MY VERY MERRY SHIT-X-MAS SPECIAL!!!
Special Guests: Airika, Caitlan, Nikky and Tyler!
PG 13 PG 13 PG 13 PG 13 PG 13 PG 13 PG 13 PG 13 PG 13 PG 13!!!!!!!
(A/N "tis the time to turn back and read something else if you're under the age of 13, peeps! I repeat, this has some "mild language", so GET OUT BABIES!! Now let's proceed.)
Well, well, well, 'tis that time of year again. where people turn greedy, ugly, gain about a zitrillion pounds, give away ugly gifts with no purpose whatsoever, and get pretty shit for themselves. Would you like to know what I'm getting for my peeps named special guests? Well, for Airika I'm getting her a huge ass-o, for Caitlan she'll have fat legs , Nikky's getting the double chin, Tyler's gonna get the 20 extra pounds!(and for my other friends who were gonna do this too, but didn't hand in their part)for Anna a huge bloated tummy, and Eric is gonna get the Jell-O-like extra fat EVERYWHERE (eeeew-I'm sorry Eric!) How charming are my presents?
Well, I went around asking my most funny friends about some paragraphs describing their messed up thoughts about X-mas. Well, since I was in the middle of a mind war about whose paragraph would go first, I'll just calm down my other seven personalities, and put the comments in alphabetical order.makes it easier for idiots to comprehend and for imbeciles like me to type!
But first let me get you into the whole deal of why Christmas isn't a holy, merry, fun, loving, happy season. First, we got the hole shit with the bible (A/N If you're religious, please note that my parents are too, and are pressing on about how I am catholic, and I'm pressing on about how I'm nothing; so if you feel this comment is wrong, either skip this part, or go elsewhere). We have no clue whatsoever as to who wrote the bible. maybe a crazy lunatic (with a mind kinda like mine) wrote it as a bed-time story to chase away evil demons (kinda like all of us here). Or maybe it was all part of an evil clan to drive away talking cats with fluffy clown- like shoes. I don't know. The point is we don't even know if the whole Jesus-was-born-on-Christmas-day thing is true or not. So Caitlan, Anna and me totally agree in this theory, we are so Anarchist! Hell yeah baby! Next comes "Santa Claus"; I meant to say Satan Claws. Why Satan Claws? Heh, 'tis easy my brotha. He is just another Boogie-man, ready to eat our livers, steal our money, and posses the confidence of our children, my man! 'Tis another trick of the government to suck out our beliefs in talking mushrooms, and pixie dust! Yes, yes, so now that you sort of have an idea of what you are about to get into, let's get this over with, shall we?
First, we have Airika, a happy bipolar 15 year old chick, who sits in front of me in Art Class, 3rd period, and who has something to say about her XXX-mas experience-
"'Twas the day before XXX-mas (*wink*). Airika (me) had lots of sexual deeds. I had to walk down Sugar Booger Street because Ms. Piggy wanted to play "Catch the Piglet that Ran Away". I was so excited but when I turned on the street Suck my Bells that Jingle Ave. I ran into Catdog (They are my boyfriends). So I told them I needed to go down to Smelly Shit Fish Market! They believed my evil story! BWHAHAHA! And left me alone! Then Ms. Piggy played a naughty game with raw bacon, I cannot say because my child, Harry Potter, is sucking my boob right now (he still gets breastfeed, SHHH don't tell!). Oh my! I just gave birth to the ugliest thing I've ever seen! Oh my God it's so fucking ugly I'll name it Monica Coy Miras! HA HA!!! 2 be continued next year!
p.s. Oww! Harry bit my nipple."
And that was Airika, ladies and gentlemen! Wasn't that lovely? She named her beautiful child after me. I thought so. So anyway, right now I'm jumping around my parents room excitedly, kinda like a fruitcake.!!! YAY!!! Ok, let's go on with Lemon's paragraph, shall we? Next we have the tale of my dearest friend Bettie Page, aka Caitlan, who today (12-20) got a bouquet of roses from her boyfriend.*big aww sound* Ok so anyway, I'll stop embarrassing her and get on with her very educational paragraph.
This is what our dear friend Bettie Page told me-
"*Anarchist "A"* Anti-X-mas!! (I BELIEVE IN ANARCHY!!)
