Title: Bring me to Life Chapter Six
Author's Notes: Sorry this one took so long. Hope ya'll like it like you liked the last one (assuming you liked the last one…) Enjoy!
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Leora stared at the closed door in surprise, Logan made a sound in his throat and she turned to look at him. He looked just as stricken as she felt. She closed her eyes for a moment, letting the sheets fall to her lap. "You should go talk to her," she murmured softly. He raised his eyebrows.
"You sure that's such a good idea? She probably hates me right now." Leora shook her head.
"No, it's me she's hating right now," thinking back to the look of betrayal the girl had had on her face, Leora realized had she taken the time to realize, the girl's emotions had been a rainbow pallet, first the startled orange of surprise, then the deep royal blue of pain, followed by an emerald green of jealousy, and finally a rage so very raw that it was no longer red, but white hot. And over it all, what probably made it most unbearable for her, a blushing baby pink of embarrassment, she'd walked in on a very intimate moment, she was probably beating herself up, feeling like a clod and a child.
"You didn't do anything," he pointed out and Leora gave him a look.
"She told me yesterday how she felt about you, I knew it and I still pursued this-"
"But we already had something."
"You're right, except it'd been a while and I'd told her I doubted anything would happen. She thought I'd steer clear of you, even if it wasn't out of regard for her feelings, then because I'd said you didn't want me. This is like I lied to her, like I deliberately went behind her back." He rolled his eyes, his look more than clear 'women', throwing the sheet off his body and sliding out from the bed. Leora had a moment to stare at his naked body before he pulled the jeans over his hips, turning around and zipping them before coming back to the bed. He grabbed her suddenly, both hands sliding to her hair and pulling her forward. Leora found herself in the middle of a passion filled kiss before she had time to think straight. She kissed him back, bringing up a hand to cup his face, but he pulled back just as quickly as he'd grabbed her.
"Be careful," he muttered, as though as an excuse for what had just happened. She got slowly out of the bed herself, wrapping the robe around her body, the nightgown seemed to have disappeared somewhere. Probably under the bed, or the blankets that had fallen to the floor, but she didn't' feel like looking for it. At her questioning look he sighed, walking over to her and placing his hands on her hips, drawing her body against his. "If you're right, then whatever it is that's going to happen… it's going to happen soon. We just saw to that."
"Logan-"
"I don't want anything to happen to you," he admitted finally, as though surprised with himself. "I wasn't there once. I don't want that to happen again." So that's what it was. She stared up at him in surprise. His guilt was palpable, a living thing inside him, glowing a dusky golden brown and eating at him like acid. She placed a hand on either side of his face.
"I don't blame you for what happened to me."
"I know, darlin'. But you said it yourself, if I hadn't left the way I did, then you wouldn't have gone looking for me, the way you did."
"It could have just as easily have happened while you were still around," she pointed out, "and what would you have done then? I don't remember who it was; would you have ripped apart all the seedy bars in New Orleans until you found him? If he was even still around?" His look said that he very well would have. She sighed. "Logan… it wouldn't change anything."
"I know."
"Do you? Do you really? Because Xavier's talking about hypnosis, so that I can remember myself rather than him sifting through my head. If I suddenly remember a face…"
"I'm not going to leave you with things like they are right now." He answered, pulling away from her and grabbing a shirt from the wing backed chair. She arched an eyebrow.
"But if we clear this up and then I remember, then you'll do it. Is that it?" He didn't answer, just walked doggedly to the door, ignoring her. Leora made a sound in her throat, a mimic of the growl he was so very good at. "Tell me, Logan, if I suddenly remember you're going to go after them!" Logan smirked, it was good she was behind him, otherwise his face so very close to laughter would probably irritate her further. She found herself following him down the hallway, storming more like, the satin robe her only protection from the eyes of anybody who might be passing by. "Would you answer me?!" He stopped before they reached the main hall, turning around so quickly that she rammed into him. Stepping backward Leora put a hand to her throat.
"Yes!" he answered, not angry but exasperated surely. "I'm not just letting this go, Leora. Someone hurt you, someone touched you," he amended, the venom in his voice making her skin crawl. "As worried as I am about Marie right now… I haven't forgotten that."
"So you'll just up and leave again," she answered quietly, trying to keep the hurt out of her voice.
"It wouldn't be like last time, Leora," he answered calmly, placing his hands on her shoulders. She stared up at him.
