The Next Slayer

by WolframandHart

After Series 7. Buffy and Faith lost their powers fighting the First Evil. A new slayer has been called - in England. Spike has been sent to fetch her

2. An AMerican Vampire Slayer in London fol...

Lilah (NB:For the purposes of this story, Lilah left LA at end of season 4 and went to London)

Lilah sat down at her frosted-glass desk to check her emails. She'd been working at the ad agency for six months now, and she'd already got her own office.

The directors at McCain loved Lilah. She didn't exactly return the favour, but they were an improvement on her last bosses. And, having human rather than vampire clients, the hours were better, too.

As she was tapping away at the keyboard, the Executive Director popped his head round the door. His name was Tim Cumley. Good looking guy, blonde, late thirties. Probably having an affair with his secretary, thought Lilah. He wasn't the imaginative type. Very ambitious though.

"Hey, Lilah.", he said "Did you hear? Since the Tango ad aired, sales are up 400%. We should all be pretty pleased with ourselves."

He certainly looks more than just pretty pleased with himself, thought Lilah.

"Anyway, just thought I'd let you know. See you at 4".

She shot him a dazzling, suitably impressed smile.

"Of course. Brilliant news!"

She gave him a thumbs up. But, she thought, those ads were a sack of s****. Well, seems the consumer really is that dumb.

When Lilah arrived in London, she had nothing. She'd been a wreck - all her colleagues dead, several broken ribs, and dumped by Wesley.

But she'd pulled a few favours, got herself a place to live, some glowing references from a fictional LA ad agency, and now , here she was, sitting pretty. Ready to put Wolfram & Hart behind her.

She didn't feel that she'd changed, not really. She hadn't suddenly become pure and virtuous. She just wanted to limit herself to the non-supernatural kind of badness, the sort that made you obscenely rich without making you, say, dead. Good old Corporate Whoredom. No demonic ooze, no incantations, and definitely no Apocalypses.

The phone rang.

"Lilah"

Wesley's clipped voice made her shivver slightly. It was strict, with just a hint of self-hatred. She liked that in a man.

"Missing me already?", she asked, lightly.

"This isn't a social call. But I thought I owed it to you to warn you. Drusilla's in London."

"Think she'll be looking me up, huh?"

"Maybe.", said Wesley.

"Aren't you gonna tell me to take care?"

"I wouldn't go that far", he said, and put the phone down. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 04-29-2003 12:53 PM: Lilah was working late. She did all her best work after everyone else had gone home. Not because of the quiet - just, it's harder to rifle through people's offices when they're in them.

She figured that, if the Tango account was doing so well, she should get in on it.

She was elbow-deep in one of her boss's private files, when she sensed someone standing behind her. She whipped round. But not quick enough. She felt cold hands, gripping her bare shoulders from behind, an icy tongue licking at her neck. Lilah kicked and struggled, but she didn't stand a chance.

"Lost lamb has found a new home", said the vampire.

Lilah was thrown onto a sofa. Facing her was Drusilla.

"A glass home, full of lovely lies.". Drusilla giggled and rolled her eyes.

"Hello Drusilla. Good to see you again.", said Lilah, smiling like she meant it.

Drusilla ignored her. She was swaying, her eyes fixed on the ceiling.

"You're above. You're going up up up. And he's making it all happen. There's going to be such a show. Everyone will watch. Everyone will want some of the special things."

She snapped out of her trance and looked at Lilah.

"I like it here. There's...vibration. I saw you here."

"Oh?", asked Lilah, politely. "Did you have a vision?"

Drusilla put her fingers to her lips.

"Shhhhh. Not going to spoil the show."

"What show, Drusilla?"

"Everyone will come to watch. My Spike will be here - but he's buried. Deep underground."

"Who's Spike?", asked Lilah. She'd heard the name somewhere.

"That's what I've been asking Miss Petunia. She didn't know, poor thing. So I ripped out her lungs. Spike was a bad dog but she whipped him and now he's forgotten how to bark."

"Who whipped him?"

"Ohhhh!". Drusilla gasped and clutched at her throat. "She's back. She's coming!"

With a look of panic, Drusilla leapt towards Lilah...and past her, through the open office window, into the night.

Lilah rushed to the window and scanned the street, but the vampire was gone.

She sighed.

Looks like I'm back in the game, she thought. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 04-29-2003 01:10 PM: "Guys, you might want to come and see this", said Buffy.

The Scoobies piled into the kitchen.

"You broke the kettle?", asked Anya, surveying the scene. "So, you're a klutz, that's not exactly front page news.

"I crushed the kettle, Anya. With my bare hands."

"Are you sure?", asked Giles, "Perhaps it was already damaged - the plastic may have been...."

"And an axe", said Buffy, pointing to the bent weapon.

Xander looked Buffy up and down, then grinned.

"Ladies and gentlemen, The Slayer has re-entered the building!"

"Yes. But why?", wondered Giles. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 04-29-2003 01:37 PM: "I think", said Celia, looking at Buffy, "my head may very possibly explode in the immediate future."

Xander patted her reassuringly on the shoulder.

"You'll get used to it."

"Am I still the Slayer?"

"Easy to find out", said Buffy. "Hit me"

Celia swung at Buffy, clocking her on the jaw, lifting her into the air.

"First I say ow", said Buffy, who'd landed on the kitchen counter. "Then I say, yes, you're still Super-Brit. Which doesn't get us any closer to why am I super-Buffy again"

"What about Faith?", asked Xander, "Maybe she's got her Mojo back too."

"I'll try to call her", said Buffy, heading for the living room.

Spike was sipping his tea, quietly.

"Slayers. Like bloody buses. You wait ages for one...."

* * * * *

Buffy's mind was racing as she dialled.

I've only just got used to being Buffy again. Is this a good thing? Who did this to me?

There was no answer from Faith's hotel room. Maybe she'd moved on.

Buffy sat on the sofa, her hands in her lap.

I don't feel any different, she thought.

Spike was standing in the doorway, watching her. A smile played on his face.

"Penny for them", he said, strolling over to the sofa. He dropped down beside her.

"It's so surreal. My mind's feeling kinda non-absorby. When I lost my powers...I have to admit, part of me was relieved. A chance to be normal Buffy. But that stuff with Amy and Ethan. Plus, the Devil turning my sister into a ball of energy. Then, I hated not being the Slayer. Now. God, I don't know."

* * * * * * * * *

Xander and Dawn were sitting on the verandah, on a swinging chair. They were munching on a packet of chips.

"You, me, Giles and Anya. We're the only Scoobies left with no wacky powers", said Xander.

"Yeah", said Dawn. "We're the unsuperheros."

"See! How they destroy evil crisp demons with their teeth!", said Xander, crunching a mouthful.

"Gasp! As they defy gravity by standing up!", said Dawn.

"Hey", said Xander, thinking of something. "Batman didn't have powers. I could be Batman."

"And I could be Batgirl. Without the whole unsightly rubber look"

"Who's gonna be robin?", wondered Xander.

"Well, if Andrew comes back, he could."

Xander shivered.

"A thousand and one no's. When is geek boy coming back, anyway? Not that I want him to come back..."

"Soon. His folks sent him to Switzerland. Health Farm deal.. The thing with the First kinda shook him up"

"That's the kind of health farm where they give you a special coat, huh? And padded walls?"

Dawn laughed.

"Not even. He's not a whacko, just confused"

"Well, as long as he doesn't get "confused" about me, I don't mind", said Xander.

Dawn looked at him innocently.

"Oh, yes! And I definitely won't tell him you've been going on about him, like, all the time."

"I have not!"

"Have!"

"Have not!"

"So have".

"We're SO ending this conversation", said Xander, stuffing a handful of chips down her back.

**********

Buffy was on patrol again. It felt like coming home.

"Vamp at four o'clock!", she called to Celia.

Celia dodged the creature's lunge, whirled round kicked it in the stomach. The vamp flipped over a gravestone, landing at Kennedy's feet. She casually lopped off its head with her axe.

"One down", she said, wiping the dust off her hands.

"Twelve to go", said Spike, as the vamp's buddies appeared out of the shadows of the graveyard.

"Three against twelve", said Celia, "that's..."

"Too much math", said Buffy, as the first vamp attacked.

Spike took on two at once, delivering a sharp kick to the head of one, while staking the other, then knelt to stake the fallen vamp.

"Traitors", a girl vamp hissed at Spike and Kennedy.

"Traitee", said Kennedy, hurling a stake through the vamp's heart, so hard it shot out the other side.

A gawky male vamp was keeping Celia at bay.

"I'm gonna suck you dry, baby Slayer"

"You", said Celia, punching him in the stomach, "are going home in a f****** ambulance".

She staked him.

"Well", she added, thoughtfully, "An ambulance with an ashtray."

Buffy had polished off three vamps in rapid succession.

"Hey, that one's running away", said Celia, "Chicken!"

Buffy sprinted off after him.

"Having fun?", asked Spike, kicking a fat vamp to the ground and jumping on his back.

"It's bracing", said Celia, struggling with a wild-haired girl. The vamp growled at her, trying to get at her neck.

"Chatty one, you've got there", said Spike, staking his vamp.

"I think she's shy", said Celia, "aren't you sweetie?"

The vamp pushed her away, and she fell awkwardly on a tombstone. She felt something go in her back. Oh f***!

