Title: Bring me to Life Chapter Four
Author's Notes: *sigh* this story just wants to be written! It seems like I can't sit down without finishing a chapter. (not that I'm complaining) but I fully appreciate the reviews that everybody's been giving, they're great. Anything particularly you want to see happen? Anything I need to fix? That said, I hope ya'll enjoy!
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She was walking through the woods, Logan's hand twined with hers, her head gently on his shoulder. She knew that there was something she was supposed to be doing, but she couldn't remember what it was. Her head was spinning with his scent so close, his aura pulsing around her, against her, making her remember things. There was a crash from somewhere in the woods and she winced, "We shouldn't be here like this," she said softly. He chuckled.
"Like what, darlin'? We can do anything we damn well please here, it's after hours, all the kiddies are abed, so who cares?" she sighed, he didn't understand. She lifted her head from his shoulder, staring up into his eyes, why had she thought that she should fight this? Something sweet was filling her, making her want to let him take her.
"I love you, Logan," He grinned, lips pulling back to flash teeth.
"I love you too, darlin'," and then he was kissing her and it was all okay. She closed her eyes, threading her fingers through his hair, holding his head to her. She realized in some distant part of her mind that he was lowering her to the ground and she let him, opening her legs for him, welcoming his heat, his passion, welcoming it because she needed to feel again. His scent was everything around her, in the leaves beneath her body, even in her hair, but it was tinged with something else that she hadn't noticed before. Smoke. Burning.
She turned her head as his lips traveled down her jaw and opened her eyes slowly, taking in the grass next to her ear, and then she froze. Scott was staring sightlessly into her eyes. She had a moment of unreality, he shouldn't be here if she was with Logan… but that wasn't all. She was seeing Scott's eyes, that was wrong somehow. Then she remembered, he wore the glasses, she'd never seen his eyes without the protection of a pair of lenses, his eyes were brown, so very brown, like mahogany, or something darker. But how could she see his eyes?
Logan was still kissing her, unaware, his lips traveling down her neck and then still farther down, his lips closing over her nipple as she let her eyes travel down Scott's body. There was something else about it that bothered her, then she realized he was naked from the waist up, she should have seen smooth skin, muscles, but his chest was split completely open, organs spilling on the ground, the smell of smoke was laced with a tangy/sweet, like an accidentally bitten tongue. Blood was everywhere. She realized that it was on her hands where they'd slid through the grasses, it was on her bare skin where Logan's hands had slid through them and onto her skin. Her eyes slid through the trees, Jean spread-eagled between two, her arms tied, her guts spilling down her pants suit. She saw a shock of white hair off around a tree and knew it was Ororo, but there was someone missing. Where was she?
The Wolverine was happily oblivious, his body grinding into hers and as much as she knew she should be investigating the grisly scene behind his shoulder, she couldn't bring herself to shove him away. He was touching her, and that was all that mattered. His suckling lips played with the long necklace she wore, the pendant nestled between her breasts and glittering in the moonlight with a metallic shine. She groaned loudly, "God, Logan!" She hadn't imagined it'd be this good.
A muffled scream split the night and she shivered in his arms, tightening her hold on his shoulders. He continued to drive himself into her and she ignored the woman against the tree, her dyed red hair gleaming in the moonlight. The woman stared at her in a way that said she knew this would happen, the hurt filling eyes that had sworn they couldn't feel as another man, an older man, did what Logan was doing to her. Only the woman wasn't welcoming it. She was begging him to stop. The man turned to the two figures in the grass, by now her body was covered in Scott's blood, Jean's blood, all of them probably, but she couldn't care. The only thing in this whole cursed place that she cared about was driving himself and her dangerously close to climax.
The man with the shock of white hair and a strange red helmet released the woman and she slid slowly down the trunk of the tree, crying softly, rocking gently as her arms circled her body. He walked slowly toward the couple, his gloved left hand raised palm up, it was a commanding gesture and she felt a weight seem to lift from her chest. She looked down and watched in fascinated horror as the necklace rose in the air, rising until its chain was pulled tight. Logan continued his thrusting but she had stopped beneath him, the pendant held on the chain for countless seconds that seemed like an eternity before the man smiled a sadistic grin that said so very much about his nature, and the necklace was ripped from her neck, eliciting a cry from her body as the pendant flew through the air to land harmlessly in the man's palm.