"Wouldn't it? You'd wait until I was asleep so that you wouldn't have to suffer through a good bye, only you'll convince yourself it's so that you won't prolong my hurt, I'll wake up and you'll just be gone. Your clothes… everything. It'll be like you were never there. Admit it."
"But this time I'd be back," he pointed out, trying to make her understand.
"Would you?" She blinked, tossing her hair out of her face, "Would you really? Or would you just stay away long enough for me to get the message, not knowing if you were alive or dead, and then it'd be so long that finally I'd move on as well?" She dared him silently to contradict her. He raised his eyebrows, her voice was soft but her eyes were alive, dark with anger and pain, he hadn't realized he'd hurt her that much the last time. He wanted to tell her it really would be different, but he wasn't sure if it would be. He'd been running for so long it was like second nature, he wasn't sure if he were capable of staying in one place for to long.
"Leora…" he began, but wasn't sure what to say. She crossed her arms over her chest, ending up cradling her breasts, women's bodies just weren't made to be menacing.
"What?" She challenged softly. He sighed, maybe the damage was to much and had already been done.
"I have to go find Marie," he answered quietly, turning on his heel and walking boldly through the double doors. Leora stared after him open mouthed. Damn the man! She turned abruptly, intent on walking back to her own room and jumped nearly out of her skin when she realized she was being watched.
"Is it safe to come out?" She glared at Scott, tossing her hair over her shoulder.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he shrugged, opening the door wider, causing her to realize that he was leaving his bedroom.
"I've been waiting for you two to shut up for about ten minutes. Wasn't sure if I was going to have to come out here and referee or not."
"You were spying on us?" She asked and he laughed.
"Honey, I don't know if you've noticed or not, but Wolverine's not exactly made to be quiet. Spying wasn't the word. More like… trying to go deaf for a while." She blushed and he grinned.
"I'm sorry," she sighed, "it seems like I'm stepping on all kinds of toes lately."
"Nah, don't worry about it. Now, want to talk?"
"Not especially. I'm just going to go walk for a while."
"Well… you might want to put some clothes on first, I mean, it is mid afternoon and there are a lot of teenage guys around." Leora laughed in spite of herself. She declined from pointing out that most of them had already seen her bare-chested anyway. But she shrugged. Turning from the main hallway and walking back down the hall. Scott stared after her, arching an eyebrow, she certainly was something. "Leora, wait up!"
She stopped on the hardwood floor, not turning, but he caught up quickly anyway. "Yes?" She answered finally, looking over her shoulder and through a cloud of cherry black hair.
"Want some company on that walk?" She arched an eyebrow, "It's not a line, honestly," because Jean'd kill him from a thousand paces, "But it was obvious that you two were getting pretty personal. I won't ask questions," he offered. She stared at him, considering. How nice would it be to just unload everything that was in her head to somebody who wouldn't' try to psycho-analyze it and who wouldn't gently prod her into revealing more or remembering more for herself, or who most importantly, wouldn't judge? She sighed, rolling her head back to stretch the muscles.
"Wait out here," she answered finally, sweeping past him and shutting the door to her suite in his face. Ten minutes later, Leora emerged in a pair of low slung jeans and a halter styled tank top that covered more than the tank the day before, but still bared midriff and left little to the imagination. On her feet were a pair of strappy looking heeled sandals, she was swathed in blue and green, the jeans a deep blue and the top a jade green that complemented her eyes and hair well. He stared, then found himself being reminded that he had a steady girlfriend and he wanted to help this woman. That was all. Just help, a willing ear and a shoulder if she needed to cry. Yup… just those two body parts. An ear and a shoulder, nothing more.
"You look good," he couldn't help but point out and she smiled.
"Thanks. Did you have anywhere in particular you wanted to go?" He shook his head.
"Nope, lead the way."
A while later, but no more than a half hour, and Scott found he had a grudging respect for the Wolverine. They were walking around the large lake, on the far side, the school across from them, and she had told him the highlights of their relationship. Cyclops was finding there was more to Logan than he'd given him credit for. Apparently he'd helped this one through some pretty rough times. "…And then I guess it got to be too much for him," she finished, staring across the lake, her voice shaking for the first time since they began talking.
"What do you mean?" Summers asked, not able to help himself.
"I thought you said no questions?" Leora said, a laugh in her voice.
"Yeah well… so really, what happened?" Leora laughed then, shaking her head, he really was a puppy in so many ways.
