Disclaimer: I just sold my rights to Eidos. I now own nothing.
Angel-chan - Should've known better. Malek saw to it that I won't try anything dumb again.
Malek: (holding taser pike) Damn right you won't.
Concept of a demon- Is that so? Well it sure as hell motivated me. Don't worry, Mike and Ryan aren't going anywhere. ^-^
Plink- Thanks, I think. Yeah, the baby Kain thing is pretty cute.
Malek: No acts of humanity! (Tases him)
Gapadagapada! Dammit! Don't do that!
OrpheumZero- Thanks man! Heheh... ½ an inch, you say?
Alright then, on with the- (sees Malek getting ready) Fic!
Malek: Damn!
Loser! I said fic! Nya-nya!
Malek: (tases him anyway)
Gigigigigigiggigigigigiii!
Blood Omen: The Legacy of Chibi Kain
Chapter 3: That hot ghost
[Ziegsturhl]
The boys have just successfully avenged Kain's murder at the hands of some random old lady who thought he wanted to rape her. Kain now has his sights set on that Barkeep with the 11 clones (hopefully drowned clones by now).
Barkeep: (cleaning out a glass) Damn communists, come in here saying 'Lord Ottmar claims this beer in the name of the Nemesis!' Damn fools, I can't wait until they get executed by Nemesis, right my friend?
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S...
Barkeep: I hear you, that Valentine is hot alright.
Suddenly, the door is knocked of it's hinges by three Vampires.
Barkeep: Can I help you?
Vamp1: Is this Vasserbunde?
Barkeep: Bout a half hour past the Pillars.
Vamp2: Dammit!
Vamp3: We'll get there man. (Consoles the other one on his shoulder) We'll get there.
Vamp1: Thanks for the help.
Barkeep: No problem. (Watches them leave) Nice guys.
Another three Vampires come in, smashing through the windows.
Mike: Owowowowowow! I got a glass shard in my finger! Owowow! (Runs around in a circle crying like a baby)
Kain: (grabs him, bends him down, and slaps him in the face) Dignity, you over sized baby!!
Ryan: At least he isn't an undersized man.
Kain: (turns to Ryan and growls, like a little baby pretending to be a dinosaur)
Mike, Ryan and Barkeep: Aww...
Kain: Dammit! I'm not cute! If you try that again, I'll slap you so hard you'll see...
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S...
Kain: Right, you'll be seeing stars!
Barkeep: That annoying nobleman voice... it's you!
Mike: Yes, it is I!
Kain: He was talking to me, you retard.
Ryan: Freaking loser.
Mike: I'll frak you up so hard...
Barkeep: So you've come to take your revenge, smurf?
Kain: (draws Iron Butter knife) I'll jab you from crotch to gizzard, and feed on what's left of your clones...
Malek's Voice Off Set: You idiot!
ZAP
Author's Voice Off Set: Gipadagipadi!
Kain: What the hell was that?
Barkeep: You think you got what it takes, little man?
Kain: (tossing Knife from hand to hand) Bring it ON!!
Barkeep: Now!
Rambo and Terminator: (jump up from behind the bar)
Mike: 0-0!! Crap!! (dives for cover)
Ryan: Flay! (Throws out twelve) ^.-
Rambo: (shoots them out of midair)
Ryan: 0-0! (Stands there stunned)
Kain: (jumps in front of Ryan in slow-motion and deflects all the bullets coming for him with the Iron Butter Knife) Hurry, get away!
Mike: (hiding) Fox wanna-be! Take this! (Throws a grenade behind the bar)
Rambo: Shit, I should've stayed Rocky. (Gets blown up)
Terminator: (gets caught in the explosion, and comes out a metal skeleton) Asta la vista, mother #%@&er. (Pulls out a minigun)
Kain: Crud!
Ryan: (still stunned) He shot them... my beautiful's...
Mike: (gets an idea) Terminator joined STARS!
