AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up! Along with having to re-write it from scratch after nearly completing it and some other, more personal reasons, it took a lot longer than I had wanted. (I guess because of that, I'm not too happy with this chapter.) Thanks for the patience and the reviews! ;) The next chapter is already underway, so it shouldn't take as long to get up. *crosses fingers*

~Kit

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While the participants warmed up in the living room in preparation for the competition, Ed and Eddy were gathered at Edd's kitchen table for the "emergency pre-competition meeting" that Eddy had called. He had overlooked a rather large detail when offering the anchor as a prize - the Kankers. He sure as heck didn't wanna be the one to tell them that their anchor was hanging in someone else's home whenever they decided to show up. So now he had to go over a few last minute changes in the plan with Edd. Or, atleast, whenever he decided to grace them with his presence, anyway.

While Eddy was fidgeting in his seat on the tabletop and huffing the occasional irritated sigh, Ed was seated in a chair, rummaging through his jacket pockets in search of spare dryer lint. After pulling out moldy cheese, a questionable fuzzy green substance and other random horrors, the tall boy frowned in frustration and, after taking a quick bite of the cheese, stuffed his possessions back into his pockets.

"Man... we don't have all day," Eddy grumbled as he rapped his fingers on the table impatiently. "What's taking Double D, anyway?"

"Double D's being taken!?" Ed lept from his seat with a gasp. "Oh no! It must be the one-eyed oyster barbarians from Madagascar!" He raised his arm in the air dramatically. "Never fear! I will save you, brave comrade!" he proclaimed as he began to run towards Edd's screen door. He had forgotten the slippery floor in his excitement, however, and didn't make it very far before falling to the floor with a 'thud' and a chuckle. "I fell down go boom, Eddy."

"Oh, you'll go boom if you don't stop-"

"Sorry I'm late, guys." Edd interrupted, entering the kitchen. Upon seeing his friends, he stopped and placed his hands on his hips with a disapproving frown. "Eddy... could you please not sit on the table?"

"Yeah, yeah." Eddy hopped off of the table. He blinked when he noticed Jimmy following closely behind Edd. "What's with Curly-Q?"

"Double D!" Ed exclaimed from the floor, trying to get up. "How'd you escape from the oyster men!?" Edd looked on in bafflement as Ed, using the table, pulled himself up long enough to issue an enthusiastic "Hiya, Jimmy!" before attempting to wave at the boy and promptly falling back to the floor on his face. "Mmm, pine fresh."

Jimmy replied only with a look of disgust, feeling his face turn green as Ed made a show of tasting Edd's kitchen floor. It would only be a matter of time before his tuna salad and apricot lunch would make an unsavory return appearance...

"Ed, please stop licking my floor..." Edd requested, barely containing his own disgust as he made a mental note to re-sanitize that portion of his kitchen after the contest. "I'll get you a non-toxic pine scented- er, flavored car freshener later," Edd compromised, seeing Ed's pout. He smiled with relief as the satisfied Ed complied and busied himself with trying to stand again.

He then turned his attention back to Eddy who was visibly growing impatient. "I felt that Jimmy would make a fine addition to the judging team."

Eddy raised an eyebrow at this. "Why?"

Jimmy held his head up haughtily. "Because I know more about the fine arts than you three brutes could learn in a lifetime."

"Ask me if I care, da Vinci," Eddy grumbled.

"As arrogant as Jimmy's words may be, they do hold a modicum of truth. Jimmy's knowledge of ballet and other fine performance arts gives him the expertise necessary for a well-rounded judging team." Leaving the grinning, ego-boosted Jimmy at the entrance to the kitchen, Edd approached Eddy and whispered in his ear. "And the kids will be far less likely to accuse us of rigging the event in Nazz's favor if someone other than you, Ed and I were to judge as well."

Eddy grinned. "That's nice, Double D. But that finally brings me to the topic of our little meeting here. There's been a change... you're not gonna be judging." Seeing Edd only looking at him questioningly, he glanced around cautiously before lowering his voice even further. "You're gonna be winning."

"What!?"

"Shhh! Quiet, will ya??" He glanced at Jimmy nervously. The boy was still in the kitchen entranceway, but his back was turned to the Eds as he conversed with Sarah. Eddy sighed in relief as the two left to talk in the living room, giving the three a bit of privacy. He turned back to Edd. "I've set it up so it'll be a cinch for you to win!"

"Eddy, I refuse partake in the illicit appropriation of victory from other honest competitors," Edd argued.

"What? You make it sound like I'm doing something bad here!"

"Oh, heavens... why should I ever think something as ludicrous as that? Thank you for bringing me back down to Earth."

Eddy narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "That was sarcasm, wasn't it?"

"Your perception is improving, Eddy."

Eddy grimaced, but calmed himself and gave his friend an indifferent shrug. "Fine then - you can explain to the Kankers why Ed doesn't have their anchor anymore when someone else wins it. I'm sure they'll think of a good way for you to make up for it."