"What man wants to wake up every night to comfort his girlfriend? Especially when he's got nightmares of his own," she pointed out gently.
"You had nightmares?" She nodded, looking into the distance, remembering.
"Yeah… I don't remember them really, but I can remember waking in a cold sweat, not being able to talk, afraid of the dark, hell of my own shadow, really. He was…" she shrugged, "I dunno, gentle? Patient? He held me when I cried, he never questioned, he lay next to me when he knew it was the only way I'd be able to sleep. But he was rough in his own way." At Scott's look she rolled her eyes, "You know what he's like. We fought constantly, over the stupidest things," she laughed, "I remember once we didn't' speak for a week over which was better regular or lite beer." Scott laughed.
"You're joking."
"Nope. It was just… I dunno, something we did. Then one day I woke up and reached for him and he was gone. Just… gone. No note, no message on the answering machine, just pfft. Like some sort of demented dream."
"And that's when you went looking for him?" She nodded.
"And you know what happened after that."
"Yeah," he looked at her carefully, "I do. But do you?" She stared.
"What?"
"Well," he stared, staring at the school, not looking at her, "you say you know what happened, and I think you do, but more like you've been told over and over so now you know but you don't know, if you know what I mean." She stared at him, that actually made sense, but she still wasn't sure what he was saying. Sitting down on the grass she looked up at him and he sat cross legged in front of her. "Are your memories really repressed, or are you just not looking at them?"
"What?" Scott shook his head, what was he talking about, anyway? That's it, next time there was nothing on TV he was turning off the TV. Any more Oprah and he was going to become Dr. Phil.
"Do you mind trying something?" Leora was immediately on guard.
"What do you mean?" He sighed.
"Trust me, okay? We won't do anything you don't want to do."
"Okay, now you sound like Logan." Summers gave her a look and rapidly shook his head.
"Don't ever tell me the story behind that one." He reached for her hands, taking them in his own and putting them together, almost like he wanted her to pray. "Now close your eyes." Leora stared at him in amusement for a beat, then obediently closed her eyes, a small smile on her lips. "Now, I want you to remember that day, when you woke up, when you found him gone. What'd you do? And don't answer unless you have a real memory, not just a mental picture, okay?" She nodded.
"Okay… he was gone," she furrowed her brow, "I… got rather frantic, I tore the house apart, anything that wasn't nailed down got thrown across the room."
"So you were angry?"
"No, I was hurt. Upset, why did he leave? I mean, he didn't say anything, I didn't even know we were having problems," her voice trembled a bit and she stopped, steadying it. She opened her eyes. "What are you doing?"
"Not a damn thing. This isn't hypnosis, this is just you remembering. We can stop any time." His voice was gentle, soft, almost like a big brother. "Don't stop just because you're scared. You trust me, right?" She nodded and he reached out, putting a hand over her eyes, "then let's keep this up. Worst case you don't remember shit and I don't' quit my day job." Leora smirked and closed her eyes again, she felt Scott's hand leave and she went back to the memories, sifting through for what she wasn't sure.
"I thought he'd come back, that if I sat long enough he'd just come sauntering in after a while and everything would be fine. By six o'clock I realized that wasn't going to happen. So, I grabbed a jacket and left. I knew the bars he liked, I figured he'd be in one of them, or at least somebody would have seen him before he moved on. I stared at Tooley's then went to One Eyed Jack's, neither of the bartenders had seen him all day." She sighed, she hated this part, remembering the walk from street to street. Before he'd left, they'd walked this street together, hand in hand, watching the women who walked with their arms crossed, the lost look in their eyes. She'd joked that she'd never be one of them, that if he left she'd just go get drunk rather than send out a one person search party. But there she was, walking the debris ridden streets off Bourbon and King and Queen and praying to whatever saint might be around that he'd show up out of nowhere.
Scott watched her silently, she wasn't saying anything, but it was obvious that whatever it was they were doing was working. Her eyes darted back and forth behind the closed lids, her lips parted a bit and her breath coming through in slow gasps. "Leora?" He asked softly, "Where are you?"
"After I tried the ones he spent the most time in… I went to SpicyHot, this place that he'd never taken me to, but that I knew he went to." She laughed shortly, "He went there when he wanted to be alone, said that it wasn't a place for me. And he was right, I think I was more scared of the cliental then I was of never finding him again. Grisled bikers and truckers, druggies and drunks, it wasn't a very nice place."
