Disclaimer: I, who doesn't own Lok, is back. I do own, however, LocK. HAHA! Try and steal that, Eidos!
Holy Samaritan! I have fans! I've teamed up with a friend for this one, so expect true insanity. Thank you for the reviews
Angel-Chan- Thanks for the powder, I haven't felt better since second grade! (Hugs her, then slides his hand down her back, until she forces away, and punches him off his feet) I had that coming.
Concept of a demon- You're damn lucky I respond well to threats!
Onto the show!
Malek: You never learn, you son of b***h! (Tasers him again)
Agagagagagagawawawawawa!!! Dammit! Alright, fic! Onto the fic. (Muttering) Jerkass.
Malek: You little punk! (Tasers him again)
Awawawawalilolaleloratataa!!!!! FRAK!!
The Legacy of Chibi Kain
Chapter 2: New friends, author's friends
[Kain's Mausoleum]
Kain: Dammit, I'm not even three feet tall! What the Hell!? How am I supposed to get revenge if I'm a damn smurf?! What the Hell was that Necromancer thinking!?
Voice in a coffin: Shut the Hell up, you fraking mini-me wanna-be!
Kain: What the Hell did you call me?!
Different Voice in a coffin: He called you a Mini-me wanna-be, jackbutt! Now lemme sleep!
Kain: Alright, I'll give you sleep. Eternal sleep! (Runs to the coffin doing Xena's battle cry)
Voice 2: Shut up, you little psycho smurf!
Kain: Die! (Draws out his Iron Butter Knife) Wha-wha... WHAT THE HELL?!
Voice 1: Enough! Time to kick some ass, Ryan! (Kicks the top off of his coffin and jumps out) Ha!
Ryan: Deal! (Kicks his coffin open, then rolls out the hole he made in the side, lands flat on his face, and springs to his feet) I'm okay!
????: Sure you are.
Ryan: Where'd he go?!
????: (points down) Right there.
Ryan: Whoa! He is a smurf! Cool! Mike-man, that has got to be the funniest thing I have ever seen!
Mike: Hell yeah!
Kain: Quit making fun of me, I am the Great Kain of Coorhagen! I'll smite you! (Pokes Mike in the knee)
Mike: Ow! You little twirp-thing! I'd kill you, but I'd get my butt wiped out of this fic!
Ryan: Loser.
Kain: Explain, immediately, or face the wrath of the Iron Butter Knife!
Mike: Well you see, Seph0201 wanted to keep you alive, since chances are you'd get your chibi ass sliced a good deal of times. And then he made us Vampires, cool huh?
Kain: You actually wanted to suffer this curse?
Ryan: I never liked being human.
Kain: Why not?
Ryan: Because now they'll never let me near a school! HAHA!
Mike: Time to explain the combat system.
Kain: Combat system?
Mike: Yeah. Ryan uses the items we find during our quest, and I get the magic. Kain, you know what you are.
Kain: Uh... vertically challenged?
Ryan: Dude, you're a damn midget.
Mike: (mumbling) 2'4 dumbass.
Kain: Huh? What did you, child?
Mike: Drop the damn nobility act! You use the weapons, you twit!
Kain: Don't wanna fight off hordes of demon's with a stick, do you?
Ryan: That's beside the damn point!
Kain: Explain.
Mike: Dude, you're physical and spiritual strength is focused in your body. Since you're a damn smurf, your blood meter and magic meter are hella small.
Kain: I needn't a strong body to destroy my enemies!
Ryan: Yeah, you can just drop your pants.
Kain: Respect me dammit!
Mike: You wouldn't be able to hold a lot of item cards, either.
Kain: Fine, we do it like this!
Ryan: (singing) Onward Christian soldiers!
Kain and Mike: (death glare him)
Ryan: (confused) What? What did I do?
Mike: Let's just go guys.
In the first room
Mike: Oh my God!
Kain: (getting ready for a fight) Where?
Ryan: (sees it too) Dear God.
Kain: What the Hell is it?
Mike: Flay.
Kain: What?
Ryan: The flay! Sweet, I can blow the crap out of people!
Kain: Why can't I?
Mike: I told you, you get the weapons, I get the magic, and he has an infinite amount of any item he finds.
