(Dedicated to my dearest friend Tyler, who had his birthday the other day,
so this is my bday gift!)
Chapter 9: The Birthday Party I'd throw for Tyler!
How many of you have done something crazy in a sane place? Say you were at the supermarket and when your mom dragged you to the toilet paper isle, you thought the toilet rolls could come to life and wrap themselves around you? Then, you started freaking out slowly and then had the sudden (GREAT) idea of grabbing as many bottles of root beer as you could find and spraying them around the toilet paper isle, to make the paper weak and stinky? Then, a ray of divine light came upon you from above your head, and a deep voice called out your name, and said-
-"Susie, you're a wussy, but since you killed the evil toilet paper, I hereby give you the divine gift of idiocy. Use it well, Susie, for it only given to certain SPECIAL people."
Well, lemme tell you something, "Sussie", you did the right thing, by killing all those toilet paper rolls. Would you like to know why I am so proud of you, Sussie? Because toilet paper indeed is alive!! (*Dramatic music in background*) And if your mom got mad at you, Sussie, for saving the world from toilet paper, screw her! Sussie, you should be given the Jackass Star Award for being such a hero!
So anyway, have you ever thought of how to throw the goddamn best birthday party ever for one of your dearest friends, or simply for you?? Well, Monkeycakes (that'd be me, people, ME!) is here to save your day! Monkeycakes has put up a great list of things you can do to start being called a freak! How wickedly odd does that appeal to you, eh? Well, say that a friend of yours named TYLER was home alone and bored to death. On his 14th birthday! Oh dear Lord! Well, this is something I'd do to make Tyler's day the most crazy, er, I mean special of his life! (Not, it is not bringing an almost naked woman inside a gigantic birthday cake, and making her dance wildly around his face. That'd scare poor Tyler.):
STEP ONE- PLANNING YOUR EVIL DEEDS
The Yellow pages is your friend. The Yellow pages is your friend. THE YELLOW PAGES IS YOUR FRIEND, I TELL YOU! Yes, so why don't you read the whole book, just for the fun of it? Maybe you'll see something appealing to you. I've decided on mine, so shut up and listen. Okay, well since Tyler will NEVER get mad at ANYBODY (not even at me, people, and that's a hard thing to do, I might add.), I decided to call up one of those inflatable castle thingies, that little kids always have in their backyards. I've decided to plant one of those giant castles, because Tyler is known to me as "O-King-SIRE Lord of this Land", and I am (as he named me) "A Beautiful Maiden with Long Hair, that Runs Through the Corn Field", so it makes a lot of sense to me. Anyway, so that's done. Next, the food. YUM! Well, since I have no idea what his favourite food is, I've decided that for him. I'll set up a table full of the following:
Cheese covered chocolates
Mt. Dew mixed with Gatorade
Sponge Bob Square pants crackers covered in moldy donkey skin
Ramen soup, and Chinese food, because Chinese food rocks my socks
After Eight minties, just for the sake of not eating them after eight
Weezer shaped candy canes, covered with Mexican cheese
And a little bit of just everything you find in my fridge!
STEP 2- INVITING PEOPLE
Oh this is probably the easiest step I've ever written. Grab a handful of toilet paper. Write that whoever (insert name here) is invited to (insert bday person's name here)'s party, and that they better come, or else Monica will hit them with River Cuomo's guitar. Then proceed to throw the toilet paper around whoever's house you're trying to invite, and wait 'til they show up at the party. See how easy I make it look?
STEP 3- PARTYING!
This is, of course the last step, as you can see. Ugh I smell mashed potatoes. Anyway, well you should wear your most putrid dress, your most icky-looking shoes, and a hairdo that screams "DO NOT GET ANY CLOSER!" Make peeps take off their shoes and wear balloon-like shoes, to see if your experiment works (the experiment is to see if anybody thin enough takes off in the balloon-like shoes and gets lost in space). Place the gifts on a lonely table, and go away, looking for Tyler and party with him because it's his birthday and he deserves it!
So I hope that my little guide helped you so, and notice that Tyler already had his bday party, and I couldn't attend such because he lives up north and I'm stuck in LA. *sigh*
(A/N Chapter 10 will have some Pg 13 stuff so think twice if you're under the age of a zitrillion years. aka 13, ok? I am not responsible, and I'll even put it up at the start of chapter 10!)