*MARYLIN MANSON blaring in the background*
Satan Claws is evil!! Cactus (which would be me, Monkeycakes) says Satan Claws is going to eat everyone's livers!! Wait a minute. I got that all wrong! It's SANTA CLAUS who's evil. not Sugar!!
Seriously though, Santa Claus is just used to regulate children's behavior, much like "The Antichrist", "The Beast of Revelation" is a nonexistent Christian Boogie man used to scare people into being sheep!!!
Winter break is really spiffy though!!! I get to sit around in my chili pepper Pj's pants and "devil's" sweatshirt. Reading "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac" comics, drinking Kool Aid, of course, listening to MARYLIN MANSON!!! On my cheetah print slippers at midnight and going to the kitchen to sneak cold sugar cookie dough!!! (A/N Even though me and Sean told her it may contain salmonella, we got rid of her cold sugar cookie dough fetish) But other than that CHRISTMAS SUCKS!!! I am anti X-mas and really fucking proud of it!!!
Love, Bettie Page
P.s. MARYLIN MANSON RAWKS MY SOX!!!"
I think my dearest friend made her point of her sugar cookie dough fetish and her Marylin Manson fetish, which is an evil intergalactic plan to fill our minds with his awesome music and convert the world to Marylin Manson. Which is, of course, working on me. We don't need to nullify!! Er, sorry I am listening to System of a Down right now, so if I put down weird lyrics that have nothing to do with this, pardon my dumbness *bows*.
Now with Nikky's account of Shit-Xmas!!!-
"Nikky was walking down the street on christmas eve. Usually, christmas is a good time of year. This year, it just sucked. Sure, there were a lot of presents under the tree, but Nikky just wanted to spend time with family and stop fighting. That never happend though. So on christmas, everyone sat down to an table full of invisible food that nobody cooked and watched her parents yell back and forth at each other, while everyone else was having christmas. They soon enough ran into the kitchen and began waddling like ducks and cursing at each other. Nikky walked away and went to bed at two o clock PM. None of her friends called her to say merry xmas or anything. Then her mom went to work at two fourty five. *Merry Christmas* "
Oh didn't you just feel that?? I know I did! That was a lsad account, Nikky- poo, that was! YOU SHOULD ALL LEARN SOMETHING FROM IT, SHEESH!!! PLEASE, shut up, stop eating MY chocllate covered socks, and read Tyler's paragraph, because it shows what truly, seriously, like totally, what I DON'T do in X-mas.or any time of the year anyway..-
People gather at Christmas, for one purpose, to receive gifts, but that's not the reason of Christmas, it's a time for family, friends, loved ones. A time for giving, a time for happiness, a time when everyone cares about each other, when they actually will help that poor man on the corner, when they gladly help the person in front of them make at the checkout make up the dollar difference that they don't have. Christmas is a time that we all love one another [no one take that the wrong way]. So why do we all stress out at this time? Because, the adults, no offense, have lost the true meaning, worrying about if you got everything for everyone. Worrying about what to serve, if everyone will be happy. It's up to the new generation, us, the kids, to spread the true joy, so go, and spread it.
"We are prepared for any unseen event that may or may not occur," - George W. Bush Until another Day.......
Tyler Doyle
Well, this has been Monkeycakes' X-mas special! Thanks to everybody for their magnificent, sulky paragraphs (JK)I sincerely hope you have a great x-mas, and don't forget to drink lotsa wine, eat lotsa cookies, and fax me your address so that I can go over and steal all your x- mas presents!!! Now let's sing that so traditional X-mas song, "Jingle.the Bells of Hell"!! Remodeled by ME, and Bettie Page, and Noodle!!-
Jingle the Bells of Hell (x2)
Fuck you all the way!
Oh what fun it is to run over
Grace and Lemon with my Corvette!
Jingle the bells of hell (x2)
Fuck you all the way
Oh what fun it is to bitch at
People all day!
Dashing through the crowd, wearing my
Pink Tinkerbells,
O'er the peeps Tyler shot my handgun all the way!
BOOM BOOM BOOM!
Caitlan raped Manson, Eric choked again,
What fun it is to see how Airika and Nikky Stumbled and fell 'gain! HEY!
