SKIPPABLE CHAPTER NOTES: I don't know why I had so many problems with these chapters - I can't help but feel they went a little slow-paced. I hope that's not the case. ^^; And you will see the rest of the gang in the next chapter... promise. *idly ponders how many chapters it will end up taking to finish the story...*
And thanks so much for the reviews thus far -- I'm glad to hear that people are enjoying the story. =)
~Kit
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"Why do I get myself into these predicaments...?" Edd asked himself wearily as he finished waxing his floor. Exhausted, he wiped sweat from his forehead. He'd had enough of waxing floors to last himself a lifetime, and his decision to repeat the task on Thursday in order to avoid conflict with his steam cleaning schedule was enough to make him seriously consider an attempt at a new invention: self-cleaning floor surfaces.
Luckily, Ed had been there to help move the furniture as he had usually done on floor waxing days... Edd might have just collapsed and wished for a quick death otherwise. Now, if only Eddy would have been so kind.
"I'm finished, Eddy!" he called to his friend, trudging off to put the cleaning supplies away and get himself a much needed drink of water. A bath would have been much more gratifying, but he knew Eddy's impatience would prevent any possibility of that happening.
"Woohoo!" Eddy exclaimed, racing in from lounging outside in the sun. "It's about time, Sockhead!"
Eddy slid around in the unfurnished living room as Edd disappeared into the kitchen with a frown. Eddy could be so gallingly unappreciative at times... He poured himself a glass of water, guzzling it and taking a moment to ponder exactly how much damage his house was going to inevitably suffer... and just how he was going to explain it to his parents.
Eddy continued to skate around as his friend stood in the entrance to the kitchen. "This is sweet, Double D! Why didn't I think of this sooner?"
Edd's response didn't get the chance to leave his mouth. He blinked as Ed suddenly grabbed Eddy from behind and with a jolly "Upsy-daisy!" threw him in the air. Eddy let out a startled yelp as he went flying for what must've been the eighth time that morning. Beneath him, Ed twirled around rapidly on one foot. He stopped and caught Eddy by his hands, holding him upside-down in the air. He ended his show by posing on one knee, still balancing Eddy just above his head.
Eddy's aggravation quickly gave way to astonishment. "Wow, Lumpy, you ain't half bad..." he said, looking down in awe at his normally clumsy friend.
Ed grinned proudly. "Nope! I'm all bad and a bag of leeks."
Edd was no less impressed with Ed's sudden display of agility. "Bravo, Ed! You have a natural talent there!" he praised, applauding.
"Where?" Ed turned around to see. Not seeing anything, he simply looked back at Edd vacantly. Maybe he would show it to him later.
"I must say that I'm truly impressed to see such agility from you, Ed," Edd added as he carefully entered the room.
Ed smiled broadly. He wasn't exactly sure what this 'agility' and 'talent' stuff was, but he was pleased that his friends were happy with his performance... it gave him a warm, fuzzy kind of feeling. Kind of like he was swimming in a pool of dryer lint. Ah, that would be the life... he would have to try that sometime.
Meanwhile, Eddy had all but completely lost his wonderment. "Yeah yeah, we'll get him a tutu later," he said, beginning to lose his balance.
"A blue one!? With sequins!?" Ed asked excitedly."Yeah, sure, fine, whatever!" Eddy struggled to keep his balance. "All right, Burrhead... as much as I've always wanted to be up close and personal with your flaky hair, can you let go of me now?" The blood was rushing to his head, causing him to wobble and almost fall despite Ed's firm grasp.
"Eddy, Roger!" Ed flipped his shorter friend in front of him and placed him on his feet, which only caused the disorientated Eddy to slip and fall. Grumbling, he stood up carefully. He'd had about enough of both flying through the air and falling on his backside for the day.
"Perhaps you'll allow us to view an encore of your performance after the contest?" Edd asked Ed as he made his way to the front door and opened it. "I'm sure the others will be most impressed as well."