The Vamp was on her, she felt its lips brush her neck.

Then a shower of dust fell on her face, and Kennedy was standing over her.

"Can you stand?", she asked, extending a hand.

"Only know if I try", said Celia, taking it. She could just about get up, though her back was twinging nastily.

"You're getting cocky", said Kennedy.

"Isn't she just?", said Spike, proudly.

"That wasn't a compliment", said Kennedy, sternly.

Spike and Celia both looked sheepish.

"You're as bad as each other", sighed Kennedy.

"Who's bad?", panted Buffy, dusting the last remnants of Vampire from her hands.

The others looked at her.

"Jeez! Yet another unusable phrase". __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 04-29-2003 07:19 PM: Spike was watching TV in the basement - some digital BBC channel. It was morning, and he couldn't sleep. An old episode of Neighbours was on. He was really enjoying himself, when a Newsflash interrupted the show.

Bugger, thought Spike. What can be more important than Scott and Charlene's wedding?

"Breaking news", said the Newscaster. "Riots are breaking out all over England. No political groups appear to be involved. Looting is rife, the streets are in Chaos..."

The screen showed thousands of people fighting on the streets of London, breaking into Supermarkets and grocery stores.

Bloody hell!, thought Spike, That was sudden. I was only there the other week!

Then Spike saw a familliar face in the crowd, fighting and laughing and...vamping out.

"Drusilla!", he gasped.

He legged it up the stairs. Buffy was sitting on the sofa, chatting with Xander and Anya.

"Buffy! Drusilla's in England"

"That's nice for her"

"Eating people!"

"Not so nice. Anyway, how do you know?", asked Buffy.

"She was on the telly. On the news. There's riots."

"Panic on the streets of London, huh?", asked Xander.

"And on the streets of Bloody Birmingham. Whole country seems to be out on the streets."

"It's the stiff upper lip thing", said Xander. "When the English blow, they really blow!"

"I knew it", said Anya, angrily."When you had Spike tied up in your basement you made him your sex slave!"

Xander made a face.

"No! So much no! Just, my sentence took a detour to a very bad, and totally misrepresentative, place."

"Yeah", said Spike. "You've got a filthy mind, Anya."

"Thank you", she blushed.

"Leaving English blowing aside", said Buffy."What do you think's going on over there?"

Spike shrugged.

"Dunno. But I think I should head over there. Even if the riots are just, y'know, riots, I think it's time I staked Dru. She's obviously back on her mission to eat all of Europe. Cos, for a slender girl, she can really put it away."

"You can't go alone, Spike"

"Don't trust me with my ex, huh?".

He kissed her, playfully.

"I was thinking more daylight riot issues"

"Oh"

Spike looked disappointed.

"You know your problem, pet? You've got no romance in your soul"

"Huh? I'm not romantic because I'm not jealous of your evil psycho ex- girlfriend?"

"Yeah! A feller might think you didn't care"

Buffy snaked her arms round his waist.

"Spike. You are deeply sick and confused."

He pulled her closer, kissed her on the neck.

"You love it", he said, biting her gently.

Xander coughed.

"There are rooms upstairs, people. Rooms that don't have me in.", he said.

"No no!", said Anya, "please continue. I like watching"

"Please can Giles come back to make everything repressed again?", prayed Xander, clasping his hands together.

***********************

The McCain's offices were deserted. Or so it seemed, as Lilah walked through the corridors. The riots had started late last night, and it seemed no-one else had bothered to come in.

She'd watched all the news coverage last night and made a few calls to underworld contacts - but no-one seemed to know anything. The Home Secretary made a lengthy speech - they showed snippets of it on the news- blaming the violence on political agitators.

But Lilah had been out on the streets, she'd seen how people were behaving. This wasn't politics. It was enchantment. And she had a good idea where it might be coming from.

"I really pick my jobs, don't I?", she muttered, as she paced down the hallway, towards the Executive Director's office.

She pushed open the door. Inside, her boss was sitting cross-legged in a pentagram, surrounded by candles.

"Oh", he said, startled, "I'm just practising some feng-shui...."

"Possibly the lamest excuse since "I was just giving her mouth to mouth"", said Lilah, flicking on the lights. "Now, Tim, you and me are going to have a little chat"

"Really?", said Tim, standing up.

A second later, Lilah had a knife to her throat. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 04-30-2003 07:58 PM: All the Scoobies were assembled in Buffy's living room. It was getting to be a squeeze nowadays - not so bad as when all the Potentials were camping out, but the wrong side of cosy.

"It seems likely that there is a supernatural explanation for these disturbances", said Giles.

Buffy raised her hand.

"May I forward the motion, "Duh!"?"

"Yes, well", said Giles, "I've contacted various friends of mine in England, and they say the riots started very suddenly, and were concentrated in shopping districts - though they have spread"

"So, maybe, evil shops?", suggested Xander.

"Impossible", said Anya. "Shops are places of productivity and harmony"

"Place of Harmony, alright", said Spike. "The bint was never out of the mall"

Giles rolled his eyes.

"In any case, I think some of us at least should travel to England to discover the source of the violence."

"I'll go", said Buffy. "And I think Willow should come too. If it's magic that's causing all the kookiness, then we'll need her."

Willow nodded.

"Celia?", asked Buffy.

"Love to", said Celia.

"And I think I'll be needing Spike, too", said Buffy.

"Yes, he'd be very useful for sexual purposes", sighed Anya.

"Hey!", objected Spike. "I'm not some sex toy"

"No. Just the proud owner of one", said Xander.

"Have you heard from Faith, Buffy?", asked Giles, diverting the conversation.

"No, but I'm thinking, if she did have her powers back too, she would've let us know. I think we should assume the Slayer tally's back to two"

"Hey, cool. Alliterative Buffy!", said Dawn.

"I'm not illterate!", pouted Buffy.

"I'm gonna stay here", said Kennedy, leaning back in her chair. "Mind the Hellmouth and all. Xander, you gonna help me?"

"Sure."

"And I'm going to mind the magic shop. Which is just as important as the Hellmouth, only far more profitable", said Anya, cheerily.

"What about me?", asked Dawn.

"You'll probably get captured and Xander will have to rescue you", said Anya.

Dawn gave her a dirty look.

"Oh, don't worry about it. He enjoys it, makes him feel manly and useful.", said Anya.

"So, are we thinking Apocalypse?", said Xander, ignoring Anya's sniping.

"Can't rule it out", said Willow. "We're kinda due one. Statistically speaking."

"I think we should go soon", said Giles. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-01-2003 05:14 PM: The Scoobies head for Blighty "Have you spoken to your parents? They think you're in Hollywood, right"

Buffy and Celia were sitting together on the plane to England.

Celia nodded.

"I talked to mum just before we left Sunnydale. She's really annoyed about the riots"

"Annoyed?" asked Buffy, surprised.

"Yeh, it means she has to stay in our country house and can't come to town. But dad doesn't mind. Means he gets time off work"

Buffy raised her eyebrows.

"So, you're not exactly from the Bronx, then. Or whatever they have in England instead of the Bronx"

"No, not exactly."

A stewardess interrupted them with drinks.

"I love these little cans, they're so sweet, aren't they", said Celia. "I love Tango"

She took a swig.

"I talked to my friend Olivia as well. She's scared - sort of -but she also says it's really exciting. Nothing ever happens to her, normally, she says."

"Wonder what that feels like", said Buffy. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-01-2003 07:06 PM: "So, you wanted to talk?", said Tim, toying with his knife.

Lilah was tied to a chair in the company's basement, and her sharp-suited boss was leaning against a boiler a few metres away. He looked nervous. Obviously new to the occult game.

Lilah was unfazed by the situation. Threatening employees and tying them up occasionally was practically company policy at Wolfram and Hart

"What spell did you use to enchant the Tango adverts?", she asked.

Tim jumped.

"How did you know?"

She shrugged impatiently- as much as she could in her trussed-up state.

"Previous experience. I assume you were trying to beef up the effect of a frankly appalling campaign"

"You never said it was appalling in meetings!", said Tim, indignantly. "And aren't you forgetting that I'm the one with the knife?"

"Tim, whatever spell you did, I'm assuming the riots weren't part of your plan"

He looked at the ground.

"No. No I didn't mean for that to happen. I just thought people would go and buy more Tango if I added some magical ooomph to the TV ads."

Tim started to pace up and down.

" I wanted to put McCain's on the map, you know?"

"Well, it's gonna be wiped off the map entirely if these riots don't stop soon. And, much as I like a little trouble, I came to England for a comfortable life."

"But I don't know how to stop them."

"Where did you get the spell, Tim?"

"I met a bloke in a pub. Funny looking. He told me how to draw the pentagram, what to say. I had to put the scripts for the ads in the centre of the circle before we filmed them, then I had to..."

Lilah interrupted him.

"I don't need the recipe. When you say funny-looking, what do you mean. Was he a demon?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. He was just rather...warty. Strange growths on his forehead."

"And you didn't stop to wonder why this "bloke" wanted to help you,?"

"Er...no, not really. I didn't believe it would work for one thing."

"Untie me", ordered Lilah.

Tim hesitated.

"I can only stop this if you untie me."

He came over to her and started undoing the knots. When she was free, she lunged, grabbing Tim by the throat.