Nemesis: STARS! ROAR! (Picks up Terminator and sticks a tentacle through him)
Terminator: (opens fire on Nemesis)
Nemesis: (gets torn into, and mutates into the one with about a hundred tentacles) Come get some, robobitch.
Mike: Now! (Runs out)
Kain: Coward! (Runs out after him)
Ryan: (still stunned) Right out of midair...
Outside
Mike: Idiot's still inside.
Kain: Should we get him?
Mike: He's like Jacky Chan.
Kain: High pitched voice?
Mike: Yes, but he gets out of everything alive.
BOOM
The Bar is now no more that a crator, and all that remains in it, is a black with soot Ryan.
Ryan: My babies...
Kain: Holy crap! How d'he survive that?
Mike: The blood of a daredevil runs in his veins.
Ryan: (snaps out) I'll kill those bastards for hurting my flays! (Look's around) What..?
Mike: You did it again.
Kain: AGAIN?!
Ryan: Dammit, I hate it when I space out like that.
Kain: You do that often?
Ryan: All the time.
Kain: (sighs angrily) Alright them, we're off to the Pillars of Nosgoth.
Mortanius' Voice: That old lady was just the hand of your murder. Seek the Pillars, Kain.
Kain: Already on my way.
Morty: Really?
Mike: Yeah, you should really keep pace, old man.
Morty: I am not an old man, and dammit Seph, quit calling me Morty!
You got a better abbreviation for your name?
Morty: Malek, you know what to do.
Crud.
ZAP
Gabadigigabadigo!
Mortanius: So you're on your way to the Pillars?
Ryan: After we loot the village, yeah.
Mortanius: Carry on.
Kain: Carry on... who does he think he is?
Mike: The most powerful sorcerer on Nosgoth?
Kain: Point taken. To the Pillars... after we devastate the village.
Ryan: Maim... pain... DESTRUCTION!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!! (goes on a rampage, murdering people, burning houses and the like)
Mike: Wait for me! (Runs into a house, and the widows are splashed red)
Kain: When in Rome. (Draws the knife) Vae Victus! (Runs into a house)
Mother: Please good sir... please don't hurt my family!
Kain: (thinks about it) To bad.
Mother: (opens her eyes) Oh, it's just a little baby.
Kain: (mumbling) Damn lovable form.
Mother: Oh come here!
Kain: Damn you! (Kills her and drinks her blood)
Girl in bed: (snoring)
Kain: Die! (Swings his knife, and misses) Huh? Dammit, die! (Swings again and again, to no effect) What the hell? I'll just blood suck you! (Sucks her blood) Huh? Alright, midnight madness for me!
Mike's Voice: Call your dogs, they can feast on your corpses!
Dog: Grrrr, woof woof!
Mike's Voice: Ow! Your damn dog bit me! I'll sue!
Dog: Grrr...
Mike's Voice: Growl this!
[Slashing noise]
Dog: (whimpering)
Kain: I'm missing all the action! (Runs outside)
Ryan: (feeding on a girl)
Mike: Hey, all the buildings are collapsed except for the one you just came out of.
House collapses
Ryan: (discards body) Guess you screwed up there, huh? (Chibi grin) ^-^
Kain: I'm the most manly guy in the group, (watches Ryan grin like an idiot, then chase a butterfly, then Mike prance around) and I'm the damn chibi. Aw well. ^-^
Mike: (hopping around on one foot) Owowowowow! I got a freaking sliver in my toe! Ouchouchouch!
Ryan: Pretty butterfly! ^-^
Kain: -.- Let's go to the Pillars.
Mike: (pulls it out) Victory! (So happy he jumps as high as he can, and lands on a nail) o.o (looks down) Damn, (pulls his foot off) it went right through. Huh.
Ryan: (butterfly wings sticking out of his mouth, then get sucked in, and he swallows) Mike, why is it that you always act like a sissy when it barely stings, but don't even notice actual pain?
Mike: Something from my humanity.
Kain: TO THE PILLARS I SAID!!!
Mike and Ryan: (beside him in an instant) Yes sir!