Kain: How the Hell does he get an infinite supply of items?
Ryan: Because I have... (pulls a box out from behind his back) The Inventory of Darkness!
Ryan Voice Over: Reputed to have mugged from the Legendary Janos Audron while he was helping some old lady cross a street, this item allows me to carry an infinite supply of, ironically, any item card I may find.
Mike: Cool!
Kain: At least you ain't got anything special!
Mike: I have the... (pulls out a very large vial) Magic Meter of Darkness.
Kain: Dammit! Why don't I have a belonging of Janos Audron?
Ryan: 'Cuz you suck.
Kain: Watch yourself! (Gets knocked over the head by a hovering spiked ball) Daddy went smack-smack!
Ryan: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAH!!
Mike: Jesus! Are you okay, Kain guy from distant Coorhagen?
Kain: (staggering around drunkenly, and singing) Daddy went smack-smack, smack-smack on my head!
Raziel: (runs in for no reason at all) Daddy, I love you!!
Kain: (sobers up) Oh shit! Ryan, stop him!
Raziel: Oh daddy, you're so cute as a chibi!
Mike: Ryan, end this, now!
Ryan: (slow-motion, draws a flay and throws it at Raziel) Die. (Echoes)
Raziel: (gets hit, to no effect) Heehee, that tickled!
Mike: !
Kain: Damn!
Ryan: Still alive! But how?
Mike: What's the weapon's description?
Ryan: I'll check... here!
Ryan Voice Over: These funky things shoot little energy blasts that tears the skin off their bones.
Raziel: That's funny, because I don't have any skin!
Mike: Kain, it's all up to you.
Kain: (draws his Iron Butter Knife) Let's see what you can do, little Razzzy-wazzy!
Raziel: I told you, I'm a big boy!
Kain: Yeah, and my Iron Armor fits. (The Iron Armor is actually normal size, and Kain poked eye holes through the stomach, he's wearing stilts so he can wear his boots, and instead of blood-red chain mail, he has red spandex) Now die! (Pokes Razzy-wazzy with the Iron Butter Knife)
Raz: Ow, that hurt, so now, I'm gonna hurt you! (Starts to fight Kain, clearly winning)
Mike: Crap. (Sees an item card) Hello, the group sanctuary. (Picks it up, and scribbles something on a notepad) Ryan, get over here.
Ryan: Huh? (Walks next to Mike) What's up?
Kain: Dammit, ow! OW I SAID!
Raziel: Nyuk-nyuk! I'm winning.
Kain: Crap!
Mike: Regroup! Now, you fraking smurf!
Kain: Alright already! (Hops next to them)
Mike: (waves to Raziel, then drops the note) Bye-bye! (Uses group sanctuary)
Raz: Huh? (Picks up the note) It says: Screw you, ball-less freak boy, we went to the Nemesis' fortress. Damn, how am I supposed to get to Stahlberg? (Runs out)
In the first room
Kain: (in a coffin with Mike and Ryan) Get the Hell off me!
Mike: Screw the both of you, then get off me!
Ryan: (on the top) Hee-hee, there's a picture of Umah taped onto the lid of this thing!
[silence for a few seconds]
Mike: Kain, are there any... 'disturbing' bodily fluids in this thing, cuz I'm on the bottom?
Kain: (innocently) Not much.
Mike: (freaked) OFF ME, BOTH OF YOU!!
There's some shuffling and the sound of glass breaking, then-
Ryan and Kain: (go flying out of the top) Whah!
Mike: (jumps out, and runs around screaming) EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW~!! :( (stops for a second, then runs out of the room so fast he leaves an after image)
Ryan: Should we look for him?
Kain: I'm hungry! I wanna suck some blood!
Ryan: Fine, time to eat.
Kain: (smiling like a chibi) Yum, food! (Runs out with his legs motoring like a chibi)
Ryan: Dido. (Same as Kain)
Back in the next room
Kain: Dear dark Gods!
Kain V.O. : Mike, in his madness, had left none of the denizens whole. Fragments of their massacred corpses lay strewn across every surface.
Ryan: (walks in with a blood mustache) Good feed, huh?
Kain V.O.: Or rather, Ryan in his desperate hunger had left none whole.
