^

Subject: Chain letter from HECK! (So I'm an idiot. Sue me.)

This really works! I made it myself, then tried, and it really worked! It's a miracle! Get a piece of paper and number it from 1 to a million hundred ZILLION

By each number, write an answer to the questions below.

1. Simplify: 10x*7x+9+(10x-yxz)

2. What is your favorite color?

3. How many spawns of Satan are there?

4. Are you a flesheater?

5. Is Ian an idiot?

6. Error #120: Reality.sys corrupt. Universe failure. Earth reboot (y/n)?

7. Do monkeys have toes?

8. How many stars are there?

9. What is the square root of A ZILLION!?

10. A train leaves Boston travelling due east at 45555555555552.3 miles an hour. Another train leaves El Paso travelling due North-north-south-west at .001 miles an hour. When, where, how will they meet? What movie will they see? AM I AN IDIOT?

Now think of a wish. Thinking of it? Good. Now scroll down and think of it!

I

I h

I ha

I hat

I hate

I hate y

I hate yo

I hate you

I hate you a

I hate you an

I hate you and

I hate you and y

I hate you and yo

I hate you and you

I hate you and your

I hate you and your l

I hate you and your li

I hate you and your lit

I hate you and your litt

I hate you and your littl

I hate you and your little

I hate you and your little d

I hate you and your little do

I hate you and your little dog

I hate you and your little dog t

I hate you and your little dog to

I hate you and your little dog too

I hate you and your little dog to

I hate you and your little dog t

I hate you and your little dog

I hate you and your little do

I hate you and your little d

I hate you and your little

I hate you and your littl

I hate you and your litt

I hate you and your lit

I hate you and your li

I hate you and your l

I hate you and your

I hate you and you

I hate you and yo

I hate you and y

I hate you and

I hate you an

I hate you a

I hate you

I hate yo

I hate y

I hate

I hat

I ha

I h

I

Made your wish? Well, you're a moron, because it ain't gonna come true because this is just an e-mail! But here's some stories about people who believed chain e-mails

Take little Jimmy F. Cornfield. He was your average kid, had lotsa friends and made bad grades because he was always doing chain e-mails. Well, one day he got on AOL to check his e-mail, and he got this one. Thinking, 'what the heck?' and sent a copy to all his friends. Well, the next day he was mobbed in the school courtyard for sending crap chain e-mails like this that wasted peoples time and was immediately kicked out of school because he was now a loser and he was avoided like he had the plague and he lost all his money.

Now, Tanya. Yes, Tanya was a smart girl. She was popular, and a good cheerleader, and she had 4 boyfriends and she lost her virginity to a 50 year old guy when she was 14! Now, Tanya was one of the 'beautiful' people. She had never had a zit, and she had never broken a bone. Well, one day, she got this e-mail, and deleted it because she's too stupid to read anything written by IAN. Well, the next day there was a huge pimple on her face, and everyone called her pimple face, and she was a social outcast, and then she fell off a stampeding rhino and broke her tibia, so she was rushed to the hospital. While there, they decided to pop her pimple, but it was so horrendous it defended it's own honor, and then it popped and EVERYONE DIED. The end.

And then there was Timothy R. Humplebottom. He was your average kid, not popular, but not unpopular. He had his share of friends, and was generally a good guy. Well, he got this e-mail. 'what the heck?', he though. He hated chain e-mails. Well, the next day his dad was fired from his job as a...doctor! Yea! And then his mom died in a HORRIBLE car accident (she lost an arm and a leg, and her left kidney, and they had to put her down because she went rabid from the disease of the leprosy.) Then his cat turned out to be a Nazi! And his cat killed his mom! And then his dad died after 'losing me hand in da waaaar'! He died from the disease of the CANCER! Then his cat killed his mom! Then the girl he had a crush on kicked him down south of the border in the middle of the school play! And then his cat killed his dad! Then his cat turned out to be a Nazi! And they had to put his cat down! But the vet was a Nazi! And the cat and the vet were actually in league together, and they wreaked horrible havoc on the town! Only Timothy could stop them! But Timothy was killed by his cat! And the two Nazi- controlling-mind-bender-FREAKS killed EVERYONE! If Timothy had only not sent that e-mail... then everyone would still be dead because this is just an e-mail!

So I bet you're thinking, 'if horrible luck will befall me either way, what do I do?' well, the answer is NOTHING. Because this is just an e-mail, and it doesn't matter either way!

So keep this e-mail going! I made it in 1347 and it's been going on ever since! There have been some reported cases of good things happening, but don't get your hopes up.

If you send this to 4 zillion kajillion people in 5 minutes, then your wish you made earlier most likely won't come true! Now send it on! (Or you could just send it to your friends because I'm funny! *cheesy grin*)

1 person- You found this funny and sent it to a friend to laugh at.

2-4 people- you have more friends then the person who only sent it to one person

5-9 people- You are incredibly stupid and think luck will befall you

10-4 zillion kajillion people- You have NO life whatsoever! And how is it possible to have that many friends? How many of them are real? Huh? HUH?!

Answer me that!

There are three points to this e-mail:

1. S**t happens. If you get a chain e-mail, don't send it on. A stupid e-mail is not gonna change whether or not you get a girlfriend. Make the world a better place, and delete them.

2. STOP SENDING ME CHAIN E-MAILS!!!!!! ERGH ARGH NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

3. I'm an idiot.

These Washington people give you stupid yet jolly entertainment!

Now I want YOU (*Uncle Sam's finger points at you out of nowhere*) to answer these questions when YOU (*Uncle Sam pokes your eye since he is so close to you it's scary*) review this chapter!!!! OK??? GOOD BOY/GIRL/BOTH/UNKNOWN!!! *Pats your head*