Lina lay on her back and gazed up at the stars. She was tired, and she knew that she should get to sleep, but instead the events of the day kept replaying in her mind, over and over. After Gourry had returned with the rabbit, Lina really hadn't felt like talking much, and apparently Gourry didn't either, for they had just sat there, mostly in silence. It wasn't awkward silence, but it wasn't companionable either. It was like they were both lost in their own thoughts. At least, she had been lost in thoughts. Who knew what passed for thought through that jellyfish's head. He can't remember anything about how the world was created, or the story of Shabranigdo and Cephied, or even that his ancestor killed the Demon-Beast Zanaphar . . . but he knows that Sylphiel is in love with him . . . Gourry had reacted so unexpectedly to her taunt. She wasn't sure how she thought he would react, maybe get embarrassed or flustered, or maybe look confused. But no, he just calmly tells her that he already knew! She wondered what else he knew, if he knew how she . . .
Lina rolled over on to her side defiantly, as if to put an end to that train of thought. She found herself facing the fire, and on the other side Gourry sat, his knees loosely clasped in his arms. His head was leaning back, and slightly to one side, but she could tell he wasn't asleep. The moon was waning, but it had not yet set, and its faint light bathed his features from above, while the firelight kissed him from below. She felt a sudden irrational surge of jealousy for his legs, of all things, for being within the circle of his arms. Maybe it was the flicker of the fire, but she felt slightly mesmerized as she gazed at his arms. He had taken off his fingerless gloves, and his arms were crossed, each hand resting on the opposite elbow. Her breath caught in the back her throat as she looked at his hands, and her heart started to beat faster. She could almost feel his hands gently grasping her arms, pulling her closer . . .
Lina closed her eyes and suppressed the urge to roll over onto her other side, but that only intensified the feeling of his arms around her. Gourry is on the other side of the fire, she told herself firmly. He's never touched me like that, so we can stop with the silly fantasies now, okay? But a voice within her whispered, he's never touched you like that because you've never let him. Was it that she had never let him, or that he had never shown any interest in her, she wondered. Admit it, the voice whispered again, you hold him at arms' length, but you really do want him to touch you. Unbidden, the memory of the morning after Martina cursed her rose in her mind. Xellos had provided a "demonstration" of the effects of the curse by grabbing Gourry's hand and placing it onto her breast, which ended up with her kicking Gourry in the crotch . . . but not right away. Gourry should have pulled away, the minute after Xellos had let go of his hand, but he kept it there, gently cupping her. And she just stood there, her brain short-circuiting. It took her a moment to realize his comment, she had just replied automatically, most of her attention riveted to the feel of his hand. Then, his crack about her size sunk in, and her leg struck out. Thinking back on it now, was Gourry trying to insult her, or was he just making an observation? Her memory of the gentle feel of his hand was at odds with his words.
She wondered why it was so hard for her. Everyone else seemed to think that she had feelings for Gourry. She remembered Amelia panicking and trying to prevent her from seeing Sylphiel healing Gourry in the forest near Sairaag. She remembered Martina telling her to be honest with her feelings. And Sylphiel, although she really wanted to believe that Lina traveled with Gourry for his Sword of Light, she seemed to think there was more as well. But if I'm honest with my feelings, I won't know how to act! Lina wailed to herself. She thought of how Sylphiel and Martina acted around guys they liked. Sylphiel's love for Gourry was quiet, but ever-present. It wasn't intrusive, but instead supportive and patient. Lina felt like she could never be like that. She wasn't quiet, she wasn't supportive, and she certainly had no patience. She couldn't imagine being like Martina, either, always swooning over the latest male who appeared on the scene, affiancing herself at the drop of the hat. Lina suddenly had the curious mental image of Martina begging Zangulus to take off his hat so she could make him her fiancé. It made her grin in spite of the melancholy turn her thoughts had taken.
Yes, I am in love with Gourry, Lina admitted to herself. But I don't want things to change, either. She thought of the way they fought over food, how they worked so well as a team, how it had felt when she combed out his hair earlier that day, and she let the love she felt for the big swordsman stay locked deep in her heart, where she could treasure the feeling, but it wouldn't interfere with the comfortable relationship they shared.
Suddenly Lina yawned hugely. She opened her eyes and looked at Gourry again. It doesn't matter if I'm not like Sylphiel or Martina, she suddenly decided. He's still here, after everything I said, after telling him that I tried to kill him, and telling him that I couldn't save him. He's still here . . . and he'll still be here in the morning. With that thought, Lina's eyes drifted shut, and she finally fell asleep.