Ryan: Nope, Mike f**ked 'em up good, but he left one with 'RYAN' carved on her chest so I couldn't touch them.
Kain: Did you think that he might of just left that so you could tell which was yours?
Ryan: I guess I shouldn't of drunk the one with 'SMURF BOY' written on it, huh?
Kain: Screw it, I'll survive going a bit without feeding.
Tortured human in the distance: Please, help me kind sir... AHH...
Mike's Voice: (Evil laugh) HAHAHHA! Suffer for an eternity, IN MY STOMACH!
THUMP
Mike's Voice: (Loud gasp) (incredibly high pitched) Damn spiked ball! You popped my testicle!
Kain: We can catch up to him! (Chibi dashes, right into a green skeleton)
Green Skeleton: (British accent) Well, I never!
Ryan: Shouldn't you explode?
Skeleton: What would ever make you think that? (Explodes, raining green crap down on the guys)
Kain: Freaky. (Sees something) Hey, cool! A coffin! (Opens it, and a heart jumps out, freaking the Hel out of Kain) HOLY WAPPA!!
Ryan: (picks it up) Cool! (Smashes it open on a wall, and the goo gets sucked into the 'Inventory of Darkness')
Ryan Voice Over: Reputed to have been torn from the Chest of Darkness at the hands of that pussy ass Rziel when he was still human. Man, Janos was a sucker for Sarafan, first Raz, then the SL.
Ryan: (joking, holding it out at arms reach) Look at this black heart, how still it beats!
Kain: Hehheheh.
Mike's Voice: Not funny!
Kain: We gotta catch him!
In the next room
Grave Digger: Back, demon! Leave the child out of this!
Kain: God dammit! (Gets an idea)
Ryan: Screw you, I want the kid! Wait, that sounded gay! I mean... take the child, I care not for the life of one so small! (To himself) Damn, I am so cool!
Grave Digger: Come here boy!
Kain: (extends his arms) Pick me up!
Grave Digger: Okey-dokey little cool guy. (Picks Kain up)
Kain: Perish, mortal! (Bites into his throat)
Grave Digger: No baby, no! (Dies, but still stands)
Kain: (hanging by the guys neck, teeth still embedded)
Ryan: You're stuck, aren't you?
Kain: (muffled) Mwo! Mwo hy ham mot!
Ryan: Did you just say: "Damn! This man is hot?"
Kain: Mwo hy hid hot!
Ryan: And that my backside is hot?
Kain: Hammit! (Kicks off the guy, tearing his head off)
Ryan: Does the baby want to take a nap?
Kain: Hashhole! (Spits the guy's head away) Asshole!
Mike's Voice: So Bounty Hunter, are you here to catch me... or kill me?
Ryan: No references from other games!
Mike's Voice: (echoing laughter)
Ryan: That counts you freak!
Kain: Well, I'm full. Let's catch Mike!
The next room
Skeletons and spiked balls are circling the room, and a room branching off the right.
Kain: (sees a blood vial and the rune pyramid) Cool! You guys are a couple hundred years old, right?
Ryan: Are you calling me an old man?
Kain: So you two don't need those? (Points to them)
Ryan: Sure, just be careful. I'm going to check out that room.
Kain: Sweet. (Pokes any skeleton that gets near, and dodges the balls until he gets to the blood vial) Victory!
Kain Voice Over: This little baby lets me hold more blood, so I can get hit more.
Kain: Awesome!
Ryan: Hey Kain, I found the save point.
Kain: Cool, save our data.
Ryan: Got it. (places his hand on it, and a menu pops up) Let's see, save to slot one... good, memory isn't all taken... saving... do I wish to continue..? Hey Kain, do we want to continue?
Kain: Huh? (Gets smacked in the head) Dammit! What do you want?
Ryan: Do we want to continue?
Kain: Is the chapter done?
Ryan: No.
Kain: Yes, we want to continue.
Ryan: Yes.
Game has been saved. Have a nice day.
Ryan: Thank you!
Kain: (reaches the Rune Pyramid) Sweet. (Absorbs it)
Kain VO: This item let me use more magic before I tire out. Too bad Mike was the only person with the ability to use magic.
Kain: Son of a bitch!
Ryan: C'mon!
Next room, actually a hallway.
Kain: What the hell do we do?