Mike: (fake Russian accent) Comrade.
Kain: ? What the hell was that?
Ryan: He does accents all the time.
Mike: (walking out of town, stops by a bridge) Kain.
Kain: Raziel!
Ryan: (flipping out) Where?!
Notice the line's from SR?
Mike: Water scorches Vampire flesh like acid. Immersion in water, is fatal.
Kain: Who do you think you are? Umah?
Mike: (high voice) Oh Kain, I love you but I'm gonna steal your only hope for victory. I hope you aren't too miffed.
Ryan: ^-^ You sound just like her, Mike-kun.
Mike: (throws Ryan into the river) Dammit, quit talking like Goten!
Kain: Let's go already! (Chibi races out of town into the forest)
Ryan: Help! Help it burns!
Mike: The river's dry, you idiot.
Ryan: (hops onto the bridge, and puts on a hurt chibi face) Why are you so mean, Mike-kun?
Mike: (throws him back in) I warned you. (Teleports after Kain)
With Kain
Kain: (hiding behind a shrub, watching a group of brigands) They won't know what hit 'em.
Mike: (appears behind Kain, right in the open) Hey, Kain!
Brigand1: (points to Mike) Kill him!
Mike: Wait!!
Brigands: (stop a foot from them)
Random Brigand: Well?
Mike: Umm... (thinks for an instant) Can you do this? (Flicks his thumb from his index, lighting it on fire)
Brigands: (try in various ways to do it)
Kain: (whispering to Mike) Any ideas?
Mike: (fake smile) Let Ryan handle them.
Ryan's Voice: Kain-kun! Mike-kun! (Walks around the bend, and chibi smiles, again)
Ryan: Hey Mike!
Mike: Attack! (Jabs a brigand in the eye with his thumb)
Brigand: (running around with his eye on fire) It burns! (Runs into a tree and knocks himself out)
Kain: Face the wrath of my- (draws his blade) Butter Knife!
Brigand: (starts laughing)
Kain: Vae Victus! (Stabs his foot, and chases him around waving the knife around like a chibi) Yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!
Ryan: Flay! (Throws one, but it curves around a thief and hits Mike in the butt)
Mike: OW!!! You idiot, hit them, not me!
Ryan: Sorry! (Scratches the back of his head, then throws another one. It actually hits it's mark) Woohoo!
Kain: Yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi-(still chasing the man around)
Brigand: Doof! (Trips and buries his head into the dirt)
Kain: Ah! (Trips over him, and takes a whole group down) Whoops... @-@
Mike: (does it again, and a flamethrower magically appears in his hands) Burn baby, burn! (Flames a lot of people)
Flaming homosexua- er... Brigands: Ow! (Run around in pain, then stop and sing) Disco inferno!
Mike: (anime sweat drop) Just die. (Flames them again)
Brigands: Aaaahhhh!!! (die)
Ryan: (slaps one, then tears his throat out) Yummy. (Pats his belly, and chibi smiles. It looks strange because of the blood dripping down his lips)
Kain: (sits up, shakes his head to get his senses back, and gets up) Where the hell did they go?
Mike: (shrugs, and continues walking with the group)
Behind the tipped over cart is a dozen felled baindit's
Kain: (sees a sign) Hello. (Reads it) Look up to see the Pillars of Nosgoth.
The team: (Looks up and sees the Pillars of Nosgoth) Ooh.
Pillars: Damn right.
Mike: You hear something?
Ryan: Nope. (Continues walking)
Mike: (shrugs, and walks up to Kain, who stopped) What?
Kain: What the hell is that?
Mike: (sees the teleporter) Teleporter.
Ryan: Should bring us to the Pillars.
Kain: (steps through)
Ryan: (follows)
Mike: (looks around, makes sure no one is listening, and farts) God, yes. (Walks through)
THE PILLARS OF NOSGOTH
Ariel: Nupraptor, in your blind act of vengeance, you have doomed us all.
Mike: And by saying that Paladin's Lament blows monkey pole, I'll kill you.