"You were the one to offer it as a prize!"

"Details, details! Just get out there and start practicin'... we're gonna start soon."

"But, Eddy, I'm no good at trick floor skating!"

"I've got ya covered." Eddy grinned as he slapped Edd on the back, nearly causing him to fall. "I told ya - I changed things. It ain't gonna be all about fancy tricks and stuff... it's gonna be all about speed. You know, a race."

"A race!? In my house!?" Edd gawked at Eddy for a moment before continuing his protest. "Eddy! You said it was only going to be one person at a time! One person! That's what you said!"

"Well, that was before I realized I'd have to put you out there and make it a race instead so we can win."

"Then you go out there and keep it trick!"

"Are you kidding? I can't trick skate! Race!"

"Trick!"

"Race!"

"Ooh! Can I skate, Eddy?" Ed, who had been struggling with the stubborn force of gravity for the majority of his friends' conversation, finally managed to stand again on Edd's slippery kitchen floor. He clumsily made his way to his friends. "I wanna skate! Double D always gets to do the fun stuff!"

"Yes, Eddy. I'd hate to deprive Ed of such... fun. Why not simply let Ed participate in my place? We've already witnessed quite a display of agility from him earlier... he'd certainly have a chance of winning a trick skating competition."

"What? And take a chance on that being a one-time thing? I mean, look at him - he can barely stand as it is! This is Ed in case you forgot, Double D."

"Nice to meet you," Ed added with a grin.

Seeing Edd's unconvinced frown, Eddy decided that a little demonstration was in order. He turned to Ed. "Ed, spin around," he instructed, twirling his finger around in a circle to illustrate.

"And where he stops only The Claw knows!" he exclaimed, twirling himself into a rapid spin. After several speedy revolutions, Ed fell dizzily to the ground.

"See?" Eddy turned back to Edd. "Besides," Eddy added, "you may be totally pathetic at running, but you're pretty fast on waxy floors. And I already announced the change to everyone else while you were outside talking with Fluffelangelo. "

Edd sighed in defeat. "Very well." Ed looked up, pouting at Edd's words as he continued. "But I hope you realize that, even in a floor skating race, I have no hope of beating Kevin... or Rolf, even. They're both far faster than I."

"How do you know? You've never seen them floor skate before."

Edd motioned out the entranceway of his kitchen in response. Peering out, the three boys saw Rolf and Kevin laughing as they skated around the living room effortlessly. They were kicking Plank back and forth between each other like a soccer ball while a wailing Jonny slid around frantically in a desperate attempt to get him back. Edd was only thankful that Plank was tied to a pillow, thus preventing any damages to his floor... even if the resulting increase of speed made it harder for Jonny to catch the board.

"Ooh! Cool! I wanna play! Do you think they'll need a caddy?" Ed asked.

Ignoring Ed, Eddy turned back to Edd, unfazed. "Eh. That's where a little creativity comes into play, Double D." He tapped his head with a sly grin. "I've got it all worked out."

"And... this is where I'm supposed to feel better?"

"Just listen, will ya? You're good at thinking and all that, so it should be no problem for you to make a few... obstacles or somethin' to trip up the other kids."

"That's cheating!"

"And cheaters never lick the cookie dough," Ed chimed in with a sagely nod.

"What are you guys talkin' about? It's not cheating! At least... not with my rules, it's not." He put an arm around each of his friends' shoulders. "You see, boys... the only rule in this competition is that there are no rules." Eddy saw Edd about to protest and yanked him further down, practically putting the startled boy into a headlock as he continued. "You remember that race of Rolf's we had when we were trying to get that Slovak jawbreaker?"

"The one in which we were all expected to cheat our way to victory?"

"And I got cranberry sauce?" Ed piped up.

"Yeah, that one." Eddy grinned. "That's how this is gonna be. No holds barred, baby!"

"Eddy, I really object-"

"Oh, come on! You were awesome in that race! Second to only me, of course."

"Of course," Edd replied dryly. "But I don't think-"

"You think too much - that's the problem! With that brain of yours, you're naturally a good cheater, Double D! Let go of that moral bunk for a day, and I guarantee you'd be cool in no time. Besides," Eddy smirked, "you liked it and you know it."

Edd was tempted to respond with a comment on how he only enjoyed the opportunity to beat Eddy at his own game and deflate that Mt. Everest size ego of his, but decided that he'd be better off leaving his body in one piece if he had any hope of winning the race.

"So get out there, and knock 'em dead, Champ!" Eddy prodded, pushing Edd towards the living room. "Or knock 'em down, knock 'em silly, knock 'em out... whatever it takes!"

"Break a toe!" Ed cheered as he waved at Edd's retreating figure.

"I'll be so angry with you if this backfires, Eddy..." Edd shot over his back as he entered the living room.

