an innocent flower
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The dreams, they never stop. Almost every night, I stay up late finishing up the day's paperwork, distracting myself from my tormenting thoughts. I always find my mind wandering down the paths of yesterday; I cannot forget.
In the small room, I sat across from you, kneeling on the floor. You were crying, and your shoulders were shaking as you tried to control your emotions. It would be our final goodbye. I still wore the bandages across my eye, my vision was hindered. Even from the perspective of only one eye, you were still a beautiful sight to see. But it pained me to see you cry for me. Tears rolled down your cheeks and speckled the floor with drops of liquid. There was only one thing I could do to stop you from hurting. So I did it, for you.
I loved every moment when I was with you, but I know that all good things must eventually come to an end. There is no such thing as eternity, this is what I have learned. It's all like the perpetual cycle of the seasons; the seedlings grow older with each day, but must accept their fate as the winter season settles its icy blanket over every single green leaf. Though that grown up seedling seems doomed, there is always a way for a second chance. For you, that chance is starting your life over again; forgetting that anguish. I hope that you will have a good life with your fiancé.
In that very same room, days before, I remember holding your hand as we asked our master, our clan head, Akito, for permission to be united in marriage. It was a time that I believed that we could be together forever, through thick and thin. I gave your hand one last squeeze before I knelt before him to ask for his approval. Of course, we were not granted this privilege, and our peaceful life was shattered in the next moment as his vase met my face.
Akito caused you more pain than any other person ever could. The cataclysm of our lives began; but I still do not blame him for what happened. To believe that we could be together infinitely - I was a fool. Akito was the one who taught me that we, as the members of the juunishi, can never achieve happiness. It may have all been a futile dream to believe that I could be with you, imagine, a husband who is a seahorse. What a strange world we live in.
But I do not regret, I never will. I do not regret meeting you, for this is the time of my life that I will treasure. Every stroke of a clock's hand where you were nearby is still a happy moment for me. In my memories, we can remain together. I'm glad that we had a chance to know each other, even if our time was cut short.
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"Hatori-san?" Tohru knocked on the door harder, getting nervous since there was no answer.
I awoke to the sound of a hand tapping on my large wooden door and a soft, feminine voice calling my name. I had fallen asleep at my desk due to lack of sleep, my face buried in a book and my right hand clutched around a pencil, still poised to write. I had been thinking about Kana, and another girl. I couldn't help but worry about her, with the information I had learned about the newest visitor of the Sohma family, Honda Tohru-san. Another girl affiliating herself with the Sohma family, another girl setting herself up for misery.
When I heard the knocking sound again, I painstakingly roused myself enough to hobble towards the door. I tried to rub the effects of sleep out of my eyes before opening the door. I said nothing to the small girl who stood before me, nearly cowering in my presence.
"Sohma Hatori-san?" Tohru asked meekly, confirming her location. I suppose that I do not look my best in the morning, but she didn't mention it.
"Hai." I stepped back and motioned for her to come inside.
She followed me inside and took in the messy surroundings. It was quite dark, but she could still see piles of books which had not be returned to their proper locations on the shelves that hung around the room. I opened the curtains to welcome the light into the room. Tohru smiled at me, when I pointed a chair for her to sit at. She quickly removed her snow-covered shoes, and followed my suggestion.
I pushed away some of my papers, and sat on the edge of my desk. "I'm glad you came, it makes things a lot simpler."
I could tell that she was nervous; she fidgeted with the ring on her finger and the pink ribbon in her hair. "Anou, where is Momiji-kun today? I haven't seen him today."
"I couldn't tell you, I don't think that he's been around today. Maybe he went to meet you." I could only guess, Momiji always seemed to be out and about. He could never stay in one location for too long. He just danced around the Sohma property wherever he pleased.
"Should I go out to look for him? Maybe he's lost? Or maybe he was kidnapped!" Worry creased her forehead, she definitely was a caring person.
"I don't think that will be necessary. Momiji knows his way around." I didn't want to waste the entire day going on a hunt for him, who knows were he could go. It wasn't like him to break a promise to a girl like her, though.
"Oh," she sighed. "If you think so, I guess that you're right."
"He'll be fine, he's a big boy now." I tried to assure her.
"He's so young..."