Ryan: We could jump it.
Kain: I can't! I'm a Playstation chibi character who is a parody of an actual character.
Ryan: (looks at the three switches on the wall, three feet between them each) Then we have to figure this out.
Kain: What the Hell are we expected to do?
Ryan: I think we have to push them.
Kain: (walks over, shakily) He-he-here goes no-nothing... (pushes a switch, and gets so freaked when it lights up he jumps into Ryan's arms and holds him) Please, hold me!
Ryan: (face turning blue) I can't breath! (Staggers around in pain, and trips onto a switch. The path clears)
Kain: (jumps off with a chibi smile) Thank you! (Runs down to a human, stabs him in the neck while he tries to hug him, then runs into the next room)
Ryan: (drinks his blood from fifty feet away) Such a wasteful child. Why the hell do I only say cool things when I'm all alone?
Next room
Mike: Took you long enough. It's raining.
Kain: So?
Ryan: It burns like acid when it touches us.
Mike: C'mon man. (Walks outside)
Kain: I hope there are some hot women with dresses on. Heheh.
Ryan: Sick little chibi.
Outside
Grave Digger2: I buried you once, so I'm betting I can kill you!
Ryan: Try us! (Jumps him) (I meant what I wrote)
Kain: Vae Victus! (Runs at him)
Mike: (teleports three feet again and again and again etc)
Guy: Crap! (Gets dragged down by all three and gets his blood sucked) POOPY!
Mike: Look- (points to a building in the distance) another mausoleum. Cool.
Kain: Yeah! More blood vial's!
Ryan: More save points!
Kain and Mike: (death glare)
Ryan: What? She has a sexy voice!
Kain: (rain gets in the back of his armor) AHH! The water is getting in my armor! It burns!
Sebastion: (appears) No quoting my lines! (Kicks chibi Kain in the nuts)
Kain: Oof!
Mike: Come on, you can't beat up on the main character!
Sebastion: Why not?
Ryan: The consequences. Flay! (Throws it at him)
Sebastion: AHH!! (disappears while being stripped of skin)
Mike: Onto the next!
The guys make it to the next building, while ducking under trees. Once inside, Ryan tries to ask the automated voice of the save point to go on a date, Mike disembowels innocent people, and Kain gets his blood vial, while looking up a punished woman's dress, them got his magic rune. They horribly killed a lot of people, and spend a half hour in front of a puzzle.
Mike: I don't get it! We pressed all the buttons and it still won't open!
Kain: There's gotta be a trick to it.
Ryan: There's gotta be another blond down the hall. ^.-
Kain and Mike: (glare at him)
Ryan: What the hell did I do this time?
Mike: I have it! (Picks up a rock and throws it at a switch. It depresses and the hall opened) Joy.
The guys continued down, Ryan getting disappointed cuz there was no blond. Haha! And they exited the building, coming to a path in the woods.
Mike: Something important is going to happen here.
Kain: How can you tell?
Mike: No clue.
They come across a group of brigands, twelve in total.
Brigand 1: Hey guys, let's molest that kid!
Kain: Hell no! Attack!
The bandits break into three groups, four each.
Ryan: Let's go. (Flays them one by one)
Mike: (claws them to death, BO2 style, while yelling 'who's your daddy')
Kain: (stabs them in the balls and drinks their blood)
Mike: Freaking easy.
The team continues, and come across a sign reading Ziegsturhl.
Kain VO: The village where that old lady killed me. I was gonna enjoy killing the lot of 'em.
Old Lady: (sees Kain) Oh, look at the little baby! (Bends down to pick Kain up)
Kain: Vae Victus! (Stabs her in the neck)
Old Lady: Why you little brat! I'll beat you all up!
Ryan: Come get some, she bitch. (Flays her) Ew!
Kain: Gross!
Mike: I still can't fight back!
End
Author's Notes: Next time: Does Mike get a weapon? Does Ryan get a date? Does Ariel baby Kain? Find out, in the next chapter of Legacy of Chibi Kain! The next chapter will be good, cuz I'll be alone. Bastard isn't funny. Review, and tell me what to do! (It's hella easier that way)
Seph0201: Well, I didn't piss Malek off to much, so I didn't get my ass kicked. I swear, the next chapter I'll get rid of Mike and Ryan. (Unless someone likes them)
Holy Samaritan! I have fans! I've teamed up with a friend for this one, so expect true insanity. Thank you for the reviews
Angel-Chan- Thanks for the powder, I haven't felt better since second grade! (Hugs her, then slides his hand down her back, until she forces away, and punches him off his feet) I had that coming.
