Chapter 12: How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity!
(A/N Special Thanks To Hannah!!!)
Well I've never ever tried to keep my level of complete and chronicle insanity healthy, but some times you just have to try to, right? It's like when you're watching The Pink Panther. You simply can't stop cracking your behind off! Well, same thing with me and my peeps. When you are as crazy as we are, there's no stopping us, no medicine to cure us, no way in HELL to turn our freaky ideas around, AND NO WAY TO STOP US FROM RE-SINGING THE SPICE GIRLS' SONGS!!!
Well, Chrissie was expecting to drive our old friends away, because she wants new ones, but it only brought them closer.
Anyways, read on! Take my advice! Bettie Page has accomplished some of those, and she is doing great!!
(A/N: I did get this in an email from Hannah (AKA sexy bitch) so the last one just refers to emailing and forwarding and blah blah blah..READ ON!!!)
How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair drier at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in."
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream, "I won, I won! 3rd time this week!!!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives; they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity...
20. Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it
to you or asked you not to send them stuff like this.
Now these are the words that all dictionaries should be carrying! But NOOOO they have to have the RIGHT words. WELL, I think I speak for the rest of the world when I say.THESE ARE MUCH BETTER WORDS!!!!!
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist
AND OTHER ONES!!
Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational asks readers to take any word from the dictionary alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and then supply a new definition. Here are the 2001 winners:
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as hillbilly.
3. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid (familiar to all men).
4. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit)
9. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Glibido: All talk and no action.
11. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
And, the pick of the literature:
12. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
And remember kids! The world would not have psychiatrists if it weren't for us!!! BE A PROUD MAD COW!!!!
Please review? PLEASE??!!!
(A/N Special Thanks To Hannah!!!)
Well I've never ever tried to keep my level of complete and chronicle insanity healthy, but some times you just have to try to, right? It's like when you're watching The Pink Panther. You simply can't stop cracking your behind off! Well, same thing with me and my peeps. When you are as crazy as we are, there's no stopping us, no medicine to cure us, no way in HELL to turn our freaky ideas around, AND NO WAY TO STOP US FROM RE-SINGING THE SPICE GIRLS' SONGS!!!
Well, Chrissie was expecting to drive our old friends away, because she wants new ones, but it only brought them closer.
Anyways, read on! Take my advice! Bettie Page has accomplished some of those, and she is doing great!!
(A/N: I did get this in an email from Hannah (AKA sexy bitch) so the last one just refers to emailing and forwarding and blah blah blah..READ ON!!!)
How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair drier at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in."
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream, "I won, I won! 3rd time this week!!!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives; they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity...
20. Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it
to you or asked you not to send them stuff like this.
Now these are the words that all dictionaries should be carrying! But NOOOO they have to have the RIGHT words. WELL, I think I speak for the rest of the world when I say.THESE ARE MUCH BETTER WORDS!!!!!
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist
AND OTHER ONES!!
Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational asks readers to take any word from the dictionary alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and then supply a new definition. Here are the 2001 winners:
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as hillbilly.
3. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid (familiar to all men).
4. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (this one got extra credit)
9. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Glibido: All talk and no action.
11. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
And, the pick of the literature:
12. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
And remember kids! The world would not have psychiatrists if it weren't for us!!! BE A PROUD MAD COW!!!!
Please review? PLEASE??!!!