(Chorus x2)
If you eat yourself, where will you end up?
Your bladder, nose your thighs?
Oh! Hear the screaming sounds tonight!
(Chorus x2)
(A/N "tis the time to turn back and read something else if you're under the age of 13, peeps! I repeat, this has some "mild language", so GET OUT BABIES!! Now let's proceed.)
Well, well, well, 'tis that time of year again. where people turn greedy, ugly, gain about a zitrillion pounds, give away ugly gifts with no purpose whatsoever, and get pretty shit for themselves. Would you like to know what I'm getting for my peeps named special guests? Well, for Airika I'm getting her a huge ass-o, for Caitlan she'll have fat legs , Nikky's getting the double chin, Tyler's gonna get the 20 extra pounds!(and for my other friends who were gonna do this too, but didn't hand in their part)for Anna a huge bloated tummy, and Eric is gonna get the Jell-O-like extra fat EVERYWHERE (eeeew-I'm sorry Eric!) How charming are my presents?
Well, I went around asking my most funny friends about some paragraphs describing their messed up thoughts about X-mas. Well, since I was in the middle of a mind war about whose paragraph would go first, I'll just calm down my other seven personalities, and put the comments in alphabetical order.makes it easier for idiots to comprehend and for imbeciles like me to type!
But first let me get you into the whole deal of why Christmas isn't a holy, merry, fun, loving, happy season. First, we got the hole shit with the bible (A/N If you're religious, please note that my parents are too, and are pressing on about how I am catholic, and I'm pressing on about how I'm nothing; so if you feel this comment is wrong, either skip this part, or go elsewhere). We have no clue whatsoever as to who wrote the bible. maybe a crazy lunatic (with a mind kinda like mine) wrote it as a bed-time story to chase away evil demons (kinda like all of us here). Or maybe it was all part of an evil clan to drive away talking cats with fluffy clown- like shoes. I don't know. The point is we don't even know if the whole Jesus-was-born-on-Christmas-day thing is true or not. So Caitlan, Anna and me totally agree in this theory, we are so Anarchist! Hell yeah baby! Next comes "Santa Claus"; I meant to say Satan Claws. Why Satan Claws? Heh, 'tis easy my brotha. He is just another Boogie-man, ready to eat our livers, steal our money, and posses the confidence of our children, my man! 'Tis another trick of the government to suck out our beliefs in talking mushrooms, and pixie dust! Yes, yes, so now that you sort of have an idea of what you are about to get into, let's get this over with, shall we?
First, we have Airika, a happy bipolar 15 year old chick, who sits in front of me in Art Class, 3rd period, and who has something to say about her XXX-mas experience-
"'Twas the day before XXX-mas (*wink*). Airika (me) had lots of sexual deeds. I had to walk down Sugar Booger Street because Ms. Piggy wanted to play "Catch the Piglet that Ran Away". I was so excited but when I turned on the street Suck my Bells that Jingle Ave. I ran into Catdog (They are my boyfriends). So I told them I needed to go down to Smelly Shit Fish Market! They believed my evil story! BWHAHAHA! And left me alone! Then Ms. Piggy played a naughty game with raw bacon, I cannot say because my child, Harry Potter, is sucking my boob right now (he still gets breastfeed, SHHH don't tell!). Oh my! I just gave birth to the ugliest thing I've ever seen! Oh my God it's so fucking ugly I'll name it Monica Coy Miras! HA HA!!! 2 be continued next year!
p.s. Oww! Harry bit my nipple."
And that was Airika, ladies and gentlemen! Wasn't that lovely? She named her beautiful child after me. I thought so. So anyway, right now I'm jumping around my parents room excitedly, kinda like a fruitcake.!!! YAY!!! Ok, let's go on with Lemon's paragraph, shall we? Next we have the tale of my dearest friend Bettie Page, aka Caitlan, who today (12-20) got a bouquet of roses from her boyfriend.*big aww sound* Ok so anyway, I'll stop embarrassing her and get on with her very educational paragraph.
This is what our dear friend Bettie Page told me-
"*Anarchist "A"* Anti-X-mas!! (I BELIEVE IN ANARCHY!!)