Concept of a demon- You're damn lucky I respond well to threats!
Onto the show!
Malek: You never learn, you son of b***h! (Tasers him again)
Agagagagagagawawawawawa!!! Dammit! Alright, fic! Onto the fic. (Muttering) Jerkass.
Malek: You little punk! (Tasers him again)
Awawawawalilolaleloratataa!!!!! FRAK!!
The Legacy of Chibi Kain
Chapter 2: New friends, author's friends
[Kain's Mausoleum]
Kain: Dammit, I'm not even three feet tall! What the Hell!? How am I supposed to get revenge if I'm a damn smurf?! What the Hell was that Necromancer thinking!?
Voice in a coffin: Shut the Hell up, you fraking mini-me wanna-be!
Kain: What the Hell did you call me?!
Different Voice in a coffin: He called you a Mini-me wanna-be, jackbutt! Now lemme sleep!
Kain: Alright, I'll give you sleep. Eternal sleep! (Runs to the coffin doing Xena's battle cry)
Voice 2: Shut up, you little psycho smurf!
Kain: Die! (Draws out his Iron Butter Knife) Wha-wha... WHAT THE HELL?!
Voice 1: Enough! Time to kick some ass, Ryan! (Kicks the top off of his coffin and jumps out) Ha!
Ryan: Deal! (Kicks his coffin open, then rolls out the hole he made in the side, lands flat on his face, and springs to his feet) I'm okay!
????: Sure you are.
Ryan: Where'd he go?!
????: (points down) Right there.
Ryan: Whoa! He is a smurf! Cool! Mike-man, that has got to be the funniest thing I have ever seen!
Mike: Hell yeah!
Kain: Quit making fun of me, I am the Great Kain of Coorhagen! I'll smite you! (Pokes Mike in the knee)
Mike: Ow! You little twirp-thing! I'd kill you, but I'd get my butt wiped out of this fic!
Ryan: Loser.
Kain: Explain, immediately, or face the wrath of the Iron Butter Knife!
Mike: Well you see, Seph0201 wanted to keep you alive, since chances are you'd get your chibi ass sliced a good deal of times. And then he made us Vampires, cool huh?
Kain: You actually wanted to suffer this curse?
Ryan: I never liked being human.
Kain: Why not?
Ryan: Because now they'll never let me near a school! HAHA!
Mike: Time to explain the combat system.
Kain: Combat system?
Mike: Yeah. Ryan uses the items we find during our quest, and I get the magic. Kain, you know what you are.
Kain: Uh... vertically challenged?
Ryan: Dude, you're a damn midget.
Mike: (mumbling) 2'4 dumbass.
Kain: Huh? What did you, child?
Mike: Drop the damn nobility act! You use the weapons, you twit!
Kain: Don't wanna fight off hordes of demon's with a stick, do you?
Ryan: That's beside the damn point!
Kain: Explain.
Mike: Dude, you're physical and spiritual strength is focused in your body. Since you're a damn smurf, your blood meter and magic meter are hella small.
Kain: I needn't a strong body to destroy my enemies!
Ryan: Yeah, you can just drop your pants.
Kain: Respect me dammit!
Mike: You wouldn't be able to hold a lot of item cards, either.
Kain: Fine, we do it like this!
Ryan: (singing) Onward Christian soldiers!
Kain and Mike: (death glare him)
Ryan: (confused) What? What did I do?
Mike: Let's just go guys.
In the first room
Mike: Oh my God!
Kain: (getting ready for a fight) Where?
Ryan: (sees it too) Dear God.
Kain: What the Hell is it?
Mike: Flay.
Kain: What?
Ryan: The flay! Sweet, I can blow the crap out of people!
Kain: Why can't I?
Mike: I told you, you get the weapons, I get the magic, and he has an infinite amount of any item he finds.
Kain: How the Hell does he get an infinite supply of items?