Chapter 9: The Birthday Party I'd throw for Tyler!
How many of you have done something crazy in a sane place? Say you were at the supermarket and when your mom dragged you to the toilet paper isle, you thought the toilet rolls could come to life and wrap themselves around you? Then, you started freaking out slowly and then had the sudden (GREAT) idea of grabbing as many bottles of root beer as you could find and spraying them around the toilet paper isle, to make the paper weak and stinky? Then, a ray of divine light came upon you from above your head, and a deep voice called out your name, and said-
-"Susie, you're a wussy, but since you killed the evil toilet paper, I hereby give you the divine gift of idiocy. Use it well, Susie, for it only given to certain SPECIAL people."
Well, lemme tell you something, "Sussie", you did the right thing, by killing all those toilet paper rolls. Would you like to know why I am so proud of you, Sussie? Because toilet paper indeed is alive!! (*Dramatic music in background*) And if your mom got mad at you, Sussie, for saving the world from toilet paper, screw her! Sussie, you should be given the Jackass Star Award for being such a hero!
So anyway, have you ever thought of how to throw the goddamn best birthday party ever for one of your dearest friends, or simply for you?? Well, Monkeycakes (that'd be me, people, ME!) is here to save your day! Monkeycakes has put up a great list of things you can do to start being called a freak! How wickedly odd does that appeal to you, eh? Well, say that a friend of yours named TYLER was home alone and bored to death. On his 14th birthday! Oh dear Lord! Well, this is something I'd do to make Tyler's day the most crazy, er, I mean special of his life! (Not, it is not bringing an almost naked woman inside a gigantic birthday cake, and making her dance wildly around his face. That'd scare poor Tyler.):
STEP ONE- PLANNING YOUR EVIL DEEDS
The Yellow pages is your friend. The Yellow pages is your friend. THE YELLOW PAGES IS YOUR FRIEND, I TELL YOU! Yes, so why don't you read the whole book, just for the fun of it? Maybe you'll see something appealing to you. I've decided on mine, so shut up and listen. Okay, well since Tyler will NEVER get mad at ANYBODY (not even at me, people, and that's a hard thing to do, I might add.), I decided to call up one of those inflatable castle thingies, that little kids always have in their backyards. I've decided to plant one of those giant castles, because Tyler is known to me as "O-King-SIRE Lord of this Land", and I am (as he named me) "A Beautiful Maiden with Long Hair, that Runs Through the Corn Field", so it makes a lot of sense to me. Anyway, so that's done. Next, the food. YUM! Well, since I have no idea what his favourite food is, I've decided that for him. I'll set up a table full of the following:
Cheese covered chocolates
Mt. Dew mixed with Gatorade
Sponge Bob Square pants crackers covered in moldy donkey skin
Ramen soup, and Chinese food, because Chinese food rocks my socks
After Eight minties, just for the sake of not eating them after eight
Weezer shaped candy canes, covered with Mexican cheese
And a little bit of just everything you find in my fridge!
STEP 2- INVITING PEOPLE
Oh this is probably the easiest step I've ever written. Grab a handful of toilet paper. Write that whoever (insert name here) is invited to (insert bday person's name here)'s party, and that they better come, or else Monica will hit them with River Cuomo's guitar. Then proceed to throw the toilet paper around whoever's house you're trying to invite, and wait 'til they show up at the party. See how easy I make it look?
STEP 3- PARTYING!
This is, of course the last step, as you can see. Ugh I smell mashed potatoes. Anyway, well you should wear your most putrid dress, your most icky-looking shoes, and a hairdo that screams "DO NOT GET ANY CLOSER!" Make peeps take off their shoes and wear balloon-like shoes, to see if your experiment works (the experiment is to see if anybody thin enough takes off in the balloon-like shoes and gets lost in space). Place the gifts on a lonely table, and go away, looking for Tyler and party with him because it's his birthday and he deserves it!
So I hope that my little guide helped you so, and notice that Tyler already had his bday party, and I couldn't attend such because he lives up north and I'm stuck in LA. *sigh*
(A/N Chapter 10 will have some Pg 13 stuff so think twice if you're under the age of a zitrillion years. aka 13, ok? I am not responsible, and I'll even put it up at the start of chapter 10!)