THE GROCERY STORE
"Freeze you perverted sack of shit!" The police officer said holding his gun directly aimed at Brennan's head.
"What the hell did I do?" Brennan said throwing his hands up over his head.
"Slowly and I mean slowly drop to your knees and lay flat on your stomach, hands behind your head" the officer shouted.
"Boy you make my sick. If it wasn't against the law I would drop you right here in front of all these kind folks as a lesson," the man yelled in Brennan's ear.
Brennan just stood there pondering what he had done. He thought he was innocent for once.
Earlier That Day.
Brennan felt like a dumb ass as he entered the grocery store. He had never shopped in his life. Most of his clothing was gifts from female admirers. How dare Shalimar ask him to go to the store and pick up maxi pads! If she wasn't sick he would of declined. He would never understand why Emma couldn't do this for Shalimar. His mind pondered back at the conversation earlier that day.
Back At Sanctuary.
"Damn it Shalimar this has to be the most embarrassing thing anyone has ever asked. Why can't you ask Emma or can't you order some online or something?" Brennan said perturbed.
"Brennan, I need them NOW I am bleeding profusely." Shalimar said with her stuffed up nose.
"I can't ask Emma because she hasn't started her period yet, I would make her feel foolish" said Shalimar.
"Oh don't worry about poor Brennan looking foolish" Brennan spat.
"You do a damn good job of that on your on!" she growled.
Shalimar's eyes shot feral. He knew this wasn't the time to fuck with her. She usually was a bitch but he knew not to push his limits around the middle of every month.
Back At The Grocery Store.
Brennan was confused as he read the signs over each isle. He figured what Shalimar was looking for was under the "napkins" department but came up short handed when the whole lane was full of paper products.
"God, this is so embarrassing. Shal better give me a piece of ass next week after this is all over and done." Brennan thought with his head down low.
He paced each isle frantically till he knew for sure he had paced down each isle at least twice. WHAT THE HELL why couldn't he find them. He was so nervous. He wiped his sweaty palms onto his jeans. He could feel the sweat bead-up on his forehead.
"Shal? Shal?" No response from her comlink. She must of fell back asleep.
That was it. He approached a middle-age lady shopping with her children. Not giving the women eye contact out of shame he tapped on her shoulder.
"I am sorry miss, this is so embarrassing, you see my girlfriend sent me to pick up her..well..i mean.I can't locate.." he just couldn't spit it out.
"Sir" the women said as he started to storm off.
"You want to go to the isle marked feminine products," she said smiling at Brennan.
Brennan just knotted with appreciation as he put his hands in his pockets and walked off at a quick pace.
Forty-Five Minutes Later.
"At last he stumbled across 'Feminine Hygiene' products. By now he was back to his usual stud self. He had stopped sweating over a half over ago.
When he realized there was a whole isle on feminine care he was instantly filled with rage. "Damn it, how could I miss this whole selection and what the hell brand do I pick." He screamed out loud. If he didn't pick the right brand Shalimar would make him come back and he would suffer this humiliation all over again.
"AHHH DAMN IT" he screamed punching stacks of pads and tampons off the shelf. He ended his fit of madness with a swift kick to a tampon display.
A lady was passing with her cart and she stopped in the middle of the isle to stare at him.
"Shows over lady, get the hell out of here" Brennan said pacing with his hands over his head.
The women gave him a shit look and hurriedly pushed her cart past him as fast as her body could carry her.
"That's right fat ass, wrong isle. Cookies and snack cakes are three isles over to the right!" he shouted out before laughing at himself.
"Ah, that felt good. There is nothing like getting a little humor off the dignity of someone else and making yourself look better".
Brennan wasn't sure what product Shalimar used, but she did say the words "maxi pad" so he began rummaging through all products with that labeling. There were such varieties, long, thin, thick, heavy-duty, non-fragranced, over-night, early am, pink, blue, etc. Brennan was pulling samples out of each box. He wanted Shalimar to be pleased with his choice.
He had just pulled a deodorized pad from a box and was sniffing it when some lady with four kids made some rude comment behind his back.
"What a loser he must be picking up pads for his women" she said mumbling than laughing.
Brennan's nostrils flared.
"Excuse me bitch!" Brennan said turning around looking directly at the lady.
"You heard me. Your women has you wrapped around her little finger." The lady said.
"Oh no she didn't" Brennan mumbled to himself.
"First of all lady, I am not a loser. Judging by the number of kids hanging on your arm - which none look like they have the same father I might add - I will just bet you are a single mother milking our welfare system. I will also bet you don't have a man and your nasty comment was directed at men in general, not at me. My advice lady would be to precede one isle back and pick you up a box of the biggest condoms you can find and quit populating the earth. It is my world too and I don't want to share it with your dirty little bastards! Can you close your legs already? " Brennan screamed.