Ryan: Because I have... (pulls a box out from behind his back) The Inventory of Darkness!
Ryan Voice Over: Reputed to have mugged from the Legendary Janos Audron while he was helping some old lady cross a street, this item allows me to carry an infinite supply of, ironically, any item card I may find.
Mike: Cool!
Kain: At least you ain't got anything special!
Mike: I have the... (pulls out a very large vial) Magic Meter of Darkness.
Kain: Dammit! Why don't I have a belonging of Janos Audron?
Ryan: 'Cuz you suck.
Kain: Watch yourself! (Gets knocked over the head by a hovering spiked ball) Daddy went smack-smack!
Ryan: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAH!!
Mike: Jesus! Are you okay, Kain guy from distant Coorhagen?
Kain: (staggering around drunkenly, and singing) Daddy went smack-smack, smack-smack on my head!
Raziel: (runs in for no reason at all) Daddy, I love you!!
Kain: (sobers up) Oh shit! Ryan, stop him!
Raziel: Oh daddy, you're so cute as a chibi!
Mike: Ryan, end this, now!
Ryan: (slow-motion, draws a flay and throws it at Raziel) Die. (Echoes)
Raziel: (gets hit, to no effect) Heehee, that tickled!
Mike: !
Kain: Damn!
Ryan: Still alive! But how?
Mike: What's the weapon's description?
Ryan: I'll check... here!
Ryan Voice Over: These funky things shoot little energy blasts that tears the skin off their bones.
Raziel: That's funny, because I don't have any skin!
Mike: Kain, it's all up to you.
Kain: (draws his Iron Butter Knife) Let's see what you can do, little Razzzy-wazzy!
Raziel: I told you, I'm a big boy!
Kain: Yeah, and my Iron Armor fits. (The Iron Armor is actually normal size, and Kain poked eye holes through the stomach, he's wearing stilts so he can wear his boots, and instead of blood-red chain mail, he has red spandex) Now die! (Pokes Razzy-wazzy with the Iron Butter Knife)
Raz: Ow, that hurt, so now, I'm gonna hurt you! (Starts to fight Kain, clearly winning)
Mike: Crap. (Sees an item card) Hello, the group sanctuary. (Picks it up, and scribbles something on a notepad) Ryan, get over here.
Ryan: Huh? (Walks next to Mike) What's up?
Kain: Dammit, ow! OW I SAID!
Raziel: Nyuk-nyuk! I'm winning.
Kain: Crap!
Mike: Regroup! Now, you fraking smurf!
Kain: Alright already! (Hops next to them)
Mike: (waves to Raziel, then drops the note) Bye-bye! (Uses group sanctuary)
Raz: Huh? (Picks up the note) It says: Screw you, ball-less freak boy, we went to the Nemesis' fortress. Damn, how am I supposed to get to Stahlberg? (Runs out)
In the first room
Kain: (in a coffin with Mike and Ryan) Get the Hell off me!
Mike: Screw the both of you, then get off me!
Ryan: (on the top) Hee-hee, there's a picture of Umah taped onto the lid of this thing!
[silence for a few seconds]
Mike: Kain, are there any... 'disturbing' bodily fluids in this thing, cuz I'm on the bottom?
Kain: (innocently) Not much.
Mike: (freaked) OFF ME, BOTH OF YOU!!
There's some shuffling and the sound of glass breaking, then-
Ryan and Kain: (go flying out of the top) Whah!
Mike: (jumps out, and runs around screaming) EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW~!! :( (stops for a second, then runs out of the room so fast he leaves an after image)
Ryan: Should we look for him?
Kain: I'm hungry! I wanna suck some blood!
Ryan: Fine, time to eat.
Kain: (smiling like a chibi) Yum, food! (Runs out with his legs motoring like a chibi)
Ryan: Dido. (Same as Kain)
Back in the next room
Kain: Dear dark Gods!
Kain V.O. : Mike, in his madness, had left none of the denizens whole. Fragments of their massacred corpses lay strewn across every surface.
Ryan: (walks in with a blood mustache) Good feed, huh?
Kain V.O.: Or rather, Ryan in his desperate hunger had left none whole.
Ryan: Nope, Mike f**ked 'em up good, but he left one with 'RYAN' carved on her chest so I couldn't touch them.