*MARYLIN MANSON blaring in the background*
Satan Claws is evil!! Cactus (which would be me, Monkeycakes) says Satan Claws is going to eat everyone's livers!! Wait a minute. I got that all wrong! It's SANTA CLAUS who's evil. not Sugar!!
Seriously though, Santa Claus is just used to regulate children's behavior, much like "The Antichrist", "The Beast of Revelation" is a nonexistent Christian Boogie man used to scare people into being sheep!!!
Winter break is really spiffy though!!! I get to sit around in my chili pepper Pj's pants and "devil's" sweatshirt. Reading "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac" comics, drinking Kool Aid, of course, listening to MARYLIN MANSON!!! On my cheetah print slippers at midnight and going to the kitchen to sneak cold sugar cookie dough!!! (A/N Even though me and Sean told her it may contain salmonella, we got rid of her cold sugar cookie dough fetish) But other than that CHRISTMAS SUCKS!!! I am anti X-mas and really fucking proud of it!!!
Love, Bettie Page
P.s. MARYLIN MANSON RAWKS MY SOX!!!"
I think my dearest friend made her point of her sugar cookie dough fetish and her Marylin Manson fetish, which is an evil intergalactic plan to fill our minds with his awesome music and convert the world to Marylin Manson. Which is, of course, working on me. We don't need to nullify!! Er, sorry I am listening to System of a Down right now, so if I put down weird lyrics that have nothing to do with this, pardon my dumbness *bows*.
Now with Nikky's account of Shit-Xmas!!!-
"Nikky was walking down the street on christmas eve. Usually, christmas is a good time of year. This year, it just sucked. Sure, there were a lot of presents under the tree, but Nikky just wanted to spend time with family and stop fighting. That never happend though. So on christmas, everyone sat down to an table full of invisible food that nobody cooked and watched her parents yell back and forth at each other, while everyone else was having christmas. They soon enough ran into the kitchen and began waddling like ducks and cursing at each other. Nikky walked away and went to bed at two o clock PM. None of her friends called her to say merry xmas or anything. Then her mom went to work at two fourty five. *Merry Christmas* "
Oh didn't you just feel that?? I know I did! That was a lsad account, Nikky- poo, that was! YOU SHOULD ALL LEARN SOMETHING FROM IT, SHEESH!!! PLEASE, shut up, stop eating MY chocllate covered socks, and read Tyler's paragraph, because it shows what truly, seriously, like totally, what I DON'T do in X-mas.or any time of the year anyway..-
People gather at Christmas, for one purpose, to receive gifts, but that's not the reason of Christmas, it's a time for family, friends, loved ones. A time for giving, a time for happiness, a time when everyone cares about each other, when they actually will help that poor man on the corner, when they gladly help the person in front of them make at the checkout make up the dollar difference that they don't have. Christmas is a time that we all love one another [no one take that the wrong way]. So why do we all stress out at this time? Because, the adults, no offense, have lost the true meaning, worrying about if you got everything for everyone. Worrying about what to serve, if everyone will be happy. It's up to the new generation, us, the kids, to spread the true joy, so go, and spread it.
"We are prepared for any unseen event that may or may not occur," - George W. Bush Until another Day.......
Tyler Doyle
Well, this has been Monkeycakes' X-mas special! Thanks to everybody for their magnificent, sulky paragraphs (JK)I sincerely hope you have a great x-mas, and don't forget to drink lotsa wine, eat lotsa cookies, and fax me your address so that I can go over and steal all your x- mas presents!!! Now let's sing that so traditional X-mas song, "Jingle.the Bells of Hell"!! Remodeled by ME, and Bettie Page, and Noodle!!-
Jingle the Bells of Hell (x2)
Fuck you all the way!
Oh what fun it is to run over
Grace and Lemon with my Corvette!
Jingle the bells of hell (x2)
Fuck you all the way
Oh what fun it is to bitch at
People all day!
Dashing through the crowd, wearing my
Pink Tinkerbells,
O'er the peeps Tyler shot my handgun all the way!
BOOM BOOM BOOM!
Caitlan raped Manson, Eric choked again,
What fun it is to see how Airika and Nikky Stumbled and fell 'gain! HEY!
(Chorus x2)
If you eat yourself, where will you end up?
Your bladder, nose your thighs?
Oh! Hear the screaming sounds tonight!
(Chorus x2)