"You *******! Never try anything like that on me again. Are we clear? Because I don't need your help on this one. You need me, I don't need you. Clear?"

Tim nodded.

"And we can discuss my pay-rise later", she said, letting go, and smoothing down her skirt. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-01-2003 07:56 PM: Buffy and company in London When they arrived in England, Heathrow seemed perfectly normal. It was night time as they trundled their luggage through the arrivals gate.

But the shopping area was fenced off with police tape. And surrounded by armed security guards.

Celia saw a lot of empty cans littered accross the floor - orange Tango, all of them.

"You never told me England was a police state", Buffy said to Giles.

"A recent development, I assure you. Mind you,I'm surprised that the airport's open at all, given the state of it."

"British logic. Different from our earth logic", suggested Buffy. "And governments - well, hey, they're always wacky"

"I'd hardly describe the British government as wacky, Buffy", said Giles.

"No. Just shite", said Spike, appearing from behind them, slipping his hand round Buffy's waist, so it rested on her stomach.

"Nice flight?", asked Buffy.

"Average. You've seen one luggage hold, you've seen em all".

"Where are we going to stay?", asked Willlow. "Cos, we need a base"

"Friend of mine has a place in Hackney. He said he'd come and pick us up", said Giles.

* * * * * * * * *

Giles's friend turned out to be a well-built middle-aged man, driving a People Carrier.

Giles did the introductions - the man's name was Jeremy. They all piled into the van.

"We were at Oxford together", said Jeremy, as they drove off, "until Ripper dropped out. I stayed you see."

"What do you do now?", asked Celia.

"Funnily enough, I run a magic shop", he said. "Though it's strictly books. No nick-nacks"

"I do NOT sell nick-nacks", said Giles, huffily.

Jeremy laughed.

"Still irascible after all these years"

"I've got feeling", Buffy whispered to Spike "that I'm going to need a translator if we're gonna be hanging with Giles's friends"

Spike snickered.

"Who's my little dumb blonde?"

"Who's my little pile of dust?", threatened Buffy.

* * * * * * *

Their drive took them through the centre of London - though they tried to keep to side streets. The main roads were getting too dangerous. Everywhere, they could hear shouting, sounds of breaking glass. Once, they thought they heard a gunshot.

"Bloody hell! Wish it'd been like this when I was bad. Would've been a right laugh."

Buffy pinched him.

"Shut up."

"Er...of course, not finding it funny myself, now", Spike corrected himself.

"It's awful", said Celia. "Look! There's a body, on the steps of the National Gallery. And that man...oh, it's horrible. Those poor people!"

"Always nice to have a local guide", said Buffy.

Injured people were being trampled under foot.

"Aren't we going to get out and help?", asked Celia.

"We're not paramedics, pet", said Spike.

"Any idea where we might look for clues?", Giles asked his friend.

Jeremy nodded.

"There's a little demon bar in Islington, might be just the place. But...you don't mind if I don't join you I hope. I'm not much of a scrapper. That was always more Rupert's scene. I'll drop you all off there and take your stuff back to mine"

* * * * * * * * *

Lilah pushed open the door of The Scream pub. The main bar was empty. But downstairs, she knew, was a different kind of bar altogether.

That part of the pub was heaving. The demons inside had the news on, and the riots seemed to be amusing them no end. They were even placing bets on the death toll.

Lilah weaved her way to the bar unnoticed among the vampires and demons. But then, she didn't exactly give off the most human of vibes.

She nodded to the barman - who looked more or less like a blue Marlon Brando.

"Hi", said Lilah.

The barman sniffed at her.

"What you doing here, meatgirl? Looking to get snacked on?"

"Information", said Lilah, cooly. "On the demon who caused the bloodbath out there. And a scotch."

The blue demon cracked a smile.

"I never eat a paying customer. Well, not until they've finished paying, anyway"

He reached for a bottle above the bar and began pouring her drink.

"Memlock's the demon you're after. Warty type. He's been bragging all over town. Blah blah thousands dead blah. Keeps trying to cadge free drinks off me. Cheeky bugger."

"So", Lilah leant forward accross the bar. "Any idea why he did it?"

"Ask 'im yerself", said the barman.

A tall, warty demon was standing behind Lilah. She took a sip of her drink, and gave him a nod.

"I understand this", said Lilah, gesturing upstairs, "was your doing. I'm impressed."

Memlock grunted.

"Memlock is great. Memlock is mighty", he said, scratching his arse.

"Yeah, I can tell", said Lilah, realizing she wasn't dealing with the sharpest tool in the box.

There's someone else behind this, she thought.

"I'd love to know where you got the idea."

"My idea", grunted Memlock.

"Well mate", said a voice. "It was a BAD idea, whoever had it"

Spike punched Memlock, hard, in the face.

"Timber", he said, as Memlock hit the ground.

The demon crowd parted, with assorted grunts and curses. Then they carried on drinking. This sort of thing was business as usual at The Scream.

"For somone who claims to be mighty, the feller's sure got a glass jaw", said Spike.

He looked Lilah in the eye.

"And now. Who might you be?"

Lilah glanced towards the exit. Discretion was, in her book, always the better part of valour.

But the exit was blocked. By a group of human kids. And a grey-haired man - looked like Wesley's older brother. The blonde girl...was that the Slayer? A fight was breaking out around the group.

"Cat got your tongue?", asked Spike.

Something clicked in Lilah's mind - something in Drusilla's file...

"You must be Spike. I'm Lilah Morgan", she said, offering her hand.

Spike folded his arms.

"Have we met?", he asked.

"No. But I've heard of you."

"Not surprised", said Spike, getting a cigarette out of his pack.

"You got a light? No?". Spike felt in his coat pocket. There was a groan, and Memlock began to come round. Spike kicked him in the head.

"Hey", said Buffy, joining them.

Willow, Celia and Giles were just behind - they'd left a pile of ten or so dead and wounded demons behind them. The rest of the clientele had wisely decided to leave them alone.

"Who's this?", asked Buffy.

"She's Lilah", said Spike.

Buffy looked Lilah up and down.

"I'm guessing you're not here to mingle.", she said. "So, whaddya know about the riots?"

Lilah opened her mouth to answer, but Spike butted in.

"He did 'em". He pointed to Memlock with the toe of his boot.

"I'm sure it's not that simple", said Giles. He glanced at Lilah. A beautiful woman. In a demon bar. Irregular to say the least. He made a mental note to check out her history.

"Is she evil?", Buffy asked Spike, obviously having similar doubts.

"Didn't get a chance to ask her, pet. Are you?"

Lilah was taken aback. All the scooby eyes were on her.

"My name's Lilah Morgan. I work for an ad agency..."

"Must be evil then", said Celia. "I did work experience in one, and they were all absolute c.."

"Language!", growled Spike.

"I was going to say Cads", lied Celia.

"Perhaps we should let Lilah finish", suggested Giles.

She smiled at him.

"Please, continue", said Giles, politely.

"When the riots started, I had a" - Lilah struggled for a word to describe Drusilla's visit - "tip-off. That they were caused by an enchantment."

"You can tell", said Willow. "With the glazed eyes and the mindless violence. So, who's the wiz?"

"One of my collegues. My boss, in fact"

"And he's in league with Bollocks here?", asked Spike.

"Wouldn't say league. Memlock told him how to enchant an advert, to make it more effective. A Tango ad."

"You know when you've been Tango'd", chipped in Celia"

"The spell got out of control, huh?", asked Willow.

Lilah nodded.

"At first, Tango sales rocketed. But then, People started fighting over cans of Tango. Seems to be some kind of desire spell. So I came to find Memlock, to get him to reverse it.".

Lady seems to know a lot about it, thought Spike. If she's on the straight and narrow, then I'm a vegetarian. But all he said was:

"So let's get on it already"

and prodded Memlock with his boot.

"Wakey wakey."

Memlock stirred slowly, opening his yellow eyes.

"Start talking" said Buffy.

"Or I'll kick your skull in", chipped in Spike.

Memlock looked worried. His warty mouth was quivvering, as if he was about to cry.

"He's not very tough, is he?", said Celia, sounding almost disappointed. "Memlock the Mighty. Doesn't do what it says on the tin"

"They said they would give me children", said the demon, hugging his knees.

"Okaaaay. Looks like we got us a random sentence generating demon.", said Buffy.

"Who said they would give you children?", asked Willow

"And - before you say anything - I really do not need to know WHY you want the children."

"I cannot tell you. They would kill me"

"So would I. And I'm here, they're not. So talk", said Buffy.

Memlock shook his head and curled his arms tighter round his scaly knees.

"Who's responsible?", said Buffy, getting ready to pummel the demon til he talked.

"Jesus!", snapped Lilah, "Who cares who's behind it. There's a more pressing situation upstairs. Riots, remember?"

She turned to Memlock.

"Tell us how to reverse the spell. Or I'll rip your tongue out."

She knelt down over the demon, pulled a out a knife.

"The ritual of Paral!", blurted Memlock.

"Ohh, oooh, I know that one", said Willow, excitedly. "Giles, where can we get Asp venom?"

"I know a place."

"Let's go. We'll meet you guys later", said Willow, taking Giles's arm.

"Call me", said Buffy. "I've got my cell. Take care"

She touched Willow's hand, then Willow and Giles hurried away.