Ariel: (turns to them) Uh-oh.
Mike: Uh-oh is right, you uh-ho!
Ariel: Hey!
Ryan: Weak.
Mike: Aw, c'mon!
Kain: (shakes his head) Dude.
Mike: Nevertheless, I'll kill you with my bare hands, specter! (Runs up to Ariel and tries to choke her) Damn insubstantial ho!
Ariel: I'm only insubstantial because I feel like it, jerk!
Ryan: Burn!
Mike: An you're a ho, why?
Kain: Oh! Burn and a half!
Ariel: (slaps Mike off of the Pillar's platform) Man-ho!
Kain: Tough lady.
Ariel: (sees Kain) Oh, the cute little baby. ^-^
Kain: Dammit woman!
Ariel: Do you want me to hug you close to my breast's?
Kain: (evil grin, runs over to her and gets picked up) Heheh...
Ariel: You two!
Mike and Ryan: (act innocent)
Ariel: If you're here, where's Kain?
Mike: Trying to sleep in your dirty pillows.
Ariel: What?
Ryan: Morty cursed him.
Ariel: Pervert! (Throws Kain away)
Kain: Hey! (Picks himself up) You invited me, spirit!
Ariel: I'll haunt you for that.
Kain: Not unless I become a Pillar, and not just a Guardian.
Mike: Burn!
Ariel: (to Mike) Shut the hell up, you little turd eater!!
Ryan: Someone still has her menstrual cramps.
Kain: Enough! I seek a cure, and Morty told me to seek one here.
Ariel: So Kain, ou seek to be free of the curse of Vampirism.
Kain: $#%@ Vampirism. I want ti be free of Morty's curse of Smurfiness!
Ariel: Smurfiness? You can't just make word's up Kain.
Kain: Watch me. Gagadoodle, smackwacker, bushbasher, Bush supporter-
Mike: Kain! The man is president!
Kain: - Chretien supporter-
Mike and Ryan: HEY!
Kain: Ariel's best friend-
Ariel: HEY!
Kain: Mike and Ryan's brains-
Mike: Can't argue.
Ryan: We would if we had brains.
Kain: -bloodsicles and finally, my favorite, Janos Audron's girlfriend.
Mike: To say the least, I'm frazzled.
Kain: And gay.
Mike: And g- hey! Watch it mini-fruit.
Ariel: Burn!
Kain: Don't you get started!
Mike: You don't really come off as intimidating. (Crouches down to look him in the eye) I wonder why?!
Kain: (slaps him) Nor do you, pussy boy.
Ryan: ^-^ You two are so funny! ^-^
Ariel: How do you guys do that? Mine always come out like 6-6 or .-, dammit!
Mike: Use shift.
Ariel: ^-^ It works!
Kain: The cure, woman-ghost!
Ariel: Aren't we mean? ^.-
Kain: You've over used it already!
Ryan: ^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^!!!!
Mike: (slaps him)
Kain: Now!
Ariel: My lover, the Mentalist Nupraptor went mad at my murder, and corrupted the Circle, believing the assailant to be a Guardian. Perhaps you've heard of him?
Mike: The keg king of Nosgoth, the greatest party animal to have ever lived.
Ryan: And our greatest benefactor.
Ariel: He hated Vampire's, how did he help you?!
Mike: After he broke down, we robbed him blind.
Ryan: Him sowing his eye's shut was an act of self loathing, not passion.
Ariel: And the lips?
Mike: Moebius moved in on him.
Ryan: Which is also why he sowed his butt shut. Heehee, I rhymed! ^-^
Kain: Nast-tacular!
Ariel: Kill him to cleanse the Pillar of the mind, and a small portion of your curse.
Kain: How small?
Ariel: ½ and inch per Guardian, and full healing after cleansing the Pillars.
Kain: D'OH!!
End
Author's Note: Plot twist grace a OrpheumZero. Review, please! Oh, and if you have any mean suggestions, send them in. That way, Malek won't tase me.
Malek: Oh, you'll slip eventually. (Poised to tase)
Help.