"But you went in anyway." Statement rather than question. She nodded.
"Yeah. And strangely, after going to the bartender, I found him." Scott arched an eyebrow, his eyes watching her through the red tinting of the glasses. He hadn't expected her to say she'd found him. "He was sitting alone, at the end of the bar, smoking one of those damned cigars and staring at nothing. I went over to him, asked him why he'd left and it was like for a second… he didn't recognize me." She shook her head, coughing once, "It was strange, I mean… we'd been together for months and he didn't know me. But he got over it quickly, grinning up at me and making some kind of flippant answer about needing to get out for a while, like he hadn't packed up his shit and left. Then he got up from the bar and walked out the back, without even a second glance." She was angry at him still, that much was obvious, but Scott found himself realizing something about this wasn't quite right. Logan wasn't the type to play games, if he had something to say he said it.
"You followed him?" Leora squinted her eyes shut.
"Damn right I followed him, the man had no idea how worried I was! There's a back entrance to the bar, Logan left through it, I'm standing here in the middle of this god awful bar and he just gets up and walks away from me," Scott stared at her, suddenly she was speaking in present tense. He wondered briefly what he'd gotten himself into.
"Leora…" But she wasn't hearing him. Her hands had tightened against each other, then breaking apart and grabbing his own hands of their own volition, lacing fingers and squeezing hard.
"It's dark out here, I can't see him anymore, I call out to him but I can't hear him. There's someone in the alley though, because I hear them laughing. I yell at him that this isn't funny and then this… thing… comes out of the shadows."
"Thing?" Scott tried to loosen her grip on his hands but she wasn't letting up.
"It's… he's…" she shivered, "he's so tall that I step back, but I hit the garbage bin, the corner cut into my shoulder and I yell because it hurts. He makes a grab for me but I sidestep, his hair is long and blonde, but it's mangled, matted in places. He's big, like a linebacker or something. He's lifting a hand and his nails are thick, grossly pointed, like talons or something." She was shaking, Scott tried to break his hands free so that he could try to snap her out of it, mentally kicking the hell out of himself for doing this without the professor around, her breath quickened. "I can't really see his face… but his teeth are pointed, and really, really white, the streetlamp at the end of the alley is shining on them. I trip and try to crap walk away from him, but he grabs for me and this time gets me. His hand goes around my elbow and I scream, but he slaps me and it hurts, I taste blood in my mouth and know that my lip is probably split. He hauls me up and my ankle turns so that I nearly fall again, my shoes are heeled and not very stable. This time he puts his arms under my arm pits and grabs me that way. I'm in a tank top and his nails dig into my shoulder blades. I scream this time, it hurts and he's cutting me with his nails. I'm yelling for help, but nobody's coming to help me. I start to cry and he's shoving me against the wall of the club. I turn my head away from his face, he's raping me, but I don't want him to kiss me… that'd make it worse somehow. I'm screaming my head off and he's not stopping, it hurts so much!" she shivered again, she hadn't stopped shivering and Scott had a feeling her body didn't realize it was summer, this wasn't the type of cold that just went away.
"Leora!" She didn't respond.
"He's not stopping!" She felt a sob in the back of her throat and it didn't' register, "I turn my head the other way, but no matter where I look I can't get away from him. His eyes are black, no white, just black. There's somebody else in the shadows, I call to them for help and they step into the light." She sucked in her breath. "It's Logan!" she whispered, her voice so surprised and hoarse that it took Scott completely by surprise.
"It's… Logan."
"Yeah… he's… it's Logan. But there's something wrong with his eyes." She shook her head, hair flying in all directions. "They're yellow, slitted almost like a snakes and he's just watching me. Then he grabs my face and kisses me, like this is what I deserve!"
"Leora, slow down, calm down, breathe!" Scott was just as agitated as she was, but his fingers were in a vice grip and her entire demeanor was different, like she was trancing and he had no way to get her out of it.
"He walks away, I can smell him still, motor oil and whiskey, and then he's gone and that… thing… pulls out of me and just lets me fall on the pavement." She was breathing heavy through her nose, tears trailing down her face, "They leave and I don't know how long I'm here alone, in the alley. Then a pair of feet are there, I can't look up, I'm too afraid that one of them came back. But it's not. I'm being lifted, I think I'm fainting because everything's black, but when I open my eyes again… I'm in a hospital. The man is leaning over the gurney, he's old and English, he's telling me that I can thank him later, that he'll be back to finish what he started, and then he's gone." She was shivering and her face was tear streaked. Her grip on Cyclops loosened enough that he was able to jerk his hands free, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her once, then again for good measure.