"What now?", asked Celia. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-03-2003 08:11 PM: "You two go out there.". Buffy nodded to Celia and Spike. "Keep the demon population from taking advantage of the chaos. I'm gonna stay and have a cosy with Memlock and....where's Lilah?"

Lilah was gone. And Memlock was lying dead, his throat cut.

"Told you she was dodgy", said Celia. "Are we going to follow her?"

"I will", said Buffy.

"But how will we...", began Celia. But Buffy was off through the throng of tipsy demons."...find you?", she finished.

"Worry about that later", said Spike. "I'm sort of more concerned about who's just found us"

"Hello Spike", said Drusilla.

She was standing beside them, a smile on her pale face. She cocked her head to one side.

"You're back. I knew you wouldn't miss the show.". She reached out to stroke Spike's face with both hands. He grabbed her wrists.

"It's not a show, Dru. And I'm here to stop it".

"Who's Dru?", asked Celia.

"Used to be the love of my unlife."

"Well, she mings", sniffed Celia.

"You've brought a pet I see", said Drusilla, "A pretty little kitten. Can I play with her?"

Spike tightened his grip on Dru's wrists. His face was tense.

"No, luv, you can't. And she's not a kitten, she's the Slayer"

"A Slayer", corrected Celia. "Indefinite article. But, different job title, same diff. I'll kill you all the same."

She pulled out a stake from her jacket pocket and faced up to Drusilla.

"Wait, Celia", said Spike.

He still had hold of Drusilla. He could feel her cold smooth skin beneath his hands.

"Spikey can't kill me", said Dru. "I'm his princess"

"Shut up", snapped Spike.

"You're not kind to me", pouted Drusilla. "I'm going to eat your pet".

She shoved him backwards, vamping out, and pounced on Celia. Spike pulled her off, throwing her across the room.

Dru was on her feet in seconds, and out the door.

"Quick!", said Celia, "she's getting away!"

Spike grabbed her arm.

"Wait."

"What for?", Celia looked at him, incredulously."She's right. You can't kill her can you?"

Spike gritted his teeth. He didn't reply.

"Well, I can", said Celia, and ran off after the vampire.

Spike stared into space for a moment.

"You wanker", he said to himself. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-04-2003 11:44 AM: Lilah sheltered in an abandoned clothes shop. She knew the others would follow her, to find out why she'd killed the demon.

Her reason? As always, to cover her back. Just in case anything he said incriminated her. Because, with a past like Lilah's, pretty much any evil plan would link back to her somehow.

Good guys. They're like kids, she thought, always asking why why why. But Lilah knew that "why?" was a dangerous question. She preferred "What's in it for me?".

Lilah made herself comfortable in a changing cubicle, took a few moments to order her thoughts.

Memlock, the riots - it all seemed pointless. But someone had obviously gone to a lot of trouble to set it up. This, thought Lilah, has Diversion written all over it. And I think I recognize the handwriting. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-04-2003 04:53 PM: Of course, there was no sign of Drusilla when Celia got outside. Vampires rule when it comes to buggering off without a trace.

Celia looked up and down the winding alleyway, wondering which way to run.

"Stupid", she muttered. "I shouldn't have waited"

Spike emmerged from the door behind her. He looked like he'd made up his mind about something.

"She went that way". He pointed left down the alleyway. "Come on"

They began to run.

"How're we going to catch up with her?", panted Celia.

"Girl gets distracted easily. She'll stop"

Celia could hear shouts as she ran. Willow's spell obviously hadn't taken effect yet.

Spike was right. When they reached a main road, Drusilla was croutching, wolflike, over a body. It wasn't the only body.

Celia took a second to take in the scene. It was an average North London street. A Kosher butchers on the left, an all night grocers on the right, a mini supermarket a little further along, some trees and a row of Victorian houses.

And an angry, brawling mob, punching, kicking, trampling.

Drusilla's head shot up as they approached. She smiled, and blood dripped down, pooling on her chin.

"I saved you some Spoike", she said.

"Come here, luv", he said. "I've got something to show you"

"Ooooh, you can't fool me", said Dru, wagging her finger. "You only want to slice and dice me. All into dusty clouds, whoosh in the air."

But she walked closer, letting the body fall- a young man, Celia noticed, in a white shirt. Now, a white and red shirt...

"My Spoike said I was his pet".

Drusilla fixed him with her black, crazy eyes. Spike suddenly felt very lost, like there was something he was supposed to do, but couldn't remember.

"But now, see, he's the pet. And I can't save him."

"I don't need saving, Dru", said Spike, grimly. His throat felt strangely tight.

Celia was mesmerised by the scene for a moment. The two dark figures, surrounded by noise and blood and flailing bodies, standing perfectly still.

But only for a moment. She prodded Spike's arm. He jumped.

"What? Oh!" He shook his head.

"You cheeky bint!", he said with a smile "I can't believe I let you..."

Spike sprang at Dru, pulling a stake from his pocket. It pierced her arm as she blocked his attack.

"Oooooh! Bad Spike". she yanked the stake out of her arm. Celia picked it up.

"Wrong, pet. Good Spike.".

He punched her in the face.

"Now!", he yelled.

Celia made her move, but her stake missed Dru's heart by a millimetre. The vampire pushed her away, towards Spike. He caught her.

Dru jumped back, and grabbed a woman from the mob. She snapped her neck, almost absent-mindedly, and began to groan slightly.

"Oh they're singing to me. It's time to be together again. All the little wolfies, all in one place. Grrrrrrr. I can see them now!"

Celia was about to attack again, when Spike held her back.

"It's a vision. Wait"

"They'll take the slayer and make her their hart, she's the third, she'll be theirs. And they'll all be together again, such a party!"

She clapped her hands, excited like a little child.

"But", she added, looking slightly sad, "I think there won't be cake."

"The Slayer?", said Spike, walking slowly towards Drusilla. "Which one, luv?"

"The dark one", giggled Dru. "She's like night inside. It makes my toes tingle"

Spike reached her. Without thinking, he kissed her. She squirmed happily under his touch.

Dru murmured slightly as the stake entered her heart.

"Night luv", said Spike.

And she was gone. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-04-2003 06:43 PM: Buffy gave up on Lilah after running the length of the street. There were so many little alleys. She needed to think more carefully.

On the plus side, the riots seemed to be calming down. Perhaps Willow's spell was working. She got out her cellphone. Giles answered.

"oh, hello Buffy."

"How's the hocus-pokage going?", asked Buffy. "Cos, from here, I'm thinking good"

"Yes, yes, I believe it's working. How about you?"

"Lilah killed the witness. In an evil, something to hide way. Then she disappeared."

"I may have some information on her. Willow's checking something now. You'd better come here, to Jeremy's."

"How? I'm guessing there aren't going to be any cabs around."

"You'd be surprised, Buffy. The London cabbie's a tough breed. But if not, get a map and pinch a car"

"Giles!"

"Needs must, Buffy.I'll see you here soon. 14 Kenmur street"

* * * * * * *

Buffy did find a cab, after all. With a driver that, though apparently in deep shock, was still canny enough to spot Buffy as a tourist, and take her by the longest route possible.

Willow greeted her at the door of Jeremy's house.

"Buff!"

They hugged.

"Hey Will. You did it. The fighting's stopped. Good job!"

Willow shrugged, modestly.

"Just standard counterspelly stuff. Where's Celia? And Spike?"

"Lost them. I went to follow Lilah. Which, by the way, what did you find out?"

"Tell you inside"

Giles and Jeremy were sitting in the living room - which looked more like a library than a living room. A very messy library. Like someone had tried to build a fort out of books.

"Hello Buffy", said Jeremy. "Please, take a seat."

Buffy sat.

"We know who Lilah is", said Giles.

"Oh?"

(NB: dunno if Willow and Lilah meet in season 4. Obviously, I'm assuming they haven't here)

"I spoke to Wesley.", said Willow. "She used to be a Lawyer in LA. Evil Law firm. Supernaturally evil. She's tried to kill Angel a bunch of times, too"

"Way ahead of her there. Only took me the once", said Buffy. "So, what's her deal? Why's she here?"

"She quit Wolfram and Hart", said Willow. "Well, not so much quit as....all her colleagues were slaughtered by an evil beast from hell and she ran away. But same diff. And after that, she wanted to try living a non-demon- oriented life. So she came here."

"And why exactly does Wesley have the inside scoop? Don' t remember his as very Doubleohseveny."

"They were sleeping together", said Willow.

"Exaplains it. But, I thought double-barrelled people only slept with relatives"

"Buffy!", said Giles, appalled.

"Sorry. Long day. Much craziness. Channelling Xanya."

"Anyhow,", continued Willow. "Wes dumped her. For being an evil bitch"

"Go Wes.", said Buffy. "Welcome to the vertebrate community. Thanks", she added, as Jeremy passed her a cup of tea.

"What do you plan to do?", asked Jeremy.

"Now we've reversed Memlock's spell, perhaps you and the others should return to Sunnydale, Buffy. I could stay behind and carry out further investigations."

"Sounds good", said Buffy.

"I wonder if Sunny D's been quiet while we've been away?", said Willow.

Buffy's phone rang.

* * * * * *

London was returning, slowly to normal. The yelling and screaming of the past few days had been replaced with ambulance sirens, and the low babble of conversation, as confused and injured Londoners made their way home.