Angel-chan - Should've known better. Malek saw to it that I won't try anything dumb again.
Malek: (holding taser pike) Damn right you won't.
Concept of a demon- Is that so? Well it sure as hell motivated me. Don't worry, Mike and Ryan aren't going anywhere. ^-^
Plink- Thanks, I think. Yeah, the baby Kain thing is pretty cute.
Malek: No acts of humanity! (Tases him)
Gapadagapada! Dammit! Don't do that!
OrpheumZero- Thanks man! Heheh... ½ an inch, you say?
Alright then, on with the- (sees Malek getting ready) Fic!
Malek: Damn!
Loser! I said fic! Nya-nya!
Malek: (tases him anyway)
Gigigigigigiggigigigigiii!
Blood Omen: The Legacy of Chibi Kain
Chapter 3: That hot ghost
[Ziegsturhl]
The boys have just successfully avenged Kain's murder at the hands of some random old lady who thought he wanted to rape her. Kain now has his sights set on that Barkeep with the 11 clones (hopefully drowned clones by now).
Barkeep: (cleaning out a glass) Damn communists, come in here saying 'Lord Ottmar claims this beer in the name of the Nemesis!' Damn fools, I can't wait until they get executed by Nemesis, right my friend?
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S...
Barkeep: I hear you, that Valentine is hot alright.
Suddenly, the door is knocked of it's hinges by three Vampires.
Barkeep: Can I help you?
Vamp1: Is this Vasserbunde?
Barkeep: Bout a half hour past the Pillars.
Vamp2: Dammit!
Vamp3: We'll get there man. (Consoles the other one on his shoulder) We'll get there.
Vamp1: Thanks for the help.
Barkeep: No problem. (Watches them leave) Nice guys.
Another three Vampires come in, smashing through the windows.
Mike: Owowowowowow! I got a glass shard in my finger! Owowow! (Runs around in a circle crying like a baby)
Kain: (grabs him, bends him down, and slaps him in the face) Dignity, you over sized baby!!
Ryan: At least he isn't an undersized man.
Kain: (turns to Ryan and growls, like a little baby pretending to be a dinosaur)
Mike, Ryan and Barkeep: Aww...
Kain: Dammit! I'm not cute! If you try that again, I'll slap you so hard you'll see...
Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S...
Kain: Right, you'll be seeing stars!
Barkeep: That annoying nobleman voice... it's you!
Mike: Yes, it is I!
Kain: He was talking to me, you retard.
Ryan: Freaking loser.
Mike: I'll frak you up so hard...
Barkeep: So you've come to take your revenge, smurf?
Kain: (draws Iron Butter knife) I'll jab you from crotch to gizzard, and feed on what's left of your clones...
Malek's Voice Off Set: You idiot!
ZAP
Author's Voice Off Set: Gipadagipadi!
Kain: What the hell was that?
Barkeep: You think you got what it takes, little man?
Kain: (tossing Knife from hand to hand) Bring it ON!!
Barkeep: Now!
Rambo and Terminator: (jump up from behind the bar)
Mike: 0-0!! Crap!! (dives for cover)
Ryan: Flay! (Throws out twelve) ^.-
Rambo: (shoots them out of midair)
Ryan: 0-0! (Stands there stunned)
Kain: (jumps in front of Ryan in slow-motion and deflects all the bullets coming for him with the Iron Butter Knife) Hurry, get away!
Mike: (hiding) Fox wanna-be! Take this! (Throws a grenade behind the bar)
Rambo: Shit, I should've stayed Rocky. (Gets blown up)
Terminator: (gets caught in the explosion, and comes out a metal skeleton) Asta la vista, mother #%@&er. (Pulls out a minigun)
Kain: Crud!
Ryan: (still stunned) He shot them... my beautiful's...
Mike: (gets an idea) Terminator joined STARS!
Nemesis: STARS! ROAR! (Picks up Terminator and sticks a tentacle through him)
Terminator: (opens fire on Nemesis)
Nemesis: (gets torn into, and mutates into the one with about a hundred tentacles) Come get some, robobitch.