There was no change in the scene for a moment until she felt a sensation like another kind of strong tugging, only this was coming from her head, not her skin. She looked up, into the Wolverine's surprised eyes and then there was a violent shifting in the air around them. His face crumbled in pain and he screamed wordlessly, the veins in his neck standing out as he struggled against her power. She felt him filling her body, his essence joining hers, his thoughts filling her head. She unwillingly orgasmed then, coming with a feeling like a tidal wave as he collapsed against her, a lifeless husk, and her eyes were trapped staring at the white haired stranger. Who suddenly wasn't so strange at all. The man smirked, telling her she'd gotten what she wanted and then a voice flooded her head.
Professor was going to be so very angry when he found out, except he already knew, the professor had been the first one they'd taken out. The others had come after, and then of course he'd gotten to the woman that Logan loved. And she'd been expected to keep him occupied. He'd given her the necklace for a price, to keep the Wolverine distracted. And she had. And it killed him. It was Xavier's voice in her head.
*Why, Marie?*
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Leora sat bolt upright with a sound like a scream in the back of her throat. She breathed deeply, gasping air into her lungs. The windows were dark, she knew it was very late. Sitting next to the bed was the professor, his eyes saying he knew exactly what she'd seen, she turned her head to the other side and there was Logan, sitting on the edge of the bed, his body tense. She shivered violently, reaching for him, the plea on her lips not voiced as he took the silent invitation, dragging her into his arms. He rocked her gently, whispering nonsense to sooth her and not realizing she was completely dry eyed, just holding tight to his body and trying like hell to erase the images in her mind.
This time was different than the others, she had been her, but not her. As a matter of fact she'd seen her own body at the edge of the clearing, being raped again. And the body that she was in… she wanted to refuse to believe that Rogue would do something like what she'd seen. But she'd never been wrong before. She knew the girl had wanted Logan, knew she was in love with him, but had never even guessed, seeing her aura colors as she had, that Rogue would allow herself to be sucked into a plot like that. Xavier was talking, outlining as much of the premonition as he needed to, but Leora noticed he went no more into specifics other than to say that Leora had seen the school fall to a man named Erik, that the X-men were dead, the only survivor being Rogue, and there had been nothing they could do to stop it. Leora looked over Logan's shoulder, Jean Grey was visibly pale, and Leora wondered how much the woman had seen as well. Rogue was nowhere in sight, but Scott was sitting in a wing backed chair, his hair brushed back from his face, Ororo in a corner, concern all over her face.
Logan's arms tightened on Leora and she winced, making a negating sound in her throat. He released her immediately, "Are you alright?" His voice growled through her bloodstream and she shook her head, sliding back onto the bed so that her back was against the cherry oak headboard. He made a move as though to follow her, and she shook her head, holding up a hand to stave him back. She couldn't' let him touch her just now. She'd been inside the girl's head, she'd had the thoughts the girl had had, and the lust tinged with something very akin to hatred made Leora's skin crawl. She had misjudged, she'd seen the corruption in Marie's aura, but she had assumed that it was simple bitterness, maybe jealousy, but not the murderous hatred at anyone who'd ever touched Logan that Leora had felt in the premonition.
"Do you have any idea when it will happen?" Leora shook her head, staring levelly at Scott.
"No," she answered slowly, she wouldn't be able to go into everything with Logan sitting there watching her, he wouldn't believe a word against Rogue, he loved her like a daughter that much was obvious. "It could be years, it could be days."
"Is there any way to get specifics other than what you saw?" Ororo asked, pulling a lock of hair behind her ear. Leora shook her head.
"No. I have the premonition, that's it. If I could control it better, then maybe, but no, I only have what I experienced." Leora realized she was in her room, she cast around for a blanket without having to take the one on the made bed and grabbed a hooded jacket that she'd thrown carelessly on the bedside table the night before. Pulling it on her shoulders she wrapped her upper body in it, feeling suddenly years younger, a child.
