::Neither Do I::
A/N: I am not sane. I converted this from an original fiction into a Matrix Twins fic because I felt that it fitted waaay too well, thanks to the two warring Muses in my head at the moment. Non-slash (though here the line is so fuzzy it's a bloody ocean), so see it as you will. Set just as the Twins go into Exile... Don't kill me, please.
*
Go away. Go away. Just go away and... And stay with me. I cannot take it. Stay with me. I need you by my side, before the loneliness turns into fear. Trepidation. Pain. Mindlessness. I know I am capable of that. All of that. I feel you by me, whispering silent words of comfort and lies. Silent lies about who we are, what we will be. How this is all going to be... Fine. All right. Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. Get away from me. Leave me alone. Don't leave me to the sacrilege that the darkness and death will perform. Stay.
'Get away from me!' Screaming. That is all I can do. Bitter anguish. Tears and laughter mingle. Why taunt me? Why stay by my side? Flesh and blood and something else. Just twins. Just bound together for an eternity that I, that we cannot see. What are you doing to me? What am I doing to you? I can hear you. I can hear you. I can hear you. I can hear you. Can you hear me too? I know you can. You linger, like dying flame, beautiful and terrible as the dawn and night. Mingling. Sitting there on the edge of the bed, posture as casual as is possible and that knowing, infuriating smirk on your pale face. You blind me. Liar. Go away. Leave me alone. I am not yours. I am not mine. I am not anyone's. Get away. Leave me be!
'You know you're just making things worse for the both of us. Calm down.' Your words are like silken material, sliding over my conscience and form. I stare at you with narrowed eyes even as I settle down on my own bed, helpless to your command. I hiss, words slipping somehow through my teeth in a gush of muted air.
'Damn you.'
You smirk wider, if sanely possible. Leave me alone. Please, please just go away. Don't leave me alone. Don't let me slip away. I cling onto you even as I push you away. This is madness. Stupidity. You, me, everything surrounding us in our own miniature world. Sacrosanct. Untouchable. I have no privacy. I have no secrets. You stand by me, a terse, inarticulate figure hovering over my shoulder. I try to flee, but your collected, almost timed footsteps echo resolutely next to mine, never out of time. Identical, just as we are. You and me. Mirrors. Reflections. Yet so different.
'Violence results in futility.'
The desolation screeches like a wraith in the dark. I slip into the comforting embrace of your hold, crying, ripping into pieces things best left untouched, yet never moving in my internal solitude and barren mindset. I can never slip into sleep. I never sleep. I am a machine. A machine running on the fuel of death and the scent of blood. You laugh quietly, your presence almost melting into mine, the soft syllables of your lilting tones dissipating into the fake, artificial air. I tighten my grip around you, knowing that in some discreet way you are as ever older than I, but knowing for reality that we are the same. Twins. Is there any difference between the two of us? As if reading my secret guilt and massacre of self-confidence, you dip your head slightly, dropping more comforting, but meaningless, words next to my ear.
'We are different, even though no one seems to acknowledge it as such. No one knows. So is the Matrix. We aren't alive, brother.'
'Take to your death the ironicy of your words and leave me to my misery if so you should wish. You should be mourning our purpose as much as I am.'
'I have and I am.'
'Liar. Blatant fraudulancy so much so that you dare say this to me. How could you? I feel your every thought and action. We are as we are. You feel... nothing.'
'I was never programmed to feel anything.'
'Neither was I. We are not... human. Not humane. This feels... so strange. Almost... emotion?'
But you do not care. You do not feel what I am feeling, even though I know you could. I know you can. I know you will. We are, after all, the same. Yet different. So different. Your unfazed attitude does not wave as you fall silent in the darkness, just offering wordless comfort, almost as... As a human sibling would... How could it be possible?.
I begin to feel the ennui of the night wearing upon myself, and my drooping eyelids fight a battle with my consciousness for release from the mental madness. Amused, you pull the covers over my shoulders as I shiver. You know it's not for the cold. The melancholia that hangs about me is almost tangible in comparison to your ever smooth and unflappable countenance. I hate myself. I hate this dementia warring about me. You place your head on my shoulder in a futile attempt to soothe away the desperation.
