Life After...
Chapter 7
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I see all my friends. They look so sad and I wonder why as I sit in the back of the church and watch them wander in.
There's Kim with Jimmy. His hand is at her elbow as if she needs help to move toward the front of the church. She's been crying and now that I look closely, it looks like Jimmy's been crying too. It's then that I notice Jimmy is holding on to the little hand of Joey who is walking beside him. He's so cute in his suit and I smile. Finally, they find a seat. I want to go and sit with them, but before I can get up and move, someone else is coming into the church.
I look up from my seat and see D.K. and Walsh, the somber looks on their faces a grim reminder of how everyone felt during the services for all those killed on 9/11. I can't remember for the life of me who's funeral we're here for today. It must be one of our own because as I watch everyone file in they are wearing their dress uniforms, the badges covered by the black elastic band. I watch as D.K. and Walsh take a seat behind Jimmy and Kim as I sit and try to remember who this funeral is for.
"So, how are you doing?" I hear Carlos quietly ask Doc as they file into the church.
"I'm fine," Doc answers, looking away from Carlos as he speaks. I see by the look in his eyes that he is lying as he looks right at me and I nod to him. Wait - it's as though he doesn't even see me sitting here. They continue to walk into the church and sit down.
I hear a familiar voice from behind me and I turn and smile. It's Ty. I've missed him so much. I really need to make a point of getting him aside to find a time that we can talk. We really should talk things out. Everything is just so awkward between us. If we can't go on together, I want us to at least be friends again. I stand as Ty and Sully come up alongside me, but they keep on walking as if I'm not there.
"Is her Mom here yet?" Sully asks, looking around slightly.
"I don't know. I didn't see her. It must be really hard on her," Ty says, a slight crack in his voice that doesn't escape Sully's notice. Sully puts a hand on his partner's shoulder and gives it a squeeze.
"It's hard on all of us," he says simply as they walk away.
"Ty," I call after him. He stops for a moment as though he hears me. He looks around for where the voice came from. "I'm right here, Ty," I say to him. He looks right through me, shakes his head slightly and walks on.
I follow him and catch up to him as he sits down on the aisle amidst the other members of the FDNY and NYPD of the 55th Precinct. I touch his shoulder and feel him tense slightly.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Is it okay if I sit here?" I ask as he looks in my direction again. There is no response as he makes no effort to move over. "Ty?" I ask again as he shivers and turns back toward Sully, his eyes watery.
"What is it, Ty?" Sully asks with concern. You take a deep breath and shake your head. "I just can't believe it. I saw it, but I don't believe it. It's like I still feel her here," he whispers and Sully nods his head in agreement.
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I start to say something, but I feel the presence of someone in the room. I turn toward the back of the church and see you both. Mom, you look so tired and worn. Adam, you're walking alongside of her, a look of real concern on your face as you help her up the aisle. You're wearing that black suit again, Mom - the one you wore at Dad's funeral. Wait! I suddenly realize that I don't see Lt. Johnson anywhere. I turn around looking for him and then I see the casket at the front of the church.
"NO!" I hear myself yell as I walk toward the casket. "What? How?" I wonder as I reach the casket and put a hand on it. "What happened to the Lieutenant?" I ask, but no one answers.
I hear you behind me Adam. "Right here, Mom," you say as you help Mom into the first pew. I look around the pew and see all of our relatives here. They've been crying. Uncle Mike is STILL crying.
I reach out to touch you Mom, but I don't feel you when I touch your shoulder. You don't even notice that I'm there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Suddenly, I start to remember. I'm on top of the car and as I hear the sound of expanding metal, I look over to the Lieutenant who just told me to get off of the car. Our eyes lock on each other as we realize what is about to happen. I can't believe that I'm going to go this way - not as a firefighter, but as a paramedic!