Ed scratched his head at his friend's question. "But, I don't have an anchor, Double D." Sometimes Ed just couldn't understand his friend's odd requests. Not to mention the weird way he pronounced things. Nevertheless, he'd hate to let his bud down. What if he needed it for some important... science, um... thingamajigger? "I know! I will find one for you!" Ed grinned proudly at his gesture of goodwill.
"Um... yes, well... thank you, Ed..." Edd answered politely as he peered out the door to check on the sign they had set outside to dry earlier. "But I wasn't-"
"Anchor for Double D! Would you like fries with that?"
"Uh, no, Ed, I-"
"One anchor, hold the fries!" Ed announced as he ran - or more precisely, slid - out of the house awkwardly, seemingly having lost any of the grace he had possessed only moments before.
Eddy pushed Edd out of the doorway and poked his head outside. "Ed, you lump! Get back here! We're not done yet!" But Ed was already turning the corner of the cul-de-sac, too intent on his anchor hunt to heed Eddy's frustrated calls.
Edd simply shook his head and let him go. Sometimes he felt that there wasn't any use trying to correct Ed's misinterpretations. He'd just let it go this time... even if he was running around outside without shoes. So careless...
"Great," Eddy growled as he turned back to Edd. He poked his friend in the chest. "You just had to get him started. Who knows when he'll get back!" Edd watched Eddy head for his kitchen. "I'm getting a drink. All this hard work's made me thirsty."
Edd sighed. He'd never change, so what was the point of getting angry? It wouldn't get him anywhere. Besides, it wasn't as if Eddy ever actually noticed when he got angry... and when he did notice, it only encouraged his inconsiderate behavior.
Edd shook his head, bringing his thoughts back to more immediate concerns - more precisely his sure to be ill-fated home. If his mother and father ever found out about this, he'd surely be swimming in sticky notes for the remainder of the summer. But he knew it was too late to call off the scam - there was no way Eddy would listen to him now that the floor was prepared and they had finished that monstrosity that Ed and Eddy called a "sign." Especially if he wouldn't listen to him prior.
Edd turned his attention back to the crudely painted plywood sign sitting outside. The thing was gigantic... it would no doubt cover at least 3/4 of his garage door, making it an absolute pain in the posterior to hang up even with Ed's assistance. But Eddy had insisted that "big scams need big advertising," so Ed had been forced to dig up the biggest piece of wood he could find. They'd just have to wait until he came back to mess with it. Edd just hoped that Eddy would actually lend a hand this time - hey, he could dream.
To make matters worse, not only was the dreadful thing huge... it was also, in Edd's opinion, a complete eyesore. In big, red letters, the words, "Grand Nationul Floor Skateing Champiunship! Only 50 cents per contestent!" were haphazardly painted on the board in no more a professional manner than a four-year-old may have been able to muster. Edd still recoiled upon seeing it. Not only was Ed's spelling as atrocious as ever, but added onto that was the fact that Eddy had been positively adamant against referring to his scam as a local event - completely disregarding Edd's dispute that a contest reserved for the children of a solitary cul-de-sac could hardly be called "national."
Eddy's argument? "Rolf's from another country... so we could technically call it global!"
Edd had given up at that point, only thankful that Ed had already painted half of "Nationul" on already, thereby preventing Eddy from making that change.
He sighed inwardly, frustrated with himself. He shouldn't have been this annoyed with Eddy, but he was. Maybe it was his headache, or maybe it was the stress the current situation put on him... or maybe it was a combination of both. But, whatever it was, it made him feel like he was just being a spoilsport. After all, he knew Eddy. He was well aware that he had just wanted it to sound more important than it really was in order to attract more attention. And he certainly couldn't say that he was surprised; Eddy always had a proclivity for trying to make things seem more impressive than they really were - particularly himself. He was the paradigm of the Napoleon Complex... Edd would have been fascinated by the phenomenon had it not annoyed him so greatly.
He supposed he should've actually felt sorry for Eddy for thinking in such a manner, but it normally ended up just irritating him beyond compare instead... today proving to be no exception. It was probably for the best, though; Eddy surely wouldn't enjoy being pitied - or studied - by him, anyway.