Then you dematerialize into nothingness.
I go into withdrawal, wordless lunacy and rejection.
Damn you! Come back. You can't leave me here. You can't turn away. You can't. Not now. Not ever. Not leaving me alone in this black hole. Come back. Please, go away. Go. Stay. Don't abandon me. Stay. Please.
My whimpers of a twisted form of dementation flit innocently through the air as I close my eyes against the darkness. Close my eyes against the truth.
You are not there. You do not exist. You are a hollow rendition of all I could ever hope for. Company. Assurance. Guidance. Solace.
Mindlessness. Blankness. The feeling of floating, utter nothingness.
And I realize you have given it to me. However indirectly.
I accept your gift. You, as always, composed, steady was of showing concern.
My salvation beckons.
Madness. Lunacy. Dementia. Delirious. Irrational. Maniacal. Psychotic. Unhinged. Enraptured. Fanatical. Some febrile reaction in my mentality. Frenetic possession of everything I care about. My mind. My ideas. My function. My purpose.
Gone.
Everything gone.
Just white.
Black.
Dark.
Cold.
Ice.
Bright.
Nothingness.
Expanse.
Rhythm.
Everything.
You gave me salvation. You gave me peace. You gave me nothing.
Erratic mindset. Erratic life. Erratic.
E....
What?
I laugh.
Madness.
Just who survives without it?
Not me.
Not you.
Twins.
Twined.
Ironic.
You do not exist.
In some ways, neither do I.
Neither do you.
Neither does anybody.
Not me.
Not you.
Not them.
Not us.
Neither do I.
Neither do I.
Neither do I.
Ha.
Ha.
Ha.
Neither do I.
Neither do I.
There.
I am not here: I am gone.
Neither are you: You will come with me.
Even though...
You do not exist.
Neither do I.
Footnotes: The Attack of the Muses. Current score: Glorfindel 1, 'Atce 1, Twins 9999. You see a subtle difference?
A/N: I am not sane. I converted this from an original fiction into a Matrix Twins fic because I felt that it fitted waaay too well, thanks to the two warring Muses in my head at the moment. Non-slash (though here the line is so fuzzy it's a bloody ocean), so see it as you will. Set just as the Twins go into Exile... Don't kill me, please.
*
Go away. Go away. Just go away and... And stay with me. I cannot take it. Stay with me. I need you by my side, before the loneliness turns into fear. Trepidation. Pain. Mindlessness. I know I am capable of that. All of that. I feel you by me, whispering silent words of comfort and lies. Silent lies about who we are, what we will be. How this is all going to be... Fine. All right. Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. Get away from me. Leave me alone. Don't leave me to the sacrilege that the darkness and death will perform. Stay.
'Get away from me!' Screaming. That is all I can do. Bitter anguish. Tears and laughter mingle. Why taunt me? Why stay by my side? Flesh and blood and something else. Just twins. Just bound together for an eternity that I, that we cannot see. What are you doing to me? What am I doing to you? I can hear you. I can hear you. I can hear you. I can hear you. Can you hear me too? I know you can. You linger, like dying flame, beautiful and terrible as the dawn and night. Mingling. Sitting there on the edge of the bed, posture as casual as is possible and that knowing, infuriating smirk on your pale face. You blind me. Liar. Go away. Leave me alone. I am not yours. I am not mine. I am not anyone's. Get away. Leave me be!
'You know you're just making things worse for the both of us. Calm down.' Your words are like silken material, sliding over my conscience and form. I stare at you with narrowed eyes even as I settle down on my own bed, helpless to your command. I hiss, words slipping somehow through my teeth in a gush of muted air.
'Damn you.'
You smirk wider, if sanely possible. Leave me alone. Please, please just go away. Don't leave me alone. Don't let me slip away. I cling onto you even as I push you away. This is madness. Stupidity. You, me, everything surrounding us in our own miniature world. Sacrosanct. Untouchable. I have no privacy. I have no secrets. You stand by me, a terse, inarticulate figure hovering over my shoulder. I try to flee, but your collected, almost timed footsteps echo resolutely next to mine, never out of time. Identical, just as we are. You and me. Mirrors. Reflections. Yet so different.