I feel the explosion throw me through the air and I land hard on the ground. I feel funny. I can't feel my legs. I hear something hit the ground next to me and see legs and feet sticking out from under a piece of the car. I feel a burning pain across my torso as I hear Kim call my name. Carlos and Ty are there and I call out to them. "How am I doin'?" I yell as I realize that I'm hurt bad. I feel myself going into shock. Carlos comes up to me and leans down next to me. He is smiling, but it's not a normal smile. I hear him say that it's going to be all right. It seems as everything is in a fog and suddenly my mind registers that the feet next to me are my own.
Oh God, I can't believe this. I wonder where the Lieutenant is, but my mind won't let me call out to him. I look around and see Kim and Ty - the looks of shock and sadness taking over their faces.
It's getting darker now and I know I don't have much time left. My last thoughts are of my mother. I talked to Kim about this when I got hit by that car earlier this year. I don't think she could survive it if something happened to me, I said. My eyes focus on Carlos for a moment. He is telling me everything is going to be okay and I believe him, but I'm worried about my mother. "Tell my mother that it didn't hurt," I tell him as everything goes black.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm brought back to the present now - to the funeral. My funeral. Not a bad turnout. I look around and see all my friends and co-workers. I'll miss you all. The priest finishes up the service and I sense that it is my time to go. I walk down the aisle and stop at each of my friends. I put a hand on them and even if they don't understand it completely, I think they know that it's me saying goodbye. I touch the side of Joey's face and he is the only one that I believe actually sees me. Must be the innocence and openness of youth. He smiles at me and I whisper, "Tell everyone that I said goodbye. Tell them I'm okay."
He nods to me and I move on to the next person, touching each one of them on my way. I'm outside of the church now, floating in the sky - away from the church. I look down and see Angel of Mercy Hospital. I feel myself floating toward the building and suddenly I'm inside.
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I'm in a hospital room and I look over to see you. You're sleeping, but fitfully. A nurse comes into the room and I hear her say that you must be dreaming again. I suddenly see you back at the accident. Our eyes are locked on each other. I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you Lieu. It was my fault. I want you to understand that it was my fault. You were right. I shouldn't have been up there, but I also know that you would have done the same thing. It's not about us - it's about the people that need our help. They always come first. Some people don't understand how we do what we do everyday, but it's simple. It's just who we are. It's not something you acquire - you're born with it in you.
What's that? Yes, I'll be okay. Yes, I'm anxious to see my father again - and Bobby.
I feel myself floating away again as I see you relax and rest. Get well soon, Lieu. Fight hard. What's that? I look around and then I see.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Alex! Come this way. I've been waiting for you. He told me you were coming up today. I begged Him to spare you, but He said that there was nothing He could do. It's your time."
"Daddy?" I say as my eyes fill with tears. "I've missed you so much. I tried to find you, Daddy. I didn't want to stop looking for you, but then I got the news that they'd found you. I didn't believe it, but they told me that it was definitely you."
"I know, Alex. I'm sorry. I never wanted it to happen. It's just that..."
"I know, Daddy. I know," I say as we begin to walk.
"I'm proud of you, Alex," you say to me softly and I smile.
"I hope so, Daddy. I want you to be."
"I always was, Alex. Always. Don't worry about your Mom. Adam will take care of her. We'll see her again one day and we can always check in from time to time."
"I know, but she looks so sad," I say as my voice quivers. You put your arm around me and pull me closer as we walk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Alex!" I look up.
"Bobby! It's so good to see you," I say as I run to you and hug you.
"I've been watching over everyone down there. Thanks for helping Kim," Bobby says. "It was pretty rough there for awhile. I was really worried about her."
"We all were. I'm just glad that we were able to help her. She's doing good now. I think that maybe she and Jimmy may get back together," I tell you.
You snicker a little and then say, "I think Jimmy can handle it now. He's grown up a lot these last few years."
"We all have," I say.
We all walk together. I take one last look back over Camelot and my friends. They'll be okay. They have each other. "We need to keep an eye on Bosco and Faith, Bobby. That Cruz - she's trouble."
"We will, Alex. We will," you both say to me as we walk through a thick cloud and disappear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The End.