Meanwhile, Eddy, who had been watching Edd look over the sign, grimaced slightly as he got lost in his own thoughts as well. He couldn't help but take notice of Edd's distasteful expression as he continued the - in his opinion - needlessly thorough inspection. Jeez, I'm surprised he hasn't brought out the magnifying glass yet. He watched as Edd's brow creased as he continued to get lost in his thoughts, the expression bringing to Eddy's mind another uninvited vision of the dream-Edd. He shook his head, forcing himself to clear the image from his mind. He didn't have time to worry about that now... he'd soon have suckers to cheat, and how could he do that if he couldn't concentrate? If only Sockhead's sugar high hadn't of worn off so soon... Annoying or not, it was better than the reminders of that stupid dream Edd's sour mood kept bringing about.
Eddy cleared his throat. "So now what?" he asked in an attempt to get the unsavory look off of his friend's face.
"Well, the skating area is set up," Edd explained, coming out of his thoughts. "And, as atrocious as it is, the sign will suffice. But we'll have to wait until Ed returns before we can hang it up. In addition, I'm afraid we still don't have any prizes to hand out."
Eddy looked up at his friend as if he'd just spoken in some alien language. "Prizes?"
"Yes, Eddy. Prizes. You know, the objects rewarded to participants who place well in competitive events?"
"I know what they are!" Eddy snapped. "I just don't have any."
It was Edd's turn to look as though he'd heard an alien language. "What?? You can't hold a contest without prizes... no one will want to compete."
"I told ya, I don't have anything to give, Sockhead! You're the brains of the group, and it's your house. You think of something."
Edd scowled, his eyes darkening for a moment. For the brief second of silence present before he heard a response, Eddy actually wondered if he may have said something wrong. Wrong or not, he suddenly wished he'd have kept his big mouth shut as that persistent image flashed through his mind again. Stupid dream.
"Oh, I'll find some prizes, all right," Edd answered. Being bossed around by Eddy was nothing new... but added to his unrelenting headache and the idea of this disaster-in-the-making taking place in his own home completely against his wishes, Eddy's attitude was beginning to push him to his limit. Perhaps a little retribution was in order...
Edd sat in the front doorway for a moment, donning his shoes, and then proceeded to head across the street. Eddy blinked and poked his head out the front door.
"Where ya goin'?" he asked, confused. He let out a worried gasp as he saw his friend headed straight toward his house. "Hey, get back here!" he commanded, giving chase. He caught up and grabbed Edd by the wrist, yanking him back to face him. "Just what do you think you're doin'??" he demanded, already having an idea as to the answer.
"Well, Eddy," Edd replied curtly as he wrenched his wrist free from Eddy's grasp and continued to walk through Eddy's backyard, "seeing as though I'm grudgingly volunteering my entire home for this ill-fated, crudely planned pretense of yours... it should be fitting that you provide the awards to be given out to the winning contestants. It's only fair."
"We're not using your entire house, just the first floor!" Eddy countered.
"Argument invalid, Eddy." Edd opened Eddy's door and continued on into his room. "Now, let's see here..."
"Hey, you get outta my room!" Eddy ordered, running in. His eyes widened and he yelled in protest as Edd dug some of his magazines out from under the bed.
"Tasteless, yes, but a suitable prize for Kevin..."
What!? I knew it! Eddy clenched his fists. Sockhead really had been in cahoots with Kevin to steal his magazines all along! The jerk must have bribed him with a load of jawbreakers or something... the little traitor!
"Put those back!" Eddy demanded as he lept straight for Edd like a tiger pouncing on his prey. "Monkey-boy ain't gettin' my magazines!"
Edd gasped slightly, startled. He hadn't expected quite so violent a reaction. He quickly jumped up onto the bed, barely managing to dodge the attack and sending Eddy to the floor. He then looked up to spot the disco ball hanging above the bed.