'Violence results in futility.'
The desolation screeches like a wraith in the dark. I slip into the comforting embrace of your hold, crying, ripping into pieces things best left untouched, yet never moving in my internal solitude and barren mindset. I can never slip into sleep. I never sleep. I am a machine. A machine running on the fuel of death and the scent of blood. You laugh quietly, your presence almost melting into mine, the soft syllables of your lilting tones dissipating into the fake, artificial air. I tighten my grip around you, knowing that in some discreet way you are as ever older than I, but knowing for reality that we are the same. Twins. Is there any difference between the two of us? As if reading my secret guilt and massacre of self-confidence, you dip your head slightly, dropping more comforting, but meaningless, words next to my ear.
'We are different, even though no one seems to acknowledge it as such. No one knows. So is the Matrix. We aren't alive, brother.'
'Take to your death the ironicy of your words and leave me to my misery if so you should wish. You should be mourning our purpose as much as I am.'
'I have and I am.'
'Liar. Blatant fraudulancy so much so that you dare say this to me. How could you? I feel your every thought and action. We are as we are. You feel... nothing.'
'I was never programmed to feel anything.'
'Neither was I. We are not... human. Not humane. This feels... so strange. Almost... emotion?'
But you do not care. You do not feel what I am feeling, even though I know you could. I know you can. I know you will. We are, after all, the same. Yet different. So different. Your unfazed attitude does not wave as you fall silent in the darkness, just offering wordless comfort, almost as... As a human sibling would... How could it be possible?.
I begin to feel the ennui of the night wearing upon myself, and my drooping eyelids fight a battle with my consciousness for release from the mental madness. Amused, you pull the covers over my shoulders as I shiver. You know it's not for the cold. The melancholia that hangs about me is almost tangible in comparison to your ever smooth and unflappable countenance. I hate myself. I hate this dementia warring about me. You place your head on my shoulder in a futile attempt to soothe away the desperation.
Then you dematerialize into nothingness.
I go into withdrawal, wordless lunacy and rejection.
Damn you! Come back. You can't leave me here. You can't turn away. You can't. Not now. Not ever. Not leaving me alone in this black hole. Come back. Please, go away. Go. Stay. Don't abandon me. Stay. Please.
My whimpers of a twisted form of dementation flit innocently through the air as I close my eyes against the darkness. Close my eyes against the truth.
You are not there. You do not exist. You are a hollow rendition of all I could ever hope for. Company. Assurance. Guidance. Solace.
Mindlessness. Blankness. The feeling of floating, utter nothingness.
And I realize you have given it to me. However indirectly.
I accept your gift. You, as always, composed, steady was of showing concern.
My salvation beckons.
Madness. Lunacy. Dementia. Delirious. Irrational. Maniacal. Psychotic. Unhinged. Enraptured. Fanatical. Some febrile reaction in my mentality. Frenetic possession of everything I care about. My mind. My ideas. My function. My purpose.
Gone.
Everything gone.
Just white.
Black.
Dark.
Cold.
Ice.
Bright.
Nothingness.
Expanse.
Rhythm.
Everything.
You gave me salvation. You gave me peace. You gave me nothing.
Erratic mindset. Erratic life. Erratic.
E....
What?
I laugh.
Madness.
Just who survives without it?
Not me.
Not you.
Twins.
Twined.
Ironic.
You do not exist.
In some ways, neither do I.
Neither do you.
Neither does anybody.
Not me.
Not you.
Not them.
Not us.
Neither do I.
Neither do I.
Neither do I.
Ha.
Ha.
Ha.
Neither do I.
Neither do I.
There.
I am not here: I am gone.
Neither are you: You will come with me.
Even though...
You do not exist.
Neither do I.
Footnotes: The Attack of the Muses. Current score: Glorfindel 1, 'Atce 1, Twins 9999. You see a subtle difference?