"Alright, what exactly did you see?" Logan asked, looking from her to the professor and back and knowing for damn certain that they weren't telling the whole story. Leora sighed, bone deep, she'd have to be careful with this. Logan always knew when she was lying to him, or hiding something for that matter.
"I…," she took a cup of tea from the bedside table. The professor had had a tea service brought up, probably for anybody who wanted it and Leora silently thanked him for being British and a tea-addict. He smiled knowingly, letting her have the distraction of the tea for a moment. Logan looked at Leora keenly, knowing exactly what she was doing.
"Just say it, Leora, straight out." Leora sighed again, taking a long sip of the brown substance from the delicate china.
"I was in the woods, walking with you," she said the last part softly, but his head came up, his eyes smoldering suddenly. "I could smell the burning but it didn't really register, I was too caught up in you." She looked him in the eye as she said this, looking at no one else in the room, maybe for shame, maybe because this was a very intimate memory. "We were… talking, and it turned into something else entirely. I was in the grass and I saw Scott, then Jean, then Ororo, then…" she sighed, this is where it got tricky, "then I saw me." Logan's eyebrows came together, his forehead furrowed.
"You saw you?" She nodded.
"I was me, but I wasn't, for this one I was inside somebody else's head. I was experiencing it like it was me, but I realized it wasn't me when I saw my body against another tree."
"Who was it?" Ororo asked, Leora couldn't see her past Logan's body, he'd moved so he was inches away from her on the bed, a hand fisted and shoved into the bedding on the opposite side of her body, effectively making himself the only thing in her field of vision.
"I…"
"It doesn't matter," the professor broke in, "what matters, is that someone will come to be with Logan, and it will be the downfall of the school."
"Not if I don't want it to be," Wolverine put in doggedly. Leora sighed.
"You were just as into the act as this other, Logan. From what I could see you wanted it just as much as she did, hell, you initiated it." He cocked an eyebrow at her, incredulous and just the tiniest bit angry at her for telling him he wouldn't be in control of his emotions.
"I initiated sex with a bunch of dead bodies lying around?" Leora just looked at him, she knew him, if Logan wanted something, Logan wanted something and the surroundings be damned.
"To be honest, I'm not sure if you even realized that there were a bunch of dead bodies lying around."
"But how would he be that oblivious?" Leora shrugged.
"I'm not sure, actually. Drugs, maybe? But he was too coherent for that. I don't know."
"Could it have been two instances gelled together?" Leora looked past Logan's shoulder to Jean.
"What?"
"Well… think of it like two images on top of each other. Logan and this… other person together in the woods, obviously she's responsible in some way for what happened to the school, maybe you were getting an image of what would happen to us as well as what happened to let it happen, if that makes any sense."
"That would explain why neither of them seemed to mind…" Ororo put in slowly, though Leora could tell she was getting excited. Leora wondered if the woman was the type to like mind games, or mysteries.
"Maybe, but like I said, there's no way to know for sure. The only way to know for sure is to wait and let it happen."
"Which we're not going to do," Scott said definitively, clenching his hands on the chair.
"Alright, so we know Magneto wants to bring down the school and he'll do anything to let it happen," the professor put in, bringing them all back to the matter at hand.
"But we don't know why," Jean interjected.
"Or when or how," Logan answered, his gaze never leaving Leora's. She shivered.
"It was obviously some one that felt close to you," She answered gently, trying to prepare him a little bit. "She was in love with you, and she wanted you to feel the same for her…"
"Oh yeah, then that definitely wasn't you," he answered bitterly and Leora had to look away, a hot retort on her lips, but that wasn't all. That comment cut deep and he knew it.
"She was willing to do anything, don't you see? That necklace is the key; there was something about it… it made her… I don't know. But once it was off, then everything went crazy," she looked to the professor for help, he shot a long look at Logan.
"The loss of the necklace brought the Wolverine's death, the life was sucked out of him." Ororo took a deep breath and Scott sat up a little straighter. Logan shrugged, either not wanting to understand, or being purposely difficult.
"So it's another mutant," Scott put in, Leora nodded.
