"Come one, come all! To the biggest, bestest, and most elite competition this side of the cul-de-sac!" Eddy announced, still running to join the kids already gathered in Edd's driveway. Upon arriving, he jumped in front of the crowd, not even stopping to catch his breath. "Welcome to... Ed's Grand National Floor Skating Championship! Only fifty cents per entry!"
He looked to Ed and Edd as they finally caught up and stood beside him. "Took ya long enough," he muttered, earning himself a small scowl from Edd while Ed continued to glance around fearfully, on the lookout for the new and improved oatmeal-powered Kanker sisters.
"Floor Skating Championship?" Kevin actually sounded interested for once. "That... doesn't sound half bad," he admitted.
"Floor skating's such a dangerous sport..." Jimmy said quietly, huddling close to Sarah.
"Jimmy, with you, everything's dangerous," Kevin retorted. After receiving a nasty glare from Sarah, he shrugged. "What? It's the truth."
"Floor skating rules!" Nazz exclaimed, excited. "Eddy, this is such a rad idea! Count me in!"
Eddy bit his lip in rapture as all of the kids - minus Jimmy and Sarah, but like he cared - talked among themselves excitedly. He definitely should've thought of this before. He nudged Edd with his elbow. "Don't mean to say I told ya so... but I told ya so!" he whispered.
Edd rolled his eyes but said nothing. He knew the inevitable would come eventually - it was merely a question of when and how.
Sarah looked around at the excited kids. She had to admit, it was tempting to let Eddy get away with this one; she even wanted a try at it. But after seeing the sickeningly joyous look on that idiot's face... no. She was not about to let him take everyone's money that easily.
"Hold it!" she screamed, crossing her arms as all of the kids prepared to fork over their coinage. She felt a wave of satisfaction as they stopped and turned to face her, causing Eddy to shoot her a death glare. "If this is a contest, then what's the prize?"
As the rest of the kids turned back to Eddy, he felt his face scrunch up in irritation. Always Sarah.
Rolf nodded in agreement. "Yes. The loud one speaks the truth. There is no contest without something to be won, yes?"
"What do we get if we win, Eddy??" Jonny asked, excitement still evident in his eyes.
Edd nudged Eddy as the rest of the kids looked back at them expectantly. "'Don't mean to say I told ya so... but I told ya so,'" he quoted in a whisper.
Eddy didn't pay any mind to Edd's words. He looked on nervously as the crowd loudly demanded to know the prize. This couldn't happen... the scam was too good to have it fail now! He looked around frantically, trying to come up with some sort of prize. His eyes fell on Ed, and he was struck with an idea.
"Um, not to worry!" he announced, causing the kids to quiet down. "There will be a prize!"
"There will?" Edd asked with a raised eyebrow. He looked around to see if he could figure out what Eddy was going to attempt to offer. Unsuccessful, he merely folded his arms and prepared to watch the show. This should prove interesting.
"What is it?" Jimmy asked.
"A fine question, my fluffy-haired friend! Not only does the lucky winner get the honorable title of Grand National Floor Skating Champion, but they also receive... this lovely prize!"
With that, accompanied by a grandiose gesture, Eddy grabbed the anchor from Ed and held it up dramatically - if only momentarily.
Jeez, this thing's heavy! Eddy stumbled for a moment, overcome with the weight. "Take it back, Ed, take it back!" he cried, about to collapse.
"The anchor, Eddy?" Edd asked incredulously.
Ed took the anchor back from Eddy, who stopped to catch his breath. "But this is Double D's an-" Ed's protest was cut short by Eddy's elbow in his gut.
"Who'd wanna compete for some stupid anchor?" Kevin asked. "That is so lame."
"This is stupid, Jimmy. Let's go home," Sarah said, taking Jimmy's hand and leaving as the others began to depart as well.
Eddy began to panic as his perfect scam started to fall apart before his very eyes. That stupid Sarah... always ruining his plans. And then there was Double D - he was probably getting a kick out of it all. Just cause they needed to use his house for the rink. I bet he knew this was gonna happen... He glanced at Edd, who was looking at Ed and shrugging. Playing innocent now, is he? Well, no way. He wasn't gonna give up that easily. He'd show that so-called brainiac what a great scam this really was... and then he'd be begging for the opportunity to apologize to Eddy the Great.
"Hey, wait!" he exclaimed, getting everyone's attention again. "Uh..." He looked away, trying to think of a way to make the anchor more appealing. "This anchor... is... not just any anchor, folks!" he explained, looking back at the crowd that had stopped to listen. Good, at least they were hearing him out; they rarely gave him that pleasure with his other scams. "That's right, my friends! This very special anchor is from none other than the legendary S.S. ... uh... the S.S. ..." He glanced around the cul-de-sac, his eyes stopping on one of Rolf's pigs eating in his backyard. His eyes lit up. "Wilfred!"
Edd slapped his forehead with a groan. Things were going from unfavorable to just plain embarrassing.
"The S.S. Wilfred?" Kevin asked skeptically.
Ed was confused. "But Wilfred's a- oof!" He was silenced by another elbow to the stomach.
"You heard right!" Eddy continued, feeling his confidence returning. "A relic from one of the best ships to ever sail the seven seas! And it can be yours if you win the contest!"
Rolf wiped a tear from his eye. "Rolf is humbly honored knowing that such a vessel has been named in the honor of his livestock. Very well, Ed-boy!" Rolf handed over two quarters. "Rolf will win this contest and claim the anchor for his own!" he declared.