Mike: Now! (Runs out)
Kain: Coward! (Runs out after him)
Ryan: (still stunned) Right out of midair...
Outside
Mike: Idiot's still inside.
Kain: Should we get him?
Mike: He's like Jacky Chan.
Kain: High pitched voice?
Mike: Yes, but he gets out of everything alive.
BOOM
The Bar is now no more that a crator, and all that remains in it, is a black with soot Ryan.
Ryan: My babies...
Kain: Holy crap! How d'he survive that?
Mike: The blood of a daredevil runs in his veins.
Ryan: (snaps out) I'll kill those bastards for hurting my flays! (Look's around) What..?
Mike: You did it again.
Kain: AGAIN?!
Ryan: Dammit, I hate it when I space out like that.
Kain: You do that often?
Ryan: All the time.
Kain: (sighs angrily) Alright them, we're off to the Pillars of Nosgoth.
Mortanius' Voice: That old lady was just the hand of your murder. Seek the Pillars, Kain.
Kain: Already on my way.
Morty: Really?
Mike: Yeah, you should really keep pace, old man.
Morty: I am not an old man, and dammit Seph, quit calling me Morty!
You got a better abbreviation for your name?
Morty: Malek, you know what to do.
Crud.
ZAP
Gabadigigabadigo!
Mortanius: So you're on your way to the Pillars?
Ryan: After we loot the village, yeah.
Mortanius: Carry on.
Kain: Carry on... who does he think he is?
Mike: The most powerful sorcerer on Nosgoth?
Kain: Point taken. To the Pillars... after we devastate the village.
Ryan: Maim... pain... DESTRUCTION!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!! (goes on a rampage, murdering people, burning houses and the like)
Mike: Wait for me! (Runs into a house, and the widows are splashed red)
Kain: When in Rome. (Draws the knife) Vae Victus! (Runs into a house)
Mother: Please good sir... please don't hurt my family!
Kain: (thinks about it) To bad.
Mother: (opens her eyes) Oh, it's just a little baby.
Kain: (mumbling) Damn lovable form.
Mother: Oh come here!
Kain: Damn you! (Kills her and drinks her blood)
Girl in bed: (snoring)
Kain: Die! (Swings his knife, and misses) Huh? Dammit, die! (Swings again and again, to no effect) What the hell? I'll just blood suck you! (Sucks her blood) Huh? Alright, midnight madness for me!
Mike's Voice: Call your dogs, they can feast on your corpses!
Dog: Grrrr, woof woof!
Mike's Voice: Ow! Your damn dog bit me! I'll sue!
Dog: Grrr...
Mike's Voice: Growl this!
[Slashing noise]
Dog: (whimpering)
Kain: I'm missing all the action! (Runs outside)
Ryan: (feeding on a girl)
Mike: Hey, all the buildings are collapsed except for the one you just came out of.
House collapses
Ryan: (discards body) Guess you screwed up there, huh? (Chibi grin) ^-^
Kain: I'm the most manly guy in the group, (watches Ryan grin like an idiot, then chase a butterfly, then Mike prance around) and I'm the damn chibi. Aw well. ^-^
Mike: (hopping around on one foot) Owowowowow! I got a freaking sliver in my toe! Ouchouchouch!
Ryan: Pretty butterfly! ^-^
Kain: -.- Let's go to the Pillars.
Mike: (pulls it out) Victory! (So happy he jumps as high as he can, and lands on a nail) o.o (looks down) Damn, (pulls his foot off) it went right through. Huh.
Ryan: (butterfly wings sticking out of his mouth, then get sucked in, and he swallows) Mike, why is it that you always act like a sissy when it barely stings, but don't even notice actual pain?
Mike: Something from my humanity.
Kain: TO THE PILLARS I SAID!!!
Mike and Ryan: (beside him in an instant) Yes sir!
Mike: (fake Russian accent) Comrade.