Ooh, so scary... Eddy thought as he watched Edd made his way to the living room. In his book, an angry Double D was about as horrifying as an angry butterfly.

Whatever. As soon as Edd won that anchor, they - "they" being Ed and Double D - could return it to the Kankers while he hit the candy store. He grinned, despite something nagging in the back of his mind... something telling him that this was a bad idea. Dismissing it as a result of the bad sleep he had the night before, Eddy turned to Ed.

"C'mon," he said, exiting the kitchen and motioning Ed to follow. "Let's get the finish line stuff up so we can get this over with."

"At your service with a plunger, Eddy!"

"Shut up, Ed."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"So, so, so stubborn..." Edd muttered as he watched the others skate about his room and tried to think of a harmless way to secure a victory. As much as cheating was against his nature, getting mauled by angry Kanker sisters wasn't on his to-do list for the day, either. Eddy was right; he had to win that anchor back. Somehow...

"Hiya, Double D..." Edd snapped out of his thoughts to see Nazz standing in front of him, smiling. "I heard you're going to be in the race, too."

Edd looked away nervously as he felt sweat forming on his brow. "Y-yes... it appears so..."

Nazz giggled at Edd's reaction; boys could be so funny sometimes. "Well, good luck, okay?" She smiled sportingly and skated off to talk to Sarah and Jimmy as Edd shook his head rapidly to get over his stupor.

"Yeah, good luck, Double Dweeb." Edd whirled around to see Kevin and Rolf standing behind him. "You'll need it."

"Yah. Scrawny Ed-boy has as much chance of winning this race as Rolf's pigs have a chance at winning the Turnip Toss."

Edd scowled indignantly as Rolf and Kevin skated off, laughing. Maybe Eddy's ego wasn't the only one that needed to be deflated around here. And this was the perfect opportunity to do just that.

An unusually determined expression crept across his face. "Let's do this."

"Let's get this party started!" Eddy exclaimed, sliding into the living room. He stood in front of the kitchen entranceway which now had a flag on either side of it - or rather, a broom and mop with a towel tied to each - and a sign hanging above the threshold reading "Finish."

"Who brought the dip?" Ed asked as he slid in, barely making it without slipping.

Eddy grabbed a hold of him to keep him up. "You're a dip, Ed." He turned back to the participants who were now all facing him and put on his best announcing voice. "Here's the deal, folks! We're gonna have two races in groups of three! The winner of each race will face off in the third and final round to see who will claim the anchor and the title of Grand National Floor Skating Champion! Are ya with me!?" he asked, trying to drum up excitement.

Jonny let out an enthusiastic "Yeah!" while Nazz and Rolf looked on excitedly. Sarah and Kevin, however, looked about to walk out or pound Eddy... or both.

"Just get on with it!" Sarah yelled.

"One in every crowd," Eddy muttered before noticing Jimmy standing beside him. "Hey. Half-Pint. D'ya mind? You can't watch the race from here. This is the timers' area." Eddy held up a stopwatch with a look of importance.

Jimmy glared indignantly. "Double D said I was a part of the judging team, too!" Jimmy argued, grabbing the watch from Eddy. "And since there aren't any judges now, I'll time the race!"

Eddy growled and took back the watch. "We don't need three timers, squirt! Now get lost before I-"

"Eddy," Edd interrupted patiently, "you don't require a stopwatch to see who finishes first. Just let Jimmy be a third eye in the event of a close race."

"Fine, fine!" Eddy growled, pocketing the watch. "Let's just start already before I croak from old age."

"You turn into a frog when you get old?" Ed asked curiously. "I wanna grow up, Eddy!"

"Yeah, good luck," Eddy muttered before clearing his throat and putting on his announcing voice again. "Round One! Double D versus Sarah versus Jonny!" He paused as the three contestants made their way to the starting line, Double D taking the middle lane for better access to both Sarah and Jonny.

I sincerely hope I don't end up hating myself after this... Edd thought nervously, still appalled at the idea of having to resort to cheating.

"Root for me, buddy!" Jonny shouted to Plank, who was propped up on against the wall.

"Three laps starting here in the living room! Follow the strips of tape, staying in your lane, through to the dining area, into the kitchen, and back to this room. The first to pass the finish line three times is the winner!" Eddy held up a water pistol. "Racers, on your mark! Get set! GO!"

Edd looked up as Eddy shot a stream of water at his ceiling. "Eddy, you better clean that up! If I get mildew stains-"

"Go, Sockhead! Go!" Eddy yelled frantically.

Edd looked back to see Sarah and Jonny already had a good lead. "Curse my cleanliness," he muttered as he raced to catch up.

"He'd better not mess this up," Eddy said with a nervous grimace as Ed busied himself with attempting to catch the drops of water dripping from the ceiling in his mouth. Knowing better than to place all of his faith on Edd's athletic prowess - or, rather, lack thereof - Eddy figured now was as good a time as any to begin trying to come up with a good escape route... they were probably gonna need it.