Kain: Did you think that he might of just left that so you could tell which was yours?
Ryan: I guess I shouldn't of drunk the one with 'SMURF BOY' written on it, huh?
Kain: Screw it, I'll survive going a bit without feeding.
Tortured human in the distance: Please, help me kind sir... AHH...
Mike's Voice: (Evil laugh) HAHAHHA! Suffer for an eternity, IN MY STOMACH!
THUMP
Mike's Voice: (Loud gasp) (incredibly high pitched) Damn spiked ball! You popped my testicle!
Kain: We can catch up to him! (Chibi dashes, right into a green skeleton)
Green Skeleton: (British accent) Well, I never!
Ryan: Shouldn't you explode?
Skeleton: What would ever make you think that? (Explodes, raining green crap down on the guys)
Kain: Freaky. (Sees something) Hey, cool! A coffin! (Opens it, and a heart jumps out, freaking the Hel out of Kain) HOLY WAPPA!!
Ryan: (picks it up) Cool! (Smashes it open on a wall, and the goo gets sucked into the 'Inventory of Darkness')
Ryan Voice Over: Reputed to have been torn from the Chest of Darkness at the hands of that pussy ass Rziel when he was still human. Man, Janos was a sucker for Sarafan, first Raz, then the SL.
Ryan: (joking, holding it out at arms reach) Look at this black heart, how still it beats!
Kain: Hehheheh.
Mike's Voice: Not funny!
Kain: We gotta catch him!
In the next room
Grave Digger: Back, demon! Leave the child out of this!
Kain: God dammit! (Gets an idea)
Ryan: Screw you, I want the kid! Wait, that sounded gay! I mean... take the child, I care not for the life of one so small! (To himself) Damn, I am so cool!
Grave Digger: Come here boy!
Kain: (extends his arms) Pick me up!
Grave Digger: Okey-dokey little cool guy. (Picks Kain up)
Kain: Perish, mortal! (Bites into his throat)
Grave Digger: No baby, no! (Dies, but still stands)
Kain: (hanging by the guys neck, teeth still embedded)
Ryan: You're stuck, aren't you?
Kain: (muffled) Mwo! Mwo hy ham mot!
Ryan: Did you just say: "Damn! This man is hot?"
Kain: Mwo hy hid hot!
Ryan: And that my backside is hot?
Kain: Hammit! (Kicks off the guy, tearing his head off)
Ryan: Does the baby want to take a nap?
Kain: Hashhole! (Spits the guy's head away) Asshole!
Mike's Voice: So Bounty Hunter, are you here to catch me... or kill me?
Ryan: No references from other games!
Mike's Voice: (echoing laughter)
Ryan: That counts you freak!
Kain: Well, I'm full. Let's catch Mike!
The next room
Skeletons and spiked balls are circling the room, and a room branching off the right.
Kain: (sees a blood vial and the rune pyramid) Cool! You guys are a couple hundred years old, right?
Ryan: Are you calling me an old man?
Kain: So you two don't need those? (Points to them)
Ryan: Sure, just be careful. I'm going to check out that room.
Kain: Sweet. (Pokes any skeleton that gets near, and dodges the balls until he gets to the blood vial) Victory!
Kain Voice Over: This little baby lets me hold more blood, so I can get hit more.
Kain: Awesome!
Ryan: Hey Kain, I found the save point.
Kain: Cool, save our data.
Ryan: Got it. (places his hand on it, and a menu pops up) Let's see, save to slot one... good, memory isn't all taken... saving... do I wish to continue..? Hey Kain, do we want to continue?
Kain: Huh? (Gets smacked in the head) Dammit! What do you want?
Ryan: Do we want to continue?
Kain: Is the chapter done?
Ryan: No.
Kain: Yes, we want to continue.
Ryan: Yes.
Game has been saved. Have a nice day.
Ryan: Thank you!
Kain: (reaches the Rune Pyramid) Sweet. (Absorbs it)
Kain VO: This item let me use more magic before I tire out. Too bad Mike was the only person with the ability to use magic.
Kain: Son of a bitch!
Ryan: C'mon!
Next room, actually a hallway.
Kain: What the hell do we do?
Ryan: We could jump it.