Kain: ? What the hell was that?
Ryan: He does accents all the time.
Mike: (walking out of town, stops by a bridge) Kain.
Kain: Raziel!
Ryan: (flipping out) Where?!
Notice the line's from SR?
Mike: Water scorches Vampire flesh like acid. Immersion in water, is fatal.
Kain: Who do you think you are? Umah?
Mike: (high voice) Oh Kain, I love you but I'm gonna steal your only hope for victory. I hope you aren't too miffed.
Ryan: ^-^ You sound just like her, Mike-kun.
Mike: (throws Ryan into the river) Dammit, quit talking like Goten!
Kain: Let's go already! (Chibi races out of town into the forest)
Ryan: Help! Help it burns!
Mike: The river's dry, you idiot.
Ryan: (hops onto the bridge, and puts on a hurt chibi face) Why are you so mean, Mike-kun?
Mike: (throws him back in) I warned you. (Teleports after Kain)
With Kain
Kain: (hiding behind a shrub, watching a group of brigands) They won't know what hit 'em.
Mike: (appears behind Kain, right in the open) Hey, Kain!
Brigand1: (points to Mike) Kill him!
Mike: Wait!!
Brigands: (stop a foot from them)
Random Brigand: Well?
Mike: Umm... (thinks for an instant) Can you do this? (Flicks his thumb from his index, lighting it on fire)
Brigands: (try in various ways to do it)
Kain: (whispering to Mike) Any ideas?
Mike: (fake smile) Let Ryan handle them.
Ryan's Voice: Kain-kun! Mike-kun! (Walks around the bend, and chibi smiles, again)
Ryan: Hey Mike!
Mike: Attack! (Jabs a brigand in the eye with his thumb)
Brigand: (running around with his eye on fire) It burns! (Runs into a tree and knocks himself out)
Kain: Face the wrath of my- (draws his blade) Butter Knife!
Brigand: (starts laughing)
Kain: Vae Victus! (Stabs his foot, and chases him around waving the knife around like a chibi) Yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!
Ryan: Flay! (Throws one, but it curves around a thief and hits Mike in the butt)
Mike: OW!!! You idiot, hit them, not me!
Ryan: Sorry! (Scratches the back of his head, then throws another one. It actually hits it's mark) Woohoo!
Kain: Yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi-(still chasing the man around)
Brigand: Doof! (Trips and buries his head into the dirt)
Kain: Ah! (Trips over him, and takes a whole group down) Whoops... @-@
Mike: (does it again, and a flamethrower magically appears in his hands) Burn baby, burn! (Flames a lot of people)
Flaming homosexua- er... Brigands: Ow! (Run around in pain, then stop and sing) Disco inferno!
Mike: (anime sweat drop) Just die. (Flames them again)
Brigands: Aaaahhhh!!! (die)
Ryan: (slaps one, then tears his throat out) Yummy. (Pats his belly, and chibi smiles. It looks strange because of the blood dripping down his lips)
Kain: (sits up, shakes his head to get his senses back, and gets up) Where the hell did they go?
Mike: (shrugs, and continues walking with the group)
Behind the tipped over cart is a dozen felled baindit's
Kain: (sees a sign) Hello. (Reads it) Look up to see the Pillars of Nosgoth.
The team: (Looks up and sees the Pillars of Nosgoth) Ooh.
Pillars: Damn right.
Mike: You hear something?
Ryan: Nope. (Continues walking)
Mike: (shrugs, and walks up to Kain, who stopped) What?
Kain: What the hell is that?
Mike: (sees the teleporter) Teleporter.
Ryan: Should bring us to the Pillars.
Kain: (steps through)
Ryan: (follows)
Mike: (looks around, makes sure no one is listening, and farts) God, yes. (Walks through)
THE PILLARS OF NOSGOTH
Ariel: Nupraptor, in your blind act of vengeance, you have doomed us all.
Mike: And by saying that Paladin's Lament blows monkey pole, I'll kill you.
Ariel: (turns to them) Uh-oh.