"Where are you now, Leora?" she shook her head, "Open your eyes, Leora, open your eyes!" Her body shook violently and she collapsed against him, sobbing.
"Oh god, I remember!" He held her silently, rocking her, not sure how she'd come out of it, or what he'd done, but knowing for damn sure she'd come out of her repression.
"It's okay, it's all gonna be okay."
"No it's not!" she pulled back, looking him in the eye. "He was there!"
"You mean Logan?" She nodded, hugging herself.
"He was there, he practically helped him. How can I let him touch me again?"
"Leora…" he stared at her, "that wasn't Logan." She stared right back, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
"I know what I saw. I was there, Scott. I remember everything."
"I know you do, but I'm telling you, it sounds like that was another mutant."
"What?"
"Her name is Mystique. That's not the first time she's emulated him. And the blonde Goliath? Sounds like Sabertooth. And the man that took you to the hospital is probably Magneto if I'm right."
"But why? What did he have to gain letting his people rape me in a back alley?" Scott looked perplexed.
"I don't know. But you'll tell the professor. He'll figure it out," he answered confidently. Leora sighed, rising from her cross legged position and going to stand at the edge of the lake. She stared at the school, while they were on school grounds still, it was easy to pretend that they weren't.
"I'm so sick of this."
"I know," he rose, going to stand behind her, gently putting a hand on her back. "Do you regret what just happened?" he asked softly, "I didn't think it'd work that well."
"That was working well?" she shrugged, "You recognize those people like some game of match and then sound proud that you were able to do it, but they raped me, Scott. How can I be happy knowing their names when I saw what's going to happen to the school? I'm going to see them again, and he basically promised me that he was going to kill me. Or whatever 'finish what I started' means." She hadn't turned, she was watching the water lap the shore.
"Do you want me to go find Logan?" She shook her head violently.
"I'm not ready to see him yet. They knew exactly what they were doing, using his face. I'll never be able to look at him the same way again." She turned, looking him in the eye. "What am I going to do?"
"That's why you're here, to get help. You knew you'd remember, eventually." She nodded in defeat.
"You're right of course. I just didn't think it'd hurt this much. I don't know if I can let him touch me again."
"Him? Or any man?" Leora shrugged.
"I don't know. But honestly, it's one thing to say that I was raped in the abstract, but I remember now. If he asks, I'll be able to tell him. I'm afraid," she said finally. At Scott's questioning look she sighed, "he's faced them before, yes?" Summers nodded. "Then how do I know that after he knows… every time he sees me, he wont' be seeing me, Scott. He'll be seeing them." She hugged her body, her hands cupping her shoulders. Scott put his hands on her waist.
"Hey, now listen up." She looked up at him, "I may not think very much of him, but Logan's a man. When he sees you," she looked up at him through a curtain of hair and Scott had to swallow, "he sees a very beautiful woman who's been hurt. It's little wonder he wants to kill whoever hurt you, he'd be insane not to."
Leora stared up at him in surprise, "What are you saying, Scott?"
He shook his head as though to clear it, "Just that he's very lucky. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. When he looks at you, if he sees someone else, then it's his own fault." His hand cupped her face and Leora found herself leaning into the touch, not sure why. She stepped closer to him and his other hand held her hip, drawing her ever forward.
"But what if-"
His lips covered hers in a deep, thorough kiss. Leora responded to the touch with a need that belied her earlier fear of a man's touch. She needed this, she needed Logan more, but right now the best thing for her body was the reassurance that she was still desirable. The kiss went on and on, sweet, sweeter, then turning into something more. Leora opened her mouth to him, taking his tongue and giving him her own, kissing him with all the fervor in her body. She knew the kiss must end, if not then it'd turn into something else entirely, something she wasn't sure he was ready for. She touched his face, caressing his cheek even as he kissed her, her fingers trailing down his neck to his chest, then lower, channeling the fear into the touch, giving him time to end the kiss. He got the message.
Scott pulled back, surprise all over his face. "What just happened?"
"You tell me." She answered softly, touching her lower lip with her forefinger.