The women looked back at Brennan and broke into tears. That topped Brennan's list of shitty things to say without thinking. One day Brennan would realize how to treat others with respect. Today was not the day. Growing up with his evil step father he never learned proper manners nor cared to start now. Brennan was like his step father in one way, they were both bullheaded and quick to judge.
Brennan went back to sniffing the deodorized pad. "Hmm, this is perfect for Shal" he said stuffing it back in the box and putting the whole box in his pocket. If any of his buddies saw his reputation would forever be ruined. Besides, it wasn't his style to pay for anything.
Just than Brennan heard Shalimar's voice pop up on his comlink.
"Brennan where the hell are you?" Shalimar said before sneezing. Brennan heard a sense of irrationalism in her voice.
"Hey sweetie, I am on my way back." He said cringing at her next response.
"My nose is so dry from blowing it (blow), I need lotion, pick me up some lotion and hurry the hell up" she said.
"Is that all?" Brennan mumbled.
"You don't care about me do you?" Shalimar said erupting into sobs after his comment.
"Oh good god, OFF" Brennan screamed into his comlink.
An older Spanish lady looked at him stupid when she saw him talking into his ring finger. He caught her pointing and saying something to her husband. All he understood was the word "loco".
"Shaving crème and razors are four lanes down, why don't you try shaving your mustache off!" Brennan yelled. "Not you sir, your wife!"
"I have never met more ignorant, egotistical people in my life!" Brennan mumbled walking up to the lotions.
He began sniffing several fragrances. He always liked vanilla. He wanted to sample the product and attempted to squirt some on his hands. The bottle was so hard to squeeze, even for a strong man like him. He grabbed the bottle in both hands and squeezed as hard as he could, sending a long line of white crème across the front of his pants and down one leg.
"SHIT!" he screamed. He wiped the remaining lotion off the top of the cap onto both hands and set it back on the shelf. He looked at his hands and the lotion down his pants and noticed his fly was down.
"What else could happen?" he mumbled. He began to pull at his zipper and realized it was stuck. He didn't pay any attention to the senior citizen that strolled up directly next to him.
"Ahh, come on baby, get up for me" Brennan said jerking hard at his zipper in stride. "
TBC......
"Freeze you perverted sack of shit!" The police officer said holding his gun directly aimed at Brennan's head.
"What the hell did I do?" Brennan said throwing his hands up over his head.
"Slowly and I mean slowly drop to your knees and lay flat on your stomach, hands behind your head" the officer shouted.
"Boy you make my sick. If it wasn't against the law I would drop you right here in front of all these kind folks as a lesson," the man yelled in Brennan's ear.
Brennan just stood there pondering what he had done. He thought he was innocent for once.
Earlier That Day.
Brennan felt like a dumb ass as he entered the grocery store. He had never shopped in his life. Most of his clothing was gifts from female admirers. How dare Shalimar ask him to go to the store and pick up maxi pads! If she wasn't sick he would of declined. He would never understand why Emma couldn't do this for Shalimar. His mind pondered back at the conversation earlier that day.
Back At Sanctuary.
"Damn it Shalimar this has to be the most embarrassing thing anyone has ever asked. Why can't you ask Emma or can't you order some online or something?" Brennan said perturbed.
"Brennan, I need them NOW I am bleeding profusely." Shalimar said with her stuffed up nose.
"I can't ask Emma because she hasn't started her period yet, I would make her feel foolish" said Shalimar.
"Oh don't worry about poor Brennan looking foolish" Brennan spat.
"You do a damn good job of that on your on!" she growled.
Shalimar's eyes shot feral. He knew this wasn't the time to fuck with her. She usually was a bitch but he knew not to push his limits around the middle of every month.
Back At The Grocery Store.
Brennan was confused as he read the signs over each isle. He figured what Shalimar was looking for was under the "napkins" department but came up short handed when the whole lane was full of paper products.
"God, this is so embarrassing. Shal better give me a piece of ass next week after this is all over and done." Brennan thought with his head down low.
He paced each isle frantically till he knew for sure he had paced down each isle at least twice. WHAT THE HELL why couldn't he find them. He was so nervous. He wiped his sweaty palms onto his jeans. He could feel the sweat bead-up on his forehead.
"Shal? Shal?" No response from her comlink. She must of fell back asleep.
That was it. He approached a middle-age lady shopping with her children. Not giving the women eye contact out of shame he tapped on her shoulder.
"I am sorry miss, this is so embarrassing, you see my girlfriend sent me to pick up her..well..i mean.I can't locate.." he just couldn't spit it out.