Paramedics and police came with body bags, taking the dead away. A faint smell of decay lingered.

"They'll be making it into a film by next year", said Spike.

He and Celia were sitting in Leicester Square in the moonlight. Spike was smoking.

"Can I have one?", asked Celia.

"Not bloody likely!"

"Go on. Please! Slayer lungs. Must be tar-resistant. Please!"

"It's not that, pet. Just, I'm all out. Buy your own", he smirked, taking a deep drag.

They sat in silence for a moment.

"Spike. What do you think it meant - What Drusilla said?"

"Hard to say. Some of what she says is just mad bollocks."

Spike paused.

"Said, I mean. But she had the gift. Psychic, y'know."

"What was it...she said the dark Slayer would be...the heart. And something about "they'll be together". Who's They?"

"Nice and vague. That's my Dru."

"And who's the dark Slayer?"

"Sounds like Faith. Which means, she's back in the game. Powers and all"

"Why's she dark?"

"Well, there's the brunette thing. Plus, girl's got a murder or two under her belt."

"Fits the bill."

"Or it could be you. You look innocent, but, who knows".

"I know! Haven't got a dark bone in my body. Why not Buffy?"

"It's not Buffy", said Spike, coldly.

"Okay okay, only saying."

"We should go find her. Buffy. And the others"

Spike got up and dusted himself down.

"I think I've got her mobile number somewhere", said Celia.

"Let's find us a phone box then" __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-04-2003 07:43 PM: Meanwhile in Sunnydale Kennedy was on patrol. She'd already bagged a couple of vamps, and boy had they been surprised. Seemed that word hadn't got out yet about her.

The graveyard wasn't a bad place, thought Kennedy. The grass smelled sweet, and the fresh earth, too - she caught just a tang of blood.

Probably not something I should be thinking about, she mused. But, hell, it's my brain. And so what if I like the smell of blood? Long as I don't go chowing down on people.

Anya, Xander and Dawn offered to come with her. But she said she could do with the alone time. Not something she'd had a lot of since she came to Sunnydale.

And what had happened to her was big.

I mean, I'm dead! How freaky is that.

Or, is it? Is it really that much freakier than being called - if I'd become the Slayer, everything would've changed too.

Sure, sunlight was off-limits. But then, no one can bitch at me for getting up late. Never been a morning person.

Maybe cos I was soulless for such a short time, but not exactly feeling troubled, being soulled-up. I killed people, after I was turned. A whole bunch of people. But that feels distant.

It was the demon, not me. Begging the question, who am I now?

Begging the answer, who gives a shit. I'm me. I'm Kennedy.

And I'm one of the good guys. Past that - I'll leave the identity crises to Buffy. Cos, hey, never going to beat her at THAT game. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-04-2003 10:05 PM: The Unsuperheros "I'm bored" said Anya.

"Only boring people get bored", said Dawn.

"Only smug people get tickled", said Xander, pouncing on her.

They were sitting on the verandah. They were out there more nowadays, after dark - just sitting and chatting.

Not that Sunnydale had gotten any safer at night - but they were used to living with constant danger, and they figured, better eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow, you've got a very good chance of being dead.

"It's nice. Just hanging out, while other people kick butt", said Dawn.

"Who needs a Slayer when you've got a lesbian vampire warrior?", said Anya, brightly.

"Certainly not the porn industry". Xander rubbed his hands.

"I'm not gonna dignify that with a withering put down", said Dawn. "Mostly cos I can't think of one right now."

"Let's go out", said Anya, hopping up. "To the Bronze. I want to meet men."

"Oh, okay", said Dawn. "Xander?"

"Sure, why not? But, er, not for the men. "

* * * * * * *

"I'm in love", said Xander, gazing dreamily in the direction of the dancefloor.

"Who?", asked Anya, craning her neck.

"The blonde chick. With the smile"

"Well, that narrows it down.", sniffed Anya. "And, just a tip Xander, if she likes you, she's a demon."

"Oh ye of little faith. That is the woman who will bear my children.", said Xander.

"Go Xander!", said Dawn.

Xander strolled over in the direction of the dancefloor.

"Have fun with your monster!", said Anya.

* * * * * *

Anya and Dawn were walking home.

"I can't believe he went home with the demon slut!"

"You don't know she's a demon. And, don't mean to be rude, but pot and kettle issues"

"Oh, she's a demon allright. She'll be crunching his bones, soon as she gets him home."

* * * * * * *

Kennedy arrived home to an empty house.

Ahh! Peace and quiet. She went to the fridge for a mug of blood, shoved it in the microwave.

She had some deep scratches on her face - one vamp had been kinda a girly fighter. All nails and hair-pulling. But they were healing fast. She could feel the skin knitting together.

The microwave pinged, and she took the mug - Anya's "I luv the free market" one - up to bed.

Her and Willow had gotten some thick velvet curtains, they didn't let a chink of light through. Kennedy had no desire to skulk around in basements.

She reached under the pillow and pulled out Willow's nightshirt. A very unsexy, flannel thing. But it smelled so good, of Willow's perfume and of her skin.

Perhaps, she thought sleepily, we'll be able to spend some time together NOT fighting evil when she gets back. Touch wood, nothing big'll happen before then...

* * * * * * *

"Come in", said Xander's blonde girl. Jenny.

As far as Xander could tell she was a nice, normal person. No glowing eyes, scales or mandibles.

"Don't mind if I do"

Xander wiped his feet.

"Skip coffee, huh?", suggested Jenny.

Xander nodded.

"A man of few words, aren't you?"

"It's better this way. If I start, I babble. So, you're getting mysterious silent, broody Xander. Except, with me still speaking four sentences later, mysterious Xander has left the building."

"How about I tell you to shut up and kiss me?"

"That works for me"

* * * * * * *

Anya and Dawn didn't see the demon coming. They were only a few metres from the house, happy to be home.

They died instantly, without a sound.

"There", said the creature. "Now we can begin" __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-04-2003 10:52 PM: Back in London Buffy's phone was ringing.

"Buffy. Something's happened. You have to come home."

"Xander? Are you alright? You sound terrible"

"Dawn. And Anya. They're dead"

Buffy didn't answer.

"I came home in the morning. And they were there. Lying on the path. I haven't moved them. The police, they're..."

"How? I don't understand"

"I don't know. I don't know."

"Where's Kennedy?"

"I don't know."

"Could she have....?"

"I don't..."

"Shut up Xander. Just shut the f**** up."

Buffy let her arm fall to her side. The phone cracked in her hand, inside her clenched fist.

* * * * * *

Xander sat on the step, staring at the bodies. They were lying face down on the pebbly path. The stones must be sticking into their faces, he thought.

He felt as if he were looking at himself from a great height. A tiny little man, sitting motionless.

This can't be my life, he thought. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-04-2003 10:57 PM: "Can't get through", said Spike "Her phone must be buggered"

"I might have Willow's number here somewhere. Yeah, here"

She pulled out a slip of paper from her pocket and dialled.

"Hi, Willow?"

Celia was silent for a long while.

"oh", she said quietly, and put the phone down.

"What is it, pet?", asked Spike. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-08-2003 07:33 PM: "I'm sorry baby I'm so sorry"

Spike was holding Buffy. She gripped onto him, her body rigid.

Suddenly she pulled away, a manic light in her eyes.

"Luv?"

Spike reached for her, but she shrugged him off.

"Willow", she said."Take us back. Now"

Willow looked nervously at the others. They were all gathered in Jeremy's living room. Jeremy himself hovered in the doorway.

"Please, Buffy, think about this", said Giles, "teleportation - it's deep magic..."

Buffy didn't let him finish.

"Dawn's dead. Because I wasn't there."

She turned to Willow.

"Do it. Who's coming with me?"

Spike took her hand. Celia took his.

Willow looked at the pain on Buffy's face, and began to chant.

"Willow, don't!", warned Giles.

They vanished __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-08-2003 07:41 PM: Permanent Contract Lilah was in bed. Facing her was a demon - a tall figure in grey robes, with curving horns on his head.

"But I left", she said. "I don't work for you now."

The creature shook its head.

"Oh Lilah. You didn't believe that did you? That you could leave?"

Its voice was deep and cold.

"Lindsay left".

"For the moment. Until we need him"

"Why do you need me?"

The creature smiled.

"You're going back to America" __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-10-2003 11:49 AM: Kennedy was woken by a loud crash. She raced down the stairs to find.....Willow. And Buffy and Celia and Spike, standing amongst a wreckage of tables and chairs.

"Oh. I broke the room", said Willow.

Kennedy ran to her.

"What happened?"

"What? You don't know?", said Buffy, anger rising in her voice. "Dawn and Anya. They're dead. Why didn't you know this? Where were you?"

"I didn't know. Oh Jesus. It's not possible"

Buffy swung at her, but Spike caught her arm.

"Don't"

"Why not? Maybe she did it. She's a vampire"

"Buffy!", said Willow, horrified.

The door opened.

"You're back", said Xander, quietly. He stared at the newcomers.

"Where are the bodies?", said Buffy, grabbing Xander by the shoulders and shaking him roughly. "Show me the bodies."

Xander pointed to the door.

A police siren wailed in the distance.

Buffy ran outside into the bright sunshine.