"I love Jean." Leora stared up at him silently and he ran a hand through his hair. "This didn't happen… well, it did, but it just happened, I didn't plan it. God, it's not like I dragged you out here to…"
"Scott," Leora took his hands in her own, steadying him. "Honey, I know. It just happened. But it's what I needed. I needed to be reassured that I was still desirable, not just to Logan, but to men in general. You gave that back to me. That's all it was. It's nothing more unless you make it so."
The sun was dipping in the sky, it was getting close to dusk. "Are you sure?" She nodded.
"I wouldn't' have said so if I didn't mean it. Now, I should go see the professor, don't you think?"
And that was the obvious end of that. If it didn't come up again, then so much the better.
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Logan had stormed out of the sleeping hall with the full intent of tracking down Marie. He'd gotten down the stairs and out the front doors before realizing she had probably fled back to her rooms. He growled in frustration, turning on his heel and refusing to admit even to himself that Leora had gotten to him. He wasn't going to get as hung up on her as he had last time. Dammit, that had been the problem last time anyway!
Raging back up the stairs he slammed through the doors that led to the sleeping hall and past Summers, who was standing in the deserted hall with his hands shoved in his pockets like an idiot. Logan glared at him and the boy had just grinned enigmatically, turning his back and walking a little farther up the hall. Wolverine rolled his eyes, going all the way to the end of the hall and then down another, ending up in the students' sleeping quarters. He stopped in front of one of the doors, they all looked the same really, same sumptuous mahogany, same scrolled woodwork, they ran together after a while. He knocked once and without further preamble, opened the door, sweeping inside.
Marie sat on the window seat, a pillow clutched to her midsection, her knees pulled up to her chin. She looked briefly at the door and rolled her eyes, going back to looking out the window. "What?" She asked tiredly.
"What'd you want to tell me earlier?" He growled softly, starting in safe territory. She rolled her eyes.
"It's not important."
"It was important enough for you to come tearing into my room twenty minutes ago." He was rewarded with a faint blush, she turned from the window to glare at him, her cheeks tinged pink.
"I apologized for that."
"I know." She sighed, staring back out the window. Logan found himself at a loss, what the hell was he supposed to say to her, anyway? "Marie, what's wrong?" He asked finally, going for direct.
"Nothing." Well damn.
"Bull shit." Her hands tightened on the pillow and he sat down on the end of her bed, staring at her.
"I was just surprised, is all."
"That is not all, kid, if it were then you'd be over it by now. Why the moping?"
"I'm not a kid!" She put her legs on the floor, tossing the pillow at the other end of the bed, it landed with a muffled thud and he cocked an eyebrow.
"Okay… I'm sorry."
"No you're not, Logan!" she rose, raging now, "You always do that, you call me 'kid' like some endearment, you know I'm not, hell you were the one that gave me the speech daddy speech about Bobby, yet it's like you want to think of me as the same twelve year old you left here years ago."
"Well you're sure as hell acting like a twelve year old," he muttered, then rose as well, towering over her. "What do you want, Marie? You really want me to treat you like an adult? Fine, you wanna know what I do to adults that bust into my bedroom for no reason and embarrass the hell outta my girlfriend?" She took a step back, Logan faltered. Girlfriend? Since when had he decided Leora was permanently back in his life.
"Why her?" She asked belligerently, staring up at him with a determined jut to her chin. He rolled his eyes.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I'm serious, I get that you fucked her back in the day and I get that she's still in love with you, okay fine. But why her? Storm turn you down like Jean did?"
"Nice talk, kid." She glared and he glared back, "You are acting like a five year old! What's your beef with Ororo?" She rolled her eyes.
"Puh-lease Logan, you've tried your hand at every chick in the manor, except the ones who are jailbait." 'all except me' hung unsaid in the air and she turned back to the window, he didn't' have to be Leora, or hell either of the resident psychics to know that anger flowed off her in waves. But hurt was there as well.
"Your jealous," he said softly, surprised. He knew she was, but strangely he hadn't wanted to admit it when Leora told him. If he didn't see it, then it wasn't true. But now it was undeniable.
"Yeah, and I sorta deserve to be." She turned back to face him, "How many times have I had to listen to you complain about Jean, huh Logan? How many times have I sat there and listened while you lamented about the runaround she gives you. And then you flirt with Storm like crazy and I have to watch that too!"
"I do not-"
"Yes you do! You may call it simple conversation, but everybody else knows it's a little bit more than that." She sighed, tossing her hair back, "You're like that with everybody, your humor is nothing BUT double entendre with everybody but me. Why, Logan? Am I really so undesirable that you can be bitching about Jean even when there's a flesh and blood woman in the room who's willing to make it all better?" He stared at her, dumbfounded.