"She was… angry. As much as she was into the moment, she was bitter too. She saw the bodies, the people she knew he was close to, and while she felt a little guilt, it was almost defiance that wouldn't let her stop," Leora answered, furrowing her brow and trying hard not to come right out and say 'Rogue's psycho, somebody lock her up'.
"Marie wouldn't do something like that." Logan answered finally, rising from the bed and pacing angrily in front of a window. Leora bit her lip, she was tempted to say that they'd never said Rogue's name, but she wouldn't, it would be too much like a lie, and he deserved to know what was going to happen.
"How do you know, Logan?" He turned, glaring at her.
"I know her, okay Leora? She's not the type to go ape-shit over a guy, especially me. Hell, I knew she had a thing for me, but she loves it here. She wouldn't let anything happen to this place." Leora arched an eyebrow.
"I think you're underestimating the emotions of a seventeen year old girl. You have no idea what it's like to be a girl that age, Logan, and not only does she have a lot to deal with already but she's gone years without touching somebody else. She's completely closed off!"
"She has a boyfriend!" He growled angrily, the others in the room were silent, watching the exchange almost like one would a tennis match. Leora placed the saucer on the bedside table, going to her knees on the bed so that she was looking down at him, the bed was tall, one of those middle English deals with way to much woodwork.
"So? She's known you longer, she looks up to you with a sort of blind hero worship." Leora stopped, "How much of that conversation did you overhear this afternoon?" If he'd heard it from Marie's lips then it would make this so much easier. He sighed in defeat.
"She loves me, I know that Leora, and I feel bad about that, but what the fuck do you want me to do? Go down the hall and tell her that no matter what happens I'll never go for her? I doubt that'll help matters."
"Maybe the professor could talk to her?" Storm answered cautiously, trying to relieve some of the tension in the room. Xavier sighed.
"I could, but if she doesn't want help, or doesn't believe she has a problem, then it'll be next to impossible."
"Besides, who's gonna want to believe that they'll accept help in the romance department from the guy that tried to kill them?" Summers answered, rolling his neck and popping it with a low crack. Leora arched an eyebrow, that sounded like a story, but she wouldn't push it yet.
"Marie loves Jean and Ororo, she wouldn't' do anything to hurt them." Leora wondered if Logan were truly that in denial or if he were just being purposely difficult.
"You're right, she does. Which makes it the bigger weakness, if I hate someone, then I hate them. But if I love them then I ignore the anger, the jealousy, until it builds and builds and just breaks out. Afterward I'll feel horrible, but in the moment those hurt feelings are amplified, these are people I love, how dare they hurt me like this? Do you follow?" Jean nodded, she knew Leora was right, her mind was working quickly.
"Professor, wouldn't you be able to tell if Magneto were on the grounds?"
"He didn't have to come himself, and he could have gotten to her when she left, assuming he's gone to her already." Xavier answered, wiping a hand over his face.
"And assuming she'd let him anywhere near her." Leora rolled her eyes, shooting Wolverine a long look.
"There's a lot of hurt in that girl, Logan. I don't think you realize even a fraction of how much. If he came to her when she was at her most vulnerable, maybe a moment of depression, and offered her a way to make the pain stop, not only that but to be able to touch again without fear of 'sucking somebody's mind out', who's to say she wouldn't fall for it?" He sighed, slumping against the wall in defeat, his arms crossed over his chest. Leora got up, sliding off the bed unbidden. The room watched in silence as she walked the span of three feet from the bed to stand in front of him, her hands reached up, going to either side of his neck. "I know how this hurts you, you've always thought you were protecting her, but there's nothing to be done if the person she needs protection from is the person that she needs the most. This is not your fault."
He smiled softly, a little bit of the glint going back into his eyes. Leora felt a bit of relief at that, if he could look at her like that then he wasn't as wounded as she had thought. "I know, darlin'," his head lowered and he brushed her lips quickly before she had time to step back or stop him, "I don't need you to chase the demons away baby." His own hands cradled her head, pulling her against his body, "I've done enough of that myself." His arms wrapped around her body and she let him hold her, knowing that contrary to whatever it was he was telling himself, he did need her. Or if not her, someone else to hold him and tell him it was going to be okay because he was tearing himself up over this. He may be hiding it well, but she knew he was being eaten up on the inside, wondering if he'd encouraged the girl in any way, if he should have left completely, never come back or whatever. He looked at the professor over Leora's head, "I think we should have a talk with Marie, soon."