Chapter 7
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I see all my friends. They look so sad and I wonder why as I sit in the back of the church and watch them wander in.
There's Kim with Jimmy. His hand is at her elbow as if she needs help to move toward the front of the church. She's been crying and now that I look closely, it looks like Jimmy's been crying too. It's then that I notice Jimmy is holding on to the little hand of Joey who is walking beside him. He's so cute in his suit and I smile. Finally, they find a seat. I want to go and sit with them, but before I can get up and move, someone else is coming into the church.
I look up from my seat and see D.K. and Walsh, the somber looks on their faces a grim reminder of how everyone felt during the services for all those killed on 9/11. I can't remember for the life of me who's funeral we're here for today. It must be one of our own because as I watch everyone file in they are wearing their dress uniforms, the badges covered by the black elastic band. I watch as D.K. and Walsh take a seat behind Jimmy and Kim as I sit and try to remember who this funeral is for.
"So, how are you doing?" I hear Carlos quietly ask Doc as they file into the church.
"I'm fine," Doc answers, looking away from Carlos as he speaks. I see by the look in his eyes that he is lying as he looks right at me and I nod to him. Wait - it's as though he doesn't even see me sitting here. They continue to walk into the church and sit down.
I hear a familiar voice from behind me and I turn and smile. It's Ty. I've missed him so much. I really need to make a point of getting him aside to find a time that we can talk. We really should talk things out. Everything is just so awkward between us. If we can't go on together, I want us to at least be friends again. I stand as Ty and Sully come up alongside me, but they keep on walking as if I'm not there.
"Is her Mom here yet?" Sully asks, looking around slightly.
"I don't know. I didn't see her. It must be really hard on her," Ty says, a slight crack in his voice that doesn't escape Sully's notice. Sully puts a hand on his partner's shoulder and gives it a squeeze.
"It's hard on all of us," he says simply as they walk away.
"Ty," I call after him. He stops for a moment as though he hears me. He looks around for where the voice came from. "I'm right here, Ty," I say to him. He looks right through me, shakes his head slightly and walks on.
I follow him and catch up to him as he sits down on the aisle amidst the other members of the FDNY and NYPD of the 55th Precinct. I touch his shoulder and feel him tense slightly.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Is it okay if I sit here?" I ask as he looks in my direction again. There is no response as he makes no effort to move over. "Ty?" I ask again as he shivers and turns back toward Sully, his eyes watery.
"What is it, Ty?" Sully asks with concern. You take a deep breath and shake your head. "I just can't believe it. I saw it, but I don't believe it. It's like I still feel her here," he whispers and Sully nods his head in agreement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I start to say something, but I feel the presence of someone in the room. I turn toward the back of the church and see you both. Mom, you look so tired and worn. Adam, you're walking alongside of her, a look of real concern on your face as you help her up the aisle. You're wearing that black suit again, Mom - the one you wore at Dad's funeral. Wait! I suddenly realize that I don't see Lt. Johnson anywhere. I turn around looking for him and then I see the casket at the front of the church.
"NO!" I hear myself yell as I walk toward the casket. "What? How?" I wonder as I reach the casket and put a hand on it. "What happened to the Lieutenant?" I ask, but no one answers.
I hear you behind me Adam. "Right here, Mom," you say as you help Mom into the first pew. I look around the pew and see all of our relatives here. They've been crying. Uncle Mike is STILL crying.
I reach out to touch you Mom, but I don't feel you when I touch your shoulder. You don't even notice that I'm there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Suddenly, I start to remember. I'm on top of the car and as I hear the sound of expanding metal, I look over to the Lieutenant who just told me to get off of the car. Our eyes lock on each other as we realize what is about to happen. I can't believe that I'm going to go this way - not as a firefighter, but as a paramedic!