"Luv, wait I can't...", said Spike. Her reached out to her, through the door, but flinched from the heat and light.

He watched as Buffy stopped, suddenly. The two bodies lay on the path, where they'd fallen. Dawn's arm was bent up at a strange angle.

Buffy knelt down and felt her sister's cheek. It was warm. The sun was beating down on the bodies. Anya's hair was spread out over her face. It looked pretty in the light.

"Buffy", said Spike. He felt helpless. "Please, come here".

Buffy turned to look at him. Her eyes were burning, her skin was flushed. She shook her head, turned away, and began to run.

"Bloody follow her!", Spike yelled, clenching his fists in frustration.

"Buffy!", Celia shouted, and began to run. Xander followed.

He felt strange, as he ran, following the two Slayers. Like his legs weren't his.

Buffy ran, faster and faster. Who did this? They're going to die. Wherever they are. Whoever they are. They're going to die.

* * * * * *

Willow's eyes were glowing black.

"Show me. Show me who did this"

The room glowed with red light. Willow's whole being focussed on one idea.

A shimmery face began to form in the air. Horns, black eyes, a smile like hell itself.

Looks kinda like a sheep, thought Kennedy.

Willow sighed, fell to the floor, and the face disappeared.

Kennedy sat down beside her, took her head in her lap.

"Are you ok?"

She kissed Willow, gently.

"It's under the school", said Willow, sitting up.

"Sewers", said Spike. "Follow me"

"Will you be ok?"

"Sure. Go", said Willow. "There's something I've got to do here"

The two Vampires left her, and she sat down, cross-legged on the floor.

Her mind emptied. She began to feel around in the dark for Buffy's consciousness.

"Buffy. Where are you? answer me!"

There was no reply.

"Celia?"

"Willow? What? Where are you?"

"In your mind. Where's Buffy?"

"Still chasing. Though it's hard to run with voices in your head"

"I'm going to pass you the image of the creature that did this. Give it to Buffy"

"How?"

"Just find her, it'll work, I promise. I have to go"

Willow's eyes snapped open. What had broken her trance?

She realised the phone was ringing.

* * * * * *

Spike and Kennedy splashed through the sewers. Not talking, hardly thinking, moving forward like shadows.

"Here"

Spike stopped.

"We're under the school", he said.

"Where now?"

"Listen"

A faint chanting could be heard, echoing through the sewer.

"That way"

Kennedy followed Spike down a side passage.

* * * * * * *

Buffy stopped running when she reached the Magic Box. Dawn's dead Dawn's dead - it was running round her head like a nursery rhyme, taunting her. It almost made her want to laugh. It was so ridiculous.

Celia arrived a moment later, panting. she'd left Xander behind, he couldn't keep up.

"I know what did it", said Celia.

She touched Buffy on the shoulder.

"Oh. I see it", said Buffy, without looking at Celia. "The school"

"We'll kill it", said Celia.

"You're not coming", said Buffy.

And she knocked Celia to the ground. Then she was gone.

Celia lay on the pavement, dazed. Why did Buffy...?

But she thought she understood.

When she'd touched Buffy, given her the image of the demon, she'd seen a little way into her mind. And it wasn't a pretty sight.

I think she's flipped, thought Celia.

* * * * * * *

Xander doubled back when he realised that he wasn't going to catch Buffy. He ran back to the house. Willow. She'll know what to do.

She met him at the door. Her face was grim.

"Buffy's in danger", she said.

"What happened?"

"Giles called. He's found a prophecy."

Willow looked scared.

"It's Wolfram and Hart, they're going to...Xander, they're going to sacrifice her" __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-10-2003 04:50 PM: Xander stood open-mouthed for a second. Then he laughed.

"Innapropriate much?!", scowled Willow.

"But, don't you see? It doesn't mean anything. Last prophecy about Buffy? . Sure, it came true. But it came untrue straight after. Because of us."

Willow smiled slightly.

"Because of you. Yeah. Maybe we can stop this one too. And, with you doing the mouth to mouth last time, maybe it's my turn. Er, not in a mouth to mouthy way. I mean, for the prohpecy-cheating"

Xander nodded.

"And then we can come back and....", he said.

They stared for a moment at the two dead girls. Willow slipped her hand into Xander's. He gripped it, hard.

"Let's go", he said.

* * * * * *

Buffy and Celia reached the high school. Kids were milling around between lessons.

The two Slayers ran inside, barrelling down the corridors. Buffy's face was like thunder.

Not exactly a buddy-movie moment, thought Celia.

I'm not sure she even realises I'm here.

"Buffy?"

It was principal wood. Buffy didn't stop, didn't even look at him. He caught Celia's arm.

"What the hell happened, Celia?", he demanded. "What's wrong with her?"

"Something killed Dawn and Anya. A demon. Have you seen anything?"

"Oh. No, I haven't. But, can I help?"

"Yes. Evacuate the school. I don't know what's going to happen here. But, from what I've heard, each time there's a fight in school, it gets destroyed. So I'd highly recommend getting everyone out. Before the rubble starts falling. Good luck"

She started after Buffy.

Must try and get her on the athletics team, thought Wood. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-10-2003 05:26 PM: Buffy was alone in the dark. The school cellars were different now.

She could her own heart so loudly, it deafened her.

"I know you're here", she said, drawing out a knife. "You killed Dawn. Now, I'm going to kill you."

A figure came out of the shadows. Lilah.

"I wasn't looking for you", said Buffy. "But...the demon. He's one of yours, isn't he?"

"Other way round. I'm his. Contractually speaking."

"Whatever"

Buffy approached her, slowly, holding out the knife.

"You're upset, I understand", said Lilah. "But I have something that will make everything alright again."

Buffy said nothing, but stalked closer.

"Buffy, we need to..."

Buffy grabbed her by the shirt.

"Funny. I don't feel like Buffy any more", she said, and slipped her knife into the Lawyer's belly.

Lilah crumpled and fell.

"Death is my gift", said Buffy, wiping the blade on her light-coloured pants. She looked for a moment at the red mark.

Then she leant down over the body. Lilah's hand was clenched around something. Buffy wrenched open the fingers

A gold ring sat snugly in the palm. Without thinking, Buffy slipped it on.

She felt power surging through her body. But, she thought, it's not coming from the ring. It's coming from me.

Suddenly, her mind felt clear. The hollow feeling was gone. Dawn was dead, and she didn't care at all.

I'm whole, she thought. I am my power. Dracula was right. I didn't know what was to come.

But now I'm here. I like it.

"Slayer", said the horned demon.

"You're the Ram", said Buffy.

The Ram nodded.

"And soon, you're going to be the Hart. If you wish."

Buffy took his hand.

"Hart me", she said.

"Wolfram and Hart is nearly ready for a merger", smiled the Ram. "And you, my dear, will be a key player. The sacrifice"

"But I'm not going to die, am I?", said Buffy, calmly.

The Ram smiled.

"You're smart. You'll make an excellent partner. No. It's only part of you that is going to be snuffed out."

"My humanity", said Buffy. "Always thought there was something holding me back" __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-11-2003 02:51 PM: The Merger Spike and Kennedy crouched behind a boiler, watching.

"Monks. There's always monks.", hissed Spike. "Why's it never naughty nuns?"

"Human?", wondered Kennedy.

"Nah."

"So, do we kill them?"

"Let's see what they're up to first. I'm guessing its not Hail Marys"

The monks, dressed in red robes, were standing in a circle, hands stretched out before them. Their chant was low, little more than a murmur.

"We will be one. Three will be one, and all the threes will be as one. We will be together"

"Cute", whispered Kennedy.

"And kind of familiar. What was it now...."

Spike frowned, trying to remember where he'd heard this before.

"Yeah! That's it! Dru."

He slapped his forehead.

"The girl was right. Her vision's coming true. It's Wolfram and Hart. They're going for a bloody merger!"

"And?"

"And this isn't your average evil corporation. They've got branches in every dimension. So, they join all those branches together and we're looking at more than serious accounting difficulties."

"Appocalypse", said Kennedy.

"Yup. I reckon the Four Rider's are saddling up right about now". Spike smiled.

Then he remembered the other part of Dru's vision:

"They'll take the slayer and make her their hart"

"

"Oh, bugger"

"What?"

"Buffy. I have to find her."

"Sure", said Kennedy. "Don't worry. I'll whup the monky guys. You go and snuggle your honey"

"I'm NOT going to snuggle."

Spike drew himself up, proudly.

"I'm going to save her"

"Shortly followed by sex?"

Spike gave her the finger, and ran off into the dark.

"Hello boys", said Kennedy, stepping out from behind the boiler. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-11-2003 04:17 PM: Xander and Willow appeared at the door to the school basement. Xander promptly emptied his guts on down the steps.

"Sorry", said Willow. "Emmergency."

They ran down the stairs - avoiding the sick.

* * * * *

"Hey, Kennedy! Catch", called Celia, over the noise of the fight.

Kennedy caught the axe and swung it at a demon monk.

Celia launched herself into the fray.

"Where's Spike?", she called, punching out a demon. "These boys are wimps, aren't they?"

Kennedy nodded, dispatching one with a casual blow.

"Gone to find Buffy. Something about a prophecy"

There was only one monk left. Kennedy grabbed him by his robe. He stared at her with his beady little eyes.