Xavier nodded, saying something about leaving. He hit a switch on his chair and left the room as silently as the gears in the chair would allow, Scott and Jean on his heels. Ororo stared silently at the couple in the corner, the way he stared down the length of her body, the way she clung to him, it was a private moment and the woman smiled gently, Leora may swear up and down that she felt nothing, but it was very obvious that whatever she did feel, she felt for the Wolverine. Storm left the room, shutting the door quietly on her way out.
Leora was silent in his arms, her cheek to his chest. She could hear his heart beating under her ear, strong and sure, but it was racing. She lifted her head, staring up into his eyes. "Logan-"
"Don't, Leora." His arms tightened around her and his fingers convulsed on her skin. She looked up at him, a question in her eyes and he touched his lips to her hair. "Don't send me away tonight," he finished quietly and she felt a surge of something flow through her. She bit her lip, she wanted him, and he wanted her that should be the end of it. Staring up into his eyes she could feel his passion, the same deep, deep burgundy that she'd seen in Rogue, but with Logan it was laced with something darker, something that ran ever deeper, tingeing the burgundy with something even bleaker. There was savageness in him that frightened her, had always frightened her, but there was gentleness in him too. The darkness was need, she knew that. But the amount frightened her. When did his feelings become so intense that he didn't just want her? That he needed to be with her with such a yearning?
She stepped back from him, shrugging out of the jacket and letting it fall to the floor. He needed her, and in fact, she needed him. The only time she ever truly felt anything was in his arms. If she could give him something, if she could make the pain in his eyes go away, even for a moment, she'd give him that. But she couldn't' promise any more than that. She caught his wrists, pulling him gently with her until her back reached the bed. "It's just tonight," she warned softly and he nodded, he understood.
He didn't have to like it, but he understood. Logan stared down at her with a mixture of pain and disbelief. How could she deny that there was something between them? Jesus, the spark was enough to send four grown mutants from the room so that they could fuck. He laughed silently to himself, because nobody in the room had been fooled, they all knew as soon as they were alone, this was exactly what was going to happen. He sighed; he hated feeling like he needed somebody, like he was indebted to somebody. That had been one of the reasons he'd left her in the first place, and here he was begging her not to leave him. He felt cornered, and under normal circumstances he'd just up and leave, find the first pretty blonde in a bar and fuck the life out of her, but he couldn't. Now he felt like the world was crashing down, he'd heard them talking that afternoon; he hadn't realized exactly how attached Marie was. He mentally berated himself, how many times had he gone to her to listen? To bitch about the day when she knew damn well he was lamenting that Scott and Jean were still together. He felt like a spoiled, selfish child. Leora stared up at him silently, then sighed, stepping back from him completely.
"Not like this," she murmured softly, at the question in his eyes she glared. "I'm not going to be a distraction, Logan. If you want to be with me, then fine. But don't say you need me when what you really need is something to get your mind off her." Leora stared up at him, praying he'd deny what she'd accused him of. Praying that he'd take her in his arms and say that he needed her because she was Leora, not because she was a warm body who happened to know his moods. He didn't answer her for a moment, then punctuated the silence with an abrupt sigh. Passing a hand over his face he growled low in his throat, the moment completely shattered.
"Fine. Goodnight, Leora." She stared at him in surprise, she hadn't expected him to leave. Or hell, to basically admit that he was using her. He turned on his heel, stalking toward the door. He jerked it open, stopping on his way out to turn and look at her one last time. "I know exactly what I want, Leora. But when you figure out your terms, let me know."
The door slammed shut after him.
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It was three in the morning and Leora couldn't sleep. She got up finally, sliding out of the bed and glaring at the digital clock on her bedside. Who was he to tell her that she didn't know what she wanted? Of course she knew what she wanted. Or did she? Leora rolled her eyes, pulling a loose satin robe over the long silk nightgown. It had a slit up her left thigh and was black, accentuating her milky smooth skin and hair, off setting her eyes, it made her look good and she knew it. She sighed, it was late, there was no one awake, so she forwent putting on real clothes and padded lightly out of the room. Staring at Logan's door for a minute she snorted, stalking the rest of the way down the hall and then down the stairs.