"Oh, this would make a good reward for Jonny should he win!" he said with a smile, jumping off the bed and grabbing a chair. He placed the chair on the bed and stood on it, taking down the ball. "He told me once that he found it to be quite an interesting adornment. I'm sure he'd enjoy one of his own," he explained cheerfully as Eddy growled and stood up. Edd's grin widened. Oh yes, this was indeed improving his mood.
"Get your hands off of it! It's mine!" Eddy made another leap, but Edd jumped off of the chair and onto the ground, causing Eddy to crash into the chair. "Why, you... when I get my hands on you...!"
Edd was having too much fun to worry about Eddy's threat, however. He looked around for more "prizes." Records? No, only Eddy would ever listen to those things. And his posters, too, only featured musicians Eddy would listen to... no one would want those, either. Then, what else...?
Ah-ha. Edd's eyes fell on his final target. "Why, look," he said, making his way to the endtable and picking up Eddy's beloved lava lamp. "I'm almost positive that Sarah would love this!"
"THAT'S IT!! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY STUFF! NOW!!" Eddy roared, his face red with fury. He grabbed the lamp, disco ball and magazines from his startled friend's hands. "GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!"
Eddy scrambled onto the chair atop his bed to re-hang his disco ball, still not quite achieving the height he needed despite standing on his toes. He thinks he's so funny sometimes... a real riot and a half, Eddy thought angrily, trying to keep his balance. His tongue peeped out from his lips slightly and his brow furrowed as he focused on standing higher to reach the ball's attachment on the ceiling.
Edd merely grinned smugly, crossing his arms. "Well, Eddy. It seems the shoe is on the other foot now, wouldn't you say?"
Eddy froze. The ball fell from his petrified hands, hitting him on the head and rolling to a stop near the edge of his bed. Eddy, still dazed from his friend's complacent words, didn't even seem to notice.
His eyes closed, Edd didn't see Eddy's reaction. "Now, perhaps you've realized how it feels to have someone else volunteer your possessions for use without first asking your consent. It doesn't seem so trivial now, does it, Eddy?" Edd opened his eyes to find his friend still frozen solid, a stunned look etched on his face.
"Eddy?"
"Huh?" Hearing his name, Eddy snapped out of his stupor and looked down at Edd, who now bore a concerned - and slightly confused - expression.
"Eddy, are you all right?" Edd asked, feeling a slight twinge of guilt. He had merely intended to teach Eddy a bit of a lesson... not to send him into a complete state of shock. "I didn't mean to..."
Casual, just act casual.
"Don't worry about it, Sockhead," Eddy said, his voice a little edgier than he had meant it to be. He cleared his throat to get his voice more under control as he searched his mind for an excuse. "I'm fine. The ball just kinda slipped... a-and hit me on the head. I was a little dazed, that's all." He grinned as convincingly as he could and stepped off the bed. He'd deal with hanging the ball back up later. For now, he really needed another distraction before he got all creeped out again... that dream was messing with him today a lot more than he had thought it would.
Edd opened his mouth, but before he could say anything in response, Ed stumbled into the room.
"I found you, you slippery little rascals!" he exclaimed, lugging an anchor in his arms. "Special delivery!" He looked around. "Uh, why are we in Eddy's room?"
"We're looking for prizes," Eddy answered, never so happy to have a change of conversation.
Ed grinned and hopped from one foot to the other in excitement. "Ooh, prizes! What did we win!?"
"Not for us, Ed," Edd explained. "Prizes for the participants in the floor skating contest."
"Oh!" He paused. "Who won?"
"We haven't had it yet, Lumpy," Eddy responded, putting his lamp and magazines back. "We need your help to get the sign up. So let's get... back..." Eddy trailed off as he came to a realization. "Ed?"
"Eddy?"
"Just... where did you get that anchor from?"
Edd blinked and took another look at the anchor, only to pale in the face. "Ed... you didn't by any chance...?"
Ed beamed proudly. "May said I could borrow it if we would be their honeybunches for a whole day." He went on as Eddy slapped his forehead and Edd began trembling in a state of panic. "I didn't know what a honeybunch was... but it sounded yummy."