"Now. If you talk, I might let you live. You being just a lowly minion. Of course I might not. So, question is, do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, monk?"

"Like what you did there", chipped in Celia.

"It's too late", gasped the creature. "The great ones will rise, the merger will come."

"We're not at home to mr "too late". How do we stop it?", said Kennedy.

"What're we stopping?", asked Celia.

"The usual."

"Oh. Apocalypse. Silly of me to ask. Sorry, carry on."

"How do we stop it?"

Kennedy shook the monk.

"You must stop the sacrifice. The Hart must not be born."

"And those two sentences connect how, exactly?"

"The birth will follow the sacrifice."

Kennedy snorted.

"Baby showers not enough for you demons, huh?"

"The hart will be born out of a human death", continued the monk, obviously reciting by heart.

"Wish we'd studied HIS religious texts in school.", said Celia. "They sound a lot more fun than the Bible"

"Come on", said Kennedy. "Let's help Spike rescue that damsel in distress"

"Buffy?"

"Uh-huh", Kennedy nodded.

It's always about Buffy, thought Celia. Why does no one want to use me to end the world?

Hmm, on second thoughts, that's not really something to complain about.

* * * * * * *

Buffy was standing in the centre of a pentagram, painted with Lilah's blood, dressed in a white robe.

But she wasn't in distress. She'd never felt this good before. So clear, so pure. She understood everything now.

As the Slayer, she was always alone. Always clinging desperately to others, to try and feel a connection. The Scoobies. Dawn. Spike.

But she couldn't protect them. They were flesh. Flesh dies. That's the way.

She'd died to save Dawn. Love led her to her gift. But the love, it wasn't for her sister.

"Death. You're a little bit in love with it"

She remembered Spike's words and smiled.

Death - it had made her feel whole, finished.

But now there was another way. To become her power. To let the demon in her take over. It was beginning, she could feel it.

Her humanity was draining away, and the world was getting brighter, harder, colder.

"Buffy"

She saw Spike , standing a few metres away, looking at her, horrified.

She smiled at him.

* * * * * * * *

The Ram appeared in Xander and Willow's path.

"Do you want to die now, or suffer in hell when the Merger comes?", it asked. "I always like to give people options", it added.

"Big of you", said Xander.

Willow raised her arms.

"Incendere!"

Flames shot from her hands and licked around the creature.

"Mmm. Roast lamb", said Xander, lifting his axe.

The metal bit into the creature, it yelled in pain.

"They don't make Big Bads like they used to", he said.

"Watch out!", yelled Willow.

The Ram's hoof shot out, knocking Xander into a wall, unconscious.

The creature leapt up, pinning Willow by the throat. She couldn't breathe.

She heard a snap. The Ram bellowed.

"Not so horny now, are we?", said Kennedy, dropping the snapped-off horns and dusting down her hands.

"Sorry, lame. I'm not big with the d**** jokes. Are you ok?". She steadied Willow, holding her gently by the shoulders.

"Think so."

Celia arrived at the scene.

"Xander!"

She rushed to him.

"Do you think he needs mouth-to-mouth?", asked Celia, hopefully.

"I'm fine", groaned Xander.

Celia pouted slightly.

"We have to find Buffy. They're going to sacrifice her", said Willow.

"Reading off the same page as ya, girlfriend", said Kennedy. "i'll follow Spike's scent"

"That's my cute little sniffer puppy", said Willow, stroking Kennedy's arm.

Celia and Xander made a face.

"What?", asked Willow.

"Nothing. Just having bestiality-imagery issues", said Xander.

"Hey, I've just thought", said Celia. "We just killed the Ram. They're trying to kill Buffy to create the Hart. So....Where's the Wolf? Cos it's Wolf-Ram-and-Hart, isn't it?"

"Um. My first guess is...behind you!", yelped willow.

A giant, snarling demon had appeared, only metres away from the Scoobies.

"Good doggy", said Xander.

"You think I've never heard that one before?", growled the Wolf.

Celia attacked, slicing at the demon with her dagger. The Wolf batted her away with it's paw, grinning with all its sharp, evil-looking teeth.

Willlow unleashed a bolt of energy, catching the creature full on the chest, blowing it backwards.

But it wasn't anywhere near dead.

Xander ran at it, yelling, and buried his axe deep in its skull.

The Wolf collapsed, with a whimper.

"Ha!", said Xander.

"Nice one!", said Kennedy.

"It's just like a fairy tale", said Celia. "You know, honest labourer bloke kills the wolf."

"Hey! I happen to be a successful businessman", said Xander.

Anya should be here to mock me for that, he thought. But now wasn't the time for...well, for thinking.

"We need to find Buffy", he said. "Stop the sacrifice".

The Scoobies set off through the tunnels, Kennedy in the lead.

* * * * * *

Buffy was standing perfectly still.

"Have they hurt you, luv?"

Spike didn't like the expression on Buffy's face. Not one bit.

"No-one can hurt me. It's coming. The Merger. The other two are dead. But I don't need them. I am everything."

"Oh. It's like that is it?" Spike bit his lip. "Sis is dead, and now you're going over to the dark side?"

Buffy held out her hand, showing him the ring.

"I'm going to end the world"

"Willow's already tried that one", said Spike. "Pick a new project, pet"

Buffy threw back her head and laughed.

"Evil laughter now? Thought you had more taste."

"No. That's the thing. I know why they laugh now. I've seen the joke"

"Well, no need to share it with the class, luv. I've figured it out. The sacrifice - metaphorical, right? They're going to turn you into a demon, use you to merge the dimensions. Bring an Apocalypse."

"Yes"

"Well, what's in it for you?", asked Spike.

"Peace", said Buffy.

"You're going to end the world because you want a bit of peace and quiet? Christ! I always knew you were quirky, but that really takes the sodding biscuit"

"I feel free. Nothing can touch me"

"You're saying that like its a good thing, pet."

Buffy didn't answer for a moment. She touched the ring on her finger.

"This is changing me. Bringing out my true self"

"Which is...?"

"Darkness."

"Bollocks"

Buffy raised an eybrow.

"You're going to stop me with bad language? You're pathetic."

"Look, Buffy. Let me tell you about magic rings. Someone gives you one - it's not for your own good."

"The Ram's dead."

"Come on, he's not the boss. The boss never does the grunt work. That ring belongs to someone else. Someone you don't wanna meet. Let alone spend eternity with. Whoever it is organising this Merger, he doesn't want your happiness."

The slightest hint of doubt appeared on Buffy's face.

"I love you", said Spike, walking towards her.

"You think you can talk me down? Like Xander did with Willow?"

"No, luv. I'm just telling you the truth. I love you. But If you go through with this, I'm going to kill you. Because you won't be Buffy any more . You'll be - and I'm gonna use your own words here, pet - a horrrible, disgusting thing. A Monster."

"That's not true. I'm not going to be a vampire."

"No. Something much worse."

"Nothing's worse than being human. It's nothing but pain."

Spike came closer. He touched her arm. Energy crackled around his hand. It hurt.

"There's this", he said, and kissed her.

Buffy felt the world swirling into confusion. The pain was rushing back, the stab of Dawn's absence, the guilt, Anya's face, her mother's, a line of dead faces flashing in front of her face.

But then, behind all that, Love.

She pulled away slowly - and she smiled.

"Yes", she said. "There's that"

And she stepped out of the circle.

* * * **

"Why didn't I try that", said Xander, from the other side of the room.

"Maybe, cos I don't fancy you? With the you've got a penis issue", said Willow.

Spike and Buffy stood close to one another.

"Is it over?", asked Celia.

As if in answer, there was a roaring sound, and a portal began to open.....

__________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-14-2003 08:00 PM: The portal was tiny at first - it hung like a blue firefly in the air.

Buffy cried out. She felt as if invisible hands were tugging at her, pulling her back into the circle.

Spike grabbed her, but a shock ran through his body, he couldn't hold on.

"Buffy, what is it?", cried Willow.

"Oh God", said Buffy. Her skin began to glow.

"It's happening. It's coming.....They're coming."

"Who's coming?", asked Celia.

"Probably not a question you want to know the answer to", said Kennedy.

Buffy screamed. Her arm jerked up, involuntarily, and a beam of light shot out of the ring on her finger.

"The ring", said Spike. "Bloody thought so. Red. Can you get it off her?"

Willow shook her head.

"I can feel it's...it's part of her now."

"Portal's not getting any smaller", said Kennedy.

The blue dot had grown to the size of a football. Through it you could see dark shapes.

"Buffy, can you hear me?", said Spike.

"I am not Buffy. I am the Hart."

"Oh. Balls"

Spike tried to think. There must be a way out. There had to be.

"Buffy!", Xander cried. "Willow, why can't you do something?"

"No Xander. She's linked to the portal. She'll die"

"Bingo", said Spike. He turned to Buffy.

"Sorry luv. This might hurt a bit"

He threw himself at her. The other Scoobies watched in horror.

He's going to kill her, thought Xander. After all this he's going to kill her.

Spike grabbed Buffy's hand. And bit down hard.

The roaring stopped. Buffy sagged into his arms. And the portal snapped shut. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-15-2003 06:09 PM: Spike sank to his knees, cradling Buffy in his arms.

There was silence in the cave, for a moment.

"Buffy?", said Spike, almost in a whisper.

She didn't answer. Her breathing was shallow, her head lolled back in his lap.