She ended up in the observatory on the south side of the house. It was beautiful with the full moon casting an eerie glow over everything, the plants seeming surreal in the light. She shut the doors behind her, going completely in and staring out the windows, it also had a fabulous view of the lawn and then the lake beyond.
"Good evening, Leora, or rather, morning." Leora jumped, she'd gone completely into the room, ending a few feet from the windows, turning she saw that she'd completely missed the professor, watching her quietly from one of the tables, a chess board next to his elbow.
"I'm sorry, professor, did you want to be alone?" She asked politely, really wanting to go find somewhere else to be alone.
"No, child, not at all. Is everything alright?" She sighed, that question was rather redundant, he knew for damn sure that everything was most certainly not alright.
"No," she answered softly, walking to the table and taking the seat opposite him. "I don't know what he wants from me," she finished finally. Staring glumly at the chessboard she ran a hand through her hair.
"I think you do." Leora snapped her head up, looking into the professor's keen eyes. She laughed, self deprecatingly.
"Yes, I suppose I do. But I can't give him that, I tried before."
"What…exactly happened, Leora?"
"He left. I came home one day to an empty house, his things were gone," she sighed, "I was upset, I went out looking for him, hoping to convince him to stay, beg if I had to. I ended up at a really seedy bar, one that I knew he liked."
"And you were raped," he said gently, a question of sorts, watching her and wondering if she'd refute the information. She nodded, making a sound to the affirmative in her throat.
"Mmm-hmm, I left, for some reason I ended up in the back alley, I cant' remember why. I woke up in the hospital."
"So you blame the Wolverine for what happened to you?"
"No, of course not." The professor raised an eye brow and Leora sighed. "Maybe, at first I just kept hoping he'd come back, like he'd know somehow and come for me, make everything okay again. But he never came. And it got harder and harder to go through every day hurting that much. It seemed like every day he didn't' show up was just another day for me to hurt. So one day I just… shut down. I wouldn't let anything touch me, and it worked. Suddenly I didn't hurt anymore. But I couldn't feel anything else either, I was pretty apathetic. And I didn't care."
"But then you came here," Xavier prodded gently when she was silent for a stretch and she nodded, lacing her hands on the table.
"And then he was there and it seemed like in that second… every wall I'd so carefully constructed around myself came tumbling down. He gets to me, he was always able to, but now it seems like its worse. He can make me so angry with just a look, or hurt." She looked at Xavier, suddenly very serious, "I promised myself in the hospital that I'd never let myself be hurt like that again. By any man. So you see I can't just sit back and let him waltz in, make me fall for him all over again and then waltz right back out again. I don't think I could lose him twice in the same lifetime."
"Some would say…" the professor began slowly, "that love carries no guarantees, that the only way to feel anything is to allow yourself that hurt." He looked at her, "You have the gift of seeing the emotions of others at a glance. Would you deny that there are thousands of them?" Leora shook her head, of course not, "then why deny yourself the chance to experience them all simply because you're afraid of one?"
"What are you telling me, professor?" He sighed.
"I'm telling you, child, to go back upstairs. See where you end up." Leora rose slowly, her mind spinning.
"Thank you, professor." He nodded.
"Calm down, Leora, don't decide right now what will happen. Just allow yourself to be."
"Be what?" He smiled.
"Anything."
Leora sighed, defeated, she walked back out of the observatory. She mounted the stairs, turning what the professor had told her over and over in her mind. She wanted Logan with a passion that frightened her. He wanted her just as much. She needed Logan so much that sometimes she had to remind herself to breathe. But if she allowed him back inside her defenses, would there be anything left if he should decide to leave again? She found herself back on her hallway, she walked silently passed door after door, then ended up in front of her own. If she went left, if she opened that door, she'd be safe and sound inside four strong walls of protection. If she went right, then she'd be where she wanted to be, with him. She bit her lip, mentally debating. Then remembering the professor's words she closed her eyes, shaking her head to clear it.
Seconds later she opened the door.