Mike: Uh-oh is right, you uh-ho!
Ariel: Hey!
Ryan: Weak.
Mike: Aw, c'mon!
Kain: (shakes his head) Dude.
Mike: Nevertheless, I'll kill you with my bare hands, specter! (Runs up to Ariel and tries to choke her) Damn insubstantial ho!
Ariel: I'm only insubstantial because I feel like it, jerk!
Ryan: Burn!
Mike: An you're a ho, why?
Kain: Oh! Burn and a half!
Ariel: (slaps Mike off of the Pillar's platform) Man-ho!
Kain: Tough lady.
Ariel: (sees Kain) Oh, the cute little baby. ^-^
Kain: Dammit woman!
Ariel: Do you want me to hug you close to my breast's?
Kain: (evil grin, runs over to her and gets picked up) Heheh...
Ariel: You two!
Mike and Ryan: (act innocent)
Ariel: If you're here, where's Kain?
Mike: Trying to sleep in your dirty pillows.
Ariel: What?
Ryan: Morty cursed him.
Ariel: Pervert! (Throws Kain away)
Kain: Hey! (Picks himself up) You invited me, spirit!
Ariel: I'll haunt you for that.
Kain: Not unless I become a Pillar, and not just a Guardian.
Mike: Burn!
Ariel: (to Mike) Shut the hell up, you little turd eater!!
Ryan: Someone still has her menstrual cramps.
Kain: Enough! I seek a cure, and Morty told me to seek one here.
Ariel: So Kain, ou seek to be free of the curse of Vampirism.
Kain: $#%@ Vampirism. I want ti be free of Morty's curse of Smurfiness!
Ariel: Smurfiness? You can't just make word's up Kain.
Kain: Watch me. Gagadoodle, smackwacker, bushbasher, Bush supporter-
Mike: Kain! The man is president!
Kain: - Chretien supporter-
Mike and Ryan: HEY!
Kain: Ariel's best friend-
Ariel: HEY!
Kain: Mike and Ryan's brains-
Mike: Can't argue.
Ryan: We would if we had brains.
Kain: -bloodsicles and finally, my favorite, Janos Audron's girlfriend.
Mike: To say the least, I'm frazzled.
Kain: And gay.
Mike: And g- hey! Watch it mini-fruit.
Ariel: Burn!
Kain: Don't you get started!
Mike: You don't really come off as intimidating. (Crouches down to look him in the eye) I wonder why?!
Kain: (slaps him) Nor do you, pussy boy.
Ryan: ^-^ You two are so funny! ^-^
Ariel: How do you guys do that? Mine always come out like 6-6 or .-, dammit!
Mike: Use shift.
Ariel: ^-^ It works!
Kain: The cure, woman-ghost!
Ariel: Aren't we mean? ^.-
Kain: You've over used it already!
Ryan: ^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^_^!!!!
Mike: (slaps him)
Kain: Now!
Ariel: My lover, the Mentalist Nupraptor went mad at my murder, and corrupted the Circle, believing the assailant to be a Guardian. Perhaps you've heard of him?
Mike: The keg king of Nosgoth, the greatest party animal to have ever lived.
Ryan: And our greatest benefactor.
Ariel: He hated Vampire's, how did he help you?!
Mike: After he broke down, we robbed him blind.
Ryan: Him sowing his eye's shut was an act of self loathing, not passion.
Ariel: And the lips?
Mike: Moebius moved in on him.
Ryan: Which is also why he sowed his butt shut. Heehee, I rhymed! ^-^
Kain: Nast-tacular!
Ariel: Kill him to cleanse the Pillar of the mind, and a small portion of your curse.
Kain: How small?
Ariel: ½ and inch per Guardian, and full healing after cleansing the Pillars.
Kain: D'OH!!
End
Author's Note: Plot twist grace a OrpheumZero. Review, please! Oh, and if you have any mean suggestions, send them in. That way, Malek won't tase me.
Malek: Oh, you'll slip eventually. (Poised to tase)
Help.