"So... y-you agreed...?" Edd was afraid to hear the answer, despite already knowing what it was.
"You betcha, Double D! All for you!" he said happily, dropping the anchor in Edd's arms, sending the weaker boy to the ground. "No thanks are necessary... just doing my job."
Eddy looked around the room frantically as if the Kankers could pop out at any moment. "Yeah, being a brainless lump is a full-time position," he growled.
Ed chuckled. "You have no idea, Eddy!" he responded as he watched Eddy shut his door and move his bed along with everything else he could get his hands on in front of it.
"Eddy," Edd said, standing. "You didn't even lock the door! They'll just be able to push their way through that mess once they open-" Before Edd could finish, Eddy raced out of his room.
"Tag, you're it, Double D!" Ed announced with a playful shove, knocking Edd back to the ground. He then picked up the anchor for Edd and ran to catch up with Eddy.
Edd sighed and stood, giving an uneasy glance towards the barricaded door. He then gulped and dashed out after Ed. "Don't you leave me in here!" he cried, not wanting to be stuck in there alone should the Kankers find him.
Eddy peered out of the front window of his house cautiously, having already locked and barricaded the front door. Ed and Edd came up and peered out with him as Eddy revealed a mischievous grin.
"I don't see Kankers, but I do see pigeons! A whole flock of 'em!" It seemed that the sign still propped up outside of Edd's house had finally attracted the curiousity of the rest of the cul-de-sac kids. Edd's attention was drawn to another matter however.
"Eddy! You left my front door wide open!?" he asked incredulously, the thought of the number of germ-spreading insects that must have invaded his home in the past five minutes nearly causing him to go into meltdown.
Eddy, used to Edd's neurotic outbursts, ignored him. "It's time to get the show on the road, boys," he said, tossing the furniture away from the door so they could get out.
"D-don't you think that's a bit dangerous?" Edd asked nervously. "What about the Kankers? Haven't you learned from past experience that they'll inevitably show up at the last minute and ruin everything we've worked so diligently on?? Do you really want us to end up being their..." Edd swallowed a lump in his throat and shuddered, "... 'honeybunches...?'"
"Honey bunches of oats!" Ed exclaimed happily, then blinked. "Oats?" He gasped, a realization hitting him. "Oh no! They're going to turn us into oatmeal!" He grabbed Eddy and began to sob on his shoulder. "I don't want to be part of a nutritious breakfast, Eddy!"
"Would you two get over it?" Eddy snapped, wrenching his nearly soaked shirt from Ed. He finished clearing the blockade and opened the door, looking at his nervous friends. "And, by the way, the keyword there is 'last minute,' Double D. We'll just be ready for them when they come! If we don't get out there now, everyone's just gonna get bored stiff and leave! And there goes our money!" Failing to see a shred of compliance from Edd, he shrugged. No problem... he knew exactly what made Mr. Obsessive-Compulsive tick.
"That or... they might just go on in and floor skate around your house all at once. Without supervision," he added nonchalantly, looking at his fingernails. "I'd hate to see what kind of mess that could cause..." He grinned as he glanced up to see Edd's eyes widen in horror. Bingo.
"Oh dear... th-that can't happen..." Edd gulped, imagining the damages such an incident could inflict on his house. He didn't even want to consider of the number of chores such damages would earn him. And with the door open, they could very well take it as an invitation...
Eddy headed out. "So get off your lazy butt and come on!"
Ed looked around nervously for fear of being turned into a lump of gooey oatmeal before running after Eddy.
"Ollie ollie oxenfree!" he cried out as he ran, panicked, down the street. Well... if they did catch him and turn him into oatmeal, he hoped he'd at least get to choose the flavor. Maybe blueberry...
Edd let out a sigh in resignation. "Very well..." He followed his two friends cautiously out the door, shutting it. "I only hope that my home can withstand the consequences of your actions far better than I, Eddy," he muttered as he jogged across the street to catch up.