"Sir" the women said as he started to storm off.
"You want to go to the isle marked feminine products," she said smiling at Brennan.
Brennan just knotted with appreciation as he put his hands in his pockets and walked off at a quick pace.
Forty-Five Minutes Later.
"At last he stumbled across 'Feminine Hygiene' products. By now he was back to his usual stud self. He had stopped sweating over a half over ago.
When he realized there was a whole isle on feminine care he was instantly filled with rage. "Damn it, how could I miss this whole selection and what the hell brand do I pick." He screamed out loud. If he didn't pick the right brand Shalimar would make him come back and he would suffer this humiliation all over again.
"AHHH DAMN IT" he screamed punching stacks of pads and tampons off the shelf. He ended his fit of madness with a swift kick to a tampon display.
A lady was passing with her cart and she stopped in the middle of the isle to stare at him.
"Shows over lady, get the hell out of here" Brennan said pacing with his hands over his head.
The women gave him a shit look and hurriedly pushed her cart past him as fast as her body could carry her.
"That's right fat ass, wrong isle. Cookies and snack cakes are three isles over to the right!" he shouted out before laughing at himself.
"Ah, that felt good. There is nothing like getting a little humor off the dignity of someone else and making yourself look better".
Brennan wasn't sure what product Shalimar used, but she did say the words "maxi pad" so he began rummaging through all products with that labeling. There were such varieties, long, thin, thick, heavy-duty, non-fragranced, over-night, early am, pink, blue, etc. Brennan was pulling samples out of each box. He wanted Shalimar to be pleased with his choice.
He had just pulled a deodorized pad from a box and was sniffing it when some lady with four kids made some rude comment behind his back.
"What a loser he must be picking up pads for his women" she said mumbling than laughing.
Brennan's nostrils flared.
"Excuse me bitch!" Brennan said turning around looking directly at the lady.
"You heard me. Your women has you wrapped around her little finger." The lady said.
"Oh no she didn't" Brennan mumbled to himself.
"First of all lady, I am not a loser. Judging by the number of kids hanging on your arm - which none look like they have the same father I might add - I will just bet you are a single mother milking our welfare system. I will also bet you don't have a man and your nasty comment was directed at men in general, not at me. My advice lady would be to precede one isle back and pick you up a box of the biggest condoms you can find and quit populating the earth. It is my world too and I don't want to share it with your dirty little bastards! Can you close your legs already? " Brennan screamed.
The women looked back at Brennan and broke into tears. That topped Brennan's list of shitty things to say without thinking. One day Brennan would realize how to treat others with respect. Today was not the day. Growing up with his evil step father he never learned proper manners nor cared to start now. Brennan was like his step father in one way, they were both bullheaded and quick to judge.
Brennan went back to sniffing the deodorized pad. "Hmm, this is perfect for Shal" he said stuffing it back in the box and putting the whole box in his pocket. If any of his buddies saw his reputation would forever be ruined. Besides, it wasn't his style to pay for anything.
Just than Brennan heard Shalimar's voice pop up on his comlink.
"Brennan where the hell are you?" Shalimar said before sneezing. Brennan heard a sense of irrationalism in her voice.
"Hey sweetie, I am on my way back." He said cringing at her next response.
"My nose is so dry from blowing it (blow), I need lotion, pick me up some lotion and hurry the hell up" she said.
"Is that all?" Brennan mumbled.
"You don't care about me do you?" Shalimar said erupting into sobs after his comment.
"Oh good god, OFF" Brennan screamed into his comlink.
An older Spanish lady looked at him stupid when she saw him talking into his ring finger. He caught her pointing and saying something to her husband. All he understood was the word "loco".
"Shaving crème and razors are four lanes down, why don't you try shaving your mustache off!" Brennan yelled. "Not you sir, your wife!"
"I have never met more ignorant, egotistical people in my life!" Brennan mumbled walking up to the lotions.
He began sniffing several fragrances. He always liked vanilla. He wanted to sample the product and attempted to squirt some on his hands. The bottle was so hard to squeeze, even for a strong man like him. He grabbed the bottle in both hands and squeezed as hard as he could, sending a long line of white crème across the front of his pants and down one leg.
"SHIT!" he screamed. He wiped the remaining lotion off the top of the cap onto both hands and set it back on the shelf. He looked at his hands and the lotion down his pants and noticed his fly was down.
"What else could happen?" he mumbled. He began to pull at his zipper and realized it was stuck. He didn't pay any attention to the senior citizen that strolled up directly next to him.
"Ahh, come on baby, get up for me" Brennan said jerking hard at his zipper in stride. "
TBC......