Kain: I can't! I'm a Playstation chibi character who is a parody of an actual character.
Ryan: (looks at the three switches on the wall, three feet between them each) Then we have to figure this out.
Kain: What the Hell are we expected to do?
Ryan: I think we have to push them.
Kain: (walks over, shakily) He-he-here goes no-nothing... (pushes a switch, and gets so freaked when it lights up he jumps into Ryan's arms and holds him) Please, hold me!
Ryan: (face turning blue) I can't breath! (Staggers around in pain, and trips onto a switch. The path clears)
Kain: (jumps off with a chibi smile) Thank you! (Runs down to a human, stabs him in the neck while he tries to hug him, then runs into the next room)
Ryan: (drinks his blood from fifty feet away) Such a wasteful child. Why the hell do I only say cool things when I'm all alone?
Next room
Mike: Took you long enough. It's raining.
Kain: So?
Ryan: It burns like acid when it touches us.
Mike: C'mon man. (Walks outside)
Kain: I hope there are some hot women with dresses on. Heheh.
Ryan: Sick little chibi.
Outside
Grave Digger2: I buried you once, so I'm betting I can kill you!
Ryan: Try us! (Jumps him) (I meant what I wrote)
Kain: Vae Victus! (Runs at him)
Mike: (teleports three feet again and again and again etc)
Guy: Crap! (Gets dragged down by all three and gets his blood sucked) POOPY!
Mike: Look- (points to a building in the distance) another mausoleum. Cool.
Kain: Yeah! More blood vial's!
Ryan: More save points!
Kain and Mike: (death glare)
Ryan: What? She has a sexy voice!
Kain: (rain gets in the back of his armor) AHH! The water is getting in my armor! It burns!
Sebastion: (appears) No quoting my lines! (Kicks chibi Kain in the nuts)
Kain: Oof!
Mike: Come on, you can't beat up on the main character!
Sebastion: Why not?
Ryan: The consequences. Flay! (Throws it at him)
Sebastion: AHH!! (disappears while being stripped of skin)
Mike: Onto the next!
The guys make it to the next building, while ducking under trees. Once inside, Ryan tries to ask the automated voice of the save point to go on a date, Mike disembowels innocent people, and Kain gets his blood vial, while looking up a punished woman's dress, them got his magic rune. They horribly killed a lot of people, and spend a half hour in front of a puzzle.
Mike: I don't get it! We pressed all the buttons and it still won't open!
Kain: There's gotta be a trick to it.
Ryan: There's gotta be another blond down the hall. ^.-
Kain and Mike: (glare at him)
Ryan: What the hell did I do this time?
Mike: I have it! (Picks up a rock and throws it at a switch. It depresses and the hall opened) Joy.
The guys continued down, Ryan getting disappointed cuz there was no blond. Haha! And they exited the building, coming to a path in the woods.
Mike: Something important is going to happen here.
Kain: How can you tell?
Mike: No clue.
They come across a group of brigands, twelve in total.
Brigand 1: Hey guys, let's molest that kid!
Kain: Hell no! Attack!
The bandits break into three groups, four each.
Ryan: Let's go. (Flays them one by one)
Mike: (claws them to death, BO2 style, while yelling 'who's your daddy')
Kain: (stabs them in the balls and drinks their blood)
Mike: Freaking easy.
The team continues, and come across a sign reading Ziegsturhl.
Kain VO: The village where that old lady killed me. I was gonna enjoy killing the lot of 'em.
Old Lady: (sees Kain) Oh, look at the little baby! (Bends down to pick Kain up)
Kain: Vae Victus! (Stabs her in the neck)
Old Lady: Why you little brat! I'll beat you all up!
Ryan: Come get some, she bitch. (Flays her) Ew!
Kain: Gross!
Mike: I still can't fight back!
End
Author's Notes: Next time: Does Mike get a weapon? Does Ryan get a date? Does Ariel baby Kain? Find out, in the next chapter of Legacy of Chibi Kain! The next chapter will be good, cuz I'll be alone. Bastard isn't funny. Review, and tell me what to do! (It's hella easier that way)
Seph0201: Well, I didn't piss Malek off to much, so I didn't get my ass kicked. I swear, the next chapter I'll get rid of Mike and Ryan. (Unless someone likes them)