I could tell that she had underestimated him by his childish appearance. I couldn't help but smile a little. "Let's get down to business." I changed the subject.
"Hai." She nodded, and sat up straighter on the wooden chair.
"Do you like living with Shigure, Yuki, and Kyou?" I asked her, already knowing her response by the silly smile which had spread across her face.
"Very much. Shigure-san's home has a very happy atmosphere, you cannot help but feel welcome. I really like living there, and learning new things about Shigure-san, Sohma-san, and Kyou-kun."
A happy atmosphere. She truly is unknowing to everything that the name Sohma entails. "I must warn you, our family is darker than it seems. It's a misconception to believe that we can bring you happiness." I said it harshly. I didn't want to hurt her, but it was the only way to protect her from us. We always cause hardships for the ones who love us. It cannot be helped; we are cursed.
Tohru's eyes widened and gained a moist appearance. She looked to the ground. "I don't think of it that way. It doesn't seem like that at all to me." She shook her head, and one of the ribbons fell from her hair and softly floated to the floor.
"Our curse isn't just fluffy animals, Tohru-san, it's a serious affair. It's far more complicated than you could ever begin to understand. We should remain isolated from everyone else, and never share our pains with you."
"Hatori-san..." She said my name softly, and looked up to me from her chair.
I couldn't meet her eyes; I looked around the room until my gaze settled to a framed photograph by the window across the room. 'Kana, I will try to stop her misfortune. It's for her own good.'
Tohru followed my gaze towards the window, and noticed something that caught her eye. She stood up and walked towards it. A small potted plant was sitting on the outdoor windowsill. It was a pathetic looking plant; several leaves had already fallen off from the cold weather. A closed bud sat on top of the main stem.
"A late bloomer." Tohru pointed to the plant, so I joined her at the window. "You see, this plant's seed did not sprout in season. Now it's struggling to survive the elements."
"Tohru-san, It's just a plant. The other pots have already bloomed and are finished." It seemed so insignificant to me, why was she noticing it?
"It seems like it now, but it hasn't had enough time to show its true colours. If it stays in these conditions, it will never have its chance." She opened the window and pulled the pot indoors. "It has never been able to be happy. Can we keep it indoors, Hatori-san? All its life, it has been out in the cold weather. If the flower does eventually end up dying, it won't be a waste, because it would have had a chance to experience a kind and loving home. Don't you think so?" Tohru smiled, and looked at the potted plant in her arms.
I stood dumbfounded as she handed me the flower pot. I stared at it, now in my hands. It was such an innocent flower, even if it was foolish enough to stay inside its seed for so long. Half a minute passed before I spoke. "I think you're right." I placed the unopened flower on the shelf, beside the picture Kana. The sun shone into the room, lighting up the area. The flower's leaves already seemed a bit perkier.
"I'm sure the flower will have a good life now." Tohru beamed at me, easily contented.
"The flower will have a good life, for sure." I nodded to her.
"Oh, yes!" Tohru exclaimed. "I changed the topic of the conversation somehow. I don't know how I got talking about the flower in the first place." She let a tiny giggle escape.
"That'll do, Tohru-san." I opened the curtains wider to let more light inside. "You can leave now, if you wish."
"H-hai! I should return home before they worry about where I have been." Tohru bowed deeply, and put on her shoes and coat. "Thank you for having me over, Hatori-san. I'll be sure to do a good job taking care of Shigure-san's house, no need to worry about them." She gave me one last smile before heading out into the frigid air.
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I almost took away Tohru's chance for happiness today, trying to spare her the pain that will most likely be brought to her later in life. But I'm glad that I changed my mind, or the innocent flower known as Honda Tohru would not be able to share her happiness with Shigure, Yuki and Kyou. Even if it is only for a short time, that happiness will be worth it. I will not regret my choices.
Thank you, Kana. Our dream will never end in my heart.
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Author Notes:
First chapter; Uploaded May 25th 2003.
This is a one-shot fan fiction that I wrote because the idea suddenly came to my mind. If I didn't write it today, than I would have forgotten it, and it would never have been written. The unopened flower represents Tohru, if anyone really didn't see the symbolism there. O_o;; I hope you like it. The beginning section is rather depressing. Poor Hatori ;-;
I do not own the rights to any of the characters mentioned in this fan fiction.