"She's alive", he said. "Just"

"No thanks to you", snapped Xander, kneeling over Buffy. He held her wounded hand in his.

"Were you in a different Apocalypse?", said Kennedy. "He just saved her."

Spike smiled, grimly, stroking Buffy's hair.

"I'm here", he said.

"Is that really Buffy?", asked Celia.

She didn't want to put a dampener on things, but hadn't Buffy just been a demon five minutes ago?

"I think so", said Willow, looking at her friend's face. "I felt something...leave."

"We've got to get her to a hospital", said Spike. "She's losing blood, fast"

He glanced at her hand.

"Sorry luv. I had to"

He bent and kissed her on the forehead.

"Let's get out of here", said Celia.

Xander looked at Willow.

"And can we make that the one-foot-in-front-of-the-other way"

Willlow nodded.

"This way", said Kennedy. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-15-2003 07:01 PM: Buffy was sitting at the kitchen talbe at home, a bandage round her hand. The hospital hadn't found anything wrong with her, apart from her missing finger. "Dog bite" was pronounced, and she was sent home.

But she felt very drained.

The Scoobies sat round the table with her, drinking coffee. No one was talking much. Spike was sitting slightly apart, smoking. He still felt out of place here, in this nice suburban house. Even though it was Buffy's house.

Perhaps because it was Buffy's house. She wasn't the sort of woman to make a feller feel cosy and homey.

That's why I love her, he thought.

"Can we get pizza?", asked Celia, just to break the silence.

Buffy began to cry. Quietly at first.

"Hey". Spike came close to her and slid his arms round her shoulders.

Sobs shook her body, her thin shoulders quivvered.

"Buffy?", said Willow. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry."

"They're dead. They're really dead.", said Buffy, tears streaming down her face.

"And you're here", said Xander. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-15-2003 07:57 PM: They buried Dawn and Anya the next day. It had been raining, and the grass of the cemetry was fresh and soft.

The Police had had all sorts of questions. But Willow took them aside, and...talked to them. They soon went away, with an unshakeable belief that the deaths were accidental.

Buffy,Celia, Willow and Xander walked together behind the coffins. They were to be buried side by side, near Joyce's grave.

Dawn's friends from school were there - Buffy hardly recognized any of them.I knew so little about her life, she thought.

Principal Wood was there too, standing quietly by the graveside.

No-one came for Anya. She only had us, thought Xander. He looked down at her coffin. How can someone that alive be gone?

"Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust"

Why is that the only part I ever seem to notice? thought Buffy. I've been to enough funerals.

She threw a handful of earth onto her sister's grave.

"She can't have known", said Xander. "The meds said she died instantly. We were...she was happy"

He put his arm round Buffy's shoulder.

"I hope so. I wish I'd been there for her. I don't just mean to save her. I mean...I gave her so little."

"You're forgetting your incredible Christyness - you gave her your life, Buffy."

"While she was alive, I mean."

"You loved her. That's enough"

Buffy began to cry.

"I miss her so much"

Buffy lay her head on his shoulder.

* * * * * * * * * *

"How're you holding up?", said Kennedy.

She and Spike were sitting in the Summers' kitchen, a bottle of bourbon between them. Since they couldn't go to the funeral, they thought they'd start the wake early.

They were drinking out of mugs. Seems to take a lot to get me drunk, now I'm dead, thought Kennedy. But she was getting there.

Spike shrugged.

"Let's talk about something else, shall we?"

"British, much? Don't like talking about your feelings, huh?"

"Not much, no"

"Suits me. But I thought I should ask, y'know, check you were ok"

"I'm ok. Not drunk enough though. Gotter get much drunker."

"Spoken like a man who's truly a-ok"

"It's the little bit. They're putting her in the ground. I'm, what, ten times her age. And I'm sitting here. And she's not. And Anya. Didn't know the lady all that well.."

"'Cept in the Biblical sense, I hear"

Spike ignored her.

"...but she was a good person. Well, when she stopped eviscerating men, she was. A nice lady. Said all the wrong things of course. Put people's backs up, like. But she stirred things up. Made people see stuff"

He took a swig of his whiskey.

"And Buffy's cut up real bad"

"But not end-the-world-metamorphose-into-a-demon-bad, right?"

Spike smiled.

"Nah. Don't think so."

He poured himself and Kennedy another drink.

"S'still a lot I don't get", she said. "Like, how come Buffy got her powers back in the first place? But, you know what? I think I'll leave all that crap up to Willow. She's the brains in this outfit"

"And what're you, then, Kennedy?"

"Got other skills"

Spike raised an eyebrow.

"Care to elaborate?"

"Not to you, mate."

"Ah well. Cheers."

They clinked glasses. __________________

I think this line is mostly filler

Posted by WolframandHart on 05-16-2003 08:42 PM: Wake "I'd just like to say a few words. About what's happened. But also about what comes next.", said Buffy.

Everyone was gathered in the kitchen after the funeral, drinking and talking. A hush descended on the room.

"Wolfram and Hart killed my sister and my friend. I still can't grasp that they're gone....It just keeps hitting me"

She paused a moment.

"But I'm not going to look for revenge. That's not what we're here for."

There was a flash and a bang. And Giles was standing in the kitchen. On the table.

"Er, hello", he said. And promptly fell onto the floor.

"Spoil my big speech why dontcha!", said Buffy, helping him up.

"You're alive!", gasped Giles. "The coven sent me here... I thought the world was ending...I thought you were dead! what happened to the prophecy?"

"Very briefly true. Guess it had a short expiry date", said Buffy.

"Thank God".Giles hugged her

"Thank Spike, actually", said Xander. "Much as it pains me to say this, bleach Brit over there brought her back from the Unscooby side of the force."

Spike grinned.

"What can I say? I'm a good snog."

"I turned into a demon", explained Buffy. "But I changed my mind. Epihany deal."

"Demon? Oh, what kind?", asked Giles, eagerly - his academic curiousity was obviously taking over.

"Dunno.",said Buffy. "Didn't stop to look myself up. Kinda busy trying to merge a few billion dimensions."

"She was the Hart",said Willow.

"From the folks that brought us Wolfram and", added Xander.

"Spike bit her finger off", added Celia.

Giles winced.

"Hey, I was helping!", objected Spike.

"It was a whole gollum thing", said Xander.

Spike glowered at him.

"Only, not with the evil and the webbyness."

"She had this ring", said Willow. "It was making it all happen. The Merger."

"No, Willow. I was making it all happen. At first, anyhow."

"Why, Buffy?", asked Giles, seriously.

"I lost it. I lost myself I guess. The grief...I killed someone Giles. I killed Lilah."

Buffy hung her head slightly.

"Feeling TOTAL sympathy here", said Willow. "Um, though, not condoning the murder, but...when you have power, it's so easy to let it control you."

Buffy nodded.

"And when that happens, it's not power anymore", she said.

"It's just violence. I thought, by becoming my power, accepting the dark bit of me and pushing away everything else - I thought it would make everything easy. Make the pain go away. And, you know what? It did. Everything was clear. It felt right. It didn't matter that Dawn was dead. Because I didn't need anybody. But then, with the kissing...."

Buffy trailed off.

"I felt warm again. Inside"

Buffy realized too late how that sounded.

"This is getting kinda PG", said Xander. "Not sure Celia should be hearing about you and Spike getting hot and sticky"

"I don't mind", said Celia, placidly. "It's not like I've never seen porn before."

"How?"asked Giles, "did the conversation move from spiritual epiphany to porn? In under a minute?"

"It went via Xander", said Kennedy.

"Hey! It was Celia brought up the P word"

"Stoppit people! Do I have to get schoolmarm on you?", asked Willow.

"Yes please miss", smirked Kennedy.

"You are all perfectly ridiculous.", said Giles, crossing his arms.

"I think that's British for "I love you guys"", said Xander.

"Doesn't anyone want to hear about my epiphany?", pouted Buffy. "It was all moving and life-changey"

The Scoobies looked sheepish.

"Go on, luv. You've got the floor", said Spike.

"Nah. I'll save it for the long winter evenings", she said. "But, I'll say this. Things are different now. Seems weird to say this at a wake. But I know everything's going to be ok. I know I'm not alone."

"You never were, Buffy", said Xander.

"I know. But, I'm kinda unobservy like that. So, finally. I know. We're all in this together."

"I'll drink to that luv", said Spike.

"You'd drink to anything", smiled Celia.

"Hey! Your watcher here remember?", said Spike. "Bit of respect!"

Celia raised an eyebrow. Spike slapped himself on the forehead.

"I can't believe I was just trying to pull rank there!Christ! Glad I killled Drusilla so she didn't have to see this. She'd be appalled. I mean, I'm a sodding anarchist!"

"You've become a cog in the wheels of the patriarchal establishment", said Willow, taking a handful of chips.

"Kill me now", groaned Spike.

"Is that an order sir?", asked Celia.

Spike gave her a very menacing look. Then he smiled again.

"Yeah. Well. Seems things are different. The Slayer gig - it's a destiny made for two, nowadays. And we're not just backup any more. Like Buffy says. We're all in this together."

Spike looked around the Scooby circle.

"But if anyone so much as hints at a group hug, I'm going to bite them."

THE END (for now) __________________

I think this line is mostly filler