Eddy smiled lovingly as he gazed upon his true loves sitting in the palms of his hands. Oh, the jawbreakers he'd buy after this!
"Just sign right up with Double D over there," he instructed. He motioned to Edd, who was standing in the front doorway with his notepad ready.
"And, everyone, please take your shoes off before entering the facility!" Edd announced after jotting down Rolf's name. "The floor is freshly waxed, and I will permit absolutely no scuffing, scraping or scratching! Ed here will be more than happy to hold on to your shoes until the conclusion of the event!" Edd motioned to Ed, who was taking Rolf's shoes off for him.
"Unhand Rolf, slop-for-brains Ed-boy!" Rolf demanded as Ed wrenched the shoes from his feet and unceremoniously tossed Rolf behind him and onto the slippery floor. Rolf stood, taking care not to slip, and rubbed his head. "May your scalp be infested with a thousand and one angry ticks, Ed-boy!"
Ed laughed. "Already has, Rolf!" he exclaimed proudly, causing a disturbed Edd to slowly inch further away from him, fearing for his own hygiene.
"I don't really care much for the anchor, but..." Nazz walked up and handed Eddy two more quarters. She loved competitions, and this sounded like it actually might be worth the money. "Wish me luck," she said with a smile as she went to sign up with Edd.
Eddy practically melted to a puddle of goo as he watched Nazz hand her shoes to Ed and walk into the house. Oh man! Did I see the way she smiled at me!? he thought to himself, ecstatic. He turned to give Edd a smug grin just to rub it in. It seemed to have worked... Eddy received a frown in return before Edd pointedly turned his head away.
"Here ya go, Eddy." Eddy snapped his head back as Jonny placed his fee in his hand.
"Each," he stated simply, noticing only two quarters had been added to his profits. But his words only earned him a shake of Jonny's head.
"Nope. Plank's gonna sit this one out." He headed toward the front door. "Floor skating's not his stong suit, if ya know what I mean."
Edd let out a small sigh of relief as he wrote down Jonny's name. He could only imagine the scores of scratch marks Plank would have left on his floors had he participated... that was one source of disrepair he could rule out, at least.
Kevin was next in line. "Here you go, Dorky." He dropped two quarters into Eddy's waiting hands and walked over to Edd.
"Big fan of anchors, Kev?" Eddy asked with a grin, pocketing the money. "Who knew?"
"Oh, yeah," Kevin answered over his shoulder as he headed inside. "They're great for pummeling dorks with."
Eddy grimaced and waited until Kevin was inside before running over to his friends. "Guys, Kevin doesn't win. Got it?" he whispered.
Ed responded with a salute as Edd jotted it down as a side note.
"Loss on a technicality, Eddy. Got it," Edd replied.
Eddy blinked at Edd, somewhat shocked that he hadn't responded with some sort of argument about not being fair or something.
"Yes, Eddy, I'm permitting this," Edd said in response to Eddy's unspoken thoughts. "I suppose that a breach in competitive ethics could be permissable in this one instance. After all, there's no use in taking unneeded chances where Kevin and a large anchor are concerned..."
Eddy grinned in satisfaction and returned to the remaining suckers - Sarah and Jimmy. "What's the matter, Sarah?" he asked, noting Sarah's seemingly ever-present scowl. "Mad because I'm actually doing actually something cool? Or is it because you know you're not good enough to win?" Eddy asked, unable to keep a smirk from forming on his face.
"Eddy!" Ed pleaded, glancing nervously at his angry little sister. But before he could say anything more, Sarah plopped two quarters in Eddy's hands.
"JUST YOU WATCH, LUNKHEAD!" Sarah yelled in his ear before composing herself and walking over to Edd to sign up. "You're just lucky I like to floor skate."
Jimmy gave a nervous glance at Eddy, who had recovered remarkably quickly from having his ear drums nearly destroyed and seemed to be expecting pay from him as well. "Wait for me, Sarah!" he cried out as he ran after her.
"Cheapskate," Eddy muttered. But it was all fine and good. He had pocketed a whole two and a half dollars in all of two minutes, and the plan was going off without a hitch. I'm such a genius! A filthy rich genius! He took the rest of the coins out of his pocket and smiled lovingly at the money piled in his palms. "My babies... my love, my life..." he breathed, his eyes shining. Ah, nothing soothed Eddy like the afternoon summer sun glistening on a pile of quarters. He closed his hands over the money and held them to his cheek. "Oh, how do I love thee? Let me count the jawbreakers..."
Seeing that Eddy was lost in his own little world, Edd turned to Ed with a sigh. "Well, I suppose we should get this over with..." He really wasn't looking forward to having to clean up the mess after this; it was a burden he knew that he'd end up carrying alone. Maybe Ed would offer to lend a hand... but that could very well prove more catastrophic than helpful.
Ed frowned as he watched his friend go inside. Edd seemed troubled today, and Ed didn't like his friends being troubled. He must be sad about losing the anchor... the poor little feller, he thought to himself sadly. If only he could find a way to make him feel better. Maybe he'd invite him over whenever he'd collected enough dryer lint to go swimming. Yeah, that might cheer him up.
"Come on, Lumpy!" Eddy said, running inside the house. "We got a contest to judge!" Impatient, he yanked Ed inside and shut the door. He wanted to get this over and done with so he could high-tail it to the candy store. If they hurried, they could get there before it closed.