I feel the explosion throw me through the air and I land hard on the ground. I feel funny. I can't feel my legs. I hear something hit the ground next to me and see legs and feet sticking out from under a piece of the car. I feel a burning pain across my torso as I hear Kim call my name. Carlos and Ty are there and I call out to them. "How am I doin'?" I yell as I realize that I'm hurt bad. I feel myself going into shock. Carlos comes up to me and leans down next to me. He is smiling, but it's not a normal smile. I hear him say that it's going to be all right. It seems as everything is in a fog and suddenly my mind registers that the feet next to me are my own.
Oh God, I can't believe this. I wonder where the Lieutenant is, but my mind won't let me call out to him. I look around and see Kim and Ty - the looks of shock and sadness taking over their faces.
It's getting darker now and I know I don't have much time left. My last thoughts are of my mother. I talked to Kim about this when I got hit by that car earlier this year. I don't think she could survive it if something happened to me, I said. My eyes focus on Carlos for a moment. He is telling me everything is going to be okay and I believe him, but I'm worried about my mother. "Tell my mother that it didn't hurt," I tell him as everything goes black.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm brought back to the present now - to the funeral. My funeral. Not a bad turnout. I look around and see all my friends and co-workers. I'll miss you all. The priest finishes up the service and I sense that it is my time to go. I walk down the aisle and stop at each of my friends. I put a hand on them and even if they don't understand it completely, I think they know that it's me saying goodbye. I touch the side of Joey's face and he is the only one that I believe actually sees me. Must be the innocence and openness of youth. He smiles at me and I whisper, "Tell everyone that I said goodbye. Tell them I'm okay."
He nods to me and I move on to the next person, touching each one of them on my way. I'm outside of the church now, floating in the sky - away from the church. I look down and see Angel of Mercy Hospital. I feel myself floating toward the building and suddenly I'm inside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm in a hospital room and I look over to see you. You're sleeping, but fitfully. A nurse comes into the room and I hear her say that you must be dreaming again. I suddenly see you back at the accident. Our eyes are locked on each other. I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you Lieu. It was my fault. I want you to understand that it was my fault. You were right. I shouldn't have been up there, but I also know that you would have done the same thing. It's not about us - it's about the people that need our help. They always come first. Some people don't understand how we do what we do everyday, but it's simple. It's just who we are. It's not something you acquire - you're born with it in you.
What's that? Yes, I'll be okay. Yes, I'm anxious to see my father again - and Bobby.
I feel myself floating away again as I see you relax and rest. Get well soon, Lieu. Fight hard. What's that? I look around and then I see.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Alex! Come this way. I've been waiting for you. He told me you were coming up today. I begged Him to spare you, but He said that there was nothing He could do. It's your time."
"Daddy?" I say as my eyes fill with tears. "I've missed you so much. I tried to find you, Daddy. I didn't want to stop looking for you, but then I got the news that they'd found you. I didn't believe it, but they told me that it was definitely you."
"I know, Alex. I'm sorry. I never wanted it to happen. It's just that..."
"I know, Daddy. I know," I say as we begin to walk.
"I'm proud of you, Alex," you say to me softly and I smile.
"I hope so, Daddy. I want you to be."
"I always was, Alex. Always. Don't worry about your Mom. Adam will take care of her. We'll see her again one day and we can always check in from time to time."
"I know, but she looks so sad," I say as my voice quivers. You put your arm around me and pull me closer as we walk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Alex!" I look up.
"Bobby! It's so good to see you," I say as I run to you and hug you.
"I've been watching over everyone down there. Thanks for helping Kim," Bobby says. "It was pretty rough there for awhile. I was really worried about her."
"We all were. I'm just glad that we were able to help her. She's doing good now. I think that maybe she and Jimmy may get back together," I tell you.
You snicker a little and then say, "I think Jimmy can handle it now. He's grown up a lot these last few years."
"We all have," I say.
We all walk together. I take one last look back over Camelot and my friends. They'll be okay. They have each other. "We need to keep an eye on Bosco and Faith, Bobby. That Cruz - she's trouble."
"We will, Alex. We will," you both say to me as we walk through a thick cloud and disappear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The End.