"Marie, I never meant to hurt you."
"Well you did!" tears shown in her eyes and he winced. "You were the only one around here that treated me decent, you weren't afraid of me, you let me hang out with you even though it cramped your style. Logan, you saved my life a couple of times and you can still stand there and swear that you don't know how I feel about you?" She was crying now, tears streaking down her face, the skimpy tank top heaved with her chest, her fingers in the gloves clenching uselessly at her sides, the scarf fluttered around her neck as she stepped toward him. "Can you honestly look at me and tell that you don't' feel it too?"
She was right, they did have a connection, but he had a feeling it had more to do with the fact that she'd been inside his head than the sexual link he shared with Leora. She reached out finally, her hands flattening against his chest, her entire demeanor changing from scared, crying child, to lusting woman in seconds flat. He stared at her in more surprise than he had been earlier. Mentally he was preparing to yell at Leora for a month about this, he was finding more about Marie than he'd ever wanted to find out. Logan found himself being gently shoved down to the bed, he ended sitting on the corner again, his knees wide, Marie standing between them her hands on his shoulders, looking down at him.
"I can give you everything they can, Logan. I understand about you, so much more than they do. Leora's just some rich bitch who's never been alone before and Jean? She's got Scott. But me? I've been alone too." He felt something inside laugh at that, Leora just a rich bitch? Right. He found Marie didn't know nearly as much as she seemed to think she did. But this wasn't malicious, this 'seduction' was a last ditch effort on her part. She was petrified that she'd get shot down, that he'd tell her that he was never really her friend, that she'd be vulnerable and he'd kick her in the stomach, and he'd have to, but not because he wanted to.
"Marie," his hands caught her wrists, drawing her hands away from his skin, "You're right, you have been alone. But you've got Bobby."
"He's not you, Logan," she whispered softly, another tear falling from her eye, "Nobody is you."
"This cant' happen, darlin'," he answered back, talking low, not under his breath but gently. She winced. "I love you, Marie, but we've got something better than what I've got with Leora."
"Oh yeah? What's that?" she asked bitterly, turning away from him and stalking back to the window. He rose, following her he grabbed her waist and forced her to look at him.
"What I have with Leora, it'll end eventually," she stared up at him, "They always end," he said finally, admitting this to himself as much as to her, "They end badly, and that's one of the reasons why I left her that time. Eventually she'll realize I'm not as great as she thought I was and she'll leave. And darlin', any guy'd be damn lucky to get you, but I can't. I don't' want to hurt you like I'll end up hurting her. With you and me it's different, I don't' have to be careful around you, I don't have to worry that I'll say the wrong thing or I'll fuck up or whatever because we're closer than that."
"It's better," she spat, still unable to keep the bitterness from her voice, though her resolve to be angry at him was crumbling. "You're serious, aren't you?" He stared at her and she realized he was serious. He honestly believed that Leora was going to leave him one day. Rogue shook her head. "So you're telling me if not for the fact that you're afraid you'll hurt me like you're gonna hurt her, you'd be jumping at the chance to be with me."
"Something like that," he wouldn't' lie to her, Bobby was damn lucky and when he'd heard they were dating he'd been pissed. Rogue was a great catch, but she was also like his daughter. Short of actually telling her that, he couldn't think of any other way to put this. And then there was the thing were she couldn't touch him.
"Then look at me like you look at her." He winced and she pressed on, trying to keep the desperation from her voice, "Just once, Logan. I'm serious, just do that for me once and it won't hurt so much."
"I can't," he answered finally and she nodded, tears streaking her face again.
"Get out," she whispered softly. He opened his mouth to say something, she could tell he was worried about her and that didn't' make it any better either, Rogue hated it when he worried about her, it made her feel about three years old. "I'm fine, I just want to be alone."
"You can always come to me," he said finally, drawing away from her and walking to the door. He didn't want to leave her like this, she could tell, but if she got any more of his false sympathy she was going to puke. Rogue knew the real reason he wouldn't be with her, he saw her like a little freak, even more freakish than him, he couldn't ever touch her even if he wanted to because of her damned 'power' and she was just a kid in his eyes.
"Right." She said to the closed door, turning to look at herself in the mirror. "I'm not a kid, Logan. And one of these days you're going to see that."